Cheater Freak Christmas Contest!

xmas6It’s time again for our Cheater Freak Christmas Contest!

This is how the game is played. You determine what parts of your infidelity story  make you Freak of the Week. I want the weird, WTF details.

For example, my husband and I know a fellow whose (now ex) wife had special wedding rings crafted for when she and her OM had trysts. That’s a contender!

The object here is to be as SUCCINCT as possible. No essays! You can comment on other people’s submissions, but each submission needs to be three brief sentences, tops.

For example, my submission would go like this.

1) He had the same mistress for over 20 years and three marriages.

2) OW and ex apparently had a kid together and she passed the paternity off on her brother-in-law.

3) After boinking his OW in Vermont, he drove home and presented me with a one-pound bag of coffee.

Last year, we had nearly 600 submissions (which still make for some pretty awesome reading). Every day this blog is gathering new chumps and new stories. You veterans are more than welcome to submit your previous stories, (we never grow tired of BarristerBelle’s story of her ex who jumped around furiously in a sleeping bag). One caveat — GladIt’sOver cannot play! She destroys the competition every time with her dancing Yeti ex and his gifts of half-eaten box of Cream of Wheat. We’re amateurs here, Glad.

The contest goes until Friday, December 19. After which, I choose the top 12 contenders and draw 12 cartoons depicting “On the First Day of Christmas My Cheater Freak Gave to Me.” Then I go collapse in a heap and have some Christmas cookies.

So BRING IT ON, chumps! Let the competition begin!

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whodathunk
whodathunk
9 years ago

1) Told me I too, should get on Match.com – “You’d do really well on it”.
2) Waggled empty ring finger (during anniversary dinner) & said “you think I don’t wear it because of the weight I lost? Why do you think I lost the weight? I’ve got a plan B,C, &D”.

whodathunk
whodathunk
9 years ago
Reply to  whodathunk

Oh! I have a #3!!
He bought a $400 shirt at a high end retailer – paid cash for the shirt except for $28, the amount of a box of high end chocolates I usually get for VDay… so when I saw the CC bill, I would think he bought me chocolates..

RobinLee
RobinLee
9 years ago
Reply to  whodathunk

Taunting you with chocolate? “Now you see it, now you don’t!”

So cruel…

whodathunk
whodathunk
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Yeah, he seemed shocked when he got served – thanks CN!!! You all don’t even know how much you have helped me. Seriously. Saved my sanity, made me realize I’m not crazy.

fbi
fbi
9 years ago
Reply to  whodathunk

He texted me lovelorn messages drunk out of his mind after getting wasted at the stipclub: “Why don’t you accept me”, he lamented! Bullshit trabslator: “Why don`t you accept me warts and all. I ll fuck those lil whores but your my queen that I love.” Wowww, I feel so special!! What a sweet talker! Except, that it`s a pretty shallow and lonely world when you`re boinking anything that moves but not eating cake! Poooor hijo de puta!

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  whodathunk

Horrible horrible sack of skin and bone. I’m so sorry.

ANC
ANC
9 years ago

After hooking with the MOW in Texas at one of his conferences, MOW gifted Cheater a branding iron in the shape of his last name initial. He proudly displayed this memento in my home….until I fucking connected the dots and tossed it.

Last year, after DDAY, Cheater requested as a gift for Christmas a binder for all of his NYC Broadway theater Playbills. A storage memento of all of the Broadway shows he attended with the MOW from the past decade. (wtf)

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

The branding iron is a contender, did he ever use it on the MOW? Laughing at that thought…

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Well, he tried to jokingly brand me, so I would say YES. He has zero originality and she gifted it to him. They are both pretty sick people in so many ways.

fbi
fbi
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

WOww 10 years this rigamarol…why did he not come clean instead of going through so much trouble??? Very weird indeed!

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  fbi

“As soon as this hurts my family, it’s OVER…” Direct quote of entitled, academy award winning NPD ass. I’m in the pissed at myself phase because I never knew until I busted his ass. But….that’s not all….he began EA/PA’s around the 2 yr mark of the 20yr marriage.

But there is a light at the end of this tunnel :). Getting I’s dotted and T’s crossed.

Webster
Webster
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Sounds eerily familiar – I know thing he made it to year 5 in 21 year old marriage but then made up for lost time so to speak…

Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
9 years ago

A clean gutter. A couple of days after my ex abruptly asked for a divorce and walked out, he briefly returned on Christmas Eve. . . To clean the gutters. I knew then he really was not planning on coming back.

Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

He also made the bed. The only time he ever made the bed. But everything else was left disgusting. Cleaning dirty dishes and the bathroom of a cheating bastard who just ripped your heart out is the worst.

I will submit again in the proper three line format. Going on four hours with no caffeine.

kb
kb
9 years ago

Four hours with no caffeine? TIme for an IV!

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago

One very broke Christmas STBX received money from his mother. He bought an electronic keyboard because he “must feed his soul” and pity me if I can’t fathom how important that is. Meanwhile the kids and I got nothing.

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Blech.

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago

ML– one is left wondering what soul he was feeding. Sounds like an empty category to me.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Indeed. Or what his excuse was for also buying a stupid 9K gold Masonic ring that same year. The soul of his finger, I guess.

Finally realized
Finally realized
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

And was he actually a Mason? I’m sure there are plenty of cheating Masons, but, officially, his behavior could get him kicked out. Then he wouldn’t need the ring. 9 k? 🙂

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago

He’s a mason and Scottish rite and 32nd degree mason simply because he thinks it makes him look mysterious. He wears the ring to show off (9K, hahaha) and he rarely goes to meetings and never does anything for charities. I’ve thought about going to them, but it’s such a boys club — they have basically sworn to have each other’s backs no matter what.

kb
kb
9 years ago

My STBX is a Mason. I think he’s in the line, too. He’s active in both York and Scottish Rite. I know that while there are plenty of cheating Masons, Freemasonry is a fraternity that prides itself on helping good men become better. Moral character is important.

nomar
nomar
9 years ago

My cheater told me she was going to visit an old college friend in Oregon (even emailed me a fake airline ticket receipt). Instead she flew to Vegas to hook-up with a married dude she met online. She called me and the kids each night to say she missed us describe the natural beauty of “Oregon.”

Oregon? More like Whoregon.

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Thinking Garrison Keillor (sp?): Tales from Lake Whore-be-Gone

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Or it could be a new insecticide for cheating wives and OW – “When confronted with those pesky female cheaters who just won’t go away, one treatment of Whore-Be-Gone and you will instantly be whore free.”

chumppalla
chumppalla
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

haha!

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

And, yes, life is much better now that “whore IS gone.”

Charles
Charles
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

How old were your kids when you divorced Nomar? Do you have joint custody? How did she get a fake receipt? Maybe there’s a casino with hemp sweatshirts and patchouli odor that is intended to represent “Oregon” somewhere on the Vegas strip?

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  Charles

Our sons were 12 and 16 when the marriage blew up. Had 50-50 custody until the youngest turned 14 and chose to live primarily with his mother since she enforced zero boundaries and I insisted on unreasonable demands like, you know, video games limits and bed times and decent grades and not hanging out with friends who smoked pot. Standard visitation after that. True suckitide. Fake receipt was not problem for the ex since she co-owned a publishing company and did online design work.

Great symbol of our marriage, that receipt: Fake, fake, fake.

fooled for 35 years
fooled for 35 years
9 years ago

My fave- Before I knew of OW she came to town on a “business trip” and my ex wanted me to pick her up at the airport with one day’s notice. I had plans with the kids and couldn’t pick her up on short notice. Later he told me that if I had met her on that day that he wouldn’t have had an affair with her.

fooled for 35 years
fooled for 35 years
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

What he meant is that if I had made her acquaintance on that day by picking her up, he wouldn’t have cheated with her because I would have known her. See, it’s all my fault, don’t you know?!

Finally realized
Finally realized
9 years ago

See what you did?!

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
9 years ago

I second that….

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
9 years ago
Reply to  CalamityJane

I third that!

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

Quad that

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago

OMG, Fooled!! Talk about blame-shifting and emotional manipulation! What a pos!

fbi
fbi
9 years ago

He texted me lovelorn messages drunk out of his mind after getting wasted at the stipclub: “Why don’t you accept me”, he lamented! Bullshit trabslator: “Why don`t you accept me warts and all. I ll fuck those lil whores but your my queen that I love.” Wowww, I feel so special!! What a sweet talker! Except, that it`s a pretty shallow and lonely world when you`re boinking anything that moves but not eating cake! Poooor hijo de puta!

kitkat
kitkat
9 years ago

The weekend before D-day I was invited to their date night. At the nightclub, cheater started dancing with me with his front rubbed up against my back (the kids call that freak dancing, hahahaha!). At one point, I looked in the mirror and OW was freaking him from behind at the same time. A cheater sandwich!

kitkat
kitkat
9 years ago
Reply to  kitkat

Thanks Dat and nomar. I was trying to keep it brief but I should have added that I immediately left the dance floor when I saw that and went to the car. When we got home and I questioned cheater about it he said, “What’s the big deal? I dance with your sister like that!” Uh, no. I then devised my plan to find out what was really going on with those “just friends” and viola – D-day three days later.

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  kitkat

The ultimate cake-eater wet-dream–triangulation that (as they used to say on American Bandstand) “has a good beat and you can dance to it!” The only thing that might’ve topped that for him is if the two of you had started fighting over him. What a loathsome shitstain of a human being.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  kitkat

that is all kinds of fucked up, I’m sorry kitkat

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
9 years ago

While confronting my (now) ex wife who is a marriage therapist about the OM, I remember her telling me with a straight-face that the OM had nothing to do with our marriage problems. The next month she relaunches her private counseling practice as a practice from a Christian perspective (in bold letters) specializing in rebuilding trust and helping those dealing with infidelity. This is still during the time she was denying the affair/gas-lighting me.

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago

She’s still denying the affair. She recently tried to sue us for the blog, claiming it was defamation for him to say his ex wife cheated on him. Needless to say sending her written confession naming her affair partner to her lawyer didn’t give her a case. She STILL tried a 2nd time to control the narrative that he could only reference her adultery if he put the stipulation that it happened after she left him (no legal separation was in place and she was mad that DM wasn’t talking to her more during this “separation” time). That doesn’t stand up either considering the state she tried to file from considers adultery adultery, regardless of physical separation. You’re either married or you’re not. She was still married and carrying on with someone not her husband. Suck it lady!

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  fiestypants

I’m glad she’s annoyed by the blog. She should be ashamed. SHOULD.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Does that even hold water Feistypants? I’ve often wondered about that but if you don’t name, names and what you’re saying is true doe they have a legal leg to stand on? I hope not.

Feistypants
Feistypants
9 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

CS-We’re not lawyers of course, but the ones we talked with said truth is a complete defense. (If there’s another court decree in place that you’re violating then you have to be aware of being held to that i.e.; if the divorce decree said you can’t live side by side and you violate that then you’re held with that violation, regardless of false accusation for defamation). If it actually goes to court and you have to defend yourself you still have to pay to defend yourself to prove it’s true. That’s the shitty part. In order to file defamation you also need to prove financial damages. When you’re not specifically identified it’s really hard to prove those damages. She only sent threatening letters and you can say whatever you want in a threatening letter via a lawyer. (If you ever get a threatening letter from a lawyer take the time to find out if it even holds weight. If you take it at face value you’re probably screwing yourself over unnecessarily). What was said in those letters wasn’t accurate, didn’t hold legal weight, it was just a bully tactic. She also would have needed to foot the money to even bring it to court. Very unwise when you already know you don’t have a case, will lose and be out all of that money. We didn’t need to hire anybody, it was sufficient enough just to reply via email or phone. Had it gone to court her written confession is all we would have needed to prove our case.

nomar
nomar
9 years ago

Jeremiah 3:9 much?

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago

There are no words, DM.

13YEARCHUMP
13YEARCHUMP
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

I have no words DM!

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago

Winner, winner, DM! Not sure it will make a great cartoon but a Christian marriage counselor pulled that nonsense! Run, clients, run!

Regina
Regina
9 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Oh Boy DivorceMinister!! My condolences! Maybe the cartoon could show the inside as well as the outside of her “office” with some kind of “wall” partition from the side view. On one side is the sign (CLASSIC!!) and on the inside, she is twisted up with the “patient” on the couch!! Definitely showcases twisted Cheater Logic at it’s finest!

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Well, CL, I do remember her telling me several times that she was always “open to reconciliation.” She just needed to see ME to address the “real issues.” Because screwing another man isn’t the real issue…how dare I point that out!

ANC
ANC
9 years ago

I would comment as Unbelievable, but nothing these assholes do is unbelievable anymore.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Such truth ANC!

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago

DM– I got the same thing, he would go to marital counseling contingent upon working on my issues that had made him unhappy. I told him to go to hell instead (guess he hadn’t received the memo that after the affair, he had zero bargaining power).

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
9 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

My ex refused to cop to the PA until much later even though I had pretty solid evidence indicating it took place. I think she didn’t cop to it knowing it would change the power dynamics. It’s harder to convince another marriage counselor that the problem is your husband when it’s known you cheated on him for months (minimally).

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I was so stupid, I agreed to a bogus reconciliation in which he expected ME to make all sorts of changes to make him happy, including supporting him financially when he quit his job to become an actor. His concession was that he claimed he would no longer cheat on me and was going to be truthful from now on. Of course, that was a total lie.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Jesus Cheater providing marriage counseling from a Christian perspective; thou shalt not commit adultery, if you do, we are here to help you blame your spouse and get them back on God’s path…yikes

Toni
Toni
9 years ago

1. I got an anonymous letter at work exposing Ow #1 – which my boss opened (Yes, I am a Chump at work too 🙁 )
2. Before I could confront him I saw him kissing OW #2
3. Dday he confesses letter writer was an OW also, and that he’d been cheating from DAY 1 … for 13 years.

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago
Reply to  Toni

your boss opened it?!

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago
Reply to  Toni

A string of OWs–that brings new meaning to the term ‘chain letter.’

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest, you are funny. But Toni, you were up to 3 OWs before you even got to confront him? Sheesh.

chumpanzee
chumpanzee
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

Holy cow! Three at the same time!
Add to the refrain:
On the 3rd day of Cheatmas, my cheater gave to me:
THREE other women!

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
9 years ago

I got a new Trader Joe’s bag each time he got a “massage me off”

There was a parlor near each one in our area.

I sent him packing with his Trader Joe’s bags. Mother Fucker, almost ruined my shopping at my favorite store!!

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
9 years ago

I am the most dangerous person in the world to him… because I am the only person he abuses.

chumppalla
chumppalla
9 years ago

ohhhhhh, I so know that one.
Don’t think it will make a fun cartoon, though. 🙁

Susan
Susan
9 years ago

1) Last Christmas, Cheater gave OW an anal vibrator. I got a cupon to get a massage because I was “too stressed”

2) When asked for information about OW so I could know about her as much as he knew about me, Cheater says “I didn´t talk to her about you, out of respect”

3) OW advised Cheater on how to go through an amicable divorce like she did with her cheater-Ex (who cheated on her with someone with my same name). Former-chump-turned-OW told him to get joint custody, not tell the children about the infidelity, and maintain a good relationship with me. She lets her cheater-ex stay in her home when he visits her and her daughter is friends with cheater-ex´s OW´s daughter. She wanted the same for “us.” When I questioned her about how she could become an OW having been a chump, she said that infidelity is a “sociological fact” that occurs in most marriages and that all we have to do is accept it and deal with it!!!

4) Dday occurred when I found out his 15 day work trip was in fact a escapade with OW. Two days after Dday he still went on the trip and send me an email about how he hoped we could have a friendly divorce after 20 years of mostly good times. He added that I could have also fallen in love with someone else considering the way things were going in our marriage. It just happened to him first….

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago
Reply to  Susan

“1) Last Christmas, Cheater gave OW an anal vibrator. I got a cupon to get a massage because I was “too stressed””

Sounds like you got the better deal! But seriously, what says true love like an anal vibrator? 😉

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

I officially just spit water at my computer. Thanks Glad! You crack me up!

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago
Reply to  Susan

(From the perspective of the AP)
On the first day of xmas my “true love” gave to me, one anal vibrator…………………………………..

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  fiestypants

Hehehehehe

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago
Reply to  Susan

Susan, love the anal vibrator gift! So while you were metaphorically taking it up the a**, she was literally doing so. (that will be a NSFW cartoon, CL!)

Regina
Regina
9 years ago
Reply to  Susan

Susan; I got that same one #2, “I didn’t talk to her about you” like it is out of some kind of respect. I would suspect since everything they do is selfish that it was because it would be a “buzz kill” and may affect their precious hard -on. #3 so twisted I ad to read it 3 times to even understand it! Ugh!!

Margaret
Margaret
9 years ago

1. He continued to fuck one of his old girlfriends for the first 8 years he lived with me (I didn’t know till Post D Day). My WTF moment was when on FB she told me she “broke up with him in 2007” when he had been living with me, I thoughy monogamously, since 1999. I remember thinking, “Huh? How could she break up with him if he was with ME at the time?” Duh.

2. The OW that caused D-Day was once married to a good friend of Cheater and mine, 20 years ago, which I also didn’t know till Post D Day. I was telling the friend’s current wife about Cheater and his OW when she suddenly asked me OW’s name. When I told her, she laughed out loud and said to her husband, “Hey George (I changed his name here), Cheater is fucking your Ex Wife!!” Upon hearing this Cheater said this proved they were meant to be together. WTF?

PF
PF
9 years ago

It just blows my mind how absurd and wacky these cheaters are.

The crap they do and say is beyond ridiculous. It really comes down to how desperate they are to feel special, and their brains shrink as their egos grow. What there really are dumpster divers for attention…..it’s like they get all excited about a rotten bag of potatoes, half eaten chinese takeout, a rancid piece of meat and rat droppings. For a cheater this is a feast and you better not tell them this is not so.

The worst thing she did was buying a ticket for her luuurve so he could sit directly behind our family at a play we went to. This excited her, having our kids and me there while he sat behind us and sexted her throughout the show.

PF
PF
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Yes, on the day I confronted with evidence, she went in hysterics, jumping from couch to couch sucking on our throw pillows. Even though I’m a guy I liked those throw pillows but they met an awful death.

I have new throw pillows at my place, scotch guarded and nutcase protected.

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago
Reply to  PF

“jumping from couch to couch sucking on our throw pillows.”…hahaha that’s right in line with jumping around in a sleeping bag! Stress relief for a cheater: jump around in a sleeping bag and chew on throw pillows….(insert face here)

BarristerBelle
BarristerBelle
9 years ago
Reply to  fiestypants

🙂 as my XH was the one bunny hopping in the sleeping bag, I think he could have been related to PF’s throw pillow weirdo. This one is definitely cartoon worthy!

PF
PF
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I feel sorry for the state of Texas CL, especially those in the Dallas area. If you see a breast implanted woman in neon yoga gear and a fat bald gun slinging meat and potato juices dripping from the side of his mouth port man, run…run…. and hide your throw pillows. If you happen to run into them, spray them with scotch guard and notify the local throw pillow authorities.

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  PF

There is not enough Purel to exorcise that image from my mind

MmmHmm
MmmHmm
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

PF your throw pillow eater has me rolling. I can’t top that.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  PF

‘scotch guarded and nutcase protected’. LOL PF 😀

Q: How do you nutcase-proof throw pillows? For future reference 😉

PF
PF
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Well, I was told scotch guard is like garlic to vampires. If my ex ever tried to eat my new throw pillows she’d dissolve into a puddle of vapours, something like the wicked witch in the wizard of Oz.

I was thinking of gifting her throw pillows as a wedding gift. She married a much older fat, bald Texan meat and potato gun collector husband. She’s a vegan, breast implanted yoga student. Namaste Y’all and god protect all the throw pillow in the world.

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago
Reply to  PF

Should all-natural vegans have silicone breast implants? Just askin…..

PF
PF
9 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

When you’re disordered narcissist yoga vegan who eats organic but gets silicon boobs it’s about being authentic and loving yourself. I guess she thinks being vegan and getting implants is evens out the toxins… She don’t eat meat but gets Botox, she eats raw veggies but got herself implants. It’s all about narcissistic balance, and the new tits got her a new husband. Win..win…namaste y’all.

Margaret
Margaret
9 years ago
Reply to  PF

He’s sick. Mine did something similar, suggested he and I watch House of Cards (in which infidelity figured largely in the plot) on netflix together the week that he was spending literally every day fucking OW then texting her all night while I was sitting next to him in our matching recliners. He’d say “Love ya! Goodnight!” when I got up to go to bed, then whip out his phone and text and picture-text her and she him. I only found this out after DDay by matching his cell phone records (phone service paid for entirely by me of course), with our tv watching history. Sick, sick, sick.

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago

After breaking up his affair to stay with me (unbeknownst to me at the time), my H posted a personal picture of me in lingerie on Adult Friend Finders without my permission. Guess he was craving sexual novelty and wanted to watch other men have at me.

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
9 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

That sounds so uncannily familiar! My H posted provocative and a nude photo of me via craigslist “Casual Encounters” – using me as bait to try to get a foursome going…..all without my knowledge or consent. I found out later through the emails.

Drew
Drew
9 years ago

1. Ex, an entitled peace officer, tried to serve me the divorce papers himself (a big NoNo in CA) then drove over to our neighbor’s houses to finally get another asshole to do it. (Laughs all around except when he showed up my daughter was there and I, at that time, feared he would harm me.)
2. A month after Dday, he gave me two unwrapped gifts for my birthday, an album of Taylor Swift’s, Fearless, and a water bottle.
3. He butt dialed me on the way to Costa Rica with his whore, then brought back souvenirs for his kids(16,18).

fbi
fbi
9 years ago

Also I have another one: `what happens with those lil bitches has nothing do do with me and you”. THis after 4 years of trying to get blood from a stone, in this case an admission from a cheater. This is true compartment thinking at it`s best. A relationship is about sharing a life together not leading a dual one. (by the way I got this much out of him because I pushed him in a corner and told him I had cheated on him, he freaked)

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago

Last week, totally out of the blue, I got a text from my ex saying that he’d purchased me a box of Wheatena and was going to mail it to me.

I don’t know what his thing is about me and hot cereal.

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Glad–Kinky that obsession with hot cereal.

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

That’s really funny, GladIt’sOver!

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

I think the penis pictures might outdo the box of cereal. She still can’t play 😛

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Please CL, can Glad just give the one submission for Penis Still Life? That is an amazing entry.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

And THIS GladIt’sOver is the reason you cannot play! LOL

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Yes, but I laugh so much when I read about the stuff he does.

PF
PF
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I think Gladits’Over cheater deserves the “Turd , Hall of Fame Trophy”.

Regina
Regina
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

“Cheatena” perhaps it should be from here on out! Downright weird. Costs more to send a box thsn it’s worth, but let’s not try to unwind Cheater Logic,

tflan386
tflan386
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Years ago, when my three young children came home from an overnight visit with their father and the OW, I found a glossy 5X7 colour photo of the OW strategically placed in each of their three little suitcases.

Katy
Katy
9 years ago
Reply to  tflan386

The whore put a glossy 5X7 of herself in each of your babies’ suitcases? SO fucking revolting. I feel like this should win something for sure. I would have felt murderous rage over that one. 🙁

GetAClue
GetAClue
9 years ago
Reply to  tflan386

Please tell me you drew a moustache and unibrow with magic marker on each of the photos and sent them back to the OW.
We’re the photos glamour shots by any chance?

MmmHmm
MmmHmm
9 years ago

1) after he moved out, he would come back to my house when no one was home to use the bathroom –

RobinLee
RobinLee
9 years ago
Reply to  MmmHmm

If I spoke to my cheater “at the wrong time”, he would look at me all accusingly and say, “I was just going to take a POO, and YOU interrupted me. Now I have to wait!”

So glad I never have to hear that again!

BarristerBelle
BarristerBelle
9 years ago
Reply to  RobinLee

Hahahahaha!! my God, that’s hysterical. We chumps just can’t do anything right, huh?

RobinLee
RobinLee
9 years ago
Reply to  BarristerBelle

I’ve known this guy over 30 years…how could I have married someone so tiresome? I can’t imagine snapping at someone for speaking to me when I felt the urge to do a #2…freaky!

Katy
Katy
9 years ago
Reply to  RobinLee

HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! God this contest is awesome.

RobinLee
RobinLee
9 years ago
Reply to  Katy

Hey, you just interrupted my POO!

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago
Reply to  MmmHmm

WTF? That’s really creepy.

chumpfor21
chumpfor21
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I just Love it when MmmHmm writes about this. It makes me laugh every time. This one gets my vote!

Along with the disordered character and disordered finances, there might be a facet of the pooping deal that is a warning light for these characters. My ex was on a pooping schedule (2x per day in case you were wondering AND at SPECIFIC times ). And if perchance I was not present when the poop was expelled; he would love to regale me with the tale of how big it was, how long it took to expel, and where he was exactly when it was expelled. You cannot make this stuff up. It’s as if he’s two years old – telling Mommy about potty training. WTF? Seriously, is there a psychiatrist out there that can shed any light on that behavior? Ewwwwww!

I hope CL runs a Valentine’s Day contest because I have a good one that might get me an honorable mention for that DDay holiday.

sodone
sodone
9 years ago
Reply to  chumpfor21

chumpfor21,

Yes!! I am sooo glad I do not have to hear one more story about how his bowel movement is
curled up like a snake with its head poking up out of the bowl!!! And no, your shit size has nothing to do with your other size!!! LOL

chumpfor21
chumpfor21
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I’ll start working on it forthwith. Maybe with an accompanying interpretive dance.

Janet
Janet
9 years ago

Christmas Entry
1. found Christmas list in cheaters coat pocket.
2. Listed OW, kids, me, pets.
3. Divorce atty said ” at least he listed you before the dog”

can’t make this shit up!

Drew
Drew
9 years ago
Reply to  Janet

Lol, Janet! Six months before blowing our marriage up, my ex attended a work seminar. It was along the lines of priorities, work, life, and balancing them out. I guess cops divorce more than the general population. Well, anywho, fucktard was spending a lot of time doing the things he liked best. Work. Racquetball. Hanging out with his “friends.” And those made the top of his list, in that order. Then somewhere down the line he had noted wanting to spend more time with our children (because he wasn’t…). Last was me. He was probably living a double life then. He left the workshop’s journal on the kitchen counter which was where I saw it, and I had plenty to say. Amazing how disconnected he was. I used to give him far better character than he had and spackled like a pro.

Syringa
Syringa
9 years ago

1. My XH told me I was his second wife when we got married, come to find out I was his FIFTH….and he cheated on all of them.

2. After he recovered from a life threatening illness he insisted we renew our wedding vows on our anniversary. Five months later I caught him sneaking off to fuck Skank Woman at a skeezy hotel.

3. As I cried my eyes out at the kitchen table when I found out he cavalierly told me to ‘move on because he was, go get some friends and do some things and to get a boyfriend.’

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
9 years ago
Reply to  Syringa

Your #3 sounds familiar. The morning after dday, my ex and I were sitting at the kitchen table, and he told me who he thought was interested in me.

just another chump
just another chump
9 years ago

My loving ex-husband started buying odd items about the time he hit his midlife crisis. The Harley Davidson was predictable. But why the $2,000.00 authentic tailored Scottish kilt and accompanying gear (he’s a freaking 16th generation French-Canadian) to wear to his Malt Whiskey Group meetings. And the ceremonial officer’s sword despite the fact he’s been out of the military for over a decade. Then he started talking about getting dental implants to replace some troublesome crowns.
My sons and I were at a loss to explain these weird purchases. One even quipped “oh God Mom, gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon, all I can see is Dad in his kilt with breast implants riding the motorcycle with that damn sword between his teeth”
Waste of money but we still laugh about it now!

Drew
Drew
9 years ago

Just Another Chump, I think this is a great way for our Cheaters to dissipate assets. My ex purchased two trucks, a car, guns, and traveled (without me), then dumped 60k in savings, refinanced the house, pulled money out, stole money from the kids’ savings (college funds), then walked out on our mortgage. He was just making it easier to split the estate!

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago

I guess a kilt makes it easier to get at the haggis.

PF
PF
9 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I vote for the cheating French Canadian wearing a two grand Scottish Kilt riding his Harley with a sword up his ass.

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago
Reply to  PF

Me too!!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago

This could be a contender, write it in 3 succinct sentences, totally love your son’s comment

nomar
nomar
9 years ago

Okay, since this post has a Christmas theme, gonna start a sub-thread here:

CHRISTMAS GIFTS YOU RECEIVED FROM A CHEATER. Chr

My most memorable from the ex-wife? A set of craftsman screwdrivers. 3 flat head, 3 Phillips head, in a plastic wall-hanger. Extravagant, no? And yet oddly fitting for a woman who seemingly ***screwed*** so many dudes behind my back.

So, what Christmas gift did you receive from your cheater that, in hindsight, tells the story of who they were?

RobinLee
RobinLee
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Worst Christmas gift: A SEX SWING. FOR CHRISTMAS!

“Ummm….gee…thanks, Honey. (Gulp!)

slg188
slg188
9 years ago
Reply to  RobinLee

Last gift from the cheater was a pair of shredding scissors. Nice… DDay was the day after Christmas.

RobinLee
RobinLee
9 years ago
Reply to  slg188

Gosh, if we’d only known each other, I could have used your shredding scissors on my sex swing and made a ghillie suit!

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

A knife sharpener. He is the big backstabber in my life.

Toni
Toni
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

He shoved some crumpled $20’s into my hand the last Christmas, I was pretty confused, he’d always bought me gifts before. This was a few weeks before he got caught. Guess he was too busy to shop?

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  Toni

“He shoved some crumpled $20’s into my hand.”

Sounds like a habit he might’ve picked up with the OW. LOL.

Drew
Drew
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I want to play! Just name the date CL!

Catherine
Catherine
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

Me too. I have some great ones. One of the signs of a narcissist is bad gift giving…bc they can’t bring themselves to actually think long enough about you and what would make you happy.

PF
PF
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Nomar…you’re onto something…the gifts cheaters give is another side to their creepiness.

May I suggest your send your ex “a do it yourself brain surgery kit, along with an industrial sized construction drill”, as a Christmas gift.

Amanda
Amanda
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

That $200 Bose brand speaker thing he’d been wanting.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Our first Xmas together I got a lovely gift of scented candles – really nice (in hindsight, his sister would have bought that for him to give to me). But my first birthday present from him? ‘The Great I Am’ had a big thing about us NOT sleeping together (he reckoned it was because he wanted to keep the romance going – so no listening/smelling his farts in bed) – so my first birthday present was a single duvet and duvet cover, so he could sleep on the sofa in my flat. I was too much of a chump to shove it down his throat, but I must say, I was like WTF? – As it turned out, we very rarely actually slept together in the same room, and eventually I got used to having the bed to myself, but there was a long time where I felt bereft of not having the post-coital cuddles. Urgh – had I been paying proper attention, I’d have taken that single duvet as a sign of how ‘not into coupledom’ that knobhead was! (I’ve adopted a new word – knobhead – I like it – descriptive and vaguely ludicrous )!

Finally realized
Finally realized
9 years ago

1. He insisted that we watch the “Cheaters” program on TV, while he was cheating. Each time, as the show went off, he would say, “If you fall out of love – I mean it happens sometimes – Tell your partner! There’s a right way to proceed! I don’t get why they don’t just do that, instead of sneaking around on them.” I finally told him that I just didn’t want to watch it anymore because it hurt too much to watch these peoples’ hearts breaking week after week. Little did I know.

2. On D Day, I asked what he had told her about me. He assured me, “Don’t worry. She doesn’t think less of you.” Say what? A couple of weeks later, he revealed that she didn’t even know about me. A year later, I said, “I’d like to hear the real truth. What did you actually tell her about me?” His response, a moment of silence, followed by, “What did I tell you I told her?”

3. His OW treated him to at least five fabulous get aways at top resorts around the country, and then during our false reconciliation, they were actively planning a sixth (unbeknownst to me, of course) I told him I planned to go on a trip with my son, and he shouted, “I told you way back years ago at the beginning of our relationship that we were not ever going to take separate vacations!” Uh…and all those five star luxury trips he had enjoyed with her?

“Those don’t count! They weren’t vacations; that was an affair. Not the same thing!”

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
9 years ago

“Those don’t count! They weren’t vacations; that was an affair. Not the same thing!” Finally-for the win!!

Just Wow. I am seriously speechless other to say I am sorry.

Susan
Susan
9 years ago

Finally has three winning submissions…amazing how far a cheater can BS!

Toni
Toni
9 years ago

Just….speechless

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago

” he would say, “If you fall out of love – I mean it happens sometimes – Tell your partner! There’s a right way to proceed! I don’t get why they don’t just do that, instead of sneaking around on them.””

Finally realized—Whoa, that is some amazing denial and emotional subterfuge. And the sick pleasure he must have had watching Cheaters with you. Odious little man.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago

“I told him I planned to go on a trip with my son, and he shouted, “I told you way back years ago at the beginning of our relationship that we were not ever going to take separate vacations!” Uh…and all those five star luxury trips he had enjoyed with her?”

“Those don’t count! They weren’t vacations; that was an affair. Not the same thing!”

You cannot make this shit up

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

I meant to say that the above written by Finally realized is a contender

Finally realized
Finally realized
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

I prefer your abbreviated excerpt of my long-winded wordiness, Dat. Succinctness was never my strong point. LOL.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago

“Those don’t count! They weren’t vacations; that was an affair. Not the same thing!”

…. urgh 🙁 what a complete tool! It never ceases to amaze me what bullshit they allow to come out of their mouths!

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Mindboggling.

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
9 years ago

We go to the beach every summer for a week typically with my sister and her family. The summer before I kicked him out, we decided to go on a cruise instead of the beach. I worked with my sister to plan the cruise, our excursions, travel arrangements, etc. and paid for everything upfront so we could have a relaxing time. The day of departure was my birthday so at dinner that night, my sister had cards and presents. My husband had nothing. He sat there while I opened their presents and didn’t acknowledge my birthday at all. About a week after we got home, I very calmly told him that I was disappointed that he did NOTHING for my birthday. He looked at me and said – oh, I thought the cruise was for your birthday. WTF? How did our annual summer vacation turn into my birthday present? A couple of days later, he emailed me at work to invite me to dinner with him for my birthday – he had already made reservations at HIS favorite restaurant. Me, being the Chump at the time, went just to keep the peace.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago

1) Knobhead’s friends came to stay for Christmas. They basically arrived, spread their junk all over the house, then sat down and expected maid service for the 2 weeks they stayed (were only supposed to be coming for 5 days). ‘The Great I Am’ sat down with them and expected the same maid service. Meanwhile I was clearing up junk after these 3 lazy fuckers, fixing drinks, snacks, housework. The female stated she had a stomach complaint and needed to eat every other hour – and not just a snack, oh no, a full bloody meal! After 5 days I collared knobhead upstairs and whispered that they were doing my head in ‘Well, you don’t have to stay’ was his loving, festive answer.

2) When clearing Knobhead’s drawers after he walked out, I found 2 cheap, cheap (like 99p – on the price stickers) cards – ‘Happy Anniversary To My Wife’ and ‘Happy Xmas To My Wife’.

I reckon both incidences were designed to offend me so much that I would leave him and save him from being seen as ‘the bad guy’. Don’t know why he didn’t end up giving me the cards, I guess he couldn’t think of a good enough excuse for such physically tangible nastiness that I could show anyone. I gave him both cards back when he collected stuff, just to let him know I knew they existed.

Sorry, they weren’t very brief sentences!

K
K
9 years ago

My dh’s ex wife was a sociopath. Dh discovered her affair when the OM found his phone number from her luggage tags and called him… OM states that “she told me she was a widow and that her husband and kid died in a car wreck 5 years ago”. When confronted with the truth, that husband and child were still very much alive, OM states “Well I love her, man.” The End.

The sociopath lost custody and rode off into the sunset with the OM.

MmmHmm
MmmHmm
9 years ago

1) after he moved out, he would come back to my house when no one was home to use the bathroom –

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  MmmHmm

sounds shitty…

MmmHmm
MmmHmm
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Love your humor Dat 🙂

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  MmmHmm

LOL MmmHmm – I’m guessing you’re still reeling from the shock of him coming back to use the bathroom – I’m sure I’ve seen it posted here 3 times now 😀

I’m guessing the bathroom is no longer available to him? And, does he now suffer from the worst constipation ever known to man? (Gosh, I hope so! Feed him loperamide if you have to see him – better than a carton of boiled eggs) 😉

MmmHmm
MmmHmm
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

I didn’t mean to. The site isn’t letting me post the whole thing. I have three things:
1) after he moved out, he would come back to my house when no one was home to use the bathroom –

MmmHmm
MmmHmm
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Ahh I can post!! My three were:
1) after he moved out, he would come back to my house when no one was home to use the bathroom –

MmmHmm
MmmHmm
9 years ago
Reply to  MmmHmm

He had to pass four gas stations to get to my house.
2) I keep a very clean house. when I was confronting him about his affair, he began licking my kitchen countertops to distract me

chumpfor21
chumpfor21
9 years ago
Reply to  MmmHmm

Licking the countertops? That is just astonishing.

PF
PF
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

This break and enter Shitter deserves the Turd trophy.

MmmHmm
MmmHmm
9 years ago
Reply to  PF

PF I love your comments! A true snark just like me! 🙂

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago

K – that’s incredible. I don’t know which shocks me more, the callous lie the ex-wife told, or the OM who obviously didn’t give a fuck she’d told him that lie! Maybe he was a sociopath too?

Regina
Regina
9 years ago

When my ExH told me about is past affair (supposedly past, but still in workplace 2 x a week at the time) He blurted out angrily “Well I could have had you both!!
I pointed out that he could only “have us both” because one of us was a home wreaking whore, and I did not know, as I would never be part of such a arrangement.” I told him “don’t forget your wallet, most of them don’t do this for a happy meal!” (they seem to think it is their irresistible D–k!”

Catherine
Catherine
9 years ago
Reply to  Regina

Haha. Why can’t I think that fast? One of the best comebacks that I have heard.

Drew
Drew
9 years ago
Reply to  Regina

Regina! So funny! Yes I imagine if my ex, fucktard, had been poor his Schmoopie would not have walked out on her life either. Health insurance anyone?

Amanda
Amanda
9 years ago

Ooooh, I can play! Now that I can look back and see how much of a narcissist my XH was, this makes perfect sense:

We had a lot of trouble getting pregnant. In 2009, I finally did, but found out I there was no heartbeat and I was going to have a miscarriage. It took about 3 weeks between when we found out and for the miscarriage to finally happen, and it happened over the holidays. The day before Thanksgiving, while I was sitting at home, probably in the worst depression of my life and just wanting to see my family, XH went out and finally bought himself that mustang he’d always wanted. I had to wait about 6 hours after we were supposed to have left to see family while he was up at a dealership…and he wondered why I didn’t think the car was the most wonderful thing on the planet.

We had to give up the mustang about a year later when we declared bankruptcy. XH wasn’t the best at paying for all the stupid toys he wanted.

LilyBart
LilyBart
9 years ago
Reply to  Amanda

Ugh. What an ass. Sorry you had to go through this.

Amanda
Amanda
9 years ago
Reply to  Amanda

Oh crap, that wasn’t very succinct…how about.

XH decided to deal with MY having a miscarriage by buying himself a new mustang to “numb his pain.”

There, succinct.

mary
mary
9 years ago

True story:
On his last night before moving out – under false pretenses – left a piece of soiled toilet paper in the bed for me to discover when I got home next day. He claimed that all the stress of leaving me had given him diahorrea.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago
Reply to  mary

OMG, that is so nasty.

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago
Reply to  mary

Words fail me. Think long and hard about the step-by-step process he took to leave a soiled piece of toilet paper in the bed.

Finally realized
Finally realized
9 years ago
Reply to  mary

Okay, that brings the term “Asswipe” to another level altogether.

Opposite Spouse
Opposite Spouse
9 years ago

My wife spent three hours on Christmas day drinking wine and sexting with her boyfriend in the tub with my kids on the other side of the door and me in the freezing basement assembling an air hockey table (gift from her parents), She then came downstairs and proudly announced how she spent her day.

Opposite Spouse
Opposite Spouse
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

She said she had been “communicating” with him using a secret phone. I saw a few of the texts and a copy of the bill. It got a lot worse — she took a drunken tumble at 4:00 AM that morning and smashed her face. One eye was completely swollen shut. My kids were horrified and had to spend 10 days with my parents while she recovered. My 9 YO told me the other day that the only thing he wants for Christmas this year is to forget last Christmas ever happened. She sucks, right?

Catherine
Catherine
9 years ago

Oh God. Yes. Your children definitely don’t need to witness that.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago

do you mean di-whorea?

slg188
slg188
9 years ago

About a month prior to DDay, at 5pm ex asked if we could have a spur of the moment work party that night. Turns out I cleaned the house for his MOW and his asshole work friends that thought such behavior was ok. AND, he gave her a tshirt at the party. AND, he immediately left the party at the end. Now I know why I was gaslighted. Don’t you know I’m the crazy one thinking something weird was going on.

Maree
Maree
9 years ago

I can’t add to this post but I do want to wish everyone here at Chump Nation a wonderful Christmas. Particularly to all of us who will be spending it alone. Here is to a fabulous 2015. Onward and upward I say.

Catherine
Catherine
9 years ago
Reply to  Maree

Thanks Maree. Same to you!

slg188
slg188
9 years ago

Even better…. My ex went into my house after DDay and stole my child’s crib from the attic.

Drew
Drew
9 years ago
Reply to  slg188

Lol,slg188. My ex on his way out took two things that belonged to our children (college and high schoolers at that time) their big trampoline and their big wagon. Both had been gifts to my children (and ones they had used from baby/toddlerhood on) from my parents (their ONLY set of grandparents).

slg188
slg188
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

The crib was his when he was a baby. Which I hated having to use for my child- it was over 30 years old! But, I was the crazy one for thinking it wasn’t safe. Glad it was gone, but totally felt violated that he took it and never told me until I realized it was gone months later.

Finally realized
Finally realized
9 years ago
Reply to  slg188

Colossal disrespect for you! Why did he need your crib? I hope not for a love child with the OW! Jeez.

Survivor
Survivor
9 years ago

My STBX brought his infant OW along to play wheelman while he broke into my new apartment. While I was home. After I’d moved to a secure undisclosed location, forwarded mail to a P.O Box, garaged my car and gone no contact. I think he sweet talked someone into giving up my whereabouts. And I don’t believe it was the first time. Someone had taken a crowbar to a patio sliding door but only got it open a few inches (stymied by a steel pin through the frame) and had bent a heavy duty security screen door (new), all inside a couple of weeks and after I decided to move away. I think the idea was that unknown burglars would take whatever he didn’t like me getting in the property settlement and they’d have a chuckle about it.

But seriously, who brings their trollop with them to steal from their wife?

lisahaight1969
lisahaight1969
9 years ago

1.) Told me that MOW and her 3 kids should move in with us because not only was she having money troubles, but her marriage was in Trouble!!!

2.) While away on a fantastic trip that none of us would have been allowed to go on, MOW brought me a box of chocolates on Valentines Day.

3.) After BD stbx ran around that Christmas in front of family and friends telling everyone in earshot ( including our kids ) that we had better enjoy this Christmas because it would be the last one we ever spent as a family – with a weird smile on his face!!

Stupid Ho Ho Ho

ExpatChump
ExpatChump
9 years ago
Reply to  lisahaight1969

DDay was last Christmas Eve. My kids and I just decorated our tree and laughed and sang and danced to Christmas songs the whole time. I plan for this to be the holliest, jolliest Christmas ever. F***STBX. He wasn’t missed at all.

Drew
Drew
9 years ago
Reply to  ExpatChump

You Go Girl! My family is so much happier without Disordered too! Make those memories count!

Lina
Lina
9 years ago
Reply to  lisahaight1969

Me too! MOW sent me candy.

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

OW picked out Christmas pillows for ex to give to me one year. I left them when I moved out. He probably has them out on his couch now!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  lisahaight1969

lisahaight1969, wow on number one, just wow. I don’t quite understand number two? oh wait, she BOUGHT you chocolates, another wow

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  lisahaight1969

“we had better enjoy this Christmas because it would be the last one we ever spent as a family”–“enjoy” doesn’t seem like the right word, given that announcement.

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  lisahaight1969

lisahaight, my heart goes out to you. During our last Christmas my ex wanted to divide the ornaments up as we were taking the tree down but I couldn’t bear it and begged him to keep them together. Your ex sounds just as cold as mine was. It’s beyond me how little feeling they have for anyone but themselves.

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago

1. My ex wrote a manifesto called “The Secret” which detailed his secret affair with his married grad student.
2. He moved into OW’s parent’s basement after we separated.
3. She is still married, he coaches her son’s soccer team, her kids call him Uncle.

Toni
Toni
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Mine’s “main” OW was homeless. He didn’t want to be homeless too. But Thanks to CL and CN that’s exactly what happened. I will forever be in your debt!

PF
PF
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Winner…..winner…..basement dwellers!!!

It gets damp in basements and the lack of daylight, along with the musty smell and probably has the OW and “Uncle Soccer Coach of the affair Manifesto” looking like the living dead. These folks need a serious spray tan and oxygen.

Maybe you can publish the “the secret ” manifesto, or buy the rights to it and sell it to a toilet paper manufacturer, so everyone has the opportunity to wipe their ass with it.

I’d be happy to wipe my ass and flush the “the secret affair manifesto” down the toilet.

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  PF

LOL PF, love it!

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago
Reply to  PF

PF–I am loving the “basement dwellers” moniker! Fits all cheaters, even those who don’t physically live in a basement.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

My ex was living in an old RV parked in his sister’s driveway for the past six months, but now he has left the country, and is apparently spending the next few months cleaning some stranger’s house in the UK.

Doop
Doop
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Anyone else picturing the Dancing Yeti saying “pip, pip, Guvnah” and “Cheerio!” ?

kitkat
kitkat
9 years ago
Reply to  Doop

Haha! Absolutely!

Drew
Drew
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

GladIt’sOver, I think CL means you can play, you just can’t WIN this year! :). :). :). Laughter is the best medicine!

RobinLee
RobinLee
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

He wouldn’t even NEED a duster!

Marci
Marci
9 years ago

1). My Ex fancied himself an artist. He really was just another Peter Pan, spending hours on end painting little military and war games figures and selling them online. One day he announced he was going to start supplying Dr Who parapernalia…by custom order. Imagine my disgust when, after running all over town finding Miss Kitty stickers to put on his stupid inventions, i discovered that it was the OW who had “ordered” herself a pink Tardis. I am truly embarrassed I ever took in such a loser.

2). After I threw out Cheater, I found all sorts of kinky sex stuff, outfits, etc. in a storage box. I packed it up and sent it over to his office. He sent me an indignant text telling me I had no business embarrassing him like that.

3). When OW slept over at my house, in my bed, while I was away on business…she helped herself to some of my clothes. Little matter that I was a size 10 and she a size 16. She actually posted photos of herself wearing my clothing on her facebook site. She looked astonishingly ridiculous to the point where I was convinced she was totally out of touch with reality.

MmmHmm
MmmHmm
9 years ago
Reply to  Marci

Marci I’m thinking Borderline personality disorder for the OW. That sounds a little too close to Single White Female

KudzuGirl
KudzuGirl
9 years ago