My ex husband left me and our 3 kids almost 9 years ago, after 17 years of marriage, and never looked back. He left us for a married childless woman, his own age. (He’s 7 years older than me.) This January will mark 8 years since he’s laid eyes on our kids by his own choice.
This “romance” was broadcast all over social media as being ordained by God. God brought them together as they’d dated when they were 13 and didn’t see each other again for another 34 years. They were always “destined for each other.” (Insert retching) Our divorce took 2.5 years and these fools married each other before the ink was dry on either’s divorce papers.
I fought him tooth and nail for every single penny we deserved, I’ve been through lots of therapy, read your blog religiously, entered the work force, and have never given up on anything I’ve put my mind to. I found peace and meh years ago, until this past January when, out of the blue, I found out that the wife died of cancer!
I distinctly remember him being irritated when I complained of lower back pain, I had 3 kids in 4 years and migraines. Then he married a woman who got sick and probably needed around-the-clock care and he couldn’t stand it when I had lower back pain? WTH?
He blew up four people’s lives for a person who isn’t even on this planet anymore, so it feels like such a waste to me. The childless wife isn’t there to keep him away from the kids, so why hasn’t he reached out to any of them? Why does all of this bother me so much? At least while she was alive there was a reason I was divorced and my kids were abandoned. Am I going to hell for having these thoughts? Why is my meh gone?
Karma finally happened,
I don’t know if you’re going to hell for those thoughts. The karmic schedulers are inscrutable.
I do know, however, that your ex-husband backed the wrong wife appliance. Cancer can happen to anyone, of course. It’s not karma, it’s bad cell division. But it’s rotten luck for him.
He threw away his family and now he has no family.
Because you care about family, you imagine such a loss would be unbearable. But I suspect it isn’t for your ex. Anyone who can walk away from his three children and never speak to them in 7 years has a glacier where his heart should be.
You can blame the machinations of the Childless Other Woman, but the fact is people who cut off their children do it because they WANT to. Because they don’t care. Not enough anyway. Schmoopie doesn’t have superpowers. She can’t cast an enchantment over him (she can’t anything, she’s dead now). He did it of his own volition.
Ergo, he’s the sort of person who swaps people out like used air filters. Who makes children and conveniently forgets children, like they were lost library books left under the bed. Who complains when his wife appliance isn’t performing at maximum efficiency.
Can you imagine having this guy for a caregiver?
As I’ve said here a bazillion times, they don’t get character transplants. Schmoopie “won” that guy.
Why does all of this bother me so much?
Because maybe for the last seven years you thought she won? And you bought the Heart Wants What the Heart Wants narrative? Like, it was all worth it, because his happiness is paramount, and so long as he got his Happy Ending with Schmoops, there was a reason your family broke up?
Versus — Trust that they suck. If you knew he sucked, then you’d know she didn’t get a prize. She lived her punishment. And he did too — who wants a mountain of ice where your soul should be?
This “romance” was broadcast all over social media as being ordained by God.
I guess God must ordain funerals as well.
The childless wife isn’t there to keep him away from the kids, so why hasn’t he reached out to any of them?
Well, he might. He lost a wife appliance. He might need something. Then he can peddle the story that the mean, mean dead lady made him cut them out of his life. But he’s baaaack! And hey, he needs a ride to airport.
I really hope for your children’s sakes he stays out of their lives. The inconsistency is heartbreaking. People can adjust to absences, it’s the yo-yo shit that messes you up.
Why is my meh gone?
It’s not. It just had a wobble. Go back to rocking that new life.