Amy Robach and TJ Holmes Relationship Continues to Baffle
Amy Robach and TJ Holmes’s relationship seems to be showing signs of strain. Has anyone done a wellness check? The star-crossed Schmoopies, who were fired by ABC News for “love,” (cough… a work-place affair) have desperately attempted to remain relevant enthralled everyone with the details of their sex life and day drinking, but now the fickle public has turned its attention to more improving entertainment, such as livestock auctions and reverse mortgage infomercials.
The podcast charts have not been kind to Amy and TJ.
According to the figures viewed on the major podcasting analytics platform, Chartable, the very first episode of Amy & T.J. on December 5 showed promise when it debuted in the top five for all podcasts in the United States.
One familiar source in the podcasting industry noted, “There was a ton of interest in what they were going to say about their affair and being cut from ABC in the aftermath, but I’m not sure anyone expected that interest to continue much beyond that.”
Just a month later, on January 6, it became crystal clear that interest had greatly waned, as the show plummeted the US charts — falling to the 243rd spot.
Amy Robach and TJ Holmes you need to spice up your complicated love rhombus relationship! Have you considered a polycule? Every compelling soap opera adds new characters.
Or you could tell us about the day drinking.
In the January 11 episode of the Amy & TJ podcast they discuss how they’re both surviving Dry January. From the Sun:
Amy said that she would drink about 15 to 20 drinks in a week, averaging two to three drinks in a day.
She said that she drinks beer, wine, margaritas, and Aperol Spirtz.
TJ told her that eight or more drinks per week for women is considered “heavy drinking,” so she “certainly falls into the category.”
Oh that’s nice, TJ. Why don’t you go ahead and remind her that she’s 50 again too, while you’re at it? You hold your drink well for a crone, Babe.
TJ cops to 18 drinks a day.
People Magazine, which has breathlessly reported on every facet of this flaming diaper pile relationship, reports:
“I could easily go through 18 drinks a day — 18 drinks a day,” said Holmes. He noted that it would be “easy” for him to be “two drinks in” at 10 am after a run and that he and Robach would drink at least two drinks during lunch. If the two were not “out and about,” his alcohol intake would remain the same.
“I could easily have a drink in my hand from 2 in the afternoon until 7,8,9, 10 o’clock a night,” he said. Further in the episode, he also revealed the amount of money he and Robach spent on alcohol last year.
“We spent in the month of December $2,869 on alcohol alone, period. I thought the number would be higher, to be honest with you,” Holmes said. “But that is an amount of money now that is going to be saved in January.”
To say nothing of your liver, TJ.
I have so many questions.
Like can you even run with that much booze in your system? How are you not careening into telephone poles?
Also, aren’t you a father? Where’s your kid from 2 p.m. to 10 p.m.? Don’t you have some sports banquets to attend? Or late night runs to the Walgreens for poster board? Doesn’t your daughter have a book report due or geometry homework she needs help with?
Who spends nearly $3K a month on cocktails?
TWU WUV SCHMOOPIES that’s who! THEIR LOVE IS REAL!
Also, I have to ask…
What commute?
Did you see this Instagram post above? (Follow Amy Robach on Insta for every documented moment of her situationship relationship with TJ Holmes.)
“Morning commute.”
You guys DON’T HAVE JOBS.
Oh, you mean your #243rd place podcast? That you could record from your bedroom after your fifth vodka shot?
Is it me, or does TJ look like he wants to jump?
He’s staring at that third rail, while Amy, maniacally accessorized, holds up the phone. Her face says, “WE ARE DELIRIOUSLY IN LOVE! RIGHT, TJ?”
TJ: I could end it all now…
Amy: LET’S TALK ABOUT SPOONING!
TJ: I need a 19th drink…
***
I just don’t think this is going to end well.
Disordered people are going to continue to disorder; this is not a mystery at all. Or, we could go deeper, moths to a flame perhaps? “Honeymoon” phase? Two narcs found each other? Drinking to kill the conscience?
They were originally hired because of how they looked. Then they thought it was because people thought they were awesome and special and cared about their opinions.
I love the harsh reality of their ratings.
And without any hint of irony, a Cheater coughs to spending more on booze in a month ($2869) that I spend on the mortgage on my 3 bedroom house.
This pair are disordered beyond belief.
LFTT
Good point. This is more than twice my mortgage payment – actually, close to 2 1/2 times my payment.
I know! That’s more than 1/2 what I make in a month and almost triple my mortgage. Insanity.
I know – when I read these figures on their drinking a few days ago my jaw hit the floor. And 18 drinks a DAY? How many drinks do you get out of a bottle of Jack? I don’t know if these articles are glorifying them or exposing them. I also wonder if Amy is naturally manic or using other drugs as well. Interesting how many FWs are also alcoholics and/or drug addicts.
So true. My ex-husband was a binge alcoholic and when I learned who his married howorker was I looked her up in the court records. She had a DUI for hitting a parked car.
As I mention here and there (with a traumatized twitch in one eye), I worked in that industry straight out of school and even those who don’t drink like sailors or use street drugs are often glued together with a mountain of pharmaceuticals– pills to wake up, to go to sleep and to treat all the side effects of the other pills, etc., etc. The same is said to be true in politics. There was even a bit about that in The Crown in the scene where the Jackie Kennedy character apologizes for mocking the queen at a political event. Kennedy claimed to have been drunk and having a drug reaction from all the uppers and downers she and JFK took to withstand their high pressure fishbowl lives.
Susceptibility to substance addiction doesn’t make someone a bad person. A lot of people working in media are probably just mega-stressed and even traumatized (hello) if they were ever halfway normal to begin with. But I would guess that the very high percentage of people with personality disorders who are drawn to the spotlight probably increases the rate of substance use disorder. But one thing I saw happening really scared me. I knew normal people who, after some typical horrible industry experience and the usual trip to the H’weird shink, seemed permanently damaged just from taking too many meds or the wrong prescriptions. It changed them even in a character sense. Though it’s rare, this can even happen from cannabis, not just happy pills because no active drug is one size fits all nor are magic bullets and, probably due to benign genetic differences in immune response or metabolism, some people develop what looks like slow dementia or bipolarity or even psychosis from them.
My FW also worked at ABC News until June of 2023 (18 yrs), same place as Amy Robach. He started drinking a lot and taking a lot of Clonazepam while he was deserting me and our kids. Never had before. I think it was to numb his conscience/improve his acting performance as a victim.
Yikes, taking clonazepam with alcohol sort of pushes his performance to the side of “method acting” in terms of playing victim. Pretty suicidal.
Media and showbiz seem to attract the most joylessly pathological horndogs. It wasn’t just men, either. I’ve never met so many aggressively crotch-centric women who acted like frat boys with boobs.
yes method acting. But when he wasn’t building his narrative as a victim — just a complete stretch — it appears he was soundly enjoying himself and gleeful about having ditched us and fooled everyone. Off partying and accepting an Emmy! Which I only found out about through social media. He didn’t even tell me and his kids.
They better be saving that money, prospects don’t look good for either of them. Thing is they likely have some friends in the business who could hook them up with behind the scenes jobs, but folks like that think they are too special for that.
This reminds me of pix of my marriage Me: spackling to keep it together and Husband: checked out. I got this checked out, wanna jump, walking 10 miles ahead of you body language from my then husband. I would feel sorry for Amy – because I’ve been there with the hurtful attitude- if their relationship had started out without them having an affair. But I just can’t. It’s called Karma. It looks like it’s just coming for Amy this time. Hope TJ gets his kick at the karma can at some point too. Chump Lady is so funny with the snark! 😂
That bright red EXIT sign above their heads seems like some foreshadowing…
I think if I had made such an ass of myself, I would lay low and try to rebuild. Heck I didn’t make an ass of myself and that is what I did. Went to my entry level job, worked hard, quietly licked my wounds and rebuilt from the ground.
But, I guess that is why I never made an ass of myself; I was raised to think of the consequences of my actions and to observe the golden rule. It worked for me.
You also didn’t have people constantly blowing smoke up your ass, susie, telling you how great you were and how you were going to succeed despite it all. That’s a big part of what enables losers like these two – the smoke blowers.
Very true. I was well known in our town, we both were; but I still just removed myself from the situation and worked on me, after of course a short time of staying in the fetal position until I got my feet under me, with the help of my sweet dad and brother and my preacher, and a couple close friends.
I don’t get all the show either. I went mostly underground when my ex left and then through the divorce process, not really saying much to people. The pandemic hit two months after my divorce was final, and that was when I really worked through everything. Only my college kids saw the transformation.
When everything opened up, it was like, “Hello, world! It’s single me.” I had shed my married identity and moved on.
I like the one comment “He looks real happy” Hope the excitement was worth it TJ. I hear that plumbing has a shortage of workers, you make good money; but of course will have to start at the bottom.
As a service I would tell them if you have to drink to get through it, something isn’t right and marriage won’t make it any better.
Sadly, once the attention wears off from their current drama, they’ll be back in the news making a big deal about getting sober and looking for sympathy for that.
Oh four sure. Actors remake their image on a regular basis; that is all these folks are, new schtick, revived career.
Therapists will tell you a marriage can’t thrive when addiction is involved. This guys got a problem.
With how much disconnect they both seem to have from reality/consequences their ex-spouses are most likely doing MUCH better than they were before the trash took itself out.
If TJ actually cares about his health he will go to detox. The dude looks physically ill. You can’t drink THAT much alcohol a day and then suddenly stop without your body going through withdrawal.
TJ and Amy both look haggard. Before the admission of daily drinking,I thought she looked hungover in most of her photos..
She’s wearing sunglasses in the subway, is she not?
The weird thing is I can’t imagine how much they drink to not feel the effects physically.
I drink very little, maybe some wine on holidays. The other day I was cleaning and saw a bottle of vodka that I had bought I know at least two years ago. I had not had a mixed drink in years. So I looked up the recipe and made a screwdriver. It tasted good of course, but it tore my inside apart within an hour or so. pain from just under my breast bone all through my gut. Will never drink that again.
I’ve never been a big drinker either. Drinking was literally an annual event for me, as in half a glass of wine at the holidays.
I cannot fathom 18 drinks a day. I don’t think I’ve had 18 drinks in my entire life.
I indulged in the usual high school/college debauchery many years ago, but now I’m afraid I’ve turned into my mother who was under the table after half a can of Coors Light. I’ll occasionally have a tiny glass of prosecco while making dinner but if I have any more I’ll regret it the next day. Just thinking about the amount these two are drinking is giving me a headache!
They’ve built up a tolerance. It happens to alcoholics.
I totally get where you’re coming from, I had two glasses of wine last night because we had steak night and it was my night off. They were small glasses of wine, way under half the glass full more like just under a quarter of it, not those huge full glasses some people pour. I drank about a liter of water along with it. Still woke up with a headache.
They’re alcoholics though. At the point of addiction they are clearly at by their own admission, they have to drink each day just to get to the point of feeling normal. If they don’t drink at all, they will be sick. Even when people like this want to get healthy, they find it’s either go through the brutal hell of withdrawal or find the balance of just drinking enough to function without becoming ill.
If they were decent people, I’d feel bad for them because it is awful and I have family I’ve watched go through this. But they are immoral trash so I just laugh at them.
I fully expect them to be back in the news in a year making a big deal about trying to get sober and asking the public for sympathy.
Will look that up, if the alcohol cooks off I might be able to use it.
Last summer I got together with a few girlfriends. We decided to have a margarita party. None of us had drank tequila in years. We all had one drink, laughed hard for about an hour, and then we all just wanted to go home and go to bed. Our party drinking days are over! LOL
I have some digestive issues anyway; I am sure that was part of it, but dang that was painful.
So now I have a large bottle of just opened vodka to give away, or trash.
Save it to make vanilla extract! Or a berry cordial!
You can use it to make vodka sauce! It’s actually very easy to make and that’s the only reason I have a bottle of vodka in my house. LOL
What do you do when the new car smell in your relationshit has faded away and you can’t find a brand new schmoopie? You drink, of course. What do you do find out you’re unemployable? You get a podcast where you yammer about yourselves and your sad little life.
A man who admits to 18(!!) drinks a day and $2,800 per month in booze criticizes his schmoopie for her alcohol intake. Classic narcissist – the rules don’t apply to meeee!
Also, with his blood alcohol concentration, he had better be careful jumping on that third rail. He might cause a fire.
I noted in my own comment – “my ex/FW often had a similar attitude of pointing out the specks in my eye while defending his planks in the same breath” – and I’ve seen it with other chump’s stories here, as well. Part of the playbook, I suppose. Breaks you down, makes you think you constantly second-guess yourself. Cheater cruelty.
Yeah, I noticed that too. He calls her a heavy drinker and then talks about how he drinks as much in one day as she does in an entire week. He’s going to abuse the shit out of her, he clearly already is with the gaslighting and subtle insults and tearing her down. If she wasn’t a piece of shit I’d feel bad for her. But she is so I hope they stay together long enough to do lots of damage to each other. LOL
agree. I actually do feel sorry for her. He’s a predator.
CL: What commute?
Me: Um, pretty sure they’re going to hell.
LOL. I was wondering why people who spend $3K a month on booze are taking public transport?
🤣
Just waiting here for the handbasket, I mean train. Wheeee!
What’s Matt Lauer doing these days? They could invite Matt to join them for few cocktails and a threesome to increase view ratings. After dry January of course.
Dry January is probably the only time TJ have spent time together sober.
Wonder how much they enjoy spending time together while they’re both sober and unemployed.
Matt Lauer went to some big party recently and I don’t think people were shying away from him. He doesn’t have a career at this point but maybe he doesn’t need one, but it’s kind of like Epstein – they all knew what a POS he was and they still hung out with him anyway.
Imma calling BS on ‘dry January’. No F’n way they make it a whole month without some level of alcohol. Amy swigging the vanilla extract? TJ chugging the mouthwash? Yeah, no they’ve got the little bottles of liquor in their pockets. Guaranteed!
Yeah, they’re definitely drinking. There’s no way he went from 18 drinks a day to nothing and has maintained that for weeks. He’d be seriously ill. Alcohol withdrawals can be so bad they can kill you. My grandfather in law had to lose his leg and his doctor actually told us to bring beer to the hospital while he was recovering because of the DTs and his advanced age. He couldn’t survive going through withdrawal along with everything else.
You’re right – they can’t do that. My parents were both alcoholics. You don’t go from heavily drinking to no drinking. Doesn’t work like that. They might stop drinking permanently but that is a difficult process and for a real alkie might even involve DTs. I’ve seen that too. Alcoholism is NOT attractive at all.
I’m sorry about your parents. My dad was an alcoholic.
I second this. But if they are truly white-knuckling it through without all that alcohol, imagine what fun they must each be to live with? Probably very bored, too, without their friends Bud, Jose and the gang to bring on the party vibe.
In my little world, anyone who daily “needs” to have two drinks at lunch, or a 10 a.m. post-run drink, or a booze in their hand all evening, is someone who finds it nearly impossible to be companionable without it.
Add that to all the “negs” he weaves in about her, and my crystal ball sees her furiously pick-me dancing to try to get back the charm-channel guy she wrecked her life for.
As my twenty-something kids would say, “What a dumpster fire!”
With that much alcohol and so little meaningful content, one or both are going to hit bottom. Well, eventually. What are they thinking? They aren’t thinking. Having spent most of my marriage with someone who was chemically impaired, I know how drugs and alcohol can make people think that they are so much more than they are. The disordered thinking plus chemical impairment is a recipe for disaster because they just aren’t doing life in a normal way.
Each of the professionals involved in my divorce predicted that my ex would eventually go down in flames post-divorce. He was in poor health and had multiple bad flare-ups of his mental health issues after he left. My ex was retired when he took off. He said that he was sober after he left, but who knows. In many ways, it was all the same-old-same-old. His own attorney couldn’t stand him and effectively threw his client to the curb but got the divorce done. The whole thing, divorce to the last step of closeout, took way longer than it should have, and then there were the post-closeout, crazy flare-ups. Now it’s been four years since the divorce was final.
Then he left me alone in 2023. He’s still around, according to a relative who called me after being with my ex and his longer-term lady love at a family wedding. The relative expressed concern over my ex’s finances and how unhealthy he looks. What if this doesn’t last? I think that if this doesn’t last, at least his rage will be directed at her, not me. And it will be very, very bad for him. I was kind to his relative, but not my committee.
I think dumpster fire nails it.
Yup. I will never get why people think they can blow up their families and come through unscathed. They will eventually go down because their foundation is all screwed up and broken.
I have honest, real relationships with my adult kids and a nice circle of friends. That’s truly all I need.
Here’s hoping both of their exes use their day drinking against them successfully to win full custody of all of those Chumped children between them.
That’s what I thought. I read this wondering how their exes are doing. I hope they’re thriving without the dead weight.
I still have no idea who Holmes and Robach are, and I still don’t care.
Exactly what I thought.
Their lawyers will be besides themselves and probably submitting motions to withdraw soon. Their former spouses have all they need to keep them away from their kids and even if they get visitation it will be ordered supervised and those fees will come out of their own pockets.
I never thought of that, maybe there is a good side to them exposing all their stained underwear publicly.
I have seen similar expressions on the faces of my husband and his co star in photos- they look like they’re trying a little bit too hard to convince themselves they’ve been successful in creating a whole new reality because they were too cowardly to deal with their actual lives.
If her sunglasses were off, we’d see the smile doesn’t quite meet her eyes.
Perhaps the environment they were in when the “relationship’ (affair) started masked the quality of the individuals in the “relatioship”. Now that they only have each other, and each other’s baggage reality has set in.
True, but I think that is true in all these cases.
Even in marriage, once the fires subside. I was not blind to my faults or my fw’s faults; but I thought we had an honest love and regard for each other. I honestly loved my fw despite his faults (before I knew about any cheating).
In illicit relationships they have the normal cooling down, then they have what they threw away to get it to deal with. By threw away, I mean their integrity. But chicken or egg? who knows.
Sorry if I end up rambling off topic as I process this last week of cringing flashbacks but I promise it relates a bit in the end. Holmes’ public demeanor strongly reminds me of someone I knew when working as a media intern who, as I just learned, was embroiled in scandal for involvement in a Chappaquiddick type incident in which he callously let the married woman he was screwing die in an attempt to shield his professional image.
Holmes seems crustier and oilier now but, at least when he was younger, he had the same “vibe,” laugh, physical presence, etc., etc. as the guy I knew. One of my favorite characters from Agatha Christie used to be Miss Marple (until my chump experience made me dislike Miss Marple’s side chick backstory) because of how she’d solve crimes by comparing suspects to the eccentric characters she grew up with in her childhood hamlet. Marple’s crime-solving approach boiled down to cross-comparing “vibes,” gestures, quirks, etc. I’m not saying TJ Holmes is going to end up, say, in a coke-covered hotel room with a dead hooker or running over a toddler in a DUI hit and run but that’s my Miss Marple association now– that potential.
But before reading the coverage of this guy I used to work with, I honestly wouldn’t have guessed it. Thank God I was never involved with this Ivy League piece of shit and apparently his charm wasn’t that effective on me but I still have this awful “near miss” feeling because I didn’t fully sense how scary he was at the time or I would have run screaming instead of just walking away politely. I guess prior to middle age– before all the booze or drugs and sleazy lifestyles rot their brains and show on their faces– some of these freaks can get under the radar and seem at least “okay.”
Because my “really, really bad” memory files from my time working in that narc-filled field are overflowing, maybe it was important to me that there were a few professional encounters filed under “not so bad” so I didn’t feel like such a Negative Nelly filled with only shocking tales of woe (not my fault the industry is a creep fest, but still…). But of all the freaks, creeps and rapey monsters I dealt with, one I thought was relatively harmless if a bit too slick for my taste turned out to be the most lethal of all. Shudder.
Anyway, I was so disturbed and distracted by hearing the news that my kids noticed and I ended up telling them the story as a cautionary tale. Just the association refreshes doubt in my ability to steer clear of predators and I’m reminded that sociopaths are like viruses that endlessly mutate their charm offensives to get past human defenses. The point is that honing the picker and calibrating the radar is a worthy lifelong pursuit. As a side note, maybe there’s a picker-honing educational benefit to checking up on people and seeing how certain characters in our lives turn out in the long run. Maybe that’s what “closure” is– finding out how the story ends and what it says about character in order to update the Miss Marple creep-measuring mechanism.
… Another network news person survivor! It is definitely a narc-filled field! My FW is one of the most charming guys you ever met. After all, that was what he was paid to do — charm people into telling their stories on TV. Very good at it!
You also would never believe he was capable of doing what he’s doing to us if you met him. People loooove him.
I might believe it. After all I’ve seen, if someone seems too lovable, warm, twinkly and cuddly, I immediately start wondering if they’re violent abusers at home.
Totally. I tell my kids that if you get that feeling like, wow, I am SO drawn to this person, they seem amazing — watch out for those people. I now think it’s a bad sign.
I always find your insight to be so interesting, although scary. I have always believed that those high-influence types are rotten at the core (or, most of them are) and your stories always seem to confirm it, if not say it’s far worse than most of us could have guessed.
I think those fields attract the best and the worst as far as character and not much in between. The “best” tend to be rare but they do exist here and there if they manage to maintain sanity and sobriety.
WHAT????? Miss Marple was a SIDE PIECE???? I can’t even imagine that – this is something Christie relates as a background? IIRC, Christie had problems with her own marriage/husband. I think the Marple idea of types is pretty true and I’ve seen that myself – people do seem to run to type and the types can be pretty predictable. Also, relationships seem to fall into patterns. I think we’ve seen the Holmes-Rohrback alkie pattern before and it doesn’t end well.
I don’t remember Miss Marple being a sidepiece either and am sorry to hear it but unsurprised. We still have a long way to go with recognizing infidelity as the abuse it is, but we’ve come a long way from decades ago. I’ve noticed a particularly perverse attitude about it among many folks who came of age in the 40s and 50s.
I’ve had numerous elderly women tell me they viewed infidelity as “boys being boys” and “women need to survive” i.e. if you’re the sidepiece, well, all’s fair when women have no financial independence and literally depend on men to survive, so make sure he’s at least compensating you for your time.
It was, and still is, a completely alien mindset to me, and I think mine equally baffled them. These women couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t “fight” for men who clearly didn’t want to be kept, why I was so quick to end relationships that clearly weren’t good for me.
Thanks for saying this. It’s why I come here.
My mom was an educator, and had to go to “inservice” every so often to keep up her credentials. Kinda same.
And, come to think of it, it’s sort of like maintaining democracy, right? We always want to think that political freedom and personal safety– once achieved– are permanent, stable states, not things that have to be constantly protected and sustained and fought for, partly through constant study of “the enemies'” (of freedom, democracy, personal safety, etc.) ever-evolving tactics and guises.
Also come to think of it, this delusion of safety lends to victim blaming as idle bystanders tend to kid themselves that the misfortunes that befall to other people wouldn’t happen to them because they’re too smart or strong or whatever for that. But that attitude belies the fact that, for every person on earth, no matter how experienced, observant, incorruptable or canny, there’s a predator out there who’s evolved just the right tactics to get past that person’s defenses. Case in point, Elie Wiesel getting ripped off by Bernie Madoff.
To hell with “safety hubris.” I’m going to keep updating my program.
How… how is this real? “You’re a heavy drinker. Also, I spend more on drinks in a month than most people spend on monthly rent for a 1bed1bath apartment. This is normal.” I mean, my ex/FW often had a similar attitude of pointing out the specks in my eye while defending his planks in the same breath, but they PUBLICIZED it!
Also, love how everyone just stopped in on their podcast for juicy affair drama details, then dipped. What did they think would happen?
Every now and then I come across an article about these two schmucks and what comes across to me is that Amy is WAYYYYYYYY more into this than TJ. I think for TJ, this was just another romp in the hay that Amy took too seriously and they got caught,etc, etc – I don’t know who these people are ordinarily but my guess would be that Amy is really driving this and TJ probably can’t WAIT to escape. She’s gonna have quite a crash when that happens. Also, the drinking here is completely insane – how can anyone drink this much? The articles make light of it but it’s obvious that both of them are serious alcoholics and these are not people who should be getting publicity for their major malfunctions. Crash and burn.
Well, in the photos he looks completely over it all.
That’s also how I feel about it. Reminds me of ProJared and Commander Holly. When there’s the secret element to it, I imagine they feel like it must be tru wuv! So exciting! Star-crossed lovers, destined to be apart! Their secret escapades must feel like adventures.
Reality sets in. Consequences set in. One partner loses interest – the “adventuresome secret romance” is over. And doesn’t they deserve that exact same high? That’s why they got into the affair, after all! Or, if they are particularly manipulative, they never had that stupid, unrealistic excitement at all, and were just feeding the other partner. However, the other partner is now in too deep – they still cling to that feeling. As a bonus, they HAVE to prove that the damage they caused was worth it. So, you end up with scenarios like this.
…or, that’s just a theory. I think the internal machinations in cheaters can vary, although it all comes down to entitlement and cruelty. And TJ was discussing marriage at some point, although obviously, marriage vows don’t mean much to this couple.
Somehow I don’t hear wedding bells in their future, not with the expressions he has. I think she might try to shove him into it, but I’m not seeing it. I think he likes to float from flower to flower and she’s got him in a death grip.
In the modern era of 24/7/365 relationship advice bombardment from the media, and the acceptance of attendance in therapy, it never fails to astound me that anyone thinks an affair is sane, healthy, emotionally mature, intelligent, and OK. It’s top tier dysfunctional, baked in. Exiting stage left with your affair accomplice does not change the disordered insides of the participants. Effed up people can stay together their whole lives (my former in-laws). Being together and for a long time is not a yardstick of relationship health.
Behold Exhibit B, submitted to Slate’s How To Do It column written by Jessica Slate:
“I got married in my 20s to a great person whom I met in my late teens. i’ve basically been monogamous for 20 years aside from the few times I’ve cheated because I got married following society’s rules (regrettably not really my choice—there was a lot of traditional and familial pressure), and was too young to know about open relationships. I feel very old school.
I want to open up the relationship because we have kids and marriage works out overall except for sex. I no longer feel ANY attraction (even repulsion but don’t want to hurt his feelings) and am bored out of my mind in bed. I have sex out of sympathy, it is a chore. It is a huge effort on my part and he has absolutely no interest or desire for adventure. I feel I have a MUCH higher libido and neither of us feels “wanted” by the other which is off-putting both ways I imagine. I want to sleep with lots more men and explore and have exciting sex. I finally convinced him for an open relationship. However, I still feel like I’m doing something wrong as long as I’m “married.” Like going on dating apps—what if my town/neighbors see me on there? My kids’ friends’ parents might see me on there. I wish I could just be FULLY OPEN and PROUD about it. I want to put OPEN on my social media but my husband’s family is on there. I feel so trapped and desperate. I need something fun and exciting. I’m 40 now and I really want to explore my sexuality. How can I do this in a socially acceptable way?”
She’s been BASICALLY monogamous for twenty years. Except for the few times she cheated.
Huh?
She got married because of society’s rules. Not by choice. She was helpless and had no agency. The wedding vows were spoken in ancient Sanskrit and written on Dead Sea scrolls, so she really didn’t understand the agreement she was making. But wants an open relationship because she feels “old school”.
Double huh?
The marriage works. Except for sex. And her cheating and lying doesn’t factor in. At all. Nope. Not a factor. No input in this letter from the husband. No concerns about whether the marriage, all facts on the table, would work for him.
She wants know how she can fuck her family over in a socially acceptable way.
Can you say “wingnut”?
That’s like saying: I’ve basically been a good citizen aside from the few times I cheated on my taxes and robbed a bank. Regrettably not really my choice—there was a lot of traditional and familial pressure.
Oh the tortured “logic” of an entitled cheater! She’s the victim! 🎻
Those damn societal pressures (laws and vows). If it weren’t for that they would be perfect.
My exFW and I went to a couples’ therapist. Before we started, we were asked to fill out questionnaires where we grade ourselves and each other, A through F, on certain criteria. On fidelity, I gave myself an “A” and she gave me an “A.” For her, I gave her an “F” and she gave herself a “C.” LOL. She’d had affairs with enough guys to field a baseball team. I think, in her mind, a C is 75%, and 75% of the time she was completely faithful! You know, average faithfulness! What an a**hole. I still have that questionnaire sitting around someplace.
That’s original, grading cheating on a curve
I’d love to ask this horrible woman if we could show this letter to her husband and ask him what he thinks of it. I really think that would be my answer – you should not be married to a man who physically repulses you. This is so basic. I hope this guy finds out soon because his life is being wasted on this entitled trash too.
People like the one you mention apparently can’t live without being propped up. Cheaters probably cheat in other areas of their lives too – like on tests, or taxes, or obligations to people…any place they can cut corners or get an edge for themselves or think they’ve “won” over some other person is what they aspire to. They don’t seem to be able to think in terms of everybody playing by the same ground rules. Can you imagine what her husband would think if HE READ THIS LETTER of hers? How that would make him feel? And her one sided hidden cheating doesn’t give him any agency to act on his own. Obviously the answer here is for her to make OPEN decisions with her husband to either stay and improve the marriage, agree mutually to open it up (which means the marriage is dead anyway) or just end it. But the bottom line is these people always need an edge or some kind of prop to get through life because they are weak, shallow and greedy.
Yep, as CL says, it is about the power; they rig the game to their benefit.
The Slate advice column is the biggest trumpet for open marriages you will ever see. It’s a joke that Rich Juzwiak would recommend opening up your marriage for just about any problem, including occasional irregularity and indigestion. I will say this for Rich, though: he does draw a line between cheating and open marriages and never condones cheating.
That said, why does that letter writer want to stay married? She’s repulsed by her husband. What the heck? Let the poor guy go, for God’s sake. I never understand these people.
She wants the benefits of being married – whatever poor repulsive hubby can give her – money, children (and child care), house care, along with being able to claim she’s “married” for social status (after a while most women want to claim to have been married at least once or we feel left out of the group ) – without the actual requirements of BEING married – loving your spouse, wanting to have sex or romantic time with them, wanting to take care of them and vice versa, building a deep relationship with one person. She wants the benefits without the risks or inconvenience or work. Cup o’ soup, cup o’ marriage.
Of course this woman can have an open marriage if she wants one or a poly arrangement or whatever fucked up thing she thinks is gonna make her happy in her shallow little brain pan. But you have to WORK THAT OUT WITH YOUR PARTNER, who has RIGHTS TOO. They never want to acknowledge that THE PARTNER HAS RIGHTS TOO. He or she needs to know what they’re really married to, what this person is doing, what the options are, what their feelings are towards them – they have a RIGHT to this info. It’s fundamental. To deny someone these rights to knowledge about their life and existence and arrangements is to be a Bernie Madoff – but instead of money, it’s love and relationships. I wish someone would show this letter to the husband – not to hurt him, or her, but to let him know what his life now IS REALLY LIKE BEHIND THE CURTAIN. This is WHO you are married to. He has a RIGHT to know that. And then you can make an arrangement if they agree, or more likely, go your separate ways and live as you want. But the bottom line is….they want the benefits of marriage and none of the obligations or hard work or mutuality. It’s so incredibly selfish and evil.
“He or she needs to know what they are married to….” So, so true. If she came to him and said “I want an open marriage because I find you repulsive and sex with you is a chore,” would he stay in that marriage? I guess there’s a chance, but I’m guessing that she never lets on that she really, really despises him.
Yeah, I bet she would never say this or let on to him and if you find someone physically repulsive….how the hell can you even stay in the same HOUSE with them much less the same bed? I can’t imagine if my spouse actually felt that way about me and kept hiding it possibly for years. She needs to end that marriage ASAP and I hope that’s the advice she eventually got. Even if she’s not straight with him about why she wants to end it, it needs to end. What she’s doing is incredibly cruel.
Also, if there is ANY respect for the other spouse, the one who wants to fuck around has to discuss this stuff OPENLY and without pressuring or blackmailing the other spouse into accepting these arrangements because when they do discuss this (usually after they’re caught cheating) they try to push the other spouse into this bullshit and sometimes they cave for a while to keep the marriage going, and they usually regret it. No marriage is worth your self respect and dignity.
That’s what I don’t understand. Why stay married to someone who repulses you if you don’t have to? Why wake up to them, share a house with them, etc.? Just leave! Leave! Go! Shoo!
I’d guess that he gives her a very nice lifestyle, and she doesn’t find that repulsive.
And PS, as an alcoholic/addict in recovery with over 37 years clean and sober, IMHO these two totally qualify. Personally, I see a lot of linkage between affairs and active alcoholism/addiction. That being said, Bill Wilson (co-founder of AA) was notorious for cheating on his wife, Lois (founder of Al Anon), which flies in the face of everything taught in AA. It really pisses me off. I have to take what I like and what works about the program and leave the rest. I appreciate what works about AA, and that about it which has helped people all over the world, but because of this I will never revere Bill Wilson like many do, or any other individual who in public works to better humankind but in private fucks over their so-called nearest and dearest.
I think a lot of these substance abusers/cheaters (the two often go together) are seeking stability in their spouses that they lack and can’t or won’t build up in themselves.
The recovery community was certainly a major factor in how I got my head straight when my addict ex took off. They helped get me out of denial and pointed out the flaws in my thinking. They said that addiction and affairs go together because addiction stokes the feelings of entitlement and disregard for others.
But yes, Bill Wilson was a horrible person. Thankfully he is NOT reverered among my recovery friends.
But their love has to make it! They destroyed two families and their careers to be together! If they don’t last, it was all for nothing!
LOLOLOLOLOL I already thought their spouses were way better off getting rid of these two narcissists but I didn’t know they were also raging alcoholics. Oh, their spouses will both be so happy they are gone once they heal. They dodged bullets. Thank God these two scum buckets found each other so they could leave decent people alone. May they self destruct and only take out each other.
These two are giving off a real Last-Scene-of-The Graduate-in-the-back-of-the-City-Bus vibe. Queue The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel.
[Gob voice]: “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
One thing my FW cited on his way out the door is how much we lack in common: he mentioned my lack of alcohol consumption as one of the reasons we are not compatible. Apparently, he and schmoopie like to tie one on every night. Since they both cheated on their spouses, I can understand how alcohol could become a uniting factor; maybe it dulls the feelings of guilt or shame.
Yep I think alcohol abuse was definitely a love shared between my ex husband and his married coworker. He binged drink nearly every weekend and I learned his affair partner had a dui from hitting a parked car so they were a great match. Never mind her kids were in college and our kids were at the beginning of elementary school. She was even 10 years older than him and just a few years younger than his mommy. For years prior to my D-day, I would joke that he was Mr. Fun Fun Fun. He always had free time to go to sporting events and concerts. On the rare times where it was going to be us doing something fun, child care arrangements would fall upon me to figure out and then more often than not it we be just more convenient for me to stay home with the kids and for something like a concert he’d go with a friend instead. Looking back the 2 times we went to see my favorite singer in concert with friends, he made an ass of himself by drinking too much and then picking fights.
I think some people just enjoy being drunk. I was drunk occasionally as a young person, at parties generally, but not on my own. It can be fun, but I found the hangovers and throw up and occasional black outs too much to handle afterwards so I just stopped entirely. I realized that I drank at parties because I was shy and I learned how to handle that with other means which is healthier. People who actually look for partners who are drunks….well…..I just hope there are no children involved. Both of my parents were alcoholics (as well as other things) and it’s not fun to clean up after.
Neither of these drunks should have any child custody rights.
And supervised visitation only.
“Your honor, I’d like to admit into evidence Season 1, episode 4 of the Defendant’s podcast.”
It just grieves me to give these two disturbing individuals ANY air time from any source. After my intensive training by Chump lady over this past year, Any attention from any source is kibbles, IMO. People with the focus on THEMSELVES don’t care if it’s negative or positive attention as long as it is attention. I would NO CONTACT these two mirror images of each others slimy life and focus on getting a life. These two folks WANT KARMA, want lightening strikes, want crying children and screaming Xs. They want leprosy so they have something to talk about. The world is a shallow tar pit. Getting a life is my leg up. I’m learning.
Amy has a crazed manic smile in every photo of her with TJ.
I looked up a term “ smiling depression” that I believe may fit her. It can be a high functioning form of a mood disorder and ppl presenting this way are at higher risk of suicide, and abusing the depressant alcohol in conjunction with that is a dangerous slide off the cliff.
TJ and Amy appear to be classic narcissists, so image management and superficial appearances are tantamount to their view of selves.
The alcohol abuse( I’ve read she’d copped to 30 drinks a week, not 20, and from taking histories of patients admitted to hospitals as an RN in my past life, you can basically double what the patients admitted to drinking.) Amy and TJ are DRRRIIIIINNNNKKKINNNGGGGGGG!!!😳
So appearances of a happy grand life, ‘living their dream’, and imbibing on that level seem absolutely like a sign of chaos and dysfunction under the hood.
We all know this from social media postings, the happier the lives look, the more troubled they seem to be.
The good rating when the podcast first aired was a bunch of rubber neckers wanting to gawk at how bad the accident was. It was bad!
Living with themselves is enough hell for both of them. TJ needs to start numbing himself at breakfast and all the live long day.
He’ll be the first to bail and onto the next conquest is my guess, if he can get sober enough to get his dick functional.
Amy is in a deep delusional state about their love relationship, the alcohol abuse shows the infatuation already petering off and reality dawning.
I find it does take these cheaters a little time living in their new bliss to come to grips with how badly and irreparably they blew up their lives. It will surface though.
The best thing for all the world would be to make them completely irrelevant and turn off the spotlights they so crave. Let them fade off into oblivion, like all the other cheaters will do.
But that won’t happen, they will always need to be seen, even their tragic f’ed up lives are food for their corrupt souls. Tragic way to go through life! It’s pretty sad.
Doesn’t bring me joy to watch lives crash and burn though, my exe’s or anyone elses. I think walking away from it, instead of grabbing popcorn and enjoying their plunge into hell is the most humane and merciful to achieve when possible. I know how hard that is too!! The injustice of it all is mind blowing.
They are both really sick f**ks is the reality. I, personally, would feel bad about myself if their demise brings me such great delight. Something feels wrong about that, I don’t want to be that person.
I know the anger at first makes us dream of their horrific crashes and burns and wage to take some delight in imagining that.
But I feel after time, maybe moving closer the a possible meh, we don’t necessarily need to have someone else destroyed to be okay in our own lives.
Amy and TJ nuked their lives, they aren’t going off through the tulips to a “better than ever!” life, no matter how large they can get those manic smiles plastered on their faces.
They may marry for the image management necessity ( will be number three for both of them) and to help underline their tru wuv stance that was just written in the stars for them that they desperately need everyone to believe.
They needed to start a podcast to try and sell that to the world.
Why? Because narcissists can’t self validate their worth, they can only get it from outside sourcing.
It is not going to end well for them,we all know that. They very selfishly hurt a great deal of ppl by their actions.
Their out of control alcohol abuse is just rampant self harm being doled out by an internal meter that fully knows they screwed the pooch. The dumpster fire is already raging, started with their own matches. Doesn’t feel so good to me to
watch it burn, no matter how deserved it might be.
I remember years ago reading of a woman who did a blog about her husband whom she called Richard cheating with his underling Cow. She did a lot of crazy stuff to save that marriage, but I remember specifically her posting a picture of the both of them at a Halloween party. He was standing there stiff as a board, and she had this big crazy smile on her face, and her eyes looked wide and wild. If it had been a video, I imagined tht her eyes were darting back and forth. She was hanging on to him like she was afraid to let go.
My point is, I looked at that and felt so sorry for her, she didn’t appear to be happy or secure. I still think of her and wonder if she has found peace, wither with or without him.
This is so funny! You e got it Mrs C- spot on. Everything you wrote is how I feel looking at the pictures. I didn’t know they were pretty much alcoholics or that they had a podcast(?)
Help. No it definitely will not end well.
Am-i and her so-cute gape-mouth smile. Gah.
Omg, with just a moment of photoshop, this pic would be even funnier! As if the “EXIT” sign looming over TP’s pensive gaze toward the tracks isn’t rich enough…moving the white arrow to the other side of the sign and pointing it toward the tracks would be hilarious!
I can’t remember right off hand if both of these people have kids. However, it sure seems like this level of drinking might be justification for the ex spouses to sue for full custody, with supervised visitation only.
And they discussed it publicly in their podcast!!!