The Annual Christmas Freak Countdown

xmas6It’s time again for our Cheater Freak Christmas Countdown! To the newbies, every year we try to best each other with our cheater freak stories. The winners get their submissions cartooned and the top 12 freaks appear in a “On the First Day of Christmas” cheater freak countdown post!

The stories told are legend here — GladItsOver’s dancing Sasquatch, the cheater who jumped around in a sleeping bag, the squirrel assassin, PF’s pillow muncher… You can read previous year’s winners here, here, and here.

Xmas10This is how the game is played — I want to know the telling details of what makes your story freaky. The object here is to be as SUCCINCT as possible. No essays! You can comment on other people’s Freak of the Week submissions, but each submission needs to be a three brief sentences, tops.

For example, my submission would go like this.

1) He had the same mistress for over 20 years and three marriages.

2) OW and ex apparently had a kid together and she passed the paternity off on her brother-in-law.

3) After boinking his OW in Vermont, he drove home and presented me with a one-pound bag of coffee.

The winner of the contest gets me immortalizing the crazy in cartoon form. I promise to draw over New Year’s and announce the winners in the new year. So Chump Nation, BRING IT!

Xmas1

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VulcanChump
VulcanChump
7 years ago

1) Said he loved me inside of three weeks

2) Tried to Sharpie out the cursing in one of my books

3) Never on time for anything in his life

OneofFour
OneofFour
7 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

This is my first post. First of all, thank you CL and CN, you’ve been saviors. I’m 2 1/2 months from Dday.
1) At 57 (should be wise), I discovered after 2 1/2 years in a committed monogamous, practically live-in relationship with a Navy physician, where we were discussing marriage, that he had THREE other “monogamous” girlfriends and we didn’t know about each other(I hadn’t realized that monogamy was measured in hours)
2) My discovery was pictures and videos of him vacationing and/or having sex/oral sex with other women, some of which were included in their iPhone profiles, which I’ve since discovered they didn’t authorize or have knowledge of (I think he had a webcam in his bedroom and he’s since threatened me with exposing my photos of which I had no knowledge)
3) After realizing that OW#2 (lived in Italy) looked just as in love as me, I sent her a jarring photo of OW#3, and over the next few weeks contacted OW#3, OW#4, AP#1, and newest AP#2 so that they could make a reality-based decision about whether to continue.

I trust he sucks and have been NC since day #1. The last time I talked with him is when he called me from OW#4’s cellphone ten minutes after I called her and told her that I had high risk HPV (his gift to me) and she said to me “I got that from him and told him a few months ago”. And then gave him her phone – WTF???

PS. I helped him get a job at a regional medical clinic post 34 year Navy career (he gave me his retirement flag that I’ve since returned). I also contacted the CEO of the clinic to explain the circumstances and apologize for ever introducing them to him.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  OneofFour

OneofFour–I’m sorry you have to be here. Don’t blame yourself for not detecting the deception; these cheaters are masters of the double (triple? quadruple) life, and very adept at saying the right things to avoid detection. They then give just enough crumbs to keep us invested, while having plausible stories for why they aren’t around more.

Sounds to me as if you were very mighty in tossing him out on his ear, informing the OWomen, and taking steps to strip him of his mask of legitimacy. But it still hurts.

Sarah
Sarah
7 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

“2) Tried to Sharpie out the cursing in one of my books”

He . . . he what?!?! Oh man. That is freaky-deaky. Who does that?!?!?!?!

my.walls.will.sing
my.walls.will.sing
7 years ago
Reply to  Sarah

I really hope it was Tracy’s book!! That would make a great cartoon.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Sarah

Cheater redacting … Sort of like what we need to do to get THEM out of our stories …

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago

XH was a brilliant, high powered attorney and heavily involved in church and volunteer work

Who after retirement suffered from apparent frontal temporal dementia to the point of requiring sitters

But actually was dissociated from emersion in shocking porn/prositutes/alcohol/drugs.

Great cover!!!!

Four sentences, sorry.

Geode
Geode
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

Sounds like my husband’s attorney, who’s also a “recovering sex addict” like his client.

I guess that’s my entry: two white haired lying perverts across the table from me and my attorney.

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Geode

My STBX and his attorney have the same therapist.
The therapist actually recommended the attorney to STBX.
I find that ethically questionable.
And icky.

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
7 years ago
Reply to  Geode

Thanks, Geode!
Love that visual!!! Cartoon worthy!

Forge on, all….ForgeOn!

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

BTW, the sitters husband was providing his cocaine. Wondered at the time why he so passively accepted the sitter. Playmate!!

ChumpedOff
ChumpedOff
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

LOL! “Slops” is only one of the verbs that come to mind in these situations…

So many wonderfully descriptive words, too few succinct sentences in which to use them all! ?

Chompingchump
Chompingchump
7 years ago

He never deletes a photo, even of his finger or the inside of his picket. (Nor throws away receipts nor retires old socks.) So when he gave me his photo collection per our separation agreement… Let’s just say it was all the evidence I needed.

UnknownComic
UnknownComic
7 years ago
Reply to  Chompingchump

ROTFL at this one!

Chompingchump
Chompingchump
7 years ago

His family figures he was justified in leaving me for OW because I needed a wheelchair due to injuries sustained having his children, whereas OW is healthier. So now he has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and I’m all better. Karma is sweet.

DancesWithMeh
DancesWithMeh
7 years ago
Reply to  Chompingchump

I am so happy for you! Congratulations! Karma is a bitch!

Chompingchump
Chompingchump
7 years ago
Reply to  Chompingchump

I’m left feeling happy that somebody is ill, which is a contorted moral place to be, and hoping I will eventually be able to rise above this all and feel pity.

ChumpedOff
ChumpedOff
7 years ago
Reply to  Chompingchump

Schadenfreude at its finest. Enjoy your Ex’s misfortune. ? LOL!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Chompingchump

He is an evil jackass; glad you’re rid of him.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
7 years ago
Reply to  Chompingchump

Sounds like the story Ethan Frome.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
7 years ago
Reply to  Chompingchump

wow, messed up people!!

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago

1) AP died, she asked me to print out his photo as her printer was broken
2) AP died, announced she was going on-line dating after 4 days of him passing away
3) Announced she was the most attractive mistress at his funeral. (His first AP and his widow were both at the funeral)
4) Put together an emergency box of stuff for my new apartment…towels, candles etc!

I could probably write a dozen more, but the craziness just blends in to one big bat shit crazy mess!

Pucksmuse
Pucksmuse
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Just a big ball of class, isn’t she?

peaceatlast
peaceatlast
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Oh Mickey, this reminded me of one of my favorite Flight of the Chonchords songs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YIxpNPhAQE

I’m sure if she was not the most beautiful narc in the room, she was definitely in the top three!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  peaceatlast

Lol! Love the line, “You’re so beautiful, you could be a part-time model…”

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Or a waitress! ?

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago

Or a prostitute

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Ding ding ding. We have a winner doing me.

ChumpedOff
ChumpedOff
7 years ago
Reply to  peaceatlast

HA!

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

You are soooo lucky to be rid of that crazy! I can’t imagine what the future holds for her. It would be like anticipating the worst train wreck in history! Karma train doing a circular pattern in your life until you blow it off

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago
Reply to  lostntx

I sometimes think I dreamt that she said those things, but then I can remember exactly what she was wearing, where she stood when she said it. I think the way that she dealt with the grief allowed her guard to drop and somehow thought that confiding in me would make me feel sorry for her. I do actually pity her, what she’s lost, what she’s done and the empty hole she has for a soul.

Champ
Champ
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Mine was so worried for himself when he left me for the AP … he cried, “Maybe I’ll die alone”. There he is, surrounded by his family, her, still me at that point because I was a chump, and all our Switzerland friends, and he’s worried about being alone.

The problem with them being alone is then they have to be accountable to themselves and whatever crap is floating through their brain.

Sometimes I have a hard time getting through my day, and I wonder, how do the mentally ill do it? How do street people get through their day, or people with diagnosed illnesses? So I try to think of him like that, and when compassion starts to cloud my thinking and I start to miss him, I remember that he’s entitled, with money, with friends … he can buy his support system. He’s not suffering, and he won’t die alone. The people he’s left might … but what does he care about that.

ChumpedOff
ChumpedOff
7 years ago
Reply to  Champ

My Ex runs his life using the Wingwalker’s Rule: Never let go of one thing until you have a firm grasp on something else!

While this rule works for him, along with gaslighting & blameshifting he throws at me, the resulting havoc destroyed my life.

I’m awaiting the day I will be free of him, and all his issues, and can move on with my life. ?

Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life!

MissDeltaGirl
MissDeltaGirl
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Bwahahahah! Just choked on my hot tea at “Announced she was the most attractive mistress at the funeral.”
Good riddance!

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago
Reply to  MissDeltaGirl

MissDeltaGirl…her exact words were..

“His first mistress was a little dumpier than I had expected and his wife (widow) looks like a lesbian. Obviously I was the most attractive one there”

I sometimes wonder if I mis-understood her and she meant she was the most attractive person out of ALL the people at the funeral.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

I think she was trying to say she was more attractive than the corpse…but I could be wrong.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

Setting the bar kind of low, isn’t it?

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

She’s have to dig her way to fucking China.

Verity297
Verity297
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Sorry, I’m still trying to get past the 4 days! WTF!

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago
Reply to  Verity297

Verity297 as with MissDeltaGirl I’ll explain more..I left crazylady in March, she continued her relationship with AP until he died n July. So she had lost me and him within the space of 4/5 months. On day 4 after he died I called in to check she was OK, and coping ok with her grief and as she sat on the sofaHer exact words were…

Crazylady: “Your going to think I’m crazy, but I’ve signed up for datesite.com”
Me: Bit soon isn’t it?
Crazylady: “I just can’t be alone”

I seem to remember me having to psychically close my mouth with my hand as i left the building!

ChumpedOff
ChumpedOff
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Ouch! Oh mickeyblueeyes, I’m so sorry you had to hear the stark naked truth straight from the CrazyLady’s mouth…but better to know the WHY of her actions than to be left wondering.

I’m just horrified at the oblivion these narsisistic-sociopathic A**holes show to the swath of mayhem & destruction they leave in their wake. The lives they destroy without thought, care or concern is just appalling. And there’s so MANY of them…OMG!

sigh…

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Mr. Sparkles and his OW broke up in August… he had been with her for 18 months and she had met our son and my stepchildren.

ONE DAY … ONE DAY… after telling my son he wouldn’t be seeing the OW and her kids anymore, he had a “new friend” come over to his house for drinks on the back deck while my son was told to “stay inside”.

These people are not normal. They cannot be alone because they need KIBBLES to live… it is so sad.

There are definitely times when I would like to have a companion, but I am more than comfortable with my own company. I do not fear being alone like these people do. I do not envy being that empty.

ChumpedOff
ChumpedOff
7 years ago

I’m with you, ICanSeeTheMehComing!!

I’d rather be alone and happy to not have to deal with their BS any day of the week, than to be lonely and miserable in their company!!

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

She is crazy to be telling you this!

Meg
Meg
7 years ago

“I just can’t be alone”

And there you have it. The underlying motive of my cheater and many others!

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Sorry, I got a bit over-excited with this one…Same as Dianne i did 4!

Over and Out
Over and Out
7 years ago

1) Shortly after we moved to his hometown, a purportedly “crazy, stalker girl from high school” regularly called our landline phone in the middle of the night (before, during and after I gave birth to our first child).

2) When I had our phone number changed and unlisted, our front lawn was mysteriously “decorated” with a spectacular collection of SEX TOYS for all of our neighbors and passing motorists to see…

3) Ironically during our divorce 23 years later, “crazy girl from high school” was the first women he started dating openly…

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Over and Out

I hope no animals were hurt.

Chompingchump
Chompingchump
7 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

No sex toys were injured in the making this story.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Chompingchump

Thank you, Baby Jesus! whew

Over and Out
Over and Out
7 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

LOL!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

LOL!

Over and Out
Over and Out
7 years ago
Reply to  Over and Out

This happened before cell phones

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Enough sex toys to be noticed on a yard would likely be a really expensive collection.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

That would be an interesting dissipation of marital assets filing!

Over and Out
Over and Out
7 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

LOL! I would love to know what conversation ensued between them after that… OW definitely was sending him a pointed message if she went to the trouble of throwing their toys in our yard!!

Over and Out
Over and Out
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Naive me didn’t know what those things scattered in the yard were until I saw something resembling a penis and tube of KY… There was a large shoebox-sized cardboard box nearby. Mystery person obviously threw it out of a car in a drive-by. Ex suggested that maybe the box fell out of a passing truck by accident…

My old neighbors still bring up the incident which happened 26 years ago!! (I can laugh about it now.) They didn’t tell me at the time, but none of them thought it was a random, “accidental” dropping of sex toys!! I figured “crazy high school stalker girl” was definitely a sicko, but I didn’t put 2 + 2 together that he was probably boinking her and she was mad that he and I had just started a family! I was so young and stupid….

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Ewww.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago

On numerous occasions, went to the altar at church to get anointed with oil as he was praying to God whether he should divorce me, his faithful spouse. I thought he was praying for our marriage. Ha! Jokes on me.

Suzanne
Suzanne
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Not sure what God he was praying to!
Maybe one in his own image.

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  Suzanne

I guess he was “preying” not praying. Jesus cheaters suck. Mine screwed his whore every Saturday lying to his family about being at work and then sat in the front at church every Sunday with said family. Rinse and repeat for 8 months.

zeebee
zeebee
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Wow, his pompous arrogance is astounding. What a hypocrite!

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
7 years ago

When mistress #3 got me on the phone she told me about mistress #2. When asked if it was true he said ” oh yeah, I forgot about that.”
Got left for AP #2 (^see above) on New Years Eve over a decade later ( they “reconnected”….okay) He said he wanted to give us a good holiday so he waited, and I asked what he thought NYE was and he said “that’s not a real holiday”.
2 hours after announcing he was seeking a divorce on non holiday New Years Eve he asked me at midnight if I wanted “a hug.”
You can’t make this shit up.

NotThisGirl
NotThisGirl
7 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

This freaks me out! My STBX was about to leave me in our driveway in the new car I bought him to go on a ski trip with his AP, right before he leaves he asks me if he could give me a HUG?!!! This became a pattern and the few times we saw each other after D day, it would always end with him asking, “well can I at least have a hug?”. I think it’s a form of control and as long as they can get us to hug them they feel like they can manipulate us. Talk about a cheaters playbook. They are all freaks.

WarmSocks
WarmSocks
7 years ago
Reply to  NotThisGirl

OMG THIS!
mine wants to ‘stop by’ every few days. Just so he can cry and tell me how hard this is for him. I pretty much just wait for him to talk and do gray rock until he is done, but then he always wants a hug. Thanks for pointing out it is all about control. I freaking hate it.

Pucksmuse
Pucksmuse
7 years ago
Reply to  NotThisGirl

I think it’s two-fold. One, they want to be able to tell themselves, “See? I’m not that bad. She’s not mad at me, she just hugged me.” And two, if you refuse the hug, they can say, “SEE? I’m trying to be open and loving here. I’m trying to ‘consciously uncouple’ and she’s just so MEAN and HATEFUL.”

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  Pucksmuse

Exactly, just another example of why I couldn’t live with her/him, irrational, lack of affection,
hateful.., or..
See we’re still friends, I haven’t done anything wrong, we agree to disagree. Feelings are mutual..
Not my fault we weren’t able to get along.

Rona
Rona
7 years ago
Reply to  Pucksmuse

This is freaking me out. the epically jeckyl and Hyde cheater ex has been around seeing the kids the last few days and he did the hug thing too,twice,and I was bewildered as he’d been telling me a few hours previously how much he hated me. Then tried to kiss me(WTF???)then by the next day claimed that he did it because “I looked sad and he wanted to make me feel better”(does he try and kiss EVERYONE? Actually he probably does)..then by the NEXT day claimed “I frightened him and need to get professional help because I’m unstable”. Jesus,I won’t even drink a glass of wine when he’s in town now to help keep me alert in the face of his totally erratic behaviour. :/

Marcy
Marcy
7 years ago
Reply to  NotThisGirl

Narcs NEED to feel that everyone NEEDS them. They can’t stand being told NO!

junglechump
junglechump
7 years ago
Reply to  NotThisGirl

Oh my god!!!!! My STBXH kept saying that over Skype in the months post DDay before I went NC! “I wish I was there so I could at least give you a hug”… it weirded me out but didnt know exactely why until reading your comment!!

Mandie101
Mandie101
7 years ago
Reply to  junglechump

Argh! Mine came home after secretly taking the children to his new apartment to tell them we were separating. The children came home looking shell shocked and I asked them what was wrong. They told me and somehow given his deceitful ways I was not surprised. He later asked me if I was upset and if I wanted to discuss it and have a hug. I declined all offers. I had long classed him as the ass he was. I just kept him thinking I was on his vibe. Later he said to me, ‘you were always two steps ahead of me.’ it’s all a game of one up manship and a pretty tedious boring game it is…just like they are.

whodoesthat
whodoesthat
7 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

Its all about control… My cheater left his family with $200 before Xmas …swore on his kids lives it was not for another woman then a year later when disclosure docs come out it is blindingly obvious from spending patterns he was seeing someone every weekend . happy Christmas !

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago
Reply to  NotThisGirl

YES – the HUG is absolutely a form of control and keeping himself in kibble supply… and providing some hopium to the Chump.

Mr. Sparkles did the same thing to me… “I’ll always be here for you if you ever need anything, even a hug.”

That was one of those moments where I KNEW he was a sociopath. I shuddered.

zeebee
zeebee
7 years ago
Reply to  NotThisGirl

It makes them feel less like the low lifes they are. It’s all about making them feel better not us. NO HUGS!

ChumptyDumpty
ChumptyDumpty
7 years ago
Reply to  zeebee

EXACTLY!!

One line after going NC w/narc that sticks with me is “I’m hurting & I need your help. I’m so disappointed in myself for hurting you..(blah blah blah). ”

I, I, I ! Please help ME stop hurting.

Our pain never matters until it becomes *their* loss.

Sorry, buddy. Not gonna happen.
In fact I’ve learned no words can deliver the punch that you’re-dead-to-me silence does. Leaves them plenty of time alone w/ their conscience – assuming they still have one.

Digbert
Digbert
7 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

What’s is it with these selfish fuckers?Paintwidow – whilst still sharing our home, albeit in seperate rooms/lives for 3 painful mths I was regularly ridiculed and mocked and he would say the most hurtful things like ” you are a useless lump in bed etc.” Then whilst I would be sobbing after one of his rants he would knock on the bedroom door late at night as if nothing happened and ask me if I wanted a hug?…….,of course I said no! But he would look surprised when I would tell him to go f@ck himself – strange that eh?

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
7 years ago
Reply to  Digbert

I got the hug thing too… This gives me a little insight because the timing and circumstances were just so weird.

jumper
jumper
7 years ago
Reply to  Digbert

What is it with the hug? I got the same thing, can I give you a hug? You will feel better. Hell no I won’t, you will feel better.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
7 years ago
Reply to  jumper

I got the hug request during the he refused to leave the house until the court order stage. I had gone grey rock like nobody’s business and he was upset I wouldn’t talk to him like normal. I walked into the living room one day and he asked for a hug and I thought to myself, well this should mess with his head, so I gave him a hug and kept walking, no words just got a drink from the fridge and went back to my room. He really was shocked when I filed, must have been that hug that gave him hope. Hahahahaha!

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
7 years ago
Reply to  Digbert

When my ex came back into our bedroom at 11:45pm on NYE where I was hyperventilating behind closed doors to spare our kids, and asked me if I wanted the hug I said “no, but I would like for you to die”.
I wanted it then and every day since…and 2 years later and moved in with AP #2 and her young kids he hoped we can be friends…..not today Satan.

UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago

1. As I waited in the lobby of a swanky downtown condo complex on our 15th anniversary waiting for her favorite Indian food to be delivered, she was arranging for AP to come to our home the next morning for sex.

2. She received a black eye during a BDSM session with one AP, texted a picture of it to a different AP, and told him that I’m the one that gave it to her.

3. On the floor of the closet in the master bedroom, she kept a “magic bag” of sex paraphernalia including the waist harness and vibrating purple dildo she uses to fuck Creepy Writer in the ass. (The Guardian Ad Litem asked me for pictures of the contents of this bag as she compiled her report for the court.)

ChefBella
ChefBella
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I am all for people getting their freak on, but this takes closet freak to a new level. Ugh.

Uniquelyme
Uniquelyme
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

When UXworld told us about number 3 in our meet-up, a few of us googled it and regretted it. We couldn’t unthink it.

Uniquelyme
Uniquelyme
7 years ago
Reply to  Uniquelyme

*nor unsee it …

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  Uniquelyme

Not. Googling. This. Ever.

Also not hiding in the closet! If not that thing, then surely the family of raccoons. What is up with your closets, people?

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UXWorld… boy did this ring a bell for me. As part of the pick me dance, I suggested we add a “toy” into the bedroom… we replied with a mortified look on his face that he could never do anything like that….

AND YET… wait for it… He trolls the internet looking for couples/women/groups to have sex with… AND… wait… there’s more… He reads more T4M (transexuals 4 men) personal ads on Craiglist than W4M ads.

They are lunatics.

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago

OMG I love that word. Yes. Lunatics.
I would say that I would hide in the closet now when it’s a full moon.. but after all the stuff about ‘magic bags’ I think not!! Ewww

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

Do.not.hide.in.the.closet!! I think we all know what’s in there, now.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

If you do hide in the closet, sit down very carefully … ease down ever so slowly and brush your hand back and forth to carefully clear a space!!!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Trying so hard not to laugh reading all this as my kid is in the room if I laugh he always wants in n the joke.

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Also stay away from anything purple….hahahaha

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago

OMG … an on/off switch … tears are running down my face!!!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

or with an on/off switch.

WhoamInow
WhoamInow
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

OMG I fell out of my chair laughing at this!

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

The color purple is forever ruined. Bleh.

heissobroken
heissobroken
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Holy fuck, what did I just read? You win!!!

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  heissobroken

Hahahahahaha!!!!

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Oh please, CL, do NOT draw an illustration of No. 3

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago

UX, What is with the purple dildo’s? Whorrie had a purple one also. It wasn’t a strap on like KK’s but it did have 2 heads….it was called the “anal intruder”.

She also left her “magic bag” on the closet floor of the master bedroom.

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago

No way, purple dildos are a thing, really? Aack!

Kay
Kay
7 years ago

Why purple? I just have to ask. Of course I’m sure someone out there is saying “why not?” I have no clever comebacks. Blah.

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Kay

Purple is an arousing color would be my best guess. 🙂

CeliA
CeliA
7 years ago

I think the colour contrasts really well with any skin tone.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

Shouldn’t have logged on to CL just before lunch…..

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago

Ewww I just threw up in my mouth…

???

Beth
Beth
7 years ago

Ha Ha My reaction too NWHI!! Reaching for the brain bleach…

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago

Lol! I had the opposite reaction — I wanted to see this drawing! 😉

Kbchump
Kbchump
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Hahah!! Cartoon worthy shit right here!

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Hahaha

sadlady15
sadlady15
7 years ago

1)slept in our house trailer in the barn in October after we separated because I wanted him to move into the guest room (he thought I should move out of our befroom)
2)when leaving to move in with AP and her daughter (young enough to be his granddaughter), said “I just wanna have fun!”(56 years old not 10yesrs old)
3)said “I rany business for 20 years so I shouldn’t have to work anymore”(after a year of making nothing and blowing half our life savings in said business)

Can’t make this shit up

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
7 years ago
Reply to  sadlady15

Oh Yeah, I can relate! When our house was going in to foreclosure, I asked X to start working again, and he replied “It’s someone else’s turn to work!”
(I was already working fulltime, plus doing all chores)

sadlady15
sadlady15
7 years ago

I forgot the christmas ones:

1)–spent Christmas at “our house” after moving in with AP,cooking graby like always trying to hold my hand trying to put his arm around my waist and when I got upset walked out sending a text “I know when I’m not welcome

2) giving our daughter a jar of olives for Christmas last year (she hates olives)

Oh d our daughters birthday was last week,not even a text from her dad (last year it was a two word text)

They supremely suck..

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  sadlady15

Had I been there, he would still be picking olives out of his pubic hair!!! That rat bastard!

sadlady15
sadlady15
7 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

Thanks nomoreskankboy. He has to carry that responsibility for shredding his relation ship with his daughter..

sadlady15
sadlady15
7 years ago

Oops gravy.
.

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago
Reply to  sadlady15

A jar of olives! WTF! Even if she did like olives…seriously WTF!

PalmTrees
PalmTrees
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

This made me remember the time my narc dad sent me groceries for my christmas gift, most of which were past their expiration dates lol

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago
Reply to  PalmTrees

Reminds me of my cheater dad too. I get a grocery card for me AND his grandsons every year for Xmas. Less and less each year!

And for my 21st his OWife bought me a pack of three white underwear…..3 sizes too big.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
7 years ago
Reply to  PalmTrees

OMG, that just reminded me my x-MIL brought a basket of expired ‘exotic’ foods to us at xmas one year. My xh made a very good living, we certainly didn’t need ‘hand outs’. Extremely bewildering, unwanted and insulting.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Hatc, good to see you around these parts! V

Mr. Chumplady
Mr. Chumplady
7 years ago

1. She told me she was going to visit a friend in Oregon and called me and the kids every evening to tell us how the day went in “Oregon” when in fact she’d flown to VEGAS to fuck a dude she’d met on the Internet.

2. She hung a self portait of another affair partner as “ART” in our home.

3. One affair partner was a guy she met playing World of Warcraft online, where they were both TROLLS.

NotYourPlanB
NotYourPlanB
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

Yeah, this one gets a big vote for me too. I’ve experienced similar to #1 (the happy Facetiming with our kids when he was in a different state than he said, and she was out of sight in the background), but #2, holy cow that’s some nerve!

heissobroken
heissobroken
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

Please tell me you had a bonfire with the Art, or at the very least, up its value, by drawing a big dick on his forehead ?

wideawake
wideawake
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

AP as “art” for the Win!

Blindside
Blindside
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

Have you ever seen the South Park episode where the boys take on some fat slob in his mom’s basement in World of Warcraft? That’s exactly what I’m imagining.

Mr. Chumplady
Mr. Chumplady
7 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

Actually, after my cheating ex-wife married her WoW Troll AP, they moved into his parents’ basement for a while. An example of life recapitulating art, I suppose. Or stupid a-holes acting out in cliches.

Marissachump
Marissachump
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

Ha! She moved into his mom’s basement? Hahaha!

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  Marissachump

Sweet baby Jesus.

whodoesthat
whodoesthat
7 years ago

Reminds me when my tool walked out his mother had written a list of items he should take including tablecloths and the waffle maker …he had to ask where it was when he came back 2 days later to load up a trailer. In his reality he thought the kids would actually want to help him ..?.. ( not) this is a 45 year old man who then had his parents buying his groceries so he wouldn’t go hungry at Xmas ..poor lamb . me and the kids on the other hand had to take shopping bags of food from well meaning neighbours .. .but its OK the OW who he denied existed got the royal treatment .

whodoesthat
whodoesthat
7 years ago
Reply to  whodoesthat

Fast forward to this Christmas and donkey brain is forcing me to sell the house so me and the kids are out looking for a rental at Xmas while he takes a well earned holiday . of course I get the blame for forcing him to use lawyers to get the job done …couldn’t wait for mediation like a normal person . since we are literally dividing finances amounting to pocket change you would think he was some Russian billionaire the way he’s carrying on claiming I am trying to extort money from him. Last time I checked you can’t be accused of extortion if its to pay for stuff for your own kid . but as others say you can’t argue with crazy !

PalmTrees
PalmTrees
7 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

My favorite episode ever!!

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

WOW TROLLS, MR, CL? LOL!

Mr. Chumplady
Mr. Chumplady
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

Troll PRIESTS, actually.

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

Stop!!!! I cannot take anymore. Hahaha.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

Picasso is turning in his grave.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

Im picturing a cartoon of her telling of the wilderness of Oregon with the lights of Vegas in the background

Beth
Beth
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

#3 – Finally, some truth in advertising!! LOL

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

Mr Chump. Art? Thats messed up.

My ex wife did the opposite….her last affair partner was a hockey legend here in Chicago.

I had his hockey team photo on the wall.

After her affair with him, I noticed she cut out her AP’s head out of a team photo of 25 and put it back on the wall.

So now you look at the team photo with only 24 heads, not 25.

I found the head shot of this asshole she cut out in her keepsake book. Twat.

Mr. Chumplady
Mr. Chumplady
7 years ago

Wow. So your ex-wife doesn’t understand how Google image search works?

And you intermingled your finances with her and survived? Impressive.

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

Mr. Chump, as I mentioned all over this thread, my exw is a jagalooon!

I guess she wanted the “professional” picture of this ex-goalie insted of a google image printed version.

Yes, we intermingled finances and I survived, boy do I have stories about that! She knows the price of everything but knows the value of nothing.

Thanks for the inspiration Mr. Chump with your portrait “art” story. Sorry you went through that but gosh the laughs we had here today was priceless!

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago

Going for the win, SCA! What will we call it, One Headless Hockey portrait?

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

Bliss, more like One Headless Homewrecker Hockey portrait. Lol

I still couldnt believe she cut out his head. It was so obvious. The picture looked so stupid.

I mean seriously, what if 1of my 3 kids walked by it and said, “dad why is that players head missing?”

What would I have said? Your Mother is a whore. Lol

NotThisGirl
NotThisGirl
7 years ago

“I found the head shot of this asshole she cut out in her keepsake book” hahah I want to see chump lady drawing your ex-wife scrapbooking the photo of her AP. Too funny!

Chump Mama
Chump Mama
7 years ago
Reply to  NotThisGirl

I’m voting for this to make the list! Scrapbooking has been taken to a whole new level!

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Chump Mama

Haha Mama, I think we should my harlequin’s Scrapbooking – “Crapbooking”

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago

Crapbooking!!! Hilarious!

Kay
Kay
7 years ago

Hahaha!!! And ewww.

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  NotThisGirl

It sure is funny NotThisGirl, she kept that keepsake book hidden in her car.

The even funnier part is that keepsake book also included all the dates that they would fuck.

Her AP must of had one of those small motivational desk calendars in which each day would have a different motivational quote. He would rip out the page the day they would meet and fuck. Douchy exw saved them all!! I then knew which exact days they would fuck. Idiots, the both of them.

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago

This is genuinely the story that keeps on giving….

You know it’s bad when they do or say something and your brain genuinely doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

Well Capricorn, I am crying from laughing so hard. My ex wife is without doubt the biggest Jagaloon that has ever walked on this earth.

I remember one time, I was driving with her sitting passenger. She was reading a magazine. I think it was a Cosmo mag which appeared to have Cindy Crawford on the front cover.

So I glance over to her and say, “Is that Cindy Crawford?” She glances out the window and said, “where?” – Jagaloooooooon!!

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago

SureChumpedaLot –

Jagaloon is right, so sorry you and your three little birds had to deal with her lunacy, but glad you can now laugh about some (hopefully most) of these memories…

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago

Well Tempest,

Fellini I like but it would be nice if my story ended with my exw jumping into a wood chipper like Fargo- thanks Coen Brothers.

Yes this is so bizarre and 100% accurate, but its so worth the laugh. My face hurts. 🙂

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

Seriously, SureChumpedaLot, your story from beginning to end is so bizarre it should be made into a dark comedy. Kudos to you for staying sane as you navigated a world only the Coen brothers (Fellini?) could have dreamt up….

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago

Sunshine, I would love to disclose this hockey homewreckers name but I woudnt want chumplady to get sued.

But I will say he was an NHL goalie and now is in management.

Cindy Crawford has nothing to do with it. I only mentioned the crawford story to share what a jagalooooon my exwife is. 🙂

Sunshine
Sunshine
7 years ago

Ok you win Sure! Jagaloon! Just hilarious. I’m from Chicago too (far South Side, with older sibs in high school late 70s). Your story has me googling to figure out the AP. Any similarities to… Cindy Crawford???

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago

OMG I have no idea what a Jagaloon is but that is so funny I have just been helpless with laughter. Maybe I’m overtired but oh these stories are just weirdly what I needed.
My face hurts.

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago

Lol

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago

LOL
That’s totally fucked up! Not that everyone’s stories aren’t but cut the photo out of a group photo? Why not just take a picture of him mid screw?

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  lostntx

Lostntx, turns out since he is a personality here in chicago that everyone knows, he was real careful about exw taking pics of him like that. He is still married with 3 kids.

Although I did find a pick of him in her phone while he was wearing all 3 of his championship rings.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

Where was he wearing the rings?

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I will never forget this picture.,,He had them all on his left hand (no wedding ring on – hes married w 3 kids) and he gave the camera the finger. It was a close up pic.

I showed that pic to his wife after I helped her up. She fell on her garage floor after I told her what her husband did. Felt bad for her. Shes still with him. I always imagined she would eventually show up here on CL but not as of yet

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago

I feel so bad for the wife. I hope she ends up here, too. You did the right thing.

Chump Mama
Chump Mama
7 years ago

Funniest one so far! You can’t make this stuff up!!

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Chump Mama

Right, Chump Mama?

I have lots of sports memorabilia in the basement.

At the time I was so devastated after discovering her affair with this Chicago NHL & AHL hockey legend – whom was also my friend – and I notice his head shot was cut out of the picture? I was like WTF!! This man sat front row center of the pic of 25 players and coaches! WTF again!!

Very hilarious now though. 🙂 🙂

Marcy
Marcy
7 years ago

A friend…..same here.
I told him they were both lower than whale shit on the deepest ocean floor!
I hate home wrecking whores!!!

Chump Mama
Chump Mama
7 years ago

Just shows how idiotic they all are!! I mean really – if she wanted a photo, couldn’t she just go online and get one? Or take one herself since she was seeing him? To cut his head out of a picture on your wall!! So crazy that it is funny! 🙂

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago

This has me in stitches still. Sorry! Must have hurt at the time but blimey that is just funny.

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

Oh I’m still laughing also! Just inept lunacy.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

#3 is classic!

Mr. Chumplady
Mr. Chumplady
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

She ended up marrying the Troll AP after I divorced her. At their reception, they displayed a large custom oil painting of their two WoW Troll avatars being married. Classy, right? I know because they “hired” my then-15 year-old son to be the wedding photographer. I didn’t find out until after the fact. The ability of these feckless fucklets to do what’s bad for this kids is inexhaustible.

If brains were dynamite, my ex-wife wouldn’t have enough to blow the fuzz off a peach

ChefBella
ChefBella
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

Holy Fuck, Mr. Chumplady!

They made a piece of art with their WoW avatars FOR THE WEDDING?

Come to think of it, there is a rather deranged couple who lives downstairs who have a similar story. Living my life alone is preferable to that crazy.

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

I have to be honest mr chumplady, this sounds like a wedding to see. And then vomit. So sorry about your poor son having to see it though. Paid photographer my tookus. Paid as close to free as you can get I get. Just yikes on their child rearing skills. ?

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

WTF!!! A freaking oil painting?! Of troll avatars? Did I read that right? I am so sorry this happened to you, but this is hysterical. Are you SURE you’re not making this up?

For the love of God! Who are these people?

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago

Correction (from post down below): oil painting of troll PRIEST avatars.

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

No way. Unbelievable. She told the family how it was going in Oregon when she was in Nevada?! Hung his picture in the family home and was an actual troll. Just wow.

Mr Chumplady
Mr Chumplady
7 years ago

Well, that was 2 different APs. Out of several. But, yeah.

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr Chumplady

Deranged.

AlohaFreedom
AlohaFreedom
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

Unrelated… But your “name” cracks me up. It could also been sleep deprivation.

UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

A portrait of the AP hung in the home as art!! We may have a winner!!

DancesWithMeh
DancesWithMeh
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Agreed. This is the winner!

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Best yet…

Digbert
Digbert
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Yes – who does that ?

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
7 years ago
Reply to  Digbert

I had a boss who did that kind of thing. He is no longer in the military.

Other Kat
Other Kat
7 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

X worked with a financial planner who was as big of a narcissist as himself. This man left his wife for a younger model named Tiffany, and that year for Christmas he sent out cards with not one, but two, 5×7 glossy portraits of them wearing fancy evening clothes (Tiffany’s strapless gown highlighted her cleavage, because of course it did). I can only guess that the man assumed his clients needed one photo for the office and one for home.

When we divvied up our retirement accounts it was no surprise to discover that X’s accounts managed by this man, with a risk-tolerance level classified as “aggressive,” did far more poorly than my accounts, which were managed by a different firm and classified as “moderately conservative.”

AlohaFreedom
AlohaFreedom
7 years ago

He left me, 9 months pregnant, on Christmas night to “go help a friend” aka see a mistress.

He bought another mistress, who was his coworker and was MARRIED, a $4,000 engagement ring.

He supposedly got another mistress pregnant. She claimed to have her “tubes tied” then claims to have miscarried… Either way, the time frame means they were having unprotected sex the weekend the met.

……… Can we finalize the divorce yet?!

PalmettoChump
PalmettoChump
7 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

I’m sorry that happened to you. My now ex-husband left me 6 months pregnant with our 4th kid to “spend time with his elderly mother” on Christmas Day. It turns out he was really with his secret affair partner who had just learned via Facebook (he hadn’t bothered to tell her) that I was heavily pregnant, again – despite us “not having any sex for years” (4 kids aged 5 and under and no sex? Who would believe that?) Legend has it that she then demanded a baby of her own (given her age – not going to happen without MAJOR medical intervention – OW is a generation older than us) they worked on that baby making all Christmas afternoon, while the kids and I were in our home, completely oblivious, having no idea what was going on, setting up the lego sets Santa brought.

Chompingchump
Chompingchump
7 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

Here are the rings for us… and here are the rings for our APs. A matching set!

Jane Washington
Jane Washington
7 years ago

Wish I could comment but x is so very important.

Some very weird shit he doesn’t want anyone to know. Use your imagination or don’t – doesn’t matter.

Wants to pretend he’s dad of the universe

Good dads don’t fuck other women while they are married

Sunshine
Sunshine
7 years ago

Jane please take care to protect yourself by copying everything you can. Use your phones camera to take screen shots of emails, ads, texts, suspicious cars, whatever. I’m in the middle of my divorce and wish I hadn’t given him the benefit of the doubt on anything and photographed everything.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  Sunshine

I second that Sunshine!

Jane, I also was too nice (and too shocked) to accumulate as much evidence as I could have. I recovered quickly and got interesting tidbits I cherish to this day… But those initial pieces of evidence would have been great bargaining chips during the divorce process.

Sunshine
Sunshine
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumptitude

Good point Chump. The shock, fear and sadness will keep you from thinking strategically. Jane if you’re still reading and for anyone in the early phases of discovery, photograph your spouse’s drivers license, credit cards (front and back), the crap they pull out of their pockets at night, any papers related to employment or accounts, receipts for odd purchases, pretty much everything. Photos can be taken quickly on the spot instead of trying to figure how you’ll get to a copier. And unlike forwarding, they don’t leave any trail on the cheaters device. Also, regularly update your calendar with places you’ve been or people you met with even if it’s a bff for coffee. These will all help when you come out of the fog of devastation and get into the thick of divorce. Your brain will have a much easier time reconstructing events or piecing together those odd intuitions to help your case

Sunshine
Sunshine
7 years ago
Reply to  Sunshine

Be sure your photos don’t automatically backup to any cloud account shared with the cheater.

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Sunshine

I send pics and email evidence to my sisters and a friend as a backup plan. In case anything happens to my phone.

mavis
mavis
7 years ago

1) after separation, while still residing (downstairs) in the house, fucktard ran upstairs as I was taking kids to a movie and said “hey, sounds like fun, can I come too?”

2) fucktard left laptop open to Facebook while messaging AP while “chatting” to 4 other women at the same time trying to arrange sex dates with all of them

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward
7 years ago

// , I would say the fact that he’s important is all the more reason to out him, assuming that it would not hurt you to do so.

The world has too many assholes in high places as it is, and airing the dirty laundry can help to have them removed.

42enough
42enough
7 years ago

There were several videos posted on Facebook thru a roller skating club that showed my STBX twirling the OW on roller skates. I also found out they drove from MD to Ohio just to ride the worlds largest roller coaster. Apparently I’m not athletic enough nor enough of a daredevil to get beyond making this fool happy after a mere 39 years…..

lady jane
lady jane
7 years ago

1. One month before he left for good, MOW banged on our door in the middle of the night and told him to choose. Said he chose me.

2. Shortly before he left he told me I could become a nun. (I guess he was saying if he didn’t want me, no one would. Or only he could screw around. Not sure.)

3. Packed the car taking only his clothes and then wanted a hug. No way!

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago
Reply to  lady jane

I got the hug question a couple of times. It is so satisfying now to know I bluntly said NO. It was somewhat satisfying then too

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  lostntx

Mine wanted a goodbye fuck. You’ve got to be kidding.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I would have given it to him in the manner of oral sex…..FUCK YOU!” “Now go and have your post-coital ciggie!

jumper
jumper
7 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

Perfect NMSB, Tempest, unfuckingbelievable, but really, nothing is anymore.

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Classy Tempest.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  lostntx

Mine didn’t want a hug before he left the final time. He wanted to know if it would be okay if he washed his car one more time using the hose. I said no.

I am the Chump.
I am the Chump.
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

I just laughed out loud. What the hell?

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Can’t be making the drive of shame in a dirty car, ya know. Whereas all your possessions loaded into a CLEAN car as you pull out of the family driveway for the last time says “class” …

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

This makes me laugh too. So random!! I mean what the heck??

Chompingchump
Chompingchump
7 years ago
Reply to  lostntx

“Can’t I have just one more hug?” I love it!

Desdemona
Desdemona
7 years ago
Reply to  Chompingchump

I did give him a hug, to pretend friendly-parting. He broke the news to me while we were at his parents place in India. So the next day,I was in tears, boarding the train to my parents house,when he wanted a hug and I did. What he didn’t know was -that I had taken the house keys from his luggage and cancelled his flight back to Oz. Asshole was too busy enjoying the rest of the vacation with AP (who had also flown down to India ),that he didn’t even check-in,so caught him by surprise when he arrived at the airport and realised his flights was cancelled.

By the time he rebooked and flew in ,I washed out his bank account- left a little behind, changed the house keys,cancelled his mobile account and bundled his clothes outside the door.

My sisters who were raging mad were the brains behind the events. Looking back, I am not terribly proud,but cant help smiling:)

HateHWWs
HateHWWs
7 years ago
Reply to  Desdemona

That’s freaking brilliant!

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
7 years ago
Reply to  Desdemona

WOW!! I am in AWE of you, Des!
And your “Crazy” sisters! Love how their ‘devious’ little minds work!

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  ForgeOn!

Crazy sisters are the best! I have 3!!

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Desdemona

I am so proud!!

Freeholder
Freeholder
7 years ago

1) Complains that she was only pregnant 8 times in 15 years of marriage and only carried 4 of them to term. (When she wasn’t complaining that I was keeping her pregnant as an economic control)
2) On the day of the divorce marries a man 19 years older than her.
3) In the 27 months after the divorce has managed to have 3 children.

Freeholder

Geode
Geode
7 years ago
Reply to  Freeholder

3 kids in 27 months? Any multiples?

Freeholder
Freeholder
7 years ago
Reply to  Geode

The second pregnancy turns out to be twins. 17 months after the first one. The first one was born 10 months after the divorce.

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago
Reply to  Freeholder

Karma in the form of taking care of the kids alone when he’s too tired to help because of age or dead!

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Freeholder

I feel so sorry for her kids!