There must be a bazillion “How To Tell If He/She’s Cheating” articles on the interwebs. You know, the usual — new cologne, sudden penchant for 9-hour Pilates classes, weird showering habits, furtive texting, requires cavity search to reveal cell phone… But here’s the real clue you’re dealing with a cheater, and it’s not lipstick on […]
But He’s Such a Nice Guy!
Dear Chump Lady, My husband of 25 years is a really good father/uncle/church member, who is friendly to everyone and is generally a very nice guy. He is also a well-meaning though largely clueless husband who doesn’t really understand what emotional partnership means, though he has an inflated sense of romance, loves chick flicks and […]
UBT: Affair Proofing Your Marriage
“Affair Proof Your Marriage” articles are so ubiquitous, I hesitate to feed them to the Universal Bullshit Translator. It just rolled its circuits at me. Really? This crap again? Don’t you have some juicy psychobabble from a certified Yoga Imago Sex Therapist I can parse? Are you really going to make me read “keep the home […]
Debunking ‘Affair Fog’
Dear Chump Lady, My husband had drunk sex with a woman who works for him when our little boy was 9 months old and we had been married for just a couple of years. He was remorseful (well he cried a bit and said sorry and, hey, at least he told me — yeah right, […]
When the Other Woman Was a Frienemy
Dear Chump Lady, I struggle so much with my situation. My husband of 15 years had an affair with someone I considered a close friend. For over a year. Their lies and manipulation are astounding. We went on trips together with our families (she’s a stay at home mom and was married with kids too), […]
The ‘If You Aren’t Nicer’ Threat
People still submit one-liners of Stupid Shit Cheaters Say to me. Got this one yesterday: “If you aren’t nicer to me, I’m going to cheat on you.” Let’s decode it, shall we? It’s only sentence, but therein lies so much crap. “If you aren’t nicer to me…” Implies what he does or does not do […]
‘I Fail to Understand Your Hostility’
There is no mindfuck like the I Fail to Understand Your Hostility mindfuck. As mindfucks go, it’s Jedi-level mindfuckery. Oh sure your lesser manipulator can sputter some pathetic lies, or shrug and play dumb. The IFTUYH mindfucker, however, is one cool customer. Zero adaptive anxiety. Your inchoate rage just bounces off their wall of smug. This crazy […]
Esther Perel’s Myth of the Good Cheater
So, Esther Perel follows me on Twitter. Which is big of her considering I told her to bite me. On the other hand, there might be something in it for her as she’s writing a book on infidelity, according to the New York Times, and is only taking on new clients “who have experienced infidelity.” Perhaps she’s studying […]
‘My Sister Blames Me for My Husband’s Affair’
Dear Chump Lady, I just had a conversation with my sister about my cheating husband. I can’t seem to get it through her head that his cheating wasn’t because there were marital problems. Nothing pisses me off more than having to listen to people say, “Well, he cheated because he wasn’t getting what he needed […]
Sad Sausage Tales?
The sad sausage self-pity channel probably provokes more Stupid Shit Cheaters Say than the other two channels, rage and “charm.” It’s kind of absurd for chumps to expect comfort from the cheaters who gutted us, but it is exponentially more ridiculous that cheaters want sympathy from chumps. Really, dude, you want me to understand that you’re […]
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