ChumpLady.com

Leave a cheater, gain a life

‘I Thought You Were Okay With It’

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This nugget of Stupid Shit Cheaters Say was recently submitted to me: “Let’s be honest. You’ve had another man in your life for the past 5 years”. This is referring to our 5-year-old son! “I thought you were ok with it. Whenever I went out, the next day you just asked if I had fun.“ […]

So Why the Hell Isn’t She Happy Now?

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Hi Chump Lady, So my wife had an affair and after being found out asked for a trial separation. She said she had been “struggling with her feelings for me”, that whilst I was a great dad and someone she admired, she had changed and we had “drifted apart”. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I told her […]

He Says I’m “UnChristian” for Divorcing Him

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Dear Chump Lady – I’m 6.5 months since D-day and filed for divorce 2.5 months ago. My daughters are 17 and 20. The 20 year-old and I discovered the affair after returning from a family vacation (which he skipped again) and the house was magically clean and all visible signs of me hidden. His response […]

UBT: ‘Don’t give up on me!’

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Dear Chump Lady, Long-time reader, first-time UBT submitter. I’m a gay man and was with my ex-boyfriend for about 7 years. I need some UBT help on a handwritten letter I got from him after official no-contact for a month and some change. I still love him and am weak in the knees after getting […]

‘My therapist wants to know how I caused my husband to cheat’

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Dear Chump Lady, I just finished reading your book. Your words about using caution when finding the right therapist were life changing for me. I found out after 24 years of marriage that my husband had been having an affair for over a year. In the many counseling sessions I have attended since D-Day, I […]

‘I Can’t Trust That She Sucks’

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Dear Chump Lady, My wife left me for another man 8 months ago. You could argue that she didn’t TECHNICALLY cheat on me (at least before our separation). However, she had been laying the groundwork with him before she asked me for the separation. As soon as she asked me…BOOM…she was out the door three […]

Redefining Intimacy

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Jammy had a stellar comment on yesterday’s UBT post, which I think merits its own discussion today. To wit: For the love of all things holy, can we please as a society redefine what intimacy actually is? Intimacy is buying that first house and then worrying each month how you will make the mortgage. Intimacy […]

UBT: ‘It’s Not Who I Am’

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Dear Chump Lady, Can you please put this through the Universal Bullshit Translator? I do know what the affair did to you, and I’m sincerely and deeply sorry. If I could go back, I would have done a lot of things very differently. You were extremely negative and controlling (You still are), and you were […]

The Pollyanna Blameshift

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When fuckwits are caught doing something they shouldn’t, there are only a few moves on the chessboard. Admit it. Deny it. Or blameshift it. Although there is a certain elegance in just denying wrongdoing — It never happened! (aka gaslighting) — the more pernicious mindfuckery is blameshifting — Okay, it happened, but the real crime is […]