Celebrity drunk and dropper of ice coffee, Ben Affleck, had some words to say yesterday on the Howard Stern show about his former marriage to Jennifer Garner. Affleck, you’ll recall, schtupped the nanny a few years ago (among other sins), and after the divorce, lived in the family guest cottage. For The Children. (I had […]
UBT: Will the Sex Get Boring?
Oh the horror should Schmoopie luv grow cold. An alert chump sent this advice column from The Times (UK) by Suzi Godson to the Universal Bullshit Translator for a proper snarking. Q I have been having an affair with a man for the past two years, meeting up once a week. We have now decided […]
Best Sad Sausage Performances
A pernicious and predictable bit of mindfuckery after D-Day is the Sad Sausage. Did you find evidence on a cell phone? This is absolutely heartbreaking! For them. How COULD you! Need some questions answered? This is not a good time right now. They’re in a shame spiral and need some space (from you, consequences, probing […]
Her Husband Wishes She Were More Porn-like
Dear Chump Lady, My husband of 20 years has been replaced by a terrible person. He has gaslighted me in the strictest sense — insisting in marriage therapy that I am bipolar (no shame, but inaccurate), and in general just been very mean and nasty to me when he’s upset. EVERYONE, including my individual therapist, […]
‘Bagged Salad’ and Other Excuses
You drove ’em to it. That’s the blameshifting of the RIC and cheaters themselves. Your superpowers of suckitude could launch a thousand ships or create Adult Friend Finder accounts. You! You did that! So, Today’s Friday Challenge, by popular demand, is to share all the “bagged salad” reasons given. FourLeaf shared the genesis story of […]
The ‘Dual Accountability’ Therapy Fallacy
Hi Chump Lady, I thought you would line to see the “official point of view” of the majority of therapists that treat infidelity: “Infidelity occurs in a dyadic system, and any approaches that place all blame, responsibility and accountability on a single member seems contraindicated.” I replied to this: Yes, Fred,that’s that problem, the dyadic […]
UBT: ‘I Wish You Were Still Nice’
The Universal Bullshit Translator gets a lot of “It’s not what I did, it’s how you reacted” pitchforked into it. Blameshifting lays around in piles. Why can’t you chumps be NICER? Someone needs kibbles! In today’s UBT submission, Lori writes: He was on his way out last year and did a complete 180, I figure the […]
Is This an Emotional Affair?
Dear Chump Lady, I had been with my husband for 17 years and married 11 of those years. I found him emotionally cheating three times before and I chose to continue the relationship not realising I was being gaslighted and manipulated. I went down the If-I-Just-Fix-This-About-Me path and boy was he good at finding ways […]
Her Menopause Made Him Cheat?
I’ve read some blameshifting quackery in my day, but Guardian advice columnist Mariella Frostup takes the blood-soaked tampon. A woman writes in to say her partner cheated, and she wants to contact the Other Woman. And Frostup tells her the real problem is her menopause. The poor chump’s letter: The dilemma It’s the usual. He was […]
Debunking Marriage Builders, Inc.
One piece of advice the Reconciliation Industrial Complex likes to give after D-Day is telling chumps it is their responsibility to make the marriage “a good place to be” after an affair. That way your cake-eating spouse will see what they’re missing. Often this advice is combined with the contradictory advice to be all 180 […]
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