ChumpLady.com

Leave a cheater, gain a life

The Fog Comes Softly on Little Cheater Feet

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I was going to write a column today, but I realized this morning I was out of milk. And that meant no oat squares for breakfast. Plus, I had squandered all of the blueberries on my husband yesterday (and milk) making him a milkshake. So I wasn’t in my right mind when I did the […]

‘Is it my fault my ex ran off with our nanny?’

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Dear Chump Lady, My ex-husband cheated and ran off with the nanny. According to my ‘friends’ and family, it’s all my fault and they knew all along that this was coming. I feel like I’m being abused and cheated on all over again when they say these things. Can you please please put these sentences […]

The ‘Bitch Be Crazy’ Red Flag

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Here’s a situation I’ve encountered many times among dating friends. Friend will swoon with excitement over new man in her life. Man is divorced. Being the horrible Chump Lady killjoy that I am, I’ll ask why. (Sorry, Mr. Prospect. You don’t date someone I love without being vetted.) And invariably I’ll get the nebulous tale […]

Playing the Victim?

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Dear Chump Lady, During my shock of learning and trying to understand why he cheated on me, when I thought we had a great relationship (he was full of remorse after girlfriend #1 and begged for forgiveness..) — he is now leaving me for girlfriend #2. I have stated the obvious to him that what […]

UBT: “Neither of us are perfect”

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Dear Chump Lady, One for the UBT, please.   This was brought on by a note I discovered this morning in which he asked a third party to tell the OW that “I miss her, and think of her constantly, but I am charged to do my best to make my marriage work.”   I left his […]

Dear Chump Lady, Why do people assume cheating is the chump’s fault?

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Dear Chump Lady, I’ve recently been pondering something that irks me, and would really appreciate your opinion. In various conversations with some friends over the last couple of years, if a case of infidelity is ever discussed, usually the first thing people comment on, is their opinion of the chump. For example: A dear friend […]

Let’s blame the children?

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An alert chump sent this article in Today’s Parent: “What happens after the affair—when you have kids?” Apparently, children are hindering Otherwise Good People from their journeys of epic self-discovery. What with their teething and their sticky fingers and inconvenient vulnerability, mommy and daddy can’t get any sleep, no I mean strange. What are you […]

UBT: ‘Our Marriage Was Already Over’

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Here’s some one-size-fits-all cheater bullshit for you — “Our marriage was already over.” Cheaters say it to affair partners, “We’re all but divorced!” “We’re separated!” “Just roommates!” And cheaters say it to their spouses when they’re discovered cheating. Our marriage was already over. Well, yes, yes it was when you fucked that other person. But […]

Dear Chump Lady, Is pain a choice?

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Dear Chump Lady As I try to heal in the most graceful way (suppressing my revenge fantasies) this is what I am struggling with… Like many of you, I buy self-help books, read blogs, watch videos. One of the major shifts for me has been on a spiritual level (not religious – more like healing […]