ChumpLady.com

Leave a cheater, gain a life

Dear Chump Lady, Why do people assume cheating is the chump’s fault?

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Dear Chump Lady, I’ve recently been pondering something that irks me, and would really appreciate your opinion. In various conversations with some friends over the last couple of years, if a case of infidelity is ever discussed, usually the first thing people comment on, is their opinion of the chump. For example: A dear friend […]

Let’s blame the children?

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An alert chump sent this article in Today’s Parent: “What happens after the affair—when you have kids?” Apparently, children are hindering Otherwise Good People from their journeys of epic self-discovery. What with their teething and their sticky fingers and inconvenient vulnerability, mommy and daddy can’t get any sleep, no I mean strange. What are you […]

UBT: ‘Our Marriage Was Already Over’

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Here’s some one-size-fits-all cheater bullshit for you — “Our marriage was already over.” Cheaters say it to affair partners, “We’re all but divorced!” “We’re separated!” “Just roommates!” And cheaters say it to their spouses when they’re discovered cheating. Our marriage was already over. Well, yes, yes it was when you fucked that other person. But […]

Dear Chump Lady, Is pain a choice?

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Dear Chump Lady As I try to heal in the most graceful way (suppressing my revenge fantasies) this is what I am struggling with… Like many of you, I buy self-help books, read blogs, watch videos. One of the major shifts for me has been on a spiritual level (not religious – more like healing […]

Dear Chump Lady, Am I normal?

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Dear Chump Lady, So, D-Day was June 12. I saw a text message from a “Melissa” when she was asleep holding her phone. After reading the message I realized that Melissa was an ex-boyfriend from 15 years ago and her reason for becoming sober. He is married and has a son as well. The texts […]

Tell Me How You Suck

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I have a confession. I make pasta wrong. Also coffee. Also stewed tomatoes. Moreover, I cannot properly close a drawer and because of this I am crazy and should be medicated. These are just a few of the myriad ways in which I suck, according to fat, bald, thrice-divorced (although the body count could be […]

Dear Chump Lady, Why must cheaters add insult to injury?

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Dear Chump Lady, I am about 5 months out from D-Day. My husband and I were married for 6 years and together for a total of 14 (high school sweethearts we have been dating since we were 15). At the beginning of the year we had a fight regarding our sex life (or lack there […]

Apology Fails

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If you’ve been chumped, either a) you received no apology, or b) you got a really lame apology. The best lame apology you got was sincere and devoid of blameshifting, but it was lame because 99.9 times out of 100 it didn’t come with an iota of recompense. The worst lame apology you got was […]

Dear Chump Lady, Do cheaters blameshift?

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Dear Chump Lady, I was wondering if this is a common saying that chumps hear on D-day. Upon discovering my husband’ s texts to another person, he quickly said, “I’m done!” I answered with, “You’re done? I’m the one that’s done!” Here’s the kicker — he then says, “You’re doing exactly what she wants you […]