Dear Chump Lady, Can you please put this through the Universal Bullshit Translator? I do know what the affair did to you, and I’m sincerely and deeply sorry. If I could go back, I would have done a lot of things very differently. You were extremely negative and controlling (You still are), and you were […]
Dear Chump Lady, What’s my ‘role’ in the break-up?
Dear Chump Lady, I have started my divorce, working on the settlement, and I’m a few months after my D-Day with a spouse of 20+ years. The cheater is planning to marry the Other Woman. He told me a few months ago that we need to go our separate ways, etc. So I’m on the […]
The Pollyanna Blameshift
When fuckwits are caught doing something they shouldn’t, there are only a few moves on the chessboard. Admit it. Deny it. Or blameshift it. Although there is a certain elegance in just denying wrongdoing — It never happened! (aka gaslighting) — the more pernicious mindfuckery is blameshifting — Okay, it happened, but the real crime is […]
Stupid Shit I Thought About Infidelity Until It Happened to Me
In the past, we’ve catalogued Stupid Shit Other People Say about cheating. However, I feel it’s only fair to acknowledge that I was once capable of saying such stupid shit myself. Maybe you were too. One lasting gift of infidelity is that you’re never so smug again. What did I learn? Well, I thought I’d make a […]
Dear Chump Lady, I went grey rock, he went nuts
Dear Chump Lady, My chronically cheating EX husband is unfortunately stuck in my life until one of us keels over because I had a baby with him during our marriage. Now, I love our child to death, but had I known my ex was posing as a photographer and taking lingerie pictures of 18-19 year […]
When You’re Married and ‘Fall in Love’ with Someone Else
Dear Chump Lady, I am a recovering chump, happily divorced and living in the State of Meh. Your blog saved me, and I still read it regularly to remind myself how far I have come. My 17-year-old daughter (10 at the time of divorce) recently asked me about infidelity. She is aware of her father’s […]
How to Deflect Gaslighting
Today’s How-To-Keep-Your-Sanity tips come from CN’s own Amiisfree, who sent in scripts she uses to deflect mindfuckery. If you’re anything like the average chump, (decent, law-abiding, a bit of a mark), you respond to mindfuckery with bewilderment. Maybe you sputter. Make a weak reply. What you probably DON’T do, is call it out. Amiisfree would […]
Dear Chump Lady, I’m angry with myself for not leaving sooner
Dear Chump Lady. I recently read your book, and it’s helped me a lot to not contact my ex-boyfriend (which had previously been very difficult), and to fully acknowledge his bullshit answers on evidence that never made sense. I first (yes, first…) discovered his cheating about three years ago. It came with the baggage of […]
Cheating Wife Needs a ‘Safe Space’
Dear Chump Lady, I got married 3 years ago and recently my wife and I had a baby. My wife and baby are both gorgeous, by the way. But a few weeks ago at a therapy session my wife wanted me to go to with her (she’d been a little depressed lately) — I was […]
You Don’t Need Closure
Once upon a time, a fellow “Chump Chap” wrote to me after he realized that he’d gotten a non-apology apology from his cheating ex. He’d committed a common but grievous rookie mistake — he asked his cheater why. For “closure.” Chump Chap didn’t realize it was a fake apology until later. After he wrote me. […]
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