Dear Chump Lady, Long-time reader, first-time UBT submitter. I’m a gay man and was with my ex-boyfriend for about 7 years. I need some UBT help on a handwritten letter I got from him after official no-contact for a month and some change. I still love him and am weak in the knees after getting […]
‘My therapist wants to know how I caused my husband to cheat’
Dear Chump Lady, I just finished reading your book. Your words about using caution when finding the right therapist were life changing for me. I found out after 24 years of marriage that my husband had been having an affair for over a year. In the many counseling sessions I have attended since D-Day, I […]
‘I Can’t Trust That She Sucks’
Dear Chump Lady, My wife left me for another man 8 months ago. You could argue that she didn’t TECHNICALLY cheat on me (at least before our separation). However, she had been laying the groundwork with him before she asked me for the separation. As soon as she asked me…BOOM…she was out the door three […]
Redefining Intimacy
Jammy had a stellar comment on yesterday’s UBT post, which I think merits its own discussion today. To wit: For the love of all things holy, can we please as a society redefine what intimacy actually is? Intimacy is buying that first house and then worrying each month how you will make the mortgage. Intimacy […]
UBT: ‘It’s Not Who I Am’
Dear Chump Lady, Can you please put this through the Universal Bullshit Translator? I do know what the affair did to you, and I’m sincerely and deeply sorry. If I could go back, I would have done a lot of things very differently. You were extremely negative and controlling (You still are), and you were […]
Dear Chump Lady, What’s my ‘role’ in the break-up?
Dear Chump Lady, I have started my divorce, working on the settlement, and I’m a few months after my D-Day with a spouse of 20+ years. The cheater is planning to marry the Other Woman. He told me a few months ago that we need to go our separate ways, etc. So I’m on the […]
The Pollyanna Blameshift
When fuckwits are caught doing something they shouldn’t, there are only a few moves on the chessboard. Admit it. Deny it. Or blameshift it. Although there is a certain elegance in just denying wrongdoing — It never happened! (aka gaslighting) — the more pernicious mindfuckery is blameshifting — Okay, it happened, but the real crime is […]
Stupid Shit I Thought About Infidelity Until It Happened to Me
In the past, we’ve catalogued Stupid Shit Other People Say about cheating. However, I feel it’s only fair to acknowledge that I was once capable of saying such stupid shit myself. Maybe you were too. One lasting gift of infidelity is that you’re never so smug again. What did I learn? Well, I thought I’d make a […]
Dear Chump Lady, I went grey rock, he went nuts
Dear Chump Lady, My chronically cheating EX husband is unfortunately stuck in my life until one of us keels over because I had a baby with him during our marriage. Now, I love our child to death, but had I known my ex was posing as a photographer and taking lingerie pictures of 18-19 year […]
When You’re Married and ‘Fall in Love’ with Someone Else
Dear Chump Lady, I am a recovering chump, happily divorced and living in the State of Meh. Your blog saved me, and I still read it regularly to remind myself how far I have come. My 17-year-old daughter (10 at the time of divorce) recently asked me about infidelity. She is aware of her father’s […]
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