Once upon a time, a fellow “Chump Chap” wrote to me after he realized that he’d gotten a non-apology apology from his cheating ex. He’d committed a common but grievous rookie mistake — he asked his cheater why. For “closure.” Chump Chap didn’t realize it was a fake apology until later. After he wrote me. […]
‘I Haven’t Been Happy for a Long Time’
The other week someone asked me to decode, “I haven’t been happy for a long time.” (Also sometimes expressed as “WE haven’t been happy for a long time.”) It’s trotted out when the chump is looking for an explanation as to why their family life just blew up. Well DUH. “I haven’t been happy for […]
Dear Chump Lady, He says I’m ‘selfish’ for leaving him
Hello, My story is pretty much the same as everyone else’s with a small twist. Married for 12 years. He said he wanted another child in October 2017. I wasn’t so sure, because I had been doing 99% of the child rearing alone. Eventually, I thought to myself that I was being selfish since I […]
Blameshifting Jujitso
Today’s Fun Friday Challenge is flip the blameshifting script. Slam it on the mat and bounce it a few times for good measure. In yesterday’s post, BeardBoy was told his wife had to cheat because he was a homebody and didn’t throw enough parties. He wrote: I never thought being a responsible father and husband […]
Dear Chump Lady, My wife cheated with a woman
Dear Chump Lady, My wife and I started dating when we were in college. It was an amazing romance, and a few years later we got married. We have been married nearly 15 years and have three wonderful children, ages 11, 9 and 6. We are both successful professionals, have a beautiful home and live […]
UBT: “You Were So Perfect, I Had to Cheat”
Usually cheaters run chumps down and blameshift their affairs. You Weren’t Meeting Their Needs. You suck. They love you, but just not in that clandestine-hooker-profile-rent-a-room kind of way. Yet every now and then chumps get this particular bit of mindfuckery from the self-pity channel: “I cheated because I was insecure and needed a distraction. I suffer from low self-esteem […]
Dear Chump Lady, How did he turn into a douche?
Dear Chump Lady, First time chump and I would have bet my life on the fact I’d never be in this position. I had a genuinely lovely husband, together 14 years, married 8 years. My best friend and partner and a nicer man you would have struggled to meet. We got through 7 recurrent miscarriages […]
Dear Chump Lady, He told me not to tell
Dear Chump Lady, I’m a 36-year-old military wife who found out my husband was cheating early last month (February). It began as an emotional affair with his assistant flight chief that later turned sexual. My husband as never cheated before. I was actually in total shock to find out he had. We are in our […]
Beware the Timid Forest Creatures
After you’ve been cheated on, you’d think it’s a pretty simple decision tree — reconcile or divorce. Choose divorce, it doesn’t matter if your cheater is sorry or not sorry, the infidelity is a deal breaker. If you choose reconciliation, however, the matter of How Sorry Are They comes to the forefront of the decision. […]
“I Didn’t Mean To” Debunked
Dear Chump Lady, I was married to a very lovely man for 15 years. He was “nice,” yet he needed parenting. That’s where I came in. There were days when I felt as though I were married to a teenager. He was self-sufficient, held a job, appeared responsible with money, but he CONSTANTLY made bad […]
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