Category: Blameshifting

fault

Why Does Everyone Assume Cheating Is the Chump’s Fault?

Dear Chump Lady, I’ve recently been pondering something that irks me, and would really appreciate your opinion. In various conversations with some friends over the …

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Mindfuck blender

UBT: ‘They are all deep connections with different colors’

Hi Chump Lady, I read your book right after D-Day, lying on the floor, to stop myself from feeling like I’m falling. At the time, …

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fault

Are You Sure It’s Not My Fault?

Dear Chump Lady, I stumbled upon your blog and subsequently your book after two D-days that unearthed three affairs over a six-year period. I’m currently …

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cheat on me

‘She Must’ve Made the Right Decision to Cheat’

Dear Chump lady, Seeking your advice on the following: Background, was with partner for 16 years who decided the grass was greener with a married …

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crush with happiness

Decoding ‘I Haven’t Been Happy For a Long Time’

The other week someone asked me to decode, “I haven’t been happy for a long time.” (Also sometimes expressed as “WE haven’t been happy for …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: ‘You Should’ve Been a Better Husband’

Dear Chump Lady: Since my previous UBT experience was very informative and helpful, I thought I’d serve up another platter of sanctimonious cake speak from …

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Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: ‘You Made Me Leave You’

Hi Chump Lady, Thank you for being there as a light post through this journey. My question is more of a request for some classic …

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mindfuck

UBT: ‘You Were So Perfect, I Had to Cheat’

Usually cheaters run chumps down and blameshift their affairs. You Weren’t Meeting Their Needs. You suck. They love you, but just not in that clandestine-hooker-profile-rent-a-room kind of way. …

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sadz

Ben Affleck Has a Sadz

Celebrity drunk and dropper of ice coffee, Ben Affleck, had some words to say yesterday on the Howard Stern show about his former marriage to …

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schmoopies

UBT: Will the Sex Get Boring?

Oh the horror should Schmoopie luv grow cold. An alert chump sent this advice column from The Times (UK) by Suzi Godson to the Universal …

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sadz

Best Sad Sausage Performances

A pernicious and predictable bit of mindfuckery after D-Day is the Sad Sausage. Did you find evidence on a cell phone? This is absolutely heartbreaking! …

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Her Husband Wishes She Were More Porn-like

Dear Chump Lady, My husband of 20 years has been replaced by a terrible person. He has gaslighted me in the strictest sense — insisting …

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word salad

‘Bagged Salad’ and Other Excuses

You drove ’em to it. That’s the blameshifting of the RIC and cheaters themselves. Your superpowers of suckitude could launch a thousand ships or create …

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shrink

The ‘Dual Accountability’ Therapy Fallacy

Hi Chump Lady, I thought you would line to see the “official point of view” of the majority of therapists that treat infidelity: “Infidelity occurs …

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Nice

UBT: ‘I Wish You Were Still Nice’

The Universal Bullshit Translator gets a lot of “It’s not what I did, it’s how you reacted” pitchforked into it. Blameshifting lays around in piles. Why …

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Is This an Emotional Affair?

Dear Chump Lady, I had been with my husband for 17 years and married 11 of those years. I found him emotionally cheating three times …

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Muffin top

Her Menopause Made Him Cheat?

I’ve read some blameshifting quackery in my day, but Guardian advice columnist Mariella Frostup takes the blood-soaked tampon. A woman writes in to say her partner …

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shrink

Debunking Marriage Builders, Inc.

One piece of advice the Reconciliation Industrial Complex likes to give after D-Day is telling chumps it is their responsibility to make the marriage “a …

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zombie

Ex Wants Chump to Go to Therapy with Her

Dear Chump Lady, My ex-wife (20-year marriage) went to my therapist. (Chump that I am, I recommended that the cheating ex-wife use my therapist to save …

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crush with happiness

‘I Haven’t Been Happy for a Long Time’

The other week someone asked me to decode, “I haven’t been happy for a long time.” (Also sometimes expressed as “WE haven’t been happy for …

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