Dear Chump Lady,
I received this letter from my ex after he physically assaulted me and fractured my elbow and then broke 3 necklaces from pulling me by them to hard, first time he got violent but I have zero tolerance so I left his ass. Mind you — this all escalated because I wasn’t playing into his “bad mood” and instead I was just spending time with friends and ignoring the mood altogether. Definitely got upset he couldn’t trigger me… was so shocking though.
When dropping off my stuff two days later he tucked this in one of my bags…. Just found it and I am screaming. Such a narcissist. I do love how he FINALLY admits he never says sorry though? Or treats me well? Nice to have a little change up from the classic “I’m not ignoring you/ I have no idea what you’re talking about I never said that/etc” bullshit, yanno?
The Universal Bullshit Translator has overheated (it’s August, and that’s too much bullshit), so it’s left to me to decode your fuckwit.
I hope you’re pressing criminal charges and have a protection from abuse order. Because stuffing that letter into your duffle bag is contact, and Mr. Creepy should be in jail.
What this asswipe needs are consequences. The kind delivered via the crushing boot of law enforcement. The UBT is just a mere machine that works for cookies.
(When it works. Right now it’s having a lie-down and moaning about the humidity.)
A basic tenet at CN is the Three Channels of Mindfuckery — charm, rage, and self-pity.
Your broken arm has already experienced rage. Now the dial is fully set at self-pity. Building you up might be “charm” but you’ll notice how it quickly devolves into self-pity again. The sadz is intended as chump bait. Waah! Kiss his boo-boo!
It’s just another form of attention-getting. What enraged him in the first place? Being ignored. Rage didn’t work, so he’s trying self-pity.
Nice to have a little change up
No. It is not. Go cold, hard no contact.
I shall untangle his ugly little skein, and then please stop wondering/marveling/reacting to this creep. Instead, full speed ahead on criminal charges.
You’re a big meanie who is canceling him.
You’re going to burn his letter! Block him! “Scrap his entire existence from your life.” And he is but a sad, loving sausage who just wants to compliment you with cliches. How could you ever be so cruel?
This man FRACTURED YOUR ARM.
Who’s the mean one here? Hello DARVO my old friend.
Confusion on why he’s a dick dribbling FW.
For “whatever reason” he “couldn’t fix his issues.” Who knows the reasons he beats his girlfriend? (He gets off on the power.) Doesn’t matter! Forgive him! If you can find it in your cold, cruel canceling heart.
Faux empathy he cannot sustain. Apologies he doesn’t mean.
He begins by saying your pain “kills” him and then goes on in an entire letter about how this is all so very hard on HIM. Slathered under some bullshit of how wonderful you are (I’M LOSING PREMIUM KIBBLES.)
But the WORST is this line:
“I’m sorry for my role in what happened.”
His ROLE? That implies YOU had a role. And cannot even NAME WHAT HAPPENED.
“I’m sorry I shattered your arm.” Better. Still criminal. Still shouldn’t be contacting you, but at least it would be a proper apology sentence.
He doesn’t call it an assault. He calls it “escalating the situation.” Assaulting you is a “situation.”
This is grotesque blameshifting. It stands in stark contrast to his bullshit that your pain “kills him.” (Ah that it did.) No, your pain turns him on. Come back, he wants to slap you harder.
He thinks his approval matters.
You’re beautiful on the inside! You’re a good friend! You light up every room you walk into!
I was fed that exact line in 1989 by a fuckwit I broke up with. This playbook is very stale. Someone got fed that line in 1939. Could we have some new platitudes, Fuckwits?
What his “compliments” signal is that he thinks you care. He’s a very important person bestowing his favor on you. And aren’t you lucky! A golden kibble for YOU.
Why do you think I give two shits about your opinion of me? You BROKE MY ARM. You’re a common thug I have zero respect for.
His entitlement — to your forgiveness, to his centrality — is still very much intact. That makes him a dangerous person to be around. Block, block, BLOCK.
I would hate for him to “escalate the situation” again. Please, press charges.