Stupid Things Cheaters Say
This entire blog is a repository of stupid things cheaters say. But today it’s your Friday Challenge, and the topic of a future podcast. Give me the dumbest thing your cheater ever said to you.
There used to be a whole page on this blog devoted to Stupid Shit Cheaters Say, but it got so unwieldy the IT folks had me take it down in the site redo. (So much stupid! Too many comments!) But variations of this challenge live in the archives if you cannot get enough stupid.
I can’t decide if they come up with these gems because they think chumps are just that gullible and unworthy of a more creative excuse/apology. Or their circuits fry when they’re caught out and they sputter something ridiculous.
I’ve catalogued some doozies over the years. My favorite stupid cheater utterances of all time is:
“I didn’t cheat on you. I cheated on your belief that I wouldn’t cheat on you.”
stupid cheater
It’s meta! This is next level mindfuckery! They didn’t cheat — they cheated on a concept you had of them. Huh? What? Does that make no sense? Clearly you lack the sophistication to understand.
My next favorite was:
“I wasn’t buying strippers — I was buying self-esteem.”
stupid cheater
Cue the sad sausage violins. The only way to boost this poor man’s confidence was to stuff dollar bills in a g-string.
Back in the day, when I was still living in Lockhart, Texas, I made a promo for my first self-published book, by having a videographer friend go around town and get average folks — and a few cows — to repeat stupid shit cheaters say.
The last guy in this clip, Wayne, who says, “Get away from them!” used to have a vegetable stand on the outskirts of the town. He was a great sport and when I told him about the project, he told me his horrific chump story. How his ex-wife was cheating and left him and took their kids to Mexico. And she dug a hole in the front yard and threw his clothes in. He eventually remarried and had another family, but understandably, never got over it. He said he still wondered what he did to make her cheat.
It made me realize there are a lot of silent chumps out there. Who carry stupid shit cheaters said to them in their heads.
Today we laugh at it. Lay it on me CN!
If you’d like to leave us a voicemail for the podcast (please!) visit http://www.speakpipe.com/chumplady — thanks!
“I never loved you.”
You married me, had two children with me but never loved me. Very self serving story created to justify stupid, selfish behavior. Try again.
A classic favorite.
You were either lying then, or you’re lying now.
Soooooo…either way you’re a liar…
“If you had just gone to sleep and hadn’t stayed up waiting for me to come home, you wouldn’t have known that I came home later than I said I was going to.” [“Why should you go to jail for a crime that someone else noticed?” – Bob Loblaw]
“if you hadn’t looked in the bank account, you wouldn’t know I spent the college fund on sex workers!”
I mean, that’s basically what she is saying, right? Like everything in our marriage, it was actually my fault if you really think about it, lol.
No one actually said that, I was just pointing out the absurdity of ChumpDchump’s contribution 😁
Not something she said, but something she is doing now. I can’t make this up, she is trying to argue with me about giving a pet to the old dog I had when I picked up my boys. She watched this on her ring camera and interrogated my oldest. Said I cannot knock on their door to alert my boys of my arrival when I cannot contact them or the boys via phone or messages; that is crossing her and her AP’s “boundary”. At this juncture, I am proposing we meet at a local gas station to swap the boys because this is ridiculous.
Lots of people use the police station. I actually love the idea as it imposes criminal imagery on the criminals who knifed you in the back. And of course, because it ultra neutral territory which eliminates shenanigans.
I would meet her at the local police station to do an exchange. (And make sure not to pet the police dogs while there!) She sounds looney tunes.
She is, it’s been a long two and a half years so far.
Was she always crazy, Josh, or has this really emerged since DDay or the divorce?
I agree! I would be worried about her drumming up some false charges.
This is my concern too. Josh, I think you should document every hand-off or interaction with her by recording on the phone and/or with a witness. A witness if you can get someone to go with you a couple of times or occasionally, might cut down on the crazy shit because sometimes they act better (image management) when there are others around. Barring that I would definitely record this on the phone. I have a thought in the back of my mind that things may not be going all that well with AP she’s with now and that maybe in addition to her guilt over treating you so badly, she may have angry feelings towards him that are being directed at you. These people don’t handle their anger, whether justified or not, properly. They direct their anger towards people who don’t deserve it, haven’t done anything, or are the actual VICTIMS of their actions because they like to beat up on someone they think is in a more vulnerable position.
I think she is angry because I finally told my boys what their mom said and did and they started to ask questions of her, she is trying to manipulate them and the situation (she is trying hard at some form of alienation, but I am just gritting my teeth through it right now). Anytime there is a flare up, it’s due to some issue she cannot control. She is also working with a counselor/coach that knows she has NPD and cheated, so there is also pressure on her and some outside accountability, we’ll see how long this lasts.
As to the hand-off, I am not overly concerned right now, I have been picking them up from their house every time. For now, I have them waiting on the porch and I will not exit my car, the next escalation is to suggest a neutal area away from her house. It’s just her throwing a tantrum. She has a pattern, I wouldn’t be suprised if she threatens some sort of legal action, but really does not have a leg to stand on.
As to her AP, his problem now, I know he has had issues with her before because he asked my son how he could better manage her emotions. He’s the one that’s going to have to walk on eggshells, good luck to him, he’s a turd that deserves all that comes with her.
Lastly, I think she was some level of crazy within the marriage (I really looked back at all the things she said and did and it was a lot), but that placed some barriers to prevent her from really going off. Now that I am discarded, all bets are off with her. The marriage afforded me some protection, not so much now. Looking back, I would not have married her had we not gotten pregnant, I thought I was doing the right thing. Now I have an opportunity to fix my picker, be on the lookout for red flags, and say NO when I feel like it.
I don’t know Josh, my jaw keeps dropping. I guess I was lucky with my 2 cheaters, not having kids and all. I can’t imagine that the AP is asking one of the KIDS how to manage his mom’s emotions. And where does your ex think the kids think AP sprang from? Under a cabbage leaf? I’m sure it’s obvious to at least one of them that there were issues with mom anyway. Kids pick up on that stuff. Stay strong, it sounds like you’ve got this under control. He’s gonna have a miserable life with her, I can see it coming.
Oh yes, the AP really did ask him as my son told me about it. She likes to say to me, “are you questioning my ability to be their mother?” Mind you, this is totally unrelated to the topic or question we are discussing. She likes to say to them, “do you think I am not a good mother?” when they are causing her problems. I really feel bad for my boys because they have to go along with the manipulation as she will make your life miserable if you don’t or completely cut you out.
Heck, she tried to send me the oldest twice because she could not “control” him. If she does this again, I will take him in as I talked with a guy this weekend with a similar background and when he took his oldest, the youngest followed two months later and the rest was history. I was thinking it would be best if they stayed together, but that might change the dynamic for the better.
Not that I’m a silent chump and I’m over 5 years out so it doesn’t sting as much ( although it does a little) when I asked FW why ? why he would do this he simply shrugged his shoulders and said “ I’m just better at relationships than you Karen “
Wow. “I’m just better at relationships than you, Karen.” There’s a line that absolutely reeks of narcissism and entitlement if I ever saw one.
I wish you could go back in time and tell him something like, “Not better at actual relationships, surely? Better at blowing them up, maybe!”🤣 Or something better.
Hope you’re enjoying your life w/out that awful FW in your life, Karmeh. Wishing you that and peace.
Apparently cheating and hidden exchanges are his definition of “relationship”. That is such a dismissive answer that anyone capable of it is actually INCAPABLE of having a real relationship. It’s like having a romance with a mushroom.
Ah a true narcissist. I hope you laughed your arse off when he said that!
This was his 4th affair over 44 years. This time I am divorcing him and he complained, “There were never any consequences before!”
“Surprise!!!” 😀
You saved them all up for a grand finale!
😭 🎻🎻🎻🎻🎻🎻🎻🎻🎻 😭
“It happened because you never bought me a comfortable chair to sit in.”
Note the use of “it” to describe FW’s 25-years worth of acts to deceive and defraud and endanger me and our 4 kids. Moreover, FW is a 7-figure earning law firm partner. I worked as a lawyer part time, ran our side real estate business, and did nearly all child rearing and home-related care. 🤬🤬🤬🤬
Ah, the old “bagged salad” excuse. It’s also some random thing we failed to do or some random thing we did.
Well, you could have gotten this chair cheap on Etsy. https://images.app.goo.gl/UKwdUM3ZSaQ49WuB6
Yes, they pick out one absurd thing to justify their actions. If you had bought him a comfortable chair, FW would’ve said you didn’t buy him a nice pillow.
Alas……the upholstery was wrong.
“You don’t understand cultural differences “. After finding crotch and boob pics from Italian school moms n a 2nd cell. “Nothing is happening”.
Tsk, didn’t you know Catholic countries have always been historically permissive regarding female sexuality? For instance, until 1981, men walked off Scot free for killing adulterous wives or wayward daughters in Italy. Earlier it was perfectly legal to shave women’s heads and beat them naked in the street.
Wait…
After D day, finding out about coworker and HR investigation…ignoring my gasping crying all night. Finding out about massages and strangers..I told him I needed him to move out. ..his first words were …BUT WHERE WILL I PARK MY SPYDER( Motorcycle) it’s not safe outside. and WHAT ABOUT ALL MY STUFF????
That reminds me that STBX was very sorry for himself when he said “Alright! Fine! I suppose I’ll just have to sleep in my van!!”!
I suppose we were supposed to feel so bad for them we’d say it was alright and they could stay, then? Flippin’ ‘eck!!!
I hate this shit. There is only one response for them making the logistics or expense of their their ouster the Chump’s problem.
“Guess you should have thought about that 5 years ago…” or whenever the start of the cheating was.
🎯…yes indeed…if their stuff, their cars, bikes, toys, collections, house… are more important than our marriage…there’s your answer.
Of course the vehicles are of utmost importance! Klootzak is refusing to leave the marital home at this very moment in part because he whined that he could never find another home “within 2 blocks of here” that has the nice garage this one does. And “working on cars is (his) hobby!” 😫
Really? Because I’m pretty sure fucking strange is his hobby. Any why the fuck should I move because of his alleged hobby? 🤣 I hope he tells that sob story to the judge.
He should have thought of that before he started cheating. They really seem to think cheating should have NO consequences. I don’t get how they even think that is possible. Of course, they don’t think they’re gonna get caught…but they don’t seem to have any plan for what happens if they DO get caught….which is the most common thing. I don’t even want to steal a piece of candy in a store, I guess I just don’t get this boldness they have.
Yes, they really do seem to have been thinking they could get away with cheating indefinitely and are sort shocked as well as full of self-pity when we dish out the consequences!
I often think that it’s as if STBX had become brain-addled, as he didn’t even bother to concoct plausible lies near the end, yet was still astonished I copped onto him, and worse still, tried to get me to feel guilty when I kicked him out! It’s mad!
I remember when I was in about the 5th grade in the late 50s. I had started walking to school with this girl and she talked me into stealing a candy bar. I did it, and was scared to death for the rest of the day. The next day on my way to school, I stopped by the store and confessed and paid for the candy bar. I also quit walking to school with said girl.
I just can’t imagine the guilt of doing the crap my ex did. Sadly, he likely felt little to no guilt because he felt entitled I am sure. Even when he lost his captains bars, and his cushy office and his standing in the community he blamed it on the mayor. My son told me this years later.
It wasn’t his actions of schtumping his direct report and lying to everyone, causing the city to be susceptible to a hostile workplace lawsuit, it was the mayors fault.
Oh, here’s my big confessional moment….when I was a little girl, oh, maybe 8 or 9, I was in the supermarket with my mother and there was a bag of package candy – I don’t even remember, maybe like tootsie rolls – opened and I took a couple of pieces. GASP!!!!! Little did I know that the enormous security guy was right near me and saw this and I got this lecture that scared the shit out of me. I was so ashamed. I never wanted to go back to the store, but I never stole anything again. Every now and then my husband likes to take a piece of candy from the open taffy bins at one of our markets and I always tell him NO, don’t do that. Now we just let people openly shoplift of course, and they steal the stores blind. If only we would catch kids when they’re small/young and just scare them and try to turn them around. I don’t think I would ever have been a major criminal, LOLOLOL, but it made a lasting impression. A lot of these cheaters I think have been doing some crooked things all their lives and no one ever said boo to them or caught them. Some might even have been encouraged. We have to try to stay on the straight and narrow as boring as it might be, it works out better for everyone in the long run.
Yep, by the time you reach full adult life, I think the moral code in ingrained. Can one change it, of course but the effort is overwhelming I am sure.
I am so glad truth/honesty and the golden rule was drummed into me when I was young. My parents were not sophisticated but they were solid in their integrity.
Mehitable…THEY DO NOT BELIEVE THAT WE Csn Or WILL.LEAVE THEIR MAGNIFICENCE. Right after discovery is THE ONLY TIME you have to.surprise them and get preped to leave STAT, for a pre emptive strike. Once you show a cheater you can leave them, I think they use that time ( RICtime) to take money out and make plans to LEAVE YOU!!!!They call your bluff..it is not safe to let them know you could leave them…it must be done quickly. STEALTH.
I guess that’s the bottom line – the egotism of it!!!! But if they’ve got the OW/AP buttering them up all the time maybe they start to believe their own PR. Until it stops. Butter only goes so far, it’s expensive.
“Because I’m pretty sure fucking strange is his hobby”. I think my FW has the same hobby & maybe why I couldn’t get him to do any hobbies together!
Mr Wonderfuls ex..Mine agreed to move out for 2 weeks, fully expecting to return by Father’s day. I filed, got a restraining order and locked him out while he was at the hotel.He was always armed,has lots of guns and ammo and was unstable..but I could hardly believe it was about his stuff and not about me/ us????? He remained worried about things and never ever about us. But now I realize I was a thing too.i was of use only as an appliance. His words reflected my use to.him only as a service animal. I let him have the house since every room except 2 were packed with unfinished jobs, and junk. I couldn’t breath in there anymore
This might resonate with you:
https://www.yourstoryissafehere.com/blog/2024/7/8/what-takes-up-all-the-room
WINNIE!!! This is it exactly…!!!!! This article, I could have written it myself. OH MY GOODNESS !! I started to read it casually and then had to sit myself right down with heart palpitations.💓. Seriously!! So my last cheater had every room packed with crap, unfinished promises, undone projects, all future faking to keep my hopium pipe lite up. Sheds full of failed business. Of tools from a NEW JOB every 2 to 3 years..Of memorial rooms to his parents with funeral photos and stuff from their houses crammed in. I TRIED to keep just one room a guest room, just one room! A week did not go by without me dragging crap out that he just wanted to keep there for a” little while “. It was a full out covert war to be able to hold any space for me, for neatness for peace. Under EVERY BED there were projects, wood, tools, screws, tiles, pieces of everything half done. I had to decide I knew I would lose alot of future funds to let him have the whole house and garage FULL of his stuff,2 sheds full, 5 rooms in the house stuffed…every empty space was his. Like a dog peeing on every spot, it was marked. I was marked. In the end of 2022 I walked away and moved everything I wanted into 600 Sq foot Senior apartment with NOTHING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in storage. I left it all or gave my things away. I had had enough.., I had almost lost my soul in that house and I’m also sure he had woman in my bed during times I was away. I did try to purge the house and pray in each room and sage scents..but NOTHING Cured my feeling of smothering to death..in that house. I am thrilled to be free..yes suffering the pangs of covert intimate abuse BUT realizing every day I was saved by my God of undivided love for me.. I am free. The feeling I have cannot be described, but your article hit the target🎯and I thank you so much!!
I’m so glad it spoke to you! Diane Strickland is an amazing writer.
I am normally a silent chump. I have posted this in the past and, hoping that people will not be bored by it, I think it bears repeating. I am at the stage where I think what he did (cheating) was absolutely ridiculous and his pronouncements incredibly shallow. Something to give me a laugh. Some are classic and some are just thoughtless.
Here goes..from 8 or so years ago
I love you but I’m not in love with you.
(Ever since i gave myself permission to lust after and then have a secret sexual relationship with my old girlfriend from 45 years ago. Such a coincidence!) What? You think I should have put some love and effort into the marriage? What do you mean? I don’t understand.)
We grew apart.
(Sure we did. We grew apart after 32 years of marriage because I detached from you to justify pursuing the tantalizing woman with the baby voice. I treated you with such distain and contempt that you feebly tried to defend yourself, and then I could tell the whore that you were crazy, that we had ‘drifted apart.’)
I’ve been unhappy for 10 years. I’ve wanted to leave you for years.
(Since that old gf started emailing me and slathering me with praise, and we decided to meet for coffee and then lunch, I’ve come to see how bad my life with you is! Such a crappy existence, having fun with friends and family, travelling, golfing, skiing, hiking, and our 4 kids. I never realized how rotten it all was until the OW got my …… to rise up! (But only for a short time) She smiles at me all the time and agrees with me all the time. We have so much in common from the 1970’s! We are so perfect together! We should never have broken up 45 years ago, even though we fought all the time and had totally different goals!)
She is my soul mate.
(She is always happy to see me (like a dog) and is content seeing me for a two hour visit or sex once a week or every two weeks as long as i message her a couple of times a day. I love how my wife is completely duped and I can send cute and loving messages to my OW while my wife and I watch tv together in the evening! My wife has no idea what I am doing. Also it’s so great how my wife makes arrangements for dinners and outings on the weekends and I can pretend what a great family man I am!) (OW, shut up! I’m busy on the weekends and can’t see you! I’m really trying to leave my wife but it’s so hard! I’m working on it!)
We have nothing in common.
(You like shopping and i don’t. I like violent/action movies and you don’t. Those are the two main reasons I am leaving you…when it’s convenient for me to do so. Also you tidy the house before we have visitors. It’s criminal!
Our 4 children, our many family holidays and gatherings, our travels together, our home, our friends… our skiing, hiking, golf, books….all non existent. Conveniently vanished from memory, or at least dimly remembered but who cares!)
You would like the OW if you met her. She’s a good person.
(She’s just like you except she’s had 3 husbands already plus a live in abusive boyfriend when her three girls were young. I would be the fifth or sixth partner but again, who cares if she’s cheating on her current husband. She says he’s boring!! She loves me now and I am so special!. I know you would get along so well.)
We are two good people on different paths.
(The cheating, lying, abusive path, vs the loyal spouse for 32 years path. I really am good, really. I’m good at lying now. I’m very good at deception and leading a double life. No one knows except the whore! She’s cheating on her husband too! How great is that! I am incredible! More than that, I am actually fabulous!!)
I need to be happy and you will not be happy if i am unhappy the whole time.
(I will treat you as though i hate you and have utter contempt for you until you kick me out and i can totally blame you for the marriage breakdown. Because you are too stupid and will never find out that I am cheating on you and have been for years. My plan is to produce the OW just after we separate as though we had just met! No one will guess I have been cheating! I am actually brilliant,)
I hope you don’t spend too much on lawyers.
(I see you bent over in anguish, crying because of the shock and trauma of my sudden and vicious betrayal of you, but all I really care about is how much of our money you spend. I’ve listed our assets for the divorce lawyer and don’t want to have to redo the balance sheet to reflect another expensive lawyer. Besides that, I want you to just roll over and let me have my fuck toy and playmate! Don’t irritate me with long drawn out divorce proceedings!)
The children will all get over it in time.
(It’s all about me, me, Me! The 4 adult children don’t matter as long as I am happy with the fantasy woman. I am pretty sure they will come to see how fabulous she is even though their Mom has broken down completely. The OW tells me the kids will be fine in a couple of weeks and I believe her.)
I feel nothing for you.
(I will just pack a few of these clothes you washed and folded, (btw, thanks for lunch) rush off to meet the whore in a hotel for a couple of hours for a bit of fun and I should be back in time for dinner. What are we having? People are coming over? I’ll pick up some wine on the way home).
We are two good people on different paths.2
On one hand I have a faithful wife, working away at her wifely duties, including always staying in touch with the kids, staying in touch with my family because I can’t be bothered to, and making social arrangements, looking after the household, believing in the integrity of and trusting me, her husband. On the other hand I am a cheating, lying fuckwit who does nothing around the house, who goes to work and visits the whore on the way there or on the way back. Who also visits the whore, for example, when my wife volunteers in the community, spends the day with friends, when she waits at home for me on our anniversary while I am secretly with the woman (extra thrilling to me), and that is just the tip of the iceberg. I am Mr. Fabulous for getting away with it for so long!
My mother always told me that I am responsible for my own happiness.
(This justifies cheating, because who would consider trying to be the best husband and father possible to be happy? I need to leave for the OW fantasy to be happy.)
i heard the same thing after 37 years, the path, the i love you but …the children( adults) will get over it….we grew apart (news to me you were still sleeping with and doing: it with me! you know the OW and did like her once! I filed this this week. He said he still has a “glimmer” of hope for us…LOL Like you, I was a good, faithful, loving, hard working wife. A partner. It’s OVER . He got away with it for so long. Her ex suspected their affair but could not prove it.I have the proof recorded! Our kids are disgusted with him and hers are as well. NC from me the kids is making him feel so lonely – booo hooo. once a cheater always a cheater is so true. Chumped twice by the same man. He’s FUITH
🧑🍳😙
Wow, this guy had the ENTIRE playbook down pat – that’s line one standard lie(ne) after another! How did your FW end up – did he settle down with OW or plead for you to take him back at some point? Sounds like an enormous trade-down.
@Ironwood — This is hilarious: “We have so much in common from the 1970’s!” 🤣
But I must know — did he become husband #4 for his schmoopie freak? And did she cheat on him too? Your kids know what he did, yes?
FYI hi!
yes, my kids knew right away, as they were all young adults. I am 73 now, was in my mid sixties when I found out. He did not become her husband #4. I contacted the woman’s husband a couple of years after the fact. She had just invited him out to lunch. When I told him that she had cheated on him with my husband ( he did not know! He was just told that she didn’t want to be married to him because he did this and that…you know the cheater drill) he was horrified at the news and cut her attempts to reconcile off.
Is there a “CHEATING FOR DUMMIES” book that they all read? I am continually amazed at the identical things we have all heard. While we may think our marriages and lives are unique to us, once they cheat they all become the same assholes.
I think they actually DO learn from each other and sometimes tell each other how to cheat better, what to say/do if caught, etc. There’s a whole sub Reddit dedicated to cheating (yeah, I got banned, LOLOLOL) and probably other sites too. And books to help them cheat better as well.
Committing any degree of sustained partner abuse seems to be the ultimate “generic-izer” that kills individuality, probably not only because the motives to abuse are nearly always the same (for instance, virtually all domestic batterers cheat) but also because, from the moment people do something heinous to another person, their entire psychic focus forever after becomes about self-exculpation and making excuses at victims’ expense which seems to be a full time job depending on how heinous the deeds were. Eventually, the rest of their personality will “bend” around this preoccupation until they become “same, gray and predictable” in all ways, including the fact that they often continue abusing once they invest in this mental alibi machine because– “good money after bad” style– even stopping would be to admit that earlier misdeeds were wrong and unjustified.
At least that’s how the director of the DV survivor advocacy program I worked for put it. She also argued that abuse acts like a singularity in society that makes everything and everyone in its field of gravity predictable, like a conformity black hole. For instance, while victims come from every walk to the point there’s no way to statistically predict who will or won’t become a victim according to pre-abuse backgrounds, psychology, beliefs, etc., abusers– if you have the wonderful experience of seeing past their fake veneers and getting to know them behind closed doors– seem to be produced on an assembly line. But precisely because abusers tend to think, do and say the same shit and abuse in the same ways (varying only in intensity, frequency, injuriousness or lethality), it can create an illusion that all victims are monolithic as well simply due to the fact that there’s only so many ways human beings are wired to respond to traumatic abuse.
It fits with the idea that this is why abusers seek to terrorize and exhaust– because fear reduces human beings to almost mechanized, hardwired lizard brain responses that supplant higher thinking, make it difficult to maintain individual perspective and make people predictable enough to control a lot of the time. Stupid bystanders and helping professionals may then misread victims’ nearly uniform post-abuse behavior as evidence of uniform pre-abuse pathology which is where we get all the victim-blamey, takes-two-to-tango tropes and theories of yore. But even the victim blaming is incredibly predictable, uniform and a kind of conformity because, when choosing sides in a standoff, who is more unsafe to cross and who is easier to blame– the relatively harmless victim who didn’t start the fight and who “lost” the fight or the aggressive instigator whose entire existence is wrapped around brutally impinging their self-exculpating bs narratives?
FWIW, I heard almost every single one of these, verbatim.
And what is it about “ten years”? They always say ten. Cheaters always say “ten years” like drunk drivers always say “two drinks”….
Oh wow this is chilling. My ex didn’t cheat on me physically (that I know of) but he had a collection of CSAM and was an admin of a website devoted to “erotic” stories about children.
When I found out–as a result of an early morning police raid that involved each member of our family of four being separately marched outside a gunpoint and handcuffed on the front lawn–I asked him how long this had been going on (we’d been married 27 years). Ten years, he said.
😮 !!!!
That must have been horrifying, I’m so sorry ye were put through that by that vile man!
I hope ye are all doing well now?
Thank you! It’s been just over a year since that day and we are doing much better than I would have thought. My family and friends have been amazing, my kids are safe and well, and I’ve even begun to enjoy the sense of freedom and being on my own for the first time–we had been together since I was 18.
That’s brilliant! It’s really encouraging and uplifting to hear about chumps and their kids doing well after being put through Hell by FWs! It helps me remember that sometimes justice is done in this life , not just the next! More power to you Winnie!
While this comment doesn’t refer to his cheating, it should have been a tip off to what lay ahead for me. It is bar none, the dumbest blame shift-ingest thing I ever heard coming out of his mouth.
“I wouldn’t have locked myself out of the house and been late for work if you bought Tupperware”.
GODS that’s funny! I have one like that-she got all pissed off when I was late for work…because I had to turn around on the way…because she locked herself out…
“You can catch it from the bedsheets you know”. ‘It’ being chlamydia. Um, no you can’t but you can catch it from what’s between the bedsheets.
” I haven’t loved you in 10-15 years, but I was a good husband, I only cheated on you a handful of times”
Oh man, I heard something very similar from mine. I got the world’s longest email (literally dozens of pages if I had printed it out) of all the ways he “went above and beyond as a husband and father”. Literally bullet points of the ways he was awesome. Coincidentally leaving out the fact that he had been cheating, lying and living a secret life for the entirety of our 30 years together.
“Everything is permitted the hero”– Jean-Paul “Epic Mid-century FW” Sartre.
Haha, sorry. I had something sorta similar. We were doing couples’ therapy, and we had to fill out these worksheets where we graded ourselves and each other on various aspects of our relationship. On the field “faithfulness,” I gave myself an A and her an F. On the same question, she gave me an A and herself a C. I interpreted that to mean “hey, 75% of the time of been faithful!” lol. Also, she gave me an F on “does your partner fulfill you spiritually.” What a crock of shit that whole process was.
Grades?! Really? Was there one for the shrink?
He was, by far, the worst of three therapists we went to. All three therapists were post-first-Dday.
The first was quintessential RIC: “CDC, maybe you can meet FW halfway by taking her out on more dates. FW, maybe you can meet CDC halfway by cutting back on binge drinking and sex with other men.” You know, both sides, really …
The second was the worksheet guy, who was a complete waste of time.
The third was delightful. We were post-separation, and were going because we wanted strategies about co-parenting, etc. FW, however, used it as a platform for airing of grievances, which I had no interest in doing at that point. The therapist cut through all of her BS and eventually recommended that she seek out a psychiatrist for a diagnosis because he suspected that she was borderline. I spent most of the time sitting on the sofa silently. I should send him a nice holiday card.
I wish chumps would put together regional “grading” lists of couples therapists, especially when going to one is necessary for legal/custody reasons.
That is a great idea!
I didn’t think lies of omission were “real” lies. (Not telling me that he was a porn-addicted transvestite and posting on gay websites.)
Oh yeah. Also blowjobs aren’t “cheating”.
I’m a straight gal, was married 34 years to a straight man. Cheater (not straight after all), said, “I thought you knew I preferred to have sex with men”. OMG. My head almost spun off my neck. Totally blindsided. Stupid perhaps, cruel definitely. Asshat.
Mine claims never to have lied to me even though he had a secret life for decades. “Lies of omission aren’t really lies. You never asked me, so I just never told you.” Silly me! I should have known to say “Hi Honey, how was your day? Did any strippers blow you after work?” My bad.
“You didn’t decorate the house very well, Schmoopie is a great decorator”. Oh so sorreee, that I’m more accomplished in everything else over your high school dropout, part-time sales clerk, kid-hating side piece, but Schmoopie outdoing me in that category somehow makes her the cat’s meow??
“I didn’t tell you because I thought you’d never find out.”
“I didn’t lie to you, I just didn’t tell you the truth.”
“You are not ok with me communicating with men on gay websites because you are a homophobe.”
“I only had a gay sexual encounter with a man online because I wanted to know how the video system worked.”
Sheesh. Sign me up for Chump of the Year.
Mine said “I thought it would all come out after I was dead.”
That was supposed to make me feel better.
Haha – I got this one too! “I didn’t tell you because I thought you’d never find out.”
Upon being confronted over the OM and denying he was her Affair Partner, my licensed marriage therapist (now ex) wife said, “He has nothing to do with our marriage problems.”
In a way this is right. She is the problem.
“I meant a threesome of course,” said by my brand new husband at his office Christmas party, when I walked up to him while he was chatting up his boss’s wife. I arrived just in time to hear him proposition her. He turned to me and added, “I would never do anything behind your back, but a threesome would be cool.”
The only person he surprised when it turned out he WOULD do something behind my back was me. “Well, yes we were in her bedroom. But nothing happened! We were just playing Monopoly. I must’ve been wearing it that way all day.” I had come home from work early and, coming in the back door to our apartment building (her bedroom was on the first floor facing the parking lot), when I heard my husband’s distinctive shout of “I’m coming! I’m coming!” When he arrived in our apartment, minutes after me, in a disheveled state with his polo shirt inside out, he swore up and down that he and Alice in Dairyland downstairs had done nothing but play Monopoly. In the nude. In her bedroom.
“You’re too fat. You’re too ugly. I deserve something better; I deserve a wife who pays attention to me.” I had two jobs plus overtime to keep up with his spending and pay his college tuition. He deliberately chose to be out of the house on the evenings I was home. (And I was pretty cute 45 years ago when I was 23, which is when that happened!)
He refused a new position in his company (cheated with 30-years younger direct report Schmoopie – new position unrelated to affair), because he would “resent me.”
Then, after moving out a few months later, announced that he was moving to another state to live with his female former co-worker and look for a new job. I said “I thought she always had something for you.” To which he replied “Yea, me too.” Clueless.
“She’s not anything like you! She’s beautiful and successful!” He was in the military and was on a temporary assignment to school. Spouses weren’t encouraged or welcome to accompany the military personnel. Like in “An Officer and a Gentleman,” townies were lining up to snag an officer . . . I caught on when his best buddy who was also at the school mailed his wife a roll of film to be developed and she clued me in. I wasn’t exactly ugly, and was the only wife in the neighborhood (military housing) to be employed full time working for a large and prestigious hospital making twice what he made. I felt pretty danged successful every time I walked into work.
“You pissed me off so I HAD to go out and FUUUCCKKK something.” (It had snowed the night before, and regulations are that the drives, sidewalks and a path for the mailman had to be cleared by 0700. I hadn’t cleared them because I didn’t get home from work until 0830. He was home — he could have cleared them; but he was taking advantage of my overnight shift to entertain. I found evidence of the entertaining, but I didn’t know it was Father Steve, our priest.
“I was helping her to figure out whether or not she had a true vocation. I didn’t think you’d mind.” Explaining why he fucked Sister Margaret, the nun who led our pre-Cana classes.
Truly gobsmacking!!!
Lord, Ruby, I am so sorry. They used to call men like your husband and mine “moral imbeciles” and to me that sounds about right,
I am speechless on this one. Oh my
Wow. That’s just … wow. Just when you think you’ve heard it all.
I had been calling FW by a pet name for 37 years. After D-Day, once verbally and once in an email he said “Stop calling me “******’. It’s a nasty name.”
Also in an email, and this my be the title of a book I’m someday maybe sorta thinking about possibly writing: “You are cold, cruel, and heartless. I will miss you.” 🙂
Love that title. Lmao!
Oh – I’ve forgotten one (among several hundred): Before D-Day FW and I used to serve each other breakfast in bed every Sunday, alternating weeks. It was my week to cook and serve. I had brought the tray of food into the bedroom but had forgotten the salt and pepper and had to return to the kitchen. As I left the bedroom I said to him “Do you need anything else from the kitchen?” and he spat out “You don’t give a shit about me motherfucker!!” I was so shocked I almost walked into the door jamb, but as was my custom at the time I didn’t question it or ask for clarification, I just bit the shit sandwich and moved on. D-Day was two weeks later, and thanks to all of you good sharing folks of CN I finally understand what that was all about.
“But, But, I can’t do it all by MYSELF!” This was AFTER he attempted to strangle me to death because he had his transfer orders to a plum assignment and he figured he didn’t need me as a beard anymore. I had come “home” to our house on base when I knew he was at work, and my friends and I had stripped the place of everything I had brought into the marriage — linens, kitchen ware, furniture, Christmas decorations — everything except the four lawn chairs he’d brought and what we couldn’t get to by 3:10 pm when he got off work. I did no cleaning. He called me at work that night to demand that I come back and “clean up the mess you left.” I declined. “Do you know how much trouble I could get into if this house doesn’t pass inspection?!” I was very proud of myself for not capitulating and cleaning the danged house for him, repairing the holes he’d punched in the walls and the ones where he’d slammed me through the drywall. “I don’t CARE how much trouble you get into. Have your bed bunny help you.”
I hope we hear from Bagged Salad today!
😂
Here are the D-Day Greatest Hits
It was never my intention to fall in love with him-followed by stunned silence when I replied with “…but you encouraged it.”
He said he never wanted to get between us-again, stunned with “so why did you let him?”
I’m not in love with you anymore. I love you…as my friend! I…guess I was supposed to be ok with getting friend zoned in my own long term committed relationship? Coda to that-she had just dismissed 5 friends for calling her out on her bullshit earlier in the day. So…thanks for the opportunity?
You know, I told you multiple times that I’d be ok if you picked up a girl while you’re on road trips! Yes, and each time I told you “nah I’m good, already have the best one!” You know who WOULDN’T be ok with that? Me(and actually her probably.)
I COULD have been angrier about you staying out with your friends: During the Pick-Me Dance of 10 months leading up to this, she probably just wanted me to watch her give my love away. I dunno, I usually I was at a friend’s house playing board games and Guilty Gear.
I PROMISE that I’m not leaving you because (blank) and this is not your fault (Morgan Freeman Voice) That is why she left Jeff alright. She did think it was his fault.
I painted that thing for you and you never hung the picture like I asked you to! Yes, I told you I needed help with moving furniture to do that and you never let me have company over. Need I list the two dozen things you committed to doing and never did?
Please don’t do anything nasty to my car! O……k? Can’t say I’ve ever sabotaged or vandalized a vehicle…or anything really. Even at my most expansive “bad day at work so let’s watch the world burn” invective I don’t think I ever talked about anything like that. Given her track record, she was pretty good at ruining vehicles without any revenge tactics.
I don’t remember the specific quote for the next one as I was too busy enjoying the complete dissolution of my ego mass and sanity, but basically, in desperation, I told her to keep Schmoopie and still marry me. (Not my proudest moment…In fact it’s pretty high up there on “things I judge myself about late at night.”) Her responses was something to the effect of “you’d let me love another man and still pay my bills? That’s gross.” Funny…it was completely ok for the last 10 or so months until I consented to it, I guess. Dodged THAT bullet!
After D-Day there were a couple of gems.
She had a roadmap for our friendship after…whatever the hell it was we had for so long. I imagine it was something she rehearsed with her therapist(after all-therapy was HER time to figure out how to change other people so she could still be a blight) for what I now understand to be impression management. One of those things was that I was going to have a key to her new place and would be able to visit at will. The standard bullshit of “it’ll be just the way you like-we just won’t be together.” Except when she started to move out, she said she was having trouble moving furniture so I was like “ok, let me help you move it since I’m getting a key and everything.” She answered with a startled “NO!”-the way a child tries to hide a puppy they found at the park. Told me everything I needed to know-she already have a love nest set up elsewhere.
The last one, and my personal favorite-“if it’s really such a problem for you, mark it all as ‘return to sender’. Else leave my mail alone.” She still has her mail sent to my apartment. When she (finally) returned her keys I guess she kept a mailbox key. And completely apropos to her laziness-never bothered to change her forwarding address. Generally I do just that-I have a Return to Sender stamper(the Chump starter kit on Amazon should come with one), drop her stuff in outgoing, and continue with my day-not without a jolt of traumatization seeing her name.
I can’t decide what irritates me more about that last one-that she is clearly trying to keep her foot in the door, that I am somehow still responsible for some of her upkeep after she betrayed me and stormed out to “start over”, or the simple fact that in all of her communication attempts not once has she expressed any interest or concern in how I’m doing.(I am not concerned with her messing with my mail-everything of import I get electronically or has tracking attached to it. Opening my mail addressed to me is a federal offense and I have no problem pressing those charges.)
Though final thoughts on that one-she got a “Final Notice” recently. I left THAT one in the box for her to see ^_^
Have a Fuckwit Free Friday!
I love my Fridays. I have the option to go dancing, watch a movie, drink beer, or do whatever I want now that I’m free.
“I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you”
Can someone explain to this grown-ass man that that’s the same damn thing?
After I filed for divorce, I went to see his sister who was a close friend. I divorced him after four D-days in a year, and his sister filled me in on many, many other “indiscretions” of his. Unlike most cheaters, he caved and started with the excuses almost immediately, and admitted to other affairs that neither my sister-in-law or I had caught.
“I only fucked her to be nice to her because she’s your sister.”
“We had some downtime at work, and the kitchen was hot . . . ” Explaining why he fucked the bartender in the walk-in cooler at the pizza parlor where he worked, and was caught by the chef, a nice old man who had been happily married to the same woman for fifty years.
“Well she owed me, because I gave her a ride home.” After his inattentive driving resulted in him rear-ending a woman at a stop sign.
“No, I didn’t fuck ALL of the women in the choir. Some of them were old and ugly. I only fucked the choir director, a couple of altos and a few sopranos.” He was the church organist, in more ways than one.
“No, I didn’t fuck her. We were only studying for economics.” (With a picnic and a bottle of wine at the lake. I found a strange bra in the cooler.)
And I’d best stop now . . . I have so many more.
You owe me a new phone. I did a spit take of Pepsi Zero on this one upon reading that organist line. Hilarious!
He was the church organist, in more ways than one.
Ruby, you are mighty. You’ve been through hell and still have your humor intact. I love that quality in you and think it bodes well for happiness in your new FW-free life. #Team Ruby.
And he stayed away from the Mezzos after the bartender? Well then.
My asshole ex used to send emails for our “week” anniversaries, celebrate every little achievement I had, got me chocolate, cleaned the house, cooked dinner, etc. Told me he loved me all the time.
After D-day when I refused to play dumb and rugsweep:
“All those I love you’s, remembering things, chores, dinners….I didn’t mean any of that. None of that was really me. I did it because I think it’s important but none of it was me”.
Ok then, that really didn’t help him when he begged and cried after I filed. He didn’t think I’d leave and was going to show me who was in charge.
I think one of the absolute dumbest things he said had nothing to do with his cheating. It was directed at my kids who he’d become a real asshole to.
They were early teens and one of the older one’s jobs was to bring in the empty trash can on trash day. He was always a super nice kid who never gave any attitude but he was 14 and would sometimes forget. During a post dday fight ex started bitching about my son forgetting the trash.
I said “well go remind him and have him do it”. Ex’s response: “well then he’ll never remember because he’ll know I’ll remind him”. Yep, my 14 year old son was so diabolical that he purposely ignored the trash can while telling himself that ex would remind him. That made even more sense because he had to come back down to get the trash thus creating more effort for himself. But I’m sure he had a master plan to annoy the ex.
Then I pointed out that his spoiled daughter never lifted a finger at home and baby stomped off and pouted.
As it turns out my now young adult sons have done quite well without him.
My adult son is doing more and functioning better since I kicked STBX out as well! That tells a lot, doesn’t it!
Good to hear that they are doing well without the idiot!
“I made a mistake”
A mistake is putting unleaded instead of diesel into your car. A 7-month ongoing relationship with a stripper 20 years his junior is not “a mistake”.
Preach!
As our couples counselor famously put it, “you don’t just slip and fall on some dick.”
Jeff, I gotta use that one.
After my STD diagnosis one month after I discovered his year long affair: “I didn’t use a condom because she had been CELIBATE for 13 years until she met me.” Even my therapist laughed out loud at that one. (The whore told him that her “husband” died 13 years before FW met her and she had not been with any other man until the “Prince Charming” I was married to knocked her off feet. Turns out that she had never been married and had worked as a dominatrix.) You can’t make it up.
Maybe she knows my STBX. He was paying doms $$$thousands during our marriage.
I guess they have to say SOMETHING and they never say the one thing they should say….I was wrong, I did a terrible thing in cheating, I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you, what do you want to know, etc. It’s always about protecting themselves or their AP and justifying what they do somehow. There is no honesty in them.
About the closest I got to that was “I lied. And I cheated. And I’m going to have to live with that.”
That, of course, was another lie. She invalidated anything that would promote personal growth within about 48 hours.
“I was a lonely bride.” Said by a 48 yr old woman on the day she moved out after being married for barely a year. I would not discover for another 5 months that on that day she had recently quit her job and was about to drive halfway across the country to live with an alcoholic on whom she had a crush when she was ten. Once I saw her true predator nature, it was obvious that she had also been cheating locally before the marriage that she had forced with an ultimatum.
“quit her job and was about to drive halfway across the country to live with an alcoholic on whom she had a crush when she was ten.”
How romantic. I’m sure that ended well. 🙄
DSW sent some junk mail addressed to FW’s first name and the drunk’s last name a few months ago. I bent the pain shopping/NC rule and confirmed that a marriage license had been issued in some TX county a year earlier. The childhood crush had not been single. He had a wife that I did speak to for a few hours after I put the together what my FW had done. She knew that her husband was living with my FW, but had been told that they had magically reconnected after he had moved out.
That poor woman had to sell her house at 60 during her divorce. There was quite a bit of equity that my greedy FW was after. The other spouse had lost both her parents in the months leading up to her husband leaving. This woman was burying her last parent and my FW was secretly flying into town to f*ck this woman’s husband and convince him to leave her. These two FWs are real pieces of work.
Other than that, everything is blocked, so I’ll just trust that heaven has eyes and that they get the lives that they deserve.
When questioned about why he was so secretive with his devices (he used to hide his phone in a drain pipe when he went for a run) he said, “Because if you saw them you would accuse me of cheating!” My other favorite, from the day he got stuck on the self-pity channel during the divorce, is “Do you know how hard it is being around you knowing that you’re the only person I’ve ever met who doesn’t like me?!!” Note to new chumps, I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time actually trying to get into his devices to find proof of cheating when his general behavior in the relationship broke every other vow he’d made and was more than reason enough to leave.
After asking for the truth of what happened in the affair:
“That is the person you want me to be. I am the person I want to be. I will not apologize for that or feel wrong.
…
I have learned to value the person I am today. That is what I will not apologize for.”
So… the multi-year sexual affair was okay because it helped her grow as a person?
“Only God can judge me!”
Well, you say that …
Ahh that old chestnut! “I’m not going to apologize for being happy.”
One of many…after dinner and drinks and wine,we were walking back to the Hilton I always stayed at and she told me ,”I want to see what your hotel room looks like.” I thought she was curious, so we went up. Or, “How was I to know she was bisexual?” Just because she liked to go to gay bars and knew everyone there, how would I know?” “There was no way I could have known this.” Another good one…”How was I to know taking a road trip down the CA coast was cheating?” Finally… “They were all just so much trashier and sleazier than you. And they could drink me under the table.You could never do that. And that one on the boat, she could outdrink anyone, and she had big hands and feet, and her thighs jiggled. ” Okay, sure. Like these are all good things. Dumb as a rock.
It’s a tie between two things my FW Cheater Husband said to me right after D-Day
1) “It was just chatting”…to which I immediately corrected him, “You meant it was just cheating!” As he was calling her “my love” and giving kiss emojis, etc. There was zero innocence in the texts that was going back and forth between him and her. It was clearly cheating.
2) “I guess in a way I was protecting you guys” (as in me and the kids, as he’d just been fired from his best narcissistic supply job ever and apparently cheating was the best way to fix his ego. But at first, he was enraged that he’d been fired and was having all kinds of rage fits, drinking heavily, erratic behavior, etc. This same “protection” also apparently meant strangling me almost to unconsciousness when I picked up his phone and caught the cheating. I was covered heat to toe with bruises from the altercation of him trying to get the phone away from me with various arm bars and choke holds. Some “protection”…
You watched ‘Love Island’….. and there we have it! 35 years together and he was so upset about that he fell into anothers vagina..
🤣🤣🤣
To be fair it’s not great television!
No, I couldn’t be doing with Love Island at all, but even so….? I am guilty of liking other reality programmes like TOWIE, Big Brother and Made in Chelsea but I went off them all and it didn’t make STBX faithful!
By the way Reading Lass, do you remember “The Family” that was on ITV in the 70s, or are you too young? I ask because it was a “fly-on-the-wall” documentary about a family who lived in Reading. It’s been described as the first ever reality programme. I liked it but my parents didn’t so I only saw a bit of it. They said I was too young and I vaguely remember some cheating may have been done, but can’t remember by whom.
Sorry for going off topic!
I am old enough to have sat in a classroom with a teacher pointing out reality TV was not real because you could tell participants had not forgotten the cameras were there and the camera person was probably on the floor because of the angles and because the girls kept glancing down.
Nowadays I just do Sewing Bee and TOWIE but I do remember The Family. The youngest child was the result of an affair the mother had. When the daughter got married Clive James reviewed the show and was very uncomplimentary about her dress.
Oh yes, I remember now about the mum having they youngest from an affair. it was quite a scandal wasn’t it?
I used to love Clive James on TV but I missed that one! The reviews he used to do of Endurance used to have me crying with laughter and I feel bad about it now because the contestants were being literally tortured! They did know what they were letting themselves in for I suppose but Lord save us, it was pure cruelty!
I’m off topic again, sorry!
I don’t really have good snark for this one. My cheater was always so apologetic and oh so sorry. He didn’t really ever try to justify his other partners after he was caught. He went as far as full on confessing one of his affairs (why confess to the others that no one knows about yet?) before our entire church congregation, after which I became an unforgiving heretic.
He did often say things to assure me that I didn’t need to worry about such and such person.
“I can’t help it that she’s super flirty.”
“I can’t even talk to my old high school friends?” (After he was caught cheating with said high school friend)
“We have to study for Hebrew class together. I need to pass this class.” (He failed Hebrew twice, for the record. Guess why?)
“I was just helping her out by spending time with her alcoholic father so he wouldn’t go out drinking. I’m going to be a pastor. Pastors have to do stuff like this.”
Le sigh.
It’s difficult for me to come up with the dumbest shit, because everything he ever said gets me rolling my eyes.
Context: discussion of the fact that my newly revealed “bisexual” (i.e., closeted gay) husband had refused sex with me for two decades.
Him: Did you think I was celibate????
Me: yes.
Him: But how would that be fair to meeeeee????
Me: But I wasn’t getting any from you, and still I never cheated.
Him: I never said you couldn’t….
« They are not prostitutes; they are masseuses. » From an Ivy League graduate lawyer who copped only to hand jobs after I found a burner phone and condoms. He actually said it not only once, but twice!
The timeless classic:
“We were just REALLY good friends!”
At a later date, a cage match bonus round included, “She was your friend too!”
Me: “When did I spend a single minute with her at a social event?”
Him: “uh, um.”
Me: Utilizing the therapist approved “I feel” statement concerning his betrayal.
Him: Spat out with withering contempt. “I’m not responsible for YOUR feelings.”
“I’m not responsible for YOUR feelings.”
He’s also not responsible for HIS feelings.
Lemme guess – you were responsible for his?
I love the just friends, such a classic line they use.
My favourite from D-Day #1 was –
It’s not my fault, I don’t get many offers. Women don’t find me attractive.
I barely held it together as I asked him if he expected me to feel sorry for him. And asked why the fuck would he say that to his wife.
When I learned about the Pity Channel it all made sense.
Oh yes they do want you to feel sorry for them for all the sexual rejections they’ve experienced whilst married to you
Well I didn’t feel sorry for him. And confessed to him that I do get a lot of offers and still chose to remain faithful. What a cockwomble.
“She’s the Daughter of a Friend I used to do Ju-Juitsu with. Of course, I need to respond to her sexual messages on kink social media sites so I don’t hurt her feelings. I know you saw multiple message notifications on my phone, but it came out of nowhere.”
“our first time was in the back of the squad car” I guess I was supposed to slap him on the back and say “way to bag em”. I didn’t.
“It wasn’t really cheating because I didn’t think you’d find out.”
Huh?
Oooh! Also:
“Remember when we watched a horror movie together and you wanted to turn it off because you thought that watching women get butchered for entertainment was misogynist?”
“…Yeah?”
“Yeah. That’s why I did it. Other Woman doesn’t make me feel bad about watching horror movies.”
This incident had occurred 10 years prior, and this was the first time my ex wife had made any indication that she was even upset about it.
* “After I kissed him I found I wasn’t actually that attracted to him”. It was revealed later that two months after the kiss they met up for physical sex.
* “I love you xxxxx” sent after having the above sex
* “Do you want a hall pass?”
My ears made me do it
Said he was bullied for his ears as a child, hence was forced to behave like a dickhead several decades later. He even sent my parents a lengthy message about it, and then claimed he sent his childhood sitting near the gunsafe. The one phone call we had post d day where I asked him to stop breaking into the house in middle of the night, he again claimed it was his ears that were at fault. I suggested counselling for body dysmorphia, to which he replied that just in the past few days the lifelong issue had miraculously resolved.
Funnily enough never mentioned any of this for the 30 years I had known him.
That may have surpassed bag salad as the dumbest excuse ever.
I’m sure there are many more, but two immediately pop into my mind:
When I was still in the early stages of D-Day, I asked “full of anguish” if he told her he loved her. He said, “I tell EVERYONE I love them!” Which says it all.
And then there was the “You’re extremely smart, but you were never very loving to me.” Code for “your kibble supply was inadequate,” but at the time, I was mystified that all the things I’d done for us in the relationship couldn’t be any more loving.
I got something similar, see my comment above! We’re such cold-hearted oul’ cows, aren’t we?!?
I’m still here, I love you. I have always loved you….I’ve loved her from the neck up long before the neck down! It just happened. It wasn’t a planned “thing”. No planning -just intentional betrayal. He is out of the house via a PFA! What a FW. I’m don’t being emotionally and psychologically abused.
“I don’t remember.”