UBT: My Heart Is Now Open and the Feelings Are Felt

Universal Bullshit Translator

Her cheater has feelings and his feelings are felt. For himself. The Universal Bullshit Translator feasts on this sad sausage.

***

Dear Chump Lady,

I am 2 months post D-Day 2 of being chumped by my supposed partner. Of course after I blew his gig with whore #2, he has now gone back to whore #1 and they constantly rub it in my face on social media.

He never faced me after D-Day 2 (I walked out), nor barely said any apology after I exposed him.

I got a one-liner email and a crappy note.

Would you mind decoding this? It’s clearly written in passive voice, with no real ownership of cheating and no remorse. I’d like to hear your take on it.

Dear Chumpy,

My heart is now open and the strong feelings are felt.
As these words are written tears drop down my eyes more than I can remember.
The suffering I have caused, the hearts that have been broken, the pain is felt.
You are more than words I can write. More home than the feelings of home.
Yet, I cannot have you and this is the truth.
No need for forgiveness or sympathy here,
I am broken beyond repair.
Moving on moving forward.
In the deepest closet in the back of your mind, please please please know, when I see you, I see light.

Always,
Serial Cheater

Chumpy

***

Dear Chumpy,

Wow. This is more than words I can write. The suffering. The strong feelings felt.

Where can the Universal Bullshit Translator begin with such cheater feelings?

It’s like if Monsanto bred cut-rate Valentines with robots, but only gave the robots head injuries, they might speak like this.

BllllrrrrWWWHEEK! Pain. Is. Forward. Hearts! Pain. Truth. Is.

(Other robot) PHHPpppttttWEEEEIsh! Closet. Felt? Deepest!

BllllrrrrWWWHEEK! Drops. Open. Down. My. Sympathy.

I guess I can’t leave it there. You want the UBT to translate this gibberish. Sigh…. Spoiler alert: this guy isn’t very deep.

I am cheater — behold my sad feelings!

(We had to give this free-form verse a title.)

My heart is now open and the strong feelings are felt.

I can’t say what feelings, but they’re strong! And FELT. Those feeling things. That hearts have.

As these words are written tears drop down my eyes more than I can remember.

Who wrote the words? Thousand-year-old monkeys in rooms trapped with typewriters.

Tears drop down my eyes to think of sad, trapped monkeys. Tears from my eyes, as opposed to other body parts. Like elbows or open hearts.

Many tears! More than I can remember. (I don’t remember too good.) But it was a LOT. I felt them!

The suffering I have caused, the hearts that have been broken, the pain is felt.

I am powerful. Behold my awesome kibbles! I break hearts and cause suffering, but I will never write in the active voice. I’d rather you think the pain “felt” is mine. The sad sausage suffers.

You are more than words I can write. More home than the feelings of home.

You are more than words I can write. I use the best words. Words like MORE. And “feelings.”

Yet, I cannot have you and this is the truth.

You dumped me.

I wouldn’t know the truth, even if I was trapped for a thousand years in a room full of sad monkeys with typewriters. And the monkeys wouldn’t let me out until I told the truth. Every time I said “feelings!”, they would concuss me with a typewriter. And fling their poop. Pain would be felt. This is the truth.

No need for forgiveness or sympathy here,

Sad sausages always forgive themselves.

I am broken beyond repair.

There’s always a nugget of truth in the bullshit. This is your nugget.

Moving on moving forward.

Keep on trucking. Turn that frown upside down. If you find a cliche, set it free.

In the deepest closet in the back of your mind, please please please know, when I see you, I see light.

In the deepest closet, in the back, where all the dust bunnies, clutter, and black mold lives? Kon Mari my ass. Please, please, please.

Subscribe
Notify of

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

353 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Patsy
Patsy
7 years ago

Euwwww! Gag!

To think that I fell for that shit once upon a time. Can’t you see my SENSITIVITY!

Wow, he MUST BE DEEEP! There is HOPE and POTENTIAL HERE!

[till the next wham with the insensitive selfish 4×4]

The only feeling these people have, is for themselves.

Margo
Margo
7 years ago
Reply to  Patsy

Gag….this beauty deserved for you to walk up to him and punch him right in the face….that’s what he deserves insulting someone’s intelligence with that bullshit….how fucking dare someone you low life…..

Chumpy
Chumpy
7 years ago
Reply to  Margo

I laughed a good hour. I called some
people and read it to them in a depressing voice that some guy would sound like who thinks they are a poet but really sucks lol

Mary e.
Mary e.
7 years ago
Reply to  Patsy

Geez! Such poetry. How long was it before you finally quit laughing!

Chumpy
Chumpy
7 years ago
Reply to  Mary e.

I laughed a good hour. I called some
people and read it to them in a depressing voice that some guy would sound like who thinks they are a poet but really sucks lol

dumped_chump
dumped_chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpy

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this priceless turd! I haven’t laughed so hard in quite a while. I needed that! If my soon-to-be-ex was to suddenly lose his new love (you know, the younger upgrade he traded me in for), he might come up with something like this in his time of loneliness. Thank you for the translation, so if I were to ever receive anything remotely similar I will know exactly what it means!

Alexandra
Alexandra
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpy

Just reading this made me feel like I have to shower off. Yechhh.

CloserToMeh
CloserToMeh
7 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

This.

WhoamInow
WhoamInow
7 years ago
Reply to  Patsy

Wow – just lost my breakfast and won’t be able to eat lunch. Knowing there are so many jerks out there is disappointing, nauseating, and disgusting. I so wish I could go back in time and start over….

whodoesthat
whodoesthat
7 years ago

Apparently mine had ‘cried all his tears’ just forgot to tell me during the ensuing 20 + years of his eternal suffering . what’s another lie to add to the list? Right to reply ? As I asked for therapy to get get closure on a blindsided occurance ? ‘There s no point my feelings won’t change ‘ NO dummy its me who needs the feelings sorted out !!
? They never get it cos its been about them the whole time . … So why would your feelings come in to it.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  whodoesthat

whodoesthat, X also endured 20 plus years of misery and forgot to inform me of his endless suffering. All those years he suffered in silence knowing I never loved him. All news to me.
I suggested therapy, X said no, he was done, he had made up his mind.
It never crossed his mind how his decision to destroy our family would impact me or our son.
All he thought about was himself. You’re absolutely right, looking back everything revolved around him, X was never concerned about anyone other than himself.
Family conversations were about him, he spent hoursin the mirror.
I’m foolish to have expected anything different.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

Brit, were we married to the same douche bag? Mine also “apparently” suffered for 24 years and “couldn’t” say anything because he “could never” tell me anything. I apparently wouldn’t let him. Say wha’???? The mofo is an attorney who negotiates multi-million dollar deals and screams F’bombs at other lawyers without batting an eye. He was “miserable and hated everything about our kids, our family and home for 10 years and had to fuck other women to deal with his suffering.” Sick fucker. He’ll suffer alone and hated by everyone who knows him now. When he tried his sad sausage crap at trial the Judge snidely told him what he thought of him.

STBX also never thought about anyone but himself. His so called “happiness” (the lust he felt for the current slut at first) was paramount even to our suicidal childrens’ well being. I loathe him now.

StigOfTheChump
StigOfTheChump
7 years ago

That seems to be a key feature from The Cheater’s Playbook: “I TRIED to tell you I was unhappy, but you wouldn’t let me.” Whatever, dick.

dj
dj
7 years ago
Reply to  StigOfTheChump

Same thing here after 29 years of marriage. However, when I discovered he was posting on Craigslist using his picture no less and stating he was married looking for discretion, I knew it was over. Afterward he was telling everyone how unhappy he had been for years. All news to me! He has essentially abandoned his family for his new life. I’m back in school at age 50, picking up the pieces and dealing with all the fallout. As I struggle to pay the bills, he is on yet another vacation. Apparently, back in our hometown showing off his whore. He has no shame. The divorce won’t be finalized until October. It makes me sick to my stomach. He never even called his kids on Christmas. Our oldest called him and he was short with her because he was busy with his whores family. Who does shit like this and where is that karma bus already???

Merry Meh-hem
Merry Meh-hem
7 years ago

Yes, the Crazy is strong with these idiots. My ex had no sympathy for what he did to me or our daughter, bringing his whore AND her kids into the picture barely a week after I fled our home (in the winter, barely 1 month post radiation/ 2 months post chemo, bald and weak, etc – but who’s tabulating?) And if it weren’t for the fact that she was at college and staying at her Sorority, she’d have had to live in the Hoarder’s Paradise with her Dad and his Ho and the gang. Every text from him proclaimed how sad he was, or how bad our marriage was (there was much occillation) but never, NEVER, has he ever expressed sympathy for what he’s done to our daughter. I’m glad she is grown but it has certainly been an adjustment, dealing with a parent who was weak from treatment and trying to recover and a Crazy Wingnut who wants to be your best freaky friend and have you rubber-stamp his deviance. He and his Fetlife whore are made for each other, I thank God every day I’m gone and that my daughter will graduate college and then have her own home with her fiance – and barely have to deal with her crazy father.

theotherwhitemansburden
theotherwhitemansburden
7 years ago

MotherChumper, sounds like my guy too. Except mine was an international do-gooder lawyer — which made it all the more fun to screw prostitutes while working against, among other things, human trafficking. Got paid to talk, yet could not talk at home and decided, subsequent to D-Day, that it was because I would not let him talk to me that he needed to screw dozens and dozens of prostitutes around the world. From the very beginning of our relationship. Also, in a prior relationship — his law school girlfriend also drove him to screw prostitutes because he felt like he could not talk to her.

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago

Wow. That is all kinds of fucked up hypocrisy.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago

Yea Patsy…the shit is so deep here I need galoshes to wade through it and I cant see for the sulfuric stench making my tears drop down, more more…and the smell of shit is more than I can write.

Chumpy
Chumpy
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

The smell of shit is more than i can write!! That got me rolling! Hahaha

whodoesthat
whodoesthat
7 years ago

On the forgive themselves bit mine would say : I could have done things different but once pandoras box was open ….. Blah fuxvkin blah no it was all part of the grand plan cos if u have no conscience tjen anything is possible

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  whodoesthat

Pandora’s open box. Snort!

Chumpy
Chumpy
7 years ago

Dear Chump Lady,
Thank you for decoding my post. The monkeys and typewriters brought a laugh to me this morning. Oh and the black mold in the closet lol where i shall stufff the memories of this horrific serial cheater next to. But in all seriousness when I received this note 3 days after DD2 I actually laughed despite the shock I was in. I read it and all I could do was laugh and say what? What? What is this? It was enclosed with a sticker. Yeah a sticker. It’s like the John Cusack movie ” I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen” replaced with “i gave him my heart and he gave me a sticker.” Thanks for pointing out the kibbles, sad sausage of feeling only HIS supposed pain and forgiving himself! Notice there was not not one direct sentence to me at all about my pain, my suffering. When he says heart(s) i guessing he speeaks of gig#2 as well as I suspect she didnt know. After 2.5 years and breaking up a pseudo family I get a sh** note and a sticker. Thanks CL!
Chumpy

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpy

Chumpy, please, please block these dimwits on social media. You know anything they post is impression management, just as this letter is. Getting to Meh depends on getting away from the mindfuck.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpy

This might work for the annual Bad Hemmingway Contest.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Ha! Next Friday’s challenge should be the first paragraph of a cheater-“It was a dark and stormy night” story.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Love the idea Tempest. There is a lot of creativity here.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

He cried. And he cried. And he cried. And he cried. He cried down his eyes. And he cried.

-From The Old Man and The Me

NotThisGirl
NotThisGirl
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Survivor- that would be amazing! ?

This Chump medicated for your protection
This Chump medicated for your protection
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpy

Damn …
When I read that I pictured him with a man bun or ponytail stomping out of the house with a box full of hair and skin products.

All you have to do to diagnose an NPD is hand them a pad and pencil. They all have the same writing style!

You are the sane one.
You will be OK !

KB22
KB22
7 years ago

This Chump…Love your description! One tidbit of advice my mother gave to me many, many years ago (and her grandmother gave to her) was never marry a man that you had to fight over the mirror. Chumpy’s ex does sound like a “man” that goes overboard in the grooming department. He’s just another asswipe that fancies himself being ever so profound. Yuck.

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago

Absolutely! Do they all fancy themselves to be poets? Mine does. Glad I kept his sad sausage letters for laughs…

NotThisGirl
NotThisGirl
7 years ago

I think all of them fancy themselves great writers and poets! Mine was so full of bullshit love letters that just went on and on. So drawn out and over the top. He thinks he is Shakespeare. These fuckers love to hear themselves talk.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
7 years ago
Reply to  NotThisGirl

Some are so far from poets it is not even funny. They still use words to try to get the outcome they want and to mess with your minds.

One of my favorite texts was STBX with one of his empty apologies of “I’m sorry I did not keep my vowels.” It’s vows, dumb ass. He was trying to get me to fix what he damaged with his kids at the time. Therefore, just words meant to get what he wanted without any real remorse (just incorrect use of those words;)

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

FCK! WHT DD H D WTH TH CNSNNTS?

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

Lol, Kiwichump! Well-played!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

Mine peppered his letters with references to Tolstoy and quotes from Shakespeare. Personal favorite was his attempt to convince me of his “unconditional love” (in contrast to my unforgiving nature after I threw him out), “love alters not when it alteration finds.”

LMAO, he had spent over two decades trying to criticize me into perfection, and now tries to convince me that he is the noble one? Good riddance.

Lady Lazarus
Lady Lazarus
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest, does he really not know that the next line from Shakespeare’s sonnet is ‘or bends with the remover to remove’??? In other words, when potential APs come knocking you DON’T say yes, please. Unbelievable.

Calmafterstorm
Calmafterstorm
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpy

A sticker – you can’t mention he gifted you a sticker without telling us what it was.

Was the sticker stuck on the letter by his signature? Or did it still have it’s paper backing so that you could stick it over your heart and remember the Sadz he had that one time?

I’m betting it was My Little Pony. Or maybe a Valentine Heart that said ‘U MAD?’.

I. Must. Know.!!

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

How about an “I Voted” sticker … like I voted with my feet!!

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Lol

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Yes!

Chumpy Chumpy Chump Chump UK
Chumpy Chumpy Chump Chump UK
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

After almost 28 years I didn’t even get a sticker. I now want a sticker so I’m adding to the let me down list…. no sticker.

Drew
Drew
7 years ago

LOL. Ex’s sticker would have been of the National Masters Racquetball Association (he met his “twu love” playing racquetball). Let me see, Crap in bed, fungus feet, HIV tests, and the inability to tell the truth. Winning!

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

Scratch and sniff: sad sausage scent.

LaughingSquirrel
LaughingSquirrel
7 years ago

Their is a market for “Sad Sausage Scent”, how about “Blubbering Bratwurst”, “Whining Weiner”, “Dispondent Drisheen”, “Out of Sorts Salami”, “Cheerless Chorizo”, “Pensive Pepperoni” (the internet and snarkiness make this way to easy)

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

for discerning palates.

Lady Lazarus
Lady Lazarus
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

There already is a sad sausage scent. It’s the smell of Cialis being sweated out through stale middle-aged pores.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago

LOL!!! 🙂

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago

I’ll bet he has a Barbie Doll bandaid over his heart!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

Lol!

Beth
Beth
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpy

We HAVE to know what was on the sticker. Please?

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Beth

I keep checking back…if I dont find out what the sticker was, I may implode

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

We are now reaching ‘Critical Mass’…..
Reveal the Sticker!!!
Please….The fate of the Universe now hangs in the balance :0

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  ForgeOn!

Flailing on the ground in despair of no sticker reveal…arms are limp and weak
Moaning is heard…tears are falling, falling

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

My last words “sticker…?”
?

honeyandthehomewrecker
honeyandthehomewrecker
7 years ago

Was it a lenticular Scooby Doo Valentine sticker? Because then his shitty goodbye letter/4th grade poetry contest entry would make more sense.

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpy

A sticker? For real??
Please, please, please describe the sticker!!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpy

Do tell, Chumpy, what was it the sticker? One of those wildlife stickers pediatricians give kids who don’t cry during a vaccination? A Care Bear sticker? Mutant Ninja Turtles? A rainbow?

Thank you for your service; tolerating that shallow puddle of a human being for as many years as you did was an act of charity. Hope you’re doing better now.

BetrayedNoMore
BetrayedNoMore
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  BetrayedNoMore

Yep.

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

It has to have a cliche “If you love something let it go. If it’s meant to be it will return to you.”

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

Or going off of the depth of this total fucktard more likely

“I like turtles” ?

It’s amazing the depth and capacity of my hate for the human species. I’m somehow shocked almost every time I read CL. And I just want you all to know HOW MUCH I despise all of your cheaters. I’m sad for myself and hurt and I get hateful at my own cheater but man I REALLY hate these people you all tell stories about. They are all so pathetic and disgusting. ?

Chumpy
Chumpy
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Sad Shelby – im sorry you are hurting but your “i like turtles” gave me a great chuckle this morning. If anything you helped a fellow Chump today:)

Gail
Gail
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpy

My ex went into a toddler tantrum when he found out I donated his childhood book (Yertle the Turtle) to my son’s school! Do you think this might have been a RED ⛳️! I was such a CHUMP back then?

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpy

Not to toot my own horn too much but IRL I’m funny AF I think it’s my best feature TBH. And something that I feel proud of more than pretty much anything. If I can make someone laugh a little it makes me feel so good. I’m glad I could make you smile. That is one of the worst parts of all of this. I have a tendency towards depression and anxiety, just because I’ve always kind of been that way but I would say baseline I’m a Pollyanna always wanting to believe in the fairytale and the happy ending and all that. But since it happened I seriously just feel so sad and unhappy and dead inside. It terrifies me that I’ll always be broken and sad and I hope it isn’t so. Thanks for letting me know I gave you a little laugh

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Yea, Im totally with Tempest…what is on the sticker?

CL was also right about the truth nugget, he IS broken beyond repair.

How I envy those who got the chance to tell the Cheater that they have overplayed their hand…Im sure if I had lived it, it wouldn’t have been as satisfying as my imagination makes it, but I still like to imagine.

Chumpy
Chumpy
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Unicorn- i wish i had the opportunity to blow up his gig again bc I got so many good ideas later on. I did blow it up publically (prob not my finest moment) but i still did it with class imo. When i found out I calmly left the house, didnt say a word about it. Eight hrs later is when I let shit hit the fan on FB. He has a public image and i know i embarassed the shit out of him. Good. He’s lucky I didnt post worse!! I save that in my back pocket though if needed:)

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I think one problem that too many Chumps have is that we get so used to them lying that they may very well speak a truth and we don’t hear them…were too busy fixing everything.

I got into a massive “SAVE THIS MARRIAGE AT ALL COSTS!!” mentality that he said horrible shit to me in the wake of D day and I didnt listen or realize that he meant it.

One day after I learned of OW, he said to me “For years I hoped that someone who would love you would come along and steal you away” (he wanted me gone but didnt want the smear of dumping his wife, if I had run off with someone it would have fixed everything). I thought he was talking shit like when he said “OW loves me more than you do!” or “OW is better than you because she eats vegetables for breakfast”.

So in there somewhere, there was truth I would have benefitted from if I had let myself realize it was true….he wanted to get rid of me for YEARS.

When we were engaged, he said he wanted to “postpone” the wedding because I was still in love with Craig. I didn’t love Craig. What I didnt hear is “I want to postpone the wedding” (until I can run like hell since I dont want to get married but Im too much of a coward to admit it since I told you many times that we would get married).

When we first married, he told me “you are in love with an image” …I told him he was silly. I thought he meant that I loved him only because he went to a fancy school or fit some demographic. I didnt realize that he was warning me that he wasnt what he presented himself out to be.

Sometimes they tell us the Gospel Truth – we need to listen.

honeyandthehomewrecker
honeyandthehomewrecker
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Merry Meh-hem…yes you are very much better off! And I LOVE your name. Speaking of the gospel truth…it can look just like all of the other nebulous BS when you’re being gas-lighted. Mine dropped little truth nuggets like deer pellets on the rug. I could neither smell it or see them amongst the ginormous bear and elephant shits I was already wading through. Little flowers grew up out of it. I mistook them for truths. They were merely a side effect of a well-fertilized house of lies.

I don’t really know how I just got off track with my poop analogy, but the point I wanted to make was about how hard it can be to decipher these things among the lies and especially until after the fact, after D-Day. Now, I see them all clearly in their crap-emblazoned glory. Aaaand I’m back to poop analogies.

The morning after D-Day, mine was having a fit of some kind on the edge of the bed. So of course chumpy me goes over and hands him a glass of water and rubs his back. Here! I just learned you’re cheating on me with a stripper, that you’re moving out of state to be with her, and I’m on my own with our 1 & 2 year old babies, but drink up! I need a time machine to go back and tell myself to STOP BEING SUCH A CHUMP. But I needed hope, because BABIES.

So as I hand him the water and put my hand on his back, I say ‘Honey, this person is a stranger. She has nothing to do with us. Let’s go to counseling and FIX this.’ He stands up, flings my arm off his back with indignance and shouts ‘I can’t be with YOU! I can’t be with anyone. I need to just go get an apartment by myself and figure out what in the hell is wrong with me!’ Spoiler alert: he moved in with HomeWrecker the next day. CL is right – when they show you that they suck, BELIEVE THEM. I believe it with all my heart now, and though he is pathologically committed to being the nice guy in everyone’s eyes, I am having none of it. He can drop the schtick and save all of that lovely manure for HomeWrecker.

Merry Meh-hem
Merry Meh-hem
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Mine told me a lot of Gospel Truth, had I chosen to pay attention. It was difficult to sift the Truth from everything he said, liberally seasoned with bull$h!T as it was (who needs Mrs. Dash?) but I should have kept my radar on and my defenses up.
He told me these bald truths before backpedaling: “I never wanted a wife and a child,”
When I asked why he didn’t just honestly break up with me (okay, divorce me) when we knew we were finished, right before my cancer (instead of the whoring, etc) his response was, “Well, I couldn’t just kick you out!”. Impression Management, much?
One of the last nuggets of truth I got from him was, “I’m just so broken; maybe you’re better off without me. I am a dark soul anymore,”
Hell o the Yes on that!!! Much better off!!

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

The stupid part about him wanting someone to love you and steal you away is that if this guy existed you WOULDN’T HAVE GONE! Because you aren’t a fucking robot monster like your ex is. You could have met the real true actual God given SOULMATE and you wouldn’t have been swept away by him. Because you made a vow and you stuck to it! Sure you may have met this amazing perfect man and then eventually considered this guy is way better than my husband. And my relationship sucks and now I’d like out to try at a new life. But he hoped you’d do the same thing to him that he did to you?! It’s so twisted and sick their thinking! A real adult realizes this relationship isn’t working for me. And then you get divorced. Like actual human beings! OR you don’t freaking say to someone “let’s get married” and then just keep going for 20 years or something! WTF is wrong with them?! (Obviously more than can ever be fixed but SERIOUSLY!)

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Exactly Sad Shelby, Early in our marriage X was unemployed for over two years, during that time he got fat, and depressed. Leaving him for someone who had a job never entered my mind.
A married person makes a conscious choice to have a relationship with another person. They’e not under a hypnotic trans that suddenly overtakes them.

Cheaters aren’t happy and blame us for their unhappiness. They become hyper-critical to justify their decision to cheat. Once made they’re actively searching.
Cheaters don’t accidentally cheat, there’s no excuse or justification.
What it comes down to is their character and integrity of which they have neither.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

exactly right!! If Mr Soulmate came along, I would have done the decent and noble thing and told him I was married and committed to my whole family which included Major Cheaterpants.

At one point, I actually prayed to God that if a perfect guy were out there, one who I might be tempted to cheat with, that he be kept far from me so that I wouldnt hurt my family any more than had already happened.

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

A decent man would never pursue a married woman.
I worked with a great guy when I was first married. We got along great but he changed shifts and eventually moved on to another job. Years later another coworker told me that “Ted” had a crush on me. I said “I had no idea.” He said “of course you didn’t. You were married. He never would have said anything to you.” Why? Because I was married. And he was a good man who would never have put me in an uncomfortable situation.

Drew
Drew
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Ditto! Who the fuck at year 20+!?!?!? Ex had plenty of opportunities…. But to screw over your kids as well? What a fuck.ing legacy!

QueenB
QueenB
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Unicornomore, I believe this to be extremely accurate. It seems so many of these men are cowardly, and their way of dealing with things is dropping little crumbs of information over the years, hoping their wives take the hint. But many of us are so frightened of the possibility, we immediately go on the defensive…the “pick me” dance when something deep in our gut tells us things aren’t quite right…so we focus instead on all of our perceived shortcomings, and all the way that we will become enough, instead of paying attention to what they are trying to say in their own gutless ways. Ironically, I believe that once caught, many men panic and try and pretend they are something they are not. Instead of being brave, and leaving, allowing their wives to find men who actually do love and respect them, they are ultimately too concerned with impression management. Sadly, these same men will continue to be serial cheaters while their wives continue to put their heads in the sand and believe them. Terribly sad, awfully pathetic, and so much more common than we might all imagine.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  QueenB

QueenB, yes…cowardly to an extreme. Interesting too…if I had ever called him a coward to his face when he was alive, it would have hurt him to his bones, but I never did…I was very kind and fair…I also had no idea as to how big of a coward he was.

He had assured me, repeatedly, over the course of our courtship that we would marry and have a family…trouble was very non committal as to when …he gave a nebulous, confusing answers when asked. At first that was OK but then his military career took him to live other places. So I had a boyfriends of 3 years who I loved and we would marry “someday”, somewhere when something happened…in the mean time, I was supposed to invest in my career in my own home town that I would later trash when we married and I moved all the time. He said “we CANT get married” but all our friends were.

I was considering moving to live with him (very hard and looked down upon in the military at that time) but changed my mind… it was sink or swim time. I told him I was ready to move on if he wasn’t ready to commit. At the time we lived in separate states, I had a job, apt, car…I was fine. If he said “I will not marry you” I would have cried and gone out with someone else. He was too weak though…we married and he had the best scapegoat ever….best reason to fuck over a wife ever..”you MADE me get married”. cowardly fucker…all he had to say was “no”.

flutterby
flutterby
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Uni, ” He was too weak though…we married and he had the best scapegoat ever….best reason to fuck over a wife ever..”you MADE me get married”. cowardly fucker…all he had to say was “no”.”
Same thing with x. My daughter calls him the “child bride” because he whined so much about being “made” to marry me. Cowards and con artists is what they are, always looking for the best return in their “investment” wanting someone to love them but not actually committing to the vows.

QueenB
QueenB
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

When you are in the throes of a life meltdown with a pathological liar and serial cheater, it feels like you are the only one in the world. What has amazed me since finding this site is what I once found so incredibly unique (certainly not in a good way) is anything but. I read these posts, and I almost feel like someone must have handed out a playbook to all interested in leading a double life. They all have a great deal in common. We all have our unique twists to be sure, but even the compartmentalizing thing rings a very common bell. My partner was born and raised in a foreign country, and then left after college to work in Paris for a couple of years. He had such anxiety leaving his family that at the ripe old age of 21, he saw a counselor in Paris to help him cope with the stress of it all. He said the counselor taught him how to “compartmentalize” his life in order to deal with the stress and anxiety. Little did I know then that it is also a great life skill to have when you are juggling lies and women. This is why I also sincerely believe that reconciliation is a joke. How anyone could look a serial cheater of 20 years in the face and believe them that “this time” they will stop… absolutely astounds me. I have worked with two women who went through a cheating discovery, both of whom stayed because their husbands cried and groveled, assured them that it would never happen again. Divorce is difficult, but it’s nothing compared to committing…committing to be disrespected, lied to and played for the rest of your days. How exactly does one go about staring into the face of a confirmed liar, serial cheater, and master of compartmentalizing, and believe, with even one shred of their brain, that it will ever stop? I suppose, it is a twisted version of the pick me dance. As in, see, he is staying… he must love me, he must want me, surely he respects me. And though nothing surprises me anymore, it still makes me ill what evil, soul less bastards they are.

Drew
Drew
7 years ago
Reply to  QueenB

I never knew my ex was cheating, until the day he stated he wanted a divorce. Then of course everything over the last few years made a sick kind of sense. We had just pulled though a difficult family trauma but I believe he “lived the lie” because I was worthy and our family made his life beautiful. We were darn near perfect.? I provided him the facade to hide behind. I believe our marriage blew up because his life spun out of control and his AP gave him an ultimatum. He already knew what my choice would be (we had had that discussion when we were dating). When he asked me for a divorce it was out of the blue, we had just returned from a very expensive family vacation where he was, of course, an absolute asshole (this too escalated over time) but still pretending to be Mr. Nice Guy around everybody else. Looking back he had been steadily disengaging. I was trusting though, extremely competent, loved him, and stupidly believed he was going through something. I was secure though. Smug. He had pursued me for many years before we married. I am a great caring warm woman, not a model though. I didn’t suspect he was unhappy with me (himself maybe, his job, not being good enough in a sport he loved) until that last year (devalue phase) but I didn’t think he would ever destroy us. It is what he did though. While He was a great father and a good partner in those early years, he often inexplicably made selfish (hurtful to me) choices and those pointed to an inability to place others’ needs before his own. Sometimes I was okay with that, I didn’t want a partner telling me what to do all the time and I wasn’t always going to agree with all his decisions. Later we did not enjoy the same people (his crowd at the racquetball gym were a crappy immoral bunch) and he slowly carved out a very compartmentalized life. He did not spend a great deal of time at home. Not unusual though. Our family was one part, work another, and his racquetball life another. The kids and I went to the gym in the early years but he grew more uncomfortable with us there. One of the kids recently stated that they “should have been pros with a father who spent as much time as he did at the club.” Over the years what he wanted to do became more about him doing it alone and without us, the kids and I. Of course I attributed his crappy behavior to life challenges (work, deaths in the family, moves, every day stresses, good things and bad), and him needing time to unwind but who the fuck blows up a life? I wasn’t unaware so much as busy. Every time he had a choice, he always chose what he wanted. Looking back, odd decisions of his over the last few years should have signaled he was checking out, fucking someone else, and planning to blow up our marriage. Very few hours at home. Big crazy purchases. Financial decisions that didn’t make sense. Crappy behavior, disrespect, devaluing, belittling behavior those last few years (of a 26 year relationship). In spite of it all I didn’t see it coming. But one thing I know is that it is on him. If he was unhappy with ME, unattracted to me, unhappy with being a father, then he should have told me. And sooner than year 20 of marriage.

GorillaPoop
GorillaPoop
7 years ago
Reply to  Drew

Tennis. My ex-cheater played 4 hours of tennis 4 nights a week. I worked my ass off to subsidize his career as an underpaid paid public defender. When he quit me, he quit the public defender’s office too, so he could make more money. Good riddance. Now I am just as alone but I am no longer lonely, and me and the kids have lots more time and money to enjoy ourselves.

Elizabeth Phan
Elizabeth Phan
7 years ago
Reply to  Drew

Oh my goodness, you’re so right. I truly sympathize with you. Your post hits so close to home.

Mine bought a two-sweater convertible and then proceeded to total it. He couldn’t afford the huge, red SUV that he replaced it with either. There’s some karma in life though, he was side swiped a week after D-Day and is sleeping in this car after being homeless. He could have stayed with his mom, but she has no hot water or heat. His mom is also pretty angry at him because she was going to ask us (by that I mean me) for a loan/gift to pay these bills. She obviously can’t now since he cheated. I can’t believe I was going to take care of him and his horrible family for the rest of my life.

Kimhopes
Kimhopes
7 years ago
Reply to  Drew

Drew, mine did tell me he was unhappy a few years before D-day. Every suggestion I made to him about trying to help himself he knocked back. He was horrible to me the last few years because they are lazy and want someone else to do all the work. I am unhappy – you fix it. I am unhappy – you leave so I can play the sympathy card. My response now is you are a dick – good riddance.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Drew

Yes, exactly the same start to my story…I knew he was an asshole, but he was MY asshole. I had NO IDEA that he was cheating at the time and wildly had no idea he had cheated before. (Realizing how easy it was for him to pull off the last affair is a huge clue to his long term cheating…if he werent an expert by then, he would likely have been caught).

Your words exactly…crappy, disrespecting, belittling and still thought he would never cheat and never leave…when the truth came out everything suddenly made perfect sense in the saddest, most pathological way.

When the kids were little, he got into graduate school…it was a 2.5 yr program so we sold our house and moved as a family..he told me to just stay behind and he would return in 2.5 years…that sounded so absurd to me I ignored it completely. During the move, he did everything he could to sabotage us joining him while simultaneously trying to look like he was working towards the goal of getting us there. I had strange ailments while we lived there…I now see my body was lashing out at the stress. He was trying to get us to leave because fuckfest.

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I have to say before this I was never an arguer. (Sad sausage time for me) I get overwhelmed with emotion and totally melt down when I’m fighting. I just can’t get out what I’m trying to say because I just bawl my eyes out and have to stop. But since d-day I’ve found my arguement voice and really gave it a good workout. And we’ve been back and forth SO MUCH with his same stupid excuses and sad sausage bullshit that I’ve been able to really give it to him sometimes. And it does feel good. It feels particularly good to call him on his bullshit. He says things that he later says “I didn’t say that! You’re twisting my words!”

Text fighting is particularly obnoxious BUT he went on a rant about how he cheated FOR me! So he could be nicer and stay in our marriage! See whoremat was nice and made him feel good about himself. Wifey was evil and made him feel bad about himself. So by telling whoremat how amazing and understanding and perfect she was, then fucking whoremat he was really doing ME a favor! When I mentioned it was REALLY nice and selfless of him to go whore fucking Just For Me he got pissed that I was “twisting his words”. Until I screenshot EXACTLY what he said to me and then somehow he had no response about word twisting.

Apparently being fucking NICE to your WIFE instead of some FUCKING WHORE was beyond his comprehension. Happy wife equals happy life. But somehow not all that happy wife still managed to be cheerful and loving and bring him gifts and bake him fucking cookies and make his fucking dinner ? But unhappy STBX could only WALLOW in his own fucking pity and WAAAAAHHHHH to that WHORE and throw away EVERYTHING because he just Couldn’t Take It Anymore. ?

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

“I am broken beyond repair.”–Chumpy’s Cheater

I agree with CL and you, Unicornomore. When they spew a bunch of hot air and verbiage about “their” supposed pain and suffering at being found out, there is often a nugget of truth in all the steaming pile.

In a long monologue defending his “need” to cheat he said, “Look, I know I’m fucked up.”

Basically, this was the only true statement that came out of his mouth in regards to his cheating.

Maybe we could have a Nuggets of Truth post where we share these gems? Like after overindulging in heavy food and drink on a bender and then eating a single carrot is going to make things balanced. Cheaters’ thinking is so skewed.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

I asked for a divorce after finding out about X’s affair from 8 years prior. He asked me to reconsider as “I was an asshole 8 years ago, I’m not an asshole now.” He was 1/2 right.

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

What is the half-life of assholeishness?

Merry Meh-hem
Merry Meh-hem
7 years ago

Lol! Yes, what is the half-life of assholeishness? Enquiring minds want to know! ?

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

Mine said: “Muse, I was a twisted person when you met me, and I’m still a twisted person.” Truer words he never spoke.

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

So, either way Muse, you get the blame: for not choosing a better, untwisted person, or, for not being able to fix him.

DunChumpin
DunChumpin
7 years ago

What always struck me about these moments of sadz, is they all think it’s so deep. As we all know, since they have no soul or depth, they must get this understanding from others. That’s right, their OThings probably help them churn this shit out. You can almost hear their voices if you listen close. Best of luck with your freedom.

flutterby
flutterby
7 years ago
Reply to  DunChumpin

I agree that the OThing “helps” the cheater realize who they really are. Unfortunately the cheater is all about impression management and won’t go with some semblance of being an actual adult human and the games begin.

WhoamInow
WhoamInow
7 years ago
Reply to  DunChumpin

It is sooo deep to them – cause they’re like a puddle in south Texas in the middle of August! Don’t cha know???

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago

Wow! My cheater sent me a message yesterday with nearly identical content and I was just going to ask the UBT to translate it but Chumpy’s cheater has already done the job for me.

But my cheater also wrote: “You didn’t marry the wrong guy. You married a guy who just did some wrong. But who did a most things right. The day you understand this difference maybe we can be friends in some way.”

“Just” did some wrong…

Cheater is very nervous because we are about to go before a judge to see how our assets will be split because he can’t come up with a fair settlement.

Giddy Eagle
Giddy Eagle
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Omg!! Mine said he’s not a bad person, he’s just done bad things. No — when you purposely lie, deceive, cheat and steal FOR YEARS it means you’re more than Abbas person. You’re evil, cruel, selfish and an asshole.

Oh, and he also used to say that he may not be the perfect husband, but better than most. Wrong again!

How delusional.

NotThisGirl
NotThisGirl
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

You nailed it Giddy Eagle! Mine told me the exact same thing too! He even went so far and said I am not a liar, that is just your opinion. Oh I’m sorry, I thought fucking some whore behind my back and lying for months about your whereabouts equals lying. The more I am on champ lady, the more I realize these guys are all the same. None of them are special or different. It’s actually quite eerie how similar these assholes are to one another!

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  NotThisGirl

“Sometimes I think I might be a bad person.” #MIGHTbe??? #naileditonthefirsttry

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  NotThisGirl

“According to you, Muse, I am a liar and a cheat.” #accordingtoyouractions

“You can’t deny me my truth.” #alternatefacts

“I wish I could come over there and put all your pain in a big black plastic trash bag.” #gofuckyourselfasshole

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

“I am not a perfect man by any means.” #I’m an asshole who let you support me for sixteen years while I fucked everything that moved.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

“I wish I could do all the things with you I do with her.”

#idontdodrugs

Mandie101
Mandie101
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

She was there for me during the most difficult time of my life.

#legswideopen

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  NotThisGirl

Mine said over and over “I am a good man, just a bad husband.”

KB22
KB22
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Clear Waters..he’s buttering you up before going to court, please do not fall for his nonsense. Stay strong and focused on what you deserve. Right now I have two extremely toxic employees that are kissing my ass because their review is coming up shortly. Yes, they think I’m stupid and yes they think they are quite clever. They’re in for a rude awakening.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Friends in “some way” … that would be the NO WAY kind of way!

Beth
Beth
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

“maybe we can be friends in some way” … that involves me getting laid whenever and wherever I want and you providing me lotz of kibbles.

Go fuck yourself and your “friendship” dude. Ugh. They just suck so much.

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

UBT mini translation:
some wrong = things I got caught for
most things right = the way I managed my image
the day you understand the difference = when you forget about what a douchebag I am

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago

Just the cheater’s address changes…

NotThisGirl
NotThisGirl
7 years ago

Brilliant Louisvilleflower!

Shit bag wife
Shit bag wife
7 years ago

Love this – perfect.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

” “Just” did some wrong…”

Yea, right. Mine said “I had a bad moment”

You order coffee in a “moment” …he had at least 3 affairs (likely more) and travelled with OW extensively fucking in hotels all over the country and returning home to drive his family to Catholic Mass on Sunday.

“moment” fuck him and his moment and fuck yours who “just did some wrong” …Im sure that is what ax murderers say

Traffic_Spiral
Traffic_Spiral
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

‘Yea, right. Mine said “I had a bad moment”’

The sex was really that quick?

Little Mighty Me
Little Mighty Me
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

A “moment?” Yes, I had a moment, too. A really loooooong moment. A Fuck-You-I Hope-You-Die-A-Painful-And-Lingering-Death-Alone-In-The-Dark moment. Then I had another moment. I’m still having it. It is my I AM MIGHTY WITHOUT YOU moment.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Ha! X said they ‘got a little too close….’
Hmmm, too close, as in, having BSDM sex repeatedly? Yes, I think that’s too close to the neighbor FYI!

nomar
nomar
7 years ago

Yeah, this tool “feels strong feelings” they way my schnauzer solves difficult calculus problems. Not. Capable. But “seethes over lost kibbles” and “resents consequences” sound a lot less like the lyrics of a soft-Rock hit by Bread in 1974. Stay gone, Mr. Strong-Feelz. #nofeelings

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago

His heart is now open. He could start his very own jewelry line with an attached greeting card.

flutterby
flutterby
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

And stickers, don’t forget the stickers!!!!

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  flutterby

???

Newlady15
Newlady15
7 years ago

Too busy giggling to write a real reply

Shadowfire
Shadowfire
7 years ago

Working for an utility company, I’ve been to one of our sewage plants. Standing on top of the treatment facility stunk less than that gibberish.

brit
brit
7 years ago

He’s not only sensitive he’s a poetic…
Heart wrenching, made tears drop down my eyes, from laughing so hard.
Wow, a modern day Shakespeare.
ahh.., this next line really choked me up,
His heart is open and the pain is felt.., alas, no sympathy, no forgiveness.., no, not for me.

“I am broken beyond repair” moving on, moving forward.
Correction, he’s moved on and moved forward.
In the deepest closet, way, way, way, far back, I see the light.
Isn’t that a religious song, I saw the light? Praise the Lord, I walked in darkness, clouds covered me,
Praise the Lord I saw the light, now I am happy, now I am free..,
Might not be the exact words.
Save a copy of this letter, this will be a source of entertainment for you someday. It’s hysterical.

Moving-Right-Along...
Moving-Right-Along...
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

I think someone has been going to the local cafe on open mic poetry reading evening. Probably with his latest squeeze who he’s trying to impress by being ‘deep’. What a loser! They write this type of crap to impress themselves and remind themselves what an amazing person they are for ‘caring’ and ‘feeling sorry’ enough to write drivel like this and send it to their victim. He is a shameless joke!

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago

That fake poetry crap was literally making me feel queasy. BUT if you say it William Shatner/slam poetry style somehow that makes it funny. Now I can picture that pathetic cheater with his man bun and his goatee in a black cape in a coffee shop telling the world about his deep and tortured soul. ??? Fuck him and the whore he rode in on!

Pearshaped
Pearshaped
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Now there’s an image I want Chump Lady to draw. The horror….the horror….

Mandie101
Mandie101
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

They really are all the same. …

ANC
ANC
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Alice cooper????

Attie
Attie
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

I think the tears were running down my legs (sorry to be a bit crude). That was so funny!

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Jeanne Robertson is a humorist that tells a funny story about nude bungee jumping and ends it with, “that’s when my water broke, and I wasn’t even pregnant.”

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago

For STBX “More home than the feeling of home” has been a hard lesson. Part of my strength is the realization that for me and my kids, I AM HOME. I am safety, comfort, love, strength, holidays, affection and protection. And the small hole he left when I finally pushed him all the way out out my home is getting tinier every day. He is a life sized cardboard cutout of a person. He will never be 3 dimensional. I will always be “home”.

Nikki Lynn
Nikki Lynn
7 years ago

Brilliantly said, L’villflower.

Moving-Right-Along...
Moving-Right-Along...
7 years ago

I love that! My children and I are stuck in a foreign country (for the moment) where we all moved to help daddy’s career. But I am ‘home’ for them. And wherever we end up, home for them is where I am – the strong, consistent, loyal, loving parent.

ChumpionSAHM
ChumpionSAHM
7 years ago

Yes, my gosh, this is so true. One of my more chumptastic fears post dday is that the kids would somehow gravitate towards cheater boy, who can deliver big expensive things to them. I’m not popping for three hundred dollar sunglasses, tickets to pricey sporting events and concerts, or getaways for which the price of the plane tickets alone is truly stunning. I’m not now and never will be hugely sparkly. My best friend told me from the start not to worry, and as with so much in life, she was right. I was the only real and present parent all along, and I am home. They will get things from him–and I don’t begrudge them that–but when they need to talk, breathe, get a hug, be accompanied through the various emotional and ethical challenges and crises life brings, they come to me. Cheater boy is jealous of that, so much so that he recently told me that it is my “responsibility” to tell them that at least half the blame for the “failure of our marriage” (always that telltale plural pronoun when blame shifting is afoot). He wants the easy laughter, the spontaneous hugs, the mutual trust and respect, and all of the things I have with them, but will never grasp that these things are the result of a lifetime of effort, caring, and sheer proximity. I put them first. I listened. I offered advice and sometimes correction as needed. I made boatloads of mistakes and apologized for them. I accepted their apologies and helped the figure out how to navigate their own mistakes with integrity. I can’t buy endless sparkles–and would not, even if I could. He can’t buy love, but will try to do so forever, never grasping why that’s a project doomed to failure.

ChumpionSAHM
ChumpionSAHM
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpionSAHM

Hmm. Trying that again, with the unfinished sentence completed.

Yes, my gosh, this is so true. One of my more chumptastic fears post dday is that the kids would somehow gravitate towards cheater boy, who can deliver big expensive things to them. I’m not popping for three hundred dollar sunglasses, tickets to pricey sporting events and concerts, or getaways for which the price of the plane tickets alone is truly stunning. I’m not now and never will be hugely sparkly. My best friend told me from the start not to worry, and as with so much in life, she was right. I was the only real and present parent all along, and I am home. They will get things from him–and I don’t begrudge them that–but when they need to talk, breathe, get a hug, be accompanied through the various emotional and ethical challenges and crises life brings, they come to me. Cheater boy is jealous of that, so much so that he recently told me that it is my “responsibility” to tell them that at least half the blame for the “failure of our marriage” (always that telltale plural pronoun when blame shifting is afoot) lies with me. He wants the easy laughter, the spontaneous hugs, the mutual trust and respect, and all of the things I have with them, but will never grasp that these things are the result of a lifetime of effort, caring, and sheer proximity. I put them first. I listened. I offered advice and sometimes correction as needed. I made boatloads of mistakes and apologized for them. I accepted their apologies and helped the figure out how to navigate their own mistakes with integrity. I can’t buy endless sparkles–and would not, even if I could. He can’t buy love, but will try to do so forever, never grasping why that’s a project doomed to failure.

Can
Can
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpionSAHM

ChumpionSAHM

You might like to know I went to have my hair cut yesterday for the first time since DDay. My colourist and stylist both know me well and were shocked to hear my news.
As he did my hair my colourist was telling me that he (26) is a child of divorce. As he spoke about it then and how he feels now – he made me feel so much better. He said that he always saw him mom as his parent, his dad was there but always out for himself. His mom packed lunches, drive him to football, listened to him, knew him. His dad by all accounts led her a merry dance before she divorced him. Now he gets on ok with his dad. They have a good relationship but he really loves his mom. He can see all his dads faults and terrible flaws and keeps his emotional and psychological distance. With his mom he is truly himself.
So I have been talking to my 21 year old who wants to have a relationship with his dad but can’t look at him yet and is worried about how I feel. My STBX is not going to ever have the privilege of that kind of relationship with his sons.
You are spot on in what you said and my colourist confirmed it.
My stylist was like CL effing and blinding and being shocked but hilariously funny in suggested revenge scenarios.

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago
Reply to  Can

???

CAN?????

Capricorn!!!!

Is that a Freudian slip. If I laugh any more today I’m going to need surgery. I’m going to blow my hernia repair!!

ChumpionSAHM
ChumpionSAHM
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

You are the Capricorn who Can! ? Yup, the part about their relationship with them is rough. They do and will have one, but it is fraught with inner conflict and peril. My son has told me that he works to keep the relationship while keeping the dangers in mind: dad never admits fault and cannot apologize, dad gives money and things because that’s all he knows how to give, dad does not have the emotional depths we usually expect in a relationship with a fellow human. Sigh. But, yup, still their dad. No getting around that.

PF
PF
7 years ago

UBT

Me…me….me….these are real onion tears….you know onions make me cry
Don’t forgive me….I know that you know I forgive you for not forgiving me
Meeeeeee….. Mmeeee…damn these onions are burning my eyes
I’m broken….broken like a tank truck that ran you over and you dented my fender when I ran you over
It’s ok….I will live with the dent your body caused to my tank….I forgive you for the dent
Did I mention I’m crying but I have to move forward with my bag of onions
Did I mention I’m crying real onion tears…I’m sad you dented my tank and I don’t have tank insurance
Meeeeee…..meeee…..meeeeee….I see light….strobe lights….my love is a strobe light and you blinked
I will go on….move forward….don’t cry for me…I took the onions when you kicked me out
Just me and my bag of onions as I move forward, my luvrre promised to cook me french onion soup
Meeeeeeeeeeeee…..whahhhbahwhaheee…meeeeeeeee
I just farted…I’m farting and crying….that’s how bad I feel…I just farted again…..lost my train of thought
Oh….yeah….I will go forward.. Or something like that…it’s hard to think….when I’m gassy
Prgttfftt.trtrroptemtbrrrprt…..brrrotetetrptrrrumputumpemttubrret…..ptrttyfrattemofartttemptump….

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

I was just thinking in my mind that the quickest thing to cook fir tonight will be a meat pie. My friend is coming over with her boys for a nice chat with wine and playdate. The onions that I have to cut up and fry …and cry….and laugh…and cry…..and laugh…maybe I will change the menu?

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
7 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

DYING here…..Think I wet myself!!!

This is soooooo amazingly awesome! Loving the snark / the healing / the LOVE!
All y’all are the MOST amazing humans in the Universe!

Do we know what the Sticker was yet?!?! ROTFLMBO!

THIS post & comments have me cry-laughing / snorting / and wondering if I am going to be evicted for violating the local Noise Ordinance!

Wishing ALL of ChumpNation could meet together for our very own ‘Awesome Fest’!!!

SheChump
SheChump
7 years ago
Reply to  ForgeOn!

OK, we are all at maximum capacity in a vacuum, sucking at the reality window.
If you don’t fill in the blanks on WHAT the sticker was….we’ll make up our own show!

Here’s what I found.

Some suckers. https://www.cafepress.com/mf/12777707/lollipops-make-me-happy-rectangle_sticker?productId=59990502

Mama duck says quack quack
Mama duck says quack quack
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

Laughing my guts out, with real tears, stomach muscles hurting , snorts, This is sosoooooooo TRUE and soooooo funny!
“Just me and my bag of onions as I move forward, my luvrre promised to cook me french onion soup”
“I just farted…I’m farting and crying….that’s how bad I feel…I just farted again…..lost my train of thought
Oh….yeah….I will go forward.. Or something like that…it’s hard to think….when I’m gassy
Prgttfftt.trtrroptemtbrrrprt…..brrrotetetrptrrrumputumpemttubrret…..ptrttyfrattemofartttemptump….” OMG! Can’t stop laughing ! BRILLIANT!
I think every time I eat french onion soup I’ll laugh. Definitely saving this.
PS: Please send this to a good stand up comedian, it is THAT good!

NotThisGirl
NotThisGirl
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

Hahah- the last part is too good!! ???

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

My X.., ha! he added the crocodile tears for added drama.

Just curious, do tears drop down your eyes then roll down your cheeks?

He’s much deeper than we know..,
“The suffering I have caused, the hearts that have been broken, the pain is felt”.

Pain? after reading PF’s post has to be gas.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

Spectacular. Wow, just wow. Ah, the onions. Think of the onions, those poor onions I must use to tease copious tears from my cold dead eyes . . .

PF
PF
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

This is what is called a FAUXPOLOGY…..onions not included.

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

Or FARTology

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

I’m dying here! LOL!!! 🙂 Oh, how I love Chump Nation!! Thanks for the laugh.

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

OMG. I can’t stand up straight after reading that. I keep bursting out laughing at random moments. I actually did cry with laughter. God. That’s the funniest thing I’ve read ever. Next time I see onions I’m done for…I’m laughing now just thinking about onions. Brilliant. Just brilliant. I screen shot that. That is a keeper.
????❤

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

Crying! ?

Attie
Attie
7 years ago

About three weeks after he left I had to meet up with the ex to do some bank stuff. We were a bit early so sat and had a coffee (I was always very civilized because he kept threatening not to sign the papers if he had to “pay his share of this, his share of that” etc (he didn’t, BTW, I took on the whole lot just to get rid of him). Anyway, he suddenly started spouting about how it would be a “shame for us to throw away all those wonderful years (he had obviously been on the magic mushrooms again) and our happy family!!!!”” (i.e. basically the skank ain’t that great and can I come back). Also, the skank lived next to the fire station and they had just started the annual cattle fair (held in the parking lot outside the skank’s house – “who’ll gimme 25, 25, 25?” So basically he wasn’t sleeping either! Anyway where I think I have the sticker beat is he actually wrote me a song!!!! “The wine is red, the lake it’s bluuuuuuueeeeheehhh” (I work in Geneva), and frankly my friends it was fuckin awful. Imagine someone torturing a cat! I guess my point is, where in hell is it written that a sticker and a lame-ass note or some tone-deaf song should compensate for STDs, beatings and financial ruin? I haven’t quite got that one figured out.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Attie

They don’t Attie. That’s why you have to be strong. Hearing, “I hosed you completely, but life is inconvenient so won’t you let me back to do it some more?” shouldn’t bring any affirmative response. Trust that he sucks.

EyesOpenNow
EyesOpenNow
7 years ago

CL, you have outdone yourself this morning! My dog is concerned about me as I can’t stop laughing over the robots with head injuries. You have a gift to not only cut straight to the meaning behind the bullshit, but to entertain us all with your incredible wit along the way. Bravo! What a great start to the weekend!

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  EyesOpenNow

Mine too, gives me a sad worried look every time I wake her up with my guffaws.

brit
brit
7 years ago

I can’t stop laughing..,
I’d like to see a picture of him with tears dropping down his eyes.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

Note he didn’t say “out of” his eyes. He was pouring water over his eyes?

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Water boarding himself. A harsh form of repentance.

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

I smell a haiku, Dixie…

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

Tears drop down my eyes.
English language fucking hard.
Sorry for me yet?

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Brilliant!

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

I like your style, Dixie, but more likely he just plain doesn’t know how tears work.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
7 years ago

It probably took him hours to write. To get the passive voice just right.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago

“I am writing you to say …” smack! NO! That sounds like I might be somehow involved here … hmmm … “Words have been written that say …” smack! NO! That sounds like I have something to say … hmmm … “Words with meanings appear on this page … ” NO! That sounds remotely like the English language … “Mots son …” NO! French is the language of love! And thus the hours pass … such morons!!

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

the classic “mistakes were made.”
Mine said, “nothing I did was done to hurt you.”

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

“Nothing I did was done to hurt you.” Let’s sort this one out. He didn’t want you to hear of it, because that would hurt you. He was in a coma and had an affair and had no intentions because he was inert and wasn’t capable of consent. He was trying to hurt his evil nemesis and she became his affair partner, but his intentions were good (before those laser beams).

Chime in people. How “Nothing I did was done to hurt you” can make sense. “I didn’t want to hurt you” would be too direct, seeing as how what he did was totally separated by syntax from the resulting hurt. If he didn’t do the hurt, who did?

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

thanks survivor. I think the main gist of it was it was all about him, ever and always. he meant I was the last thing on his mind, as he was cheating. well, duh.

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Mine said something similar. Nothing was done to help me either. I just didn’t matter.

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
7 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Cheaterpants said he needed to move out so he did not have to see how sad & hurt I was…..”Cheater Handbook, page 69″ hehehe!

Yeppers….They can not have us on their minds as the only thing they are concerned about is who is on their ‘parts’…..

Been reading Shahida Arabi’s latest book and it is ever so helpful

Love all ya’all as we all….ForgeOn!

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  ForgeOn!

Same. After d-day he went to visit a friend of ours to get some perspective or something. I left him alone for the whole weekend. I didn’t say one GD thing to him but whoremat boo hooed her own pity party bullshit to him about how sad and torn up she was without him and blah blah blah. As SOON as he walked into our door he burst into tears and sobbed about how he couldn’t take it because being in our house made him remember. Yeah. Remember that I’m a good wife? And you threw me away like a bag of flaming dog shit? For a FUCKING WHORE?! Is that what you felt like when you came back? Because it’s true.

It’s so fucking unfair. The person that actually LOVES gets so screwed over and the POS gets everything. I’m so sad and angry.

flutterby
flutterby
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

That’s great Dixie!!! ?

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Blimey. Everyone is SO funny today. Love this ?

MehGloriousMeh
MehGloriousMeh
7 years ago

He’s a modern day Shakespeare. I know his type; his poetry free verse poetry is to make him seem deep and pensive. It also allows him to express segment fragments of thought that don’t have to be logical. (Kind of like free verse means you don’t have to worry about rhyming.)

See what a sensitive cheater I am.
Half Yoda talk. I must.
Maybe these poetic lines
will erase your realizations
of the pathetic loser I am
pink glitter on my dick
hopeful I am it’s not herpes
unicorns flying through the air
Deflect blame excuse poetic
Shakespeare is jealous of my gifts
and my sparkly tool
Admit it
This poem makes you want me bad

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  MehGloriousMeh

Someone I know wrote a book full of free form (non rhyming) poetry about having random hook up sex and how empowering it is/was. She started this hobby when she was married with teen daughters.

She is so proud that she is a “published author” …dirty cheater poems

I cant even

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

It’s so sick. The entitlement. The special snowflake mentality. I get it. Everyone on Earth is a different and unique human being. We are literally ALL one of a kind based on thousands of years of humans having babies and on and on until you were born. However when everyone is special, no one is. You are not some trailblazing new concept creating one of a kind human being that will be remembered for centuries based on your inability to not fucking cheat! You are a run of the mill basic fucking piece of shit. It’s DISGUSTING the way that people walk all over others because they can. Because they DESERVE to. Because fucking over someone good and decent is “empowering”. I hate them all.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Always Remember that You Are Unique. Just Like Everybody Else.

https://despair.com/collections/retired/products/individuality

Pearshaped
Pearshaped
7 years ago
Reply to  MehGloriousMeh

Great poem, MGM, but the last line first hit me as “This poem makes ME want me bad.”

Which sounds about right.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  MehGloriousMeh

I’m laughing so hard my stomach hurts..,

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago

There’s nothing quite so morose as an 11 year old girl writing her first break-up poetry. Oh the pathos. The deepness of the feelings. And the complete lack of life experience with which to measure and evaluate the (lack of) depth of said feelings. I cannot wait for this particular sad sausage to at least reach puberty …

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
7 years ago

“If you find a cliche set it free.”
Now that is some good, no nonsense advice for new chumps. Maybe it’s not the first item on the list but it should be on the list.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago

LOL … complete aside, but can you imagine what it must be like to be Mr. Chumplady should there ever be a mild disagreement?!! Poor fellow!! Lucky he has a warm, caring chump for a wife who values him just as much!!!

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

I am sure her scathing wit is one of the things he most adores.
My boyfriend described me the other day as an “assertive brunette.” How awesome is that?

Mr. Chumplady
Mr. Chumplady
7 years ago

You are correct: I do adore her scathing wit. And her passion for this site. And her ability to turn a (hilarious) phrase. And our shared love of underdogs everywhere.

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
7 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Chumplady

Mr. Chumplady!!
And we adore you for adoring her, as that is the kind of Real Love that does indeed still exist! All of the Chumps here at CN need to see this Real Love that you two share as a reminder that there are many authentic & genuine people here amongst us!

Love ya, as we all ForgeOn!

Beachgirl
Beachgirl
7 years ago

I am in tears from laughing! CL for the win!!!! Mine would always give the “I’m so damaged blah blah blah” crap too. When what he really meant was “I do these horrible things to you because of my bad childhood, bad experience at the dentist, how poorly you wash dishes so you should forgive me for all my sins because of my “damage”. Blech. No, you’re not damaged, you’re an asshole! Funny how their damaged souls can only find glimmers of peace in some strange! Move along sad sausage cheaters, move along.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
7 years ago

Give the guy (cheater) a Pulitzer Prize why don’t ya? I’m sure he thinks he deserves one (or several). Reminds me of my STBX. He loved to throw out big words like ‘grandiose’ (when he meant grand) and ‘differential’ (when he met difference) in some word salad. Guess he thought that producing multi-syllabic worlds made him look brilliant. (To those of who regularly read and wrote, it made him look like an uneducated, insecure fool.) And to think that my truly brilliant boss who had a doctorate from a famous university and received a psychologist of the century award regularly used two- and three-letter words such as ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ instead of multi-syllabic words.

Susannah
Susannah
7 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

My first husband liked to use and abuse the word, “aspect.” All. The. Time. “I like that aspect of the show.” “I want a leather couch for this aspect of the living room.” “I didn’t like that aspect of the book you wanted me to read.” (He meant chapter. Really.) Now it’s a word I regularly strike out of reports and memos, all of my employees know not to use it. It’s pretty much a trigger.

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Susannah

I expect that in every aspect he was an asshat.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago

I don’t even think we have to look at an aspect. That shit was an asshat through and through. No need to parse his assholeanness.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Susannah

Because “part” couldn’t possibly convey that sense of superiority.

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago

Good Lord. Really? I want to dress in all black like a beatnik and snap my fingers while reading this diatribe of trash. Yuck.

One time, I challenged Mr. Sparkles and how tiring it must be for him to manage the ever-changing child visitation calendar (you know, it needs to bend and flex around his Crossfit training needs)… and he responded:

“I never get tired of seeing my kids and spending time with them any way that I can. What I am tired of is the failed relationships.”

My UBT attempt:

“I never get tired of kibbles from my kids because they are too young to understand what it means that I walked on our them and their moms (3 moms, 6 kids).”

“I’m tired of failing to maintain cake. Look – Squirrel.”

TGIF Chump Nation. Trust that they suck… even more than the black hole that currently swallowing a star light years away.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago

Three women, six kids, and it just never works out? Call it a day asshole. Time for someone to go under the knife to prevent repopulating the world through his failures.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago

I don’t even know where to start with this one. This cheater is in need of an immense amount of professional help, even compared to other cheaters.

Attie
Attie
7 years ago

I agree absolutely Rockstar, but what is even funnier is when they try to use long words but get them wrong (I played “Definitions” with my ex once – never again). I also remember sitting with a bunch of my friends (all economists) and he has banging on about how the UK pound “was the world’s strongest currency”! I didn’t know where to put myself (I mean anyone heard of the little Swiss franc which is probably one of the world’s most stable currencies and where other currencies take refuge in times of crisis), or how about the dollar, or the yen? I had to try and tactfully get it across to him that it might be the world’s biggest unit of currency (I think) but not the strongest! I mean, why don’t you play Economic Trivial Pursuit with a room full of economists!

yo
yo
7 years ago
Reply to  Attie

I just had a flashback to the 90s. Remember that comedy show In Living Color? Those two guys talking, trying to impress each other with “big” words that they dont understand…jabbering on while obviously unaware that they are not making any sense. The camera pans back, revealing that they are actually jailbirds sitting in a cell. A public service announcement says Stay in School.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  yo

Yes! I remember.., it was so funny and accurate. They just ramble on with any regard to how stupid they sound.
Do you remember the show Cheers? They had two or three regulars who were usually
sitting at the bar and one was Cliff Claven, he would interrupt conversations with his endless knowledge of random facts on whatever subject they were talking about.
Talking to X would be like talking to Cliff Claven, you’d mention something in passing
and he’d go into an endless lecture of random facts on the subject…,

SheChump
SheChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Attie – I can sure relate to that!
The X truly believed he was the damn smartest guy in the room and his word of choice was G.O.L.D.
Most economist disagreed but, being nice friends, they let him dominate the room with his ‘wisdom’.
(he always talked over everybody’s heads because, really, who knows that much about the complicated bond market)

I find that people who know things don’t spout off like a broken record….round and round and round…and nobody can have any discussion about it. These are people feeling superior and the more drinks he had, the more superior he felt. So glad for the friends who put up with him.

I saw this the longer we were married but, he had me under his spell as well…He was SMART!
He could talk (and was) an expert.

Well, he wound up bungling all that up with, not only the price of gold not hitting huge highs and the economy falling apart, he couldn’t keep his mansion made out of sand and he’s lost all of his past 36 yrs. (this a guy who never took one framed photo with him)

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

Mine too! But he couldn’t pronounce a lot of the fancy words he likes to use. He pronounces banal like anal (no wonder!), called a bush remnant a rem-i-nant when he spouted off about conservation. He was doing a PhD in botany but doesn’t know any plant names ( more likely refuses to learn them cos he can’t pronounce them). His ineptitude seeps into basic science and maths too. He tried to explain torque to me and got nanometers and Newtons mixed up (and I picked up on it, although I failed physics spectacularly in high school, so that pissed him off) and can’t count 10 cows accurately. Smartest guy in the room though. That’s why he’s back with the whore, she makes him look like the genius he thinks he is. Claimed to be a serial monogamist, while cheating. Can’t even count to 2…

Shechump
Shechump
7 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

kiwi – These people can be sooo banal. ugh.

‘He pronounces banal like anal’

um…I pronounce it the same way? do you say bah nal or bay nal?

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

bah-nal, that’s what I was taught. Might be different in the US? I’ve also lost track of all the words he made up.

SheChump
SheChump
7 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

kiwi – ‘He pronounces banal like anal.

Help Americans/Cannucks/Brits/NZ/and the other Commonwealth Countries.

How do you pronounce Banal?

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

SheChump, I figure that’s why they start hating us, when the admiration in our eyes fades because we finally understand they are full of shit, they can tolerate the insult.
Every time they look at us they can hear the little boy going “The emperor has no clothes!”. So they must get rid of us and discredit us, get rid of the evidence of their failings.
We all say stupid stuff, we all make huge mistakes, but normal people can accept that about themselves and do not hate the witnesses of their failures. They do.

SheChump
SheChump
7 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

Kiwi – ‘SheChump, I figure that’s why they start hating us, when the admiration in our eyes fades because we finally understand they are full of shit, they can tolerate the insult.
Every time they look at us they can hear the little boy going “The emperor has no clothes!”.”

^^^This is exactly what I figure happened.
He became more and more arrogant around people, like his head was the size of basketball (full of bs) and he was all trumped up on his ego – thanks to the bimbo. That’s when I started noticing major holes in his financial prowess and started calling him on it. I was no longer the supportive little wifey he had before.
And, he even said so! Poor baby. He said I didn’t support him in his work. (you mean working with you for 10 yrs side-by-side wasn’t supportive??) . It didn’t matter I supported him in his work for 35 yrs and didn’t have one holiday in practically that entire time…and even when we did, he’d bring his work computer along. Frankly, I was getting so fucking sick of his obsession with earning money – how much is enough – and ignoring his family and smelling the roses. I guess his business illiterate bimbo was far more supportive of his work – to the point, he probably bores her to tears not understanding a whit of his business, which I knew like the back of my hand.

Oh, and did I mention that he had a sign outside his office that said, ‘Nobody gets in to see the wizard..No way No how.’ Yep, how true it was. The emperor has no clothes.

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

SheChump, were we hitched to the same man? Mine lectured everybody about the dangers of smartphones for about 6 years (finger cancer!!! from the radiations on the screen…) and said he would never have one. Then the whore got one, and she took a class for a few weeks on how to use a smartphone ( I swear I am not making this up! She’s a real upgrade, isn’t she?). So he bought one and started sexting all the time, phone glued to his hip, you all know the score. No more finger cancer…Maybe RSI of the wrist?
He is obsessed with climate change and sea level rise, but his big gripe against me is that I ridiculed him wanting a petrol lawn mower to cut the grass using fossil fuels when he is so against the “neo-liberal fossil fueled consumer society”. Why not an electric one, all hydro power here in the South Island, we’re net exporters of hydro electricity? Nope, had to be petrol. I emasculated him with my ideas. I wish…
He was also obsessed with gold, the gold standard, economic collapse, he enjoyed 2008, it just didn’t get bad enough for his taste. He hated the “banksters” and lawyers, until he got all chummy with them to attack me. He is waiting for the environmental apocalypse, which is why he wanted us to move to this farm, but then never did anything to “future-proof” it, as he called it. So no renewables installed, other than the woodstove but he never cut enough firewood in time for winter. Money squandered on all sorts of useless unfinished projects, such as his massive veggie garden, enough to feed 10 families or more. Thousands of dollars in digger hire, irrigation pipe, drainage. He never planted a single seed. I tried to have my own little veggie patch only to be told every time not to do it because he was the plant physiology expert. The only thing I’ve ever seen him grow is pot, which I discovered one day he had planted on the farm and immediately destroyed. Don’t want the farm confiscated as proceeds of crime, thank you very much, arsehole!
The latest was his jubilation at Trump’s victory because “he’s a wild card and might trigger a nuclear war, we need to wipe out 6 billion people so it will be for the best”. BTW, he has 4 sons. You’d think he’d be a little invested in the future…

SheChump
SheChump
7 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

Kiwi – You totally have me laughing off my chair.

‘The latest was his jubilation at Trump’s victory because “he’s a wild card and might trigger a nuclear war, we need to wipe out 6 billion people so it will be for the best”. BTW, he has 4 sons. You’d think he’d be a little invested in the future…’

You and I WERE married to the same idiot. Mine also enjoyed 2008….’see, see, I told you so’, he’d say over and over. When 9/11 happened and I was horrified, the only thing he could say was…’see, see, I told you so’. I always thought there was something really odd about that reaction. Yeah, sure, he KNEW we were going to get attacked by a foreign country but funny he never mentioned that prediction to me. ‘We caused it. We deserved it.’ The asshole should have been shipped off to Afganistan right then.

There wasn’t a conspiracy theory he didn’t milk for all it was worth. He became a broken record of DULL.
Wonder how it must feel to aways be proven wrong with your ‘theories’.

Can’t believe how long I went hanging on his every word until, I figured out he was just pumping up his chest with dire predictions that people believed. I guess this was who he really was. An imposter all along.

PianoMom
PianoMom
7 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

ba-NAHL, I always thought?

Pearshaped
Pearshaped
7 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

BahNAHL. Like canal with a B. At least that’s it where I come from.

SheChump
SheChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Pearshaped

Pear – ‘BahNAHL. Like canal with a B. At least that’s it where I come from.

Wow, that is certainly new to me.
I’ve never heard anybody say it that way.

I’m used to Cdn/US differences.
Like – Buoy in US = Booey
In Cdn – Buoy is Boy

What parts are you from Pear? Perhaps I’m the one with the wrong word? Banal = Boring?

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

And he used to sign his emails with this quote from Jefferson:
“We (…) do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.” But he didn’t vote in any election. And that includes while being a candidate for the local council. ??!!??? Joined the Green Party twice and resigned twice, joined the Labour Party but didn’t vote. Woke me up in the middle of the night in 2014 to say he was going to run for NZ First in the general election. I said great! (It’ll be fun to see Winston make mince meat out of him!). Changed his mind by the next morning. Pfft!

SheChump
SheChump
7 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

Kiwi – he had quotes ALL over the house.
His office, by the fridge, in the bathrooms…spouting off the latest Jefferson.

His favorite about Facebook was something about…The CIA is using it for information…(he knew nothing about it)
SO many conspiracies theories.
We couldn’t spend any money! The market was about to collapse.
I heard that for 23 years and had a ‘duh’ moment.
Wolf crying as a form of control.
Hey, I was very frugal, he was not! Funny how that works out.

He was incredibly ignorant of how the internet worked until I got him all hooked up on a new cell phone so he could communicate better with customers… and taught him….and, what does he go and do with his very FIRST private phone!?? He finds a ‘real girl’ – ok, just watched Lars and the Real Girl and it resonates on a strange level. (Early Ryan Gosling in classic form)

He finds a cheap whore and ‘falls in love’ after 36 years.
Feeling more at meh these days, that extra phone I gave him probably was the exact ticket I needed to get out of his zone, once and for all.

SheChump
SheChump
7 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

OMG – you’re cracking me up, kiwi!
Mine talked about how much of a better president he would make and he would qualify in the smarts and political land mind department…yup, everybody agreed and started nudging him in that direction.

Pffft….what a bunch of smoke and mirrors and enough martinis to announce to a big crowd, that by God, he just might run.

Next day – he could hardly remember what he said.
But! He did become Prez of our local tiny humane society!

People that talk without the walk really disgust me.

Ugh no...
Ugh no...
7 years ago