UBT: Other Man Asks for ‘Grace’
The Other Man writes to him asking for “grace.” He’s not divorced and his wife is pregnant with this affair partner’s child.
***
Hi Chump Lady,
I got a text from my soon-to-be-ex-wife’s affair partner just a couple nights ago. Here’s the backstory: My D-Day was June 2020, the affair never ended, so I filed for divorce.
I found out last week that my soon-to-be ex is 8 weeks pregnant with her affair partner’s baby.
(They’re expecting a boy.) She and I have three amazing daughters together, and now this man will be a part of my kids’ lives as they plan to move in together. It feels like another hit, where he seems to be offering her things I never could.
If the pregnancy continues, this person will be in my life and my daughters’ lives forever. I don’t want to be with her anymore; she’s shown me who she truly is. Thankfully, she’s a good mom, and I trust her with our kids. However, she keeps making poor decisions that impact me and our daughters.
How do you cope with someone like this while still needing to stay in contact for the children’s sake? I feel so much anger and resentment toward her, but I know I need to let it go for my girls’ sake. How do you even begin to do that?
Last night I got this text from the Other Man, the guy that had the affair with my wife.
He has never ever reached out before. Here’s the text:
“Hey Travis, this is OM. I’m sure this text is unexpected right now, but I wanted to reach out to you and just say a few things.
First, I wanted to say I understand how hard of a position this is for you and I have so much empathy and understanding of your position with everything going on right now. I know that we dropped a bomb on you last weekend and I can’t even imagine how that made you feel and just want you to know that I feel for you and understand that there are a ton of emotions you have been dealing with.
Second, I want you to know that your girls are the main priority in yours and M’s life and I will never jeopardize that. I will never put them, you or M in a position that has nothing but a positive impact on all of you guys, especially your girls. That is a promise from me regardless of how you take that. I understand this is a lot and very overwhelming, but I want to make it clear that your girls are and will always be a priority for all of this.
Lastly, I just want to say that I know while this is a lot for everyone, mainly you. M is having a very tough time with this and is extremely overwhelmed. I am trying to be as supportive as I can with all of this, while also not being able to be there for her all the time because of the situation obviously.
You do not owe me anything, but if I can just ask one thing from you that would be to give her a little bit of grace.
She is a phenomenal mom and I know that you know that. But with her trying to manage all of this basically by herself right now — working her ass off, being a great mom, trying to manage the situation with you and I, it is a lot and I am worried about her.
Like I said, I know you don’t owe me anything but I would appreciate it if we can eventually become somewhat cordial for your kids that would be ideal. I know it’s going to take time and work, but I want you to know I have grown up a lot and matured and I am all in on making sure this all works out and right now my main priority is that you and M are okay for your girls. You don’t need to respond to this but I just wanted to reach out to you. Thanks man. “
I have no clue how to handle this shit.
This can’t be real life, these things that are happening.
Travis
****
Dear Travis,
You don’t owe this guy any response. He’s your soon-to-be-ex-wife’s Baby Daddy. He doesn’t get a vote on how you comport yourself during this horrific time. A guy who fucks a married mother of three is not a sage. He’s something you scrape off your shoe.
It feels like another hit, where he seems to be offering her things I never could.
Like what? A Y chromosome?
Travis, you are not the failure here. These are two selfish, messy people making a colossal fuck up of their lives, and hurting three innocent children. YOU had to file for divorce! Think about that! She couldn’t even clean up her chaos. If the Other Man is such a stand up guy, why didn’t your wife file first for Twu Luv?
Now, he’s got a pregnant woman with three kids moving in with him. Hope his newfound “maturity” holds.
Your job is to get the best divorce and custody settlement you can, and be the sane parent to your girls. Your ex’s complicated love rhombus isn’t your concern, except how it impacts the children going forward. (There are lawyers for that.)
Because we can’t throw this guy into a manure lagoon, let’s feed his text to the Universal Bullshit Translator.
Hey Travis, this is OM. I’m sure this text is unexpected right now, but I wanted to reach out to you and just say a few things.
Not as unexpected as that pregnancy test! Four years of being a naughty bit on the side and now I’ve got her full-time. Just thought I’d reach out and see how you could make this easier on me.
I feel your pain, no more, really.
First, I wanted to say I understand how hard of a position this is for you and I have so much empathy and understanding of your position with everything going on right now.
Empathy and understanding that I demonstrated by fucking your wife behind your back for four years.
I know that we dropped a bomb on you last weekend and I can’t even imagine how that made you feel and just want you to know that I feel for you and understand that there are a ton of emotions you have been dealing with.
We’re really central, aren’t we? Are you having lots and lots of emotions? We feed on that. I need to goad you into some sort of drama because only then will I know that this woman is a prize, and not a shallow user with all the relationship longevity of a fruit fly.
The girls are a priority… for you.
Second, I want you to know that your girls are the main priority in yours and M’s life and I will never jeopardize that.
These are your kids. I don’t have to do any actual parenting here, right?
I will never put them, you or M in a position that has nothing but a positive impact on all of you guys, especially your girls.
Breaking up their home will be very positive, you’ll see! And they’re having a baby bomb brother!
That is a promise from me regardless of how you take that.
Sure, you can trust the fidelity and word of a philanderer.
I understand this is a lot and very overwhelming, but I want to make it clear that your girls are and will always be a priority for all of this.
You may be overwhelmed with emotions, but M and I are solid rocks of sanity. While you’re up there in your fe-fes, we’re steadfastly thinking only of the children. In that immolate their intact family kinda way.
Lastly, I just want to say that I know while this is a lot for everyone, mainly you. M is having a very tough time with this and is extremely overwhelmed.
This is hard on M, no harder really. You may be overwhelmed, she is extremely overwhelmed. What with the dawning realization that you’ve filed for divorce and she can’t pawn paternity off on you, and she may be a quasi-homeless single mother of four, whose only support is a guy with all the integrity of a rabid muskrat.
Anyway, you should care about the feelings of the person who destroyed your world.
I am trying to be as supportive as I can with all of this, while also not being able to be there for her all the time because of the situation obviously.
Dude, you’re not really handing this whole mess over to me, are you? I can’t be there all the time because, obviously, I have a pressing engagement elsewhere.
Calling for grace!
You do not owe me anything, but if I can just ask one thing from you that would be to give her a little bit of grace.
Could you soften those consequences a bit? Maybe pick up the slack on the childcare? You don’t owe me anything, but I have notes on how you’re handing this. #gracenotes
She is a phenomenal mom and I know that you know that. But with her trying to manage all of this basically by herself right now — working her ass off, being a great mom, trying to manage the situation with you and I, it is a lot and I am worried about her.
Look, managing everything by herself — being a single mother, working a job, doing everything alone — is NOT how she envisioned this. We used to have more margin to our lives with a chump (you). Those sweet summer days of furtive fucks, sexting, hand jobs in the parking lot and now suddenly it’s full-time responsibility. I’m worried about me. Am I her next chump? Come back to the triangle!
#phenomenalmother
Other Man says what?
Like I said, I know you don’t owe me anything but I would appreciate it if we can eventually become somewhat cordial for your kids that would be ideal.
Cordial as in you don’t come after me with a tire iron.
I know it’s going to take time and work, but I want you to know I have grown up a lot and matured and I am all in on making sure this all works out and right now my main priority is that you and M are okay for your girls.
This is the run-on sentence of a man who cares.
I’ve grown a lot over this four-year affair! Your personal devastation has been a learning opportunity for me.
Right now, my main priority is that you both leave me out of any child rearing. #maturity
You don’t need to respond to this but I just wanted to reach out to you. Thanks man. “
Imagine me ruffling your hair with an avuncular “Thanks man!” As we sit in the bleachers of a baseball park, at twilight, sharing a beer. And a woman. You’re a baby daddy, I’m a baby daddy. We are in the Brotherhood of Baby Daddies. But what really matters is that bond, because M is overwhelmed. And things might be expected of me. Things that I have heretofore avoided. But dude, you’re my Baby Daddy brother! You’ll step up, right?
Right?
****
Travis, don’t respond to this creep. Go build your new life for you and your daughters. He’s got the “overwhelmed” hot mess that is your ex-wife. No tag backs. No grace.
Sorry, but someone is lying. You can’t determine the sex of a baby at 8 weeks.
This is the exact right skeptical energy to have about all a FW’s claims!
Having just gone to a gender reveal party (not my generation, obvs) for an 8-weeks pregnant couple, I can confirm there are OTC tests such as Sneak Peek Early Gender DNA Test and Peekaboo Early Gender DNA Test that purport to be able to determine the sex as early as 6-7 weeks gestation.
Oops, I should have checked earlier comments before posting one on this theme. I didn’t know about the over the counter urine tests claiming gender prediction but just read a heap of criticism about them. Apparently all sorts of things can cause false positives for male gender, including mosaicism in the fetus, maternal PCOS, maternal age, BMI, weight gain, depressed mood or the effects of something called “aromatase SNPs” (er, what?) on testosterone levels in maternal serum and amniotic fluid of female fetuses.
Given the risks of false results, I would still wonder if someone was excessively hung up on gender if they’d go out of their way to pay for a test like this rather than just waiting for the usual anatomical scan at 20 weeks or so.
I’m guessing, under the circumstances, that FW, and particularly OM, wanted to establish paternity at their earliest possible convenience.
I thought the same thing, but apparently there’s a blood test now that can determine if you’re having a boy.
At least, there’s a blood test now where the people selling it claim it can determine that early if you’re having a boy. If you want to fall down a rabbit hole like I did this morning, have a look at what passes for ‘published studies’ on these things.
Obviously it’s very important to the two affair partners what the sex of the baby is. People like that are 💩
I’m going to let you do the heavy lifting there, but please explain something to me: how can it be hard to check the accuracy of this test? Surely you just wait about 7 months or so and then you *know* if the test was right?
You could say the same of a coin flip, but if I flip a coin and it’s “right” about the gender, that doesn’t mean a coin flip is an accurate test. I don’t really want to get pedantic about false positives vs. false negatives and the whole issue of paid-for ‘science’, but I would not assume an OTC test is an accurate predictor this early. Sounds more like OM just wanted to brag about having a son.
Could be FW lied and said it is a boy in the hope of keeping OM around. He comes across as the type who might stick around if he had a boy he could turn into a mini-me.
Yup! I think this is what is going on exactly! OM is obviously trying to state that the 3 girls are the Chump’s responsibility and all. I think his FW soon to be ex-wife is REAL nervous here. She either rushed out to get a test on the sex of the baby to hopefully anchor him into their messed up situation. I mean think about it? Why would this guy be just thrilled about having to now be involved with three girls? FW soon to be ex-wife is probably saying how wonderful it will be for them to have a son, blah, blah, blah. I can just hear it.
Travis,
Protect yourself, protect your daughters and avoid getting drawn into the dumpster fire that is your STBXW and her AP’s life.
And do be prepared for some weapons grade manipulation on behalf of your STBXW when she realises that your daughters aren’t as approving of the situation as she might want them to be.
LFTT
First, “phenomenal” moms don’t cheat. If they want out of a marriage, they do it decently, showing their kids how adults should act.
And no, you don’t have to respond to this. This situation currently warrants parallel parenting, and you should engage only with your children’s mother at this point. Sometimes, people can shift to something more collaborative over time, but not yet.
Be the parent your kids need right now and let go of the rest.
Time did give me better control of my own emotions and I could make stronger decisions for my self worth
I’m talking years..but for many many years, no contact is what kept me sober and out of my cheaters meat grinder.When you reach meh
As my mom would say..you made your bed, now lay in it.
One might say that Travis’ STBXW has already spent a little too much time laying (and other things) in her bed … but then I would say that wouldn’t I? 😉
LFTT
As the kids would say, “Facts.”
That is top funny++!
Dude, I see your frustration and anger-the chode in her life did that with me. Just block him and you’ll ever have to receive another message from him again. Also, get your comms with the ex wire-tight and let her know you and her only communicate, this guy is as irrelevant as the condom or birth control they forgot to use.
First, I wanted to say I understand how hard of a position this is for you and I have so much empathy and understanding of your position with everything going on right now. I know that we dropped a bomb on you last weekend and I can’t even imagine how that made you feel and just want you to know that I feel for you and understand that there are a ton of emotions you have been dealing with.
I want to take a wrecking ball to all of this.1. He doesn’t understand because he is the one that put you in this position. 2. He isn’t empathetic as he would never have written a message such as this, he would have kept his mouth shut. 3. He doesn’t get to assign any thoughts or assumptions.
This letter was written to make a victim comply with the perps. What the OM really wants is Travis to validate all that has happened, he does not owe them that.
Exactly.Your STBX and her affair partner chose years of lying and cheating together at the expense of you and your daughters and your feelings and the damage they were causing to all of you.They showed you the opposite of grace and now two perfidious people are trying to escape consequences and make you feel responsible for their well being and help ease them into their doomed relationship. I’m guessing 3 am feedings won’t be nearly as romantic and exciting as those hotel visits.
Exactly. This guy is trying to play on some kind of “let’s talk, man to man” BS.
I think some of it was written to make him feel like he’s a cuckold, so cruel and vicious. It’s like, I’m the man, you’re not. Comply because you’re weak and lost the prize. Sounds like the guy may be younger as he used the words grown up a lot and maturing. The ex is with a guy younger than us and it is a factor that has been brought up.
Yeah, I also got the “rubbing nose in it” or “accentuating victory by feigning concern” thing.
If it’s just suck-uppy behavior on the part of someone ho did something bad to someone else– maybe hoovering around in that “let’s pretend nothing happened” ruse or offering random favors– it’s probably just basic fear of payback. But, that letter was brass neck behavior, hardly “fearful.” In my experience (working in a field packed with grade A psychos), people who aggressively track down their own victims and lay the faux sympathy on really thick are like serial killers returning to the scene of the crime to wank off over sweet memories of the exploit.
So more than a coward not wanting to be hated out of fear of fallout, I also have a sneaking suspicion it’s about trying to take down the target’s protective shield of anger so the damaging effects of the offense can really sink in. The reason I think this is that part of achieving “meh” and healing is really, truly understanding that aggressors suck but, as long as there’s any doubt in the latter’s suckage, meh is illusive and victims can remain tormented. In other words, I think this kind of behavior is partly to make sure the wound stays open and bleeding so the perp can keep feeding.
Also insistently presuming the target is suffering (rather than asking how they feel or, while they’re foisting and projecting, even assuming the alternative– that the target doesn’t care) betrays a wish and a need for that suffering. Someone like that is probably just coming in for another round of dominance displays and possibly trying to maximize their target’s emotional pain and sense of defeat in order to squeeze more sadistic juice out of it.
But, like most presumptuous projections, this says more about the person doing it than the target. For one, it implies Schmoops is measuring the sparkling value of his current conquest by the pain of loss demonstrated by the chump, which brings up the question of why would Schmoops need to increase his sense of FW’s market value unless his esteem of her is unstable to begin with? I would guess the behavior suggests a history of running hot and cold in relationships.
In short, Schmoops here is may be a classic mate poacher and will lose interest in FW the second there’s no longer a victim/scapegoat hypotenuse in the triangle to take from and punish. Schmoops also clearly likes to win at all costs. I don’t think that’s going to work out very well for FW in the long run.
Yeah, the guy doesn’t know what empathy is, he’s just throwing out word salad. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s weaponizing therapy/therapeutic language, there is more of that garbage going on these days.
Some scientists and so-called science journalists rail against the “democratization of science” but I think there’s no other way because (as I always go on and on about) laws and policies are now often based on scientific theories (case in point, Texas is about to execute a man based on the notorious junk science “shaken baby” theory) . Unless voters gain sufficient literacy to see past the spin, they won’t know what they’re voting on or supporting or else will be too dependent on “experts”– who are too often just paid shills– to tell them how to vote. But that basically means the price of democracy is listening to idiots like this spewing weaponized psychobabble swill. All the more reason to be thankful for the UBT lol.
The UBT tips its transponders to you. Much better translation.
Thank you.
BEST ANSWER. No Contact with him, and you don’t play nice you stay away and build your own life. The idea of “doing thing for the children” is showing them a lie. They will figure it sooner that than later if you move on as quickly as you can- mine did. You need to take care of yourself- show your children what self respect is. That is what your children need. It may take them a while, as your wife and her gross dude will victim blame you for not playing nice, but in the long run- I am 10 years since D day- your children will know what is what. Everything Tracy said. For decades this idea of “for the children” for playing nice was a thing. It was a thing to show a false sense of okness to your kids. It’s gaslighting the children. Read the book LIARS but Saraha Maguso. Children don’t like that. (Although he’s talking about supporting your ex which is so beyond anything ok, so clueless that you now OWE her support — btw this is typical, it’s called denial on her/their part, and it’s pure narcissism)Hold onto your brain and your gut feeling. as above “the make a victim comply with the perps. Don’t do it. Move on. your children will love you and understand you as you showyour self respect to them.
Yeah, grit your teeth and put on a smile through all the garbage they put your children though so they can feel better about their choices.
My ex-FW gave me the same “for the children” argument. Our youngest was 30 years old at the time. Pathetic.
“Second, I want you to know that your girls are the main priority in yours and M’s life and I will never jeopardize that. I will never put them, you or M in a position that has nothing but a positive impact on all of you guys, especially your girls.”
I have lost all patience with these fw’s… I literally howled at this and scared my cats lol
fw wasn’t thinking about anything but his wayward wick and sticking it in a married woman.. mother of 3… who didn’t have the integrity to stay faithful to her dedicated partner… gtfo
Everytime fw said “your/the girls” I wanted to screech… like it feels gross.. just stop it.
To Travis… I’m so sorry.. block this @$$hat and as Tracy says… build that life with your daughters… I hope you find some peace.
What struck me is that most people don’t tell others about a pregnancy until at least the first trimester is over. The fact that they shared this at 8 weeks is indicative of them wanting to rope you into the drama. I agree; this om is saying, take some of this BS off my hands but is trying to come off as the caring boyfriend. It’s always about impression management with these guys.
I stopped short at that one. Isn’t she moving in with him? Wouldn’t that situation mean that he could be there for her more often? Beware, Travis. This schmoop-fest isn’t going to last (especially since he’s said he’s “maturing” — just what you want to hear from someone about to be a father, ugh). She will come hoovering back to you probably.
Sometimes dark humor gets you through this stuff. Travis, I snort-laughed at this little rhetorical gem:
“I have so much empathy and understanding of your position with everything going on right now”; which was followed immediately by “I can’t even imagine how that made you feel …”
Empathy: You keep using that word, OM, I don’t think it means what you think it means. At least you can comfort yourself that FW didn’t leave you for the brightest bulb in the pack.
You see, if OM could understand the pain you are going through and did what he did anyway, that would make him … what’s the term? — an immoral asshole. Gosh, I think I’m using that term correctly. But, what a lovely text he composed for you! How magnanimous! I’m sure he’ll trumpet how empathetic and compassionate he’s been to you with their friend group, and they’ll all tsk-tsk that you didn’t invite them over for lasagna and Hungry Hungry Hippos – it’s what Gwyneth Paltrow would have done. Screw those people.
I have to co-parent with my FW. I, grudgingly, have to acknowledge that she is a caring and competent parent – at least she isn’t incompetent in any way that would convince a judge otherwise. You are going to have to build boundaries and walls that make the Great Wall of China look like a garden fence, and build your own support group.
I got the house. If I could do it over again, I would not have kept the house. There are too many horrible memories that keep you trapped in that space.
“and they’ll all tsk-tsk that you didn’t invite them over for lasagna and Hungry Hungry Hippos – it’s what Gwyneth Paltrow would have done.”
😆
Not gonna lie, I’m kind of hype for when schmoopie starts getting “you’re not my dad!” from the three existing kids.
Yup. Ex wife will also not like him parenting them. He screwed himself. All fun and games now he will be a dad and stepparent. Funs all over. He will move on soon.
Lol.
Possible twist: kid number 4 isn’t his either!
Probably is … but you never know!! He’ll wake up with that nagging thought in about two years when it finally dawns on him. Something tells me that these two will be taking steps to confirm paternity if they haven’t already. Gotta love a relationship built on trust!
Not a bad idea, I would probably do a covert DNA test if I were a dude.
Right? Dude is already bringing somebody into his home with compromised morals and ethics(to say nothing of his own). He’s a bad argument with the fuckwit away from “clarity.” More power to Travis-not his problem anymore!
Another POV about keeping the house —
Trust me, I understand the sentiment about wanting to rid yourself of the ‘scene of the crime(s)’ and all associated memories.
But when the decision came for me, I was adamant that I remain the parental presence in the place that my daughters knew as ‘home.’ Where their childhood memories reside. Where their beloved pet dog is. Where they have their own longstanding established spaces that are all their own.
I wanted my daughters to always have it ingrained in their minds that the home we’d built was always as important and central to me as it was to them, and that ex/FW was the one who literally and figuratively walked away from it.
Of course, along with walking away from it went the promise of newer spaces and unknown potential (“Look at our new apartment!! Look at you new room (that you’ll have to share)!!” etc.) But ex/FW is now on her 4th residence in 8 years, and I can’t help but think that my daughters look at their father as the stable one, the one with predictability and stability. To me, that goes a long way towards blunting the ‘scene of the crime’ stuff.
Just something to consider.
This was me as well. My children really appreciated it. I bought some new furniture and burned stuff and burned some other stuff. They never felt welcome at his place because they weren’t. I was the SAHM so it felt like mine and ours ( the kids) . But in a trauma people do whatever they can muster. My parents also gave us the down payment and co signed our mortgage. He was just an interloper for 20 years. A mean one who hid money , abused me in many ways, – really into humiliation-cheated and left. It was ugly for awhile but I needed my home. I can see how leaving the home is good too. It’s all about self care so you can care for your kids too. So whatever that means to you.
I got the house too. And, if doing it over again, I think I might have chosen otherwise. I stayed bc I had sweet memories of raising my children here, and I wanted to keep their lives stable as their parents’ marriage was blowing up. But now…those horrible memories…keeping me trapped…like you say. Brings new meaning to “haunted house”.
Yeah, I stayed for the kids, too. It was their house as well. “Haunted” is exactly the right way to describe it.
Ding ding ding (about the house)! As far as I was concerned, the house was the scene of the crime and I had no interest in staying there.
In a new/different house you can make new, happier memories.
Travis, your STBX-wife is a piece of trash. I don’t care if she appears to be a competent parent, she isn’t a GOOD parent. A good parent doesn’t fuck around.
And this scum she made a baby with is worse than trash. He sounds totally freaked out that the only adult in the situation (you, Travis) is leaving her to deal with the consequences of her cheating.
When they break up before the baby is even born, don’t take her back. Of course you should offer to have extra parenting time with your girls. They need a sane parent right now.
Yeah, I try to go easy on myself for the decisions I made at the time, since I was in a state of crisis. Should I have sold the house and moved? Should I have been more aggressive and gone for sole custody instead of joint custody? I think joint custody was the correct move, but I wish I could go back and sell the house.
You are right: OM sounds like the dog that caught the car. Suddenly he’s the co-parent of three kids, with another one on the way. Whoops! No wonder he’s asking for grace. Gosh, I wonder how their sexy little romance will survive when they have to spend 98% of their time during the baby’s first 2 years at home with little sleep and no trysts in hotel rooms.
Sell the house now? Why not, if you regret that decision.
I wonder if this email is just feeling out if OP would be willing to watch “The girls’brother” once in a while because a child they can’t pawn off on him would interfere with their adventurous fiction.
Oh we can be a big family! No, we aren’t. This is the email of a man frightened by the reality he just put himself into. Go easy on her (me) because she is stressed (is too tired being a mom to service me all the time).
Do. Not. Let. Them. Normalize. This.
My ex tried starting the “big family” thing and I shut that crap down immediately. My kid is the better for it. He understands boundaries.
FW tried that with me. NOPE. Early in the divorce I had to be very clear after she asked if I would take the kids so that she could go to her “book club”: I will take the kids if she is having a family/kid/health emergency, a work emergency, or if we have agreed to evenly swap time with the kids. I will never take the kids if it is only for her convenience. Once that horse is out of the barn, I’ll suddenly be her nanny service. I know her too well.
Oh, I was always happy to take any time he gave me… with my kid. Makes for great documentation for increasing child support or getting more custody. I would not be watching the affair child. They can pay a sitter for that job.
That must be so tricky dealing with an affair child. Regarding my kids, I love them more than anything and would take them 100% if it came to that. As for my FW, though, she’s very manipulative, and she will completely steamroll over my boundaries unless I studiously maintain them. If you give her an inch, she’ll take a mile, and she’ll use my sensitivities in order to do it. She’ll use my love of the kids to shirk her responsibilities, and before you know it, I’ll be looking after the kids while she goes on dates, or giving her rides to the airport, or feeding her cats while on vacation, or fixing a bookshelf that fell down, or giving her a ride to the mechanic (all things she has asked if I would do). One time she got a ride to the airport and then called me while she was on a trip to see if I could pick her up from the airport (she only arranged a ride there, and banked on my generosity for a ride home).
There’s no empathy. There’s no understanding. It’s discomfort and guilt at getting caught and the seriousness of the now responsibilities. That phony positing of “If I make it sound like I’m the good guy, then maybe I really am a good guy!”
Total utter fucking bullshit. Block all.
Do not respond. Block. There is no need to communicate with him. Also, I’m so sorry, Travis. Your last line “This can’t be real life, these things that are happening” got me in the feels. I’ve thought this so many times. It’s all so unbelievable.
Same (this last line). The shock and disbelief has lessened for me – my first d-day was about the same time as yours, Travis – but it can still hit me like a ton of bricks at times. How is THIS now my life?!
Yes to this. Your reality and future blows up in smoke. Incredibly disorienting. This man is not your friend. What everybody says here is truth.
i kinda get the feeling that the OM wrote this letter for the subtext: hey, man, i impregnated your wife WITH A SON. you never could do so. let’s be buddies but be clear, i’m more of a man than you’ll ever be. later, man.
then the OM used empathy jargon to cover it up, kind of like the way a serial killer pulls branches to cover the dead body? you know, before he sets it all on fire with a flammable liquid that he conveniently carries in the back of his truck? for some reason, a Dodge Ram comes to mind, with a winch for getting out of tight spots.
the OM is crowing. he’s cruel. but you’ve got kids to take care of an an emotional boat of your own to right, so stick with that. it’s a lot of work as it is, and the benefits will pay off in spades. happy + healthy kids.
Spot on.
Ding, ding. I definitely felt the letter was also written as a way to brag. The letter was also written in a passive-aggressive way, he wants you know there are no hard feelings, but you must comply with what I am writing between the lines.
Yeah, for as much “empathy” as this guy claims to have, it seems like he and FW couldn’t wait to tell them that they were having a boy, which they knew would needle Travis.
The “above the fray” tone of his text was so obnoxious: “Hey, let’s not be petty or jealous. Let’s all calmly work together to work through these issues [that I created with your FW].” Puke.
I got that too! So gross. Urs like a child man as people are noting. My sperm makes boys! I’m a man man! I remember sharing an email from my fwit with a therapist and she said “this is so cold” and – it helped. I was so lost. Wish I had found this place then. I had another therapist who said “ he’s abusing you via email” and wanted me to block him. I waited until he divorced me then I did. Should have done it earlier but not gonna lie- I had dreams he’d come back. It’s a journey. I’m free not quit meh but free. I love this place. Tracy is a Genius.
Travis, besides ignoring this dude, focus your energy on taking care of your girls because if FW and OM do in fact have a baby together, the normal disruptions kids have with a new sibling are going to be amplified so, so much. They will need you to be the sane parent for them.
Get some kind of parenting software to communicate with your FW and make that your only channel to deal with her.
Reply suggestion: “Who is this? Is this John?” [Assumes OM’s name is not John]
Lmao!
Don’t actually do this. See: If it feels good, don’t do it.
I need to read this. Home page? It’s true. Minus burning things? Felt good and wasn’t bad to do for me.
(…did anybody else kneejerk at “asked for Grace” and thought it was yet another woman? No? Just me?)
This read with two distinct implicit threads here:
1) Your soon-to-be-ex-wife does not understand how consequences (or contraception, apparently) work. She has big emotions-mostly “oh shit, I’m getting kicked out and am moving myself and my children into the home of somebody that hasn’t figured out fidelity or condoms. Outlook not so good”
2) “Travis-I’m begging you to be the bigger man and not hunt me down like the dog I am and cave my head in with a jug of milk over this.”
She is getting plenty of grace from you already. No Contact is pretty darn graceful if I do say so myself. She literally fucked around and found out. Like all fuckwits, there was not the “how is this going to affect me in the long run?” calculation at the moment of…well…conception in this case.
Sure she is stressed out. I am glad she is a good mother (her role modeling leaves a little something to be desired and she is going to have three very interesting conversations with her daughters coming up-even if she does explain away “mommy and daddy don’t love each other anymore”, “I got pregnant with your step dad’s baby while still married to him but before legal separation triggered” probably won’t play in Des Moines, so to speak.) And a hard worker-when this idiot also leaves her when she, you know, cheats again, she will be able to support X+1 children.
“I don’t have to keep my promises to you but you still have to keep your promises to me.” Yeah no. There will be child support payments and a parenting app and partial custody. Everything else ended during D-Day(and looking at the timing-were these idiots cavorting during the lockdown or something?)
“Yeah, if you could just go quietly into that good night, that would be greaaaaaat.”
Our fearless leader caught the tremor beautifully as well-schmoopie coming under the realization that if this kid goes to term that he might be next. Anybody that would cheat WITH you would cheat ON you. Sorta invalidates that whole “I have a lot of empathy for you”-if this moron actually empathized with “chump” he WOULDN’T HAVE CHEATED WITH HER.
I mean, if he cared how Travis here felt I imagine he would have broke it off as soon as he knew there was another man on the tether.
I can’t tell if Schmoopie was using ChatGPT or a therapist to write that whole thing. It’s a very articulate appeal for Travis here not to make things any harder than they have to be. Would be a SHAME if he destroyed her in court, after all.
I feel like Travis is already a good enough man to pay child support and agree to a lack of open hostility. You owe your kids the world-you owe your fuckwit nothing. Let us know if you need moral support at those soccer games and recorder concerts. I may even have a jug of milk you can borrow.
Stay Mighty!
A similar situation happened to one of my brothers (I have a handful of them), except his dolt of an ex-wife only thought she was pregnant by OM, but wasn’t. The OM phoned my brother (any spouse who gives an AP our deets should be sued for doing so). My brother said “come & meet in person & talk to me like a man should”. The guy wouldn’t and hung up when my brother kept insisting. My brother said “I knew then the guy was a weasel & will hurt my wife in the future, but not my problem anymore”. He had a couple of neighbour friends come over, packed up all wifey’s things & put them in storage (she was at a “business conference”). My brother had a cab waiting for her & new door locks when she came home. She threw a fuss, but looking at my brother’s stoic & angry face convinced her to not to push it. She cabbed it over to OMs. Ya, so they didn’t last long. But even if they had, how great can a weasel be for a partner? Or two of them together? Divorce is done & over. My brother said, “I wish her well, but I wash my hands of her”. My parents have done most kid transfers & my brother stays far away when in her vicinity. Even 6 years later. I’m holy proud of him how he handled the situation. He compartmentalized ex-wifey down to a wee tiny box. He did get counseling for him & his 3 kids ( 2 girls 1 boy) so he didn’t repress anything for those who might think he did. He just masterclassed a betrayal partner; whom he realized wasn’t worth any effort.
Your brother is awesome.
Thank you! I think so too! He certainly didn’t get that from our parents who raised us to be simps 🙄
On top of the fact that most people are advised to wait to twelve weeks to publicly announce a pregnancy because that’s when miscarriage risk lowers, 8 weeks sounds too early to determine gender. Since I wasn’t sure if tech had advanced since I was last pregnant, I looked it up but it seems the soonest gender can be determined is still 11 weeks and, even then, it’s with 70% accuracy.
Prematurely pronouncing gender is a pretty strange thing to do, especially for someone who’s been through it before. It suggests STBexFW has some issues. For one, it sounds possible STBex might be into that parareligious Tiktok “delulu manifestation” trend where people think that insisting on a preferred outcome– even delusionally believing in the outcome– will make it happen.
Maybe I’m missing something and there’s some new blood test determining gender right after the first positive pregnancy test? But if not, the fact the “delulu is the solulu to make all your dreams come trulu” fad started with sexually obsessed K-pop fans “manifesting” parasocial relationships with pop idols seems kind of relevant to cheaters in general. This STBex wouldn’t be the first FW in existence who engages in magical thinking.
But that still leaves the question of why she’d wish so hard for a boy. On the one hand, it could be understandable that someone who already had three children of one gender wouldn’t mind having one of the other gender. But preferring a particular gender to the degree that they would jump the gun and risk being wrong and disappointed or looking like a nut doesn’t seem normal.
The potential rashness of this brings up some darker themes (sorry) because it reminds me of studies I’ve read regarding internalized misogyny and widespread “son preference” which report significantly increased risk of postpartum depression in women having female children, particularly for women who’d experienced childhood sexual abuse or those in current abusive relationships.
I read these studies while training as an advocate for domestic abuse survivors and I remember a lot of speculations about why pregnant women trapped in abuse or those who had formerly been abused as children might especially prefer boys. Survivors themselves would sometimes report this related to deep fears that a male partner might be more likely to abuse female children. This seems like it would be an understandable fear in survivors of childhood sexual abuse. But, because domestic violence towards women is invariably themed on sexual control and could be likened to a protracted form of rape, it seems possible that currently abused women– even those who had not been sexually abused as children– might be intuiting the same risk.
In other words, it’s possible all might not be well in Schmoopie paradise and, no big surprise, the AP may be “manifesting” as a jerk. Or worse. I don’t want to catastrophize regarding the safety of the OP’s three daughters around this himbo but the FW’s evident son preference here could raise questions about some risk or capacity she may be sorta kinda unconsciously picking up from Schmoopie. Then again if she’d always been sort of disappointed by having girls, it could point to some long standing issue she came with.
In any event, it’s pretty clear that not only cheaters but also knowing APs have warped sexual boundary issues and both obviously demonstrate capacity for at least psychological and emotional abuse. But who knows. Maybe the STBex has a kooky OB who’s pretending certainty. Or maybe she began trying to “manifest” the pregnancy from the moment divorce loomed out of doubts Schmoops would stick it out and she sensed he’d put more value on a male child.
It’s also possible that they are not being honest about it being “8 weeks” for … reasons. Since his only source for that information is a couple of lying liars, I’m going to go with the simplest explanation: they’re lying because they’re lying liars, and lying liars lie.
I cannot lie, you make a solid point.
Fuckwit could be lying to OM. It’s certainly possible that conception happened when he was out of town and she’s scrambling to to cover that up.
Another solid point— knowing what he knows, the AP may suspect there could be a backup Schmoopie or two lurking around the dank corners of local bars, parking lots, at the gym or wherever one finds integrity-free sperm dispensers. I’m sure if she thought the OP was the father she’d be campaigning to collect child support.
There probably are ReasonsTM why she knows OP wouldn’t believe the pregnancy is his. Otherwise she wouldn’t be the first or last to keep it quiet. Point is you can’t take anything either of them say as fact.
Neither of them were thinking of the Girl’s safety when they started the affair, I’ll say that much.
As a father of three children, your focus needs to be on their well-being.
Have you been co-parenting for months? For years? Do you have room for the kids at your place? Are both parents staying in the same school district? How does a new baby impact the mother’s employment or income?
See how I didn’t mention the other man?
Decide what is best for the kids AND what is in your control. Have your lawyer craft it into the best agreement you can get on their behalf.
New maturity? Wtf is that supposed to mean??
Every time FW (never had any contact with OW) wanted me to clean up a mess, be the bigger person, make life easier for him, feel bad for him re the kids/loss of his family… My response was “You set up this entire situation yourself without my input; not sure why you think I’m on the hook to fix it for you or make you feel better about it.”
Ugh OM, just go away.
Ah. The OM whose actions helped blow up a family and now wants the BS to be BFF’s with him. Oh, and if you don’t treat him well, you’re the one with the problem.
Reality is it sounds like OM does not really want the kid. STBXWW is looking down the barrel of shared custody with three kids, and minimal support for the affair baby.
Yeah….OM just set himself up for child support for at least 18 years. I’m sure he’s thrilled.
My eyes rolled all the way around with this one. I am guessing baby was a surprise to all, and now their bubble has burst. OM had no.intentions of “maturing” beyond being a side piece. Reality is hitting hard and now he has this hot mess in his lap and he has regrets.
As Tracy says, no takesy-backsies! He isn’t giving her what you can’t. That is why she is a hot mess and he is freaking out. Block him, you have nothing to say to him and he has nothing of value to give your life. Be that stable parent for your kids, and yours alone. He and she and love baby is not your concern.
I managed to be cordial enough to my ex during exchanges and written only communications about our son. I have zero interest in his random woman of the month. You have your own pain and work to do and you are doing it all by yourself. No grace from them.
The only grace she gets is silence. Made bed, lie in it. I mean, you can always be the one who is the primary custody parent and she can just pay you child support if it that hard for her. There, grace given.
OMG. This is why people commit murders. It actually is, situations like this. It sounds like this piece of garbage has been fucking around with Man of Grace for over four years. Do I have that right? And now she’s pregnant – why is she pregnant? BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO HAVE A BABY WITH THIS GUY AND CEMENT THE RELATIONSHIP. That’s why. Usually I think when women fall pregnant (or when someone like the increasingly loathsome Dave Grohl, who is now making tedious “cheating” allegations against his wife, impregnate some piece of crap)…it’s because they WANT TO on some level and they are trying to solidify the “new” relationship which is what they view as the next stage of their lives. Of course at some point that will fail too because these pieces of garbage cannot actually conduct adult relationships. They just can’t – their maturity level has not left Romper Room yet. So this was NOT an accident on her part and I wonder how long Man of Grace will tolerate living with her in real life with a baby and responsibilities. I predict much unhappiness and they fucking deserve it.
This is a classic example of WHY YOU DO NOT ATTEMPT RECONCILIATION. When they cheat, end the marriage. End the marriage. End the marriage. Rinse and repeat. Not for you, Travis, but everyone else reading this – END THE MARRIAGE. Recon almost never works in the real world. Maybe in Star Trek human zoo scenarios, but not among actual free ranging humans. Someone who is so discontented with her current marriage who would continue to pursue something and someone else for 4 years -nothing says FUCK YOU as finally as making a baby with another person. And that also says FUCK YOU to the kids too. She is saying FUCK YOU to everyone in her life – except herself because that is all she cares about and that is NOT a good person or a good mother.
Because let us stop this idea immediately that “she is a good mother”. She is a fucking piece of trash. A good mother does not cheat on her children’s father, does not disrupt their homes, does not introduce a piece of garbage like Man of Grace to her kids and into her life, does not inflict a half sibling on them….and guess who will be taking care of that kid at some point in the future – YOUR KIDS because she’ll put that on them. (Ask me how I know.) This is NOT a good person, a good wife, or a good mother, she is the exact fucking opposite. You should know this and THE KIDS SHOULD KNOW THIS TOO. They should know your views of what their mother has done. Most animals are better mothers than your “wife”.
I know this is not helpful, practical advice to you, Travis, but I think it helps to get your mind right and view this correctly. Any woman who would do something like this is NOT a good mother. If I had my way in this world, these people would have NO CUSTODY OR VISITATION RIGHTS AT ALL except whatever the Chump wants to give. Because what they’re teaching their kids is, it’s okay to fuck around on Dad with some other guy and leave Dad, and set up a new house and look at the prize in the cracker jack box – a new baby! And who doesn’t love a baby…but they grow up and then you have a rival for Mom’s interest and affections. And energy.
Do not respond to this asshole as tempted as you might be. Write letters to him and destroy them or keep them in a private journal no one can get at. Don’t talk to him, don’t engage with him. Hire the most vicious blood curdling, rotten, son of a bitch of a lawyer you can and take her (and him if you can) APART. Have ABSOLUTELY NO SYMPATHY at all that this stupid whore is pregnant, that was her own choice. And don’t engage with her either, as little as possible and just about your girls. I don’t know old your girls are but if they are old enough to understand, explain what actually happened to them and DO NOT PROTECT OR SPARE MOM. She really IS that bad. The central sin of our time is narcissism and she has this in spades. Do NO show her kindness or any positive emotion at all, she is an absolute fucking piece of garbage. As a people, we need to regain moral clarity because we have been sympathizing with pieces of crap for too long, trying to explain or understand their crapitude when we should be CONDEMNING it everywhere. And the chaos the country is in now reflects this lack of moral and ethical clarity. Be at least clear in your own mind and let your actions be guided by that and your lawyer.
If you can set up any restrictions to custody or sharing your kids, personally I would do that if you are financially able. This is not a good moral or life influence on them, in fact this could really damage them for life. Emphasize that their mother is an exact example of what NOT to do to your family and kids. That you need to have honesty, and loyalty, and stability to properly raise a family. If they have to be involved with Man of Grace….make sure they understand that no matter how nice he seems, HE DELIBERATELY HURT YOU AND BROKE UP YOUR FAMILY BY CONSPIRING WITH YOUR WIFE. He is NOT a nice person. We have to make sure that children know what people are really like rather than Let’s Pretend We’re All Good People – because that destroys their ability to judge.
You know how to be a good parent, a good dad for your kids. Focus on that, focus on making them feel loved, protected and stable, and do NOT interact with your ex any more than you absolutely legally have to and be sure you have that vulture of a lawyer. Try to get as much custody over your kids as you humanly can – 100% is best but I know that’s hard for a Dad, but try for as much as you can. Do not try to be kind to this evil fucking bitch or her toadie. These people have shit all over you and your kids and now they’re trying to figure out how to make a good face on it. DON’T LET THEM. Moral clarity is your friend.
the OM doesnt seem to know much about parenting – lots of naive/entitiled asumptions in this weak letter attempt to control your emotional responses – would be funny to watch him learn what his priorities really are – they def arent your girls
I hope he would not be a predator around these girls either as they get older and he gets less interested in Mom….as I predict he will. They usually do.
Yeah I agree. I would not trust a grown ass man who f’ed my wife around my girls. Who knows if he likes little kids, or teen girls. Its creepy. Sometimes these narcs go after women with kids.
That would be my concern. A woman with 3 daughters might be a prime target for a freak.
……said one of the arsonists who burned down the bird’s nest with the baby birds and the other parent bird in it……
…..said one of the assailants who beat the emotional shit out of you and three children…..
She’s not a good mom. Good moms protect and strengthen their families. Good people do not lie/deceive/betray/disrespect/violate intentionally inflict emotional stress. Good is as good does.
“Wonderful people don’t screw around with married people, and wonderful married people don’t screw around.”
– Dr Frank Pittman
This letter is an attempt to enlist your aid cleaning up their crime scene (in which you and your children are the bodies) and Pretend Everything Is OK and Totally Healthy and Normal.
For your sake and your daughters’, I support you yelling out that the emperor doesn’t have any clothes. Cheating is wrong, inexcusable, indefensible, and has lifelong life-altering consequences. It causes indescribable never-ending pain, suffering, and damage. The damage travels forward down the generations of the family tree. The ignorant want to deny it. The children pay the price and suffer in their lives going forward as a result. This side piece needs to know ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. He’s not in a position to school anyone, and neither is your so-called wife.
The idea that someone can participate in infidelity and be considered a good parent indicates acceptance of and minimization of cheating.
If I took my daughter on shoplifting missions and called myself a good parent, I’ll bet the same people who think you can cheat and still be a good parent would disagree.
Ahhhh… the anchor baby. Calling her a good mom is BS. She destroyed her daughters family to get laid. I am sure they will be guilted into babysitting, taking care of him, driving him to activities. If they have plans or say no, guilt is a powerful weapon. Why are you punishing a baby? Its so hard to not want a relationship with your mom. But a mom who destroys a family and has a baby with AP is not a good mom. The girls will be an afterthought to the pampered prince. So messed up. Shes a bad mom.
One of my concerns here about Travis is, that as a good guy, which I think he is, and husband of this piece of trash, he might have some sympathy for her just as being a good man and also mother of his kids. He has to STOP THIS KIND OF THINKING if he thinks like this at all. She is a piece of trash. She did this deliberately to hold onto this relationship with the BF, she didn’t care how it would affect Travis, her kids, this baby, or anybody else. I don’t want him feeling ANY sympathy or kindness or helpfulness or anything like that towards her because if she is exhausted or overwhelmed or whatever other bullshit Man of Grace is putting out about her….IT IS HER OWN DAMN FAULT and she should wallow in it ALONE.
This is what I see too with Travis’ kids, and I’ve seen this happen where Mom has an anchor baby for the new relationship and the kids from the first marriage get roped into taking care of it so “exhausted” Mom can do more bullshit. And she’ll try to make it sound like it teaches them “responsibility” or some bullshit like that. Mom and Man of Grace are completely full of bullshit. The real tragedy is what happens to Travis, his daughters, AND the poor baby which is being brought into this mess. A baby is NOT some designer outfit made to complement your sordid life!
It also occurs to me that if this baby IS a boy as they’re saying….he’s going to be treated better, just as you imply, than the girls. He’ll be treated like a prince, which is not his fault, but you know there’s gonna be a differential here between the 3 girls of the old, unwanted relationship….and the boy of this relationship that she wanted to cement. Travis has to be aware of this. She’s gonna treat these girls as inferior to this kid and they’re probably going to be expected to take care of it, just as you say. That’s what I’ve seen before myself.
Travis, I re-read Man of Grace’s letter and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s trying to figure out how to back out of this relationship now that he’s been baby trapped. It sounds like he’s kind of soliciting your help or may be even setting you up to take care of “Mom”. Don’t take care of “Mom”. Fuck Mom. DO NOT GIVE HER ANY ASSISTANCE AT ALL. She doesn’t deserve it and you don’t want to re-establish any marital or paternal connection here. Be very careful that she (or him) don’t try to stick YOU with paternity as you are still married to her and the baby make break this up. Babies often make or break relationships. Talk to a lawyer IMMEDIATELY and figure out how you legally disavow paternity as you don’t want to get stuck with paying for this kid for 18 years.
I got this far:
“First, I wanted to say I understand how hard of a position this is for you “
and I screamed OH FUCK OFF at my computer monitor.
“Thankfully, she’s a good mom, and I trust her with our kids. However, she keeps making poor decisions that impact me and our daughters.”
Ergo, she’s not a good mom. She’s not trustworthy, as at any time she could make another stupid decision that would affect the kids. She doesn’t care enough about them to rein in her ravenous ego for their sake.
The one thing that drives me crazy about chumps is that so many insist that the cheater is a good parent, which is demonstrably untrue, as good parents don’t blow up their children’s world.
I guess if the bar is set so low that consistently feeding them, clothing them, bathing them and patching up physical boo-boos (while causing emotional ones) is good parenting, you could say some of them are good parents. Why set the bar so low, though?
As for the OM, he can go fuck a duck. Ignore ignore ignore.
I feel the exact same way. Everyone tells me “at least he’s a good dad”. HE’S NOT. A good dad would have tried everything to keep his kid’s family together.
I’m 18 months out from D-day and I rarely get angry at FW anymore. But two weeks ago he wanted to change the custody schedule to a week on and off for our DS (5), which I don’t want and wouldn’t work with my work schedule anyways. I’m guessing FW wants the ability to go away for a week with OW.
He had the nerve to say “you need to put DS in the centre”. First time I lost it in over a year.
I admit that I’m guilty of this.
That guy can fuck right off to fuckofftown.
I’ve re-read that letter several times, and there is literally nothing in there. Baby Daddy is not asking Travis to do anything. What he is doing what fuckwits do, which is playing up he obligation he wants Travis to feel. So, you know how it goes, Travis will continue to keep being a good person and look after his slutbag wife. Chumps gotta chump.
My guess is that Baby Daddy has already packed his bags and is planning to gtfo. These sentences read like a classic FW move, justifying the abandonment in advance and framing is as being a “good guy”.
Travis, get legal advice immediately about how you can minimise your responsibility for your wife’s kid.
The AP sounds like a kid who stole another kid’s toy simply because it wasn’t theirs. Now he’s desperately trying to get the chump to show interest because the toy is boring unless it belongs to someone else.
Travis, before you BLOCK him send one text: Hello Mr. Maturity, in a few short months you will be a full-time partner to a disordered woman and her four children. You wanted to get fucked? Guess what? You’re fucked.
First of all your wife is lying cheater. That’s a fact. What good mother destroys their kids family and negatively impacts their future. None. She’s not a good mother.
Your contact going forward should be text or email kids only. There is no need to talk.
You have your time your POS X has hers. Keep everything separate. No shared holidays, birthdays, etc.
Unless you want to be her chump.
Expose everything to everyone. Including your kids.
It’s not your damn job to help hide their affair.
Definition of friend is loyal, honest and trustworthy. Don’t fall for her bullshit.
I can feel the grinding gears of manipulation throughout all of this letter.
I encountered attempted manipulation a lot with both FW 1 and his hideous family, and with FW 2.
He is appealing to (trying to manipulate) your qualities of kindness, decency and commitment to your children.
Those lovely qualities are best applied by engaging a clever lawyer, protecting yourself and being a sane, loving parent to your three daughters.
He is devious and self interested by nature, that’s already known. He doesn’t come across as the brightest tool in the box (too bad, so sad for your ex, she’s been fucking a lemon).
He is also completely, utterly irrelevant.
Block him and deal with your ex only, in polite/shared parenting app/lawyer channels of communication.
No sister-brother triangular wives here….
The nerve of some people! Just because he’s going to the shit show, doesn’t mean you have to ride shotgun. No response is the best response. Stay classy, Travis. We’re here for you.
I want to make it clear that your girls are and will always be a priority for all of this.
My guess is that he sees the “girls” either as potential babysitters, or if too young, he will push the narrative that for the girls to be happy, their baby brother has to receive whatever the older more mature chump dad is providing for his daughters. That means including baby brother in all their fun activities, parties, etc. And for his birthday and holidays, OM may expect the father, rather than the mother, to provide separate gifts from each daughter.
I wonder if Dave Grohl’s baby mama has a spouse, too. If so, I can see Dave using the OM’s letter as a template for how to handle this type of situation in a mature way. (At least the sister wives on tv knew they were sister wives, Dave never informed his wife of that fact.
Exactly. Sister wives on TV were all voluntary. Why anyone would want this is beyond me, but that’s up to them. But it sounds like Grohl has cheated in every relationship he’s been in, long or short term. And now he’s DARVO’ing his wife by trying to say she was flirting with her tennis coach. It’s all so predictable and sad but serial cheaters need to be given a wide berth. They rarely change.
Sounds like AP might have just realised that his soulmate is a fruit loop.
“Please God almighty help me she is nuts. Bruh.”