You Might Be a Chump If…

Well, yesterday we explored how you can be completely blindsided by cheating. I mean, I had no idea. It never occurred to me to ask if he had a 20-year long affair, a kid, dodgy financials, or P.O. boxes. Whoddathunkit, right?

But like all chumps, in retrospect I could kick myself for being such a trusting chump.

So today, it’s time again to ask — in the vein of comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s You Might Be a Redneck If … —  how you might be a chump. What are the signs? (See the clip for inspiration. If you’re a redneck chump — double bonus!)

Ever wonder what quirks are particular to chumps?

You might be a chump (YMBAC) if … instead of a happy marriage you have 80 perfectly tended rose bushes.

YMBAC if… you’ve bought the entire infidelity oeuvre on Amazon and underlined passages for your cheater, only to find them unread.

YMBAC if… you actually sort of believed he was sleeping in his car in Vermont in January.

YMBAC if… you received a tie-dyed license plate cover for Christmas… and that was the best present.

If your cheater has three cars, three motorcycles, four kayaks, and more boxes coming from eBay each day…. and his gift to you is a tie-dyed license plate cover? YMBAC.

If your children don’t really look anything like you… YMBAC.

YMBAC if… you book all your marriage counseling sessions… and pay for them.

Your turn chumps! I’m sure you’ve got material.

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Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago

YMBAC if you assumed the thousands of texts and hours of phone conversations into the late night and early morning was “just” about an emotional affair.

YMBAC if you bought the “need” to go drinking and clubbing multiple nights a week alone or with “the girls.”

YMBAC if doubted your eyes and intuition even with hard evidence of an affair in the furry of a cheater at the height of gaslighting you.

trying2fly
trying2fly
8 years ago

That was the asshole the first 7 yrs of marriage, clubbing almost every week while I was sahm. I was young and naive and did not ferociously complain about this. On one argument he explained he goes to the clubs not to pick up girls but he just liked the atmosphere ( yup the sweet atmosphere of abundant free pussy on heels) Fast forward 7yrs I reminded him of this response and he looks at me blankly. Asshole apparently forgot he told me this.

Moxie
Moxie
8 years ago
Reply to  trying2fly

“(yup the sweet atmosphere of abundant free pussy on heels)”

My coffee just came out of my nose…..hahaha

moose
moose
8 years ago
Reply to  Moxie

Holy crap, that is hilarious!

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago

YMBAC if you watched the movie “Fireproof” in marriage counseling and/or did the “Love Dare” to “win” back your cheater.

nutmegpixy
nutmegpixy
8 years ago

Quadruple Cringe.!! And I had ever other darn book frm the Familylife website. I read every article on that site on marriage all to no avail. Now they have some good info. Just doesn’t apply to a sociopath

Bling
Bling
8 years ago

Watched the movie with ExH. Waste of time. He read the book and underlined all the “to do’s” and the love types. Well when I left….the book got shredded and tossed onto the bed.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
8 years ago
Reply to  Bling

Me.

ME Me ME ME ME.

That sounds like your ex.

Oh, but I’m SURE he asked YOU how HE could be a better husband, right?

WHAaaaAAaAT? He didn’t???

I’m SHOCKED NOT shocked.

beentheredonethat
beentheredonethat
8 years ago

My now ex actually bought me the book for Christmas even though he was 2 years into his second affair with a second ho-worker. I threw the book into a fire pit after I found it. YMBAC if….

Sara
Sara
8 years ago

Irony. Definition.

fishfast41
fishfast41
8 years ago

OMG Triple cringe!! I watched that movie and did the dare too. What a waste of time.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  fishfast41

I’m embarrassed to admit I tried it too! Another waste of my precious time!

TheBetterJamie
TheBetterJamie
8 years ago

Oh no, Divorce Minister!!! I did the 40 day dare, too 🙁
Another spoiler alert; IT DIDN’T WORK!

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago
Reply to  TheBetterJamie

I didn’t do the dare. But did watch the movie. My ex LOVED the movie. I remember her telling me that she loved how Caleb never confronted his wife for cheating but just the doctor. That should have told me everything I needed to know about her extra-curriculars…alas, it took a few more months before that became painfully obvious.

Nord
Nord
8 years ago

What is ‘Fireproof’?

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago
Reply to  Nord

***Spoiler Alert: A movie that made its rounds here in the US among charismatic/evangelical/fundamental Christian circles about a guy addicted to porn who almost loses his wife. She is cheating on him with a married doctor. He does the “Love Dare” which is the nice way of saying the “Pick Me Dance” buys her parents some needed medical supplies then she finds out comes back to him. They do a marriage rededication. Many naive Christians think this is the way to solve marriage issues. Plus, the movie does little to actually address the affair. In my opinion, it is trash.

TwinsDad
TwinsDad
8 years ago

WTF is it with married doctors? That was my ex’s first affair (that I know about). Maybe she saw the movie?

Regan
Regan
8 years ago
Reply to  TwinsDad

Doctors are a cheating group (not all of course) and many women like their status and paycheck (although both are falling) They (many of them anyway) have big egos that need filling! I am a nurse. For many years people said why didn’t you marry a doctor? That is why & then it happened anyway!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
8 years ago

Sounds like the movie makes a justification for cheating.

And for putting the burden on the non-cheater to “win” back the cheater.

What a crock of crap.

What I find particularly REVOLTING is the sanctimony this crap piece of fiction seems to lend to smug ignorant types who use it as justification for counseling chumps. It is further evidence that some people really are quite stupid.

Nord
Nord
8 years ago

Whelp, glad I missed that one. Sounds like mind fuckery at its finest.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago

I wrote a whole post about my disgust regarding that movie and its accompanying book….here: http://www.divorceminister.com/i-hate-the-movie-fireproof/

beentheredonethat
beentheredonethat
8 years ago

Wow, I was so sure that I could fix my marriage by doing the Love Dare! I went too three bookstores looking for the little brown book. I watched the movie…twice. I was so sure this was my saving grace…. Its just like everyone says, a load of crap!

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago

My ex said it was the married doctor who cheats with the wife that reminded him of himself.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Aahahah!

Hahahahaaa!

Of COURSE your ex is like the married doctor! Completely clueless, that one. Ugh.

Glad, honestly? Your ex takes the cake.

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Of course, Glad, because Mr. Sasquatch is, like, a doctor!!

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Geez. Sorry, Glad. 🙁

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago

I have had several religious types try to hoist this movie on me. I can’t stand Kirk Cameron.. can’t stand him. I would reconcile if my STBX had any sense of decency, but alas, he keeps lying and talking to the whore. No amount of medical supplies is going to do the trick.

Sara
Sara
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

That made me lol. Catheter bag anyone?

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago

My ex gave Fireproof as the reason he decided we should reconcile. He said he watched it and didn’t want to be like the guy in the movie. Too bad that was total bullshit and there was nothing sincere about his reconciliation attempt. Turned out it was just a way to try and get out of paying support. I’m pretty sure he was still cheating during the eight months of bogus reconciliation as well. He’s a hardcore Jesus cheater.

ffghtr67
ffghtr67
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

I watched that movie twice during my break-up and even asked WAW to watch it and was thankfully met with indifference. The second time I saw it on I was actually going to text her and let her know…I am very glad I didn’t. That movie set me back a while.

ffghtr67
ffghtr67
8 years ago
Reply to  ffghtr67

I actually asked a line from that movie to WAW. — “Do you think I am a good man?” I wasn’t expecting the answer I got. She said “Yes, but it doesn’t matter.” That will stick with me a while. I hate that movie.

Freefall
Freefall
8 years ago
Reply to  ffghtr67

YMBAC if you watched that movie while your husband hid behind his laptop and you think lalala that could never happen to me. LOL the movie sucked…but how odd my STBb. ashed all the indiscretions in that movie so admittedly! Now I know he was a single site and porn trolling extraordinaire WTH – crazy days!

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  ffghtr67

I was encouraged to watch it. I’m so glad I didn’t. I admit I had a crush on Kirk Cameron in high school but that wasn’t enough to watch it. LOL! I had plenty of other things that set me back.

redless
redless
8 years ago

DM,
The OW “made” my ExH watch that movie Fireproof so that he could find his way back. ExH said “See what a great person OW is!” ugh

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago
Reply to  redless

That’s just messed up, redless.

Resa
Resa
8 years ago

YMBAC if you couldn’t understand why your youth-pastor husband WOULDN’T go to see “Fireproof” with you. I still have not seen it and I don’t think I can.

Arnold
Arnold
8 years ago
Reply to  Resa

Don’t bother, it sucks. Wife cheats because husband is messed up, looking at porn, I think. He is the bad guy, and must win his cheating wife back. Message: cheating is justified.

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago
Reply to  Arnold

Eww, perhaps evil does rule the world….

Fireball
Fireball
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Double CRINGE…..

EnoughAlready
EnoughAlready
8 years ago
Reply to  Fireball

Triple cringe.

Sara
Sara
8 years ago
Reply to  EnoughAlready

Quad to that.

Justine
Justine
8 years ago

He suddenly bought a heap of new clothes and underwear, his phone developed connection problems when he was away on business, I never received the necklace I found a receipt for….
Saw the clues but did not connect the dots.

nutmegpixy
nutmegpixy
8 years ago
Reply to  Justine

OMG! U too? I found a coach purse and a tiffany necklace receipt. Never got em!! They are all the same

Finally realized
Finally realized
8 years ago
Reply to  nutmegpixy

She rated a Tiffany necklace for her birthday. I got a a $30 bouquet. Hmmm.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
8 years ago

You got a birthday present? Better than Cheater #2. Don’t even get me started on anniversaries……GRRRRR!!!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

Her Blondness–I’ve been thinking about you? How are you doing with Cheater #2? (and how are you yourself?)

Fireball
Fireball
8 years ago
Reply to  Justine

He gave me a handcuff charm ONLY, without a chain for my 40th birthday. That was it!!!! I learned later he gave a matching charm to OW with a chain and God only knows what else. He was in law enforcement. After that d-day I hated every gift he ever gave me. He was so thoughtful to his whores. I never bought a chain for that ridiculous charm, I think I LOST it. A-hole STBXh

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
8 years ago
Reply to  Fireball

Wait–

He got YOU, for YOUR birthday, a reminder of HIS occupation.

“Here, honey. I’m fabulous. I’m a cop. And for your special day, here’s a special reminder to put around your neck or wrist (whatever you purchase because I’m too preoccupied) of how fabulous I am. Happy Birthday, which is really about me, if you think about it.”

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago

You actually allowed your cheater to make you believe you were crazy, paranoid, disoriented, too anxious, too high strung, too weird, too negative, not sexy enough, don’t dress right, don’t cook the right meals, are not a good parent, don’t push the tube of toothpaste right, don’t buy the right salad mix, don’t wear high heels.. etc etc etc.

For a while, you really did the introspective work of trying to fix yourself and pretzel to keep your chump. Because you know you have faults and you took the criticism to heart.

If you did these things, YMBAC but alas, you are definitely a quality human being.

Tayra P
Tayra P
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

These words are mine verbatim!

nutmegpixy
nutmegpixy
8 years ago
Reply to  Tayra P

Ditto….damn

magicrain
magicrain
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

if nothing you do is good enough

chapterphoenix
chapterphoenix
8 years ago
Reply to  magicrain

Magicrain that is it really isn’t it? If I listed all the YMBAC ifs I’d be here for weeks. So I’ll take yours and will only add:

YMBAC if you genuinely forgot, forgave, swept aside all the misdemeanours, insults, lies and could not see the fluorescent flashing alarm screaming signs even though you saw them. And then after all that you believed the non existent remorse was real. Only to suffer more of the same shit in different shades and aromas before yep more forgiving, forgetting, sweeping… And so on and so on and so on and…

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  magicrain

Yes, my new name for X is “He-who-cannot-be-pleased.”

(any other Rumpole of the Bailey fans out there? he called his wife “She-who-must-be-obeyed”)

Portia
Portia
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I loved Rumpole anyway, though!!! His nickname for his wife was so appropriate I really couldn’t fault him for having such a sense of humor about it. At least Rumpole was smart enough not to say things like that to her face!

PianoMom
PianoMom
8 years ago
Reply to  Portia

I refer to asswipe as “he who must not be named” ala Voldemort in Harry Potter.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  magicrain

^^THIS!^^

Chumpion
Chumpion
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

newchumpatl, what you said.

jabberwocky1
jabberwocky1
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

Precisely my story too! Wasn’t wrong salad mix though – I didn’t use the right size pot to steam green beans in.

Lania
Lania
8 years ago
Reply to  jabberwocky1

Who the fuck cares what size pot you cook beans in? If they get cooked, they get cooked.
The stupidity of these cheaters never ceases to astound me.

Nat1
Nat1
8 years ago
Reply to  jabberwocky1

Jabber I bet that pot would have been the perfect sise for belting him over the head with!

smallbluething
smallbluething
8 years ago
Reply to  jabberwocky1

I used the wrong knife to slice tomatoes! Ugh.

Freeatlast
Freeatlast
8 years ago
Reply to  smallbluething

I had too many different bottle of shampoo in the shower!!! Gasp! And when I ate chips, they made crunching noises. Don’t know how he tolerated me. 🙂

kb
kb
8 years ago
Reply to  jabberwocky1

Apparently when I cook, there are cooking smells in the house. This is wrong, and I’m trying to kill him. Who knew that cooking a simple pasta sauce with garlic had so much lethality?

ChumpedUpChik
ChumpedUpChik
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

Oh holy of NO-HE-DID-NOT say that! Laughed so hard I fell right off the chair. That. Is. Classic.

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

You have magical powers, kb, could you please give some to me?

Lania
Lania
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

Thats cuz he’s an emotional vampire, and garlic = death for him, you see. 😀
Bring on more garlic!

overcomer
overcomer
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

“Apparently when I cook, there are cooking smells in the house. This is wrong, and I’m trying to kill him.”….

KB….. I laughed so hard thought I was going to pass out!

Sausalito
Sausalito
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

Lol, you don’t buy the right salad mix, really? That is certainly grounds for an affair!

Jen
Jen
8 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

I left my coffee mugs in the sink, unwashed. I left pens in the pockets of my apron that went into the washing machine. I allowed him to treat me like ass.

keelog
keelog
8 years ago
Reply to  Jen

I took the produce sticker off of an apple once and stuck it on the counter absentmindedly (instead of immediately putting it in the trash). And I saved plastic bags so that I could take them to Walmart to recycle (it made the broom closet too full he said). And left my shoes by the door when I got home, instead of immediately walking upstairs to put them in the closet.

All of this ^^^^^^ = me being a “hoarder”. This is what he told everyone in his family and his friends.

Regan
Regan
8 years ago
Reply to  keelog

YMBAC if you actually wondered how you could be the reason he had to cheat on you, the reason he KEPT cheating on you, and then the reason he had to give the other piece of ass up! I was actually responsible for all this without even knowing he was doing it! Talk about the magical powers I have! I make people do all kinds of things without even trying! And, I was willing to try to figure this mindfuckery out!!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  keelog

Keelog–you and I could start a new show, how Hoarder Chumps drove their Cheater to Fuck Around (on the Lifetime channel). I didn’t put my shoes away immediately either [ ;: O], and (even though our downstairs always looked like a home decorating magazine spread) the cupboards were too full of food & different sets of dishes (we entertained a lot).

Our poor long-suffering spouses. You can see how the horrors of living with us guaranteed they would need the solace of another woman….off to flagellate myself for my bad habits…..

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Jen

I kept the refrigerator and pantry too full of food.

I also spoiled the dogs so much that they whined at us to play with them when we tried to watch TV. My bad.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I didn’t do enough of his laundry when the kids were little, I don’t like sailboats and I dress too conservatively (says my Jesus cheater.) I think they actually believe this crap.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

Mine accused me of not wearing high heels, even though I have foot issues. No man is going to tell me how to dress. F him.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

Oh sure. Then it would be complaints how we dressed too slutty or something. Blah blah blah blah. Ultimately their words mean nothing. It’s just painful at the time.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

The thing is, though. you cannot win with these people. Even if your whole closet were full of Louboutins and Manolo Blahniks, they’d still find a reason that you were falling short of the mark and they needed to cheat.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

This is so patently ridiculous, it’s hard to even respond.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

Mine said the same thing about high heels. When I refused to wear them he said I just didn’t make him a priority. Then that was his favorite line and that is what he is still telling everyone. I didn’t tell him what to wear. Pig.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest, how could you? No wonder he had to cheat, what with you keeping food in the house! 😉

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Well, GladIt’sOver, sometimes a Tupperware container would fall out when he opened the refrigerator. You can imagine how irritating that must have been, and caused him to want to have his whatzit stroked by a 20-something (just to relieve the stress). I was such a bad wife.

ReDefiningMe
ReDefiningMe
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Snort. I made the greivous mistake of having cotton balls in the house (they frightened him); buying an onion once in 10 years (no onions ever); and asking him to touch a wet towel (wet towels…wet laundry of any type was scary) once. How dare I.

Someday, someone will chase him in his nightmares wielding wet towels, cotton balls, and waving an onion. Giggle.

Regan
Regan
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Yeah, and while you are at it get those crap streaks out of my underwear woman! You know my side piece is turned off by that, get on it!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

If only they would be honest.

“I HAD to cheat, because you are not strange puss to me, and you don’t revolve around me and tell me all the time how fabulous I am. And even if you could transform yourself into several different women who are all designed to please me, you still wouldn’t do it right. Plus, you’re not the boss of me, and I like to wander. Could you hurry up with my laundry?”

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Sitting here, shaking my head….

hurt1
hurt1
8 years ago
Reply to  Jen

I enjoyed the crab cakes HE made on Thanksgiving – after dday he said to me, “You think I like crab cakes on Thanksgiving?” WTF? I was also a snob & had a job not a career. Go ahead f the OWhore & life will be sooo much better than life with me.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
8 years ago
Reply to  hurt1

hurt1, I still think that crab cakes story is one of the most crazy-assed things I’ve read on this blog. Who turns a Thanksgiving menu into a reason for cheating? Especially since it was his menu choice? gah

You know what, though, this is basically a metaphor for what all our cheaters do. They make choices to suit themselves, then turn around and blame us as if we were the ones who did it.

hurt1
hurt1
8 years ago
Reply to  FoolMeTwice

Even though I was in shock as he had just revealed his cheating a few minutes before, I was able muster a laugh & said, “you have to be kidding.” He answer was to spew all the crap cheaters use to justify their exit.

TiredMomma
TiredMomma
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

>< Been there too… I guess luckily I've gone in to my next relationship very aware of how helpful all the introspective work was now that I'm in a healthy relationship!

Sara
Sara
8 years ago
Reply to  TiredMomma

I was told, when he started hanging out with 20 something single dope smoking losers (he is 41, paunchy, grouchy and recently a braggart) who I feared were a bad influence that “I am the alpha dog. They don’t control me. You don’t control me. NO ONE CONTROLS ME.” Found out he is cheating. I’m new to the chump arena and am still reeling. Apparently I have 4 kids. Not 3. One teenager was hard enough. Ugh.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

Keep your “cheater” I should say

Heather
Heather
8 years ago

I had beautiful gardens and roses bushes. The inside was painted multiple times. It was picture perfect! How funny! A friend commented that it was all filling the gap…. Uh huh!

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Heather

Same here. Once I moved out, my ex tended to the garden and took all the credit for it.

Jeepin4me
Jeepin4me
8 years ago

YMBAC if you thought you would die without the disordered asshole in your life!

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Jeepin4me

I really thought I was going to die during the hellacious first months after Dday. Good Lord, what was I thinking?

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Yes, I remember thinking I wanted to die but could not because of the children….sigh….

It is good to know I am so much better now. But I will never forget or quite fully get over that hurt and pain. It was more immense than the sea.

Marked711
Marked711
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

This^^ The first three days after dday. Glad I no longer owned guns. I would have eased my pain. Good It hurt.

Marked711
Marked711
8 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

**God it hurt!!!

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

“But I will never forget or quite fully get over that hurt and pain. It was more immense than the sea.”

THIS! Thank you Kelly!

hurt1
hurt1
8 years ago
Reply to  Chump Princess

I still had a relationship with my MIL a few months after dday. I remember telling her that I had cried a bathtub’s worth of tears. Her response was “oh really” with a dumbstruck tone. WTF? Your son cheated, ran away & left me financially strapped for months until my attorney had me file for support. What the hell did MIL think I was doing all alone & scared for my future?

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

One of my friends was amused, because she checked with me post-D-Day to make sure I wasn’t going to harm myself, and I said, “No!! because then X would have to raise the 13 yo daughter!”

hurt1
hurt1
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Me too. But with time, pharmaceuticals & an excellent IC, I finally accepted the reality that he was a cheater, a liar & a spreader of an STD. I do get teary-eyed when I think of all the years that were loving & fun.

Jen
Jen
8 years ago
Reply to  hurt1

Hurt1, which pharmaceuticals. Thinking about going back on Lexapro, but open to suggestion.

The real problem is, I don’t think anything would be needed if I was in a place of financial and emotional support freedom. But my family other than my son consists of a bunch of narcissist assholes who love to scapegoat. I allowed my finances to be intertwined with his and we weren’t married. I hate to dump my problems on friends, at least at not until I’m stronger. So which meds work? I think I am going to try Lexapro again, just waiting on insurance.

hurt1
hurt1
8 years ago
Reply to  Jen

Jen,

Lexapro & Wellbutin saved me. Not to be all woe is me, but my parents are deceased & my brother lives overseas with his family.I moved to this area 26 years ago because of ex’s job. He’s gone & so is my financial security (until I’m 59 !/2 years old – 10 years way). Oh, how I wish I had had family to have helped me through this.

Nord
Nord
8 years ago
Reply to  hurt1

The lack of financial security is the thing that keeps me pissed off at times. Everything ‘we’ worked for is gone. He has the money and I’m struggling like hell. It’s not as bad as it was but I definitely do not feel secure. Wish I was the kind of woman to go for a sugar daddy (or young enough to do it!).

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Nord

Yep. I’m more or less meh these days except for the money. I know I will never see the $41000 he owes me. Considering he has moved back in with his father to live rent-free, still has no job and still is doing whatever he feels like doing, it doesn’t seem likely he is going to change. It’s hard for me to believe this is the same man who once had an excellent career and a lovely home.

Mehphista
Mehphista
8 years ago
Reply to  Nord

Mehphista’s momma had the same thing happen, too. Somehow she got there, and is now in comfortable retirement. I think it was just plain grit, she had no choice. But she got her degree, worked her way up through her field, all after age 45. She’s awesome.

I get those days, at which point, I tell myself to shut up, and trust the magic. I think one of the post-chumpery headfucks after finding out you only control you is that the universe really does have the first move sometimes. Living hand to mouth is not what I had in mind, at all, nor am I working in my original field. Scary, but kind of scary good.

I won’t get what I planned, because much of it was connected to what I THOUGHT I had as opposed to what was, which was toxic. What I WILL get, though, is something new. Better. Meanwhile, yep, it sucks to be in your financial teens when rocking towards 50.

“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose”

bug hugs,
x-Meh.

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
8 years ago
Reply to  hurt1

Visiting my only family now, my sister. Today I went to the cemetery and sat on my dad’s headstone & cried & cried. He was so wise, and I so miss his counsel. If anyone had the magic words, it would’ve been him.

moose
moose
8 years ago
Reply to  Jen

Team Lexapro here!

Blown Away
Blown Away
8 years ago
Reply to  moose

Started with Lexapro, needed more support through Christmas and was put on Paxil…I am even a better me!

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
8 years ago
Reply to  Jeepin4me

That’s right! How amazing that life can actually be easy, and we didn’t die!

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
8 years ago
Reply to  Jeepin4me

Amen!

Ashley
Ashley
8 years ago

YMBAC if you find a profile for Adult Friend Finder setup to his name and you believe it was because Microsoft AutoFill inputed his information even though it was his “friend” who was using the computer and site…

YMBAC if when he says ” Get health insurance, I want a divorce” over the phone part of you thinks he must still care for you in some capacity because he’s worried about your health

YMBAC if you catch him in more than 10 lies and you believe he only lied because he was afraid of your reaction to the truth (despite the number of times you’ve told him lying is far worse)

YMBAC if you send in all your post separation emails to some “save your marriage alone” guy on the Internet to ensure you are dancing the pick me dance properly

Today would have been our 5 year anniversary…today happily single (most days) and laughing that she took him off my hands.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Ashley

YMBAC if your husband’s Internet search history contains the phrase, “guys fucking,” and when you ask him about it, he glares at you and replies, “So what?”

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Or how about finding Plenty of Fish (dating site) saved on his computer and deciding he confused it with something about the ocean because he is a scuba diver?

just another chump
just another chump
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

YMBAC if you find a credit card statement with Ashley Madison listed and you actually believed him when he said it was a bill for the head hunting firm that recruited him for his vice president postion he was hired for…..

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago

He was telling the truth…. he was hunting for head!

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
8 years ago

Head hunting. heh

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

You win Nicole, that’s priceless!

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

Do I win a year’s subscription to POF? 😉

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

Only if it connects you with NON-CHEATERS!!

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

Amen to that.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Lol! I’m brighter than that I promise. Just hardcore chump.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

Some of these are SOOOOO funny!
Have a happy weekend Chumps, go have some fun!

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Ashley

Ha Ha Ha “save your marriage guy on the internet”… I so did that!

Ashley
Ashley
8 years ago
Reply to  Ashley

Oh yes…and how could I forget….YMBAC if you were the mistresses clothing and believe you still might be able to save your marriage

Jenn
Jenn
8 years ago
Reply to  Ashley

Ashley..today would have been my 16th anniversary! Thankfully it was just “another day”. It’s been over a year since he decided to leave his family for the OW. I am finally comfortable with my life!

Chumpfor21
Chumpfor21
8 years ago

YMBAC if you believed in your heart that he LYBIILWY …and found out that Schmoopie moved into your former home on FB.

Chchchchchanges
Chchchchchanges
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpfor21

His girlfriend (nothing against her, I’m just afraid for her) put up a new FB profile photo…she’s obviously standing on the balcony of the condo that I STILL PARTIALLY OWN because it’s taken my ex this long to refinance (closing might be Monday, fingers crossed). The divorce went through in July 2013.

Jeepin4me
Jeepin4me
8 years ago

I did all those things newchumpatl! I must be a Chump!!!

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Jeepin4me

Ah, but you are a quality person….

Kimberly
Kimberly
8 years ago

Your idiot, irresponsible, immature, lying, cheating, unprofessional, moronic douche bag gets fired for sexual harassment and you suspect he was sleeping with the accuser or others and you don’t follow your intuition and stay with him anyway!

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Kimberly

My ex had multiple affairs with coworkers, threesomes and orgies, sent pictures of his dick to a woman there, ran naked through a public park to “surprise” another guy there. And yet when they told him he could quit or be fired, he threatened to sue THEM for sexual harassment.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Glad,

You should write a screenplay.

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago
Reply to  Chump Princess

Yes, Glad, YOU should write the screenplay and be the one to get fame and fortune, instead of Sasquatch man. Wouldn’t that be sweet??

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

Kelly, I like your style! Go for it, Glad. You could get the Coen brothers to direct.

Jen
Jen
8 years ago
Reply to  FoolMeTwice

Are they the ones that did “The Big Lebowski?”

“This aggression will not stand, man!”

Meg
Meg
8 years ago
Reply to  Jen

Call your movie “Delusional”

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

That is just gross !

ChumpedtotheMax
ChumpedtotheMax
8 years ago

YMBAC if…he leaves to go on a surprise cruise trip (without you) and you send him texts wishing him a nice time.
YMBAC if…you write a check for his airline ticket from his recent trip to Germany to visit your son (who he visited one day but spent the rest of the week in a different town telling you he didn’t want to be “picked on by his family”) and then you see the name of his old girlfriend pop up on his phone shortly after.
YMBAC if…you garden, cook, work, pay bills, taxi children, book romantic vacations alone with a man that will tell you you are a frigid pole if you dare mention his affair and constantly remind you of what a bad mother and wife you are therefore he needs to cheat, (oh and you actually feel sorry for him and go to MC to save the rotten marriage)
YMBAC if…you let the MC convince you that if you just tried harder, “knocked his socks off in bed” or tried to do your best thwart his temper tantrums, that he may actually really become the man and companion you thought you married.

magicrain
magicrain
8 years ago

or a trip with “co-workers” to mexico. only to find out the ticket only had his and her name on it, along with the hotel reservations

Glinda
Glinda
8 years ago

Wow, ChumpedtotheMax,great MC. And that was a chump, too. Paying for it.

Kraft
Kraft
8 years ago

Chumpedtothemax, You totally get it !!!! Ditto.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago

Sounds like our marriage counselor… I was BAD at the pick me dance. REAL BAD.

Kraft
Kraft
8 years ago

YMBAC…….if you trust that most people are good.

YMBAC…….If you took back and forgave a cheat. Only to be burnt again 🙁

YMBAC……if you let a MC/psychologist tell you that you need to own your part of the blame in your cheating spouses affair!!

Wow, I could do this all day :))

KarenE
KarenE
8 years ago
Reply to  Kraft

Oh Kraft, that hurt! Because despite pretty much everything here fitting, these are the ones that fit me best.

Hi, my name is Karen, and I was SUCH a Chump. (Not anymore, though!!!!)

Jules
Jules
8 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Me too Kraft….you just described everything about me and my story! I did the best “pick me” dance only to be cheated on again…but this time he left me and moved in with the ugly OW. That was a year ago…and I’m with you Karen–NOT ANYMORE!!
LOL at all the great comments!!!

TiredMomma
TiredMomma
8 years ago

YMBAC if… you believe your spouse when he wants to give a “random” female co-worker $1000 to help her and her struggling family because it’s the “right thing to do.” And she’ll pay it back…yeah right…

willowchumpx30
willowchumpx30
8 years ago
Reply to  TiredMomma

OMG my cheater pants is ALWAYS helping someone! some friend of a friend. The magic amount was 5k. Every time. For years I believed him. Add this to my list of being a chump. Damn what a gullible ass I was.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  TiredMomma

My ex also was given $1000 by a woman who was renting a room in his house during our separation and during bogus reconciliation after Dday. I was suspicious about the relationship between the two of them, they seemed to always be texting each other and having long talks late at night. Long after she had moved out of the house and long after our reconciliation ended, I actually emailed her to ask if anything had ever gone on with them. Got a bizarre response, and then that very same day she loaned him $1000 to help write his book about himself (I saw the check on the bank account record.) I still don’t know for sure, but I assume my suspicions were correct and they were sleeping together.

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
8 years ago
Reply to  TiredMomma

OMG, mine did this too! He gave $1000 to his assistant to help her through some tough times. His assistant was horrible at her job and it had been suggested to him on several occasions by other managers that he should let her go. He told me he felt bad for her…now I’m wondering if he f’d her too but I never asked him when I found out about all the others. He was either f’ing her or she knew about his other ho workers and it was hush money. The $1000 did get paid back but I was pissed when he gave it to her. A manager should never lend money to a direct report – I tried to tell him there has to be a company rule about this! She still works for him to this day.

hurt1
hurt1
8 years ago
Reply to  ByeByeCheater

A manager should never fuck a subordinate but the only thing under ex was the OWhore.

TiredMomma
TiredMomma
8 years ago
Reply to  ByeByeCheater

Yes! The OW was TERRIBLE at her job and even he talked about how he needed to let her go (he was her supervisor as well). I kept wondering why he kept her around…and found out the hard way of course.

The fun part was that I worked there too…so I turned in the evidence of their affair to the GM, and they were both “invited to leave.” Lol!

TiredMomma
TiredMomma
8 years ago
Reply to  TiredMomma

Oh the follow up – of course that turned out to be the OW… She paid it back all right…

Though, I guess at this point I’m kinda grateful, she has the crazy messed up narcissistic relationship (they are BOTH narcissists), and I actually have a loving, caring person who makes me feel like a princess. 😀

trying2fly
trying2fly
8 years ago
Reply to  TiredMomma

Was it paid back in pussy currency?

nutmegpixy
nutmegpixy
8 years ago
Reply to  trying2fly

How about “dyk currency?” lol My exazzhole told me he was helping a male friend cheat. That’s why thousands of dollars were missing from the account and there were umpteen hotel charges on the statement. And his response when i said well where is the money he paid u back? “Uhhh I spent it!” WTF?!!! A guy helping a guy cheat? yeah….right…..

Just around the bend
Just around the bend
8 years ago
Reply to  trying2fly

I thought it was called “Bit on the side” coin.

Patsy
Patsy
8 years ago

Haaaaa!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago

lol!!

FT
FT
8 years ago

YMBAC if you actually believed that the reason he phoned you several times a day was because he actually cared about you and wanted to speak to you.

just another chump
just another chump
8 years ago
Reply to  FT

My x used to blow a gasket if I didn’t let him know my work schedule (I’m a shift worker), when I had appointments or even when I made plans to do the grocery shopping.

RED FLAG – spouse wants to know your whereabouts at all times but can’t be located, contacted or even vaguely describe their itinerary for you!

kar marie
kar marie
8 years ago

Or texts “are you getting off early today?” when I had slowdowns at work. Mother effer! His business at our house, now my house, its still here. Yeah right so he could get her out of my bed before I got home. I made the bastard buy me a new bed. A virgin bed!

April
April
8 years ago
Reply to  kar marie

A Virgin bed. I love it!

hurt1
hurt1
8 years ago
Reply to  April

For a few years after dday before I thought about dating, I called myself a born-again-virgin as ex was the only man I was ever with sexually.

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  hurt1

Yes me too. I was one for one. One fucktard to many. He probably lost count.

Jen
Jen
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

I’m impressed. He was number five for me, two of them were long term, engagements even.

My sister has numbers and thinks this makes for good experience. So does my son’s father, who when trying to woo me back imbetween breakups with current x, used his experience as a selling point. He said he’s gotten to be quite good now, better than he was when he was my fiancé/baby daddy.

I just do not care. Neither of them were the best I’ve ever had and I would venture to say I taught both of them a thing or two. It’s not about numbers. It’s about spirit, connection, and for gods sake just knowing what you’re doing.

They are so empty, of course they need multiple partners.

StrongerEveryday
StrongerEveryday
8 years ago
Reply to  FT

Yup, me too. And he used to call on his way home to joke that I needed to make sure my boyfriend was gone. It’s so funny I forgot to laugh.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
8 years ago
Reply to  FT

Shit, Shit, Shit !!!!!!
This makes me so mad! He would call me when I was on my job driving in a fucking blizzard, at night, to ‘see how you are’, and what’s your ETA?
It took me forever, and the find my phone app, to see what he was doing- running home to our house ten minutes before I got there. Ugh, I am a great big Chump, I thought he was caring about my welfare. I think he was, a little, but it was like 95/5, his kibble fun/my safety

bibi
bibi
8 years ago
Reply to  FT

Oh Yes thats so everything I got…and CL the not avail when calling his phone. He has said recently….but I called you all the time because I cared. I know he called all the time to get his kibbles and to chart my whereabouts/

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Mine would call to make sure I was at the park with our son, then bring OW to our house to fuck her.

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Yep: screenplay.

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Mine NEVER answered his phone when I called him…it was always “dead” or he was on a work call or he was out of cell range, etc. But whenever his phone rang at home (especially if we were in the middle of family time, dinner, discussion) he was johnny on the spot. Passive-aggressive douche.

SSSF
SSSF
8 years ago

YMBAC if you are happy he is going out with co-workers because he works so hard and never had many friends.
YBMAC if he calls you to wonder if he should drive home drunk and then you say, “NO, Honey, be safe. Stay at the office for tonight.”

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  SSSF

You know your a chump when you open the mail and there are records of him getting HIV testing within weeks of DDay.

YMBAC if you find period stains on your new sheets and you are post menopause.

YMBAC if he is no longer interested in sex because of excessive masturbation and porn use.

YMBAC if he constantly looks at young girl and on DDay you imagine he found a beautiful replacement only to find out she is ugly, trashy, addicted to drugs, gambling, alcohol, and has a history of disorderly conduct, assault, and mental health issues. Yes, I was replaced by miss piggy!

Tessie
Tessie
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

YMBACI………..
He drools over his brother’s wife who is a tall willowy brunette, while you are a petite blonde. He says you should dye your hair to match hers. You think, well he’s entitled to his opinion.
You get into a small fender bender and you are upset and crying when you get home. He looks at you with those dead reptilian eyes and tells you to shut up. ……and you do.
You go to one session with a MC , cheater ex admits to an affair ongoing, and the MC refuses to even address it. You don’t stand up for yourself.
You find yourself with an outbreak of a permanent STD when the only person you have had sex with in the last ten years was him, and he accuses you of cheating and exposing him to it. And you don’t throw his worthless cheating mass out because you haven’t connected the dots.
Yep…..a chump to the core…..that was me. I’m older and a lot wise now. ZERO tolerance for narcissistic bull now. Thanks to CL for helping me understand better how they operate.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

“You know your a chump when you open the mail and there are records of him getting HIV testing within weeks of DDay. ”

My ex used to donate blood all the time, and this was back in the days when they would ask you not to donate if you were a man who slept with men. He would just lie about it. It wasn’t until years later that I realized he was using the blood donation process as a covert way of getting HIV tests. Actually, it amazes me he never tested positive after all of his gay bath house exploits.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

Oh Donna, big deal! Be happy! Water seeks it’s own level, who knew it was sewer water. He sounds like my ex, he met his “twin” on Facebook ! She can have his stupid ass!

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Roberta, it didn’t sound flip. It is right on. I would come home from work smiling and he would be angry. I kept saying, he just doesn’t like it when I’m happy. I love my job, my family, and my home. He was a dick plain and simple, yeah right. That is being too kind. The other woman is a classless whore. But him, he is an idiot. Both my therapist and lawyer both said he is dumb. I am laughing because the dick got a whore who makes less than half my salary. You have to be pretty limited to give up your entire family for a cheap fuck. He has no retirement and I kept my pension. He is pissing through the money he was supposed to be saving for our retirement home. I know he is NOT happy. She has him posing with a fucking lap dog with bows, listens to country music, and sits at a casino for hours with her on his lap chugging beer. He likes none of these things!! In the past I always took him back, this time I filed. He is also close to 60, balding, hearing loss, pisses the bed, and is the most boring person I have ever met. Narcissists do not age well and his supply is GONE. He doesn’t work for 5 months out of the year and instead of getting a job to hold him over he goes on fuck hunts for other women. I have finally detoxed from this asshole. He was always thinking he missed something. Yes, I agree. He missed a link to morals, appreciation, and love. I am past the Who, What, When, Where, and Why of the discard. There is no logic to their distorted reality. I expect some day a narcissist wakes up and realizes there is an ugly whore attached to the used up vagina. Lets face it, they are fucked if they stay with the OW and fucked if they don’t. They have no where to go. We are free!!! Our life will be so much better. I am sure of this.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

Donna, we dodged a bullet. Let the HO take care of them! I agree they don’t age well. My ex has been nothing but sick, actually was hospitalized and has a central line in now because he gets so many infections in his lungs. He’s a mess! He’s stuck with that nasty piece of trash he found on Facebook now and no one in the family will have anything to do with him! I have been told he isn’t happy, but he supposedly wanted the divorce so he could be with the tramp! It’s just tragic all around!

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

It is tragic for them Roberta. At this point almost a year from DDay I cry less and have shifted my focus on my future. He try’s to inch his way back to familiarity using my granddaughter. She shares information about his life. He got a new vehicle (spending the money he hid). Asks how I’m doing (mask on) and missing supply. I was a forgiving person once. I have changed for the better. I remind myself that I am worthy of respect. I have become selfish with my love. He too wanted a divorce and never filed. He was confident I would do the pick me dance. My therapist said if I ever went back with him he would destroy me by upping the injury. I never wanted to face the pain and hoped he would change. We dated at 16 and got married at 21. We had three children and struggled. I loved my life and tolerated the abuse for 36 years of marriage. He was stuck developmentally and lived like a teenager. He always worked against me and blamed everything on me for many years. As sick as it sounds I loved a cold calculating narcissist tha lead a double life. It’s on them Roberta. The other women are objects. They only love themselves. I am grateful he has limited contact with our adult children. I have finally detatched from him and the false memories, complaints, detective work, lies, other women, triangulation, Reconcilliation, and hopium. We have ourselves back. That is what we can control, a brighter future.

TBC Girl
TBC Girl
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

I agree with Chump Princess. With a few minor detail changes this was my life also. Always looking the other way with the emotional abuse that comes with the territory of a narcissist.

Thank you, Donna, for putting this so eloquently.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

Thank you for this comment Donna. It was something I needed to hear today. It was heart-healing.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Sorry Donna, that comment sounded flip. What I meant was, we are far better than the OW and deep inside our cheaters know this. They pick these unfortunate looking ,dumb as a box of rocks ,sub humans to make them “feel” superior! The ex is a miserable wanna be intelligentsia, problem is, he’s stupid as shit! She just makes him “feel” smarter! Besides, it’s hard to show her how brilliant and successful you are when your ex wife just stripped you of every damn thing you worked for all your life PLUS your future earnings and retirement pay too! Let Miss Piggy have him! She has a broke 60 year old man. Lucky her!

Debbie Nichls
Debbie Nichls
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

NewbieChump: Yes, but she’s so non-judgmental and understands what his struggles are at work! And he’s met her husband, and he’s okay with them having lunch together and going out to talk about work.

StrongerEveryday
StrongerEveryday
8 years ago
Reply to  SSSF

Same here, SSSF.

Jen
Jen
8 years ago

What about a cab?

StrongerEveryday
StrongerEveryday
8 years ago
Reply to  Jen

Jen, I believe that’s what this whole YMBAC post is about. The answer is: I was a chump.

Hopeful Cynic
Hopeful Cynic
8 years ago

Aside from all the tell-tale traditional red flag signs of cheating…

YMBAC if your spouse acts like an entitled teenager instead of a partner.

YMBAC if you do research on open marriages after d-day.

Chumpednomore
Chumpednomore
8 years ago

YMBAC if you have Plastic Surgery and think you really did it for yourself.

Champ, Not Chump
Champ, Not Chump
8 years ago

YMBAC if a woman’s shirt that is not yours turns up in your suitcase after he flies to see you (at his vacation condo) after being apart for 2 months.

YMBAC if after that two months, you think that he made the effort because it’s Valentine’s Day weekend, but he has the chance to rent his condo and net a couple hundred bucks, so you spend 11 hours driving home on Valentine’s Day.

YMBAC if he thinks far enough ahead about Valentine’s Day to ask you to edit a photo of him and his daughters so he can have it printed and framed for each of them… and completely forgets it’s Valentine’s Day while you’re driving his ass 11 hours home.

YMBAC if you also notice his phone is now always left in his car or pocket when he’s at your house, even though he used to leave it on the counter, and you think it’s not good news, but you also don’t think you should leave without solid proof.

And best of all, YMBAC if even though you finally realize he’s having at least one affair, he treats you like a convenience, and you want out, but think you should stick it out a couple more months because you don’t want to dump him before he has knee surgery or right before his birthday.

YMBA reformed C if you’re lucky enough to meet the man I did right after I set myself free and finally realize I’m worth being treated like I’m the love of someone’s life. 🙂

igotthesilver
igotthesilver
8 years ago

Yep! HUGE clue! My ex used to leave his phone out in the living room charging or laying around overnight…suddenly it was attached to him and never left his person. Well, except that one day he left it out when he went running and I read all of their disgusting unicorn and rainbow lovey dovey texts with LOTS of emojis. I texted her from his phone that she should tell her boyfriend to password protect his phone and left. Long story but we had a vacation plan the next day and he went anyway without me!!!! WHO DOES THAT? He said we “needed a few days to clear our heads.” Yes, she and her husband were friends of ours. And yes, she told him the next morning that she was taking US to the airport. Which, he of course knew was a lie because he knew I knew because he was reading her emails…

joyce
joyce
8 years ago
Reply to  igotthesilver

Ymbac … when you see a friend request he send to a downgrade on fb and swears that his fb has been acting up and is sending random friendship request .

Champ, Not Chump
Champ, Not Chump
8 years ago
Reply to  igotthesilver

Yeah, when the only time you see his phone is when he’s texting first thing in the morning, when he’s trying to hide that he has it when he goes to the bathroom for a long sit, If he grabs it and tucks it away when a text comes in when it’s lying on the console in the car… LOL

I have never looked in anyone’s wallet, gone through their papers, let alone poked through a phone, but when I was at his place one night and got up to let the dog out at 3am and saw it sitting on his counter charging…well, you better believe I looked. For all his stealth, he also did not have it password protected. All I had to see was that there were several emails and replies to emails from a “username@talkmatch.com”. Didn’t even bother to read any of them, because it didn’t matter. It meant he had to have a live account if he answered email.

Made the excuse that I couldn’t sleep, went home, found his active profile, composed a very short ‘dump’ email and waited. Sure enough, probably 5 minutes after he got his arse out of bed, the profile went to “online now.” I took a screenshot, pasted it in the email and hit SEND.

Done! Thank god I wasn’t married to the idiot, and getting out was relatively easy once he stopped stalking me!

igotthesilver
igotthesilver
8 years ago

Champ, Not Chump- Yes! I already had red flags- my intuition was SCREAMING at me. I’m not a big snooper either. I just needed proof and then poof 15 years of marriage was OVER…after he went to go run the marathon I started calling lawyers and moving half of the money. He had the nerve to text me that he PR’d. You know, in case I cared. Meanwhile I could only eat rice and would even puke that up thinking about them…ASSHAT

Jen
Jen
8 years ago

That is so awesome. He had a match profile that isn’t active, but he checks the matches. (I looked at his email and knew he had read them.). I signed up for match.com with an awesome profile knowing he would likely get me as a match. I used a picture I cropped him out of as a profile pic. I only kept it open a month because I was getting emails I had no I tension of responding to. I hope he saw it though. I can play passive aggressive too!

trying2fly
trying2fly
8 years ago

YMBAC if you sleep with the fucker after a few hours of catching him in bed with the fugly owhore because you believed his lies and excuses ( seriously suffered from emotional/ psychological abuse)

YMBAC if you seriously considered believing the fucker that his online dating profile with his PIC was set up for a work colleague. Work colleague I was told could not approach women therefore enlisted his help to….to…to create a dating profile with assholes PIC. With asshole trolling the site for potential fuck buddies. With asshole online chatting/ calling/ meeting/ fucking these online hoes. I’m still trying to figure out how this helped said work colleague * insert sarcastic eye roll*

Chumpguy
Chumpguy
8 years ago

YMBAC if your wife shows up at 2:30 AM and says, “I just got a ride home from some guy, don’t make a big deal of it, I didn’t want to wake you up to have to come get me…”

YMBAC if you think, “My God, she wouldn’t actually demolish a 30+ year seemingly great marriage…by doing what it sure seems like she’s doing. Would she?”

YMBAC if you find yourself groping to change how you dress, look, relate because she always seems irritated at you for no reason that you can understand.

YMBAC if the harder you work to try to please her and up your game, the angrier she gets.

Yep, I could keep this up for quite a while.

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago

YMBAC if the OW visits you at your home when you’re alone (pre D-Day), and you greet her with lemonade, homemade cookies, and an inviting chase lounge outside for her to relax on a hot summer day, and she, without asking your approval, takes off her shirt and bra and starts to “catch some rays” topless….and, though you think it a bit odd, you say nothing because you don’t want to offend her.

YMBAC if, right after D-Day, the same OW comes over to your house uninvited when she realizes you know the truth, sits in a chair in your living room, with your husband by your side on the sofa, apologizes for what has happened, and states “he will never cheat on you”…..AND YOU SO DESPARATELY WANT TO BELIEVE IT, THAT YOU BUY INTO THAT OVERFLOWING CROCK OF BS!

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
8 years ago
Reply to  Boudica Reborn

Sounds like she liked the Cake Eating setup, so they put together this little act to placate you.
And, she likes to show off her boobs! Aren’t they special???

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago
Reply to  FreeWoman

They were SO special, that, when I had my D-Day (in the form of sexts and emails to my then-husband), they included shots of just “The Girls”. My secondary reaction (after the first initial devastating shock), was “well…I certainly recognize THOSE!!”

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
8 years ago
Reply to  Boudica Reborn

Sounds likE Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct.

Thankful
Thankful
8 years ago
Reply to  Boudica Reborn

You have me snorting.

The more I read this stuff the more I am coming to understand churches consist of three main types of people, the narcissist, the passive aggressive and scapegoat, those labled as angry, outspoken, too black and white, unforgiving, judgmental or not really walking with God because their views differ from those in the first two categories.

Life is too short to submit to people who care only for themselves.

Let go
Let go
8 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

This the reason I have never been able to get my Christian husband to go to church. He says that when you put “organized” and “religion” in the same sentence all hell is going to break loose.

Friend
Friend
8 years ago
Reply to  Boudica Reborn

Holy cow.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
8 years ago
Reply to  Boudica Reborn

Well, isn’t she just one special lying exhibitionist cheater pants manipulator?

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

LMAO! Yes..yes she is….
Meanwhile (post divorce), I discovered that their affair is one of the worse kept secrets in our (my former) church, as my ex is (still) an Elder in that church, and she is the wife of another Elder in the same church. Both poster children for Jesus Cheaters.

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
8 years ago
Reply to  Boudica Reborn

Wait, she’s a wife of a church elder? Topless sunbathing? I swear, I canNOT keep up with religious trends these days!

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Boudica Reborn

Glad you left that church. Yuck! My husband was an elder at our non-denominational church and they kicked him out immediately from the elders and his teaching position. There are churches who follow the laws of the bible.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

Wtf is it with the churches and the big shots in the churches? I’m anointed by God and can do no wrong? Fuck it, annoys the hell out of me cos the same assholes call atheists immoral.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
8 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

I’ve repeatedly mentioned the holier-than-thou-God-has-brought-us-together associate past(wh)or(e) who is the OW in my case. The STBX was an agnostic (at best) until being a Christian and going to church was the price of admission to her vagina and lofty lifestyle. I have no ministerial credentials, but even with my simple layman’s faith I understand that God does not cause nor condone something he has called out as sin, nor does God have any part in chaos and destruction of a family.

Perhaps they should both read the passage in the bible which talks about God not being mocked and what a man soweth he shall reap.

overcomer
overcomer
8 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Datdamwuf IMO, just like predators hang out were their prey lives, a lot of narcissists hang out where their prey lives…they camouflage themselves in positions of power so their prey will be powerless, i.e., church leaders, lawyers, paramedics, doctors or any position they can create a hologram of superiority, heroism or ultimate humbleness/kind volunteer….to prey on unsuspecting targets…its all about feeding their ego.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago
Reply to  overcomer

When I was interviewing to get into the US Navy as a chaplain, the officer interviewing me was very clear this was a concern. They really wanted to avoid the narcissists. And apparently its a problem with pastors. Plus, I would add they do not require a class on ministerial sexual misconduct for no reason at seminary. Clearly, these issues are old hat for clergy, sadly. But that does not mean we are all bad just as not all counselors are bad. There are so doosies, though.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  overcomer

I totally agree overcomer, churches are full of them because of great chump supply.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  overcomer

add College Professors to your list–tons of adoring students worshiping their intellect. Narc’s paradise.

Jen
Jen
8 years ago
Reply to  Boudica Reborn

And Latter Day Saints? They are the worst. We need to keep them out of political office. I’m not saying this because I am racist, I’m saying it because I had a first hand look inside, and it seriously messed up. There are good people submitting to a horrible dogma. Kind of like chumps submitting to cheaters.

AhdDib
AhdDib
8 years ago
Reply to  Jen

Sigh, when will people stop attaching the actions of an individual to the church. As an LDS guy, the church promotes chastity. You should talk to that person’s bishop…

alexandrathechump
alexandrathechump
8 years ago