You’d Like the Affair Partner If You Really Knew Them

Hey, you’d like the affair partner if you ever met them! You have so much in common!

One of the classic “Stupid Shit Cheaters Say” utterances is, “You know, if you met (the Schmoopie), you’d really like (him/her)! They’re a lot like you!”

Yeah, you know if the circumstances were different, and this person wasn’t fucking your partner, I’m sure you’d really enjoy scrapbooking together.

It’s a patently moronic cake fantasy come to life.

You’re all just interchangeable really, united in your love for the cheater. How can you take offense? They’re a GOOD PERSON just like you! If you could get over your unreasonable prejudice, you’d see that! But I guess you’re just too consumed with bitterness and jealousy, alas.

I see this again and again in my mail from chumps — once outed, the cheater feels totally emboldened to talk about the affair partner in glowing terms to the chump. Of course, this has the intended effect of goading the chump into more frenetic pick-me dancing. I’m sure part of the Mindy-Is-So-Awesome! phenomenon is deliberate and intentionally hurtful, but the other part is narcissistic cluelessness.

Hey, what really matters here is MY happiness.

Can’t you be happy for them?

I’ve never felt a love like this before!

She has really big tits!

He so gets me. Like, the REAL me. He believes in my natural selection/screen play/get rich quick scheme unlike YOU. 

Why do cheaters think you’d like the affair partner?

That you’re going to slap them on the back and congratulate them on their good fortune? Well DONE, Forsythe! You really bagged a gem there!

Or perhaps they’re thinking that you’ll just graciously concede defeat and walk off the field? It would be really unsportsmanlike of you to ask for a decent divorce settlement.

Or maybe you’re supposed to nod in agreement? “Oh yeah, Bob is ALL THAT. And did you notice what a fine head of hair he has? Is that his natural color? Just wow.”

Here’s some advice — shut that shit down.

The minute your cheater starts playing compare and contrast to their fuckbuddy? You’re DONE. The conversation is OVER.

I realize some therapists encourage this crap, so you know, you examine all the dynamics that drove them to cheat, and what needs you weren’t meeting, like your male pattern baldness and such. (Did you see Bob’s hair?)

But really, why would you spend one second competing with an affair partner? This is a marriage commitment, not the Hunger Games.

Know your worth.

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Gonegirl
Gonegirl
5 years ago

The reason why me an OW will never be friends is that I have a set of morals and she does not.

Those darn 10 Commandments!

FYI_
FYI_
5 days ago
Reply to  Gonegirl

@Portia ” … he was not familiar with God, and I was sure God had not sent him to anyone — unless he was some form of punishment …”
😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Portia
Portia
5 years ago
Reply to  Gonegirl

My ex#1 finally found an Asian woman who would marry him after floundering around for about 10 years. He “dated” some real winners in the meantime. For some reason, none of the OW he had while we were married were around when we divorced. I think it was an issue of seeing him without the attractive framing of the marital assets??? Anyway — my son’s became quite adept at spotting the flaws with the date da jour’s. They did not like the one he decided to marry, either, but that did not deter either of them.

She was a “Christian” woman, who knew of his past crappy behavior, but believed “he had changed” and she claimed she had prayed for a husband (to support her and get her a green card) and God had sent her my Ex#1. I assured her that 1) he would never change, and 2) he was not familiar with God, and I was sure God had not sent him to anyone — unless he was some form of punishment for something bad she may have done? She, of course, just bought his story that I did not want him to be happy.

Since they have been married, her obsession with being a “good Christian” woman has worn a bit thin, and she does not seem to be as “forgiving” of his behavior as she was when she forgave his past behavior with me. She also has decided to make up elaborate and dramatic stories about my son’s — somehow they have resisted her direction to “follow God’s will” and date women from her church that she approves of. So now, both my son’s are doomed to live a sinful life and die without God blessing them, and good ole dad get’s to hear all about it. He dismisses it to my son’s as “her Crazy Christian Shit”. She does not understand why she cannot drive a deep wedge between the Man God Sent to Her and his Heathen Children, and why he does not hold her high on the altar of Wifely Wonder that a Christian Man would have for his wife.

Those darn 10 Commandments! That pesky Forgiveness. Those Toxic Christian Attitudes! When will we learn????

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
5 years ago
Reply to  Gonegirl

*and OW! too early!

Valerie
Valerie
5 years ago

I heard it, too. I’d really like her, we have so much in common. I took care of that crap, made sure we no longer had HIM in common.

Dawn
Dawn
5 years ago
Reply to  Valerie

OMG! I thought only my Ex said that…You would really like her and then we would run into out somewhere and he would want to stop and talk with her….leaving me just standing there!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
5 years ago
Reply to  Valerie

It took me about three seconds to roll my eyes and walk away from that!
I too, got rid of the one thing I knew we had in common, him.
Same shit, different shithead.

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

????

Kellia
Kellia
5 years ago
Reply to  Valerie

Love this! It gave me my laugh for the day. Thank you.

UXworld
UXworld
5 years ago

“I’ve finally found someone who loves me!”

This, after 15 years of me walking on eggshells, buttressing her “not feeling well” excuses for not honoring social commitments, and supporting her interest/new career path of the month.

This, after less than 3 months of servicing the (still married at the time) Rider of the Purple Dildo.

It staggers the mind.

Doingme
Doingme
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Every invite was met with, “ I’m not comfortable”. This is a manchild who takes comfort only in knowing there’s a pussy on the horizon.

Didn’t want to ride mountain bikes
Golf
Play cards
Travel
Go hiking
Go to new restaurants
Plan a date or anything for that matter.
Go to a movie

I think we get caught up in the comparative analysis of the illusion in the beginning.

And her tits sag to her belly button
She has a manly voice
Violent
Multiple arrests
A son she neglected
Not an ounce of class or integrity
She’s ugly as fuck
Mentally ill
Was told not to go to my daughters workplace
Allows her to sit on his lap in a casino with his hand between her legs.
He only child punched her in the face.
And she’s possessive.

Playing nice to a sloppy cunt blow job whore isn’t going to happen.

Making peace (her request) was for image management and triangulation, nothing more.

Let’s take a stab at the real truth. He’s limited and all hers. How’s that working? Don’t care.

He’ll reach retirement age in four years burdened with debt. She will be supporting him on a very limited income.

I’m hopimg she’s all in for that ride.

Me, I have a two pensions and plugging my money into another account, I live simply, have a good profession and salary. My SS will be twice as much as his.

The best part is knowing my life is 100% better.

Fern
Fern
5 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

This made my day. Thanks for sharing. I love your perspective.

Marco
Marco
5 days ago
Reply to  Fern

Most don’t get it upfront but getting a cheater out of your life is an opportunity.

Last edited 5 days ago by Marco
PrisonChump
PrisonChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Awsome! I to am well on my way. And with the bottom dweller leach out of my life I have extra to take my daughter on the graduation trip of her dreams. Yeah for us and for all you fellow chumps who see the flip side of being a chump!

Langele
Langele
5 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Damn that’s refreshing.

Carol
Carol
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I know me too mine went psycho after age:50 I think a MLC. “MENTALPAUSE!

lovedandlost
lovedandlost
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I think I was married to her twin brother. Same experience.

QueenMother
QueenMother
5 years ago

Her breath stinks, her conversation is inane, she laughs like a hyena

Chumpy McChumpFace
Chumpy McChumpFace
5 years ago
Reply to  QueenMother

“Laughs like a hyena” — add Figment’s schmoopie to that list! Interestingly, whenever he was flipping through the channels and came across “The Nanny” with Fran Drescher, he’d stop, wave the remote toward the TV like a laser pointer, and *always* comment how he could not stand that show because of how she laughed. She laughed like a hyena. So imagine my surprise when I heard the OW laugh … she sounds *exactly* like Fran Drescher.

Go figure.

I am struck by all the really odd similarities in these OW/OM. It’s like they’re a replicating virus in the Matrix.

Honeyandthehomewrecker
Honeyandthehomewrecker
5 years ago

‘It’s like they’re a replicating virus in the Matrix.’ FOR THE WIN!!!

Kez
Kez
5 years ago

Or alien abductions!!????????

Kibble-less
Kibble-less
5 years ago

THIS!!!! I wish I were more science, maybe I can create an antidote.

Oddot
Oddot
5 years ago
Reply to  QueenMother

My ex’s OW was a hyena laugher as well. Funny it’s seems to be common, a mating call of fuckwits.

OW was also fond of screeching “Oh my GAWD!” all the time in her loudest valley girl voice. As in, “Oh my GAWD!!! What a cosmic fucking coincidence we ran into each other at the same concert, Oh my GAWD!!”. Yeah, her and cheater ex were just coordinating double dates for themselves and their clueless spouses. Fun times. Those two narcbirds can have each other.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  Oddot

Mating calls of fuckwits…..

Doubled over in laughter.

This is why I will never leave Chump Nation. There is no sorrow that can’t at least be soothed with wit and humor.

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
5 years ago
Reply to  Oddot

“Double dates” and “clueless spouses.” Can’t say how many of those I went on! But the real fun was when her husband didn’t come along, leaving me as the unsuspecting (sometimes suspecting) third wheel on so many occasions! Looking back…it’s quite depressing really. All those fun, family moments forever tainted…trips to the zoo, circus, photos with Santa. The list goes on and on.

PrisonChump
PrisonChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Oddot

Ha ha ha mating call of fuckwits! Oh my Gawd, love it!. You made my day!

Blindside
Blindside
5 years ago
Reply to  QueenMother

Interesting, my ex-wife’s AP laughs like a hyena too. More of a Barney Rubble kind of hyena though.

eirene
eirene
5 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

Back in the 1970s Mom’s best friend laughed like a hyena as well. Whenever my parents had parties, we kids could never sleep because of Mrs. Schneider’s cackling raucously all night long. Whenever I peeked downstairs, she was sitting up on the kitchen counter, surrounded by all the husbands, while the other wives sat sedately in the living, chatting quietly.

What a shock it was when Dad married Mrs. Schneider. She continued to laugh like a hyena for over 40 years, but now it is beginning to wane since Dad is now 90 years old, no longer drives, is practically deaf, has digestive and dental issues, needs her to pull off his support socks every afternoon at 3pm…

It has helped me immensely to see what lies ahead for my ExH and his Poopsie.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
5 years ago
Reply to  eirene

OMG, Eirene. Are you one of the Brosnan girls? The memories (nightmares, really) this evokes.

Creativerational
Creativerational
5 years ago
Reply to  QueenMother

Sounds like a match.

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
5 years ago

We WERE alike in many ways, except that I was younger, slimmer, smarter, prettier, and more fun than her. But given that he was a crashing bore, I am glad she took him off my hands.

When they first started dating, four years ago, she was slim, tan, nice nails, glowing, pretty, happy. She thought she’d hit the jackpot.

But then he worked his magic: managing down the expectations, keeping her guessing and pick-me dancing, on her toes, ministering to his needs.

Today, she’s an exhausted frump with a bare left hand. He remains unchanged.

I am so glad she helped me to lose 110kg of unwanted weight.

Doingme
Doingme
5 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Yes, Lola! She found the weight I lost. Wears a beach coverup to a wedding with a pair of 70’s white shoes that have yellowed. The kind they used to paint to match the bridesmaid’s gowns. He’s aged ten years and wore a jacket I bought him twenty five years ago (wrinkled).

Deadbeats, make a cute couple. I kept wondering what he told the other, other woman.

EMC
EMC
5 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Right? It’s been 5 years since meeting the OW/now wife and she is a decade older. Not that that means anything because I have many friends and mentors who are older than me…and her, and they look in better condition than she did. I ran into her recently and literally had to ask who she was because it’s been so long since I’ve met her, time has not been kind to her, and I couldn’t tell if she was really her, or her mother…lol (should have said it when I asked…)
When she finally looked me in the eye, and exchanged a few words, I realize she is exactly like my ex…dismissing, avoidant, weak, ugly….
But no, it must be love, and I’m sure she has a great personality…not to be confused for great character….
They’re perfect for eachother. I laughed and laughed out loud…

knittedrobin
knittedrobin
5 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Mine did that to the OW, later his second wife, too! When I first met her she was confident, glowing, very upright posture, short hair, turquoise earrings, spotlessly clean house. Six years of him later and her hair was long and straggly, she walked hunched over, she no longer wore earrings (or clean, nice clothes) or looked confident, and her home was filthy.

PrisonChump
PrisonChump
5 years ago
Reply to  knittedrobin

Just think it could of been you looking all scraggly……

knittedrobin
knittedrobin
5 years ago
Reply to  PrisonChump

I DID look scraggly after being with him for a while. I’m back to wearing nice clothes, standing upright, and feeling happy now. It was just so nice to realize that he was the one doing it. And he’d actually done it to HER. (Despite telling me she was much better, more confident and so on.)

PrisonChump
PrisonChump
5 years ago
Reply to  knittedrobin

Well as CL and CN says, leave a cheater, gain a life. Good for you!!

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
5 years ago
Reply to  PrisonChump

I look ten years younger than I did living with Cheater XH…and Schmoopie? Omg, too bad we can’t post pictures here. I’m not kidding one bit. She is one of the ugliest women I have ever seen. You can tell she wasn’t even a cute baby. I can’t believe he fucks that thing but whatever. And now she gets to live his ‘dreams.’ I remember one time he was drunk and he was telling me how when he retired he wanted to buy a camper and travel all over the country and go to every dive bar he could. OMFG. I’ve never met two people who deserve each other more. Good riddance. I am so glad that’s not my shit show anymore.

Zell
Zell
5 years ago

yeah some gems from Cheater Wife on Dday and post Dday:

“He’s a really good person.”
“He reminds me of you.”
“He’s really creative and talented.” (I’m pretty sure he works for a phone company)
“He respects my job more than you.” (Was he one of your former students?….uh..uh..uh.. no)
“He’s nice. He sent his condolences for your dead father.”(she screwed him, again, nine days after the funeral)

Ivy_Tech
Ivy_Tech
5 years ago
Reply to  Zell

I got that “I slept with him because he reminds me of you” load of crap, too…..as if that is supposed to make me feel better about it. What a B—Yotch. Couldn’t get away from her fast enough.

Kimhopes
Kimhopes
5 years ago

Mine was on-line cheating. Russian women in the Ukraine. He had joined a dating site and lied to these women saying he was single. I read their emails to him. They were smart and engaging. Asking him questions that he didn’t answer. He was corresponding with so many, some of whom were single mothers. It made me sick. Stringing along desperate women to stroke his pathetic ego. Trust that they suck.

NotANiceChump
NotANiceChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Kimhopes

Likewise. Mine was corresponding with an ex-student of his (college), telling her how his marriage was over, offering up himself as father of the year, staying only to be there for his daughter, preying on the bad judgement of a young woman who had just been dumped by her boyfriend after having moved to a new town and using his position of authority to exploit rather than protect a young person he was supposed to be educating. I think that last part was the hardest for me.

Meanwhile, I’m ver here like a chump decorating our house for Halloween and buying new sexy bras to try and interest him.

Paul
Paul
5 years ago

The ‘man’ screwing my partner told his wife and mother of his kids in bed that she would like his schmoopie (my ex) as “she was a lot like her but without the kids!” Thankfully his STBEW had the foresight to smack him in the mouth and knock some teeth out!

Zell
Zell
5 years ago
Reply to  Paul

if she literally knocked out some teeth she is 100% living the dream all us chumps dream !

Feelingit
Feelingit
5 years ago

While I think.the whore and I have a similar look, no way do we have any moral or philosophical similarities.

Fuckwit did do a brief comparison of physical attributes, mainly pointing out that she is heavier than me (and much shorter). The one he told me I would like, however, is his therapist. I was open minded when I went to meet her but quickly she got on my negative side with her new age validation. I bet she would love Esther Perel.

It dawned on me that the therapist may be my replacement too because she validates and mother’s him and his craziness and unfortunately I was unwittingly doing this for years.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
5 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

They tend to surround themselves with people who reinforce their narrative.

mavis
mavis
5 years ago

In my case, the cheater went one worse. He didn’t talk to me about schmoopie but he began showing the kids pictures of her & telling them how much they’d like her. The manipulation is mind-boggling.

duped
duped
5 years ago
Reply to  mavis

I never heard comparisons or even mention of the OW but he started answering her calls in the car when we were on our way to dinner “hello so and so” announcing her name so that SHE would get the hint that I was in the car. Then, the ‘conversation” would be him just listening to the whore do the talking. Probably telling him to not touch me and that she was ready for him, or whatever fuckwit desperate conversation she had with him. I got first of glimpse her when she arrived at hospice. Once I knew her name, I saw her on youtube and internet with the best pic she could find of herself. I wondered why he’d run after me after I would get back from the hairdresser because the whore and I had the same hairstyle and color. I guess he had a momentary lapse thinking I was his Howorker. But he never mentioned that he had a Howorker.
Other time he said that he doesn’t drink beer anymore, that drinking wine is ‘classier’ red flag ! Mostly women drink wine, so I told him, well you must have a girlfriend and he did what he always did, turn on his heel and leave the room. I guess I hit on the truth many times by that reaction. OR he was just dropping a bomb ! IMO she does not hold a candle to me, but I’m sure he was interested in her one body part not her face, the essential one that he could take on trips with him because that thing of hers came in handy

GracieD
GracieD
5 years ago
Reply to  duped

He suddenly started drinking red wine – said he discovered Jacob’s Creek and hadn’t realised how ‘classy’ it was. Also started smoking roll-ups and denied marijuana until some sob story of how he was broke because he had to lend money to some hard done by mother whose husband wasnt supporting her. Actually, the husband wasnt supporting her ‘habit’ and her dealer got busted on an exchange for half a kilo, so poor schmoopie lost her money (or fuckwits?)

In this country over 30 grs is possession with intent, but he was overawed with how frugal she was to bulk buy. Like it was a case of tinned tomatoes.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
5 years ago
Reply to  GracieD

Ha! Narkles went through a wine phase too.
I can laugh at it now but at the time I was just “OK, whatever. We’ll see how long this last.” Now I know he was just mirroring someone else. I know all those new, latest interests were just him mirroring someone else.

Conchobara
Conchobara
4 days ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

OMG, FW got into wine, too!! Wine, edibles and very different, indie girl music. I was like WTF?? But I was so damn busy being almost 100% mom and working two jobs that I didn’t have time to wonder what the heck bought this shift around. All things he had hated for the entire 20 years I knew him. Now I know it was mirroring but at the time I was so confused.

duped
duped
5 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

exactly ! mirroring is exactly what is happening. This makes him look like the greatest guy in the world because he is so much like HO (Ho is thinking) he is fun ! Adventures! has money! has a boat ! etc etc. and then ‘we; can go back to my beachhouse brothel and drink wine ! and fuck!

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago
Reply to  GracieD

Mine started drinking gin. He hates gin, but it was OW#1’s drink. Once they were done so was the gin.

These asshats are so fucking empty that anyone can pour themselves into them for the moment, the chase for that elusive happynez makes them chameleon and love bomb to be so speshul for their new toy.

GracieD
GracieD
5 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

It was the same with the wine! They also started matching clothes. I asked him if he was a twelve year old on a first crush. Actually he’s an old fart hitting sixty. She was at school with our eldest and was looking for a ticket out of a ‘boring’ marriage.

duped
duped
5 years ago
Reply to  GracieD

yeah the drinking of the wine was about 4 years ago…I never caught on…I suspected when he made the ‘announcement ‘ about drinking wine now cuz it’s classier” He never ordered wine at a restaurant with me at dinner. Here’s one for you , after he passed I went to a psychic, first time ever, she was also a medium…she said he says”i miss drinking wine with you and our long talks” it blew me away. I knew then that she was real. I said are you sure he thinks its me sitting here? (I did not tell her about OW) and I think that she was spot on but that HE thought I was the HO. So that would make sense, he thought he was talking to Howorker. Also she said something about not saying goodbye…that would be correct, he never got to say goodbye to his whore! She thought she was being dumped when he did not text her I guess, explains why I deduced that it was HER sitting in a car outside my house cuz she was a freaked out BOLD whore that thought she’d been dumped. But what she did not know was he was home hospice dying. It must have come as a complete shock when she saw my cars in the driveway. She thought that he was going to marry her probably and then found out he was lying when she pulled up and saw my vehicle. I pieced it all together. Also ho ho has all my marital assets that he wasted on her and dissipated to hide for him. What a whore. No married man would be that stupid ! Give money to a howorker. But because he was a ‘great guy’ I know now he was just a disordered narcissist. I wonder if he fucked with her like he did to my mind….

GracieD
GracieD
5 years ago
Reply to  duped

He never ordered wine with me at dinner either, if i wanted to drink wine I had to order by the glass – which is why all the bottles of wine on the bar bill at the country club were a red flag. He immediately stopped drinking wine again after she dumped him for plan B (and there was also a c or maybe he was plan c) within a day of finding out that i owned the house outside marriage and they wouldn’t be getting any of it for their nest. It seems wuv wasn’t so twuw after all.

Involuntary Georgian
Involuntary Georgian
5 years ago
Reply to  mavis

Returning from some time away with the kids (where she actually dumped the kids with friends and drove 300 miles to spend the week with AP, but that’s another story), my cheater wife made up some story about their flight arriving late and kept the kids at the airport to meet the AP (her “colleague”) when his flight arrived an hour later.

My daughter knew about the affair (teenagers are good phone snoops) and was incensed at being tricked into meeting the AP. That event started a rift between mother and daughter that still, 2+ years later, hasn’t healed.

Zell
Zell
5 years ago
Reply to  mavis

My cheater wife actually took my daughter (then 12) to meet the AP before any of us knew that she was cheating. Weird triangulation there.

smpav
smpav
5 years ago
Reply to  Zell

My ex-husband did the same. So twisted!

GracieD
GracieD
5 years ago
Reply to  Zell

Mine used to take our then 9 yo on outings with her and her kids in the school holidays when I was at work, saying “don’t tell mum she’s boring and doesn’t like other people to have fun and she’ll spoil it”. In the end he let the cat out of the bag saying “dad makes me play with two stinky girls while he stays laughing with their mummy”. Cue hyena laugh.

Her chumped husband was also at work. Neither of our cheating spouses had a job, and some boring (chump) has to pay the bill’s.

PrisonChump
PrisonChump
5 years ago
Reply to  GracieD

That is just so messed up GracieD, Zell, Feelingit, and Mavis! It’s just despicable to involve children, they don’t know, they are innocent, getting caught up in the distorted reality of these pieces of crap cheaters! I found text between ex and AP making plans to take her kids and my kids to the movies! Thank God I caught him before it happened. With all the crazy shit he was putting us through already the last thing my kids needed was the added confusion of daddy being sweet on some girl in front of them! You know I don’t blame the AP because I think she thought I was the crazy ex wife who couldn’t let go and wouldn’t leave him alone. Kind of like he told me his daughter’s mother was a crazy pill popping addict (which I don’t believe anymore, he physically abused her).

lulutoo
lulutoo
5 years ago
Reply to  GracieD

Gracie D, what a sick creep he was (and still is, I’m sure, but at least he is no longer your problem…).

GracieD
GracieD
5 years ago
Reply to  lulutoo

As he got older he was angry and embarrassed to realise he’d been used. Poor kid.

Feelingit
Feelingit
5 years ago
Reply to  mavis

Oh yes, thing he told 17 yo son that I can’t get out of my head: she is a warm and loving person! I’ll bet she is.

OutOfSparkles
OutOfSparkles
5 years ago

I still keep getting this – and through 3rd parties OWife keeps saying she “just wants to be friends” with me. I wouldn’t want to be friends with an uneducated, god-bothering bogan at the best of times but why on earth would I be friends with one who was and still is complicit in the emotional abuse of my children, never mind her clear arrogance and contempt towards me in imagining I would want to be friends with her. Get the same line from the Weasel, about being friends (as well as her being “so kind” ????) – and yes, in his case (and hers, I suspect) it really is just narcissistic cluelessness (although he is not averse to cruelty when he gets the chance). Just no, you morons!
I think he is finally getting the message – although clearly they both feel very indignant about why I won’t just play along with the happy-clappy wonderfulness of it all. Not so good for image management, I guess. They deserve each other

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
5 years ago
Reply to  OutOfSparkles

Stay strong!
Never give into that crap.

Zell
Zell
5 years ago
Reply to  OutOfSparkles

they believe that if they can become “friends” it cancels out what they did as wrong. It legitimizes the bad behavior. Thus they don’t have to feel guilt. They hate guilt. They avoid it- they deny it.

moominmamma
moominmamma
5 years ago
Reply to  Zell

Absolutely.OW3 once sent me a text telling me how bad my attitude was for the children(hello, they’re MY children, and I know more about them than you do)- we should all be friends despite 20 years of fucking around behind my back
Both of them now seem to have genuine amnesia, as if they can’t remember the exciting events of only 3 years ago. My XH asked a mutual friend if it was true I didn’t like OW3.What is that supposed to mean? does he have brain damage or something?Why would I like her? Why would I like him?ARE THEY MENTAL?

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago

The OW was a friend of mine. A term that I now use loosely – our kids were in preschool together, we had workout dates when the kiddies were in school & playdates after school. The more I got to know her, the more I realized the friendship wasn’t one that I wanted – she’s been through in-patient drug rehab (because out patient rehab is SOOOOOOO much better?), she was a recovering alcoholic, only married her hubby because he knocked her up. Being with her sent my mind in a complete tailspin because we were from completely opposite worlds, and we had NOTHING in common. Except my husband, as it turned out. She gave him herpes (I know, I keep coming back to that), and he married her. The train wreck that is his life is absolutely laughable. He so clearly traded down … so why does it still sting?? I’m sure it always will, but every year a little less.

Mitz
Mitz
5 years ago

Maybe it hurts because we really believed that we knew our spouses?. They become family members. It’s similar to a discovery like you mother tried to sell you, or your father knocked up your nana. The shock of discovery that they are false.

AwakeningDreamer
AwakeningDreamer
5 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

Yes Mitz: that’s how it feels

Langele
Langele
5 years ago

I hate to even say what happened with a woman I was chumped by with the stbxh cheater.

She had some serious problems but I don’t care when people are my friends I support them.

But a couple of times she asked me “what would you do if you found out your husband was cheating ” or “do you think your husband would cheat”
Even though he had cheated of course I said no because I didn’t believe that he would continue to cheat on me. Omg so chumpy.

One evening me and stbxh went out with her and another male friend of ours and went somewhere and had some dinner and then we came home because – four kids under eleven.

I was in the kitchen with the other friend and my stbxh and my xgirlfriend were still not coming in and this was like 20/30 minutes later.

I looked out the living room window and I saw her giving him a bj in his truck in front of God and everybody. Thank God the curtains were closed so the kids didn’t see it.

That was 20 years ago and I am just now this week meeting with the divorce attorney.

I really believed that he would want to get better and be a decent person but he didn’t do any of that. So glad to find the place where I can own my chumpyness and not feel so alone.

PrisonChump
PrisonChump
5 years ago

So was she trying to be your friend while sleeping with your husband Triumph? That is so terribly low! What a disgusting lot they are! So glad you are free and moving towards better days.

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago
Reply to  PrisonChump

My douche was a walking wallet to her, so yes I do think that she targeted me to get close to him. She always wore yoga pants everywhere & tight tops (before it was the style, and she seriously looks like a 12 year old, so I wasn’t threatened by her at all). My mom had commented on her attire – yep, she befriends my mom, too – but I just shrugged because I didn’t JUDGE!! Haha, was I wrong. She lived in a lower income area & her hubby didn’t make much money. Not that mine made a ton, but we had a big house, he drove a flashy new car (mid-life crisis anyone??) & we were comfortable. I’m happy to say that I get a very large chunk of his income, and she has had to pick up more hours at work so that they can get by. AND I lost a cheater and gained a life!!!! ????

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago
Reply to  PrisonChump

When we lived in Kansas, there was a gal on the street who seemed so strangely eager to be my friend..she was pretty and educated and well spoken and seemed to go out of her way to interact with me. After we moved here, nowdeadcheater told me she propositioned him during our daughters play date

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Yep … that’s how they troll!!

ChumpsterFire
ChumpsterFire
5 years ago

Mine insisted OW is a really good person with strong character, who just “behaved badly…the worst she probably has behaved in her life.” And told me about how they talk frequently about how badly they feel about what they did and how wrong it was. AKA throwing a pity party for me, I guess!

Disordered people boggle the mind and should have to live on their own island where they can’t harm empaths.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  ChumpsterFire

Apparently ex’s Schmoopie feels (or at least used to feel) guilty too. Not nearly guilty enough. Not that she really feels any guilt or shame for what she did, she is just worried about what others might thing of her. Makes her have to work a bit harder on the old image management thing.

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago
Reply to  ChumpsterFire

They should have to live on their own island – Love that!!!! Such a fantastic idea!!

Cuzchump
Cuzchump
5 years ago

I was told that he felt I did love him anymore and he was not getting enough attention. And I would not go away enough with him. The poor baby with all his needs not being met now wonder he cheated with my cousin.

It seems all cheaters have the same excuses why they chose to cheat. Just pathetic.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  Cuzchump

Not go away with him. I heard that too. That was all he talked about. I was busy raising his kid. Really he just wanted me to go away with him, to where the ow conveniently lived,so it could raise his value in the eyes of the ow. I had no idea about any of it though. But how dare i not do my wifely duties!

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago

In other words don’t ever let these monsters make you feel bad about anything. If you knew the truth about why they say the beyond stupid things they do you would realize its all about them. They are bottomless pits of f*cked up.

hollowbunny
hollowbunny
5 years ago
Reply to  Cuzchump

Hard to dole out sexy attention when youre trying miserably while crying to be 2 parents to 3 very confused kids. Also hard to give attention to someone who isn’t home during waking hours. Luckily the married mother of 4 ow happily neglected her kids 24/7 to show the ATM, I mean boss, I mean my cheater how loyal she was. Yup, loyal was the word I heard a lot. And committed. And dedicated. Turns out she was loyal to a lot of men in various white collar jobs hoping one would pan $$$$$ out. Her teacher husband probably wasn’t giving her enough of everything either, poor thing. But since he’d been her om while she was married to his brother, he can go fuck himself.

PrisonChump
PrisonChump
5 years ago

First cheater husband told me that the 18 yr old waitress he was caught boinking was more motherly than me….Oh really because she has experience as a single childless teen? Granted we were young parent’s, yearly twenties, but still at the time was one of the lowest blows I’ve ever received. He said this to me in spite after I caught him and kicked him out.
Funny I hadn’t thought of that in years. And hadn’t thought about how my two ex husbands both cheated on me. They are both royal fuckwits. Thing is there was a six year gap between them and the men I dated in the interim were nice, good to me, and not narcissists or borderline personality disordered……hum.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  PrisonChump

Apparently I was too motherly. I made his lunches for him. How cruel.

Jeanny
Jeanny
5 years ago

Lol shame on you!!! How could you show that you care by preparing meals for him!!!
More I read more I laugh… it’s all the same bs
“ you were too caring/ not enough…. you wanted sex/ you didn’t want to have sex…. you didn’t greet me st the door(!)/ why are u smothering me….

And we dance, trying to improve…
Going rock solid brought me so much more time and energy lol I can focus on kids and myself…. feels good 🙂
And yes, I’m also preparing lunches FOR MYSELF ????

Lady B
Lady B
5 years ago

Unfortunately his schoompie didn’t want to leave her husband for him and I sure as shit don’t want him back! So it’s Tinder kibbles, as the kid on Simpsons says , haha….

DunChumpin
DunChumpin
5 years ago

Well, I knew one of her prey since he coached my kid. I also lent him my car and gave him money. He was super!

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
5 years ago

I heard it too ~ how I’d really like her and how she was such a good person. Bullshit, I said. Good people don’t fuck other people’s husbands who enter AA for treatment and then offer them a cottage to live in so they can abandon their families.

Good people don’t belong on committees at their church and then ask God to give them a sign it’s okay to fuck another’s husband. Um… remember the 10 commandments? Like God is really gonna give her a pass that adultery is okay.

Good people don’t sneak around period. Good people don’t need to sneak.

No, we’re nothing alike. Looks wise, I am so happy about that too. If I looked like a has been circus clown I’d be worried… and no, I don’t look like a boy either. What is she 85 pounds soaking wet? LOL

duped
duped
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

whore was on council board member at the catholic church for two years. Maybe the priest needs to know about his former council member boinking my husband? maybe Whore’s image needs to be revealed? what do you guys think? Should I do the

Mitz
Mitz
5 years ago
Reply to  duped

Yes, the priest should know, why not? A council member has a postion of trust and it’s been violated. She should never be allowed to hold a position with the church from now on.

duped
duped
5 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

Thank you Mitz
her council position ended in 2010, but I would like to take this opportunity to let them know about their fine council member that they had for three years…..I think she deserves to have her name blasted..
I stood outside the church Sunday, the one in her town, and waited tell the priest. He was in a deep conversation with someone. It was cold and windy. I gave up…but counting the days down to next Sunday…give me strength, I am going to tell the Priest.Also I have decided if I ever ‘date” anyone from her small town, I am going to tell her name to that person about what a Ho she is. I am hoping word will get around because it’s a small town and it will just be casually brought up in conversation LOL Payback is a bitch !!!

Creativerational
Creativerational
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

The sign that it’s ok? A divorce decree or a separation agreement. Gods not subtle. He parts the sea, gives tablets with rules, writes a lot of books and seems pretty clear on the whole ‘don’t be a douche’ thing….

Jojobee
Jojobee
5 years ago

YES! God never advocates mortal sin as a way to be “happy.” he will NEVER send you someone else’s husband.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
5 years ago

What is creepy is that in many ways, OW is like a younger version of me. It is like he is trying to recreate that stage of our relationship when we were in college or just out of college. No house, no kids, no real adult responsibilities. At first I was appalled that a 45 year old man would get involved with a 23 year old girl. Now, I realize she is perfect for him. They are both the same age maturity wise.

The thing that differentiates us though is morals and integrity. And that is the reason I do not want to know her nor will I ever like her. Anyone willing to start screwing around with a married man with a family and while his wife is pregnant isn’t the kind of person I want near me. And yes, cheater gave me a line about how OW had nothing to do with him leaving and that she was a good person. Conversation ender, right there.

zyx321
zyx321
5 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

yup, my ex completely re-created our life.
MOW (now OWife) is 12 years younger than me, same stature, hair coloring, educational background, etc. When the affair started she was the same age I was when ex cheated on my the first time ! (I found this all out during the divorce). Now they have two kids, same sex and order as our two kids….. complete reboot.

Mommamarsh
Mommamarsh
5 years ago
Reply to  zyx321

My ex and his now OWife (formerly MOW) recreated our marital home in their new home, down to every detail, and even used the same decorator. I saw pics of their home on my decorator’s website, and I was like….WTF??? That’s MY house!!! Sick to the core!!!

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
5 years ago
Reply to  zyx321

When I was tracking the money during the divorce that he was spending out of his business (which was a marital asset) on her, I came across a receipt for Christmas stockings he bought for their first Christmas together. They were almost identical to the ones I bought the first year we were in our house. They are not right in the head.

Magpie
Magpie
5 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

ALL this. I was also cheated on while pregnant with my second — and the OW is 8 years younger, and has freaking testified in legal documents and in-person testimony that she “just doesn’t understand” why we can’t be friends and that “it would be so great for the kids.”

Yes, I’M the horrible person for not wanting to associate with the scum who are the reason I only see my kids 70% of the time.

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago
Reply to  Magpie

Oh boy … ya, I got that special form of crazy too. They testified that they were all working together as co-parents (with her ex as well) and wanted to “welcome me into the co-parenting group”. I picture that as some sort of fucked up four-way gang bang. ???? no thanks!!!! The look on the judges face over that one as priceless. I really wish I had a camera, I wold have gotten her picture framed. So horrifying that you have to laugh at the absurdity, the audacity, the disgusting perverseness of these fuckwits.

Kathleen
Kathleen
5 years ago

I called the Whore a “whore” in front of him he said
“No she’s not a whore”. She’s friendly, very up- I quess means happy all the time.

I suppose I was none of those things after 34 years of living with a narc sociopath. She’s dead now anyway.
He’s with another woman now so thankful I threw him out & divorced the cheater.

So sad ???? wasted my youth on a reptilian of a man.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

The Ex was having a conversation with the oldest child (when she was still speaking to him) when she referred to his OWife as a either a homewrecker, a whore or both. The Ex said he had decided in his head that the marriage was over so OWife really wasn’t a homewrecker or a whore and that’s not how he wanted his children to see her. My daughter said, “Fine. Tell me what you think I should call her. I can refer to her as a scheming, slimy slut. Would you like that better? But really, I can call her whatever you want; it won’t change who and what she is.”

Calling a turd a hot dog doesn’t change the essence of the turd.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
5 years ago
Reply to  Chump Princess

Your daughter is awesome.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
5 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

Chump Princess, hug your daughter. She is awesome.

I called the OW whores at first, but then I realized something ——
Whores have the good sense to charge $$$ for it.

The OW/OM that we talk about here are too stoopid to charge and earn financial gain. They are merely cheap sluts who will sleep with anything with a slot.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
5 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

She is something special and I hug her every chance I get. 🙂 Thanks!

duped
duped
5 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

OH no make no mistake they are whores. Especially when they are being lovebombed ad thinking they met the man of their dreams because he is pulling out all the stops to look like a great guy. Oh look at me, my wife is never around, she works far away from home, oh we are separated or whatever shit he tells the whore and she falls for it. All the while she is taking all that he pours out on her to make her feel special. That is a charge. A mistress is an expense. AND all your marital assets are being spent on that Whore. Let’s not kid ourselves..

Waffles
Waffles
5 years ago
Reply to  duped

“Separated” = I’m texting you from the shitter; wife is cooking my dinner.

duped
duped
5 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

how about texting on your knee on your left leg while driving? Could not stay away from whore, she texted constantly and was well in there with him. so much so she was able to get him to hide money with her…plotting much? I can just imagine how often she was down on HER knees for that manauever to materialize…..

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
5 years ago
Reply to  duped

I totally agree.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

I called the Whore a “whore” in front of him he said
“No she’s not a whore”.

Exactly the same, word for word, for me and for the XH.

Kathleen, I don’t know about the whore in your life, but the whore that gave me my D day (I later found out there had been many other whores in XH’s life) has four teenagers by three different men and dresses like she was going to perform in Rio de Janeiro’s carnival samba schools.

hollowbunny
hollowbunny
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

HAHAHA. love that description! This ow dressed liked she had slept under a bush for several days – cargo pants, gross sandals, no makeup or hair care. We lived in a very cosmopolitain city and that was how she went to business meetings. Every photo I saw, she was wearing the same outfit. Over the span of a few years, the same clothes, every photo. You know in the athleta and LL bean catalogs how the women are so healthy and gorgeous and outdoorsy beautiful? Well imagine the older short ugly sister of those women who got lost in the woods and hadn’t showered for a while. That was his wheelhouse.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

Weird choice for a schmoopie

hollowbunny
hollowbunny
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Advertised herself at work as a swallower. God doesn’t give with both hands.

duped
duped
5 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

LOL what a dirty piece of trash…

violet
violet
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

I actually received a letter from OW that began,”I am not a whore.” Although it now brings a smile to my face (delusional much?), at the time it nearly made my head explode. I should have sent it to her church-she is a notorious Jesus cheater. It probably wouldn’t have made much difference to her, though. She goes through churches like she does men, always searching for something better. Since there is a huge hole where her soul should be, I don’t think any church is going to save her.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

I heard the same “She was perky” line about my X’s gradwhore. I replied, “Yeah, like me when you first met me.” I’m not sure if X was insightful enough to draw the takeaway message that life with him had worn me down.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago

I heard this. They were so much like me! I thought it was weird but i didn’t pay too much attention to it. Meanwhile the psycho ow was doing everything she could to morph into some version of me. I am not like her. And she is just some weird clone of me. And my x is a raging idiot.

KB22
KB22
5 years ago

OW morphing into you…..could it be she is being subject to triangulation from your ex dipshit? He may have bashed you at the beginning but for all you know he could be singing your praises at the moment trying to make OW feel “less than”…….rather common with these folks.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  KB22

I was sorting out clothes one time for the charity shop. Ex asked what I was going to do with them and he asked if he could have them for OW – you know, kinda smarten her up a bit!!!!! He posted a photo of the two of them on FB in OUR campervan and my colleague said “oh she even looks like you”. So yeah, I guess he was looking for a clone!

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
5 years ago

CL, ” I’ am sure you’d really enjoy scrapebooking together.”
You always choose perfect words of imagery!
This hit home with me. I have, and do, do “scrapebooking” for my beautiful Grandchildren. I have, and I do, spend hours doing the actual photographing, categorizing, putting into books, and journaling, hundreds of precious family pictures.
To the OW and the black horse she rode in on I would like to say, “Fuck you OW.” You know nothing of one single moment, of one single picture. And, yes, cheater did tell me that I would like her.
NEVER! Even peacekeepers have morals, integrity and scruples.

When I saw my young Grandchildren clutching their scrapebooks to their heart and lovingly share them with visitors attending their Dad’s funeral visitation, I never once thought of the OW.
She was never there in their life. She is NOT in one family picture.
CL, thank you so much for allowing me to say, “Fuck you, OW.”
NO, I would NOT like the OW!
( and she is NOT like me)!

Valerie,
“I took care of that crap, made sure we no longer had HIM in common.”
THIS!
You are Mighty!

Beth
Beth
5 years ago
Reply to  peacekeeper

Oh Peacekeeper, you are such a loving and warm soul, the image of your grandbabies clutching their scrapbooks, touched my heart so much. Yes, “fuck you, OW!!” She will never be one millionth of the person you are, Peacekeeper, and neither will your ex who didn’t appreciate what a treasure you are. I looked through some family photos with my son over the weekend, the first time we’ve done that in the years since our family imploded. It was a sweet and nostalgic moment and my thought at the time was that my ex gave up having anyone in his life to relive those sweet memories with, for what? Fucking strange? Oh well… *shrug* It was nice to know that I could appreciate the memories without even a hint of desire to return to that life or that marriage.

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Attie, Tempest, Beth,
Thank you sweet ladies, so very much, for your kind words to me.
CN, “hearts as big as the ocean”.
I am truly blessed!

Tessie
Tessie
5 years ago
Reply to  peacekeeper

I am with them, Peacekeeper. Your sweet heart, and kind words have been a balm to many here in Chump Nation. You are appreciated.

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
5 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Dear Tessie,
The ❤️ Of CN!
Thank you for reaching out to me.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Beth, my ex did not ask for a single picture of his sons or even of his family (I was the curator of his family’s pictures, my MIL trusted me for that).

I did a hurried job of cramming his family’s pictures together with all of the crap that he asked for, but did not include any pictures of my sons. And I am getting rid of all images of this jerk, doing your photoshop trick.

Beth
Beth
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

ClearWaters, my ex took only his pictures from college, nothing of our kids or his family. When I was going through the pictures before my son came over, I found the few photos we had of ex’s dad who died when ex was ten years old. Ex’s parents divorced when he was really young so my ex MIL doesn’t have any pictures of ex’s dad either other than the ones I found. I scanned them so that I have digital copies in case my kids want to see pictures of their grandfather someday, and I plan on sending ex the originals. What he does with them is his business. I’m going to organize, label and scan all of our family pictures too, which is why I had them out the other day, but Ex will not receive copies of those, digital or otherwise. It boggles the mind how little they value the memories that are so precious to us but then again, that devalue is part of what allows them to do what they did.

I have the photoshopped wedding photo proudly displayed in my home office. I still smile every time I see it. 🙂

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Beth
Interesting that your ex lost his dad at ten, mine lost his mom at 10. The trauma and attachment problem was born then, my ex’s brother is a sociopath. I have no doubt about that trauma being a lot of what their revolving lives have been about. Pitiful.

Mitz
Mitz
5 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

A lot of fine people suffered trauma and they don’t trash other people’s lives.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Beth, so with these jerks even when it comes to pictures it’s ALL about them. If I were on the other side, pictures of my family and children would be first on my list of things to divide.

Going over wedding pictures I noticed that I am nearly always gazing at Sparkledick and he is always spreading his feather tails.

I packed pictures of Sparkles’ family in his shit even though he didn’t ask for them because I would have thrown them out, I sure don’t want them, but in the Fukushima tsunami and the Goiânia radioactive disasters pictures were the only thing the victims missed. And I didn’t have the guts to trash them, specially since my MIL trusted me with them. I doubt Sparkles gives a shit, but I did my duty.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  peacekeeper

Peacekeeper–your warm heart and compassion will be the main things your children and grandchildren hold close to their chest, years after scrapbook pictures have faded.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  peacekeeper

Peacekeeper, that’s what a nana does. Loves her family and is there for them in times of need – not off screwing strange. And you’re right, she will never have that (and I sense that he gave all that up too). It’s his loss.

Alice
Alice
5 years ago

Tinman was actually right on one count. In the very early days of our relationship (which started AFTER his relationship with his Ex-wife and he broke up!!!) he would badmouth the Ex and make her out to be the she-demon incarnate and a horrible no good terrible cheater. She was the most horrible, terrible, awful person. But later on he would slip in how much I would like her, how we agreed on this thing or that thing. Long story short he later on left me for the OW (that relationship started BEFORE he and I broke up!).

So I took his advice, got a little drunk and FB messaged the Ex… and she is LOVELY!! Truly delightful and he is right, she and I do agree on a whole heap of things including the fact that he is deranged. Turns out he was the cheater in that relationship, but I came onto the scene when his previous Shmoopie freaked out that he had left his wife and exited stage left and he couldn’t be alone and “Lose” the breakup! So he lassoed me in. He didn’t know we talk. Funny thing, the two Shmoopies…. almost carbon copies of one another, and the Ex and I…. ALSO very very similar…. the dates that he took the Shmoopies on that he told each one of us ALL about (because deranged remember) were almost identical!

He started saying that I would LOVE Shmoopie, that she is wonderful and if I would just get over everything and give her a chance I would think she was great. Turns out she is just as bad as he is. No I didn’t try to make friends with that one too…. I did call her when he went to jail though to try and convince her to help me by getting him to sign over my car (my car registered in his name) instead she convinced him to reclaim it to pay his legal bills… thanks Shmoopie! She is no good as far as I am concerned.

So out of everything I am actually grateful to Tinman. Not only did he give me 2 beautiful amazing kids but he also inadvertently gave me one of my favourite friends.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
5 years ago

I heard how we are different. But this was used to put me down and put me in my place. To show my failings as a wife and in my personality. To suck the fight out of me. To make me focus on what I’m lacking and give him reasons for why he was “forced” to do this. Reason #1 she’s sooo funny and amuses him. I was told I have no sense of humor.

I think anything they say is diversion tactic. They use whatever they can to have no accountability. Who can resist an awesome person? Not him/her. And certainly not YOU! This person is awesome and you would agree too!
Or in my case… who could blame him for seeking out someone that is clearly better than me? Its my fault. I should have tried harder to amuse him!

Newlady15
Newlady15
5 years ago

I got the “you would like her under other circumstances” from my sister in law. I’m no I don’t like women who f#ck other women’s husbands in their marital bed, cottage bed and Florida house bed!! Dirty pigs! Of course my ex said nothing because he managed to hide it all.

Out West
Out West
5 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

New Lady

My x had a f*ck fest also in marital, cottage, and Florida bed. I kept the marital house, miss the cottage and have no intention of ever seeing the Florida house again. The similarities on this site never cease!

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
5 years ago

Glad I’m not the only one who’s fuckface did this. I was in shock, thinking “are you really fucking saying this to me!”

“She’s really smart, she speaks 5 languages” Yeah, most people from Europe do. Doesn’t make her smart.

“She wants to go to medical school” Yeah, aren’t all strippers studying to become doctors? Better tip her extra well so she can pay that fantasy tuition!

“She’s traveled the US more than I have. She’s adventurous.” Wow, traveling the U.S off of men’s money that pays for suites at the Ritz (yes he paid for that.. idiot), sounds like an adventure!
Fact no one really wants to know: apparently strippers do travel around to different strip clubs.

“You’d really like her. She has really great self-esteem.” Yeah, it must take great self-esteem to dance naked for money and be an object and not a person.

“She’ll (insert sexual act), and you won’t.” Oh gee, sorry my sexual boundaries aren’t in line with a sex workers! Douche!

I know more about the life of strippers than I ever wanted to know!

Beth
Beth
5 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Oh wow, Got-a, here I was thinking to myself, “I never got that ‘you’d like her’ nonsense since ex was into strippers but apparently that wasn’t the case with you. Just wow. A new low. I’m also laughing hysterically because I guess my ex’s stripper OW (who is not the former(?) stripper/convicted felon he is currently living with and engaged to) qualifies for the “well traveled” medal as well since he took her to St. Louis on a business trip. I mean… I’m sure St. Louis is a perfectly nice town but I never felt a burning desire to vacation there. 😀

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Wow! Traveling with a convicted felon? that’s some Lifetime Movie Waiting to happen.

Is your ex related to Copernicus?

Beth
Beth
5 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Oh no, the convicted felon is the current stripper fiance, not the former OW – two different strippers. 😀 The felon fiance is still on probation so their wedding in Jamaica is on hold until she is able to travel outside the country. Can I just tell you how much this all amuses me? It is just like a Lifetime movie and what makes it even funnier is that the felon fiance would think that’s really cool. Hahahahahahahaha.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

The felon fiancé – oh my that is wonderful!

Fern
Fern
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Beth, canI just tell you how hysterical I find the name “felon fiance”. Right up there with KK and the rider of the purple dildo.
What a cast of characters these yahoos make…

Creativerational
Creativerational
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Talk about hedging your bets. He’s keeping the dream of a destination wedding dangling… not because he cares. It’s so that he doesn’t end up married again… because what REALLY are the chances that she doesn’t end up in lock up again? You know she’s one night of drinking and bad tips away from hair pulling and vandalism. Seriously.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Apparently strippers do travel around to different strip clubs. That is hilarious…wow she must be a super famous stripper! The most super famous traveling stripper is still a stripper.

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
5 years ago

Well her name IS everywhere ….. Barbie. How original ….SMH

If Kuntie Kibbler wasn’t already taken I’d nominate that name!

The Ex-orcist
The Ex-orcist
5 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Oh Damn, CockSlobber’s name is Barbie.????????????????????How fitting!!!

TheFooledTwiceDad
TheFooledTwiceDad
5 years ago

After OM #1, I heard, “He looks a lot like you.” Like that makes it any better. Does it make it any less of an affair if the OM looks like you? I think the answer would be a unanimous “NO!”

Before/during OM #2 (I think before but don’t know for sure….I saw affair #2 coming for a while), I was asked to introduce myself to OM #2. “He’s a really good friend of mine.” I didn’t know him but knew who he was. For the record, he looks nothing like me, he’s 17 years older, and apparently is OK with cheating on his own wife. Sorry, he doesn’t sound like the type of person I would want to get to know better.

AC
AC
5 years ago

You know you’ve been truly and completely replaced when you hear this:

“You don’t have to worry about our kids. She’s sssooooo good with the baby, and little Sally loves her too. Honestly, you should try to get to know her a little better.”

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  AC

Oh my god. What a horrible person your ex is (and his schmoopie too). Ug. Just ug.

KathleenK
KathleenK
5 years ago
Reply to  AC

OMG – this made my blood boil. Very hard stuff – I hope you have good support or a good therapist to help keep you mentally healthy through this. Unbelievable.

Stillhere
Stillhere
5 years ago
Reply to  AC

I think I would be in jail! Hugs to you!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago

For me, any way a cheater defends an AP for any reason is total BS, just like any way a cheater defends him/herself is total BS. A thing is what it is, and it isn’t something else. That’s the beauty of the UBT.

You didn’t mean to hurt me? Ok, but that doesn’t matter, Cheater, because you clearly didn’t intend to do everything in your power to avoid harming me, either. Had you beeen concerned about my well being, you would not have been willing to deceive or betray me. Whether you intentionally harmed me isn’t relevant. Whether you could have easily avoided harming me, that’s the issue.

It was a mistake, Cheater? A conscious choice to do a thing you are so keenly aware is harmful that you deliberately deceive to avoid discovery is not a mistake. A mistake happens when you are unaware of the magnitude of a choice you make or you stumble into something completely as a mishap. It takes a lot of effort to have consemsual sexual contact. You don’t step on a Lego and fall over and start accidentally making out. It’s not necessary to hide sex unless you know it’s a problem that you’re having it. Sexual contact, whether verbal or physical, can’t be a mistake because it’s a choice.

It’s not her fault, it’s yours, Cheater? Really, did you rape her? Did you compel her at gunpoint to get her to have sex? Did you blackmail her to coerce her to have sex? Did you pull a Cosby and have sex with her unconscious body? Did you tell her you were single and betray and decieve her to get what you wanted from her? Is she a child? If none of those things are true, then the AP is responsible for her own choices and she is fully culpable right alongside you.

She’s right for you and everyone deserves to be happy so I should be happy for you? Really, Cheater, then what thing shall I do that you would find super harmful that would make me happy? Show PI’s photos of you and your AP having sex to your colleagues and your AP’s colleagues and all of our mutual friends? Take all joint money from the bank and give it to a third party to hold for me until we are divorced? Tell the media what you have been doing if you are a public figure so strangers can have a field day watching you live a train wreck and ruining your reputation? Take everything in the divorce and leave you penniless and live a single life of luxury? Because, hey, you want me to be happy, don’t you? And if those things would make me happy, you should be happy for me.

Capping the BS list is the gem in this article, which CL addresses so well today. Still, all these lesser forms are just as ludicrous. It’s completely absurd to suggest that a chump should see cheating in a positive light for any reason. The mere suggestion deserves no better than a derisive snort and a cold shoulder, and keeping it that cool is being generous.

Mommamarsh
Mommamarsh
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Spot on, Amiis free. My serial cheater ex (unbeknownst to me until 25 years and 2 kids into the marriage) referred to his multiple affairs, deceipt, and debauchery as “what happened.” Like it was some natural disaster….some accidental or random thing over which he had no control or restraint. I especially hated it when he used that term when talking wtih my kids. Who DOES that???

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Amiisfree,
Just reading posts as missed many yesterday. Your’s is brilliant, as usual.
“Sexual contact, whether verbal or physical, can’t be a mistake, because it’s a choice.”
Everything you said is spot on, but this statement jumped out at me.
Exactly, that first time they both take off their clothes, ( well, of course, he would take off her’s), and his privates fall into her privates, well, that is no mistake, (accident)!
Exactly, those word, NO MISTAKE, (ACCIDENT) on either of their “parts”.
You are right, Amiisfree, there are certainly no positive lights to be found in cheating!
Arrgggg!

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
5 years ago

“She is a soft spot for me to land.”
This was said to to me after I discovered my husband of 26 years was talking to the OW everday.

Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

When I read that, I almost felt bad for his OW. Almost, but not really.

Nice of her to be the back up. Do ya’ think she knows? Prolly not.

I’m sorry you had to deal with that moron.

Shell-shocked-chump
Shell-shocked-chump
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

Oh yuck, Chumptastic
That’s just plain mean.

So sorry!

(((Chumptastic)))

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago

Sigh. It is worse when the fuckwit tells the kids how great their replacement is going to be.

10 years ago with OW#1, my fuckwit asked his 13-yr old daughter if she would like to have a little sister, and said the name of the 4-year old girl of the never-married OW who they knew and had babysat for. At this point our daughters were 13 and 15 and were just so boring and not adequate kibble dispensers but that little 4 YO girl was just the perfect size. What a great replacement family! They would really like her and the OW! Much better than the wife appliance.

My now-23 and 25 YO daughters are disgusted by him now that he totally poofed for a new 26 YO ho-worker and have told him so. Apparently this new OW has a kid, too.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
5 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

When a man walks out on his wife, he also walks out on his family if he has one. Kids feel that, especially when he doesn’t even use most of the parenting time he was allocated

My cheater not only left me and the kids, he also left behind 2 dogs he insisted we get. He then bought a new puppy with OW and keeps sending the kids pictures of the puppy. He is clueless in that he is just reinforcing that his family is replaceable. I have a feeling, next up will be a pregnant OW and he will think that child and the kids won’t be able to resist a baby. It is all about manipulation and disregard of their feelings.

Cancer Chump
Cancer Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

My 7 year old daughter cried to me once “He didn’t just leave you, he left me too!” That said, he is still in her life EOW. But she knows he willingly signed up for that.

Our divorce was final in Feb. His girlfriend is expecting their child in April. My daughter can’t wait to meet the OW! She wants to see the inside of her house! She sounds fun! I asked her why she thinks the OW sounds fun? What does she know about her? Her answer was nothing. She thinks she HAS to like the OW and accept the new baby to make her dad happy. What a setup for future emotional issues.

Mehitable
Mehitable
5 days ago
Reply to  Cancer Chump

I know this is an old post but I just have to say…..make sure that your kids know, in an age appropriate way, that not only is your dad leaving you…but THEM for this other person, and this AP is just as guilty as Dad (or Mom) is. You don’t have to call ex bad names but you should be honest about what they are actually doing and how it affects the kids. Don’t cover up for these degenerates, kids need to know the truth, both for their current lives and to build in their futures. They need to know who to trust and why.

wonderwoman
wonderwoman
5 years ago

Before Dday my husband started casually mentioning things about going to new places he was going to. He would come home from work (2 hours late) and say he tried this new gas station, or grocery store, or car wash etc. these places were all in an adjoining town where schmoopies mom lived and she had to stop and get her kids there. These places are all in the totally opposite direction of our house. Then he graduated to “accidentally “ calling our cat by her cats name and telling me little hint hint stories about this really cute blonde at the eyeglass store who helped him pick out his new eyeglasses or this cute blonde who told him to try some new product fron the grocery store. But he never mentioned her by name to me. Even after Dday i have never heard him say her name. Just how nice she is and how much her two kids think he is the greatest thing ever and all that bullshit.

Mehvolution
Mehvolution
5 years ago
Reply to  wonderwoman

WW-
I noticed something similar…mentioning things related to OW without explicitly mentioning OW. Not sure why. Maybe he felt less guilty because it felt like he was telling me? Maybe the duplicity was a kick? Maybe both? Besides this, there was all the ridiculous “you’d like her” bs. What an idiot!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  wonderwoman

Her two kids thing he is great. I wouldn’t be too sure. I asked ex what Schmoopies five kids thought of all of this. He said they understood. Hear a rumor the other day (several times removed so I suppose it could be false) that her oldest still at home did not take his parent’s divorce well and was doing drugs. That doesn’t sound so ok with it all to me.

Now I am also in the awkward position of not knowing if I should say something or not if the rumor is true and the parents don’t know. It isn’t really my business but if something bad happened to him I would feel responsible. He seems like a sweet kid.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
5 years ago

Skankboy never said this to me. My Dday was swift. He knew better than to talk that day! I’m sure the look I gave him knocked him into another time zone. That was the only day I thought, “what a smart man!”

Over and Out
Over and Out
5 years ago

I heard that, too… The only thing I like about Schmoopie is that she unburdened me of a serious dead weight! Bless her little heart. I know what her future will be. That’s the silver lining to my having survived the shit-show with Fuckwit. He quickly found someone else to take my place. He’s still an ass and treats her just like he treated me… Not the catch she thought she was getting, I’m sure. SO glad I’m free!!!

Folly24
Folly24
5 years ago

Arsewipe has not tried that on me but told my daughters 20 and 17 they’d really like OW if they met her. Suppose at 26 she is much nearer their age!!
He tells me it’s unfair to compare us as they have fun together- they go afternoon drinking!! Match made in heaven

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Folly24

My ex and Schmoopie are both 49 but emotionally they are still in high school. I worry that my high school senior daughter may be taken in by their sparkles as she is emotionally the same age. I want to make sure she has a chance to mature into a full adult someday. Oh well, she is going away to college next year so hopefully that will save her.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago

I am currently getting an interesting twist on this theme–a friend of mine is trying to convince me that my X’s AP/GF is a good egg.

My DD17, after 3 years of NC with her cheater father, has gotten back in touch with him and visits him 2 nights a week. After Hannibal had his AP/GF fish for information from a friend of mine (as I am NC with him), the friend tried to convince me that I should talk to the GF about the trouble my daughter has been getting in, as she will be more reasonable than Hannibal himself.

In what universe am I going to discuss parenting with a woman who was sleeping with my then-husband, and broke up her own family with two children to be with Hannibal? Boggles the mind that my ‘friend’ would even suggest this.

Mehitable
Mehitable
5 days ago
Reply to  Tempest

That’s no friend, that’s an enabler. Drop that person and go NC. All supporters of adultery need to be handled the same way – NC.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest may I suggest you ask your “friend” what she’s smoking and if it is recreational or medicinal.

What the ever-loving Fuck.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

What a strange dynamic, Tempest!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

People confuse me. Has this friend ever met you?!? 😉

Stillhere
Stillhere
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Exactly Tempest!

Nikki Lynn
Nikki Lynn
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

“Friend” needs some enlightenment or a throat punch, one. Fucking clueless.

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
5 years ago

I probably posted the same last time this column ran…yep I got the “The funny thing is you and him would get along your very alike”

This was a guy who:-

– Was on his 2nd affair
– His mother In law had just died
– His father in law had just been told he had a terminal illness
– Was prepared to break up my family
– A liar
– A cheat

He died in a plane crash soon after D-Day, a year later his widow killed herself. Just very sad, but no he wasn’t like me.

JC
JC
5 years ago

“Well DONE, Forsythe! You really bagged a gem there!”

Ha!! A distant relative from Ireland once met my now-XW. In his thick brogue, he said, “She’s a fuckin’ gem!”

With my now-deep understanding of sparkles, I get it, just not in the way that he meant.

All that glitters is not gold.

Free Vix
Free Vix
5 years ago

I cringe from head to toe about this topic. (Is it possible for fingernails to cringe?? Mine do.) When we were “reconciling” after D-day, I looked up the OW online and afterward told ex she seemed like someone I’d be friends with. I was desperately trying to re-establish a bond so we could talk openly and honestly about what happened. (Translation: I always talked openly and honestly, and I was doing the pick-me dance to get him to reciprocate.) I’m sure he told the OW about my statement to goad her into dancing pretty for him, and they clucked about how unfortunate but totally inevitable the whole situation was.

Of all the pathetic things I said and did after D-day, for some reason I find this to be among the most humiliating because I ate the shit sandwich while he watched on, to his great satisfaction. Luckily I found Chump Lady not long after and wised up and told him to fuck off. That felt much better. And no, I wouldn’t be friends with the OW. She’s a giant steaming turd of a human, just like my ex, and neither of them are friend material, let alone spouse material.

Gorillapoop
Gorillapoop
5 years ago
Reply to  Free Vix

Free Vix – You did what you had to do. Cowards would have crumbled but you fought for the marriage you had signed up for. I cyber stalked the AP trying to “get it.” Why her? What’s wrong with me? I pick-me-fucked my way back into his heart. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, voluntarily eating that shit sandwich every single day and prostituting my dignity to win him back. I did it for my marriage, and I especially did it for my little ones. But I was a misinformed hero. The RIC helped me believe my efforts could work. And it would have been worth it if he had been worth it. But I learned the hard way who I had fought for and “won.” It would take 3 more years for Dday 2 to come, and the true depth of his suckitude to be revealed. I know now, thanks to CL, that I should have thrown him out on Dday 1, but I try to be grateful that Dday 2 came at 11 years of marriage instead of 21 or 31. I now understand I didn’t win him back, he just didn’t have the balls to leave me the first time he was caught. You are my hero for doing what you needed to do to assess the damage, then finding CL and tellimg him to fuck off.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  Free Vix

“Luckily I found Chump Lady not long after and wised up and told him to fuck off. That felt much better. ”

Ding ding ding!! It DOES feel much better to tell these cheaters to fuck off. Spread the word.

Free Vix
Free Vix
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Sometimes it still feels good when the situation calls for it!

JC
JC
5 years ago
Reply to  Free Vix

It’s one of the many incongruent arguments that they make:

I need someone different from you because you don’t fulfill me, but the person I found is someone you would like and befriend–and is actually LIKE you in many ways.

She never said that your ex was like me or that I’d like him, but I do know that he and I share some personality traits.

She sucks, totally. I talked with family about her recent decisions, and they rolled their eyes. Some of their reactions:

“It’s all about her, all the time.”
“I see she still hasn’t learned responsibility.”
“I didn’t see it when you were married, but she really IS spoiled, huh?”
“That’s not a real job.” And…
“With that name, that baby needs a leg up in life; looks like she’s not going to get it.”

Free Vix
Free Vix
5 years ago
Reply to  JC

#Schadenfreude

All. The. Way. ????

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
5 years ago

My father passed away 9 days ago.
In all the drama of his illness and leading up to his death I would occasionally hear from my ex who would leave me a message or a text letting me know my father was in his thoughts. ( #impressionmanagment)
When my dad passed last week I got a condolence text from his mistress stating that she was sorry for my loss and assuring me that the pain would get easier.
Here’s the part I’m not proud of….
Through my tears I was like “wtf????”
Texted my sister who replied “ I thought it was customary to apologize for having an affair with your husband before offering condolences on your deceased father.
Guess not.”
Had I not been a bit out of my head I never would of done this. I’m great at”polite business” conversation only when necessary……that being said, I called him and went off my grief stricken rails about how inappropriate it was. He did nothing but defend that she was a great person just trying to be kind and that if I wasn’t “crazy” and if I was “over him” I would “like her”, then SHE got on the phone and proceeded to scream that I obviously hadn’t moved on. Why did she get on the phone? Because I was unaware I was on speaker phone so she could listen. Who does that??? An asshole, that’s who.
I don’t know how calling out shitty behavior means Ive not moved on…..whatever.
My son said “congrats mom….you took the bait. This is chapter 1 in his playbook.”
My child was correct.
I don’t know what possessed me to do anything other than ignore them.
So, no….I don’t like her. No, I won’t like her. No, I will no longer even be polite.
Watch me no contact now! It’ll be like I’ve entered witness protection.

Mehitable
Mehitable
5 days ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Again, an old post, but I probably would have done the same thing, or gone over there in person to raise some hell. Completely evil pieces of shit who deliberately do things to trigger others….don’t kick yourself if you react. Reacting isn’t always the worst thing, it’s human. As for why she’s on speaker phone, I’ve seen this a couple of time with couples and it’s usually the listening spouse is VERY controlling and probably has reason to be….in this case, she doesn’t trust the FW either. When you know how you got them, you know how you got them.

Waffles
Waffles
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Paintwidow, I’m so sorry for your loss. You need actual support from those who love you, not a couple of jackals. Fuck those two irrelevant ding dongs.

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

((((((Paintwidow))))),
I send hugs and caring thoughts to you on the sad loss of your Dad.
When a person is dealing with the illness and the personal loss of a loved one we tend to give, and to draw strength, from those who have meaning in our life, others whom we love deeply, well we help each other through the loss. We stick together.
A cheater and the OW have no place in this tight circle of support.
You were exhausted and hurt by their actions. You did nothing wrong.
Stay Mighty Paintwidow, leave them in your rear view mirror, tiny specs of dirt that they are!

Paintwodow
Paintwodow
5 years ago
Reply to  peacekeeper

❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you all for your kind thoughts and helping me work through what was a colossal misstep on my part.
Lesson learned.

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwodow

What you did was understandable. Don’t beat yourself up about it. My dad passed three months into the divorce process. I remained no contact by not allowing ex or family to attend. Not only did my adult sons NOT receive any cards or calls of sympathy on the loss of their grandfather from the ex side of the family, the ex actually made derogatory comments about him to my sons.

Mommamarsh
Mommamarsh
5 years ago
Reply to  NotMyFault

Paintwidow, so sorry for the loss of your father. I never cease to be amazed at the depths to which these “people” will sink to “image manage.” But then again, why should any of us be surprised? We, of all people, know who and what they are. Even when I was still married to ex, I used to sometimes marvel at the things he would say via his twisted “logic.” Don’t be too hard on yourself….you responded like a NORMAL, feeling human being, and all of these “exes” and “others” clearly are neither normal or feeling. Sending hugs and prayers for your peace.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

I am sending condolences and hugs to you Paintwidow on the loss of your father. Your Ex and the OW are pissing mole rats from hell and your upset and emotional response are completely understandable. The OW is neither friend nor family; she was all the way out of order to have communicated with you in any way. Bitch (and really, that’s an insult to bitches everywhere). Allow me to despise those two hyenas on your behalf while you grief your loss.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Chump Princess

Well said. I will second all of that. She had no business contacting the victim of her crimes let alone offing fake condolences at a time of grief.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Paintwidow I’m so sorry about your father. You have every right to be enraged by all of it. Every single thing these monsters do is intentional and heartless and meant to cause pain. Don’t let them make you feel bad for responding like an actual grieving human. What they think or say has zero meaning. They are scum and they know it.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago

You hadn’t moved on? Sounds like that ow is more worried about you stealing away her trophy. Paintwidow that’s what its all about with these idiots. Even more than impression management. They all live in fear of someone stealing their toys. They all spew the same cliches. Its all about fear. You are so much stronger than her. Don’t think for a second you’re not!

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago

And paintwidow your x knew that it would upset you. Thats what he wanted. So he could say shes not over me. It ups his value to the ow. None of it had anything to do with kindness or compassion for you. Please don’t allow them to make you feel like you are not gracious. How dare they take advantage of your grief to play their stupid games. I am so sorry that happened to you.

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
5 years ago

Thanks guys.
I’m constantly amazed by these idiots.
Only those here will understand how hard I’m kicking myself over this.
He started gushing over how great she was and how ungrateful for the gesture I was and a red must came over me.
Ugh….resetting my “days without incident” back to zero.

Mitz
Mitz
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

They could make a preacher swear. Sometimes their behavior is so insanely self centered that we just snap. I did when my ex told me that his affair would make our life more vibrant. Or when he told me that our kids are nauseated by my new relationship, and will never, ever have any relationship with my new partner, and that he would see to that. I responded that ‘nausea’ was what his 3 year affair caused, not my actions after our separation. I haven’t bit since.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

He knows she’s garbage. No normal person would ever respond the way your x did. Its kinda like this, if your garbage bag breaks and garbage gets all over your pretty new shoes you are probably going to let a few words fly. But no one is going to feel bad for the garbage.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Paintwidow–so sorry to hear about your father’s passing, and the ensuing mindfuckery from OW. I certainly don’t credit cheaters or OW with a conscience (in 99% of cases), but I do think they know society frowns on what they’ve done. Hence the scramble to chalk up a lot of “good” acts to compensate (like offering you condolences).

What they don’t realize is a stack of good acts from the North Pole to the Equator will never compensate for what they did to victimize us and their own children.

Tessie
Tessie
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Great big hugs, Paintwindow. I am so sorry. Isn’t that just so typical of a narcissistic cheater, sweeping in at the most vulnerable time for you, and heaping abuse and cruelty on top of your grief? Textbook.

They are truly evil.

Seems like they richly deserve each other. Just know with characters so deficient, they will also provide each other’s karma. It is inevitable.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Sending you my condolences, PaintWidow.

Beth
Beth
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

I’m so sorry for your loss, Paintwidow. I can understand your reaction: you were literally grief stricken and weren’t thinking clearly. Now it’s over and you’re back on track. And fuck them both for trying to use your grief to their advantage. {{{hugs}}}

P.S. That’s a smart kid you’ve got there. He’s a keeper. 🙂

Kathleen
Kathleen
5 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Paintwindow
I’m so sorry for your loss. I almost screamed with anger for that telephone call & the nerve of whore saying those things to you! Your ex is a disgusting cheating dirtbag!

Stay away from these toxic low class people & free your mind & heart. I experienced similar things during the devaluation & I know the pain.

Take care of yourself & your mental, physical self.
You are the most important person now.

Fuck both of them.. they are sick individuals!!

Bless you. ❤️

Kathleen
Kathleen
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

Correction. Paintwidow

Tessie
Tessie
5 years ago

Yeah, that line came right after the ILYBINILWY line. (Straight out of the narcissistic cheater handbook.) I sat and listened in shock as it was the first inkling I had of his affair. He touted her virtues, and her need to have big strong him take of poor little fragile her. When he started to tell me her problems and wanted me to help problem solve, my anger shook me out of my fog, and I told him if she was so great, why wasn’t he there with her……..No answer.

He actually engineered us meeting in a public manner that was meant to humiliate me, and to prove to an audience how superior to me she was. It was an Alanon meeting, that I was chairing that week, where everyone knew we were married. They put on quite a show. I put on my big girl panties and calmly chaired the damn meeting while ignoring them.

Afterwards I spent a few minutes in the bathroom crying. Then I pulled myself together, splashed some cold water on my face and went out to lower the boom. Walked by them saying their good-byes got in the car, and when he got in, told fuckwit we were going home to pack his shit…… you want her, you got her, asshole. He was all, wait a minute, wait a minute, you have to give me time to make up my mind. I said fine, you have three days.

You all know what happened, he picked me and kept the affair with her going. He just got sneakier.

As for schmoopie, not much to look at, the morals of a whore, and just as sociopathic as cheater ex. She was screwing her way through AA trying to get to the most solvent guy she could snag. Once she sucked all the money she could get out of cheater ex she dumped him….and told him why, he wasn’t making enough money to suit her.

Aww poor ex, here he thought it was tru luv. I almost felt sorry for him…. almost.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago

It isn’t a huge surprise that certain surface aspects of partners and affair partners are similar. Shallow people choose based on which shiny objects look appealing at the time. That’s why they casually categorize people into types so easily.

The reality, though, is that you (and I, the chumps) are fundamentally different from people who are that pathologically deceptive. Your cores won’t ever match up.

wonderwoman
wonderwoman
5 years ago

Two of the three (that I know who they are). Look alot like me. The one thing all three of them had in common is they were all three single moms in bad economic situations with more than one child all from different men. All three were looking for a father figure for their kids (my opinion) and a knight in shining armor. When we were a married couple we were solid middle class with no children

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
5 years ago

OMG! This x1000 ????????????????????????????????If I had a dollar for every time X said this in the past 3 years I would be rich! Shame on me for not going NC sooner. I control me now.

X has literally harassed our KIDS with this bs too! So bad that their therapist interceded and tried to enforce boundaries. It hasn’t worked— the old “no one is the boss of me” syndrome. Of course, said with a scowl and a stomp of his hoof like the 2 year old he is.

Fuck him. I’m so glad to be rid of that abuse.

No contact is the only path to peace and truth and justice. Carry on……meh is wonderful!

woolwasovermyeyes
woolwasovermyeyes
5 years ago

He told me when he confessed to sleeping with her one time (unknown to me it was actually several times at this point, plus a secret emotional affair for several months)… in that moment he did NOT apologize to me but he remarked that he was sorry that he hurt her.

WTF?!?! Dude… I’m your WIFE, the MOTHER of your babies who were only 2 & 4 at the time of this news…

Dickhead

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
5 years ago
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