Category: Universal Bullshit Translator

UBT: “Loving Your Husband Hurts Me Too”

There is no sadder sausage than the Other Woman and her unrequited love. An alert chump sent me this submission, YourTango, “Loving Your Husband Hurts Me …

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planet narcissist

UBT: “I Found Myself and Had an Affair”

An alert chump sent me this letter to “Meredith” an advice columnist, that ran in the Boston Globe’s Love Letters. In it, a cheater laments …

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Mindfuck blender

UBT: ‘I hold no animosity for you’

Dear Chump Lady, I am a chump. I was married for two and a half years before I grew strong enough to leave. After multiple …

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UBT: Chump Lady’s ‘attitude’

Dear Chump Lady, Here’s a gem. I told my ex to read your blog. “You might want to know that CL’s abusive condescending and completely …

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no contact

UBT: “I’m sorry you feel that way”

Dear Chump Lady, Married 24 years, together 27 years. Discovered he had affair with married coworker for over two years all the while “communicating” with …

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sadz

UBT: “I was just going to ride it out”

Dear Chump Lady, I filed for divorce from my cheating husband on Friday. This is what he texted me today: I’m sorry I just don’t …

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UBT: The OW apologizes…. 2.5 years later

Dear Chump Lady, After reading Amazon Chump’s UBT, I was “triggered” to recall a similarly bizarre and unsolicited email I received from Mr. Sparkles Other …

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UBT: “I just want to help you!”

The Universal Bullshit Translator just can’t get enough of supercilious, OW twat waffle condescension. It’s like popcorn to the UBT. Popped fresh from Satan’s own …

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planet narcissist

UXWorld UBTs a Letter from KK

Hi guys, while I’m in Australia, I’m running some guest posts. This one is from UXWorld, where he UBTs a particularly sad sausage missive from …

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stitched heart

UBT: “You’re the one who still has my heart”

There’s a common trope in the Reconciliation Industrial Complex, that it doesn’t matter how many fuckbuddies one has, or for how long, the important thing …

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butt face

UBT: 7 Reasons Your Husband Left You For His Emotional Affair Partner

I think family therapist Lisa Bahar might be trolling us. I’ve read some asinine relationship listicles in my day (HuffPo I’m talking to you), but …

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UBT: I Will Return with a Fuller Love

There’s nothing like a good serving of cake to make cheaters really appreciate their chumps. Shana submitted this gem to the Universal Bullshit Translator and says …

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UBT: I Didn’t Know How to Express My Unhappiness

Hi Chump Lady, I’m 7 months out from D-Day…40-year old chump, married 15 years with 2 sons. Some highlights I discovered… My wife had multiple affairs …

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bullshit bird

UBT: I cheated because you’re stale

Dear Chump Lady, I’m about 6 months out from D-Day, and a few weeks short of when I found out my now ex-wife was having …

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glorious asshole

UBTing the Sugar Daddy

New York magazine runs a feature called “Sex Diaries,” sort of like Penthouse forum but without the improving articles. Readers anonymously send in details of their …

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Mindfuck blender

UBT: “I’m Not a Terrible Person”

Dear Chump Lady, I confronted my husband about his affair just before Christmas. He has been carrying on with a coworker who was also supposed …

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UBT: I’m a Real Silly Bunny

Hello Chump Lady, I’m hoping you may be able to advise me please? I feel so guilty for telling his wife as well as betraying …

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UBT: In Defense of Dating a Married Man

So here’s some MSN clickbait just begging to be Universal Bullshit Translator-ed this morning. A fluffy little piece of sociopathy by Shannon Boodram, sexologist, entitled …

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UBT: “My dog loves Mark.”

Dear Chump Lady, After I kicked out my cheating ex-boyfriend Mark, he moved in with one of my best friends, Heidi, as a “roommate.” Yeah, …

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Esther Perel in the #MeToo Era

I really find it bizarre that cheater apologist Esther Perel is having a moment at exactly the same time as #MeToo. When the zeitgeist on …

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