Category: Universal Bullshit Translator

Jesus Cheaters

UBT This Jesus Cheater

Dear Chump Lady, So my husband of seven years fed me the fairytale. Everything you would want in a husband he encompassed. He was handsome, …

Read More

UBT: “We Are Teachers, Not Demigods”

Dear Chump Lady, I have a small but delicious morsel for the UBT to chew on. I also have a predicament, and I would greatly …

Read More
sadz

UBT: “I Miss the Kitties”

Dear Chump Lady, Wow, I can’t get it together. I have tried so very hard , but I do not know why after so many …

Read More

UBT the Trust Bank

CN, why haven’t we deconstructed the bullshit trope of the Trust Bank yet? OMG, I’ve let you down! Recently, I got a letter that went …

Read More
planet narcissist

UBT: This Isn’t The Real Me

Ben recently submitted this glorious bit of bullshit from his not-terribly-remorseful wife. She’d like to set the record straight that the woman who cheated on …

Read More
butt face

UBT — He Took the Soup

Hello Chump Lady, I have been an avid follower of your blog since my soon-to-be ex left. We were together nearly 4 years, married for …

Read More
Mindfuck blender

UBT: The OW Wants Me to Save My Marriage

The Universal Bullshit Translator is still recovering from its burger-flipping Ruby adventure, but it couldn’t resist this recent submission. (Okay, I had to scratch its …

Read More
bullshit bird

UBT: The Burger-Flipping Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

I’m sure you’re all shocked to learn that HuffPo has yet another steaming heap of clickbait triumphant OW pick-me-dance winner essay. About happiness and personal …

Read More
mindfuck

UBT: “You Were So Perfect, I Had to Cheat”

Usually cheaters run chumps down and blameshift their affairs. You Weren’t Meeting Their Needs. You suck. They love you, but just not in that clandestine-hooker-profile-rent-a-room kind of way. …

Read More
troll

UBT: ProJared’s Divorce Statement

The Universal Bullshit Translator was awakened from its slumber to several insistent tweets that it tackle some sort of ProJared bullshit. The UBT had no idea …

Read More
Agape douchebag

Dear Chump Lady, How did he turn into a douche?

Dear Chump Lady, First time chump and I would have bet my life on the fact I’d never be in this position. I had a …

Read More

UBT: Why Happy People Cheat

I’m sure you’re all curious “Why Happy People Cheat.” ChumpPrincess sent me a link from the Good Men Project with that title. The UBT groaned, “Haven’t …

Read More

UBT: “The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life”

Well, I hope you enjoyed your background reading yesterday, CN, and can properly focus your minds on some new David Brooks bullshit. (Or have at …

Read More
conceited

David Brooks Can Bite Me

I’m sure you’re all thrilled to crumbs to learn that New York Times columnist David Brooks — deli meat snob, scourge of single mothers, and misunderstood …

Read More

Serenade the Universal Bullshit Translator

The Universal Bullshit Translator is a balky, vain old thing. It often requires coaxing to fire up the ol’ transponders. Sometimes it warms to the …

Read More
bullshit bird

UBT: “People sometimes lie or ‘forget’ to keep their promises”

Do you know how many verses of the “UBT Is So Great” song I had to sing to get it to translate Dear Therapist? I …

Read More
cake

UBT: When the OW Doesn’t Trust Her Boyfriend

Dear Therapist over at the Atlantic Monthly is on break, so perhaps she doesn’t mind me answering this godawful letter she got from an OW …

Read More
schmoopies

UBT: Eat, Pray, Happy Day?

The Universal Bullshit Translator has feasted on Elizabeth Gilbert bullshit (of Eat, Pray, Love fame) since the early days of this blog. Frankly, anyone who …

Read More
Narcissist Goldfish

UBT: “I should be nice to you”

Dear Chump Lady, While I am reaching meh, I was wondering if the Universal Bullshit Translator could help me out. During one of our last …

Read More
mindfuck

Soul Blazing and Navel Gazing

Once upon a time, I took apart this execrable article —  “Is It Time to Change Our Ideas of Adultery and Marriage?” This is all …

Read More
>