Category: Universal Bullshit Translator

Serenade the Universal Bullshit Translator

The Universal Bullshit Translator is a balky, vain old thing. It often requires coaxing to fire up the ol’ transponders. Sometimes it warms to the …

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bullshit bird

UBT: “People sometimes lie or ‘forget’ to keep their promises”

Do you know how many verses of the “UBT Is So Great” song I had to sing to get it to translate Dear Therapist? I …

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cake

UBT: When the OW Doesn’t Trust Her Boyfriend

Dear Therapist over at the Atlantic Monthly is on break, so perhaps she doesn’t mind me answering this godawful letter she got from an OW …

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schmoopies

UBT: Eat, Pray, Happy Day?

The Universal Bullshit Translator has feasted on Elizabeth Gilbert bullshit (of Eat, Pray, Love fame) since the early days of this blog. Frankly, anyone who …

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Narcissist Goldfish

UBT: “I should be nice to you”

Dear Chump Lady, While I am reaching meh, I was wondering if the Universal Bullshit Translator could help me out. During one of our last …

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mindfuck

Soul Blazing and Navel Gazing

Once upon a time, I took apart this execrable article —  “Is It Time to Change Our Ideas of Adultery and Marriage?” This is all …

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word salad

Be the UBT

There is only one patented Universal Bullshit Translator. But alas, there’s more bullshit in the land than one UBT can handle. That’s why your fun …

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ego kibbles

UBT: “People Grow Apart”

Dear Chump Lady I have a request for the UBT. I’m just over a year out after D-Day and am pretty much no contact with …

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UBT: “Loving Your Husband Hurts Me Too”

There is no sadder sausage than the Other Woman and her unrequited love. An alert chump sent me this submission, YourTango, “Loving Your Husband Hurts Me …

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“I Didn’t Mean To” Debunked

Dear Chump Lady, I was married to a very lovely man for 15 years. He was “nice,” yet he needed parenting. That’s where I came …

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‘Is it my fault my ex ran off with our nanny?’

Dear Chump Lady, My ex-husband cheated and ran off with the nanny. According to my ‘friends’ and family, it’s all my fault and they knew …

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wayward

UBT: “Neither of us are perfect”

Dear Chump Lady, One for the UBT, please.   This was brought on by a note I discovered this morning in which he asked a third …

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piffle

UBT: ‘A Letter to My Lover’s Wife’

The Universal Bullshit Translator delights in the word vomit of the Other Woman with a bad case of the sadz. The sort of star-crossed luvah …

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UBT: “I wish I could take it back”

When a cheater apologizes, it can seem awfully churlish not to accept their “sorry.” After fucking around, at last they’re owning it! Chump hearts swell, …

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UBT: “There Are No Right Answers”

Dear God, the UBT has a buffet of crap to choose from. A alert chump sent me this HuffPo article by Samantha Rodman, PhD entitled “My …

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UBT: “I Want to Dive Into You”

Dear Chump Lady, I am currently in the divorce process with my cheating wife. We have been married for 15 years, with 4 kids. This …

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sadz

UBT: “I Don’t Mean to Worry You, But…”

Dear Chump Lady, My (now ex-) husband of 23 years (together since we were both 16 at school, so 31 years in total) began behaving …

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word salad

UBT: “You Represent Christmastime”

Hi Chump Lady, If you could run the following email through your UBT, I would GREATLY appreciate it. This is coming from someone who cheated …

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UBT: “I’m in a Good Place Now”

Dear Chump Lady, So two years ago my husband of 25 years left me for his technician, immediately moved her in, got her pregnant and they are …

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sadz

UBT: “I Don’t Understand”

Dear Chump Lady, I have a gold mine for the UBT that deserves its moment in the sun. At the time, it was a mean …

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