Dr. Orion Taraban: ‘Ladies’ Thank Your Men for Not Cheating
In a video “The Appreciation Gap” psychologist Dr. Orion Taraban instructs women to offer incentive “carrots” to men for not cheating on them. Monogamy is a constant struggle and we need to do better to reward their efforts.
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Someone in the CN community asked if I would comment on the misogynistic Red Pill claptrap of shrink influencer Dr. Orion Taraban. I try to avoid the Manosphere completely, lest my curly head explode, but I threw myself on this grenade for you. Consider it my sacrifice.
Which brings me to the topic of today’s sermon: appreciation.
According to Dr. Orion Taraban, men make great sacrifices by not cheating.
And we fail to appreciate them at our peril, Ladies.
“While some men might be (air quotes) ‘naturally monogamous’ it’s pretty clear that sexual exclusivity does not come easily for the vast majority of men.”
Ah, the old monogamy isn’t natural argument. Yes, but exploitation is natural, and feigning commitment to reap the rewards of commitment is as old as time. And isn’t reserved to one gender.
But it’s nice to know that Dr. Orion Taraban speaks for All Men. Straight, gay, transgender! He is your monolithic spokesperson. Well, except for you freaks who honor your commitments.
Dick tethering is a great struggle.
“When men surrender their optionality for one specific woman and they continually resist the temptation or enticement of other women, men often feel like they’ve done something rather significant like a warrior, they have protected their commitment through a great inner battle.
It can be effortful and difficult to forgo desirable opportunities for the sake of their commitment and men are often keenly aware of the sacrifices their victories entail.
Women, you surrendering your optionality is just what ladies do if you don’t want to be called sluts or stoned. Monogamy is a cake walk for you. Never in the history of time have men paternity tested their children. Your sexual exclusivity is assumed. Which is why we invented chastity belts and witch burnings.
Ladies, Dr. Orion Taraban knows you consider not cheating to be “the bare minimum” in a relationship. But don’t you understand men’s urges? I bet you think not slapping you into next week is the bare minimum too. Thank him for that.
We have an appreciation gap.
You fail to appreciate his restraint.
“Both perspectives contain some truth… However neither party is behaving effectively here.
And here, the good doctor throws chumps a bone. Okay, he must concede that the ladies have a point. Men, you did lead her to believe you would be exclusive. Some of you even went so far as to stand in front of assembled friends and family and make vows. She might have the irrational idea that this meant something.
“Be honest in your commitments. Don’t expect appreciation for your sacrifice. Virtue has to be its own reward.
She will NOT give you a bitch cookie for being faithful. Your epic struggle to resist the pussy buffet must be its own reward.
So, men, why did you commit in the first place?
BECAUSE YOU MADE HIM. This is your fault.
“He is trying to make his woman happy or to get her not to leave.”
Being “his woman” should be reward enough. Now, get back in the kitchen and stay there.
Loyalty doesn’t make women happy.
So it stands to reason that cheating shouldn’t make her unhappy. She doesn’t value loyalty really. Nothing can make women happy! Dr. Orion Taraban repeats:
“However, loyalty doesn’t make women happy. Loyalty. Doesn’t. Make. Women. Happy.”
Quack
Look at you poor schlubs keeping it your pants. And for what?
“Trust me, there are plenty of unhappy women in the world whose husbands are loyal to them, miserable women don’t remember that their husbands aren’t sleeping with other women, which again is what they were supposed to be doing anyway. People are as happy as they choose to be.”
What is systemic injustice? An attitude problem that needs adjusting. You got a problem being disenfranchised, discriminated against, pistol whipped? You’re as happy as you choose to be.
Count your blessings. Turn that frown upside down. Don’t make me give you something to cry about.
Now, Dr. Orion Taraban would like to hear from the ladies.
“Let’s consider the point of view of the woman who believes that monogamy is simply a given.”
Nah, let’s not. And chide her instead for her shitty communication skills.
“She also isn’t behaving effectively here. In general it’s a good idea to err on the side of being too emotionally generous with your partner. You’re much safer assuming that their actions reflect effort and intention even when they don’t, than you are assuming that their actions are effortless.
It costs absolutely nothing to recognize your partner’s efforts. Women with loyal partners could periodically recognize the fact that they don’t have to give a man a cookie, but it would be better if they did.”
And by cookie, I mean anal.
It is not effortless for him to fuck only you. He has OPTIONS. And you do not, tethered as you are to small children, financial sunk costs, and some hysterical idea that people honor their commitments.
There is no reward to men for being loyal.
Let’s talk about this, Ladies! Women: from the perspective of most men, there is no reward for being loyal in a sexual relationship, but there is an enormous penalty for stepping out and don’t quibble with me here. Things like not losing a woman or preventing divorce are not rewards — those are punishments disguised as rewards!
Don’t quibble with the doctor, Missy. Sit down and shut up.
And any situation in which there is no reward for indefinite perfection and severe punishment for the first infraction is a real shitty contingency schedule. Ladies! Imagine a job where no matter how good you were, no matter how hard you worked, no matter what sacrifices you made, you never got a bonus, let alone recognized for your efforts. How would that make you feel?
Like I was married to a fuckwit. Oh hey, I was. This is some top-shelf DARVO, Dr. T. Clearly, you perfected such mindfuckery at shrink school. Yes, women have absolutely no idea what it is to have their labor unappreciated. Never in the history of misogyny have we been underestimated, underpaid, or overlooked. Clearly, the onus is on us to appreciate the decent behavior men bestow upon us, which is REALLY DIFFICULT FOR THEM.
Perfect is the standard.
Any deviation from your perfect track record could invalidate decades of good performance and lead to significant and immediate financial consequences. How do you think that would affect your emotional well-being?
I feel duly chastised. How could I be so thoughtless? Divorce has no financial consequences for women.
So many women act when they take their male partner’s sexual exclusivity for granted. There is no carrot only sticks! Which could very well be part of the reason why marriage tends to beat the spirit out of men. It’s a relationship fundamentally executed through the threat of punishment as opposed to the hope of reward.
Monogamy is a punishment and perfection is the standard. Is it any wonder he cheats on you? What’s with these standards? Sure, it’s easy for you to achieve perfect monogamy, but do you know how difficult it is for FWs?
Smart women use carrots to motivate behavior in their partners. Not only do they respect and appreciate their man’s sacrifices in the service of their sexual exclusivity, they go a step further.
Smart women train men with carrots. Clap like a seal! Or ride a bicycle like a bear! Men can be trained to do unnatural things with their dicks!
Reward him.
Women, you hate when men cheat on you. But what reward do you offer for them being loyal to you?
Uh, being loyal back? Birthing their children? Remembering their mother’s birthday?
WTF with the rewards system? Do I get a Ruth Chris Steakhouse gift card with enough points? What transactional mindfuckery is this?
What reward are men offering women for being faithful to them? Not killing them? Holy misogyny, Batman.
Women can reduce the likelihood that men will cheat on them.
Yes, Ladies. You control whether men cheat. This is all on you. Send $399 to Dr. T for the cure.
Gamify the process. Give him some carrots.
Give him something he could look forward to as a consequence of the good action you would like him to perform. Men are mostly rational if they understand that they would get more out of being loyal than they would by not being loyal. They are much more likely to honor their commitments and women are largely in control of those contingencies.
Women are in control of men’s loyalties?
Is this true for all behavior, or just cheating? Like if we dress modestly, will they not rape us?
Now obviously women are going to have different comfort levels with respect to the enticements they will be willing to offer in exchange for continued loyalty. But offering some enticement is a no-brainer and the creamier the enticement, the more effective it’s likely to be.
Creamier? What percentage of milk fat would you like in my subservience to your dick loyalty?
If I have to exchange sexual favors for continued loyalty, I’ve a) entered an arms race where the standards of loyalty are ever changing and I do not control the market. And b) I’m not in a relationship, I’m in a position of servitude.
Fuck your “commitment.” And best of luck with your optionality, Warrior.
Yeah, no thanks. I’ve raised three toddlers, I don’t need a fourth, especially one that never grows up.
This guy can kiss my ass in Macy’s window.
OMG! As a male chump this is infuriating to read someone say stupid shit like this. Ugh. Don’t put me in your bad character box buddy. I was faithful to my cheating wife because I respected her, I made a commitment to her, I believe that’s how people should be treated, it’s how I wanted to be treated, and I knew the pain it would cause if I ever did stray. It wasn’t because of the things she did for me, how she dressed, or any transactional thing. So fucked up. So. we should approach all romantic relationships as a transaction? Well, ALL men aren’t like this. I choose to because of loyalty, commitment, and respect, not “What has she done for me lately.” I hate cheaters and cheater sympathizers.
Oh, absolutely not all men – or any gender across the spectrum! – are like this. It’s just an unfortunately misogynistic view (and, in a way, a form of misandry as well – patriarchy hurts us all) that I’ve heard many times before. I even read it in a relationship book as a preteen once. When (straight) men cheat, it’s no big deal (and probably the woman’s fault anyways), but when a woman does it? Well, that’s a massive betrayal, because she wears that special negligee and gives him special attention (literally something I read). As if FW men don’t do the same thing.
I’m sure this “good doctor” has a number of affairs under his belt, and takes comfort in assuming all men do. What a moldy cumrag.
Another male chump singing amen to this. My cheating ex-wife so loved to play the gender victim card (because childbirth is painful and work sucks and staying at home in the suburbs is oppressively boring etc.) and to some extent played it in defense of her “exuberant” life choices that included affairs and chronic lying, which was incredibly insulting to both men who aren’t cheaters (um, me?) and women who are true victims of gender-related oppression. Millions of us men value emotional maturity and faithfulness (in our partners and ourselves) as much as any women you know: Being male doesn’t mean you’re a cheater any more than being a cheater means you’re male.
Also on that bandwagon.
Your fuckwit must know my fuckwit. Same playbook! Maybe they were in book club together?
You are a perfect example of Not All Men are Bad. Thank you for living up to that statement and being a good one!
cMCc,
I’m also a male Chump and I couldn’t agree with you more.
People like Dr Taraban do not speak for me. Furthermore, the “men” that he describes are not the man that I choose to be. Dr Taraban can (if I may borrow a phrase from the late Douglas Adams) go and stick his head in a pig.
LFTT
You should consider saying this over at his YouTube video and sharing your thoughts with the men over there who are trashing their wives in the comments section and believing themselves entitled to cheat.
Your sentiment is nice but unfortunately you’re preaching to the choir here. Misogyny only stops when men hold other men accountable. Woman-hating men don’t listen to us.
No pig deserves that- the good Dr is the biggest man hater I’ve seen in a while.
Bluewren,
I suspect that he knows that he a POS, but is trying to “normalise” his thinking/behaviour by trying to convince people that all men think like that. Either that, or he’s just an epic troll trying to make a quick buck from the “Manosphere.”
LFTT
I was just gonna jump on here and say this because I know men have been cheated on as well. This is so outdated and truly ignorant information.
Feel free to comment on his Youtube page. It’s full of misogynistic comments on what women can do to keep their men. Barf.
Normally I’d be all over trolling this sack of dung and his creepy commenters, but my power is out and my phone will soon die. 😭
I’m reminded of the fact manosphere influencers don’t make money on men who are happily partnered. Like hey fellas, why would you take advice from a guy who’s clearly got a financial incentive in keeping you angry and single? You clearly will be if you take his advice.
I don’t have a YouTube account, but hopefully someone here who does can comment, and mention/link the CL website. My guess is there are quite a few chumps (or chumps in waiting) out there watching this vid who are just starting their “what did I do wrong I can fix this” pick-me dance.
Cool- a ready made list of men to avoid- well done YouTube 😆
I fear I might be arrested if I do…
Wow, just wow! A reward for doing the bare minimum of what is expected when you take a vow? In my opinion, I gave a FW cheater a reward. He got the reward of being single again! Now he can feast as much as he wants at the pussy buffet The only drawback is that he does not have the wife appliance at home doing all those bothersome tasks. Oh well.
I can’t believe anyone but a FW would buy into this reward system.
I used to be shocked at how many men were surprised that I wasn’t bowled over by the bare minimum they displayed and how easily I walked away. I’m no longer shocked. Most men really do think they’re entitled to my time and act like they’re doing me a favor by showing a modicum of respect (which they’re not sincere about anyway).
Only personality disordered people, those are the FW’s of our world
If one follows the doc’s twisted logic then the best course of action is: keep the Chump appliance at home in servitude through gaslighting and abuse, while fucking strange on the side! Your reward is sex with everyone and anyone while enjoying the social benefits, free labor and paycheck of your Chump. THAT seems to be the true message here
Yeah, same. They want BOTH — the buffet AND the mommy at home. I said no, too, and he went into a narcissist rage that was quite scary. How he thought I’d EVER go along with than nonsense shows how little he knew me after 30 yrs. SMH. Now he can do whatever he wants and hope he gets checked for STDs on a regular basis. I hope it was worth it to leave a loving wife and fam.
“I hope it was worth it to leave a loving wife and fam.”
The problem with most these cheaters is that they don’t actually WANT to leave the loving spouse and fam. They want cake. To keep the spouse AND have the AP too. But you can’t have both.
Sure, some of them abandon their families to run off with AP, but I suspect that a lot of those scenarios weren’t intended that way. Maybe the FW was cheating a lot and then found one that stuck, or they leave the family bc they get caught and it’s easier to pretend that this AP is their soul mate that they can’t help but be with, vs acknowledging that they are just a dumb selfish FW that blew up everyone’s life.
I am convinced that most of them would love nothing more than to just live a double life forever.
There are many things in life that require a choice. A much more wholesome example is if you go to a restaurant and there are 2 entries that you are deciding between, and they both sound great, you can’t have both. You simply have to choose one. (In this case, I am not comparing a spouse/ap to the entres, but marriage vs single life)
It’s also a little like deciding to have kids. There is a freedom that couples who are childfree by choice have that people who decide to have kids don’t. But you can’t have both. You choose. You either have the kids and give up some freedom, or you don’t, and then you have the freedom to do stuff you couldn’t as easily do with young kids, but don’t have the good things that come with raising a family.
This whole idea of “it’s so hard for men to be monogamous that you should reward your husband or not cheating” is just such bunk. As stated as nauseum, plenty of male chumps here who had cheating wives. But also if keeping it in your pants is so hard, don’t get married. Never mind don’t get married, don’t get serious with one woman. Sure, making that choice means giving up the good things that a long term, monogamous relationship brings, but that is the point, we all make choices. (Not to mention these days more people are making up their own rules, polyamory may not be MY thing, but it is A thing, so some people are ethically having their cake and eating it too. There are options)
There was nothing ethical about what he did. I asked him why he even got married and made promises, vows, a legal contract — if that’s not what he wanted. Nobody forced him. I told him he had made life choices to cheat and run away–he said it wasn’t a choice, it was a decision. So it seemed all he wanted was to argue about words and definitions, more word salad, more circular conversations, and I figured that after 30 years, if he didn’t understand he had broken a sacred vow and wasn’t a bit sorry about it, only wanted to deflect the blame to “her” or the stars or his crappy parents, there was nothing more to say, so I never spoke to him ever again.
no thanks, i cannot view nor read this stuff.
i will not engage in placating/accommodating/making excuses for a man again. there’s no time. i have too much to do.
as for offering myself up in different (attractive) forms, no. it’s never good enough anyway. the game is RIGGED. i please myself and myself alone.
during the discard, my X said, “i’ve had to compromise so much to be with you” and i laughed and laughed and laughed. i’m a woman, all i’ve done is compromise.
After I divorced and retired, I once said, to a gathering of married women friends, that I would never again act as a mirror to reflect a man back to himself at twice his actual size, or placate, emotionally caretake, or be an audience to a man who believes he’s entitled to women’s attention. I swear they looked either wistful or envious.
“I would never again act as a mirror to reflect a man back to himself at twice his actual size”
I was just thinking about this yesterday. The FW required so much attention and validation. I mean, that is evident merely by the fact that he required a wife AND a long term mistress, right?
But just yesterday I was remembering how I had to constantly validate everything he did. Oh he grilled some burgers? “Oh my god..these are AMAZING!!!!” But I mean, with everything he did the adulation and praise was required.
Look, the burgers WERE good and I did very much appreciate that he grilled them. But actual over the top feedback was required for EVERYTHING with him. Well beyond appreciation And it was NOT reciprocal. Three times a year he would write a grandiose post about how amazing I was and post it to social media for the world to see. In the meantime, at home on the daily, all he did was criticize me and make me me feel at best, small and at worst unworthy.
Men are such babies. They act as thought they do so much and we do nothing. Fuckers
The male loneliness epidemic continues, and no one knows why! /s
Not all men. The good ones are the exception, of course.
To air is human?
Yes, and if “people” (meaning women) are “as happy as they choose to be,” then why can’t these poor men who forego their natural inclinations choose to be happy about it? I’ll tell you why. It’s called the double-standard. Men have the right to be unhappy, but women should keep sweet and smile.
Hot air in that clown’s case.
He could heat the entire state of NY with it.
I suspect that was an AI generated transcript flub but it makes much more sense to say “air” than “err” lol
Puke.
Brings me back to the FW saying “I felt I deserved to have a mistress because of all the sacrifices I’ve made for our family”
WTF?? I was doing all the caring for the kids (don’t get me wrong, I loved taking care of the kids, but he was zero help) and my full time job. What sacrifices exactly?!? Bringing home a bigger paycheck than me, apparently, was his sacrifice. It just makes my head explode.
That’s what is so mind-blowing. They think they’re the only one in the universe who suffers — and they call normal life “suffering.” Like this …
Ladies! Imagine a job where no matter how good you were, no matter how hard you worked, no matter what sacrifices you made, you never got a bonus, let alone recognized for your efforts.
Who the fuck does he think he’s talking to?!! This is the daily situation for chumps. Absolutely non-stop, relentless sacrificing — for no acknowledgement whatsoever.
Asssssshole! The gall and entitlement of these pricks is never ending.
My FW flat out told me his big sacrifice was that he married me. That and having a job. I was supposed to be grateful that he was gainfully employed.
Oh they feel sorry for themselves. Looking back, I view my ex’s frequent lament that he “sacrificed his 20s” because he was in training to become a physician during those years as a likely rationalization for cheating.
FW was probably thinking: Poor me! I spent my 20s in med school and residency. I got married. We had children. I golfed with an obsession that would later be transferred to fly fishing. Woe is me!!! FOR THAT HUGE SACRIFICE, I AM ENTITLED TO MORE, SO MUCH MORE.
…setting aside a doctor’s salary….he suffered so terribly!
ANY excuse will do. My FW’s go-to in 2020 was “I’m going to get Covid and die, so I did what I wanted.” It’s 2025 and the fucker is still alive.
I am so glad Chump Lady took a whack at this guy. I’ve seen some of his videos and they truly are a mindfuck and blame shifting misogyny. Nothing but viewing women as tools of male satisfaction. Barf!
Monogamy not being “natural” is WHY it’s important and you make a commitment about it in front of the people you love, you absolute ASS.
“Monogamy isn’t natural.” Neither are reading glasses or brain surgery or antibiotics, yet here we are and it’s why society has gotten this far. These people are exhausting.
Thank you! The good Lord gave us an intellect and a desire to help others, doesn’t that mean something??
Nothing in my former sham of a marriage or the living together which preceded it or the dating which preceded that or the overall agreement that it was an exclusive committed relationship was assumed.
All those decisions were made in actual discussions, using actual verbal expressed communication and expressed agreement.
When he decided unilaterally and clandestinely to break the agreements yet pretend he was keeping them, it was because of HIS lack of integrity, HIS defective character, HIS broken or missing moral compass, HIS serious issues, HIS emotional immaturity, HIS lack of healthy relationship skills, HIS credibility rating of less-than-zero.
If anyone ever figures out how to control another person’s behavior, they’ll be light years richer than the world’s current richest individual.
When you find out your partner is a liar, cheater, thief, criminal, stay at your own peril.
If you want bread, quit looking for it at the hardware store.
Ignorance of the law is no defense. Knowledge of the law and breaking it places even less of a defense and places even more responsibility on the perpetrator.
Wonderful people don’t fool around with people in committed relationships, and wonderful people in committed relationships don’t fool around. Period.
This kind of BS, along with Perel and Dan Savage’s monogamish crap was thrown at me to justify his desire to penetrate random holes AND stay married. I was in so much pain and inner turmoil at my 30 year marriage imploding with unilateral decisions made without my consent but somehow I still managed to tell him to do whatever he wanted but no way was I going to be involved. Divorce and no contact was really the only option. To me, monogamy felt like a cherished GIFT, not a burden. Apparently his vows meant nothing to him. I just don’t know how I could have been so wrong about who he was.
This entire load of horseshit reminds me of how societies where women have little power also have the lowest standards of behavior for men. Can’t control himself around 8 year old little girls? Well she tempted him, and his wife doesn’t adequately worship him anyway.
Married/partnered men do much better in their later years and generally enjoy better health and well-being throughout their married years compared to their wives. There’s still this bullshit philosophy in red pill circles that marriage is something women want and men don’t (because it only benefits women) and thus he’s doing her a big fat favor to marry her, which of course means she needs to worship him.
We all know what men who care for nothing but their dick look like as they age. Single men just don’t do as well in general with age. I’m twice divorced and I can tell you that I’m doing much better then both of my ex’s. Ex #1 is doing a little better then he was…..guess why? Yep, because he now has a live in gf (super nice woman) that helps him take care of himself and socialize a bit. Ex #2 is still alone and looks terrible. Granted he’s almost 70 so he is getting up there but even for 70 he looks terrible.
One more thing for the quack: women like sex too and we have a lot more opportunities to get it. So maybe our men shouldn’t be thanking US for not stepping out.
Considering how many incels are out there whining about how they can’t get a woman to have sex with them, the good doctor’s assumption that men are foregoing some kind of pussy buffet is hilarious.
Good point!
“One more thing for the quack: women like sex too and we have a lot more opportunities to get it. So maybe our men shouldn’t be thanking US for not stepping out.”
This is a wonderful observation!
As I said before, LOADS of crappy therapists out there. Hence my hatred for the generic advice to “seek therapy”. Read LACGAL instead!
My blood is boiling over like hot lava! This is infuriating. The entitlement and misogyny…just breathtaking. Way to eviscerate him, Tracy!
In 2022, a friend’s husband informed her that he wanted to leave the marriage. “I’ve kept my dick in my pants for 30 years,” he told her angrily, as he denied infidelity. (Of course he WAS having an affair, she discovered a few months later). When I told my husband about this, he said in an uncharacteristically cool, flat voice: “People change. Not all relationships last forever.” I did not understand his reaction because I 100% trusted him and didn’t see the ginormous red flag he was waving.
Less than a year later, my husband began the “discard” process with me, kicking things off by telling me that “we” were unhappy, our relationship needed to change, and that I had been a bad romantic partner during our 30 year marriage. When I asked him if he was having an affair, he DARVO’d, conceding only he’d had “emotional connections with people he could see a path forward with.” Fast forward to the end of 2024 when I finally pieced together that his bizarre behavior and increasingly harsh treatment of me was due to the affair he’d started in 2023.
When I confronted him with the truth, he said: “I look at the next 20 years with you and I’m not excited. I need to be excited. AP makes me happy. I deserve to be happy.”
If only I had watched Dr. Orion’s groundbreaking video and hired him to coach me during my 1.5 years of pick-me-dancing. With his brilliant advice, I could have deployed creamier enticements and stay married to a FW! Instead, I kicked the jackass out and hired a lawyer.
Why didn’t he just take Dr. Orion’s advice and choose to be happy?
Ick, “I deserve to be happy.” And they falsely believe that the possibilities are intoxicating when you let go of the spouse and family you spent decades invested in. They have no problem throwing all that out and then treating us like dirt. My ex did it as well, casting us off after he retired and going off to the beach to reinvent himself. The divorce and closeout that should have been simple was long and expensive.
I had such a hard time getting all that because I don’t have the mental capacity to think that way. I stick things out and value long-term relationships. I don’t destroy people, period.
My attorney was older and celebrated his 40th with a trip to Europe with his wife, a few months into my divorce process. She was the business manager of the firm he founded. From all that I saw, they had weathered many difficult times and were still very committed and in love with each other. And of course, with that many years in family law and being the son of a civil judge, he had seen the details of scads of failed marriages.
So I asked him one time why people commit to monogamy and then throw it all away. He laughed, saying, “Because they can, and you can’t stop it.”
There it is.
(I swear I wasn’t going to post until I saw the Walrus Clapping emote that I frequently use in TXTs. So, dick move, Tracy. Dick move. ^_^.)
Before I say anything else…Orion Taraban sounds like the name of a disenfranchised chemistry teacher turned power lifter that Spider-Man beats up in a filler issue and is never mentioned again. The kind of issue you find in the discount bin that my fellow nerds would look for to fill a gap in a collection.
What?
Before I even virtue signal my own experience as a “Guy Chump”-
I say this sober in the light of day as a male on behalf of the Y chromosome:
If you Need (capital N) to incentivize one of us not to cheat, particularly after there’s already been a commitment, etc, LEAVE. You are with the wrong one. And they are probably going to cheat anyway if they haven’t already.
It took me seeing Glass Onion to realize what a Manosphere was or that it seems to be the militant arm of the Incel movement. Which is unfortunate that it came to that-it seems like a lot of positive thinking has been corrupted by that horse hockey. Or maybe it was always there and it just has a name and people naming themselves after constellations trying to make a quick buck, I dunno. I was reminded recently of something I saw a while back that resonated-I feel like a lot of men in our culture get sort of pipelined into “Far Right”/conservative thinking until there is an interrupt to that. I am happy to have been saved from all of that.
I never cheated. There were certainly temptations. And offers. That I dutifully informed my now fuckwit of. Step Work. Moral inventories. Commitment. Knowing what I had to lose. That I loved that idiot more than those things could ever tempt me. The math is pretty simple at the end of the day. I never needed to be incentivized to remain faithful. Nobody should have to be. If you love the person you are with, like really love them, I don’t think that should ever be on the table. It never was for me. There was an ethical way to go about it, which is the way I believe I handled it.
I don’t think you’d have met Jeff if she saw things the same way.
She did tell me a couple of those times that I should have because she would have let me. I shudder to think how D-Day would have went if she had those things in her back pocket. Should have seen the red flags for what they were. They say love brings you low…but damn. Lesson learned.
I issued that idiot precisely one ultimatum our entire time together-and it was NOT about how I should be able to get strange on the side at will or will leave unless she does X Y or Z. (For the record, she got cold feet when it was time to move in together after I had already signed the lease, started buying furniture, turned on utilities, and started moving things in. Some nonsense about me getting used to living on my own. Which I was doing at the time. Really I think she just wanted the place all set up for when she got there. I shut that down and she moved in on time.)
I recently learned the phrase “situationship” in my readings as I start to date again. Basically it boils down to “conditional commitment.” Which turns my stomach, frankly. “I keep these promises until…” “I meant that at the time, but now…” I get the distinct impression that we all fell victim to that mentality-again, before it had a name.) As known fuckwit Chris Rock would say, “only as faithful as their options.”
You really don’t meet somebody until they are held over the volcano, after all.
Stay Mighty!
The “alpha” men in the comments cheering their own infantilization is pretty funny, though. Nothing screams “alpha” like a sticker chart for good behavior LOL
I really hope this asshole sees your response Tracy. What a revolting piece of shit he is!
Sadly he wouldn’t care. Narcissists don’t give a shit and actually thrill from people disagreeing with them.
OMG. This really triggered me.
Yes, women must commit to obsequious loyalty, while men get to fuck around whenever and with whomever they want and offer zero loyalty. Or if they do, then we must put these men on a pedestal and revere them with tokens of gratitude!
WTF? This “doctor” needs a one way ticket to Mars! I offer right now to pay for that ticket for him! And the Martians there need to know there are NO takebacks, they keep him!
Funny, I once told my XFW when we were talking about how one of his friends treated his wife so poorly after they’d been over for a cook out (this was before FW cheated on me) that I considered myself lucky to have such an amazing husband that treated me so well and that I felt so bad for her and I counted my lucky stars. HA! Little did I know that when I offered that “verbal reward” to him for being so good, that he would turn around a few years later and cheat on me, rape me by deception for months and then try to kill me over the phone he was hiding his despicable behavior on.
I guess my offering was not enough, my sincere heartfelt praise of him. And the three children I gave him and almost died doing it each time, was not enough either. The dozen or more times I upheld him after he lost jobs, cars, homes, etc. The time I moved halfway across the country, away from my children, to support his career. The lovely lunches I made for him while he was cheating on me, the sex I gave him also wasn’t enough…just nothing was, I guess. So what are us poor women supposed to do when we give our ALL and it still isn’t enough?
Bastards…both the “doctor” and my XFW! Fuck these guys and any man that behaves like them! Malignant Narcissists.
What’s frightening is that this gross attitude, prevalent in Saudi Arabia per my Arab American female friend, is now being spread by a crap therapist in America in 2025!
Could we send Elon Must to Mars with him? Please?
I’ll buy his ticket, too!
It is almost unbearable for me to read this, because this was the kind of messaging I learned to normalize as a teenage girl. Even though I grew up in a very conservative Catholic and cult-like environment, it was very easy to get information about the many sexual “needs” men apparently had in relation to women, including sex with underage girls. At the same time, the most maligned “thing” was women who were smart and able to earn money on their own. This was extremely disheartening for me at the time, since I was a very good student who excelled at math, computers etc.
I am so glad I was able to leave all of this behind.
I’m semi-retired now, but was one of those “tech girls” in the 1970’s – 1980’s that broke ground for those who came after this. I had a dad in scientific research who assured me that if I wanted a STEM career, I could do it. So I followed somewhat in his footsteps and loved it.
But I bought the religious teachings that men had “needs” and patriarchy was God’s way. What a train wreck that was in my marriage. Thankfully, I was one who got out though.
Sounds like Gilead
I’m happy you were able to get our.
I was fortunately raised by a Jewish father who both appreciated my math gifts and taught me that I didn’t have to accept crap. I’m forever grateful for him.
The guy is a joke, dresses up his arguments using cherry-picked behavioralist data, and earned his doctorate from a degree mill. He’s a grifter causing human pain and misery, while using those experiencing it.
As soon as I read this thread and saw “degree mill” and “California”, I knew exactly the institution you’re talking about. I’ve met quite a few quacks affiliated with that place. Thankfully they all have to stay in California because their “licenses” aren’t accepted anywhere else.
I don’t know what it is about California that tolerates this nonsense.
Please post this on his YouTube
I feel that is like shouting into the void. What I have found is some incels are neurodivergent and are suffering from some mental disorder, directly challenging someone in this space of mind is more detrimental than trying to understand first and working towards a shift in mind.
Yeah, I looked up where his degree came from too. Apparently half the shrinks in California are accredited there. Not sure what this says about the mental health profession.
Our system tolerates a lot of un-scientific nonsense, unfortunately. Chiropractic is built on nonsense yet chiropractors are still allowed to operate and call themselves doctors.
As a student, it’s a mess. Though, the APA did certify them. But so is medical care with diploma mills granting NPs degrees, allowing them to independently practice in many states with little bedside or medical experience. Heck, PMNHPs are only required 500 hours supervised for psychotherapy, and have prescriptive rights for many psych drugs.
And by cookie, I mean anal.
🤣🤣🤣
This message is IMHO also teaching the younger women (affair partners future and current?) to contort themselves into porn stars in order to get and keep a man, and encouraging them to help abuse other women in a Hunger Games sort of way. Promoting OW delusions “wifey must not be as kinky / perky / pretty/ understanding as me that’s why her man is cheating with me! I win!”
I AM the carrot.
If my continued faithful presence is insufficient reward for your continued fidelity, well, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.
Double triple quadruple upvotes
Oh another ‘professional’ who makes up words- wtf is ‘effortful’? 😆
Oh yes, Dr- let’s infantilise men and encourage them to be petulant toddlers- that’ll bring the ladies running- after all it’s worked so well for the FW we hear about on this page *snort•
How do people walk upright with no spine? He’s another modern miracle.
Thanks- I like a bit of comedy with my breakfast 😆😆
Ugh. I remember being told by my brother that I should be grateful FW wasn’t cheating. At the time, though neither of us knew it, he was, in fact, cheating.
I asked my brother why I should be grateful, as I wasn’t cheating either and had many more opportunities to do so. He had no answer for that. I guess he didn’t dare to be so sexist as to say; “But you’re a woman. You don’t need sex and variety in partners as much.” for fear that I would go nuclear on him. But no doubt that’s what he was thinking.
I’d bet a lot of these men suck in bed because they think its all about them getting off.
My ex’s family is very religious, and they truly believed that if a man strayed, it was 100% the woman’s fault. They even cited the Bible. Heck, I thought that and tied myself in knots. When I saw signs that my then-husband still idolized an old girlfriend and judged our relationship primarily by the sex, I ate up the “affair-proof your marriage” literature. Years of that!
When my ex took off and claimed it would be my fault if he cheated while living in another state, I saw how insane all that was. People in committed relationships are in all kinds of situations where they remain faithful no matter what. And if that was the assumption in the relationship all along, who is at fault if one cheats? The one who cheats, period.
“It can be effortful and difficult … ” Effortful!?
“It’s a good idea to air on the side of … ” It’s err, not air.
This guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about or even how to write. Ugh.
Oh lord, I can’t read this – I got half way down, and as an old boss used to say when shit got weird: “Boy Howdy!” My biggest problem with these narrow minded whack-a-doodles is when I first hear them I think they are bonafide comedians. I thought Rush Limbaugh was a comedian the first time I heard him, after 3 weeks I realized he wasn’t funny or joking about any of the garbage he spat out on the radio. The other one I thought was funny until I realized he wasn’t was a guy named Rolland Tomassi. He wrote a book called the rational male, and as I noted above, Boy Howdy! Well, it is a free country for now and I guess everyone has an opinion. Which reminds me of an old friend who used to say: opinions are like a__holes, everyone has one and they all stink 😂
I just find it funny when this guy says that typical married men get all sorts of “attractive” offers.
On what planet? Even if it could be argued that revenge affairs are justifiable if you’ve been chumped, the catch 22 is that this would require having sex with the kinds of creeps who’d mess around with a still-married or partnered person.
As I’ve mentioned before, I once worked in a FW-laden industry known for high numbers of exceptionally good-looking people. I’ve seen the kinds of people who “mate poach” and, even in that arena, not one of them was ever “attractive”– not if you get within smelling distance. At best, guy poachers are always a bit Gooberish up close and she-poachers are typically kind of “melted Barbie.”
That’s just the external packaging and doesn’t account for how unattractive lack of character is in most people. I suppose there are exceptions, like if someone’s under 20, character might not be etched into their gestures and demeanor yet. And I guess there’s some argument that people who are truly psychopathic can be sparklingly charming but I’ve never actually seen that to be true.
I think what this shill is arguing is that men are both sexually unprincipled and completely indiscriminate. I’d call him a misogynist except I think he’s actually more hateful to men.
There seems to be a definite divide between people that are looking for character and people looking for a quick thrill. I read today’s post and see that gulf gets wider and wider. I don’t know-I invested in my relationship. I never got “bored” per se.
I’d agree that he’s probably more hateful to men in one respect-he’s trying to sell them something.
I think he’s selling men a prescription for total misery but then that’s all that ever arises from cults, which I think is the sum of the “Red Pill/manosphere/whatever” movement.
Especially lately, I’ve been reading studies and articles about the deleterious psychological effects on followers of the “Red Pill/manosphere/whatever” thing and it seems to be an absolute disaster, especially for younger, less experienced men. Contrary to what manosphere gurus claim, apparently those who invest in the philosophy and follow the “dating protocols” like “dreading” typically end up lonelier and angrier than ever.
It’s more than just a ripoff, it’s terrifying. Add to this the generalization about men not being particularly adept at forming emotionally supportive friendships and how this may actually shorten life expectancy over time. Add to this the unprecedented suicide rate among younger men. Maybe add the scientific buzz about how pthalates and other hormone disruptors in plastic are causing an epidemic of low testosterone, low sperm count, etc., in younger generations. Add more scientific buzz that the advent of streaming porn has, aside from making young boys more accepting of “rape myths,” may be causing an epidemic of psychologically based but sometimes permanent early onset ED. Then add the fact that higher and higher numbers of women around the globe seem to be opting out of dating, marriage and children altogether like there’s some sociopolitical market crash of hopes for the future going on.
All of these things should be very worrying to anyone with male children, not just men themselves. I’ve been pretty alert to it for years and I think I’ve pretty successfully inoculated my kids against the whole Red Pill fiasco not to mention many other “crisis cults” being sold to kids (gaming world, urg). My sons love sending me stuff that lampoons Red Pill drivel and Andrew Tate is a punchline around here. Both have repeatedly called porn the “McDonald’s of sex” and I can probably relax a bit about that scourge.
But, as a mother, I worry about how my groovy, egalitarian sons will do socially out in the world when it seems like so many of their peers (including women) are being drafted into this psychosis. I worry about my daughter’s safety and social survival a lot as well but it particularly creeps me out how much the “manosphere” seems to trying to drag the world back to our primal ape ancestor/chimpanzee hierarchy. This is because one of the signature things about chimp social organization is how the minority of violent alpha males seem completely bent on killing off the younger ones, sort of “apres moi le deluge” style. For instance, when our chimp cousins raid neighboring troops, the first thing they do is kill off all the males, including male infants. They kill male infants in their own troops as well.
So I think that’s the thing that a lot of younger dudes seem to miss about “dah patriarchy”– that women aren’t the sole or even the main target of it. There are even a lot of quotes from historical figures like Einstein and Roosevelt suggesting that the main purpose of war is for old men to send their younger rivals to their deaths to get rid of them.
Anyway, I agree that, in our weird, bizarrely misdirected “sex pozzy” era, that divide is getting scarier.
I was fortunate to meet Dr. Paul Costa many years ago at a research conference. Dr. Costa with Dr. McCrae devised the “Big 5″/five factor personality theory. He was also the only person I’ve ever met that studies personality that has one himself, but I digress.
To your point-He presented his most recent research(this being 20+ years ago) and did longitudinal work-the bit I remember most distinctly, and I quote, “men ages 18-27 ranked the most highly in disagreeableness…which is probably why we send them off to war.”
I see people like this Taraban idiot and I sort of automatically lump them in with the Alex Joneses of the world-people selling a bill of goods to the disenfranchised. “If it helps then, great! They buy more rhino horn powder. If it doesn’t? I was right!” Hope is a good thing-people can and should hitch their wagon to something that gives it to them. It’s false hope, though. It’s role modeling a lot of exploitive entitled horse hockey that is probably going to alienate a lot more people than it is going to help. But no sweat off their back-they have their McMansions and their sports cars. The poor fools blindly following don’t realize that their idols don’t have any of their own skin in the game. “Corpo is not your friend.” I’d extrapolate out to our current political climate but I already have an ulcer coming on and it’s too early.
The message I wish I would have received as a young man that hopefully somebody in need will get passed along to them if they are not reading this directly-as I creep along my middle years-is that the world is changing. The old entitlements are gone(and probably should have never existed in the first place). People are focusing on different things than families and getting married. And that’s ok! You don’t need those things to be happy-so find your own happiness, whatever that is! Anybody that judges you for whatever that is probably isn’t worth listening to. Just don’t hurt anybody else doing it. And who knows, you might even find somebody else to share that journey with you-but if not-your peace is just as groovy!
Young Jeff might have turned out differently if somebody told him that and got through to his dumb ass. But I don’t get to live in the world I’m making. But then again, that sort of reasoning doesn’t sell bone protein shakes or whatever Sahelanthropus eats.
I feel like you just created an idea ball pit, lol. Diving in…
Interesting theory you heard about young men being culled by being sent off to war because they’re “disagreeable.”
Clearly it’s true that younger men statistically commit most violent crimes, have the most car accidents, etc. I guess the idea is that this spares society from mayhem by giving these disagreeable little twerps something to aim their aggression at other than their fellow citizens. That’s sort of in keeping with what evolutionary primatologist Richard Wrangham has written about the mixture of terror and “elation” that many experience in combat at the prospect of being able to kill.
This idea– that many men are thrilled by violence– doesn’t make Wrangham very popular among evolutionary Utopians who prefer the noble savage view championed by fellow primatologist De Waal and pop-scientist Steven Pinker that humans are only aggressive due to societal constructs, not primal nature (you can see the standoff between Wrangham and De Waal in the documentary The Bipolar Ape which, kind of boringly, seems to give more air time to De Waals’ arguments and gives less to Wrangham’s less cheerful but probably more realistic take).
But I think Wrangham himself knows the truth is nuanced because he frequently presents the idea that it’s really a minority of “demonic” males who are ultra-aggressive and the fault of the rest is in not resisting those influences enough. From reports during WWII that only about 40% of men would even fire their weapons in combat, obviously not all human males are “elated” by violence on top of being the the most frequent victims of it. So I suspect Wrangham would probably argue that the old alpha leaders sending young men off to war are– being bellicose alphas– no less disagreeable in their aggressive tendencies even if they’ve retired from getting their own hands dirty. And given everything he’s written on sexual competition being the main driver of war, Wrangham would also probably argue how the old hawks benefit from knocking out the younger sexual rivals while still getting the kind of “hero warrior” status that gets one laid.
Personally I think De Waals’ and Pinker’s happier and more populist theories, while they seem to be more “hopeful” in terms of humanity’s future, are, in fact, less hopeful because any positive long term social engineering would require starting with a realistic view of human nature (read philosopher John Gray’s Steven Pinker is Wrong About Violence and War in The Guardian). I even think De Waals’ and Pinker’s views are rather cultish in the dictionary definition sense that they seem to promise a future “paradise on earth.” To quote Sir Dr. Professor Karl Raimund Popper, “Those who promise us paradise on earth never produced anything but a hell.” Rousseau’s noble savage spiel, as pretty and hopeful as it sounded, triggered the Reign of Terror in France after all.
But hope itself isn’t wrong. I agree with you that humans finding ways to maintain hope aren’t always destructive. Even if I don’t necessarily subscribe to the particular belief systems people get comfort from such as religion, I still respect the faculty of spirituality and respect the positive things that can arise from faith. Some of my humanitarian heroes were spiritually driven (though they’re only heroes to me long as nothing icky and abusive about them surfaces).
But (repeating myself as I always do, oops) there are very definable differences between religions and cults. Cults, which don’t even need to be based on spiritual beliefs and can be existential, are what I have a problem with.
Journalist Chris Hedges writes a lot about the current proliferation of what he calls “crisis cults,” a term borrowed from anthropologist Weston La Barre’s work on how religious and existential cults tend to surge following culturally destabilizing events (Reign of Terror, Third Reich, Heaven’s Gate, etc.)
I’ve got a bee in my bonnet about all this stuff lately given certain current ulcer-inducing political events that shall go nameless. But I think you nailed it comparing the manosphere gurus to Jonestown– except maybe the former are worse from a certain angle because at least Jim Jones drank his own Kool-Aid. In any case, Red Pill gurus seem to be the same breed of Pied Pipers who exploit social anxiety and instability to lead people to hell like every other cult leader in history. But the fact they do this under the aegis of junk science is what makes the whole stink of totalitarianism, which is why it’s not surprising that the manosphere might act as a pipeline for violent political extremism as some argue.
Or something like that. I think I made a mess of the ball pit. There’s so much happening these days that my brain is spinning.
Your transcript alone gave me some ptsd, I wouldn’t even want to watch that video. This is just the sort of thing my ex fw would constantly tell me to manipulate me into doing more than everything i was already burdened with (namely total responsibility for child care, financial contribution, 100% home management, total sexual access ) all the while he was cheating on me with multiple women. Makes me want to throw up.
I hope to God there aren’t any women taking this quack’s advice.
The comments on that YouTube video beggar belief – so many entitled men who hate their wives and think they deserve a carrot for showing up. What’s next, do you want a cookie for not beating her?
Don’t give that quack any more ideas!
Honestly, you know he’s either already advocated for it or is thinking about it. Guys like him are abusers and don’t respect women so it’s not a far leap from one form of abuse (infidelity) to another.
The name Pete Hegseth comes to mind.
In the same vein as the ACADEMY AWARDS, I’d like to thank my mother for not leaving me in the neonatal intensive care when I was born so sick I almost died. Heck I cost thousands $$$ after that! I’d like the thank my dad for taking breast milk on the NYC subways to the hospital so I could survive when no formula would work. I’d like to thank my surgeon for not removing my spleen when she did the emergency appy. I’d like to thank my dentist for doing the root canal on the correct tooth. And so on…..
Exactly. I was such a show-up wife for my ex, squashing my needs and feelings to keep him going. I got him through ongoing medical and psychiatric crises for years and years. I even saved his life multiple times during medical emergencies (former EMT here). I also homeschooled our kids who were superstars in college and are acing young adulthood.
Then, during the divorce process, my STBX had the gall to say that I had contributed nothing to his life.
My attorney responded, “I sincerely doubt that, and I’ve been in this business for a long time. You’re not that type at all.”
Haaa!! I took Nursing care of my dying father in law and after his dad died, raised 2 step kids, saw my X through bipolar waves…+++++my now X said….. I did nothing for him! Not to mention the same list as yours Elsie. I have to know my own truth and validate myself. Good for your affirming lawyer!!!! I love that come- back.
No reasonable human being would say these things, but they aren’t reasonable human beings. They are monsters.
My attorney was just such a fantastic human being. I actually had a notebook where I wrote down things after each appointment because he had this whole collection of sayings and ways of looking at things that helped so much.
Recently, one of my adult kids had a stalker, and I quoted my attorney yet again for that situation, “Don’t try to argue with crazy. Ever!”
Need a book!! My lawyer was only 29 yet told me she was 33..HOWEVER my paralegal she 62 did counseling! Tracy says it’s too expensive but what Lori told me day after day, email after email was just like your lawyer. Yes I paid probably and extra 2 or 3 thousand crying to her and wringing my hands, but her advice and calm could not have been matched by any therapist before or after my divorce. At my paralegals age.. she had eons of experience and she saved me from jumping off cliffs. in terror of my abuser. I am so thankful for those angels like you had tol!! Like Tracy too who holds the decoder ring to these crazies!! Hope you are better Elsie!! We are here for each other.
I think we have to take the wisdom where we can get it. Really. One more unique thing about my attorney.
He’d sit across the conference table from me when I’d go to his office for meetings where we had a lot of issues to hash out. I’d admire his gorgeous suits (probably $1000+) and his incredible cherry conference table.
Still, I always felt like I was talking to an older brother, particularly when he’d say, “Well, this is unrelated to the law, but if I were your big brother…”
Sometimes, I was just crushed and overwhelmed by the whole thing, feeling shut down. And he’d brighten up and say, “You look like you need a hug. My wife and staff say I shouldn’t hug clients, but I’m a big hugger. Would you like one?”
And of course, I always said yes. They were tight “man” hugs, and he’d always say something positive about being brave or having more strength than I knew.
I mean, who gets hugged by their high-powered divorce attorney? I did.
That is a beautiful story!
Oh and if I had thanked my then- husband 3 years ago, I would have been thanking a cheater..and being a lying liar that lies, he would have said…you are welcomed.
Fuck him in his Manosphere of misogynist mansplaning.
The good doctor warns us that our entire marriage is one long pick-me dance.
Sometimes I’m awfully glad that my mother used to tell me that it was perfectly OK for a woman not to marry.
I’ve been very grateful that my mother used to tell me that a woman needed her own source of income. But she (and I, too) assumed that I would get married. Your mother went my mother one better!
OMG, this asshole practices in Napa, CA where I live! Never heard of him before, but will certainly be on the lookout and be warning folks in the community.
I too am a betrayed.male chump,, and in that capacity permitme to suggest that the poor doctor has a terminal case of cephlus in ano. I haven’t heard such a self serving crock of errant, arrogant, entitled steaming bullshit since.my serial cheating brother ” explained” to.me that he wouldn’t have felt compelled to cheat on his sweet, long-suffering wife, if she had only put more effort into.pleasing him in alluring attire, and subservience to his twisted carnal.desires, which would have not been a contentious issue if she had enjoyed basement dungeon activities. But, apparently there were enough self debasing female fuckwits ready and willing to feed his appetites.
It’s hard to admit that these people walk amongst us and that there are academics and professional mental.health practitioners willing to spew such crap.
“my serial cheating brother ” explained” to.me that he wouldn’t have felt compelled to cheat on his sweet, long-suffering wife, if she had only put more effort into.pleasing him in alluring attire, and subservience to his twisted carnal.desires, which would have not been a contentious issue if she had enjoyed basement dungeon activities. ”
I really do NOT like talking about this, but I’ll take one for the team.
Later in our marriage, the FW started getting into some kinkier stuff. I was not into it, but didn’t let on and went along with it for the sake of our marriage. That wasn’t enough. He still cheated. So when I see the trope that the wife wasn’t fulfilling the FWs needs and he had to cheat, they can miss me with that BS because it’s categorically not true.
I see a lot of chumps here saying that the FW stopped having sex with them (prob bc they were too tired from their APs) or that their sex life was great.
And ultimately, if your spouse was actually frigid, you can leave.
Interesting take on Red Pill creeps like Taraban here. https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2024/06/26/a-psychologist-breaks-down-the-reality-of-dating-a-red-pill-man/
Thanks for the link! On a related note, with respect to how women’s IQs contrast to men’s, from what I’ve read, women’s IQs cluster more in the middle of the range. But men’s are more at the extremes. So, there are more men at the bottom and the top of the range.
Please note that I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist. This is just what I’ve read on the topic.
SERIOUSLY? What garbage!
I’d like to hear his wife’s take on this. Assuming he has one.
Even by manosphere standards, this was particularly damaging to my brain cells.
Ewww. What a cynical, reductionist view of love and relationships.
It’s all carrots, sticks, n’dicks to this idiot.
The ‘reward’ for being loyal is knowing that you are in a reciprocal space of mutual respect.
That your relationship is truly intimate because you are each trusting of and trustworthy for the other. The fidelity itself IS the reward. It represents a rich life, well lived, in real time.
This greasy two bit peddler is selling his shabby Tupperware to men as well as women.
By promoting a transactional approach to relationships, he’s seeking to rob men of allowing themselves to be seen fully, in a connection between two equals.
Instead, if they follow his world view, they’ll wind up with transactional types as a mirror to themselves.
And who does that remind us of?
All the AP’s we chumps learnt of – shallow, fawning, and self-interested..sounds ‘fun’…
How foolish, as a man, would you need to be to follow this moron’s advice?
I think it represents deep seated fears of true intimacy.
Pass me the ledger.
#6: You shall not commit adultery.
#8: You shall not bear false witness.
#9: You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.
That’s 3 of the 10 Big Ones.
I don’t get men that spout this shit. If men can’t be trusted to be loyal, if men are naturally violent, why should anyone date them? Why bother? They don’t do themselves any favors.
I don’t believe any of it, of course. I’m happily engaged to a cis man, and I’m more than content with him. I trust him around others, even when I’m not there. He’s sweet and considerate, and we support each other as a unit. Men are people, and can be loyal or disloyal, cruel or kind. But dudes that spout this shit aren’t doing any favors. If I have to worry about my partner not being loyal… well, I’m not exclusively attracted towards men, so I still have options. But that aside, I’d rather just be single. Beats having to deal with the bipedal equivalent of the sludge at the bottom of a dirty grease fryer.
A lot of straight women are choosing to be single over being in a relationship these days, or so I’ve heard, and when this is the attitude? Can’t say that I blame them. There’s no bitch cookies here.