I don’t mean to, but some little sea-hunts are completely wrecking my life right now and I don’t know how to react and brush it off.
Caught my sack of shit ex about a decade ago now, he was in his late forties and he was sleeping with an intern at his work plus a girl from his gym, never saw their faces but knew they were 19 and 22. Stupid me tried to make it work but knew it was a dead end when he went on a week-long holiday “by himself”, didn’t tell me where he went, didn’t call me once, came home with such an excited energy, with shaved pubes (he was a Chewbacca of a man so it looked like he was getting ready for surgery) and excused the week AWOL as him needing a mental break but he knew I’d want to know so he wrote a journal…. a weeks worth all in half a page in a empty notebook. LOL whatever I had amazing bullshit detection by then so that was that.
ANYWAY, fast forward to now, my problem at hand. When I left him I moved into a gorgeous small town, I love this town, I healed me, I have been here for about six years and just before Christmas last year I started to notice a group of young women always laughing behind my back. At first I thought they were just being dicks, you know, that whole “Eww, you’re old” deal they get off on, but when their cackles weren’t doing much a couple of them approached me in the grocery store and straight out said “It’s no surprise [sack of shit] cheated on you, you’re so ugly” and laughed at each other and walked away, probably back to their little stone in hell.
So this taunting has been pretty relentless, but what can I do? I do not recognise any of the girls involved, the bullying is pretty extreme, I can only assume one of them was his affair partner or a friend/family member of a AP — otherwise how would they know? Sack of shit no longer lives in this hemisphere, so it’s not like it’s him stirring things up. It just sucks so bad, this place was my fresh start and I have been so good, I haven’t thought about the infidelity in so long and now these sea-hunts are just triggering me daily.
Would you say anything? If not any tips on how to navigate this one?? I’m at a lost and finding myself hiding in my house more and more.
UGH! I just did not want to deal with this anymore.
Hope you can offer advice.
What the everliving fuck? Relentless? Who DOES this?
I suggest you do what countless others have done to expose fuckwits: Use your cellphone.
The next time one of these freaks gets in your face, start the video rolling. Then you post that shit to social media and ask if anyone knows these women, and then alert local law enforcement and start harassment charges.
In short, protect yourself and widen the circle. If this former Schmoopie or gaggle of 8th graders or whatever they are is intent on provoking you — give them a very large audience. And potential criminal charges.
While I’m sure CN can come up with a bunch of snappy rejoinders, I would not try and match wits with a bunch of dumbasses. First off, I’m sure the Mean Girls thrill to the drama. Second, she (they?) sound unhinged. You left your ex a DECADE ago. Why the cat fight now? We’re not dealing with mentally healthy people here.
It may just be childish name calling, but who knows? Will they escalate it?
There are strategies to de-escalate harassment (aka micro aggressions). Here’s a piece I wrote for AARP on 5 self-defense moves. This one stands out for your situation:
Believe that you absolutely can defend yourself. Women can and do prevent attempted assaults. Just ask self-defense instructor Lauren Taylor of Defend Yourself in Washington, D.C., who’s been teaching for 33 years. Giving yourself permission to fight back is “life-changing” Taylor said. “We explore options and give people other ways to look at situations.”
The vast majority of violations are not physical, noted Taylor. They start with “micro-aggressions” — like harassment, criticism, staring and stalking. But abusers can be derailed. “Tell them what you want them to do. Name the behavior. ‘I need you to stop talking to me like that.’ Or, ‘Stand back.’ ”
If you encounter these nuts again, you could try both of those direct commands. “STAND BACK!” and “I need you to stop talking to me like that.”
Taylor told me that there is some brain science on brief directives. They go straight to some processing center of your brain and get immediate attention.
Also, educate yourself on self-defense. That organization has an excellent list of resources (some U.S.-centric but also international). Watch videos. Read up on these derailing strategies.
But most of all, believe that you do NOT have to take it. That you CAN defend yourself. And you don’t have to hide. Who is this bitch who wants to piss all over YOUR town?
Freaks often have the advantage of surprise. No one goes shopping and expects to be assaulted. But now you can make a plan and take back your power.
Could you run errands with a friend? Have you told people what happened? Don’t be isolated with this. The more eyes and ears watching out for you, the better.
J, just because some fuckwit wants to drag you back into infidelity-trigger land, doesn’t mean you have to go. Hold your head high and don’t let these pathetic losers rattle you. You’re healed. They are not. You won.