Tell Me How You’re Mighty!

It’s time once again for another mightiness check!

To any newbies, every few months or so, I check in with Chump Nation for tales of overcoming infidelity adversity. In those early days of post-discovery, showering and eating a tuna sandwich (solid food!) is an accomplishment. That counts. Don’t be shy. Meh may feel light years away, but every day you’re pushing through the shit storm and rebuilding your life is mighty. You’ll overcome one brave little act at time, and pretty soon (it’s a Tuesday) the pain stops. Promise.

I love the Mighty posts. You guys inspire me, and you inspire each other. Usually, I breeze over me, but I thought I’d share some of my own mightiness of late — this blog is coming up on FIVE YEARS (April 19!)

I think Chump Nation has moved the needle a bit on the infidelity conversation. We’re getting uppity and out of the chump closet. Word is spreading.

Every day chumps write to me and tell me how the site has helped them. Thanks for that, guys. Lately, a strange new thing is happening to me — I meet people in real life who were helped by the blog, or know someone personally who was helped by it. And that’s really weird, because I still think blogging is like sending messages in a bottle that you throw into a big anonymous Internet sea.

I had to interview a divorce attorney for my other journalist job, and after we left, she send me a message to say I had helped her best friend through her divorce with the blog! (She mentioned meeting me on Facebook). Okay, one cosmic coincidence…

… Here’s another. As some of you know, my book got picked up by a Hollywood agent to be shopped as a scripted TV series. Super flattering, but the odds are VERY LONG. I got word yesterday that there’s renewed interest, and part of what renewed the interest was that an executive producer had a friend who was helped by my book and Chump Nation. YOU guys did this. Think about that — every day you share your story, however mortifying, sordid, or mordantly hilarious — you’re helping someone. You’re moving that needle. You’re shooting the Reconciliation Industrial Complex in the kneecaps and telling them the relationship will be stronger for it.

Who knows what’s next? But you there, puking your guts out after discovering that hidden burner phone, you there doing the paternity testing on your kids, you there trying to reconcile and ignoring your screaming gut — I was YOU ten years ago. I was alone, unemployed, living in a new state, and utterly FUCKED.

Here’s me 10 years later — happily remarried, employed, living in a place I love, and some Hollywood agent knows my story.

I believe in miracles. I believe in your miracles. Tell me about them.

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UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago

This is the important part: “…every day you share your story, however mortifying, sordid, or mordantly hilarious — you’re helping someone.”

I said in a post late last year that as much as marital vows are a promise you make to somebody else, they’re also a promise to make to yourself: a promise to hold yourself to the highest standards of honesty and integrity. And we as chumps hold ourselves to that promise — we don’t know how to live any other way.

Being brave enough to tell your story — coming out of the shadows of shame and embarrassment and laying bare your soul — inevitably helps others, but I think is even more powerful as a tool for bringing out and fostering your own mightiness.

R
R
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I have been lurking. I found this site a few days ago and have been ravenously reading every damn piece of icky.

I found myself sinking and thought, damn it, I need to read some Chump Lady.

Saved my life.

Isis
Isis
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Now that I am a year out of my toxic relationship, I am stunned that I felt embarrassed because SHE screwed ME over. Why was I ashamed that she lied, cheated, and compromised my ability to take care of myself and my daughters once she moved out to play house with Schmoopie?? The most important part of my recovery has been placing responsibility where it actually belongs.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UX, you have modeled to us more than once the power of telling your story and throwing off the shackles of shame and embarrassment that rightfully belong on the cheaters. From publicly telling your story with the affair partner du jour in the audience, to staying grey rock for an unbelievable marathon of mindfuckery, you know the power of words. I’m tipping my hat to you and all of CN for this past year. For all we’ve been through, for all we’ve survived, for all we’ve shared.

Take a bow, all of you. You deserve it.

CeliA
CeliA
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

A few months post DDay I didn’t have the energy to comment so I just lurked in the site. I come here everyday to read, to be inspired and I’ve gained back my energy from implementing the lessons I learn here as well as staying NC. I comment more often now as I gradually gained back my energy and things are easier to talk about now that I have disengaged emotionally from STBX. The comments I read here continues to empower me offline as well and my friends find that I am becoming more vocal about my convictions.

The more we feed on this site the more we become mighty – it’s truly an empowering cycle. 😀

Georgie
Georgie
7 years ago
Reply to  CeliA

CL and CN are so empowering and supportive. Only 3 weeks from D day for me and still going through hell. Without this site and the book I would be going crazy. You are mighty CL! I will be mighty too. Some Tuesday.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Trust that we are Mighty! This is the corollary to Trust that they suck.

Twitching
Twitching
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

You deserve all the success in the world. I’m cheering for you.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

You don’t sound braggy at all! You sound proud of yourself as you should be. We at CN are proud of you too! Gosh, I sure hope it’s turned into a TV show. I’d watch! So many of my friends now about you as I talk about this blog quite often. I even have a picture of Sad Sausage as my background picture on my computer at work. 🙂 Good luck to you and thank you for all you’ve done for us.

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

You know your worth CL! We love you!

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Not bragging. Knowing your worth. We love you CL!

Regina
Regina
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Chump Lady; I am commenting because your story and the way you told it above is totally inspiring! You took charge of your life and have inspired countless others to do the same. Thank you for taking us on your journey, the only voice of sanity on this most painful of experiences. Your outspoken get to the point style and humor is your gift. If you are a little bit impressed with yourself, you should be!

Chumpfree
Chumpfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

So grateful for Chump Lady. I was looking to understand and so much out there says to just eat a shit sandwich. I felt like I was the failure because our marriage failed. Nope. He lied. He cheated. He betrayed. He is the failure. Until you live it, you have no idea the mind games these worthless narcs play. Chump Nation helped me to understand his crazy and embrace no contact. I still hear what I should do “for the kids sake” (aka eat more shit sandwiches.) but have an understanding of no longer fixing, covering or settling for his shortcomings. The shared experiences of CN have helped me to find my might. I am not to the land of meh but hope to one day. I continue to now think of what I want and what is good for my kids. sending love to all my fellow chumps. I believe in love. I believe in marriage. I just hope I do a better job of picking in the future. Be mighty and live the ultimate revenge- a happy life.

DancesWithMeh
DancesWithMeh
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Tracy, who can we contact, who is considering the TV Series? We need to bombard them with examples of how much we’ve all been helped and with how important it is that this series be made.

Heck, just point them to this testimonial today, and it should make the point!

DancesWithMeh
DancesWithMeh
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Firstly, CL, you just demonstrated why we are Chumps by apologizing for bragging about your accomplishments. This is what sets us apart from the Narcs in our lives… we’re not horn-tooters!

Just getting out of your marriages relatively intact was mighty. Starting this board was mighty. Sticking around (because it’s no mystery that administering a blog of this magnitude is a huge, time consuming undertaking) because you want to make sure we have a voice, is mighty!

Please don’t apologize. Trust that you are mighty and deserve massive kudos and much gratitude from us all for these undertakings!

Some days I come here and read for hours and I wonder how you manage to do it and do it so well, but you do. And it goes on.

I am nearly 4 years out from D-day, and I am 2 years out from leaving the cheater behind forever for greener pastures. I’ve moved countries, I’ve bought a house. Im in a new relationship with a wonderful man (whose nearly adult kids by another mother I love, by the way!)

But I recognize things in my everyday life that I know are still impacted in my head by my propensity towards being a little chumpy, a little too nice and forgiving, to people who maybe sometimes don’t deserve that.

CN and your continued stories serve as reminders of how to trust my gut. Everyone’s stories, and throwing my 2 cents in to try and help them, reminds me of my own mightiness and maybe helps another chump become a little mightier and a little less desperately sad a little sooner. So I come back. And come back again. Because we all need this place and we have all benefitted immensely from its existence.

I know you have had a few live meet ups, and you have cultivated some friends and contributors. I hope that if you ever feel the task becoming too massive, you will call on some of these people to help make sure CN continues. It needs to continue.

I hope karma DOES make the TV series happen. I could hear the theme from Sex and the City playing in my head when I was reading your news about that. (My ex used to hate SATC, I think because it often portrayed women in a position of power who really didn’t need men in their lives… he was afraid I might try to emulate that… although the undercurrent of Carrie cheating with a married man now leaves a sick taste). But it was about 4 friends supporting each other through hardship, and I could see a series based on CN as having a similar style (and being such a blockbuster that a few movies come out of it too).

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you have done and continue to do! You know you are appreciated, but at the same time you are appreciated more than you know!

wideawake
wideawake
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

The mighty actions… that I’m might proud of… are about sharing the book. I bought 4 copies of ChumpLady’s original book & kept 1 for me & donated the others to my local library where they sit very well-used, & slim & elegant in the Marriage & Family section.
Later, I bought 10 more copies of Tracy’s newer book version & gave 2 copies to my very nearest & dearest who went through this same horrible nightmare years ago.
They loved (!) the book & the cartoons too & said they would pass it along.
I gave 1 copy to my well-meaning but ultimately useless “Master Certified Gottman marital therapist” .
I gave 3 more copies to a different local library (where they look popular on those shelves too), & I’m holding the last copies for whomever might be in need in the future… starting with my children. ????

wideawake
wideawake
7 years ago
Reply to  wideawake

(mighty proud – not might proud)

NewLife
NewLife
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you, Chump Lady! To echo what everyone else says, I’m not sure I would have made it through my divorce without you …and reading today’s post gave me a much needed lifting of spirits. I tell everyone about you …just told a random stranger at a coffee shop the other day whom I unintentionally eavesdropped on 🙂

I have been struggling lately because my EH has a new beautiful girlfriend (not the AP) with a young daughter my daughter’s age. I also recently discovered he’s pretending to be a widower (i.e., that I’m dead) and fully employed (of which he is neither). He lost his job last August and has stopped paying me back the money he is required to reimburse (I spent $200K – almost my entire life savings – to pay off his student debt a mere four months before he left me for another woman).

…but here’s my mighty – I went from being a stay-at-home mom to getting the most fulfilling job I’ve ever had in a field that I had only dreamed of being in (I went from being essentially a glorified administrative assistant to a leadership role as a technology manager) and I bought a condo in my favorite area of town (two minute walk from Trader Joe’s …can’t get better than that). I got through my divorce in one piece, have my daughter 70% of the time, and have discovered that despite being diagnosed with some unknown autoimmune disease (the rheumatologist could never make a firm diagnosis, but I was put on some pretty nasty meds to try to control symptoms), it was actually all stress-related (after seven years of almost continual symptoms, I haven’t had any since the stressor – my EH – was removed).

I still struggle and doubt myself and deal with sadness and anger …but my life is so much better. Newbies, hang in there! …and Chump Lady and others like Tempest, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  NewLife

NewLife, Wow. Who does that? Says there are a widower and full employed when they are not?!

Great job on your NEW LIFE, NewLife! 🙂

Stephanie
Stephanie
7 years ago
Reply to  NewLife

Well, let’s see how long until the beautiful new one figures out he’s a complete fraud.

Can you imagine dating some guy who says he’s a widower, and then you find out he’s NOT? That’s freaking creepy. You’d have to be seriously messed up yourself to stay with that. Let alone with some dude who lies that he’s fully employed but he’s not, and he let someone pay his loans then bailed? Ummm…. He’s definitely the opposite of a keeper.

Ew.

You? YOU are mighty!

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  Stephanie

It won’t be long before the new girlfriend finds out you’re not dead, When she meets your daughter,,,Have a copy of Tracy’s book on hand for the poor soul, she’s the next victim. You rock!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

CL, when I found your blog you were (and are) doing what I wanted to do but was unable to do. You rock woman! Now we got to get that TV series going, how would that work? Tell us what the nation needs to do and we’ll be there!

Arnold
Arnold
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Will there be mud wrestling?

Stephanie
Stephanie
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Tracy, you had me at sparkling turds and turds in ounch bowls, back in 2012. I am eternally grateful for the support from Chump Nation. Part of that is having shoulders to cry on, and another is being that shoulder. If it weren’t for you I might be wrestling with self doubt, wondering when and how I should forgive The Coward and his Twat. Instead I am confident that I don’t have to–in alignment with my instincts. And I have moved onward and upward and I know that they suck and that I don’t. I am mighty, as I should be. Thank you for bragging. It gives people a lot of much- needed hope.

Stephanie
Stephanie
7 years ago
Reply to  Stephanie

*punch bowl

Just bobbing around, ruining everything with his unwanted presence.

Bahahahah! I still think that is the funniest metaphor!

MT
MT
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I’m so happy for YOU CL, and grateful for CN and the world you created for us to grieve, mourn, share and learn!!!! You are THEE MIGHTIEST!!!!

MT

lovedandlost
lovedandlost
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

It’s reassuring to hear your modesty and know that it indicates a good person. Chumps are generally good, modest, honest people who were targets for narcissists because of their faith in the trustworthiness of the Human character. Ironically it is chumps who are truly worthy of trust and YOU are certainly worthy of praise and esteem for your accomplishments for yourself and for others. You have given back and we of chumpnation are SO thankful! If it weren’t for you I would probably still think I was crazy, inept, old and useless. Come to find out’ ‘It’s not me, it’s him’. I don’t have a lot of things since I left but I do have self-respect. And that makes me mighty!

Arnold
Arnold
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Yep, first brush with a cheating wife, D-Day 23 years ago, I had no support. I had no idea that I was not alone in this. I did not know how to react and thought I had caused the cheating, although I had no idea how.
Second time around with it, 11 and a half years ago, I started reading. CL was not around yet, but there was support in some places, albeit reconciliation was promoted. At least those site respected the decision to divorce and made it clear that this was all on the cheater.
I was banned from SI and MB, due to my harshness and continuing to promote divorce as the best option. But, I did get support for divorcing myself and I did learn to an extent about personality disorders and my lack of responsibility for the cheating etc.
I cannot remember which site I found CL. I think it was TAM.
I loved it when she started taking on some of the celebrity cheaters on that site, folks who claimed remorse, yet stood by their justifications.
I wonder, CL, are you ever contacted by some of the authors you ridicule so adroitly? Have you any idea what folks like Esther, Dan Savage, Tammy(?) and those airhead Huff Po authors think of how you skewer them? Are they even aware of being held up to well deserved ridicule?

Nain
Nain
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

If you’ve done it, it’s not bragging. Your work is a refreshing truth!

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Tracy, I hope you get a TV series or a movie. I wonder about the chump stories here. So many are hilarious at the same time as they are heartbreaking. I think this makes great comedy, black humour. I often think some scripwriters should come here and read, they would get great material. We can laugh at it ourselves, after all the tears, so I imagine the general public would enjoy them too. Comedy is a great way to reach a wider audience.

MightyAgain
MightyAgain
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

You are allowed to Brag all you want! You started a movement – Chump Nation. And you are correct, before you, there was not one website to help us move on AWAY from the cheater, AWAY from the abuse. It was how we should do this or that, to KEEP the cheater. So thank you so much!

wrecked but alive.
wrecked but alive.
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Tracy, Thank you for being you and bringing us all together. Your sight and chump nation has seen me through many dark days and nights. In fact many times logging in to read your posts have saved the day.
I have cried, laughed out load, learned so much and have been empowered by you and chump nation.
I value real, true and honest and I have found that here.

Ewa
Ewa
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you!
☺☺☺

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

You were bragging about us as much as yourself. And as my therapist told me just last night…you have come a long way – go celebrate you!

Flowerlady
Flowerlady
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thanks, Tracy! This blog saved my life. My marriage blew up almost 4 years ago. For six months after D-day, all I could find on the internet were IRC sites. I didn’t bother with them much because they were so out of touch with the reality I was facing. Finally I found Chumplady and I heard voices that were making sense and were describing the same things I was experiencing. Salvation!! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!

I am mighty because I am finally not consumed by thoughts of the whole thing – something I thought would never happen. It has taken me three and a half years to get through this and I finally feel like myself again. I went grey rock/no contact six months ago and that helped tremendously!! (I wouldn’t have known to do that without this blog).

To the newbies out there – you are mighty! Keep putting one foot in front of the other as best you can! You will get through this and someday it will be a thing in your past – a thing for which you will be grateful. Grateful because you will never allow someone to treat you badly again and you will know how mighty you are!

Georgie
Georgie
7 years ago
Reply to  Flowerlady

Thank you flowerlady. As a newbie your message is uplifting.

Flowerlady
Flowerlady
7 years ago
Reply to  Flowerlady

RIC not IRC. Reconciliation Industrial Complex. Sorry

Marked711
Marked711
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I will humbly say thank you for saving my life. I wanted to end it to stop the pain. You, this blog, and CN kept my finger off the trigger.

Marked711
Marked711
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you, so am I. I had one co-worker who took the pills. They found him in his car in a corn field two days later. His ex was terrible. Another friend took the pills but drove herself to the ER in time. They saved her. I’m sure you have saved MANY more than just me. You will be sainted some day. Thank you. Life is great now. I owe it all to you.

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

Holding my hand up with you Marked

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

So glad you found CL, Marked.

conniered
conniered
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

CL, I LOVE that your book has been so successful and that a Hollywood agent knows you are here. It validates all your care, concern and TRUTH you put out there that, in turn, CN carries out here and in our real lives. You have given me the support and direction I needed when I was paralyzed with the reality of DDay and what was to come. I was moved to action because of your blog and what your wrote. Thank you!!! It’s not bragging, it’s truth-telling. Just like you always do!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

OK.This is the mightiness post so it’s the one time we chumps sit up a tell how we are changing our lives and the world. As we say in sports, “it ain’t bragging if it’s true.”

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Ditto on all the love and warmth for Tracy. There have many days that I have only found peace through reading about others’ pain and mightiness, and sharing my own story with CN.

I found the site 8 months after Dday in 2014, and the shared knowledge, experience and advice is what helped me take douchebag and his lawyer to the cleaners when that time finally came, so THANK YOU to each of you who contribute. I turned it around and started paying it forward by sharing all the legal info I had learned through my divorce, I encouraged those who were down, and gave the (((hugs!))) that can only happen within parentheses on CL’s site.

Although I’ve always remained a volunteer with my high school-aged child’s marching band and athletics, I also finally have become involved with a very special targeted group that holds a special place in my heart: teen mothers.

See, that fucktard and I were teen parents at 18 & 19. We didn’t marry until 23 & 24, as I wanted to finish college first. The d-bag always had a hard time acknowledging that while he was in a different state prior to marriage (likely cheating the whole time), I WAS A SINGLE MOM. He would always say, “Oh, please! Your parents were there! You were not a single parent.”

Fuck him. Yes I was, and did went to college, worked, and kicked-ass as a young mom for my son, and I did it for 4.5 years before marrying the douche’s dumbass.

Today I work in technical education, and the only thing that has allowed me to break free from betrayal, and thrive monetarily since my earlier days as a teen mom is education. Now I’m doing presentations to teen parent groups telling MY teen mom story, and then sharing about the benefits of a technical education for them while in high school, or after graduation. I tell them, “Look – don’t think, ‘Oh, well, I’ll just marry the dad and all my worries are solved.’ Sorry – what happens if that doesn’t work out?” The last group of teens I spoke to had 10 in the class. All 10 applied to my school for classes like medical assistant, legal office assistant, drafting, and nursing.

If I can help these teen moms feel empowered through education, and to be able to take care of their babies long-term, and also have a career after our babies grow and leave (my teen-mom baby is now 24 with his own son!), then I’ll be happy.

History hero Corrie ten Boom was engaged to be married. Her fiancé left her for her best friend prior to the wedding. She was in pain with a broken heart, and she asked her father what she should do to ease the pain. He told her, “Do you know what hurts so very much? It’s love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill the love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or, Corrie, we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel.”

I’m letting my love “travel” to these teen moms today who need encouragement and love. They allow me to see myself at 18, scared and under-educated, and put my arm around them with love. I let my love travel to my grandson’s pee-wee soccer team as the coach. I volunteer for any and everything my last child is involved in with one year of high school left. I help my parents and siblings. I help my neighbors. My love has not changed through my pain.

What HAS changed are my limits for mediocrity in relationships, unauthentic narcissists, and wasting any more of my life.

Xoxo, Tracy. You’re the best. And love to all those in CN.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago

Kibblefree !!! Wow! Such a great and mighty post! Thank you for sharing and thank you for the idea of what to do with all this love I have. It never occurred to me that I can pour it out in a non-relationship way. (((HUGS)))

MightyAgain
MightyAgain
7 years ago

You are a beautiful person!

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  MightyAgain

Kibble I love corrie, I’ve read the hiding place many times!!

Moose
Moose
7 years ago

This is a beautiful post and you are a beautiful soul.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago

++++

Thank you for this post.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

You first, LAJ, as our resident CN sage! The amount of mighty you have shown, in no small part by your wise posts and support of other people, is awe-inspiring.

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest and LAJ, I love to hear advice from both of you guys!! You just have no idea, really how much I have appreciated your words.

chumpionsahm
chumpionsahm
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Not braggy from here. Generous to the community, and rightly proud of this amazing resource and its influence. I seriously would have been lost without this place and all of you. If I come out of this solvent and more or less emotionally intact, it will only be because of CL and CN, no exaggeration.

KrazyFool16
KrazyFool16
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Reading your book last summer after Dday finally set in was an essential first step in my healing process!!!! I can’t thank you enough for your unfortunate expertise in this matter… And with a hilarious sense of humor to boot! It even made me laugh when I thought that wasn’t possible back then! Still love the daily blogs as the healing process continues today. Thank you, Chump Lady! This is awesome news!

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  KrazyFool16

Yes, your book and blog – essential to survival and, ultimately, healing. Most people want to put the entire debacle of infidelity quickly behind them.

You were willing to share and explore your experience, recognize a huge need for support, and provide your wisdom and sage advice. You created a place where no one need suffer alone. Instead, we lean on the collective wisdom and support of others in our chump family. Tracy, you are truly courageous and inspiring! You are mighty.

Thank you!

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  KrazyFool16

It is a healing process short time or long term relationship its gonna take awhile. During my dark whats the point setback i try to power on let it flow through me and hope it wont last long. And i get by with help from my friends. Its not easy starting over over 69, very scary at times, still dont sleep well but i can see meh. The best revenge is living well and i intend to.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

Me, too! At 65! We’re not done yet.

MyRedSandals
MyRedSandals
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Me too… I’m turning 62 this month. Just sorry I wasted 40 of the best years of my life on Mr. Asshat. But thank goodness I found this amazing community of chumps who get it.

Tessie
Tessie
7 years ago
Reply to  MyRedSandals

We older folks in our sixties are MIGHTY.

Blown Away
Blown Away
7 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Me too…Dday at 68…now three years out and CL and this wonderful place keeps me focused as I continue to my road trip to Meh Land.

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Another proud member! And living well to boot.

champchump
champchump
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

61 and just starting! Grandma Moses is my role model.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

Sorry over 60.

strong woman
strong woman
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you cl for being there for all of us! I believe you are being rewarded for being so good to others. Keep being mighty.

WarmSocks
WarmSocks
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I have a brother who just tells it like it is. He isn’t one of those jerks that is awful to people and hides behind “I’m just being honest”, he just speaks concise truth, often.

Anyway, one of my favorite things he has said?, “It ain’t braggin if it’s true!”

Blindside
Blindside
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

All I can say CL is thank you!! Thank you for being that light to walk towards when we’re all stuck in the dark wilderness, thank you for dousing us with ice water so that we can see the reality of it all, and thank you for pointing us to the finish line – Tuesday!

And a thank you to all of you CN (new and old) for posting your stories, commenting on mine, and helping us all through what is without a doubt the most miserable time of our lives.

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Chump Lady, I’ve often been scared shitless that one day you will just say you don’t want to live in the misery of narcissists or infidelity anymore and just be 100% in the happy life and stop the blog.Please don’t….
No pressure, but you are a life jacket to us. There were days where without chump nation I would of just stayed in bed and cried…..indefinitely.
Now I’m strong, I read here everyday to stay that way and I post here sometimes to help others be strong. There’s tremendous comfort in not being alone in this.
I posted on the forums and now have a little posse of chumps that live in my town that meet for lunch….text, we are becoming good friends and help each other stay strong.
You did that.
I look forward to reading all the stories of strength today but without yours, none of us would be here.
So thank you.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Yep! Tracy and CN got me through the first full week without my kids (I work at a school, so I’m off school when my kids are off.) I was so depressed and I missed my kids so much. So I wrote a letter to Chump Lady and I binge read the blog all week. Thank you, everyone, for helping me get through the longest week of my life.

NoMoreEvil
NoMoreEvil
7 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Exactly! This blog helped me get stronger in the early days and months and I still come here almost everyday to maintain the mightiness I have learned here from everyone. Thanks CL & CN!!!!

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Same feeling Paintwidow. What will we do without CL and CN?

This blog saved my sanity, my affairs and my life.

It helped me imensely today in my hearing. My STBXH, who usually struts around like a pompous ass, was taken aback with my reasoning and my two pitbull lawyers (hired because of CL’s advice. I had hired a “nice” lawyer because I was afraid of making cheater angry). I even got a bitch cookie: “I did your income tax for you for 18 years!” And then: “Of course you can trust me!” Reply: O yeah, I can trust you bacause (OW’s name) is just a cybernetic will-o’-the-wisp and I’m on LSD”. Even the mediator sniggered and his lawyer looked down at her knees.

I felt mighty. And I kept thinking of my sustainable farm.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

A portrait of mightiness, ClearWaters! I’ll bet his lawyer just about pissed herself trying not to laugh out loud.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

And let me say that no one can run the UBT, wield the 2×4 when necessary, and use humor and ridicule to puncture the narcissist ego like Tracy.

brandib
brandib
7 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Well said…

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Sending love & gratitude for hosting the most healing site on the internet, creating this fabulous community (the generosity that takes place behind the scenes is amazing), craftingg a soft landing for newly-minted chumps, AND starting the Chump Revolution. All ten fingers crossed for adoption of the TV program, which could move the needle one step further on mph range.

Viva la Revolution.

DesertGuy
DesertGuy
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I concur! Viva Tempest… And…this blog is really like an iceberg. for the ten percent that are posting…there are another 90 percent that are lurking reading and being encouraged and figuring it out. I lurked for a few years. Thanks Tracy…and CN!

Chumpalongtime
Chumpalongtime
7 years ago
Reply to  DesertGuy

Me too. 90 % Lurker here…and this site saved my sanity. I got ducks in row before filing and not only got mad but got “…everything”. Definitly First Wife Clubbed him.

Despite supporting son, getting house financed in my name only, promotion, bonus and so much more ( because I had more energy since I got rid of the 230 pound hemorrhoid) , the mightiest thing I’ve done is meet up with a fellow chump. It was an amazing experience being able share and uplift each other. And also being able to have a safe place to be vulnerable- because chumps get it.

Thank you Tracy.

You’re kicking ass and saving lives!

Thank you CN ( coincidently my initials) .

You provide guidance, support and your changing the infidelity narrative! So are we going to get jackets?

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Absolutely! I love Tempest and her comments. 🙂

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Indeed! And our go-to expert on the human mind….One thing that makes Tempest MIGHTY is her commitment to this community, this Chump Nation.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

+1!

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

To infinity and beyond!

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

+1000

WhoamInow
WhoamInow
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

+10000000000

ChumpedToTheMax
ChumpedToTheMax
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

When I was going through my first time trying to leave my cheating, abusive X in 1999, all I had was the reconciliation internet groups too. Needless to say, I let him back in.

Thank God there are other voices like yours out there now where we see some light of truth. No one really understands the fog or emotional and mental abuse unless they have been through it themselves. Your blog has kept me going for the past 3 years. I have been divorced two now, but still am haunted by insecurity and not being able to trust. It’s good to be able to share with people who understand.

Thank you and good look with the TV series. I will be watching!

Martha
Martha
7 years ago

I agree about the emotional and psychological abuse. I was told by two counselors and a psychiatrist that my ex sounded like a narc. When Tracy answered my letter, she told me to read up more on NPD. I have! It’s about the only thing I’ve read in the last year, plus I’ve watched tons of YouTube videos.

No one understands this kind of abuse unless they had it done to them. I came to Chump Nation not even really knowing what gaslighting was — plus other stuff too. CN is a safe place to share your story and be validated.

ChumpedToTheMax
ChumpedToTheMax
7 years ago

good luck is what I meant….

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

In today’s climate of instant internet gratification, activity = relevance and relevance = searchability. People who need this can’t find it if we don’t keep it relevant, and that includes keeping it out front in folks’ minds.

What feels like it might be bragging is actually positive marketing, and the truth is that those who need your message benefit from it. Actual bragging sources from a fishing expedition for compliments and/or overstating one’s actual influence. You are sharing truth and providing information – altogether different energy.

I am sure many don’t realize the amount of time and energy you spend keeping this site available AND socially relevant. We support you and are ever grateful.

PuraVida
PuraVida
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

+1

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Tracy, your Chump Nation loves you! I am looking forward to the day I can “brag” talking about my achievements post infidelity. No matter how we brag we are still chumps- people with empathy, respect and responsibility.

What can I say? Post DDay Jan 2015 I fell prey to RIC as many here. I engaged into the email diarrhea with my cheater and sent him tons of links, books, articles in a desperate attempt to get him to see the pain he caused. The unfair blame he put on me for everything. I was still operating under the assumption he was a normal human being and not cheater robot with artificial intelligence (today’s buzz word but it describes them well).

I then fell to his sad sausage faulty saga about the absolute must of his affair and how he is a renewed a better person with priorities shifted and how he is ready to work on us after 12 years of cheating. And we spent beautiful 2 months adenture travelling last summer and I was determined to save my family because mine was a different story, right? All the while my gut screamed. As soon as I was back in the cheater’s pocket his entitlement speeches renewed with greater vigor.

Then he screwed up. One eensy winsy tiny screw up which sent me back into my gut. And this is when I found you. The right google words this time and not the plea for saving the relationship that lands us on RIC websites.

Today? I got a nice promotion at work which is great. I travel for work and meet new people. Sometimes I literally force myself to go for an evening function over the weekend but I do it even when I am in a shitty mood.

The cheater is expected in Canada tomorrow. Will stay with his mom. I have put down a list of things to discuss before I file. We have an international custody case and I want this to be amicable. I don’t want anything from him – just fuck off from my life. I have been NC except for child related discussion for 2 months. This achievement is in 3 months after I found you! See I did not waste my time

Thank you Tracy! Tlthank you all at CN!

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

Longtime, did we share the same Cheater? Are Longtime and Clearwaters the same? (I too sent a diarrhea of Links, articles). I Hope to be as mighty as you, Longtime.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

Longtime, so glad you are on the path to the truth and the light (No Contact! as AllOutofKibble says). Best of luck to you. Don’t beat yourself up about trying to save your marriage. You lived, you learned. You’re mighty!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you Tracy! This site and CN are life savers and saying so isn’t braggy, it’s just the plain old truth!

thensome
thensome
7 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

Thank you Tracy! This blog has been the most helpful thing in my recovery. Everyone here has helped me so much. I’ll always be grateful.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  thensome

Congratulations Tracy! I recall when I first found this site and read about shit sandwiches and unicorns. However, it was knowing there was a Tuesday and Meh that helped me move forward while listening to the greats namely, Tempest and the other newbies back in 2014 when my world imploded with a simple sentence. I found comfort in every word and dropped hopium for real hope and healing.

Once the Northeastern Mighty Chump meetups began I found my true tribe while putting faces to the mightiness. These are amazing people who not only survived but thrived. Not only was I not alone, I was supported. I could see the changes and having others who inspired me kept me moving forward.

My mightiness was found on a Tuesday, with many false starts. It was elusive at first. Your blog helped me through each and every struggle on a daily basis. Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart Tracy and Tempest for the revolution.

My mightiness check in leaves me keeping everything I cherished over a lifetime, my home, adult children, and granddaughter. My children have grown in many ways, starting a new business, and two of them graduating from college. I am comforted knowing I will at least have a small pension somewhere down the road.

Interestingly, I no longer think of partnering up with anyone unless it happens naturally. My life is full and busy. One of the things that has bothered me over the past few years what the fact that I’d never slept with anyone but the Limited. I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else. Well, I crossed that bridge finally and never knew what I was missing. I had settled in so many ways.

Tracy, you are humble. However, gaining a life is no small feat. You deserve bragging rights every single day as you type a new topic that opens our eyes and supports those of us in need. You save lives after all!!!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Ha, DoingMe–YOU are one of the greats who helped me with my healing and accruing-of-wisdom about healing after infidelity and emotional abuse. So many fabulous people from our 2014 cohort, who served as the voice of sanity in the midst of the morass (and a shoutout to the megastars of the NE Chump group).

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Thank you Tempest. I never knew the definition of reciprocal until I came here.

It will be a cast of characters for sure if Hollywood gets hold of the likes of Hannibal and The Limited. They may need us to review the cast of characters to portray them with JUSTICE.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

I want the show to include Tempest, DoingMe, UXWorld, Dubious, NMSB, Kar Marie, SCAL (for the Christmas special!), LAJ, and so many more! So many interesting “characters” here! Then throw in SylviaIsSad for a plot twist! Each episode will skewer and reveal the lack of humanity of yet another cheater …

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Then we just need to convince Hannibal and The Limited to play themselves as stunt doubles (I’m envisioning pyrotechnics.)

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you Tracy 🙂

Km
Km
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

You really help some of us who are still sorting things out! Thanks!!

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I think of anyone you have earned the right to be ‘braggy’. Everyone who comes here knows how much this site means, how much clarity you find, how much empathy and how much process is here- as in ‘ I know you are on the floor freaked out of your mind with panic, nothing solid nothing making sense but listen to me – I’m going to show you a way forward. It’s when you fully understand the concept of a ‘lifeline’.

I vote that we make today a celebration of how much this site means to us and how much difference it has made in our lives.

Thanks Tracy. It really is impossible to put into words how grateful I am that you continue to put yourself out there to help people like me an ocean away in a world of pain and who suddenly find their sanity and their laughter again. ❤❤

Isis
Isis
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

This is the only place I found that didn’t tell me to be “nice” and “not hold a grudge” and remind me that the break-up was “at least half my fault.” I’ve been “nice” my whole life. I didn’t deserve what my partner did to me and I didn’t cause it and I had a RIGHT to be angry. I don’t know what I would have done without this site.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Isis

^ ^ ^ ^ This! That’s me too. I too have been “nice” all my life. No perfect, but peoples first impression of me would be that I was nice most of the time. I’m tired of being nice. I will be kind, but I’m working on my boundaries. I don’t quite understand boundaries yet, but I’m going to be working with my counselor again and that is something I will work on with her. I’m thankful for this blog that I could let it all out, share and try to help others. I can honestly say that I don’t think I’d be where I’m at today if it was for CL and CN! Thanks! 🙂

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

I support Capricorn’s vote.

I have “met” so many smart, witty, funny, brave, fair and honest people through Tracy and the nation she leads that somedays I almost thank my lucky stars that my life has changed so much. I receive so much wisdom at Chump Nation and it has given me the inspiration and guts to not only eat my tuna sandwich (I was 64 on Dday), but to keep my job as a scientist and teacher plus undertake a small farm to start an agroforestry project. Today I will find out if I will be free of cheater and on the road to Meh and my farm (plans all ready).

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Rock on, ClearWaters. Way to be mighty!

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

ps. Can I be in the movie?? ?

donna
donna
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

Haha, Capricorn. I was just thinking the intro to the show could be, GoodBye Earl, by the Dixie Chicks and wondering if it would be a drama or a comedy.

saw
saw
7 years ago
Reply to  donna

I shot the sheriff by Eric Clapton!

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

Hahaha! I can fill in the latino quota!

UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

Next week’s Fun Friday assignment — what actors and actresses play the roles in your cheater saga? Who plays the cheater? Who plays the AP? Who plays the Switzerland friend? Who plays the incompetent lawyer you hire first, and who plays the hero attorney who saves the day? This one would be a lot of fun.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I love this idea!! Please, CL, can we do it?!

champchump
champchump
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I already did this exercise a couple of years ago. Peter Dinklage plays my husband. He is 6’3″ in real life, but there’s a vague facial resemblance. John Goodman as Linda Tripp on SNL plays the OW. That one was a no brainer, they could be twins. (Google that if you don’t remember, for a real visual treat.) And Julianna Margulies at her Alicia Florrick kick-ass best would play me.

Dollface
Dollface
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I think Brad Pitt is highly qualified to play the narcissist cheater spouse

ChumpionoftheWorld
ChumpionoftheWorld
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UXworld,

Wow, great assignment, my brain is in overdrive. As casting agent my first and easiest step is to cast my ex wife’s affair partner and present live in boyfriend as that “I love cranking tunes in my truck” motherf*cking Trivago ad dude. Coincidentally, Chumplady called this type out specifically here:
https://www.chumplady.com/2016/09/wtf-trivago-guy/

Just try me
Just try me
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Love ya, CL! You have been an invisible presence every time i go to court. Your advice is phenomenal and thank you for sharing your story and what you have learned from it.

Ugh no...
Ugh no...
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

It’s such a valuable resource for people . Doesn’t matter if you just got brained by the cheater 2×4 last week or you’ve been divorced for twenty years. The honest feedback and practical keep breathing advice helps everyone.
Viva Chump Lady.

ChocLemonGelato
ChocLemonGelato
7 years ago
Reply to  Ugh no...

My, oh, my Tracy. No! I agree with all who’ve replied here. You’re a voice of reason. It’s quite remarkable to me how much you’ve been able to help me find the words for how I was feeling almost three years ago, when my three babies and I were brazenly left for an OW. I couldn’t find words, my mind or an appetite for many many months after D day. But then I found you.

For a person like me, who keeps my cards pretty close to my chest when out in the big wide world, this forum allows me NOT to feel alone (among my coupled-up friends and family), NOT to feel like Pumpkin-eater’s decision to walk was actually MY fault and NOT to feel like I’m a failure of a person as a result.

I still struggle with trust though. Though I’d love a great guy potential partner to land in my lap, I don’t anticipate anything of the sort and I’m certainly not looking. My excuse, is that I don’t have the time. The reality is also, that I’m still wounded by Pumpkin-eater’s ability to undermine me about almost any decision I would make. Still in recovery, almost three years on. My babies are now 7, 5 & 3. I’ll keep reading here for eternity!

Dan
Dan
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you Tracy for having this website. You help people like me everyday. This community gives me the strength and wisdom whenever I need it most, and for that I’m very thankful!

UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Don’t apologize for being braggy, Tracy. If anyone’s earned that right, it’s you. My humble opinion.

champchump
champchump
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Like he said, do not apologize! This blog SAVED. MY. SANITY.

I will be forever grateful.

champchump
champchump
7 years ago
Reply to  champchump

I would like to add, this is the only blog I’ve read regularly where the participants are uniformly helpful, supportive and, well, NICE. Chumps are the best. I’m proud to be one.

saw
saw
7 years ago
Reply to  champchump

Never apologize for helping us find our way towards the light at the end of the tunnel. CL and CN has helped me pick myself up daily. On bad days, people reached out to me and on good days I hope I was able to encourage another. Thank you!

WhoamInow
WhoamInow
7 years ago
Reply to  saw

Yes – this!!!!! Thank you for your words Chump Lady and for giving a place for all of Chump Nation to voice their words as well – and thank you to CN. I would be lost without you all.

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you! ❤❤

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago

I can tell people “I’m divorcing. My STBX cheated on me.” without batting an eye. I no longer tear up or feel shame. It has taken me a long time and several false starts to get here. Next month is the 4 year crapiversary of DDay #1. I knew it was in the spring, but I had to look up the date in a journal. ?

MyRedSandals
MyRedSandals
7 years ago

Louisville… I’m with you. “He left me for his married coworker and then divorced me” rolls right off my tongue now with ease. I no longer carry any shame or embarrassment about being unceremoniously tossed out like yesterday’s garbage after spending 40 years with him.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

Ha Ha, Louisvilleflower–I almost gave someone a heart attack the other day with my delivery about my divorce.

I used to go to a fish store regularly for water to change my fish tanks, and hadn’t been for a year as I adjusted to post-divorce-life and single parenthood (and fewer fish tanks*). One of the employees looked happy to see me and said, “How have you been?” In as light-hearted a way as I could muster, I made some quip about life blowing up in a Jerry Springer kind of way, followed with “turns out my husband had been leading a double life for 8 years.” The poor guy visibly caught his breath, so that I had to apologize for startling him. Guess I’ll have to work on muting my delivery.

*footnote-Hannibal Lecher cheated because I had too many rescued betta fish. He did establish a new reverse law of causation with this claim because his affair took place 5 years prior to my getting any fish at all. Too bad David Hume didn’t have any info. on the reversed order of causation when he wrote “A Treatise of Human Nature.”

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Oh how I wish I were smart like you Tempest. Love you!

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Everyone here knows how shy I am, so I quietly say, “I caught him cheating and threw his ass out!” (blush)

Sagefemme
Sagefemme
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

The metaphysical consequences of your Betta fish owndership are blowing my mind.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
7 years ago

To people I don’t know…”I’m in the process of getting divorced.”

To people I know but am not close to…”I’m getting divorced. My husband decided to leave after 20 years of marriage when I was six months pregnant.”

To people I know and who know him…”I’m getting divorced. My husband decided to leave after 20 years of marriage when I was six months pregnant. He is now living with the 24 year old who worked for him and he started seeing while I was pregnant.”

To close friends and family…they get varying degrees of the details. Depends on how much I trust them and how much I need them.

I have no interest in hiding what he is anymore. If the kids ask, I give them the truth, too.

Just try me
Just try me
7 years ago

You are brave, Louisvilleflower. I used to whisper “we’re in counseling” . I no longer cover up for him. Also took me a while to realize if someone we jointly know happens to catch wind that he is a lying, cheating sack of crap…oh, well. I don’t go around flinging mud all day long, but if it comes up….I don’t cover up like I did for 20 years.

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Just try me

I just put it right out there. To people who know us both, and to new people I am becoming acquainted with. A mutual college friend messaged me that she was sorry about our split. I told her “I’m not, he cheated.” I tell new people so they get me: I don’t tolerate cheating from anyone, and, I hate my ex with good reason. It feels good to no longer cover for an asshole, doesn’t it?!

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
7 years ago

Lousvillflower, I do the same now too! I talk about it right and left with people we know both and with new ones. When a “why” comes up I say “because I don’t like his multiple girlfriends” – I borrowed this line from someone here and I love assessing people on the reaction I get. Some would be totally “WTF!! Did we hear this right?! You do the right thing and fuck him!” Versus others who would express an artificial embarassment and suggest that maybe there was not a strong bond there already, and the marriage turning into long-distance for the past few years did not help and people just don’t cheat out of the blue, and there might be other reasons….these people are now screened out and compartmentalized into a box named Switzerland containing “meaningless acquaintances.” I deal with them on as needed basis with the same artificial smile and emotional detachment. I keep my warmth and openness for those that understand and support me and I am blessed because I have them. All this strength is thanks to this sanity- and respect-saving blog. I am totally ready facing the narchole for the next 2-3 weeks starting tomorrow while he will be contaminating air in the same country.

Chumpfree
Chumpfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

“These people are screened out”
Yes! Yes! Yes!

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

You go girl!

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

I hid “my” shame at his cheating for almost a year of wreckonciliation until I read on CL that he fired me as his PR the moment he cheated.
I think that’s how I am most mighty at the moment. I say he cheated and exploited me, straight out, and that I don’t accept any blame for it. He used to say the only thing that stops bullies is being exposed but he was the bully and now I expose him.

Lady B
Lady B
7 years ago

20 emails from wing nut tonight.
I hate u,
You are the most controlling person I have ever meet.
Im blocking your number, laughable as I did it ages ago.
Im going to the bank to try and get something out of the house.
Blah blah
Crickets im mighty tonight because I can see the horse shit this is and him raging is him fishing for my attention.
You wanted single life you got it, no money for crockery go to fucking good will like I did for the last 20 years.
Like my friend said ‘he’s no match for you’
Silence is truly golden and maddening for a wingnut.

CleotheFormerChump
CleotheFormerChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

That is mighty!

heissobroken
heissobroken
7 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

It’s our calm and the cheaters crazy. They truly are wingnuts! Lol! No contact is the first golden rule for being a chump.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

And a child! 🙂

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
7 years ago

This week I went to the county criminal courthouse to meet with the D.A. about the impending criminal suit the state is bringing against my EX. I’ve been to the civil courthouse many times due to the EX’s wide-range of disturbed behaviors and predilection for filing against me, not showing up, representing himself, etc. But, this was my first time at the criminal courthouse.

I was stopped three times and asked questions, including by the security guard who tried to route me through the attorney’s door rather than the public entrance. The guard told me that I “looked like a lawyer.”

I have gone from being a quivering mess at my first visit to a court 6 years ago, to someone so confident that others think I might be able to help them or answer their questions! I am still frequently frustrated by a judicial system that grants endless extensions and benefits to my EX, and I still get upset that he uses the courts to harass me rather than just leaving me alone, but I can also see how I’ve grown. I am competent with a lot of things I never had to manage before–from legal matters to minor plumbing repairs.

I would still prefer to be a talented amateur in a field like oil painting or kayaking rather than domestic law or drain maintenance, but even super heroes don’t usually get to pick which super power they want to have.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
7 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

Eilonwy, you are so right; we don’t get to pick our superpowers, but yours is fantastic!
🙂

MehGloriousMeh
MehGloriousMeh
7 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

Me, too, Eilonwy! I walk in the courthouse just as tight and professional as I can muster. Even the police officers stand a little taller when I walk by, and I know they’re checking me out. LOL! It feels AWESOME! Not to be desired, necessarily (although that’s nice, too!) but to sense everyone thinking, “This chick has got her shit together; she must be a VIP.” 😀 At the last custody hearing, after exAhole stormed out, the conciliator leaned close, shook my hand, gazed into my eyes with this really sad expression, and whispered, “I’m so sorry.” I left the courthouse and got into my car and literally burst out laughing because his fuckupedness is so apparent to EVERYONE.

I AM MIGHTY!!!

except when I’m not, because sometimes I do still get sideswiped by old ways of thinking

….but then I remember all I’ve learned, and

I’M FUCKING MIGHTY AGAIN!!!

Thanks in FULL to CL and CN. <3

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
7 years ago
Reply to  MehGloriousMeh

You rock!! I love your story.

While I sat in the lobby for our pretrial (opposite side of the room from STBX), his lawyer walked by me and I looked at him directly in the eye. I had met him prior to everything falling apart so he knows me. He was the first to look away. And I thought…yeah, you might have to represent him but you know he is an asshole.

Just try me
Just try me
7 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

Oh, my gosh, Eilonwy, we could be twins. I dress up every court appearance…and there have been A LOT! I, , too, have been directed to the lawyer entrance at the court house. I sit, listen, and learn while awaiting our care to he called up. I bought a house in July and went back to school for my Master’s a month after the divorce was final. He is pissed I am not weeping in a corner. Keep being your light self and get out those sunglasses…our future is shining bright!!

Lady B
Lady B
7 years ago
Reply to  Just try me

You rock.
I sign my emails to him
‘Your in love and living in the light’
He hates this!

Lady B
Lady B
7 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

‘Yours’

Carol
Carol
7 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

You are amazing!

Just try me
Just try me
7 years ago

Nov of this year will mark 4 years since I told him I was going to file. It was pure hell (not gonna lie) going through discovery and the court trial for divorce…but…..BUT….I am so FINALLY at meh!!!!! Finalized for 1 1/2 yrs and I have never felt more free. Now going through Co-parenting ilks as the narchole (stole that from this site and love it!) simply cannot be an adult and stop treating his son like crap, he’s fine with the girls, singles out my son. That is the hardest part. I am fine not dating but leave the kids alone, dammit! I owe a LOT of money to my lawyer…but WORTH EVERY PENNY. Without legal council, I would have been screwed. And, I am finally not afraid of my ex anymore. I have a lingering fear of whether he would be violent with my son since things are ramping up out of nowhere…but going to bring it to court. Narcholes have you scared of what they might do and try to control you with that. But, I have to get my ducks in a row and confront him via the court system. My mom didn’t stand up for me and my brother when we were kids…I won’t repeat that cycle. We ARE mighty, CN! Fight for your kids, fight for yourselves! You can do this!!!

Merry Meh-hem
Merry Meh-hem
7 years ago
Reply to  Just try me

Stay Mighty, Just Try Me! I’m proud of you for standing up for your kids! They are worth everything, despite who you bred with to get them.

Isawthelight
Isawthelight
7 years ago
Reply to  Just try me

“Narcholes have you scared of what they might do and try to control you with that.”
So true.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Isawthelight

Yeah, I was so scared of my narc. Not that I thought he’d hurt me physically, but I was afraid of his power as a man, his intellect, his money, his powers of manipulation, his charm and him coming off as the “nice guy” to everyone.

My confidante constantly told me, “It’s just money. You have to pay the lawyers in order to work for you. Don’t worry about the money. Your money is just as good as his. Now is the time to fight, Martha! This is you last chance!” I sat myself down at the table and went through that f-ing legal document page by page. I wrote down notes on things I didn’t understand and notes about things I wasn’t in agreement. Our lawyer is there to help us, but we have to be might ourselves too! I look back and I still can’t believe I was able to go through those law documents. It’s like another language!!

Findingpeace
Findingpeace
7 years ago
Reply to  Isawthelight

Yes yes yes! My narchole (love that!) bullies and threatens and wants to control so bad. He’s like The Fly. A little human head on a bug squeaking out his demands. He tries to scare me. He came at me in the courthouse while our lawyers were talking. I told him to get the f!!! Away from me. I’m not scared of him. He is pathetic.

He threatened to come take my car. He threatens to have me and our daughter kicked out of our house he left a year ago… the list goes on and on. In the meantime people notice that I am independent and take care of the house and fight for my daughter’s education. Narchole tells our honor roll daughter it’s ok to get Cs. No – a beautiful kid that people notice is bright and smart…. no. It’s not ok. But he’s Disneyland dad with all the toys.

I hate Disneyland.

Lady B
Lady B
7 years ago
Reply to  Findingpeace

Mine was like that low standards all round. One of our kids is extremely bright and athletically gifted. According to him the education system is a failure and is bullshit that creates drones, yeah whateva, never read to our kids unless I asked him to, was never at school functions but then never proposed any alternative education or pass wisdom to them, no because one of his things he was really good at was blame, blame me, blame the system that failed him apparently, he left school at the age of 15. Total hypocrite full of crap.
He said I was lucky I wasn’t with the kind of guy who sat round and drank beer and hit me now and then, thats the bench mark basically, low lifes.
Doors are already opening for me and Im meeting intelligent thoughtful, successful people who I aspire to be like and want to help me.
Had a great weekend at the festival with kids and friends and great to leave phone at home so he could listen to the crickets chirping in the tumbleweed !

catdance62
catdance62
7 years ago

I am mighty because after living through years of emotional abuse from husband #2, cheating, and discarding (sort of, he wanted to stay married but live in different countries, still controlling assets in the US), I divorced his sorry ass and took 1/2 the assets (the better, more liquid half) . THen i had the unfortunate experience of marrying a narcissistic sociopath not long after, but when he started his shit, i took it for about…oh…..roughly 5 months of typical narcissist behaviour and i was DONE with that! Experience with #2 made me see how it was going to be with #3 immediately! I kicked his sorry gold-digging ass out and already feel 100% better and its only been about 3 weeks! Thanks to Chump Nation, I learned NEVER to take bad behaviour EVER again!!

Lady B
Lady B
7 years ago

Oh and he going to go for more custody of the kids so he can pay less child support!
Thanks for the heads up but you will not be having anymore than I see fit, if that involves dragging up police records to show your a wing nut so be it.

heissobroken
heissobroken
7 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

You are at war – mine did the same and lost! It’s never enough until you say it is. Fight this with everything you have (police records are great to be used against him). You are MIGHTY and the wing nut needs to be destroyed!

Sionara
Sionara
7 years ago

CL, I am thrilled to hear about the possible TV series! I hope they do it justice, but mostly I just hope they do it. I need to get the word out to all my librarian friends in town to order your book for their branches of the public library (unless they already have it, a distinct possibility). You have an idea of how much this blog has helped folks, but you really have no idea. People of every stripe. I was divorced in November, am grey rock with the disordered ex, found a killer job, and started “dating” (coffee dates with strangers met online….terrifying, but they have all been very sweet so far)—yet I still come to this site almost daily to check in and get a bracing dose of reality, tempered with wit and kindness.

Isawthelight
Isawthelight
7 years ago
Reply to  Sionara

“…a bracing dose of reality, tempered with wit and kindness.”
Sionara, this is perfectly stated and would make a great tag line for CL’s TV series.

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
7 years ago

I got divorced today. I also lost my job a week ago and have to get out of the family home and move with my 3 nearly adult kids to a unit. I hear that these are some of the most traumatic events to go through…but its happening to us and we are doing it. I look at this blog most days cos it totally illustrates what i am going through and validates all the experiences we are dealing with. Apparently ‘dad’ does not want to reveal where he lives cos he thinks “mum will come round and kill me ” oh….. wtf. I am over the drama and all about me mentality . Go and shag your AP and leave us alone.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  Whodoesthat

That’s a mountain of heartache and loss, there, Whodoesthat. Your mightiness shows in your determination to endure. But let me say that the universe has given you a true clean slate to reinvent your life. Think of this time as your transition from something that couldn’t work because you were with a lying, selfish cheater to a life that is real and true. Because if you can live through this, you can do whatever it takes to have the life a home and job and life that is right for you.

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
7 years ago
Reply to  Whodoesthat

Hang in there! Get used to hearing things about yourself that simply are not true! I’ve heard everything from I’m a stalker (funny since he’s the one that I had to call the police on because he wouldn’t stop breaking into the house when I wasn’t home), to I whore myself out (openly dating and not hiding what I’m doing does not make me a whore). This is one of my favorite quotes and has saved my sanity in many situations “when a manipulator can no longer control you, they will try to control how other see you”

It’s a long journey but you will come out the other side better off for losing a cheater!

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Yep! I’ve heard that quote too. I kept my exes secrets for almost 25 years. No one knew of anything that happened in our marriage. Not even my family. After D-day, I started talking. First to my family, then work friends and then his family. The narc didn’t like getting exposed. So he started the smear campaign at work with his ho-workers, bosses and Tim Whore-ton’s Coffee Snatch. He told them all lies about me. How I was his “crazy” wife. Funny how I wasn’t crazy our entire marriage, but now all-of-a-sudden I was crazy. Narcs suck!

Kathleen
Kathleen
7 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Truly wonderful quote Got-a-brain..
“When a manipulator can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you”

The slandering & blaming the loyal spouse is just what sociopaths do.
Hope I get to “meh” soon.

Sionara
Sionara
7 years ago
Reply to  Whodoesthat

My ex said the same thing about being afraid I was going to kill him. I’m not a shrink, but could be they are projecting how shitty they feel about themselves.

Sagefemme
Sagefemme
7 years ago
Reply to  Sionara

It’s totally projection. Mine started putting his hands on my neck during sex at the end. Creeps me out to imagine what was going on in his mind.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Sagefemme

OMG!!! The last time I had sex with my ex, that’s what he did to me. He put his has hands around my throat “near the end.” That was the first and only time he did that! It was so creepy! I had no idea what was coming –that he was going to present me with a Divorce Letter.

Summer Girl
Summer Girl
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Oh wow my ex did exactly the same, and the black look on his face was really scary, God knows what he was thinking but it wasn’t good!

LisaLisa
LisaLisa
7 years ago
Reply to  Sionara

Wow. Mine said that, too. He said he was afraid that I would stab him in his sleep. This was a couple of years ago, before DDay. I wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’s the violent one, so I thought he might be projecting his actual thoughts, not just low self esteem. Freaked me out a bit.

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
7 years ago
Reply to  LisaLisa

The killing bit i did report to my lawyer because of what i read on this site it screamed projection . But it also framed him as a spineless coward …hes 100kg and 2m tall so im hardly going to be able to overpower him.!? The more i read here its as if they all went to the same narc night classes. Mine was an avid movie buff and watched all the sci fi and tv dramas about clans and killing . I think he picked up all of his lines from there to create his own mini series at home !.

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  Whodoesthat

Mine weighed twice as much as I did, now 2 and half times as much, and he could break my neck with one hand. It’s projection, 100%. They are making a disguised death threat and try to sound like victims. He said I was going to harm him while I cut his hair (with an electric trimmer, not a bloody razor!, this isn’t The Colour Purple, although I called him Mister in my head by then…), later he said I was trying to poison him.
Made me check what was in my tea…

DancesWithMeh
DancesWithMeh
7 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

I’ve told the story before, but mine tried to kick me out of our master bedroom. He’s 6′ and about 260lbs. I’m 5’6″ and 150lbs.

When I tried to get in the room, he tried to block the door. I tried to duck under his right arm to get in. He screamed “You hit me! I’m calling the police!”

The police came out, interviewed us both, and offered me a restraining order against him. They even pulled me aside and reminded me that not all abuse is physical, emotional abuse is very real, and that I could cancel the restraining order at any time, but it might be a very good idea to put it in force until I could figure out what the deal was with him.

I’m glad the police were wise enough to see his little game, and it was even amusing at the time how upset he was that his little plan to get me out of the house on the premise of “abuse” backfired on him. I am only sorry I didn’t go through with the restraining order. I could have had him out of the house and had some peace!

Lesson learned. But I’m living a good life now. Last I heard all his whores dumped him and he’s having sinus surgery. Karma is a bitch.

Findingpeace
Findingpeace
7 years ago
Reply to  DancesWithMeh

They are so ignorant they don’t see how their self-serving behavior backfires on them and exposes them for the selfish, cruel, twisted people they are.

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  Sionara

Mine said the same thing and a lawyer and a counsellor told me it’s what he feels like doing to me, to get rid of all the firearms and report it to the cops. So I did. And I warned him that I had reported it and if anything happened to me, he would be investigated and so would the whore. I told him I had them all on the radar and I’d better die very very old.

Merry Meh-hem
Merry Meh-hem
7 years ago

I believe in Fate,; here’s something eerie: 5 years ago was when I knew for sure my ex was up to something (not good) and his birthday is April 29.
I’m so thankful that you keep this blog alive. It literally saved me and many others. Whenever I need a reality check from his mind games, I read the posts on here and think: wow, they really are all the same unoriginal Sad Sausage in lousy casing.
My Mightiness: I left his crazy, cheating behind while still undergoing cancer treatment. I finished the treatment and survived with God, friends, family and support from this site. I navigated bankruptcy, filing for divorce, a nervous breakdown, getting back to work after 16 months off and fought my way back from chemo brain, after effects of radiation therapy, and shell shock from a Jackass.
Am I Mighty? Hell to the YES!
Aren’t we all??!!!!

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Merry Meh-hem

Mighty! 🙂

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Merry Meh-hem

Inspiration.

Tessie
Tessie
7 years ago
Reply to  Merry Meh-hem

Oh yeah, you wrote the book on MIGHTY!

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
7 years ago
Reply to  Merry Meh-hem

WOW! You got every craptastic thing thrown at you at once. And yet, you persisted! You are an inspiration!

DancesWithMeh
DancesWithMeh
7 years ago

I’m currently in the middle of a breast cancer scare. I don’t generally do too well with medical things.

But I thought to myself the other day, “Hey, Dances: You made it through 20 years with a narc, the bottom dropping out, divorcing, moving countries, and starting all over. You have a house, a new love, good friends and family, and are financially sound. YOU did all that. You had friends and CN support, but you DID it. What’s a little cancer? Bring it on. I will survive!”

I guess I’m saying it works both ways. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger!

Stay mighty!

Merry Meh-hem
Merry Meh-hem
7 years ago
Reply to  DancesWithMeh

Amen to that! It’s amazing what we can live through. (((Hugs))) to you, DanceswithMeh. I pray you don’t have to walk the Cancer Mile, but know that those of us who have survived will be here for you.

heissobroken
heissobroken
7 years ago
Reply to  Merry Meh-hem

I believe in @Merry Meh-hem!!! Is there a stronger word to use then MIGHTY? Not only are you mighty but you give mighty a whole new definition ❤

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  heissobroken

She is mega-mighty! Uber-mighty. Way to go Merry Meh-hem. Your strength encourages me!

Lady B
Lady B
7 years ago
Reply to  Merry Meh-hem

You take the crown!

donna
donna
7 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

Mighty Merry Meh! I like the sound of that Merry!

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
7 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

We have a winner…

Merry Meh-hem
Merry Meh-hem
7 years ago

***His birthday is April 19, same day as this blog. My apologies; it was a typo.

Blown Away
Blown Away
7 years ago
Reply to  Merry Meh-hem

A standing ovation Merry…

violet
violet
7 years ago

I am mighty because I can be over the moon happy that my daughter is engaged. Even two years ago, I would have tried to discourage her from getting married, because I was convinced that there was no such thing as a “good marriage”. After reading all the wonderful stories here about new beginnings, I now understand that there are good and decent people out there, and I can be genuinely happy my daughter has found a life partner. It definitely helps that her fiancee is a great guy, not at all like my X and so respectful of my daughter’s needs. Now, I’m still not ready to enter the dating pool, and probably never will be, but I also do not think every marriage is doomed to failure. Because of CL and CN, I can truly celebrate this occasion! That is great progress for me.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  violet

Congratulations, Violet, on your daughters engagement. 🙂 I totally get not wanting your kids to get married, but we have to believe there are good people out there. Not everyone cheats. I never cheated and I’m sure everyone at CN didn’t cheat, so it’s possible to have a cheater-free marriage.

Tilbeth
Tilbeth
7 years ago

This site was my lifeline…when I felt all alone in the world, I found validation here that I stood w an entire community. All too often our stories were the same, as well as the pain and the struggle. Yet there is a power of strength that resonates so strongly here that it eventually propels you to healing and eventually the light of meh.
I continue to spread the word of how powerful a tool this site is to those I come across in need. Going “Gray Rock” or in my case “No Contact” freed my brain from the daily torture I was putting it through. Until I discovered this site 2 ago I was stuck in despair. Now, I wake up happy after a good nights sleep (something I once thought unachievable!), I embrace each day and treasure those I love more than ever. But the most important gain, I rediscovered myself and the strength to never let the power of another suffocate me.

Hugs to all in CN ?

Beetle
Beetle
6 years ago
Reply to  Tilbeth

Grey rock is the way to go. That saved me too.

Current Chump
Current Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Tilbeth

OMG THIS!
This site was my lifeline…when I felt all alone in the world, I found validation here that I stood w an entire community. All too often our stories were the same, as well as the pain and the struggle. Yet there is a power of strength that resonates so strongly here that it eventually propels you to healing and eventually the light of meh..

I don’t remember exactly how I got here but I know it saved my life. I CAN’T SAY THANK YOU TO TRACEY & CN ENOUGH! Everything started to make sense once I got here, the fog lifted, I made a plan to get my crap together & go. CN gave great advice. In this whole process I found me again-my voice and self-respect. I learned that the cheating, hookers, and porn were HIS shame to carry & NOT MINE. You guys helped me at a time when I felt so hopeless…..no job, a baby, & no where to go. I found a good job & became the assistant manager. I learned how to deal with a disordered narcisstic fuckwit & not give a shit what he says & does…..and I’m SO much happier. Now I can spot these losers from a mile away!

I refer anyone & everyone I can here because I know this is the only real, truthful site on how to deal with & overcome the near death journey of infidelity & divorce.

Rock on fellow chumps & let’s keep the site going. It is so beneficial to keep your resolve/strength and help any new person. We all know what it’s like because we have all been there……I still read daily although I haven’t had a lot of time to post. I love the sarcastic quick wit of Ian, Nomar, and Tempest. Divorce Minister & Portia are always insightful and I still want to hug Kar Marie and Tessie.

Tessie
Tessie
7 years ago
Reply to  Current Chump

Awww, right back atcha, Girlfriend!

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Current Chump

Im available for hugs anytime!!!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  Tilbeth

Jedi Hugs back atcha

Orchid
Orchid
7 years ago

I’m one of the chumps that wrote in to tell Chump Lady how the site helped me. Next month will be two years since my divorce. Since then I’ve put myself through nursing school, officially became a Registered Nurse (as of last week and on a Tuesday!!), bought myself a home, and live happily with my two dogs.
Today I have an important job interview at the hospital I really want to work at. Life couldn’t be better. It was hard, but I am glad to no longer be married to that piece of garbage. Thank you Chump Lady!! Your website kept me sane and it truly was a safe haven for me during the lonely a.m. hours.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Orchid

Awesome!!! Congrats!!!! 🙂

Blown Away
Blown Away
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

I continue to be in awe of what Chumps have accomplished! AND, the accomplishment can be as simple as taking that shower!
We all know the paralysis and pain of “the early times” (I love that phrase). We all moved at our own pace. I just now am allowing myself the luxury of looking back over the past three years…the black hole of my new life. Last year I buried my Mother, we closed her affairs and held a wonderful Memorial service for her in another state and I moved into an apartment near my daughter. I sold the marital home, organized “the stuff” and handled it ALL alone. All my belongings were placed in storage in my new state! I bought a house, closed and moved out of the apartment and into MY new home. I treated myself to a special trip and managed that alone, as well. I am putting my new life back together, piece by piece. I am not at Meh yet, but am working very hard at it. I credit Tracey and this blog as a main anchor in the past three years…without the support of this blog, new information presented, other’s experiences and emotions stated AND the 24/7 access to this support, I could have very well slipped and gone back to that POS. Hugs to all of you…may we all find our sweet revenge in “Living Well!”

Tessie
Tessie
7 years ago
Reply to  Orchid

You GO GIRL! Whoot! Whoot!

Aletheia
Aletheia
7 years ago
Reply to  Orchid

So very mighty! Congratulations on getting a life!!

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
7 years ago
Reply to  Orchid

Way to go

UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago
Reply to  Orchid

Take a bow. This is fantastic.

Orchid
Orchid
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Thank you UXworld. I’m one of the “stalkers” on this website. I found it back in 2014 when my marriage exploded. I can say with all honestly that not only did Chump Lady help me, but the many voices of the chump nation (including you!!). It helps to know that I’m not alone in the brutal betrayal of infidelity.

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
7 years ago
Reply to  Orchid

Congrats and good luck on the job interview! You are mighty!

Orchid
Orchid
7 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Thank you very much!!

brandib
brandib
7 years ago

My divorce was final December 2016. Two weeks post-divorce, I finally sought out counseling because I was miserable. I was miserable because “how could he fucking do this to our family?-what did I do that caused him to cheat on me & hurt me & hurt our children all of these years?-when will the crying ever stop?-why do I still love him even after everything that he did?”

I found this site a little over a month ago. Let me tell you, between my counseling & this site, I’ve done a complete 360. Everyday I come here and just absorb all of the information and advice that chumps so freely offer. It’s an understatement to say that I’ve gained strength and healing from the stories you all are sharing here. We’ve all been through our own versions of hell & back and survived to tell our stories. This community is mighty!!!

I have a girlfriend who is just now going through her divorce from her cheater scumbag. She contacted me yesterday and wanted to vent. She mentioned how well I seem to be getting along so soon after my divorce. I promptly told her about CL & CN & told her to get on here ASAP…she’d be glad she did.

Thanks for everything, CL & CN!

Martha
Martha
7 years ago