The Condescension of Other Women
Whether it’s XOJane, Huffington Post, the Daily Mail, I swear I can’t read anything written by the Other Woman without obligatory “pity” for the poor chump. Shock. Horror. Why does she take him back? She’s a joke! I’m the one he dreams about really, blah, blah, blah.
The publisher knows their readers’ opprobrium will result in more page views, so there’s some cynical programming at work. But OW sites actually LINK to me and I read the same stuff there. The most recent one was some forum on LoveShack for people in extramarital relationships. (WTF? It appears to be a board about relationships, and I guess the editors have elevated fuckbuddies to the status of Legitimate Relationship You May Wish to Tells Others About.) Same deal — what does he see in HER? (the wife). She’s such a fool!
Is it hypocrisy? Projection? (I’m not pathetic, YOU’RE pathetic!) Do they tell themselves they are serving some Higher Purpose (like “improving his marriage”… snort) so it’s all okay? Oh no, I’m not being used! Eyes wide open here!
Or is it sour grapes? The cheater returns to his wife, and the OW thinks, “Why would she take him back, can’t she see he’s a cheater? A loser?”
Hey, OW — a public service announcement.
1) Your disdain for your cheating married man is ridiculous. YOU are a cheater. That loser that you pity the wife for being saddled with? — that’s the guy you wasted your life on, hanging out for hurried fucks, waiting for his furtive texts. Don’t pretend you’re above it — you devoted a lot of yourself to that loser. Traded your dignity for sleazy sex with the idiot. The wife? She had every reason to devote herself to him — she doesn’t know you EXIST. And once she discovers you exist? That’s HER business to contend with, not yours.
You’re going to judge her for her poor choice in partners? Bitch please, you CHOSE THE SAME GUY. Only he put a ring on it with the wife. That’s the one he’s seen in public with, and you’re the dirty secret. She doesn’t KNOW he’s a cheater. You DO — and yet YOU CHOOSE him over and over and let him fuck you, because apparently you’re not very discriminating.
2) Yes you got used. You think you were using him for sex? It was all very mutually gratifying and no one gets hurt? Bullshit. You hurt the chumps in this equation and you stole from them. And as much as I don’t care for you, you stole from yourself. You robbed yourself of the opportunity to love someone honestly and above board. Your self esteem is such that you accept this second-hand, used goods status, and then you want to dress it up as sophisticated and all-knowing? You can’t put lipstick on that pig. He uses you, you’re not special. You want proof of that? He goes home to a wife. And probably other OW too.
3) You are not enlightened. You are not part of the universal sisterhood. You aren’t a credit to our gender. You’re a throwback to an unenlightened age where men are this Valuable Resource without whom we have no economic or social status. So we must compete for them, by any means necessary. Lie, steal, cheat, spread your legs, do anything — all so that Important Man Chooses You.
Yeah, you want to dress this shit up like you don’t need a man. You just extract the best from him and leave the drudge work to his wife. You want us to believe you’re some femme fatale, the one he really thinks of, the all powerful seductress. You peddle the absurd notion that you’re a feminist really.
If you’re so all powerful and irresistible, what are you doing on a hook up site? Why are you poaching from the Taken pool? I mean, with super powers like yours, gosh, you could have any available man, right? So why not test that shit out in the open market place? Why the secrecy and the life half lived in the shadows?
You are not powerful. You demonstrate the most mortifying kind of weakness — desperation.
You want to project that desperation on to married women? Well you’re right. They are desperate after they find out about you. Their entire world, What They Thought They Had, crumbles. They have deep investments. Children. Mortgages. Shared years together. Family. In the beginning, yes, they usually are desperate to hold all that together and hold on to their husbands.
But here’s the difference between you and them — they kick ass. In time they do the thing you can’t do — they stand up for themselves. They demand better. They go it alone. They survive and rebuild. They ARE a credit to their gender.
You feed on the carrion of that dead marriage.
And you have the nerve to condescend to us?
Excerpted from a previous column.
Once again, CL, you hit straight to the heart.
I learned a fairly long time ago that one can lose serious IQ points attempting to understand the mindset of both cheaters and their affair partners.
THESE FOLKS ARE WIRED VERY DIFFERNTLY.
We need to simply accept this. You can drive yourself mad trying to analyze and understand how their minds work. The are disordered assholes.
I agree, Arnold. I cannot understand my ex-husband at all. He had me, a beautiful wife. Someone who took care of just about everything for him. He had two beautiful children. He had a beautiful home that his beautiful wife took care of almost 100% on her own. His beautiful wife tried over and over again to try to figure out what wasn’t pleasing to the Cheater. What was she lacking? Not sexy enough? Lots of negligees, sex toys and lots of pleasures in the sack. Not smart enough? Read, read, read, watch documentaries, watch news shows, be up on current events. All the while when I’d bring up a interesting topic he’s say, “That’s common knowledge.” or “I knew that already.” Fucking asshole, when Nik Wallenda walked across Niagara Falls, he pretended (lied again!!!!!!) that he had no clue what was going on even though the company he worked for was thoroughly involved in the whole thing. They were Tweeting and Facebooking the whole thing, but he lied and said he knew nothing about it. He pouted downstairs “working” also known viewing pornography when no one was around and left the kids and I by ourselves again to watch another wonderful thing without him. And there is current slut. He’s had many sluts over the years. I refuse to try to analyze them. They are all sluts to me. Home wreckers. Needy women who can’t find a decent guy on their own and the thrill of being wanted by a married man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, what can possibly be better than being wanted by a cheater and liar?!! Of course the wife is crazy!! I’m so crazy that I’ve been able to turn my life around after being devalued once again, discarded, told I “never took good care of him” — and now I’m doing just great! I think we all need to look at what we been through and analyze the whole thing so we don’t make the same mistakes again. But eventually we need to be our best selves and gain a life like Chump Lady tells us to. I hope to meet her some day and give her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. 🙂
If you have ever read the OW post on say, Loveshack, you can see just how intellectually and emotionally challenged thee types are.
In some ways it is comical; in others-sad and pathetic.
These are not people, the affair partners, to be taken seriously about anything. They are dull, vapid etc.
The really messed up ones are the ones, like that Eat, Pray( prey?) author who truly believe they belong to some enlightened class and who spew new age sounding garbage( the word salad CL describes).
I think it should be your first big clue that you are dealing with a screwball if, despite a reasonable ability to comprehend most things, you cannot follow what these folks are saying. They string words and phrases together that make no sense, but have some sort of ring to them.
Arnold, I will check out the OW posts on Loveshack. I’ve never visited that site or any site that gave voice to the OW. A few weeks back, CL responded to the OW and a lot of people went off on her. I saw the beginning of the posts from CN and it was bad!! Anyway…..my ex is a very educated man in the business realm. I’m sure most of his sluts are just as educated as him or at least have some college education. I can’t imagine them being dull and vapid. I’m not dull and vapid, so I’m unsure why he’d go for this type! But they most certainly are lacking something if being involved with a married man does something for them. And then there’s the word salad. My ex is great at word salad. He can even talk word salad. He’s puts things together and I was like, what the heck are you talking about? It’s funny about the Eat, Prey, Love author. I saw her on Oprah at the height over he novel release. Oprah was all, “you are so great!!!” and every time that woman opened her mouth, I kept thinking, “she is so full of herself.” I did not like her. I was going to read her book until I saw her talk. She left her first husband because she cheated on him? I think in the book she said God told her to leave her husband, but I could be wrong on that. I’m just going from what I remember from the Oprah interview. I’m rambling…..sorry. These people just get me so worked up. And they get away with it. That’s what bugs me the most.
Just be glad you are out. A steady diet of word salad will cause brain damage.
Carrion feast. I would never attempt to build from the ashes she has. That’s why we are different. I e never fancied being a bit on the side.
It’s funny, it seems like as soon as you set them free to fully experience the seductress they dream about during their marriage in real time- THAT is when you start getting the “help me, I made a horrible mistake” phone calls from the ex.
Everything shiny and new gets old eventually when the stressors and monotony of every day life are applied to the affair partner who seemed so spectacular before reality set in.
The other woman in my case was so above it all, so understanding, so whimsical and delightful ! Then they had to start waking up together .. Every . Single. Day.
I could see her actually starting to look at me with a little bit of envy- not because I’m awesome, but because I was free of the plague (ex) she’d been weighed down with.
As far as her using her skills to snag an available man on the open market? No way. She needed the padding and comfort of her own marriage and mine to work from- so she’d have a safety net if she failed to win. The open market has real competition!
Someone always needs to take out the garbage. Real life has responsibilities. Moving on to the affair partner doesn’t make the doldrums of co habitation disappear.
Well said, Physicsgal. I like that.
I just found out my ex moved his affair partner in and announced their intent to marry next year. They did this at my sister in laws 40th birthday bash (I was invited, this in law and I are very close, but I was unable to go because of work). I was informed the ho arrived drunk/high, impressing everyone with her slurred speech and stumbling. My ex literally halted conversation and elicited stares due to his altered appearance (skinny and unkempt).
As I listened to this story, I kept thinking what is wrong with them, how can they possibly think this will work? Who is this man that I was married to for 23 years? I’ll never know, and I’m okay with that now. Anyone that has to abuse a substance in order to show their face in public has far greater problems than just being a cheating liar. Good luck with that. There isn’t a dumpster big enough for the garbage they are hoarding…
Glad you threw out the trash, Pondscumbgone! We all have to and doesn’t it just feel so good!
Padding and comfort of our and their marriage is so true and accurate. It’s not until the spouses that take care of day to day business are gone that they have the “oh shit” moment. Yeah, real life is tough, hope you have fun with it!
Nailed it.
UghNo, no kidding! The moment we chumps set that cheater free is the moment they realize where all their cheating has led them! Right at the gates of Hell! These cheaters buy into the fantasy “pillow talk” they have with their Schmoopies about how wonderful life will be once the dreaded spouse is gone, but it rarely works out well. These slags find out that lover boy has to legally meet monthly obligations to the old ball and chain and the kids they left behind. It puts a huge damper on that carefree life they thought they would have. Unfortunately we chumps don’t just dissolve into fairy dust and it’s such a huge disappointment to Schmoopie! Add the fact that cheater now has awakened (rudely) from his trance like state to the reality that his life is now in the dumper and you have the beginning of the end of the “special love” they shared! The cheater realizes for the first time that Schmoopie is just another ball and chain and all that newness wears off in record time!
I don’t know why Major Cheaterpants and Susan of Seattle broke up, but I imagine that (aside from his delusions of grandeur) one of them eventually did the math and figured out how far “half his income and retirement” would get them once I got my half. I know they planned to buy her a $40,000 diamond, but in reality he would have needed his money for rent and car pmt. how sad that was. boo freaking hoo.
He had another ow who at least had the decency not to come to the funeral even though both of them were at his retirement. I wonder what their grief was like having to hide it. You dont get bereavement leave because your married fuckbuddy died.
I hope they consider him their great lost tragic love and never figure out that he was a covert narc. I hope they spend their declining years dwelling on him.
X could not get away from OW fast enough once I made it clear I had no interest in being part of their sick triad. OW was so sure she was about to cash in on the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but instead, she ended up losing it all. Home, marriage, job, hell, even her adult children bailed on her. The final blow was when one of her kids very publicly joined a bunch of anti-religion organizations; OW is a fanatical born again Christian. I guess after she really screwed up their lives, her kids wanted to make sure she knew how angry they were. Karma’s a bitch.
Born again Christians/ Christians do not commit adultery, covet, lie, steal, intentionally hurt others, cause their children to sin or put themselves above God and other people!
Christianity is not an entitlement package. God’s grace,mercy and forgiveness does not give people permission to sin.
But cheaters believe that God will forgive them because they “are sorry.” No. If there is no repentance and turning away from their sin, then they are not forgiven. God cannot be mocked! I forgave my cheater/liar again and again for hurting me. But there was no true repentance. He just continued to cheat and lie. I was mocked, but not anymore!
Yeah, everyone looks wonderful and sparkly when you are having secret coffee and drink dates. Flirtatious emails and texts. Secret long lunch dates. Oh, that person sitting across from you — they are soooo wonderful, funny, fun, happy, witty…….just so darn nice. But at home, you have the wife who is doing all the shit work. Washing all your clothes for 20 years. Yeah, all those stinky socks. 20+ years of taking your dirty shirts to the drycleaners and then picking them up. Wiping your pee off the toilet for 20+ years. Planning meals, grocery shopping, and making dinner almost every single day for 20 years. Cleaning the house all by herself. Doing all the crap work that you were just too darn busy “working” to help out with. Yeah, that wife. She’s not all sparkly anymore. She’s tired. She feels like a slave, because she knows deep in heart that you go to work every day and flirt and carry-on with ho-workers. Well, she is soooooooooooo thankful now that she no longer has to slave after your ungrateful ass. She takes care of herself now. All that energy she poured into you? She pours into herself now. Let’s see how wonderful your slut is when the real life world sets in. Let’s see how wonderful she is then. I’m getting a great life without a cheater and pathological liar and every day gets better and better. Amen!
Yes yes yes ^^^^^^^!!!!! ?☺️
Yep! I bust out laughing when watch She Devil with Rosaanne Bar which was my reality ……now his realty! Love being free ..,, thank you Chump Nation …no more covert gas lighting!
Thanks for the movie recommendation!! 🙂
So similar. 7 months since DD#? and although I know life without the cheater will be better than the last 20 years, this pain can be unbearable at times. Thanks for the reminder that this is day-by-day.
Slow to Heal. I wrote to Chump Lady about 10 days ago, which she posted a response, asking when the pain will end. I’m 6 months since DDay and having a terrible setback emotionally as if it happened last week. I know where you are coming from. I know Tuesday is out there but can’t get past Monday to find it. Feels like an old vinyl album that keeps skipping in a groove and won’t move on. I understand where you are. I’m there too.
The setbacks hit me hard. I have made minimal progress since the discard, i.e., just getting through the day is an accomplishment. I just keep telling myself life will be better without him. Thank you for your response. This site has been the most useful tool in the recovery process.
Slowtoheal, it is a slow process, but trust all of us, the pain will go away. A year ago, heck a few months ago, I was still in a lot of pain. But it is soooo nice be cheater/liar free. I didn’t realize how much stress I was under living with him. Living with the constant almost daily stupid lies. Cheater telling me that there was “no one” he was seeing out for lunch dates. Yeah, there was no one for lunch dates. But there was a special someone he saw out for secret morning coffee dates the previous nine years. And once the slut got divorced, the cheater so conveniently changed the morning coffee date into a late night drinks and some “talking” in the car after they got kicked out of the bar at midnight. So WONDERFUL not to have to deal with the lies, disrespect and betrayal. Cheater free is paradise! You’ll get there, Slowtoheal. 🙂
Thank you Martha. I struggle daily with so many different aspects of this process but reading CL/CN has helped tremendously. And yes, the lying? The look you in the eye lies? No integrity, no character, and now just image management and “we grew apart” crap.
Yes, Slowtoheal, I totally understand what you just said. My ex did the “we grew apart” and “she’s crazy” to his ho-workers and bosses at work. All lies. And looking you straight in the eyes and lying to you — my ex is an expert at this. I didn’t realize it until after D-Day when he continued to lie about other stuff that I already knew what the truth was. It’s truly unnerving how they are able to do it. Be gentle with yourself, Slowtoheal. I didn’t know what that meant when I was told that almost two years ago. But it’s just taking good care of yourself. I truly spent almost an entire weeks vacation (my kids were at their dads) reading CL from the very beginning. I needed to read everything and learn all I could! I don’t look at it as time wasted. If I was reading a novel would that be time wasted? No, of course not! So I read the Chump Lady blog novel from the beginning! That was me taking good care of myself. 🙂 Slowtoheal, you’ll get there. I’m not at meh yet, but I’m getting there. And you will too. CL and CN is the best support group I’ve ever belonged to. I’m proud to say I’m a chump, because I’m in good company with nice people like me. 🙂
Martha!!!! This was me as well. Isn’t life so sweet now??
Yes, Ex-orcist. 🙂 Life is getting sweeter day by day. About a month ago I realized my head doesn’t hurt anymore. It wasn’t a headache. It was just the weight of everything making my brain hurt — tough to explain. BTW, I love your name. 🙂 Very clever.
Martha, I fully understand the “my brain hurt” part. I think is comes from having our hearts and our guts ripped out of our bodies and us being thrown under a bus and our brains trying to make sense of it all. My head stopped hurting some time back but every now and again my hurt still aches for what could have been and what should have been.
… my heart still aches
I’m so sorry, Maree, that you heart still aches. 🙁 Mine does too sometimes and it’s so awful, hey? 🙁 Hopefully that goes away for you soon. Yeah, about the head hurting. I never mentioned it to anyone as I thought it was “all in my head” like I was imaging it. But then one day I realized the brain pain was gone. I then mentioned it to a few friends who went thru a traumatic divorce and they said they had the same pain too. I think you are right about what causes it. It’s all the trauma and “thinking” we are doing, trying to make sense of it all. (((HUGS))) to you, Maree. I hope your heart feels better soon.
Just change that number to 30 years and we have the same story. I am slowly rebuilding my life, going back to school at age 49 after a lifetime of raising kids and taking care of everything. At first, it hurt like hell to see him treating her out for dinners etc. However, now all I want is to be free of him. Too many years wasted.
I’m going back to school, too! CL told me to turn my part-time job into a full-time job and that’s hard to do without a good education. So……..I’m going back to school to be a nurse! I’ve wanted to be a nurse since high school, so it looks like it’s going to happen! 🙂 It’s very scary, but what choice to I have! 🙂 Gotta “gain a life!” Good luck going back to school, Denise. 🙂
Good for you Martha! Woot!!!
Hi Tracy!! You help save my life!! Thank you and big hugs to you!! 🙂
Yes, Amen Martha!
Martha, once again it freaks me out that someone else’s story could be my own.
I hear you, Louisvilleflower. I’ve been reading CL since the beginning of 2016 and to this day I still get surprised at what people say and how it’s so similar to my story. Sooooo thankful for CL and CN! I truly felt I was the one with the problem until I came here. It’s not me, but him. Thankful, thankful, thankful. 🙂
Martha!
EXCELLENT! Beautifully written….
[[[[[APPLAUSE / APPLAUSE / APPLAUSE!!!]]]]]
THIS is what REAL women do!
(And, real MEN. Many of our manly chumps were the ones doing these things for their ungrateful wives / And doing it WELL! Hugs to them….)
Love all y’all and am so glad Tracy re-ran this excerpt! Excellent reminders!
Thank you, ForgeOn! 🙂 And I love to read all the comments from the men chumps. I actually have a male chump friend. It’s a long story. But I’m so proud of him. He’s getting a life. He’s done great things after being chumped. He has a beautiful and smart girlfriend now. We encourage each other and congrats! each other. I’m just always happy to hear from the guys, because it gives me some hope that not all men are cheaters and liars.
You just described my life with my ex. Just add in raising your two children, working 50+ hours a week, putting up with your enabling family…
OW wasn’t sparkly during the affair, there are no signs of sparkles now they are married!
Yeah, GoneGirl. I have two children, too, that I honestly feel I raised almost on my own. I work 30 hours a week and I had to put-up with his entitled family, too. Oh, don’t worry, everyone! Martha will do everything. She’s more than happy to slave after you. She’s more than happy to host every holiday except for Easter. She’s more than happy to slave after the Entitled on Mother’s Day. Nothing made me happier to have my now ex-husband say to me on Mother’s Day after I asked him, “Aren’t you going to wish me happy Mother’s Day?” To which is replied, “You are not my mother.” THIS after spending a few days cleaning the entire house, baking and cooking for his entitled mommy, aunts and cousins for Mother’s Day. And I watch the Entitled sit around and have fun while I, Cinderella pre-glass slipper, was waiting on them hand and foot. Ultimate Chump I was! But not anymore and will never be again!!!
yup, i got this line too. so imagine my surprise after DDay to find emails he wrote to a previous OW that I didn’t know about when I kicked him out… wishing her a “deeply warm and rewarding Mother’s Day.” WTF?????
what is it with these assholes and Mother’s Day? The line they all use “you’re not my mother” must be in the cheater playbook!
I have read this comment repeatedly on this site, and still can’t wrap my mind around it. I mean, to utter such a statement is simply idiotic in all caps (not to mention all the other things says about your guy). Good grief.
Yes, they suck and a lot of them say it. I wrote back a few months ago and so many women wrote back that they heard the same thing. It’s truly sad, but at least we all know we are together in dealing with these creeps and it’s not us with the problem, but them.
+1 I actually thought the poster had followed me around during my marriage. Then I realized I had done this shit work for 39 years, not just 20!
Sounds eerily familiar.
I also woke up to the fact that she is so desperate the best she can do is a fantasy relationship with someone who dumped her 25 years ago, is married and lives 6000 miles away. WINNER!! And he keeps her interested by buying her stuff and lying about his life and his relationship with his kids.
Not a stable foundation. Oh Well. No longer my circus and definitely not my monkeys.
“And he keeps her interested by buying her stuff and lying about his life and his relationship with his kids.” Huh. Maybe my ex is your ex’s AP. Your description (my ex doesn’t have a relationship with our kids because they won’t have anything to do with him) sure sounds familiar. My ex is currently living with one of his stripper GFs so maybe she’s the “wife” he complains about now? Eh, whatever… I too no longer own that circus. 🙂
Beth, when I read your comment I suddenly wondered if anyone had ever had the bizarre circumstance of coming here and finding out their ex actually WAS the affair partner of some other chump.
Oh the humanity.
Yes, as a matter of fact, this has happened. I’ll let those two chumps chime in if they wish.
Stripper girlfriends? Was he trying to be a stereotype?
These folks always circle back and hover.
I will never understand why any woman will waste her looks, her youth, her time on a man that refuses to commit to her. My x controlled his hoes, told them when to call or text. If these guys won’t honor you by commiting their finances, children, homes, insurance polices retirement funds etc, what exactly are you getting? Wet draws and maybe a Happy Meal, because ow knowingly enter a relationship with a known liar. X often said they knew i was married and he wasn’t looking for another wife. he also said none of his hoes was worth him his marriage, but I had the last say so in regards to that.
No one controls a cheat, neither wife nor ow. And just incase ow thinks their pussy is majical, no. Pussy, is pussy, is pussy except he dosen’t have to work that hard for it. According to him there are so many lonely desperate women willing to do anything, including eat his ass. Grab a spoon ow and eat up! Enjoy!
My cheater said, well what if they didn’t know about the wife? Well then you’re even more of a dirty scumbag than you were just 5 seconds ago! I had that happen to me as a single woman. Thank goodness I never went on a date with him! He made the mistake of taking a selfie of himself with his wedding ring on and I told him “don’t you ever contact me again”. Fucking assholes!
Renewed, girl you just said it ALL!!!! That’s all these hoes are, NEW pussy. Like they say, there’s nothing like it. Oh, and the hard working wife? She can’t compete with NEW pussy. If these dumb sluts wanted a wet ass they could have just sprinkled some water on that hot thang and called it a day!!
Renewed, you ROCK!
These assholes just want the attention… That’s all it’s about. ME, ME, MEEEEEEEE and my special c-ck. They want to make sure that they aren’t missing out on anything, so why not pork the half drunk girl who he knows thinks he looks good and keeps looking his way? I mean, WHY NOT?
LOL!
Renewed – Your post is awesome!!
It is a slice of fried gold.
The willingness to accept being the dirty secret is always what gets me. I know it makes them feel powerful and worthwhile to be the exciting garden of delights as opposed to the sturdy hardworking boring spouse- but most adults understand that the fiery spark of passion eventually gets extinguished by the fire hose of life. And then what? You’re left holding a dead shark.
I guess based on the sheer number of friends and family who have been affected by cheating, there must be a whole subterranean population of these kinds of people- willing to accept very little in order to grab the golden ring of a married person who cheats on their spouse.
It’s a huge indicator of the total lack of value the ow/om sees in his/her self from the outset. A person who felt sure s/he mattered would never accept being the expendable crew member in a relationship.
True but some of these hoes delight in the responsibility of not actually caring for the MM. I questioned x about this and asked why he didn’t look for a woman that was the total package. His answer- they were just hoes and hoes are good for one thing. After all they were so appreciative of the Happy Meals and token gifts/treats. Fair exchange, cheap $100 jewelry and OW lets me do her in the ass. A dinner and she eats my ass. Or this ow is good for certain acts. Prostitution has competition!
Lmfaoooo ^^^^^^this^^^^^
” I questioned x about this and asked why he didn’t look for a woman that was the total package.”
He isn’t looking to get married and have kids. He already did all that. Now he’s is just looking to fuck around. Why would he go for quality? He’s just looking to get laid. So he doesn’t care who he is with, he’s not going for quality, he’s not looking for a wife. He did the wife thing, he had the kids. He’s only looking to pleasure his dick now. And he’s right, that there are tons of desperate women out there, who will put up with anything.
Did you meet my x? That’s exactly the sort of thing that he would say before the divorce. Now that he is my x,he is finding out his appeal was connected to being a husband. Mate poachers aren’t interested in doing the heavy lifting….AND no more excuses as to why he can’t marry them. Plus he gets the added bene of surroundinding himself with a bevy of women who cheat, lie and sleep with married men. Funny how that works.
A young tramp who was hanging out at a club told a friend of mine that married men were the easiest to pick up because they were used to getting sex whenever they wanted it!
Long time lurker, first time poster. Had to finally pipe up jusy to say THIS. “…he is finding out his appeal was connected to being a husband.” Absolutely this. Yes, girl preach!
I agree Renewed. I can’t tell you how insightful you initial post is. I printed it out and will reread. You’re so right in that you’re spending time and your youth, and you’re not even getting a commitment in return. So you’re getting nothing in return essentially.
And having meaningless sex must get old. It’s easy sex, just porking around, that kind of existence isn’t very appealing. Living like an animal, not exercising much thought, just going through the motions. Your EX is coming to the realization now that his appeal was connected to being a husband. That idiot. Real men realize this while married and don’t cheat, because they understand this up front. It took your EX all this drama and chaos to realize and appreciate what he had under his nose. Too late, too bad, so sad.
Unpaid competition, at that, Renewed.
Garden of delights, gurl that too romantic. I think the term new pussy describes the shallowness of these relationships. A garden has to be cultivqated, planted, weeded, fertilized and harvested at he right time. New pussy is just finding a new whole in which to try the latest porn techniques. Anyone will do as long as she has a vagina or a mouth, a living blow up doll.
I will NEVER understand why another woman would want another woman’s husband. All the women my now ex was involved with over the years — they knew he was married, some of them met me, they must of known he was a cheater because he was flirting and cheating with them — yet, they still wanted them. Well, ho-workers. YOU CAN HAVE MY LEFTOVERS! And he’s not delicious leftovers like next-day lasagna. He’s more like leftover chicken, microwaved on high for one minute. Still somewhat cold and rubbery when you bite into it. Go at it girls! He’s not that attractive now that he’s not married. Knowing what I know now (a big THANK YOU to CL and CN!!!!) I wouldn’t take that assbrain back in a million years.
I agree Martha! They can have my leftovers too because he def ain’t that pretty these days! Looking OOOOOOOLD
I believe the OW in my case wanted to take what was not hers and make it hers. I believe that she derived pleasure from tainting another woman’s husband with her body, feeling like the desired one and like she was so powerful that she was able to break up a marriage.
One chump’s trash is a trashy woman’s treasure.
Knowing what I know about X’s bimbo, I can emphatically report that they are absolutely perfect for each other! Both are self-important, self righteous, selfish barnacles on the bottom feeders in the deepest, darkest depths of our oceans.
Martha,
I wanted to tell you how smart you are to choose nursing. I met this lady at a hotel and she is a traveling nurse. She fills in for people in certain mile distance for an agency. They pay for her to stay at the Mariott, a per diem and her gas. She makes $65 per hour. She had a cabin in the Blue Ridge mountains with her two maltipoos. She can tell them “no” for an assignment and travel or chill with her dogs.
And…she was a chump. This was years ago but she remained single. We had drinks at the bar and she was a delight. This was her second chance at life.
You are insuring a way to make good money and helping people.
It doesnt get any better than THAT!
Thanks, Sylvia. 🙂 It’s funny, but I “liked” a traveling nurses page on Facebook a few weeks ago. That sounds really interesting to be a traveling nurse. I totally agree with you about helping people. That’s something that comes naturally to me and I enjoy helping and encouraging people, so hopefully I’ll be a good nurse! 🙂
Martha, woman, you are on a roll today!! Thanks for the laugh!
You’re right on the money. Not in a million years would I take him back. It finally feels liberating to not be worrying about him, his health, his problems, and his family. I had his best years (such as they were), she is welcome to the rest.
” more like leftover chicken, microwaved on high for one minute. Still somewhat cold and rubbery when you bite into it”
I love this!!!!
LOL with the cold rubbery chicken leftover cheat scraps!
🙂
Hehehehe. I hate leftover, microwaved chicken. It never tastes good.
The OW in my case was also a chump herself. Obviously, what she learned from her experience was that the only way to get a man going forward was to be the OW.
She most likely idiolized the OW and saw something appealing about being a side dish to someone else. Desperate!!!
When you’re a chump and become the OW, you are rotten. You know how it feels, so why would you do that to someone else?! I will never be second best and if that means catching a cheater, I will choose that route every single time. I refuse to be lied to and taken advantage of. Don’t waste my time, MF!
I admit that I had a very brief period of fantasizing about taking my revenge by being an OW in the aftermath of d-day. I was so tired of being the meanie, the dredges, the one to settle for. *I* wanted to be the special one. *I* wanted some kibbles! I of course never acted on this brief inner tantrum because I don’t suck. I also knew that fixing my picker would result in being special to someone WITHOUT having to degrade myself or damage other people. So I can actually sympathize with the compulsion to go from chump to OW, but once someone crosses the line and actually chooses to act on it? They’re no better than your dime store cheater, and probably worse because they know first hand the fallout.
Good perspective, Chump Change. Ow in my case was supposedly cheated on. But she’s a liar too, so who really knows. Not to his credit, but if she heard the things my ex said about her, she wouldn’t feel quite so superior and good about herself.
My favorite part of those ow forums is how they blame all the crap they do on the married man. Lol, believe that is your want to. Whatever they do is their own responsibility, not a married man who has the same low moral standards they do. I’m like you, CL, I think they cheat with married men cause they can’t stand the competition on the Open Market. You know, the one where the competition knows they are in a competition.
They secretly want your man! That’s why they give it up! I had that happen with a girl about 10 or more years younger than me. She flaunted herself in front of him like she was gonna be the next GF in line, and she wanted me to move over! Problem is, the man already has the appliance! They only need you to be that side piece to be the side piece! Silly whores…
Yeah- the open market is rough. I got tossed into the deep end of that pool and actually couldn’t stop laughing at the absurdity of trying to generate interest when my fellow swimmers looked like Cindy Crawford and were brain surgeons and rocket scientists.
I’ll have to really work on my dance skills and comedy routine.
This is why we have to fix who we pick to date. Boys who are going for perfect/eye candy don’t do a thing for me anymore. You can smell narcissism a mile away.
Don’t sell yourself short, ugh no. I’m enjoying being older. It’s not about how you look or what you do, so much as what you ARE. You can buy a lot of things but you can’t buy character and respect. In fact, you can’t buy most of the important things. 🙂
Cheater often see every aspect of every major relationship through a distorted lens. The cheater is the victim, the chump is oppressive, the AP is virtuous, the affair is true love, and the marriage is a prison. One reason I was unable I sustain reconciliation was my inability to imagine remaining partners with someone who was so profoundly unable to perceive obvious truths about the world around them. Like trying to drive a car holding your family while looking over your shoulder at a funhouse mirror to steer.
Wow, the funhouse mirror. What a GREAT mental picture and description of the cheater lens!!! Brilliant
It took me a long time to really grasp what you’re saying nomar. I got that she sucked early on. It’s a more difficult leap to say that she’s bad. She’s crazy. She’s vindictive. It’s a much more powerful place. And I couldn’t have gotten there without time, no-contact, and CN.
Yep, awkwardly written, tapped quickly with thumbs while waiting for a train. I guess I meant I felt my ex wife was kinda going crazy. Imaging things and delusional. A half step from hallucinating. I couldn’t imagine relying on a person acting that way to help get kids safely from A to B, help pay bills, help care for aging parents, help plan for retirement, or help keep house, much less recognize right from wrong or remain faithful. Unpredictable and dangerous as a monkey with a pistol. I bailed as much for reasons that were practical as romantic.
You’re absolutely right. I know that if there had been more time after DD#1 before he came crawling back begging for forgiveness, I never would have let him back in the house. The shock and disbelief of my new reality caused me to be the delusional one. I looked at the monkey holding the pistol and believed it was a remorseful man.
Yea. This. I felt like he was a risk to our family with his warped impulsive thinking. His affair partners were all so virtuous. I was mean if I pointed out they were inappropriate in their behavior.
Nomar for the win!
Desperate is the word – so desperate to be with a man that they sell out their values (if they ever had any). And insightless into how boringly predictable and hollow their excuses are. OW in my case was an apparently devoutly religious woman who justified her “innocent friendship” (i.e. adultery) with her student’s father because he told her he had a miserable marriage and he was SO WONDERFUL!!
I can’t even read fiction books with an OW… e.g. Peter Carey’s “Chemistry of Tears” where the main character is a grief stricken OW whose “unhappily married” secret lover colleague died. When the character started reminiscing on how much she resented the time he spent with his “spoiled children” rather than her, I gave up on it and will throw the book out.
Yes. One of the two other women is such a Christian she can’t even talk about sex! Right. My children called his bluff. He has introduced them as friends but the children can see right through it. Which is why I agree with talking to the children otherwise they are left to form the wrong opinions about a immoral situation. My son is six and says to me this morning that his father is tricking these women.
Bravo for this post.
In my personal experience, I don’t think she could get a man on her own in the big dating pool. My ex was the first to actually take the bait. Her MO was to go after unavailable men. And the ones who rejected her – she trashed in the community.
These woman can fake self-esteem better than anyone. I mean really, if they are so wonderful and I’m so awful – how come they couldn’t land a man of their own on the open market? Because especially in my case men in mid_life are easy pickings. The children are almost grown and life gets messy. They are so caught up in the sparklies of “being in love” they don’t understand what true unconditional love is. They are so shallow that they need the excitement that “being in love” brings rather then the comfortable we can work through anything together type love. Because she is unencumbered with children, a house and all other responsibilities it taps it the Peter Pan that lurks within them.
Guess what OW – when you reach the same destination point in your love journey with Prince Charming – don’t be surprised if he is off looking to “be in love” again.
Whatever the OW went through while she was the secret, she is now my ex’s partner.
He and I were married for 25 years.
With the “overlap”, she has been with him for at least 12 years – 6 years in the open.
I know she got a disgusting cheater but she is happy with that and their relationship is strong.
I wouldn’t want him back, and there was not one moment when he wanted to stay, but she is happy. She is a tough bitch with a warped perspective on life but she did end up exactly with and what she wanted.
He lost his kids and looks terrible, but she only knows him without kids and as an unhappy person. From her point of view she is happy how it all wound up.
Now being almost 60 and in the dating pool, sometimes it is really hard.
Rebecca, while I certainly do not know your ex or his Owife, I seriously doubt they have a strong relationship. They are more than likely just stuck with one another, have no other options and put on a solid front for all to see, especially you. Keep in mind it is very typical of these couples to fake a happy life to the outside world. She may be smug about finally landing her lying ass cheater, but it took years and that will always eat at her.
My ex ow emailed me and other family members to tell us what a horrible lying cheating old man he was and I was crazy taking him back (I was not though but she thought I was ) then boom week later they living together. Well good luck I say. They know fine well what they getting into but think CL says think they are special
Rebecca,
Yes! It can be so hard. I hear you. I am 40 and I have changed my number three times due to the mutants I met online dating.
BUT….is she truly happy? Maybe. But, why would she be peaceful about having an unhappy partner (your X)? Think of it this way. I don’t have TV, but I have started watching episodes of Hoarders. I am an OCD (almost) cleaner and I can’t look away from the train wreck of these people. (I can’t watch it if I am eating). I just sit and stare in amazement at the way these people live.
So here’s the thing. Some of those nuts do seem sort of happy, living in their piles of trash and used diapers and cat poo. Now, would WE be happy? Hell no. But, they don’t know anything else. They are disordered.
So, is this bitch happy? It might be an ENTIRELY different concept of happy: She might like cracking the whip on a depressed man, or wallowing around in pity parties. You said she is tough. Maybe she is a sadistic punisher who loves keeping someone under her dirty thumb. We know she is a worthless cunt because she had relations with a married man. Could she honestly have a deep well of wisdom and peace to makes someone be truly “happy”. NO.
Whenever you start to feel sad…think of a Saturday morning. You could lay in your jammies all day. You could eat pancakes in bed. You could watch 3 movies back to back on Netflix. There is “no man” to order the day to HIS WHIMS. She is his albatross now. Hanging around her neck. Your neck is light and free.
Dating IS hard. But….(prepare for deep thought alert) I have stopped trying for a while. I have to go through this pain and solitude to learn what I did wrong (because I was wrong to stay with such a MUTANT). I always need to fix my picker.*** I need to LEARN THE LESSON. If I don’t learn the lesson…I will do it again.***
Yes, I feel like my youth is gone or is running through my fingers. But, I can’t make someone appear that I am attracted to when I am just not.
So, in this moment…just appreciate the absolute pure JOY of being the CAPTAIN OF YOUR OWN SHIP. Let her bitch ass tend to his whimpering sad sausage needs.
You are free. You have a blank sheet of paper and a box of fresh water color pencils. Start drawing.
Love this! Thanks Sylvia.
I love this!!!
appreciate the absolute pure JOY of being the CAPTAIN OF YOUR OWN SHIP!!!!
I am about to take (another) break from dating. I’m looking forward to it. 🙂 And I have a fellow chump who is going to be single with me for a while!!!! Woot!
Conniered,
It is so peaceful. Just one day at a time. Focusing on US.
Seriously….imagine what we can accomplish.
I wrote on a paper:
Breathe.
Stay with this moment.
My house My agenda.
Take the break. It is like a vacation!!!
Yeah, Sylvia. You keep fixing that picker and learning that lesson, and then, watch out world. Here comes a smoking hot woman who knows her worth.
Thank you. That means so much to me. I apologize for having to go rogue thuggish with that….thing…but I could never tolerate a bully.
It steams me like a volcano …someone relishing anothers pain.
Rebecca,
Me too! He was cheating on and off with her for nine year!!! There were 4 d-days and 5 alcohol detoxes in 5 years (because he hadz the sadz from leading a double life). They finally ran off together to have the life they dreamed of. They bought a house in FL, he retired early (60) and they don’t have to worry about paying any of his own bills or meeting any obligation to me. Because he had a cash business and lied throughout the divorce so I get saddled with all of the marital bills, no maintenance but the house and all the contents. Yes, I have heard about how wonderful she is. I would like her if I met her. She is on my side (huh?). He wanted to stay with his mother (oh, I mean wife) of 35 years, but it was twu luv and he couldn’t live without her. He explained that it “just started out as sex” but then it turned into a luv that defies the ages. That’s why he had to give up me, his only child, our family and all of our friends. He had to be with her!!! And then he stopped talking to me so I don’t really know what’s going on with him. I do know that she is a piece of shit because she knowingly fucked a married man (probably thousands of times at this point) while stupid little me sat at home waiting for me when I didn’t know, and then when I did, was dancing as hard as i could to save my marriage. Scared, lonely, heartbroken. There must be a special place in hell reserved for these women who poach other people’s husbands. I hope she enjoys the prize she won. She will be in trouble when the world resource of Viagra dries up and then they will have to talk to each other.
Grammar! It should that I was waiting for me when I didn’t know
OMG, stupid computer! WAITING FOR HIM
Rebecca maybe she got what she wanted, but you have integrity. She will never have that. You are surviving. You are a badass. You know it. And I know the future holds great things for you.
BOOM!!! Great job on the smack down you served up to these opportunistic dick holsters, CL!! They are all vultures, circling the vulnerable dying animal but only landing near it once it’s dead. Then they chow down on the rotting corpse, filling up on maggots and bloated decomposing flesh. Vultures don’t have it in them to face a healthy animal head on – they are cowards. The one great thing about vultures is they clean up the the disgusting roadkill that stinks up our world. OW = Vulture.
I so clearly remember X’s face when I laugh about his whore and said, “What kind of woman sneaks around for two years with a married man? What is so pathetic about her that she thinks that’s all she deserves? You picked a real winner there, Asshat!” She suddenly lost all charm for him. He thought she was special because she thought he was special until I pointed out what a miserable excuse for a human being this whore was. Old, used up, just looking for a payday in her coming twilight years so she wouldn’t have to work any longer.
Other Women (and men) are the true scum of this earth. They like to tell themselves they’re not cheating on anyone but they are – they’re cheating on themselves. The high and mighty attitude they display is just defensiveness. Because if they were really honest with themselves about how they are being used, they’d probably jump out a window. Then a vulture could come and clean up their carcass. Nice symmetry.
Your comments are amazing. Very descriptive and made me laugh, “Opportunistic dick holsters.” Too funny. Fucktard’s OW was more like shopvac trying to suck up discards on the Oscar Meyer Factory floor. Nothing like some soft rolling wieners and blobs of greyish bologna trying to be sucked up by a wet vac gone dry.
Uneffingbelievable- agree, agree, agree. Except in my case, the game is still on because he never lost his fascination for her.
lostandfound: “..Except in my case, the game is still on because he never lost his fascination for her.”
EITHER THIS:
…he never lost his fascination with abomination.
OR THIS:
… he never lost his vacuous search for a REAL self except there never was going to be any real self, so he found a cheap mirror and called it a day.
Which are the same thing. This whole narc thing, where occasionally they mirror each other really well? I’ve been around it, and I promise, it’s boring, trite and desperate . I’d rather watch Kim Kardashian. And I’ve never watched Kim Kardashian. I’ve never even had the faintest urge to watch Kim Kardashian (sorry, fans).
Lost and Found,
I have read so many of your wonderful posts but did not know the back story. I stopped eating when I read what happened. Remember THIS: those dinners will stop. And those two cheaters will remember….when the dust settles for real. ..and the long slog of life kicks in…oh…thats right-
You are a liar
And a cheater
And the marriage police game will start.
And you? You might be in a bubble bath or eating a cupcake….enjoying your new life.
A cheater aint no prize. Have fun Freaks.
Uneffingbelievable – Clap, clap, clap, terrific post!!
‘opportunistic dick holsters,’ Ha! Wonderful.
New one on me Uneffing and I thought I’d heard all the terms 🙂
The OW in my life treated me with HUGE condescension, in a series of emails in which she admitted all the things she had stolen from my home, and listed the lies she was fed by Assclown cheater about what financial gain there would be for them once I was killed off. The fact was, she got caught by the cops and was forced to return my possessions, and not a red cent of financial gain passed to the happy couple.
Fortunately, despite the shock of d-day, I feel good that my head ruled my heart and I threw him to her asap…and asked OW to NEVER considering sending him back.
I laughed my head off the other day. Five years later, she is blogging about what a loser he is! She thinks having a mommy blog and kibitzing with other time waster bloggers about her man troubles is a full time job!
“I threw him to her asap…” Truly a lovely visual. You rock, Marci.
The full story is far worse than I described above. The two happy lovers actually did attempt to kill me – first he put lead paint in my dinner (I won’t say how he disguised it for fear of assisting any other nut cases), and I developed severe symptoms. That prompted me to keylog the computer to see what he was doing, and when I confronted him about the affair, he pulled a knife, held it to my throat, and kept me in a headlock for almost six hours, spitting the most vile threats, accusations and random craziness. He was and is mentally unstable, but mostly, is just broke and desperate.
With no exaggeration, if a paramedic neighbour had not sensed something wrong about the noises he heard coming from our (open) front window and called the cops, I would certainly be dead now.
My advice to any chump is: DO NOT confront your cheater. Just plan, plan, plan and then disappear. I would never have suspected mine capable of violence.
Good hell, LAJ is right about a horror story– when I read your first few lines about her emails I thought, NO WAY. “Killed off?” (As a former lawyer, that one sent me reeling: “WTF, was she ever in danger, and boy do I hope her divorce lawyer leveraged that somehow.”)
Glad you get a laugh out of her blog. It does sound pathetically amusing, emphasis on pathetic. In this case, the karma bus apparently got turbo fuel injection and a website to broadcast the wreckage. I’m sure you weren’t laughing then, but the fact that you “asked OW to NEVER considering sending him back” has me grinning. Mighty you!
Marci, that’s a horror story, albeit with a happy ending.
This post made me feel great. All those times I had the other woman looking down on me. Even had one call me to tell me my husband loved her, not me.
Then she showed up drunk at the door one night, so I grabbed her and tried to show her the life she thought she wanted, dirty babies, clothes, a tiny apartment with the X’s paperwork strewn about the floor (his idiotic filing system) and his unfinished home projects, like a ripped up kitchen.
I wanted to tell her if she wanted it, she could have it, (not my babies, of course,)but the X pushed her out of the door as I was dragging her in. Then the neighbors came into the stairwell to see what was going on. We put on a good show. My son, who was 6 at the time, still remembers it and it was 20 years ago. Why I still invested another 15 years in that idiot X after all the embarrassment he put me through…ugh!
Bwahahahahaha! I love your gumption to show her the life she is welcomed to.
Oh? According to my now xh, OW was a high caliber woman. IDK where all your cheaters found all these OW skanks!
(^^ that was sarcasm. The best revenge was after talking to OW husband, a dedicated germaphobe.)
Mine got exactly what she deserved. My xh, served up cold.
Ah, yes, the Cluster Fuck B Sociopath was sooooo happy to have Cock Slobber fawning all over him. Skipping around, laughing, certainly not his normal dead eyes, raging, spewing, spitting, venomous, evil, rude, condescending, abusive, tyrannical, judgemental, blame shifting, lazy, entitled, spawn of satan mindfucking self. Hmmmm…..so hard as it was, I decided it was time to let him get a good taste of what was out there. I already knew Cock Slobber was no fucking prize catch, but I also knew long term he would be fucking himself so hard, he was just too sociopathic to see the consequences on the horizon. Fast forward a year. I refuse to acknowledge his existence. I have no idea about his life with Cock Slobber. I do know they are stuck with each other. I maneuvered that to occur. I’m aware he is back to his normal self now. What??? No more skipping around?? Ummm…. Oh, you actually have to work now cuz Cock Slobber can’t keep a job very long??? Oh, Cock Slobber financed 2 brand new vehicles for you and your “business” is in her name ???(sounds familiar)… Only problem is without Cock Slobber you don’t have a vehicle to put in someone else’s name because you are revoked for your 6 drunk driving arrests. Also, your business has to be in someone else’s name because of your judgements, liens, etc.
Yes, Cock Slobber was my punishment for refusing to start another business for him so I could have the great pleasure of being responsible for it and it’s bills while he would sit on his ass AND I WOULD DO THE WORK, BESIDES ALL THE OTHER WORK, AND MY REGULAR JOB….
All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you Cock Slobber. You can have my old horrific life and the catastrophes, stress, depression, bewilderment, frustration, etc, that automatically comes with a raging Sociopath. Yep, I know he was so wonderful in the beginning. He would have had to be to get my caliber of female. Yep, he is a love bombing charmer. Yep…..till he’s not. I don’t envy Cock Slobber. Not only is she stuck with him, but it will all be her fault too.
Meanwhile, I’m about ready to get out of bed, grab a cup of coffee, sit on the deck, breathe in the beauty of nature, watch my horses graze, the dogs frolic and play, the pond glisten in the sun. Run on treadmill and blow out a 12 minute mile, then hike with the dogs. Then later today go to a job I love for a mere 6 hours?. I love my life. My misery is over. Her misery has just begun. Hey…..you wanted him✌
“Yep, I know he was so wonderful in the beginning. He would have had to be to get my caliber of female.” This is so true! That’s why my STBX hid the truth about himself and treated me like a royalty (in the beginning). He knew our values didn’t match up and that I wouldn’t have touched him with a ten foot pole if I’d known the truth. He always complained about “something for nothing people” and he turned out to be the worst of that kind.
“raging, spewing, spitting, venomous, evil, rude, condescending, abusive, tyrannical, judgemental, blame shifting, lazy, entitled, spawn of satan mindfucking self” this sooo describes my OW>
“My misery is over. Her misery has just begun.”
So true!
One thing the RIC really discourages is “confronting the ow/om” cause they will “hurt you” or you will “embarrass” yourself. So, I went against my better judgment and didn’t confront this bitch, even though I had all her information.
One day I’d finally had enough of this shit. Called the slut. Texted her skeezy ass. She called me nasty names, threatened me, told me a few things ex had said about me.
Guess what? It was the best thing I ever did. What a vapid, shallow, nasty, semi illiterate hose bag. Before that, I’d believed his view of this skank that she was a glamorous, desirable, beautiful woman. Nope, just a common variety skanky whore.
I have never met or spoken to the OW. Everyone in my life was telling me not to. I do wonder about it sometime. Because the ex liked to jerk off into Saran Wrap (yup), I was thinking of sending her a case of it with this note: “You’ll be needing this.”
I don’t get the Saran Wrap thing? I’m taking a cue from Ian and googling it.
Did you hit “images?” Did you have to wash your eyes with bleach?
There are just some things you can never unsee. The horror!
Hey, leave me out of this. I have not abused myself since my wife ran out on me.
Yes but you Google everything. Well, I do to, but good God there are just somethings that should come with a viewer warning.
You know, now that I think about it, I just might go to the grocery store and put about 30 boxes of Saran Wrap in my cart. I will then go find the youngest male cash register clerk in the store. I will go through his line without saying a word. Then as I’m leaving, I will just wink. It will drive him nuts.
I relented and Googled. Wow. That’s a lot of trouble to go through for an orgasm by myself. Pass.
I googled it, too. Ughhhh. I can’t understand doing this, much less putting pictures of myself doing it on the internet. There are also people who dress like human dolls, and have “owners.”
I mean, seriously? I’m just not that into sex, I guess…
Lostandfound, is jerking off in Saran Wrap a common thing for some pervs? The reason I ask is that I had a good friend whose ex-husband was doing that and she would find some of his lovely filled discarded balls of semen treats behind the couch or she would find a box of Saran Wrap in his vehicle. The scary part of this sick story was apparently he was also a peeping Tom and was caught peeping outside of a friend of her daughters’ house. Also, I never really cared for the guy, and I always told my friend there was something kind of creepy about him, so guess what she finds out years later from counselors of her daughters school (it was my friend’s daughter, not his biological kid)? Yup, he had been molesting her since she was in grade school. She tried to throw that freak in jail, but they didn’t feel there was enough evidence and such, so he only ended up doing some time for the peeping of the daughters friend since she confirmed it was definitely him. When you mentioned the jerking off in the Saran Wrap, I just couldn’t help but think of this stuff. It was also found out that his first wife and daughter moved to another state after the first wife divorced him, so I also wonder if that monster molested his own daughter as well. What a bunch of sick freaks. Did your ex happen to live in the Midwest by chance, or is this more of a common deviant behavior for these assclowns? Just wondering.
Awesome!!! 🙂
My x hid his ow identity. Once I found out who they were that power dynamic was shattered. My x also made claims about their looks, femininity, education etc. Needless to say he was embarrassed once their identities came to light.
I have (sorry to say) a court-side seat from which to survey the carnage Jackass’s MOW has made of her family. She got the big discard from Jackass, too, right after I caught them because she was indeed a dirty secret, from his point of view. She’s moved on and busy using the kids to hide her current relationship from STBX. I see train wreck coming from miles away. There isn’t a thing she could say that I would pay the slightest attention to.
I don’t understand what goes through an AP’s mind. I think I know what went through my wife’s AP’s mind – extra sex with another woman. But my wife’s? She was the OW to a married man, thought she was in love, thought he was going to leave his wife for her, and he’d just slip into my place as her husband and part-time father to our children. OM evidently did not share this vision at all (but who knows what he told her during the A to keep her around). So now she has neither of us, though I hear that she is still hanging out with OM and must be comfortable remaining his sidepiece.
He’s married. He doesn’t care about her or her children. He’d rather be with his wife than her. But I’m too horrible to be around and that’s the guy she still wants. That’s all she is now, an OW. I don’t get it.
SHE’s horrible. Who the hell is just fine to break up two families, succeeds in ruining one, and then hangs out with former AP who has dumped her? A nut job. That’s too nice. Let’s see ….. entitlement, obscene selfishness, ruthlessness, and if I had to bet, triggered because she got outplayed and is hanging around, quite literally, because she must win — and believes she can change his mind. The two of them, classless wonders. Does his wife know?
Don’t even try to figure out what is going through the mind of the disordered. No good can come from trying to untangle the skein. You have different values and thought processes. Stay strong.
I agree it is pretty weird, Blindside. It seems like they’re more focused on the game of getting the other person than caring for the person they already have.
Just checked out ow at loveshack
Whiners
Pity party for themselves
Mean and vindictive
Self absorbed
jealous
Etc….
Some of them see themselves as superior, gloating that they got the loser and rub it in on the lesser ow.
Imagine all these women in a room together, they’d eat each other alive. They fake support for each other but wouldn’t want anyone like themselves around their “man”.
They remind me of my cheating ex-wife with her skewed mentality. She hated women, never trusted women, never had real friends and man poaching is their sport. If my ex-wife fell out with women friends she always claimed they were jealous of her. That’s the pattern, never trust a woman with no friends or a revolving door of friends.
Yuck…need a shower after reading the loveshack ow forum posts.
Ok, the thought of a bunch of OW supporting each other hanging out in a room in real life with their men…that had me laughing out loud. Thanks M you for this.
What about the rare but painful scenario where the OW makes a long-term play for the loser husband and succeeds. I know he is still a big loser, but she got my life: my husband, my last name, 1/2 the time with my kids, my future, even my vacation condo.
It feels like she gambled it all and eventually got the payoff she wanted. I know that long term it may bite her in the ass, but at this moment, it feels like she won.
I can appreciate this point of view. I’d spent my entire life feeling like an outsider, too weird, depressed, introverted, whatever to love. And then I finally found *my* person. Now I’m back to where I was before, but with the added bonus of being discarded and being of no apparent value to someone who meant the world to me.
I know I’m codependent. I know I was trying to find something that doesn’t exist in another person. Knowing these things doesn’t make the pain lessen. I might have integrity, but at this point I’m not sure I care.
This is so 100% me right now. I was a special snowflake of weirdness and I am extremely shy and I found MY person. And then he stopped loving me and threw me away and I am devastated. He was my protector and my champion. He had my back he was my best friend. We worked together for our house and the few things we had and then he turned into a stranger and no longer cares. It sucks. How am I ever going to find happiness again? Even if it means learning to love myself 100% being alone is not the same as the safety of knowing in your darkest times someone will be there to hold you and let you know they care.
Same for me. I was fully committed to my wife, our 3 kids and 5 fur balls, and the house and life we built. We reconciled after D-DAY 1 five years ago, had a beautiful daughter in our 40s, and the wham! Two more affairs, one still going on. My kids are devastated. I’m ok on a day-to-day basis, doing great in fact (10 months since the heartless discard). But my self esteem on terms of a relationship has always been low, now it’s rock bottom, even though I know smart attractive woman are interested in me. I question if I can keep someone happy… I have issues to resolve. LOL.
I should add that I am in not ready and not looking for someone else. My kids and rebuilding our lives is paramount.
It’s just that I’m afraid I’ll never trust anyone again, and I suck at dating.
Healing while sharing kids with the disordered is a difficult journey, Forest. I am two years out and nowhere near wanting to date. I am doing my best to become my own best friend, to take care of myself with as much love and attention as I used to give my X and continue to give to my kiddo.
((Forest))
I feel exactly like you, WhichWay. They suck.
Get you. You know I got my integrity to keep me warm…not. don’t know if I want to chalk it all up to integrity. I just don’t get why people got to be shits and betray others to this extent. And I understand the effort they pour into trying to get you to believe them.
I don’t understand the effort…sorry
We care. Dont be so hard on yourself Friend. NO ONE can tangle with a narcissistic person and be at peace or happiness.
Just insights show me you have so much compassion and love to offer a LUCKY woman.
Do not give up!!! ☺
IWS,
It’s not the rare but painful scenario, it’s your perspective from the location where you’re standing. Fucktard didn’t get anything from me and I felt the same way. Look at them as radioactive material. The only thing that will save you is time, distance, and shielding. Once time passes through no contact (or limited because of children) and you’re shielded from the day to day fuckedupness that is him, you will be standing in a new location and have a different view. Each time you move the view keeps getting better.
It will never be fair that she has time with your children and the assets you lost, but I can tell you that it’s more than fair that they get stuck with each other. No matter how happy they look, don’t believe it for a minute. They’re the same miserable people as they ever were.
Me too, I’m with Stupid (love that). Except my child is grown and makes his own decisions. She stepped right into my life and they both walked over me like I was roadkill.
OW/wife get’s to tap dance for life. She had better swallow all sorts of shit sandwiches because everyone is watching her every move. And no. she doesn’t get your life, she gets half of your life, has to take care of another womans children, gets an older cheater and has to hump her ass to make up financially to replace his lost earnings. And there is always that nagging feeling he is going to cheat on her. Doesn’t look so good from here.
Well said Renewed, ain’t that a dream life indeed?
BOOM!! Couldn’t have said it better myself!
Looking from the outside, it may look like OW/new wife got “everything”, but you certainly don’t know what goes on in their private lives.
They chose each other. So be it. Would YOU accept a partner that cheated and abandoned his wife family for anyone? Including you?
Once your partner decided to align themselves with affair partner, they changed their entire moral ethic. NOW that your spouses ethic has changed, you have to re consider it this person is marriage material for you.
Would you accept this type of person as a long term partner?
I wouldn’t. No matter how “Holy”, “Nice” my xh was for 30 years, when the rubber his the road, he turned into someone I would not consider as a friend, let alone husband.
+1 to “when the rubber hit the road, he turned into someone I would not consider as a friend, let alon husband.” This about sums it up. And my ex wants to be friends but he’s forgotten (or doesn’t care) that friends can trust each, they have each others’ backs, they are straight up with each other, they don’t lie to each other, that if something is wrong in the friendship they address it … A friend doesn’t drop you because something “better” comes along.
So, nope, won’t be friends with my ex.
“when the rubber his the road, he turned into someone I would not consider as a friend, let alone husband.”
I remember when I was standing there trying to explain to my husband that going after a married coworker and trying to break up their family was wrong no matter how he felt about me, he looked like he wanted to kill me. That’s when it hit me — he was not who I thought he was. He did not have the integrity that I believed he did. He kept telling the kids that he and I would still be friends, but who needs friends like that?
But here’s the difference between you and them — they kick ass. In time they do the thing you can’t do — they stand up for themselves. They demand better. They go it alone. They survive and rebuild. They ARE a credit to their gender.
Uhhhh… what if the wife doesn’t kick ass? These pathetic loser doormats exist too lol! Like the wife of my fuck buddy, she has known of our affair for TWO YEARS and still puts up with it. Pick me dancing, ….[EDITED, as are some of the posts with more egregious language below. New suffering chumps come here every day, and they don’t need to read nastiness. -Tempest]
OW Troll–don’t respond any further, CN.
Miss Behave. Why would you have such contempt for a woman who has done nothing to you? My guess is that you are bitter because he hasnt dumped her for you. She is still the wife while you are the weekly drive-thru five minute fuck. How sad and pitiful to be nothing but a pit stop. No woman with any self worth would be content to be some married losers blow up doll.
1. The trolls are hungry today.
2. Chump Nation, I am disappointed in your name calling. Stop it. You are all fully capable of making your point without stooping to that kind of language.
Free Vixen, agree – this is trolling at its worst. I get the feeling this post is a poorly spelled work of fiction. Let’s not take the bait, folks.
I think freevixen is concerned this post is devolving much like the one that CL had to delete. One OW troll came on the board and as CN attacked her more of them came out of the woodwork and it got ugly real fast.
Plus if you follow her response it goes way up to a post containing many more names of the not so nice variety. And it looks like it’s from a long time member of CN (namely me).
It’s been my experience that nothing good ever comes from taking troll bait. It’s not like they learn anything. Best to just ignore them so things don’t get ugly.
dag nabbit. did i miss out on some troll trashing? are we calling a whore a cunt or what? i’ll just say that they are never as pretty or as smart as they think they are. and who wants pussy that anyone can have?
Agreed. Remember they feed off any attention. She’s probably off somewhere smirking having dropped her stink bomb. Would have been farrr better if she had been ignored but I know some of us can’t resist the bait. Anyhow whether we take the bait or not she remains a rather sad and pathetic person. Not saying it to be nasty but just facts. Sad thing is she won’t see it that way.
Nope. She got off lucky with a few harsh words.
Taunting people whose lives were blown up and destroyed?
A verbal thrashing is a good start.
As I said…no different than me bullying an HIV positive support group.
And. If you stand up to trolls hardcore…they usually slouch off back to their sewage den.
I dont see why other women come here to gloat. To say the wife is a pathetic loser. I say a pathetic loser is someone who goes after a married guy cause she cant cut it in the single world. But what do i know other than this pod has no peas!
They come here to gloat because that is how they beef up their low self-esteem. It makes them feel powerful to tempt a married man. It makes them feel powerful to rile up a bunch of betrayed women.
Gloating pod whores i should have known low self esteem and bullies to boot.
I notice the trolls always seem to be female pods. Have there ever been any male trolls?
Kar Marie…you always speak the TRUTH.
Lette me at her!!!
Hold my purse!!!
☺☺☺
Intentional cruelty. I still dont get it.
I will never get the intentional cruelty either sylvia. I would never in my life hurt anyone intentionally. But apparently asswipe and his whore do just that. Dont care who they hurt or bully to get what they want. Fuck all of them. I choose to live my life in the sunshine. Let those fuckers live in the dark.
You both still rock regardless of trolls and the response they elicit. 🙂
🙂
Schadenfreude. That’s the word that describes people like Miss Behave.
A New York Times article in 2002 cited a number of scientific studies of schadenfreude, which it defined as, “delighting in others’ misfortune”. Many such studies are based on social comparison theory, the idea that when people around us have bad luck, we look better to ourselves. Other researchers have found that people with low self-esteem are more likely to feel schadenfreude than are people who have high self-esteem.[32] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schadenfreude
Lyn, I was reading the other day and made a note to look that word up…no kidding.
Yes. You nailed it.
I see no difference in that varmint’s behavior….and me going on a lymphoma support chat and taunting cancer victims.
No difference.
Ahhh… The boldness of the anonymous keyboard warrior.
Not good to poke a wounded animal. She is lucky we are not face to face.
No kidding.
Are you for real? Because your rambling reminds me of the Sarah Jessica Parker character in First Wives’ Club.
I am sad for you that you find happiness in someone’s misery. And sad that you think every other weekend is all that you deserve.
My sincere advice is to dump your cheater and invest time in yourself. Despite your claims, you are a miserable person. Or a sociopath.
I feel very very very very sorry for you.
Miss Bee Atch-
Are you serious? I had to re read your post several times to make sure I reading it right.
You kick ass? Setting aside the need to Kick YOUR ass, let me share with you a small antidote.
When my X came to see me for the last time, he had armloads of gifts, flowers and CASH. ($5000 to fix my HVAC unit) I saw on his phone where his slag (someone like you)-
was whining that he did not leave her any cigarettes.
You are crawling around on the floor for crumbs. Why would you want sloppy seconds? Because that is all you can manage.
BETTER YET- Why are you on a chump website? Because you know…you will be cheated on as well. You are *actually* bragging about being a lying, dirty NUT RAG.
Are you on a day pass from the local mental ward? Is your minder on a bathroom break? Where did you learn to read or write? Prison?
Being someone’s nut rag is no WIN. You are delusional. You are INTER CHANGEABLE. You are like a roll of toilet paper in a Port A John to these men. HE MARRIED HER. Got it? But, whatever gets you though the night, Freak.
I dont feel sorry for you. You are despicable.
Now-Go buy a book on basic ethics.
Lol. Bragging about being an OW is like bragging about foot fungus. Pathetic.
Misbehave…. The difference here, he is his wife….she’s supposed to wave it in his face. What you should be asking yourself is why are you with a man who won’t choose you outright…
I told my ex husband’s OW she could have him, I don’t fight over garbage. Seems like you are fighting over garbage my dear…..
“Biggest loser in the universe alert!!!”
Yeah, that would be the woman who thinks throwing away her weekends, her time and years of her own life for a married drool bucket makes her some kind of winner. Ever hear of a lamprey? It’s a sort of fish that attaches itself to another fish and literally sucks the life out of it. That’s you. But what you don’t seem to realize is that your fuckbuddy is another lamprey. Think about it, if you’re capable.
Miss Behave
Apparently your head is so far up your ass that you don’t even know how to spell. Good luck with being a sperm receptacle.
“But here’s the difference between you and them — they kick ass. In time they do the thing you can’t do — they stand up for themselves. They demand better.”
If this is the case, then why are you still just a sidepiece after 2 years? I’m not sure if you realize it, but your life as somebody’s proven second choice is in total contradiction with that statement.
Miss Behave – a fuck buddy? For two years? So pathetic. I’ll bet you’re one of those independent sorts who is taking the world by storm! (Snort!). Naw, you’re just as ridiculous as the douchebag you cheat with. You don’t kick ass, however, you deserve a good ass-kicking! Maybe his wife will run into you some day – with a Buick! Sad you can’t seem to find a single man to play with. But then what fun would that be because you wouldn’t be making someone else miserable!?! Who raised you?????
I’ll bet you a million bucks ol’ Fuck Buddy tells his wife what a whore you are and that you are the desperate one. No? A cheating liar wouldn’t lie to you? Ha! That’s what all side pieces tell themselves. You should have “Welcome” written on your back. I knew one of you reprobates (look it up) would come slithering along this morning. Run along now . . .
One question: If you only see him every weekend, who is he screwing the other 5 days of the week?
I guess like the other OW she believed the lie that he and his wife don’t have sex anymore….I got this from the other woman too when I confronted her and I told her “Darling, you were fucking a MARRIED man…”
I told the OW to her face we were still having sex, but she didn’t care. I suspect he may have already told her I’d say something crazy like that but that it wasn’t true. He’s a very good liar. I’m sure she fell for all of it. I told her we had kids and had gone to pastoral counseling for repeated infidelity, too. She just seemed territorial and dim.
He chose weak, vulnerable, very young girls who were easy to manipulate. They practically worshipped him. He’s very good at lovebombing and made them feel special. His actions were deceptive and downright predatory.
He seemed to be able to create and maintain a double life quite well. Eventually, when I discovered the extent of his moral corruption, I couldn’t bear to be with such a sociopath and kicked him out. He was not the man I thought he was at all.
She didn’t have a problem with it and took him right in. Good riddance.
Then why is he still with his wife, skank? [EDITED] When he gets done …He goes home to his wife. Go cry into your pillow, whore. You sound pathetic. Why would she still want him? Why DO YOU want him?? You just want to beat the wife at this sick game. Instead of watching the clock waiting for him to come over get a life.
This is a new CheatersSuck. I am the original and I haven’t contributed to this thread nor have I called anyone names.
CheatersSuck – I think she wants us to believe she doesn’t WANT a real relationship with her “fuck buddy”. (Wink, wink!). That what these pathetic idiots say to themselves and others when the cheater doesn’t leave his wife for them. Justification.
You have been hanging around for 2 years….and still only get table scraps? And you think the wife is the loser? Your onto a real winner there …hang in there snowflake 😀
Wow I can’t believe you are bragging about wasing “two years” of every weekend. Just dumb, real dumb!
Take the high road, Chumps. These people don’t deserve one second of our attention. They already lost their moral compass and their souls. We don’t need to walk that path with them.
Interesting that this individual appears to be so familiar with this blog. (e.g. Pick-me dancing) We have to ask ourselves why that would be?
“They already lost their moral compass and their souls.” You are more generous than I. In order to lose something, you have to have it to begin with.
Elaine – becase she has nothing else to do during the week (only sees man whore on weekends) but read Chump Lady!
*because
Miss Behave …. please don’t forget that your source of information for what you write about is your fuck buddy. Fuck buddies can lie to your face while enjoying what their “pathetic loser” wife is providing for them. He may say he finds her laughable, but he could be having sex with her AND you. He may say he doesn’t care about her, but why then isn’t he with you full-time? You might think it’s funny that the wife is begging for him, but have you ever thought that your fuck buddy might be getting off on it and just not sharing that information with you? He has both, and you’re one of them. Why would you want a man as a partner who is capable of laughing at someone else and making fun of them? Sure, his wife should leave him to you and get a better life, but in the meantime she is hurting, she is in pain, she is desperate, and you are with a man who is cold enough to let his wife beg for him … he is punishing her, laughing at her while she cries … even if he’s not lying to you, not fucking both of you, he is still not a man with compassion. Why would you want him?