Time for a Mightiness Check In

LeaveACheater_cvrToday, we’re keeping it positive, chumps! It’s time once again for Tell Me How You’re Mighty. To newbies, every 6 months or so, I ask readers to tell me what new, kick-ass things they’re doing since they took their lives back. And the answers are always inspiring.

If you’re in the early days, and you feel you have no mightiness, hey, you don’t get a pass. Did you take a shower? Did you make your toddler dinner? Did you talk to a friend? That counts.

As for you other badasses, tell me what you’ve been up to!

As for me, I’m staggering across the finish line on this new book. The publisher sent me the cover, and here it is! (I posted this on the Chump Lady Facebook page earlier.) If you’re wondering, no, I look nothing like the superhero there in the cape.

I’d love your tales of mightiness to remind myself why I’m doing this. Seriously, I need the kick in the butt. Must. Finish. Book…

So inspire me, and inspire your fellow chumps! I KNOW you’re mighty!

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Supreme Chump
Supreme Chump
8 years ago

I divorced him.

CocoVoe
CocoVoe
8 years ago
Reply to  Supreme Chump

I took my ex-husband back to court to ask for an increase in his child support, he lied last year when he told his attorney his salary and he makes way more than I do (double). I also asked that our visitation be changed because he is only visiting his son once a year (for the last 4 years). I requested that he actually has to have a relationship and get to know our son before he can take him alone. He got the papers last month and has been calling to either threaten or sweet talk me into just forgetting everything. I’m sticking firm!

imadeitthrutherain
imadeitthrutherain
8 years ago
Reply to  Supreme Chump

Cheater left a lot of his stuff behind for me to deal with. He moved to the East Coast and is living with his affair partner.

I have a Junk Hauler scheduled for tomorrow afternoon! They are going to haul Cheaters belongings away.

We are in process of the divorce still. He hasn’t been very cooperating. I’ve had to do all the leg work, pay all the $$ for s lawyer. He won’t even send me written instructions on what to do with his mail or remaining belongings.( he refuses to do a change of address at the post office for some reason) So, Mr. Junk Hauler will take care of this for me. Yay!

Magicrain
Magicrain
8 years ago

Got my two kid through their first year of college….BY MYSELF

Leolion
Leolion
8 years ago
Reply to  Magicrain

Magicrain…that is amazing!! So proud of such a huge accomplishment. All BY YOURSELF!! Woot-woot!!

Chumpster
Chumpster
8 years ago
Reply to  Supreme Chump

Yes. I agree. This was the hardest. We all have similar stories where this the very hard first step to rebuilding ourselves.

Braving her dead bedroom, her lies about six figures of debt, and then, discovering the affair because I had, lets say, STD symptoms of the curable variety.

Then braving the negative campaign from my exwife. Her “ownership” of the affair with oh so many caveats to render herself the ultimate victim.

Discovering, while she was trying to reconcile, she was slandering me behind my back, suggesting i had the affair.

Yeah. Breaking the shackles of learned helplessness, getting a divorce, and establishing boundaries for any future relationship.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpster

You are mighty Chumpster!

Chump Change
Chump Change
8 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Breaking the shackles of learned helplessness, getting a divorce and establishing boundaries for any future relationship! My Mantra. Go Chumpster!

seacurlz
seacurlz
8 years ago
Reply to  Supreme Chump

AMEN TO THAT!

Movingforward
Movingforward
8 years ago
Reply to  seacurlz

I divorced him last month and am receiving alimony for three years that will practically pay the mortgage on my new home and learning to love myself more each day! It feels great!!!

AsAboveSoBelow
AsAboveSoBelow
8 years ago
Reply to  Movingforward

Good for you, not so good for all of the male chumps out there paying alimony and child support to their narc cheater exwifes?

Joan Bell
Joan Bell
8 years ago
Reply to  AsAboveSoBelow

Not so good for the wife who has to pay her cheating ex husband support, but better than the alternative.

Almost Single Guy
Almost Single Guy
8 years ago
Reply to  AsAboveSoBelow

Raises hand…

phoebenix
phoebenix
8 years ago
Reply to  Supreme Chump

One of the hardest things to do…. Yay!!

freefall
freefall
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I am a newbie. First mighty moment out of this hell, was stumbling across this very site and reading something to the effect of “your cheating spouse didn’t give you a heads up they were screwing around on you, so they don’t deserve a heads up on filing for divorce! ” I started the process today! Scary – but not as scary as considering living like a chump for the rest of my life! Another mighty moment – i pitched all the” save your marriage after an affair books!” Yep, I am a super chump there were multiple affairs none of those books really helped anyhow. Thank you all for sharing your stories — I know I still have a long way to go, but it feels greatย initiating a new life:-)

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  freefall

Yeah, you, Freefall!!

Working It Out
Working It Out
8 years ago
Reply to  freefall

The first page of all those books should say, ” you can’t do it by yourself.” Focus on what is best for you.

arlo
arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  freefall

The first step is the mightiest!

Almost Single Guy
Almost Single Guy
8 years ago

I’m rebuilding my relationships with my kids and friends, which was outsourced to Vampira before.

Bonus: I have a kick ass girlfriend, 8 months going strong. The difference between an emotionally available grownup and a cheater is amazing.

HM
HM
8 years ago

“The difference between an emotionally available grownup and a cheater is amazing.”

I will second that!

Sasanka
Sasanka
8 years ago
Reply to  HM

Same here! I hope I will come to the place where I’m ready and able to go for it again with an emotionally healthy grown up!
Abuser did not provide, but drained us, taking for spending, ‘education’ (thousands) but never studied for anything and wasted it all, then had the audacity to just do it again, same result double loss of money…yeah..insane. Took 5k and went for vacation in home country with his original family. I did not have a penny in purse all the years, I mean that literally. No savings, loss of school (one third of the diploma program at the time he moved in…read-‘leached on me’ parasite….and not ‘allowed to do driving licence, no money you see, and no repair of a tooth. (lost 3 molars in 11 years through child-bearing, that started as just a small cavity…and ended as emergency extraction, no cleanings of course. So got gingivitis in lower incisors.

Now the kick-ass ๐Ÿ™‚ I kicked him out in November, but started school in September, redone all lost diploma courses with even better marks (A+ for all so far!!!!),finished half the program in a year part time by taking a big course load while raising my 4 kids under 10, heading towards 3 year merit-based direct entry to my degree program. And completed graduated driver’s licencing for level G2 (Canada). Since he left, I AM RICH!!!! It is just growing in the account as the Lord is blessing us gifts from unexpected sources, clothes, half price summer camp, sudden increase in child benefit etc!!!!!!! And most importantly immature psychopath is not mismanaging the finances!!!!!!!!!!! And he has to pay child support instead of the kids supporting him!!!!! It’s sporadic and minimal, you see he never had a ‘real’ job with crap like bosses, coworkers and 8 solid hours to deal with, what a damper on his ‘happiness’ he needs to be happy you see…..
Yesterday I started an Education Savings Plan for all my four kids $500 start for each, we have a lot to catch up, lost ten years due to the cockroach. My special needs boy will have Disability savings set up next week for all his benefits for future needs. I AM RICH :)) And as I finish my diploma and enter workforce in 2.5 years and my little will be in full time kindergarten, we’ll do great. And I will be pursuing my degree part time…sky is the limit. I’m also eating healthy now…
heavens, I went from active, biking, literally ass-kicking (Taekwon-do) gal to a depressed, suicidal, anemic, toothless shell. He injured my jaw too. My two yournger kids were born with weak immune system and have bad allergies. We have the means now to eat better and PEACE!!. I have time to exercise, bike (Did I say love biking??!!!!!) I bought a great bike. My heart is singing, dear friends at chump nation!!! Kiddos are doing well and are in counselling with school social worker, The teachers cannot tell any difference in behaviour, thank God. We all have moments, as cannot go no contact, but abuser is now actually involved (has to be, hahaaaaa!!!) and kids are loving it for what it’s worth (never had a functional dad before), and so am I (time to rebuild) I keep telling myself I-AM- TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE A-HOLE NOW!! Okay, not really as he owes us hundreds of thousands of lost income (practically 0 support, not even to sustain himself some years.(12 years) I kept the loser alive, literally. Now he is back to be his parents problem yooohoooo!!! (so is his abusive brother) With their criminal records (multiple convictions in thecase of his brother all violence and theft related), probations and dishonest and parasitic lifestyle, they can do no wrong!!! (they are all professing c’hristians by the way – yeah I know – Total Loonie Bin) Mommy comes all the way from the capital to wash losers clothes!!!!!! I kid you not. I just laugh, thank God not my problem any more, WELCOME MEH!!! :). I will divorce his worthless ass in November after 1 year separation. Boy, time flies when one gains life, Tracy, hahaaaaa! God bless you all, guys! Sorry,this was so long!!! Love you!!! PS: Can’t wait to change my name!!!! My soul and identity is back :))))

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Sasanka

I love your post and you are RICH in way more ways than money! My ex (any many others here I’m sure) was also a jobless abusive parasitic abuser and I’m grateful I didn’t have kids with him. Rock on, Sasanka! The PEACE you speak of comes from your beautiful self.

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward
8 years ago
Reply to  Sasanka

// , It sounds like you’re not a doormat any more.

arene40
arene40
8 years ago
Reply to  Sasanka

Wow!! Incredible, Sasanka. Keep on, keeping on

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
8 years ago
Reply to  Sasanka

That’s a whole lot of mighty sasanka!!

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  Sasanka

Sasanka – girl, you are kick-butt, MIGHTY!! Way to go & keep it up!!
(((Hugs!)))

Sasanka
Sasanka
8 years ago

Thanks, guys!!! Lots of mightiness fairy dust to all!!!! You have no idea what you and Tracy have done for me in the last year…

PianoMom
PianoMom
8 years ago
Reply to  Sasanka

I am inspired by your story, Sasanka! You are truly mighty!!

Goodbye drego
Goodbye drego
8 years ago
Reply to  Sasanka

Just one big wow and high five to you!!!!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  HM

I can’t wait to find out!

Mehphista
Mehphista
8 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

Where do you find them?

Michael
Michael
8 years ago

I’m going on a date for the first time today since my divorce. Feeling kinda nervous. It’s been a while. Time to take my newly upgraded chump radar for a field test!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael

Good luck Michael! I know it will be great. Keep us updated!

Michael
Michael
8 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

Thanks. My date went great. It was so therapeutic that I could actually focus on another woman. For a few hours I didn’t think about my ex at all. And I found my date very attractive. And she was a really nice woman who’s ex-husband took off on her 5 years ago. So we had a chump connection. It’s done so much for my recovery I can’t even tell you. Looking forward to a second date.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael

Yay Michael! High five!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael

You’ll be fine Michael, relax ๐Ÿ™‚

ChumpedtotheMax
ChumpedtotheMax
8 years ago

One of my Xs issues was starting huge construction projects in the house and never finishing them. He had torn the master bath apart two years ago, leaving nothing but concrete and sheet rock on the walls. He thought it would keep me from kicking him out, since the expensive would be massive to put back together (the X is a plumber, etc) but I filed for divorce and told him to stop working on the bath and get out (this after some frightening erratic behavior and his newest affair).

Two years later, I am divorced and I just finished tiling, painting and replacing all the fixtures he tore out. I did some of the work myself and paid for some, but it feels great to have my bath back, exactly the way I want it, all on my own.

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
8 years ago

You ARE mighty!!

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  ItsAJourney

Thx, chickie – I’ve read many of your posts and have to say right back at you: YOU are mighty, too! I hope things get better, and feel better, for all of us Chumps just a bit each day. Stay strong, girl! (((Hugs!!)))

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago

Yes, ChumpedtotheMax – mine did the same to my house. TONS of unfinished projets. Douchebag even had the nerve to yell at me, “Look around you!! Why do you think I can’t finish any of these projects?! It’s because of you!!” Awww. Poor douchebag. That’s crazy because in the 21 months since DDay, and his total destruction of a 23 year investment and 17 year “marriage,” :

1) I waited 8 months after finding him out, then filed for divorce because I guess living with your whore after abandoning your family while still “married” takes up too much time to do it yourself. Got that done Dec. ’14. “Check!”

2) I’ve always hated our kitchen cabinets. Three months after I filed and changed the locks & deadbolts, I 4-step process hand-sanded and painted my cabinets to look like faux barn wood, and then installed new handles. They look awesome! “Check!”

3) Always been an athlete, but not a distance runner. I took on a challenge from a co-worker in Dec., and trained by myself, out on farm roads (like Forrest Gump!) for a mere four months for my first distance run: a half marathon. Got my running jersey, number bib, medal and family photo at the finish professionally framed to remind myself that I can do anything I set my mind to, with the love and support of my real family. “Check!”

4) Finished my master’s 4 mos prior to DDay, so yeah, I count that as something done while the douchebag gave NO encouragemnet, help, or support over that 3 year journey. That would’ve taken away from his betrayal time. “Check!”

5) Continued to coach my daughter’s sports team, prior to, and even ON DDAY. I’d cry while the girls were doing laps and I was setting up cones for drills. Their love, laughter and positive energy kept me going since I found out.

6) Remodeling two of my three bedrooms. My shower room is next.

7) I continue to encourage my daughter to excel in what she does and who she is. She’s taking 4 AP classes this semester and has maintained all As, even through DDay, and abandonment by the douchebag. I have her in counseling, and just love her as much as I can daily.

8) I also continue to keep a close relationship with my grown son, and I babysit and love on my grandson (who wouldn’t know the douchebag if he met him). Family first. Always. Our son doesn’t acknowledge the douchebag at ALL.

Funny how much time and energy there is to do these things when we’re not begging a douchebag for love, affection, attention, engagement, and HELP. Cheers to all of us Chumps!!! We are mighty!!

And super-cheers to you, Tracy!! So excited about your new release and I can’t wait to get it. Your insight, advice, and this website has been a huge blessing to me, and has allowed me to express things about betrayal, abandonment, PTSD, anger and moving forward that I can’t even get out of counseling. You’re an angel to so many of us, and thank you x infinity. (((HUGS TO ALL CHUMPS!!!))) =D

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward
8 years ago

// , It sounds like you already had a lot of self-respect, before D-Day, just not applied in the specific area of divorcing the douche.

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago

Hey, AC – thx, and you’re right! My self-respect and confidence is exactly what attracted him to me when we were teenagers. I just didn’t know that it would become a detractor over time. I continued to grow, learn and excel in my profession, as an individual, as a coach, as a parent, as a daughter and even as a spouse. He didn’t progress past about age 22. He literally couldn’t “keep up,” but instead of being inspired by what he saw me accomplishing, he schemed against me to “feel good.” Whatever. Today would have been 18 years married and 24 years total. I’m mentally and emotionally stronger than ever, and it’s all just in my attitude of not being defeted by that douchebag’s lame and immature choices, getting to the point of acknowledging that his choices are completely unrelated to me (regardless of his lameass excuses), and my willingness to grow through an even deeper relationship with Christ, topic research, counseling, reconnecting with supportive family and friends, and the physical “therapy” I gain through distance running. Massive encouragemnet and love out to all my fellow Chumps!!

Goodbye forego
Goodbye forego
8 years ago

You have been totally Stella in what you’ve done. I so wish I could take on that Forrest Gump running mentality, that would be the polish on my mightyness.envy your focus and self discipline. Top chick !! X

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  Goodbye forego

Ohmigosh, Goodbye forego – you can TOTALLY do it. Just start small. Even fastwalking if that’s where you are to start. Small goals like .50 of a mile. Then .60, but you’ll notice that when you get there you’ll go, “Hey, I’m almost to .75. I’ll just go till then.” And that’s the psychological pattern you can take until you do your first 5k (3.11 mi), and then you get to decide what you want to do from there. Many, many people jog/walk or walk their running events, and that’s just as awesome!It’s about the charity you choose to support, and about conquering our minds and bodies.

For all you mighty women out there, you can do a virtual 5K (honor system) and get THE COOLEST medal and Diva Dash dri-tech running shirt to remind yourself of how freakin’ FABULOUS you are: http://www.divadash5k.com/#!about/cig1

I mean, just look at that medal!! I have mine hanging in my office, so everyone can see the tiara. This is the run that I encouraged my daughter to do for her very first medal and 5k. You can do it from anywhere, and you can see which state/city is having one, and set your sites on it. I recommend downloading the Asics Run free app and you can start a plan based on your level now, against what your goal is. It also has a built-in GPS if you don’t have or want a GPS watch right now.

Seriously – after the hell of DDays and the PTSD that we’ve all survived, you can totally do this and kick its butt. Plus, the activity generates positive chemicals in our systems that we need mentally, physically and even spiritually.

Love, girl! =D

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago

Big YAY for you!!

unicornomore
unicornomore
8 years ago

You GO CTTM !! with H gone, I was getting ready to move my new husband into the house I not only shared with deadH but he actually died IN the house. Part of my renewing my house process was to have my master bath torn out down to the studs…it was hard even having workers do a lot of the work, so you get a huge Chump Salute from me for doing it yourself !!

phoebenix
phoebenix
8 years ago

Good for you!

jaded61
jaded61
8 years ago
Reply to  phoebenix

Long time lurker – just want to say BEAUTIFUL !

sara
sara
8 years ago

Awesome!!!

chumpaloney
chumpaloney
8 years ago

I divorced him! put him in jail…now im a mighty 5’2 128lb blond chick who drives a big rig…Im super happy and becoming mightier by the day!

NoMoreNarcs
NoMoreNarcs
8 years ago
Reply to  chumpaloney

Keep us posted!

Tessie
Tessie
8 years ago
Reply to  chumpaloney

You Go Girl!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  chumpaloney

Woot-woot!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  chumpaloney

The hottest trucker around!

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  chumpaloney

Love your kickass attitude chumpaloney. You rock!!!

TP
TP
8 years ago

Love the cover!

I have been divorced now for six months…woo hoo! Took a SUP (stand up paddleboarding) lesson and have been trying out different boards and areas ever since.

Also bought a new roof, remodeled bathroom and fixed up garage. House not only looks amazing but the the hot, thick, toxic air is gone.

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
8 years ago
Reply to  TP

I have spiffed up my house big time. If you ever need to remind yourself that you are so grateful mr slugabout cheater is gone. Go to google street view. Go back in time to then and now and watch the toxic cloud life.

phoebenix
phoebenix
8 years ago
Reply to  TP

I love the can do attitude! Right after I kicked my ex out I needed to run the snowblower. I was concerned because I wasn’t sure I would mix the 2-cycle oil correctly. I reminded myself that it wasn’t that I couldn’t do those things I just never needed to in the past. Thank goodness for the internet where a person can look up pretty much everything. ๐Ÿ™‚

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  phoebenix

Right there with you. I look up all sorts of stuff now!

sara
sara
8 years ago
Reply to  phoebenix

Ha! me too with the lawnmower. It never really worked well. I figured out that the stbx didn’t put in the right oil. Really ?!?

ALB
ALB
8 years ago

I sold “our” house, moved into a rent house while making plans to build a permanent house across the street from my mom & dad.
I also took a new job (the same week I closed) as a project manager!
I held up to my word of planning & executing a baby shower for sis in law because we are great friends despite my husband’s/her brother’s ignorance.
Planning to file for divorce asap.
Now, on to new and exciting things!

ALB
ALB
8 years ago
Reply to  ALB

I’d also like to add, it’s been exactly one year since I kicked him out of the house! What a great anniversary:)

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago

Firstly….. Love , love, love the cover! You say you dont look like the super hero on the cover, but I beg to differ. Your inner bad ass look like this! That super hero spoke to you in some way and it was an image that you wanted to project. It reminds me of a cartoon I saw where ther is an old woman in a wheel chair and she is looking in the mirror and she sees herself in an elegant ballet pose… Much younger and full of life. She is smiling with her arthritic arms bent like tree branches over her head. She smiles. she believs she is beautiful still… And thats what is important.
On the road to Meh(still not there yet… GPS broken… ) I have had to find the ‘ bad ass ‘ in me. I have had to look in the mirror and remember who I see and not what somebody told me. I have cast that image off. And maybe I am not wearing a cape… But I got some kick ass boots on.

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

The Clip, among others, your posts have been a valuable source of insight, coupled with a wonderfully wicked sense of humor. You may not have arrived at Meh yet, but, with your bad-ass up and operational, I’ll keep hoping that your GPS will be out of the repair shop soon, and then it will speed you to the promised land. The story about the old woman looking at in the mirror is beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

I agree! This is definitely Tracy’s inner badass silhouette rockin’ the cover.

Lothos
Lothos
8 years ago

Still to early for me on this one. Since I was the one making all the money and she was the one sitting at home having the affair I had to pay alimony, pay for refinancing the home so I can pay her the portion she is due. She now has a nice new apartment where her boyfriend (affair guy) visits her frequently. She gets to take our daughter on nice vacations all summer and drive around in her boyfriends mustang convertible (all on borrowed money of course as I make twice as much as he does).

So this summer until January 2016 I am on a short financial leash. Can’t do much as I got saddled with 47k in attorney/divorce fees because of her false accusations etc. I have 10k left of that to pay off which if I am cautious can have it paid off by January 2016. Once that happens my party and freedom start to begin.

She loves to pick up our daughter in her boyfriends car!

I am going to love sending her iterinary (required by court) emails of my trips to Europe and Hawaii with our daughter next year.

So to early still!

ChumpDad
ChumpDad
8 years ago
Reply to  Lothos

The best revenge is living a good life away from the cheater. My ex must hate that I’m doing more things with my boys than we ever did when married.

mgirontree
mgirontree
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDad

Agree ChumpDad. When you feel better and do better after the separation, it says a lot!!!

Susan
Susan
8 years ago
Reply to  Lothos

This is exactly it…you got a divorce and are not sitting around moping but planning an awesome life with your daughter while your cheaterยดs false abundance will implode sooner or later. You are awesome!

Elizabeth Lee
Elizabeth Lee
8 years ago
Reply to  Lothos

Lothos, Dude, not too early at all. You’re out of the funk and you’re making plans. You’re getting the debt paid off. You’ve come so far!

kb
kb
8 years ago
Reply to  Elizabeth Lee

Anyone who can pay down nearly $47K in attorney fees within the next 6 months is pretty damn mighty!

Your toxic XW respected neither you nor your money, and you can bet she doesn’t respect her new boytoy either. It’s not that she likes strange, but that she likes shiny things, and the sun glinting off his silver dollars looks very pretty now. She’ll find other shiny things later on.

I always think that marriages in which either the Cheater or the Chump is a stay at home parent makes the divorce so much ickier. If the Cheater is the stay at home, the Chump ends up financing the affair–big shit sandwich! If the Chump is the stay at home, then the Chump is often faced with big financial issues. More shit sandwiches!

You, though, look as if you’re on top of things. The good news is that your blood-sucking XW is no longer leeching off you.

Definitely you are mighty!

Lothos
Lothos
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

Well the 47k was for Attorney fees over the last 2 years. Half is from her false accusations, she accused me of raping her, beating her and sexually abusing our daughter. She tried to do this twice and both times socials services found no evidence to support her claims and the judge tossed it out. She also accused me of stalking her and even went into protection for it but at trial when asked did she ever see me around her at all and she said no she just heard that I was stalking her from a friend. In the first case she also accused me of calling her around the clock and threatening her. I produce all of my phone records from my cell phone and home phone and she produced nothing. When asked in court what phone I was calling her from her she said my person cell phone. She produced no records other than her testimony that the phone calls took place. Fast forward to almost 1 1/2 years to when I was asking (and granted) shield requests so that the cases would be suppressed from public view she now claims I had through away phones and was calling her that way. Her testimony changes based on whatever evidence I provide. She lies through her teeth to cover up the adultery and she has no moral boundaries and is willing to try and destroy my relationship with our daughter for it. In the end after 47k in total attorney fees it ended up exactly were it was going to be which was 50/50 custody (physical and legal). She is still making the false accusations and I am just waiting for to take me to court one last time so I can then sue her. My attorney was afraid of suing her because she has no money but I reminded him that she gets alimony from me and that is income to her. If I win the lawsuit I can deduct it from her alimony and still get the tax right off and she still has to declare it as income. (Child Support can’t be touched because its for the kid).

Anyways I only have 10k of that debt left.

Hope49
Hope49
8 years ago
Reply to  Lothos

Lothos, Wow… as a former prosecuting attorney who handled domestic violence case prosecution I can only say: I am sorry that you had to endure false allegations and continue to do so. The prosecutor’s job is to do justice and if that means dismissing a case before trial because of poor evidence- then THAT is justice! Too many prosecuting attorneys lack the backbone to call the victim in and say- stop the bullshit! I was a tough prosecutor BUT I also saw crap cases that had NO business going to trial. As an attorney, I apologize for my profession and colleagues on some days. Best wishes.

Lothos
Lothos
8 years ago
Reply to  Hope49

I appreciate the apology but its not your fault. Her “FREE” attorney should have called BS before it even went to trial. When I produced my phone records he just looked over to my attorney and said “Good Show”. He then goes over my phone records and sees a few calls grouped together calling my daughters friend. He then asks me why that was and I said well because she can’t hear and if she does not see the light she does not pick up and since it was my daughters friends my daughter may have tried to call her multiple times. Just wish they would dig a little deeper and not just take peoples word for it.

It is far to easy to get a temporary protective orders. You are guilty until proven innocent in these type of cases and the penalties you have to endure before even getting to trial are super harsh if you live with the person (I was not living with my X at the time as she had moved out). People use them way to much to get an upper hand in divorce cases (especially when children are involved).

Lothos
Lothos
8 years ago
Reply to  Elizabeth Lee

Very true, still kind of irritates me. She has taken my daughter to New York City this summer and now to the Poconos (next month). All I could do is get my daughter a bicycle!

I did talk to my daughter about this from a high level and told her daddy had a lot of debt from the divorce. So I gave her a choice, we could do some sort of small vacation this summer but the consequence is the debt will take longer to pay off which means a so so vacation next summer. Or we do small things this summer and next summer we party!

She chose next summer to party!

If I ever get married again there will be a prenup! No prenup then no marriage. Marriage does not have common marriage law (meaning living together 3 years is automatically married) and prenups are considered contracts and are strictly enforced.

Lothos
Lothos
8 years ago
Reply to  Lothos

Type in my last post

Marriage does not have common marriage law

Maryland does not have common marriage law

Working It Out
Working It Out
8 years ago
Reply to  Lothos

It’s too bad that adultery does not impact equitable distribution.

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Working It Out

It does if they spent money I believe.

Janus
Janus
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

Adultery does matter in an equitable distribution state if they spent money on the affair. My STBXH did not get this. He thought that if he just contributed some money to our joint expenses, he could do what he wanted with the rest of his salary, like spend it on hotels, plane tickets and giving money to the other woman.

Working It Out
Working It Out
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

You are correct if you can document large sums. When the non-working spouse does it there are no consequences.

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

Donna is correct. I have a dissipation claim because my stbx decided to go out drinking and gambling OUR money away the past 3 years of our marriage because that is what made him happy because I was too much of a prude at home. He also needs to pay me back for his fuck phone line. I don’t give a shit if he only paid $40 for it or $400 – he has to pay me back. Fucking fuck head.

WhatJustHappend
WhatJustHappend
8 years ago

Taking the LSAT and applying for Law School!

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago

Good luck!! You can do it!! Woot! ๐Ÿ˜€

jaded61
jaded61
8 years ago

AWESOME Indeed!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
8 years ago

Awesome!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago

Nice! good luck!

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago

Wow, I’m impressed!

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Fifi

Nice!

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago

Good for you!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago

Mighty indeed!

Jeri
Jeri
8 years ago

I left my husband of 28 years after finding out he had been having an affair for the previous 5 months, right under my nose. I had been with him since I was 17 years old ( I’m 48 now ) and had never been on my own. Long story short, I now have more confidence in myself than I ever have before, I work at a (literally) billion dollar company, I pay my own bills, buy my own stuff and I can do what I want, when I want to do it ๐Ÿ™‚ The best advice I can give anyone is, yes, it is true, time heals all wounds, and do things that scare you, things that you are uncomfortable doing, it will boost your confidence like nothing else !

CharityFroggenhall
CharityFroggenhall
8 years ago
Reply to  Jeri

Jeri, good for you! Wow! You have done so much!

McJJ
McJJ
8 years ago
Reply to  Jeri

And I heard on the radio coming in today that when there is a blue moon (last night?) one of the things you are supposed to try to do is “something that scares you”. So today is the day for that!

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
8 years ago
Reply to  Jeri

“Do the things that scare you”
I love that! Go Jeri Go!

onthehill
onthehill
8 years ago

Wow. Let’s see.

During the week after I kicked my X out, I redid the horribly molding calk between the tub and shower. Mind you I am NOT handy. I watched a YouTube video, and it turned out awesome! That really made me feel great!!

I was able to get my divorce finalized last December. It should have been sooner, but my X dragged it out way beyond necessary. Even HIS lawyer didn’t like him, and it was usually only me, my lawyer, and his lawyer at the negotiating table. And my X had to pay my lawyer, in the end, over $20,000 for his antics.

I got a landscaper friend of mine to help me mow our 2 acres of grass for merely the cost of fuel (I help by riding one of the mowers). The last summer my X was here, the grass grew knee-high.

Am holding down two part-time jobs while I keep after my teenaged son full time, and, my very elderly (unfortunately a Narc too) mother. I have since had to take over all her finances and about half her daily care.

Am currently cleaning about 40+ years of crap out of our expanded cape (my mom owns the house).

Scrambling on what to do for income (I’m 55 now) when my X can stop paying me in 2018. He doesn’t have to – but I KNOW he will. So I need to somehow find $30,000 a year. My accountant said I should take QuickBooks courses and help small businesses from my home. He says “there is a need”. Although I’d love to go back to college to study to become a counselor – I just don’t have the time right now.

Had to remove 3 dead mice (to date) from the basement. That’s been the hardest.

Trying to keep a log with the local police, because my X has been breaching the No Contact court order toward my son. Of course the contact is vanilla enough that a RO request would look ridiculous, however, we don’t know if or when the attempts will escalate in nature.

Have been able to set aside $1000 for investment.

It hasn’t been easy by any means. HOWEVER – I AM IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE for once; no longer have to live on eggshells every day; and can actually DO adult things without being criticized, teased, or ignored.

Yeah, I’ll brag today – I’m Mighty.

Chump Change
Chump Change
8 years ago
Reply to  onthehill

Yes!!!, there is a hige need for quick books help. Im am artist, and spend way too much of my time entering data, expenses, etc.into quickbooks, and data entry by my bookkeeper id $45/hour so I do it. I HATE Doing it, and it takes away from creative time. Great suggestion! Let me know when you need a job!

OutWest
OutWest
8 years ago
Reply to  onthehill

As the whole shit show started to play out I started working with a very good counselor and went back to grad school to become a counselor. I completed my degree this spring.

1. Grad school
2. Divorce–still trying to finalize details
3. Living alone and happy
4. Got a part time job I adore
5. Home maintenance on my own
6. Bought car on my own
7. Starting a business
8. Trekked Grand Canyon with another divorced mom and 4 kids–extremely cathartic
9. Beginning to date a charming, chumped man who “gets it”
10. Living life to it’s fullest every day.
11. Lost 15 pounds
12. Strengthened relationships with beautiful, awesome children
13. Court ordered ex out of house

Yes, I cry, but I am no longer keening on the floor at 2AM. I have surrounded myself with friends, several divorced women and we are very strong. I wouldn’t wish this experience on my worst enemy, but having had it, I see that there is a future out there and it looks awesome!

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago
Reply to  onthehill

Oh yes you are mighty! You inspire me to face my own financial worries without panic. My ex’s meager support will be over in November. No idea how I’m going to replace that money. Thanks for the QuickBooks idea!

Leia
Leia
8 years ago
Reply to  Fifi

For those of you looking at Quickbooks–look into Sage, too. Sage is more specialized. Just started a new job that uses Sage…different than Quickbooks, but there might be more of a niche. Just an idea and suggestion.

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago
Reply to  Leia

Thanks, I’ll check out Sage!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  onthehill

OntheHill, you are indeed Mighty! I understand the PO violations, Saddam used to do that too, violate it in such a way that I couldn’t report because I’d look vindictive and ridiculous.

onthehill
onthehill
8 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Exactly Dat. Our CPS Rep told me to document each of the violations with the police. The first cop was great and understood entirely (fortunately I got his email address). The next time I went over to the station. This cop all but laughed in my face. Soooo, I have just been emailing the stuff we get to the first cop.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  onthehill

It won’t let me reply to your original comment…. Last summer during the height of the affair and all the verbal abuse, I finally discovered the source of a terrible stench we had noticed for a couple of weeks. We live near a sewage plant so I assumed that was it but it was a dead mouse that I think my MightyCat had chased and cornered. It got stuck right behind a vent cover and died. I called up Asshat and told him I could not touch it. I figured he deserved to be given one important job, at least.

Shechump
Shechump
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

Did the coward come and pick up the dead mouse, for once in his life?

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

Ha! He did. He lived on a horse ‘farm’ growing up so he is okay with that. I cleaned with bleach water and scraped the fur etc that didn’t come off with the corpse. It was during a month where he had left us in another country early and I drove 2,500 miles with a 6 year old to get home. He screamed at me every other day about imaginary marital problems and I was mentally zapped. I used to live alone in a cute house with my feisty cat and we handled a 4 ft rat snake, raccoons, bunnies, mice, huge bugs but a dead mouse during the affair was too much. Had i know he was having the affair, I might have snuck it into his underwear drawer ;O

sara
sara
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I shovelled a dead opossum off my front lawn yesterday – you can do it !!!

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  sara

Onthehill – you’re doing an amazing job rebuilding after dealing with that douchebag for so long. I was also with the x-douchebag from 16-40. Funny how I lost who I was because of him, not because of myself. In the time he’s been gone, I’m happier, find fulfillment in my own lost interests, and am not dying inside from lack of anything tied to a sham “marriage.”

I work in technical education. I believe in higher education and have gone through a master’s, but consider that with the time & finances, you want to get to work soon. You can typically attend school for way less than a degree, and can get state and/or industry certified & get to work fast. We have legal office grads done in 9 mos, certified & working at $18-20 hr. LPNs are done in 15 mos and making 32k+ entry level. Same for web design, surgical technician, database administration, CADD, etc. Not every state has a system like in Okla., but tech schools are everywhere. You might also qualify for the Federal Pell Grant and have most tuition taken care of. Find out at fafsa.ed.gov

Good luck, girl. With everything you have accomplished thus far, I’m positive you’ll do anything you choose to do!! ๐Ÿ˜€

Chumped in Chicago
Chumped in Chicago
8 years ago

2 years out. Almost one year divorced. I’m still working on my relationship with me…and I’m actually getting somewhere. lol. I’m learning new things, I’m starting to accept myself and I’m being adventurous. I’m leaving negativity behind (i.e. “no one tells me what I can’t do”) and I’m building my life on my terms – one that I’m happy with. I have good days and bad days but I chug along. Love to all of Chump Nation xoxo

nodancing
nodancing
8 years ago

Going back to college!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  nodancing

Nodancing–Yeah, you!!!

sara
sara
8 years ago

I picked up my guitar & joined a band. I’m having a blast with new found friends ๐Ÿ˜€

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago
Reply to  sara

That’s the coolest thing ever! I have a bass guitar gathering dust in the corner. Hmmm….

Mehphista
Mehphista
8 years ago
Reply to  Fifi

LOL, I couldn’t arry a tune if it had handles, so I will be Audience for the debut of the Mighty Chump Philharmonic!

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  sara

Maybe next on my list is to dust off my guitar nevermind actually figure out how to play more than five chords which I have yet to do in 30 years ;O

Jayne
Jayne
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

Chumpyelf – 5 chords is plenty! Just get a capo and learn how to transpose (dead easy honest). Most singalong songs are lucky to have 3 chords in em – most are dead posh if they’ve got 4 chords or more! ๐Ÿ˜€

I’m figuring your 5 chords are A C D E G (you gotta learn a couple of minor chords Em and Am will do the trick nicely, chuck in Dm and Bm and you honestly need nothing more) ๐Ÿ˜€

When I first taught myself guitar – several lifetimes ago – F and Bm were painful buggers that forced me to learn to transpose. But actually, are pretty easy once your hand has strengthened, and it is quite hard to tackle the Blues without them. I’m still tempted to transpose and reach for my capo when confronted with mad chords like Eb and C#. As for augmented stuff – just play the original chord – I’ve a saying, ‘it’s good enough for Folk’ and I can’t ever see me wanting to fill the Royal Albert Hall with my virtuosity! ๐Ÿ˜€ xx

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

When school starts up again and I have some quiet time in the house, I will dig the guitar back out. I was a music/band nerd decades ago but these stinky stringed instruments trip me up every time. My little violin sits in my closet, taunting me. I have all my instruments saved bc my little son is a music lover. He has a strap that his favourite musician has even though it is ridiculously long. Anyway, I know i can do Am so now I have no idea which chords they are!

I got my first capo a few years ago when Asshat started getting unbearable. And new nylon/steel strings. I have RA and Raynauds so my hands and fingers are very sensitive sometimes. Good to have an excuse to be so miserable at it ;O

KittyClancy
KittyClancy
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

I took up the ukulele, and joined an awesome local uke-lovers group. Now I’m out two nights a week jamming and making music with other happy people. It’s been great reconnecting with my playful self (i’m 60 years old). I’m building a network of uke friends all over the world. There is such beauty in unexpected places.

ChumpDad
ChumpDad
8 years ago
Reply to  KittyClancy

I need to dust off my ukulele. Started learning but d-day killed all inspiration. I bought the uke for myself the fathers day before d-day.

sara
sara
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

Take some lessons and have some fun. Music is a great outlet ๐Ÿ˜€

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  sara

Uh, yeah, I need to have the baby grand tuned bc we moved here two years ago and I just didn’t get to it – oops.

Shechump
Shechump
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

I wanna dust off my guitar. I used to play pretty good and I hear youtube is the place to learn. Yeah

Elizabeth Lee
Elizabeth Lee
8 years ago

I’m opening my own web design business in September and also about to become a partner in a friend’s business. My youngest child graduated from high school this year, so I’ve managed to get all my kids to adulthood! I AM mighty.

WhatJustHappend
WhatJustHappend
8 years ago
Reply to  Elizabeth Lee

Awesome!!

donna
donna
8 years ago

You are mighty!!

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago

I had a meal with thirty somethings and we laughed our heads off. I was attracted to one of them and it looked reciprocal. I had thought they would not even want me around ! They have invited me again. I look so good that people who are 15 to 20 years younger are pleased to be in my company, yay.
I listed all the common expenses for which I paid fully, since 2002, complete with receipts. I can use the sum to reduce the price I have to pay for my cheater’s share of our home. It amounts to 16000 for the first three years alone. I am so wonderfully organized that I can dig into the past and come up with all the details and proofs.
I found a solution for the shed that is eaten by insects. I can buy a larger window at the DIY depot and cut the bad pieces out. It will cost very little, and I will not need a contractor who says he will come and never shows up. I am so good at solving problems on my own, hurray.
I have completed my 46-page comics, with colors and texts, only minor corrections remain to be done. I found the strength to finish although I was made miserable and had to face so many humiliations. It was delayed, but it’s ready for printing. I have more stamina than a ferret, mighty me !
At work, I completed my missions and people are happy with me, despite the past year being a constant source of pain and fear. I had all the reasons to curl into a ball under my desk, but I managed to sit straight and carry on. I’m great.
Breakup was 6 weeks ago. I have made more friends during these 6 weeks than during our 15 years together. It’s only the beginning.

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

I had a yoga teacher in Belgium who made us do this exercise: stand on a chair and with the loudest voice, say how wonderful I am. It was hilarious and very effective.

Sasanka
Sasanka
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

I like that ๐Ÿ™‚

seacurlz
seacurlz
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

I must try this!

Kimberly
Kimberly
8 years ago
Reply to  seacurlz

Seacurlz – me too! I’m going to do that when I get home!

Thankful
Thankful
8 years ago

Peeping the house to eventually sell,
According to XH I should have just done it already. Has no concept that legal documents sent to him to sign are a must.
Have returned to college. Halfway through my diploma.
Slowly reintegrating my daughter back into school full time as she completes her two year treatment for leukaemia this coming January.

And in this past week am coming to terms with my mother passing. Sadly to say she has left no real void in my life by passing.
But it does spur me on to be a far better mother to my kids. And to plan ahead.

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

Nice to hear Thankful.

sara
sara
8 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

Hugs to you and your daughter Thankful xxxxx

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  sara

Thankful – you’re doing an amazing job with your sweet girl. I’m in awe of all the Chumps who not only have to deal with the douchebag LOSERS who betray, but then turn their backs on their sick spouses and children who are suffering with illness. It’s horrifying. I’m so glad she has you. Just one day-at-a-time with school and you’ll be done before you know it! So inspired by your strength and courage. (((Hugs to you and your daughter!!)))

donna
donna
8 years ago

Mightiness for me was facing the pain and I did it! I stand tall and when I look in the mirror I am proud of myself for taking my power back. This was a process and it continues daily. I am single and know I deserved better. I functioned in chaos and recognize the strength it took to finally divorce a covert narcissist.

I kept my home I live in on the weekends. I share it with my granddaughter and son on weekends. I struggled through a year of having little money as I rent another place close to work. I did it myself.

I kicked his ass in court and kept my pension. I set firm boundaries and detoxed.

I joined a gym and do strength training. I look and feel better. Im getting my soul back.

My children are my life and I have built authentic memories based on honesty and caring.

I let go of his double life as it was his not mine. I did what mattered which was being a good mom.

I live a mightier life. Thank you CL and yiu are the super hero. Love peace and Meh.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago

Even though I am stuck in limbo right now, I do have a plan, an awesome lawyer and finally joined Chump Nation ๐Ÿ™‚

In the meantime, I decided to get on with my to-do list. Cheater broke the cover to my armrest about 5 years ago. Car is 16 years old but way more reliable than him so I ordered the OEM part, dismantled it and replaced it (it involves some pesky wires). Replaced the glass on my wing mirrors bc the silvering was all messed up. Figured out where to find parts for my decades old roof rack and added locks and covers that cheater had long lost. Joined a Little Black Dress Club, sold my little house out of state, bought a nice paddleboard and installed the crazy rack on my car, waiting to get myself a mountain bike but already put together a bike rack (called BrassKnuckles!) and installed it, and, finally took up a hobby I have wanted to try for *cough* forty years – archery.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

Oh, and I stopped doing the Chumpty Dance!

Chumpfor21
Chumpfor21
8 years ago

Love this topic – reading all of the accomplishments is very energizing!

After 18 months of cleaning up and paying off Mr. Cheaterpants’ financial misdeeds and crimes, I purchased a home. Never thought I would be able to because of the absolute financial abuse. But I did it. I get the keys today.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpfor21

That is definitely mighty chumpfor21!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpfor21

Way to go!

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpfor21

Chumpfor21, may your new home be an oasis of peace and happiness for many years to come. Congrats!

seacurlz
seacurlz
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpfor21

Congratulations Chumpfor21!!!!! How exciting for you!!!

Luziana
Luziana
8 years ago
Reply to  seacurlz

GOOD ON YOU!!! HOORAY!!

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Awesome, girl!! Congrats on your new home! Make it everything you wanted your home to be – now just douchebag-free! =)

saralou1972
saralou1972
8 years ago

next week is one year form DDay and i have finished my degree, signed up to college to do another course, just today lol i have decorated my house my way and changed things around to my way, my daughter and boyfriend live with me (ex would never allow that) so i have some company, i have a friend with benefits (although am thinking of ending that soon too ) i have been out with friends and family, i have no stress apart from work of course. I do what i want when i want and with whom. I sort my own DIY and cars out and three of the best things are to come in next few months. 1 am going to be a grandam for the first time and its a boy and 2 it looks as though by Sept my areshole ex (hopefully) will have signed the house back to me so its all mine, and i have managed to borrow so extra to clear the debt he left and am going abroad for the first time in 11 years, YES I aM Mighty !

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  saralou1972

sarahlou1972 – Congrats on your first grandchild! It changes everything, and there will be times from now on that you may feel silently sad that you can’t turn to the person who promised to love you, so that you can both smile and giggle over your happiness. But you just continue to smile and giggle with your OWN happiness, as you love on that new family member (sweet angel baby). Just remember that you’ll be the best grandparent he’d ever wish for, even if it means going at it solo for a time. Same thing happened to me, but my grandson was 1.5 years on DDay for me. He hasn’t seen the x-douchebag since, and you know what? No loss there. He’s 3 now, and I babysit all the time, and will coach my grandson’s soccer team in spring. He’s my sweet little buddy, and I spoil him with love and kisses all I want. No douchebag around to make me feel bad for “babying” the baby. Enjoy and absorb every minute with your new love. Congrats!!!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  saralou1972

Rock on with your bad self Saralou!

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago

I took a road trip down to Arkansas over Memorial weekend with a friend of 30 years and plan to go back with one of my sons over Labor Day weekend. (I live in MN). Tonight a friend and I are road-tripping to Rochester, MN then on to Winona for the weekend. We will hit the Olmstead county fair just for the heck of it. I love road-tripping – as long as I have the money. I have re-connected with my stbx’s x sister-in-law, which is fabulous! She divorced my stbx’s asshole brother nearly 20 years ago and she is so happy now. I am so happy for her. I have gained new friends – all of which are single (funny how that works, huh?) and they support me in more ways that you can imagine! We are all trying to help eachother through and am thankful I am there for them too! I also re-connected with an old friend who used to be married to my stbx’s best friend, who is also a narc! It is amazing when I talk to these women what they went throught – which is similar to what I am experiencing now. I see the pattern…..addicts/narcs hang with other loser addicts/narcs.

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

Oh yes – I also took a conceal and carry class, applied and got my permit to purchase and purchased a Ruger 9 mil. ๐Ÿ™‚

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

LadyStrange …. Need target practice?!

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

Want that too!! Way to go.

seacurlz
seacurlz
8 years ago

Divorced was finalized December 31, 2014!!! Talk about starting the New Year off with a clean slate. I have since refinanced the house that I loved so much and it’s only in MY name, my business has taken off, I lost 65 lbs, my daughter is happy, I am happy! Yes it was a shitty and sad thing to go through after 12 years with someone you thought was amazing only to find out they aren’t…He walked out on me and our daughter for the OW. What keeps me going is knowing all these wonderful things I’m accomplishing on my own wouldn’t be happening if I was still giving my cheater ex kibbles and worried about him. He’s the OW problem now…and what’s funny…she already came to MY HOUSE to discuss his faults and ask my advice…KEEP YOUR CRAZY AT YOUR HOUSE! Trust they suck and you will keep doing amazing things with your OWN life.

kb
kb
8 years ago
Reply to  seacurlz

This is both funny and pathetic. OW shows up at the XW’s house to ask for relationship advice? “Yo, OW. You knew he was cheating on his wife. You wanted him that badly? You’ve now got him and yeah, it’s that bad!”

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

Man is that fucked up and laughable.

Kimberly
Kimberly
8 years ago
Reply to  seacurlz

Michael – good luck!

Kimberly
Kimberly
8 years ago

I’m doing great 4 years later. Have gone on a trip to Hawaii, Aruba and a Canadian Cruise. Implemented a traditional beach house vacation that I’ll be leaving for in a week or so – same house – same location. Next year I’ll stay there two weeks! I’m supporting my children – I’m refinancing my home, taking care of repairs as needed and doing all the yard work – the yard never looked as good! I take care of the pool opening, covering, cleaning an chemicals and I am thinking of painting the joint in the fall. I’ll have a paint party!

For all you newbies – it takes time, make sure you have a great support system and ASK for help when you need it. You don’t have to do everything all by yourself. Look at it this way – if your neighbor called you for help you’d do it happily wouldn’t you? Well, most people are like that believe it or not – all you have to do is ask.

It really does get better and there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
8 years ago

First, congrats on the book, CL. Chump Nation is ready to buy it and help you promote it, just give us the word. I hope you make some real money on this!

As far as being mighty, even though it’s been really difficult to get here:

At 56 being left destroyed emotionally and financially and not having worked outside the home for ten years I:

Decided suicide attempts would no longer be an option.

Began to volunteer and after a year they offered me a full time job, which I gladly accepted.

Joined a church and forced myself to be active in the kitchen so that people would get to know me. It’s become one of the most importantly places for me, and having God back in my life has helped like no anti-depressant ever did.

Used my therapist and the words on this website, and all of Chump Nation to help me see clearly as I regained a life and reexamined what my core values are and what I want the rest of my life to look like.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
8 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Keep on keeping on, ML! And Tempest. And Daddam. And Nomar, Glad, Roberta, et al. What would we do without Chump Lady?! ๐Ÿ™‚

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

You have earned a Superhero cape, ML!!

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

ML
You are an inspiration for sure.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

Thanks you guys. You leave me speechless. xox

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
8 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

You’ve come so far ML. All great accomplishments!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

You are mighty Moving Liquid! (and one of the kindest people I know)

chumpfor21
chumpfor21
8 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

You’ve been an inspiration to me, ML. In the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep during the first 8 months – I read everything you wrote. Said some prayers for you, for me, and for any chumps just starting out. Hoping you’re still loving that job!
Hugs!

Crimson Comet
Crimson Comet
8 years ago

I separated from my ex and divorced him. I was a shell of myself after nearly 20 years together with him, and the consequences of his emotional and psychological abuse over the years. Despite several debilitating physical conditions, that turn out to be due to stress, and for the most part have gone away.

Right after the separation, I got a part time job after being out of the workforce for 12 yrs. Then after 6 months, I applied for jobs that would pay enough to give me some financial security. I scheduled three interviews for one day. The night before the interviews, I came down with a stomach bug or food poisoning. Threw up, plus the other thing, all night. Didn’t sleep. When the alarm rang, I got the kids up to get ready for school, took a shower, and went to the first interview. Was so nauseous the whole time. Held myself together with everything I could muster. Really couldn’t listen to anyone, all my focus was on looking like I’m listening, and looking happy and enthusiastic. I just couldn’t do the second interview, so I called to postpone it due to illness (and never heard back), and instead, went home to sleep for a couple hours before the 3rd interview in the afternoon. I was still feeling nauseous, but did ok. I actually got hired from the first interview! I’ve been working at this job for over a year now.

DramaFreeMe
DramaFreeMe
8 years ago

Just got back from a four day beach vacation with my kids paid for solely by me. I worked my butt off so that we could be able to get there…and we had the. best. time. Loved every minute of it, even the 10 hour car drive. Came back relaxed, with tons of pictures and happy memories. STBX was supposed to get the kids for one week during the summer. He chose to use his vacation to go to the beach with OW for a week. No mention of doing anything with the kids this summer. But, hey, he comes first, makes no sense to think that he would change now! Just shows that the kids and I are so much better off without him

TimeToGo
TimeToGo
8 years ago

I have my final court date on Monday and am overjoyed to be DONE!!

I finally feel like my happy, positive, joyful self again. No more black cloud dragging me down.

I’ve entitled this the “Summer of ME”

So far I’ve…
*reconnected with friends and family
*worked out almost every day this summer
*Enjoyed my 2 sons
*Got an adorable puppy
*organized and rearranged my house
*mowed my lawn, planted flowers, and trimmed shrubs
*Packed up all his crap into bags since he won’t take the time to do it
*Started dating someone casually who makes me laugh and makes me feel pretty and fun

He on the other hand…has had an overdrawn bank account each week and immediately started spending the majority of his week with the first person who reached out to him on plenty of fish. 10 year his senior with bright pink lipstick and a nose ring.

I’m SO hopeful for the future!! Yippeee!

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  TimeToGo

It’s all about you now. After Monday comes Tursday. Happy Monday!!’
You did it!

phoebenix
phoebenix
8 years ago
Reply to  TimeToGo

LOL – Timetogo – I named my summer – “summer of me”! Sounds like yours is going great! Way to go!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  TimeToGo

Good luck on Monday!!!!!

Marked711
Marked711
8 years ago

I don’t feel mighty, but I know from what friends tell me I am. I still have a long road ahead.

2014 – After surviving the nuclear explosion of her DDays, I took my proceeds of our house sale and bought a 1 bedroom condo in River City in downtown Chicago. I’ve always loved this place because it has it’s own marina under the building on the Chicago river.

I kept my job. She expected me to completely fall apart. I almost did. My therapist said “just show up, they can’t fire you for that and it will get better”.

My adult daughters love me and lived with me for a while before starting their own lives. I took trips with them and one of my nieces. I reconnected with family that I haven’t seen in 25 years. It’s so great to see the people who truly love me.

2015 – I got divorced on January 30th. Got 50-50 on everything but she gets lifetime alimony (Illinois rule if married more than 20+ years). Luckily it’s a formula so if she makes more or I make less, it gets adjusted.

I bought a slip in the marina and bought a used 28′ Carver 2557 to keep there. It’s a dream come true.

For my birthday, next month, I’m taking my girls to Harry Potter World in Orlando (I know “August!!??!??” you say).

I have almost everything I want out of life. It is better than it has been in the last 30 years. Wow. The only one thing missing is someone special to share it with (my girls are starting their own lives and I’ll always be a part of them). I know, just like my girls love me, I will find someone who will actually love me. Life is 1000 times better, but it will be even better sharing it with someone who appreciates the small things.

I sometimes amaze myself looking back and thinking it’s been less than 2 years since I first found out she was leaving me for one of her high school boyfriends. I guess I am mighty. Thanks CL and CN. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

Keep on boatin on Marked711, sounds lovely! Definitely Mighty!

Shadowfire
Shadowfire
8 years ago

Three years ago I left Europe with a child, a cat, 8 boxes, 3 suitcases, as well as my past, present and possible future in shatters. In this time, I got a good job, helped my son adjust to a new culture and school life to the point that he loves living in the US, did the international divorce pro se and was successful in getting a strong agreement in place that would be difficult to break, and last month we moved into our first house which I was approved for all on my own.

It’s been a busy three years ๐Ÿ™‚

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Shadowfire

You are truly mighty! That is one way to leave someone far, far behind ๐Ÿ™‚

Mehphista
Mehphista
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

Rock on, Shadowfire! I did pretty much the same. Made a huge difference to the kiddo….she is just back from her annual visit to her donor.

Only contact with Mr Fab is currently to do with selling our house (which was being rented for a nice profit, beneficiary our kid, but it wasn’t HIS idea, so he is forcing the sale).

My Mighty today was not entering into the monkey dance with him in dealing with the above. Even though I am now incredibly snarky and pissed off and adrenalized, I could have said.

“Fuckoffyouridiculouscunt! You gave me and your daughter PTSD and her ongoing trust issues and scars. You lied about how long you were fucking my ex sister inlaw while she was pretending to be a neighbor, friend and Auntie. She sent you pictures of her tits in 2010- which I know because our 15 year old kid found them on the phone you loaned her. Along with what you texted back. You swore blind to both of us it was ‘only six months’ when we found out in 2012. So your kid knows you are a lying piece of shit, and thinks your girlfriend looks like Freddie Mercury. You can’t ‘afford’ to pay adequate child support, yet you live rent free with the Downgrade who is likely committing welfare fraud. You spent my pension on drugs, and Kiddo will probably need to sue you for college money….so fuck you and the whore you rode in on.”

But I didn’t. The above is the truth, but a bigger truth is that to get to Meh is going to mean swimming a few more angry laps and not think about these arsewipes.

(not very Meh today)phista

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

Mehphista… The road to Meh is different for everyone and sometimes the detours, bumps, flat tires, broken gas gauges and road blocks allow us the much needed time to work on ourselves. I think the road is different for everyone and at times things like a broken GPS are signs that moving forward is not ideal at that time and if rushed you could miss your exit or drive by it all together. I think what is important is we have the destination how we get there creates the story of the journey. For some it will be a strait shot to Meh… Others will get stuck on the round-about….. Going in circles for awhile.
For awhile i just wanted evrything to feel better ‘ NOW’ and I tried to ignore the flashing engine light….then the car crapped out. Jumped out kicked the tires, slammed my fists on the hood for my stupidity…just wanted to get there. I wasnt prepaered nor willing to do the necessary checks for my journey. I didnt prepare. I jumped in the car pointed toward Meh and floored it. No surprise I was left at the side of the road.
New intinerary…. New plan.I wont be able to predict all the obstacles nor delays but if I take my time, make ready the car and recognize that the detours my take me a bit out of the way ….but I would have never seen nor experienced that part of the road.
And if he jumps in front of my car…. Lets just say he will be wearing tire tracks.

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

Wave when you see me on the road!

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

His girlfriend looks like Freddie Mercury – LMAO

Lina
Lina
8 years ago

Kicked his ass in divorce settlement. Continued caring for my Dad, bought a new car, fixed my washing machine, mow and snow throw, did the garden myself, bought a laptop. Found a new best friend. Adopted three guinea pigs and saw one through surgery. Cut the hedges. Work on my home based business and have lots of new ideas for it.

DK Cross
DK Cross
8 years ago

I’ve had a few low days this week, so in some ways it’s hard to find the mighty.
BUT! About two weeks ago I decided I was going to start doing push-ups in the morning right when I got out of bed. Not push-ups on my knees, either – on my toes push-ups. Today I made it to 30 freaking push-ups!! Pretty proud of that.

Also – making my bed. Every morning, without fail. It was something I tried to do while still with XH, but he rarely bothered. It just makes me feel good knowing my pretty room is looking nice.

zyx321
zyx321
8 years ago
Reply to  DK Cross

Jealous Of the push-ups, good job! As for the bed, ex never liked it when I made the bed and opened the curtains first thing in the morning. It helps me get the day started!

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago
Reply to  DK Cross

Good for you! Little things count, like making the bed. I also do that now, every day. But 30 push-ups? That is totally awesome.

unicornomore
unicornomore
8 years ago

I wasnt as mighty as most of you, I never did find the courage to divorce him even though I should have. When he died (2 3/4 years ago), I decided I had grieved ENOUGH in my horrible marriage and started dating 6 months after he died, took my daughter to London & later to Italy and later my sweet heart took me to Turkey where he proposed.

Perhaps the mightiest thing I did in all of this was my refusal to let him ruin any more of my life. I had lived devoid of love for so much of my marriage and I wanted to try being married to a non-asshole. To do this I had to take chances and be willing to trust. Im still healing from all the abuse, but I decided to not let what he did to me cheat me out of love in the later parts of my life.

Really wonderful potential partners aren’t on every street corner, but they do exist and if you want one, I hope you find one as good as mine.

My life now is seriously better than I ever dreamed possible.

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

“I wanted to try being married to a non-asshole”. YES!!! There is hope after all. I’m so happy for you UNM. Enjoy yourself.

Blown Away
Blown Away
8 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Oh UnicornNM…that is just awesome! Have a wonderful life!!

Chumpita
Chumpita
8 years ago

Congratulations everyone is so mighty here…Letยดs see, my divorce was finalized one month ago, a year and a half after Dday. Since Dday, I have also travelled, remodeled my home, recovered many friends from the past, made awesome new ones,lost weight, regained my health, went on a few dates (latest one very promising, but I am taking it slowly…), received money and help exactly when I needed them,lost only one friend as a consequence from cheaters, helped other people go through their own love situations, learned tons about myself and regained confidence in everything I do, strenghtened my relationships with my daughters, sister and parents, etc.etc..life is so awesome without a cheater!!

Chumpita
Chumpita
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpita

By the way…this is an excellent post for today because it is a Blue Moon…so Chumps out there, take advantage of the “Once in a Blue Moon” situation and make your intentions for the future loud and clear today….

http://dailymuse.spiritlightinsight.com/2015/07/30/prepare-yourself-for-the-blue-moon-july-31-2015/

nomar
nomar
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpita

Channeling my inner 80s folkie here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykKKCqy3gKM

“You act as if it never hurt you at all / Like I’m the only one whose getting up from a fall”

Vivianne
Vivianne
8 years ago

Lots of mighty I posted last time, but this summer I installed a 90 pound window A/C unit with the help of my 10 year old. And this size 14/16 cellulite-thighed 40-something woman is doing a water ballet. Last weekend I was in a bathing suit and glitter, shaking my tatas and kicking my legs in the air in front of a sold out wildly cheering audience with a bunch of fantastically strong women (and a couple of guys). Gonna do it again this weekend.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Vivianne

This is AWESOME!

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago
Reply to  Vivianne

That is beyond awesomeness, Vivianne! Good for you!

zyx321
zyx321
8 years ago

Not feeling mighty at the moment, though I know I have done mighty things the last six months:
–Daughter is still alive after two hospitalizations for severe depression and a suicide attempt. Depression seems to be gone!
–ex took me to court (two years post divorce finalization!) I tried to compromise, and in the end I got what I wanted (more child support, and daughter is not required to see him if she does not want to).
— was promoted at work and earned a well deserved raise
— removed two disgusting dead possums from a large planter…who knows how they got in there, and what happened
— this weekend I am finally painting part of the house which ex promised to do, and never did…)

So, why do I not feel mighty?
–I was injured and could not exercise for the past year, and regained all the lost weight, and then some! And at my age, it is not coming off ๐Ÿ™
I can workout again, so I am working on it, but it is very slow going. I refuse to buy more clothes!
— work project has taken longer to complete than expected, so I have not felt like I had a real summer, in “on call” mode every day.
— I was finally ready to socialize and do some fun things, and now I cannot leave my daughter alone for long.
— daughters depression has been replaced by severe anxiety. She is a teenager, and triggers appear to be when she has to do something she does not want to do– such as get off the electronics, or when she has to go with me to do something I am really looking forward to doing.

Sigh. I know this to shall pass, but I admit at three years post separation, two yrs. post divorce finalization , I had hoped to have met a sweet guy….or at least to have been socializing!
Oh, well. Goal for this next year, I guess.

zyx321
zyx321
8 years ago
Reply to  zyx321

you guys are are so sweet! CL, thx for taking the time to comment with book deadline looming.
Weekend ended well– finished my painting, and pushed daughter out the door to go to the movies with a friend! three hours alone, woohoo!

NewMeme
NewMeme
8 years ago
Reply to  zyx321

xyz, I’ve been reading here for a while and you’ve had a long road. To see your child suffer is the worst thing in the world – healing thoughts to you and your daughter – you are both mighty!

Mehphista
Mehphista
8 years ago
Reply to  zyx321

Megahugs! being the sane/ only parent is a long trek. You are mighty Mighty!

tony
tony
8 years ago
Reply to  zyx321

I hope you can at least take yourself out for a nice dinner sometime…

zyx321
zyx321
8 years ago
Reply to  zyx321

Sorry I did not follow directions and added the negative part… Would delete it if I could!

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  zyx321

ZYX

Being strong for your daughter is mighty indeed.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  zyx321

Jedi Hugs Zyx, you did some Mighty things in there ya know? Keep them in mind and roll on!

Jules
Jules
8 years ago

Congrats on the book….love the cover! For me, I started a new job, started dating a really nice guy, exercising, taking time for me, but most important, I can look in the mirror and like what I see! First time in a long, long time!! Thank you CL for all the support you give us daily!! Could not have got to this point without you!

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago

Been about 3.5 years since D-day so still making progress. Took up playing the drums, joined a public speaking group and won Best Speech of the Night with my latest one. Thinking about entering an international speech contest in the fall. Bought a house and am proud of the way I take care of it. Lost 15 lb. Became closer to my parents and siblings, took the plunge and started dating again. Rediscovered my love for dancing with my boyfriend, he loves music as much as I do. Feel more like myself, no more anxiety or depression. Getting stronger every day.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
8 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Lyn, having followed your story for a long while now, this all makes me very happy! It sounds like you have found yourself again.
Powerful woman!

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  FreeWoman

Lyn
When I read about how mighty you are it makes me push harder.

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

๐Ÿ™‚

JC
JC
8 years ago

Since my ex-wife starting cheating two years ago, I:

–Left that ho!
–Filed for divorce.
–Moved to a new home within my means and began reacquiring possessions.
–Finalized divorce.
–Regained the respect of friends and family who saw me wavering in considering staying with a cheating loser.
–Went NC from my ex.
–Traveled to Spain, Peru, and locations throughout the West (Zion National Park, Sequoia-Kings Canyon National Park, Columbia River Gorge, Mammoth, Mono Lake…even Disneyland).
–Completed my MBA at night while continuing to work full time.
–Paid off my student loans and began saving again for both the short- and long-term (never a forte of the ex).
–Earned a salary increase of 40% through a series of promotions.
–Dated.
–Accepted what my life is, what it isn’t, and what I can make of it now based on the decisions I’ve made so far.
–Served on jury for a month-long trial while still getting my work done at night (surprisingly rewarding).
–Went NC from my former in-laws and ex’s friends (why keep in touch with people who think my ex is a good person and we were “equally at fault” in the destruction of my marriage?).
–Progressed into a long-term relationship with a sexy, smart, quirky, caring, conscientious woman who (like myself) is prone to putting the needs of others before her own.
–Was sought out by a headhunter for a new job in a new city nearby, to which I’m preparing to move.
–Am comfortable talking with my girlfriend about a future together, even though I’m not yet ready to “do it all over again.”

That’s the highlights.

And I admit, I used to get a satisfaction in hearing through third-party channels that my ex wasn’t doing that well, was still dating her AP (who was cheating on his wife with my ex), was still living in our same marital home and having the same conversations and same live-in-the-moment short-term goals as she had 10 years ago.

But now, I don’t get much satisfaction out of looking back and seeing her flounder. That’s her life to deal with. It feels pretty “Meh.” I can’t say I’m at 100% Meh yet, but I feel close.

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  JC

Dang! You go, JC! Really glad to hear that it’s possible to have a relationship of consequence after so much destruction from that douchebag. Good luck with the new job, too! =D

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago
Reply to  JC

Thanks for that message from the shores of Meh! You have totally risen like a phoenix from the ashes. Inspiring.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago

He demanded 50% custody of the kids. I demanded a court appointed custody evaluator. The evaluator said he was an abuser and gave him very limited time with the kids. The kids are so relieved. Both me and my kids are mighty for standing up to a scary bully.

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

Nicole S – I am SOOO glad you did that for your children. I’m sick of courts making decisions on behalf of children and “parents,” some of whom can’t even take care of themselves! Way to go and fight back for them, and for your sanity. I’m doing the same thing right now, post divorce. Whatever it takes to keep them insulated – that’s what I’m all about now.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago

Yes KibbleFree I was told by my own lawyer that 50/50 was so prominent in my state to not hope for much more but I did everything I could and prayed and prayed. My ex got the kids 8 hours every other Saturday and that is it. I also gave him one dinner a week with our boys, but no overnights at all. The boys have said that is more than enough time with their father. My ex is now overly nice to me. His mask is back on firmly in place so that he can get more time with his kids. We all see right through it. Hang in there, keep at it, and I will pray for you and your kids that your fight pays off as well as mine did.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

MIghty as hell Nicole! Jedi Hugs and so glad you got some justice!

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Thank you!!!

tony
tony
8 years ago

I became the final judge in the all-county wet t-shirt contest.

It’s been a long, hard, wet American summer…

kb
kb
8 years ago