Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck Face Divorce Rumors
Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are rumored to be getting a divorce. They’ve been married since donkey’s ears — July 2022.
What are you saying, Tracy? That a nanny-schtupping alcoholic who can’t balance coffee will soon be on the market?
Stand in line, ladies.
I can’t imagine what the source of friction could be. Ben’s a supportive guy, like in this Instagram video above, where he continues to tell JLo that she’s old but he “loves” that she wants to play younger. “Well, technically, you aren’t 28,” Ben points out helpfully.
“You’re an idiot,” Jen reminds him.
What’s going on here? Has twu wuv gone splat?
We were promised a new and improved Ben Affleck!
The man has a phoenix rising tattoo! He consciously uncoupled from ex-wife Jennifer Garner. Just because he blames her for his addiction issues, doesn’t mean they can’t be friendly for the children.
Is Ben hitting the tipple again? His recent roast of Tom Brady was a Drunk Uncle masterclass in incoherence.
Then he skipped the Met Gala, that his wife was co-chairing. It’s probably best he didn’t attend, lest he accost some young show runner and bellow “BACK IN THE DAY WE HAD FANS! NOT &^$%# KEYBOARDISTS AT CARWASHES!” Still, you know, he could’ve kept up appearances. Supposedly he’s an actor. They fake emotions for a living.
What happened to wedded bliss?
In 2022 People magazine covered the marriage ceremony. The pink roses, the creepy Georgian plantation, the vows of forever.
In her On the JLo newsletter Thursday, Lopez — who wore a white Ralph Lauren gown with a long, flowing train and veil at the weekend ceremony — offered a play-by-play of the day from the moment she walked down the “aisle that would lead me toward the rest of my life.”
“When he saw me appear at the top of the stairs that moment it both made absolute sense while seeming still impossibly hard to believe, like the best dream, where all you want is never to awaken,” she wrote. “I would have had many of the same thoughts probably had I not been focusing so hard on not tripping over my dress, but when I got close enough to see his face, it made the same wonderful sense to me.”
Added Lopez, “Some old wounds were healed that day and the weight of the past finally lifted off our shoulders. Full-circle — and not at all the way we planned it. Better.”
Lopez shared a quote from Affleck’s 2016 movie Live By Night that resonated with her — and that he included in a speech at their reception: “This is heaven. Right Here. We’re in it now.”
Right here, right now they’re in marriage counseling.
Ben doesn’t like therapy.
According to InTouch, shrinkage is not Ben’s favorite thing.
Jennifer Lopez may have convinced husband Ben Affleck to do therapy, but he’s participating with an extremely heavy heart. An insider exclusively tells In Touch that therapy is messing with Ben’s head and actually doing more harm than good.
Accountability is crushing. Alcoholism not so much.
“Ben believes in therapy, to a point, and is willing to be a good sport about participating with an open mind, even though he hates the whole humiliating process,” a source reveals to In Touch. “He’s never going to gauge the success of this marriage by what happens in the therapist’s office. He also has a higher tolerance for conflict and having to fight to get his way than the average guy.”
Charming. I can sense the character transplant. Those rising phoenix tattoos work miracles.
After the insider notes that they have known Ben, 51, for “more than ten years,” they explained that “everything is a fight” for the Gone Girl actor and Jennifer, 54.
Then you can imagine how much he’s going to enjoy divorce litigation from a woman with a $400 million fortune.
But maybe it won’t come to that. Paging Esther Perel! Can you help Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck avoid divorce and make their marriage stronger? Like you did with Will and Jada Smith? Oh… um.
****
Your Friday Challenge is to share other Twu Wuv circus tents of impression management that went splat. Did your ex’s affair with his Facebook high school crush come to a bad end? Or weigh in on the odds that this Beniffer marriage will go the distance.
Checking in on an 83 year old “forner serial cheater” for my sweet friend who was out of town. He’s home alone. I text a check in and get a text back of how unemotional my friend,his wife is and how their marriage no longer has Pizazz!!!! This from a man.who can barely walk, who has been nursed by my friend out of incoherent head injuries from multiple falls and bleeding events. I froze reading this text and answered him with a good night. I did my job. The hook of cheaters is complaining about their wives and yet USING them as nurses, doctors, sex workers, and mommy. I’m single now and trained like a hunting dog by Tracy to see, hear and feel Cheaters. Jo lo Ben and any other combination is a recipe for a beautiful wedding and a huge disappointment. As Tracy says they don’t get character transplants.
.even at 83.
Who has the energy and lack of decency to complain about your spouse at age 83? To her FRIEND!? Even I know you don’t complain about someone to their loved ones. And at age 83, moaning about a relationship lacking pizazz… Sir, you’re a cheater. You’re the reason it lacks pizazz. Nothing kills intimacy like a FW. And you’re 83. 83!
Chump domain cleric- another story..my breast was grabbed as I helped my girlfriends husband to the commode days before his death and he was on hospice. I was a nurse so just helping! This other cheaters spoke of, though reformed now that his helicopter has landed, has always complained about his wife to me …behind her back, but in person he Praises her. I never KNEW the patten till Tracy Turned on the light and now I see. Years ago I gave counseling to this guy and others, yes I did. Never ever was I an OW to any man but I behaved as a nurturer on a high horse. If they are complaining about their spouse to you this is a well worn hook 🪝for cheaters as they shop for a mark. I just never knew
The patterns is so engrained that he couldn’t change it if he wanted to. Even if this old goat is completely non-functional, his whole way of interacting with other women is to try to gain sympathy (and whatever) by talking about how awful his wife is. And as women, we should NOT LISTEN TO THIS BULLSHIT. Any man who wants to complain about his wife to some other woman is inherently disloyal. And the same would go for a woman complaining about her husband to other men. That is someone who is inherently disloyal and manipulative.
Mehitable, years ago listened to this guy!!! Always about his wife and then compliments to me!! Wow,I had no idea it was a pattern PLUS I was a Chump deluxe. ” Everyone needs my advice, me married to an underground creep!! I knew nothing and hooked in as these cheaters go.. I’m better than his wife I think. I am appalled at my thoughts now!! I was basted and put in the cheater oven for kibbles only!!!!! Oh my Lord!! It is q moth to the flame and they are skilled!! No, this geezer didn’t get me but I was sympathetic!! No way now. I’m babysitting him and I love his wife. She sees it and does not care. She kept – KEEPS him central. He was a great actor and still is!!!!!!. I am learning but didn’t have a Tracy Map!!! I feel terrible now but forward I go!!!
“I was basted and put in the cheater oven for kibbles only!!!!!” This image made me chuckle.
“The hook of cheaters is complaining about their wives and yet USING them as nurses, doctors, sex workers, and mommy”. This can apply to both genders….but exactly! I know my freaking ex bitched about me to whomever would listen. Another reason why I loathe him. #backstabber
Backstabber is the best description. I doubt seriously he degraded me to our friends or anyone else besides the whore. Not because he had any scruples, but he knew he wouldn’t be believed. Folks knew us both well, and I assume he knew he was going to drop kick me and complaining to his friends then bringing the town whore out of the alley would look bad. Also, he still needed me in place until he got his full status.
He was many things but not an idiot. However, I know he complained to me to the whore. The day he left I flat out ask him, did you run me down to her. He said “What was I supposed to say, oh my wife is great, that is why I am here with you” and he gave a shrug like no big deal it had to be done.
Abusers despise the people they use, even when the victim inevitably makes their lives better in every way. They don’t appreciate anything or anybody. It’s never failed to amaze me.
Without Chump lady tracing out the cheater tactics, I would have just felt sorry for this cheater guy, thinking I was special for him to confide in little ol me about his awful wife. But now I know it is a pattern…a hook to see who will take his sad sausage story in and start giving advice …like i USED TO DO because a GUY looked to ME for help with his marriage. Once he hooks you with the sad facts of his marriage hrs got a source of kibbles however weak. Now that i.am single and I know my XHC talked to a whole church congregation about my PTSD and how he HAD TO cheat to take care of his needs….hey, he’d been talking about me for years and years. He had his cheater story ready to blast over the PA s
I do sometimes wonder why some people bother getting married at all. The statement that “Everything is a fight” sort of indicates that they’ve lost sight of the whole “it’s the pair of you against the problem and not the pair of you against each other” thing.
And as for the whole “impression management” thing ….. there was that time that the now Ex-Mrs LFTT went “FB official” with her AP on her public FB profile. I am sure that the “FB Likes” fed her ego in just the way that she needed it to be fed. The fact that she was still married to me when she posted it, that it stated that their relationship had started before she’d left the kids and I and (and this is the best bit) that she was still denying having had an affair or being in any kind of relationship well after she posted it went down like a cup of cold sick with her Legal Team and the Judge in our Divorce case. My Legal team were just crying with laughter; apparently every lawyer just loves having an opposing counsel who has a moron for a client.
LFTT
I guess they can’t resist crowing about their new trophy.
M,
If you want to crow, then go ahead and crow …… it’s just that you should remember all of the things that you’ve been crowing about and be careful that you don’t tell the judge things that your public crowing shows are lies. Judges take a dim view of that sh*t.
LFTT
The kersplat has not happened yet. I suspect klootzak’s relationship with AP (harem queen – the one my PI caught him with) will end as soon as he no longer needs her to behave nicely in her deposition for our divorce case. Once the ink is dry, things will wither and die fast. I know because he has other APs he is chatting up.
Anyway, he calls AP a lot after DS has been put to bed. The conversation? The few times I have heard and not put in ear buds to listen to music while I read, it is a lot of klootzak talking about his work. His work and how great he is at it. Then when he shuts up about work, she must prattle on for 10 straight minutes about who knows what (he stopped putting her on speakerphone like he used to) and he just sits there for long stretches with an occasional grunt or “uh huh.” And then it ends.
The last calls I heard a month or so ago, there was no “I love you,” at the end like there used to be. The sparkles are wearing off. He still goes and stays by her for multi-day stretches because, hey, she still has orifices to use. And he doesn’t want her becoming a hostile witness. But wow, I am so glad to not have to sit through him talking about his job and how wonderful he is every day. I would rather watch paint dry. Klootzak truly is so shallow. The only things he has to talk about are work and what he cooked DS for dinner on nights he cooks their dinner. What a bore.
It sounds like you have an in-house separation? My deepest sympathies on that, ugh.
Yes and no. I filed in October 2023 and klootzak refuses to leave so I have separated myself in-house because I can’t stand his face. lol Conference with a judge is coming up this summer. Since I had no evidence that klootzak has been violent such that I could get a RO, this situation is allowed to persist it seems. It’s a crock.
Awful! So sorry. Hang in there!
Ugh, been there; it’s the worst. I filed in October 2022 and he refused to leave till June 2023. No violence, and at the time the house was in play, so I couldn’t force him out and I couldn’t afford to leave. The only thing I could’ve done would be to take my daughter to stay with my parents but his lawyer threatened they would fight for full custody if I took her out of the county. (my parents live in another county, about 90 minutes away.)
“This Is Me … Now”
That is the title of Jennifer Lopez’ latest
impression managementmulti-media tour de force, and the whole subject is this relationship. The tour didn’t sell, so she had to re-brand it as a greatest hits show.Imagine spending millions to convince everyone — not even two years in — that you have your happy-ever-after. I mean, why? If you’re happy, why the need to convince others? Of course we know the answer …. a bottomless craving for kibbles.
How cruel you all are being towards these fantastic people! They are the epitome of humanity! They are better than us! They are more than human! They are: FUCKWITS FOREVER!!!
(With apologies to The Chicago Manual of Style. !!!😁)
Fw told me and anyone who would listen that he’d never been happier than he was with ap, the best decision he had ever made was divorcing me.. He and ap had so much in common! Fw met a new friend at a breast cancer walk that was being held near his apartment. It didn’t matter that she was married, they were just “friends.” He’d refer to her as my “friend” Alison. Surprisingly he and the original ap weren’t getting along, suddenly fighting all the time. Meanwhile, fw and his “friend” Alison were spending more time together. Secretly running marathons out of town on weekends, joined running clubs in nearby towns so they had an excuse to see each other during the week without anyone they knew seeing them together. Eventually true love took over and fw’s “friend” Alison divorced her husband. Fw had never been happier.., The same week Alison’s divorce became final, Alison and fw got married. Fw’s son was living with fw. His son at the time was going to college full time and working full time. Alison didn’t like that fw’s son lived in the same house with her and fw. Like the great Dad he is, fw made his son move out and Alison’s daughter moved in. Fw and Alison no longer members of running clubs, and no longer run marathons. Not sure how the marriage is holding up. I can only imagine. Fw and Alison are both self centered and selfish, they have that in common. Fw is who he is, so there’s that. I hope they’re miserable.
“Like the great Dad he is, fw made his son move out and Alison’s daughter moved in.”
😡 Son of a bitch!
It always astounds me that people prefer these garbage APs to THEIR OWN CHILDREN and will even push AP’s child(ren) ahead of their own. I do hope his son remembers this always in the future and treats “Dad” accordingly.
I wonder if the running wears off when the sparkles wear off. lol Sadly, I have come to associate running with cheaters. (Anyone remember George Clooney in Burn After Reading? Totally reminds me of klootzak.) Many of klootzak’s APs have been runners, too. It’s sad because I like running solitary for fitness. Klootzak had to have medals and photos to post everywhere but I just liked my quiet and my running. He always wanted to run with me which was annoying as he would run much faster than me and constantly try to tell me what I was doing wrong. Running with him was a pain. So I started avoiding it altogether. And then yes… he would always have to fly to other places to run with other people (now I know what I didn’t know then).
I feel the same way. It’s like mediation for me.
When he was trying desperately to impress the AP (unbeknownst to me) my FW wanted to enter marathons and was determined to do so, despite having a bad knee. He tried running off of a treadmill just once and nearly crippled himself. I had previously warned him how much harder asphalt is and that with a bad knee it was not a good idea to try marathon running. I was good enough not to say I told him so, but I did secretly have a chuckle to myself at his expense.
I sometimes wonder if the current pickleball craze is driven by cheating too on the part of many.
Ugh. Reminds me of the joys of running with my exercise-obsessed ex who had a high opinion of his own physique. One time, I was struggling up a hill on a hot summer day. He ran ahead then doubled back to lob this insult: “Maybe if you lost five pounds, this hill wouldn’t be so hard.” I ran 3-5 miles a day and was a size 4. 😡
This is the same asshole who, upon seeing his nephew’s AP for the first time, said (in earshot of both of our daughters, one of whom is a former anorexic), “She’s not even thin.” WTF?
Ooooh, I know that would have triggered my own ED. I hope your daughter is okay.
Also, that’s so cruel to say to anyone, but especially your wife! I’m so sorry he said those awful things to you. I hope you’re doing much better now.
Does anyone know why so many FWs take up running? I don’t think most runners are FWs, but most FWs seem to have a running phase.
What an absolute dick. Your poor daughters. Poor YOU. You were in great shape and couldn’t even be allowed to enjoy it. I hope it didn’t ruin fitness for you. It kinda did for me, and I feel conflicted about it now, even if it’s for my own health and nothing to do with weight/looks.
I note the word “physique.” My ex FW used that word about himself and it made me 🤮
Ugh. I’m sorry. They do a number on us, don’t they?
One other super dickish thing he said to one daughter not long after the younger one was in treatment for an eating disorder: “Are you putting that carrot in your mouth because you’re hungry, or do you just like putting things in your mouth?” Unbelievable!
When he I discovered the affair, and he said he thought he’d be happier with her (after 35 years of a mirage–thanks, VH), I felt unworthy, discarded, unlovable, unattractive, and inferior. At one really low point a few weeks after D-Day, I considered ending my life.
Now I look back and can’t believe I let a total FW be the arbiter of my worth.
p.s. It’s no surprise that his adult children are NC. I mean, my god.
“It’s no surprise that his adult children are NC. I mean, my god.”
And despite the hell you were going through, you raised them right ❤️
Awww thanks
After my own mess, I saw more clearly that telling the world that your relationship is glorious is overrated. Enjoy it if you have it and don’t make it a huge show. If you feel the need to make it a big show, maybe it isn’t really glorious.
I’m sorry Jennifer and Ben, but your behind-the-scenes was always a mess, and now you’re apparently headed for splitsville. So it goes.
I’ve learned not to trust couples who are loud about their marriages in the press or social media and need to keep reminding everybody how good it supposedly is. The bigger the front, the more they’re hiding, in my experience.
One of my favorite books on relationships is Earnie Larsen’s Stage II Relationships: Love Beyond Addiction. I got my copy in 1988 and it’s a powerful little goldmine of wisdom. In it, he says that relationships are a skill and when relationships fail it’s because the people in them do not have or are unwilling to learn the skills for success. I agree with him.
In my own case, Traitor Ex agreed to go with me to counseling to learn the skills. That was music to my ears, having grown up without them modeled to me. I actually told him I wanted to be with someone who wanted to learn to do relationships well or I did not want to bother. I did not and/or could not see that his participation was a charade.
A marriage between a straight shooter and a liar/cheater/thief/criminal is destined to fail.
Of course we are not compatible. How can there be compatibility between me and someone who is a walking talking breathing lie about what they feel, what they think, what they are doing, who they are doing it with, who they are? Lying skews EVERYTHING so NOTHING is right. This means even the affair partners they get together with aren’t right. The right thing happening can only come from truth.
I knew JLo’s MIL No 2 from her marriage to Chris Judd. She did not have good things to say about JLo.
It seems to me that Bennifer do not have the skills for success. And the definition of insanity, doing the same thing and expecting different results, is what happening here.
Both attorneys decided late in the negotiations that I had to be a saint to have stayed so long because my ex was such a monster and dumpster fire. Well, I stayed primarily because of religious guilt and fear, but I appreciated the compliment.
But an empathetic, trusting soul like me shouldn’t be with a manipulative liar anyway. That doesn’t even begin to work out.
I looked the book up & it has many recommendations. I bought it for kindle to read! Thanks for the suggestion! I may not be actively looking for a relationship but maybe it’ll come in handy sometime 😉
It’s good information that can be applied to any relationship, IMHO, and I practice what I’ve learned from it. Sadly, Traitor Ex’s participation in my life was insincere and deceitful. After finding out about the Asian escort service he’s running with the Craigslist cockroach, I have come to believe I was possibly a disguise for a degenerate sexual double life.
😪
“In lying, one is identifying the other as one’s opponent, even one’s enemy. In marriage intimacy is developed through confessions, explanations, and soul searchings. But of course intimacy involves equality, and people who are telling lies are not seeking any aspect of intimacy, especially equality. Liars are hoping for advantage, which will be produced by disorienting and distracting the other person. The liar is stepping outside the relationship. The lie may be a greater betrayal of the relationship than the misdeed being lied about. It takes very little misinformation to disorient and destroy a relationship. I often point out to people that if I gave them detailed instructions on how to go from Atlanta to New York City, and threw in only one left turn that was a lie, they would end up in Oklahoma.”
-Dr. Frank Pittman
Private Lies
(p. 59)
Affairs are relationships with lying baked in.
If the goal is a better relationship, you could not make a dumber choice than a cheater or a side piece.
Leave the relationship idiots to each other and hold out for character and integrity….and polish your own…..
VH, awesome quote! And thanks so much for turning me on to Dr. Pittman and his book!
I especially appreciate this wisdom: “Liars are hoping for advantage, which will be produced by disorienting and distracting the other person…It takes very little misinformation to disorient and destroy a relationship.”
My ex, who insisted he only lied about “one thing” (every day for almost 3 years), will never know how much his lying gave him an advantage and destroyed our relationship. And he couldn’t possibly appreciate how disorienting it’s been for me. Even now, almost 5 years out, I still question things he said and did and wonder if they were real. The trauma of it all persists.
My original therapist did workshops with Dr Pittman, which is how I found out about him. In his other book, Grow Up!, he writes that he tells cheaters, “YOU are what is wrong with your marriage.”
Love you and glad to see you here, Spinach!
Here’s another one from a therapist of 30 years…
“First, accept the fact that your view of your lover and your spouse are both skewed. Things always seem great with the lover, it’s always so romantic and sexy, special, sporadic and, most of all, new and exciting. But guess what? New gets old. I wish I had a nickel for everyone who married their lover and found they replicated what they had with their spouse, with the added poverty of a post-divorce lifestyle. And in the same way, spouses are usually not as bad as they seem. After all, the person who is cheating is withdrawing energy from their marriage and has alleviated their guilt by bad-mouthing or bad-thinking their spouse. But when people work on their marriage and put the lover by the wayside, they’re often very surprised at how much things can improve. Another piece of advice I’d say is, lovers are often little more than the crowbar you needed to get out of your marriage, but you don’t need to marry the crowbar. That’s a mistake a lot of people make. They feel so guilty, they then marry the person they had the affair with.“
I’m currently watching the Ashley Madison documentary on Netflix. With a glass of Pepto Bismol. What a bunch of losers.
Ashley Madison users were UPSET and OUTRAGED that their data was breached! They TRUSTED Ashley Madison!!!!!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Ah…the irony!
Of course I don’t have the whole picture, but this is what I’ve been able to piece together. FW and AP started up. At least one month, but who knows how long actually later, out of the blue she tells me she’s not happy and wants a divorce. I’m shocked and devastated, and dancing like crazy. She is extremely cold and self righteous towards me, never losing an opportunity to tell me all of my faults and how this is all my fault. I see her self confidence explode, and wonder about it, but I’m unable to put 2 and 2 together. During this time she says she wants a divorce, but is happy to stay at the house, not paying any bills, not making any effort towards divorce, and spending all of her money on clothes, shoes, her hair, jewelry, and unknown to me at the time lingerie and motel stays. Two months later her attitude suddenly changes, she is not as happy or excited. Shortly after that was D-Day. I found out he told her they were done, and he was staying with his wife. After D-Day, like many of us I scoured her social media, including a new tic tok account I had no idea she had. During the period of discard I was appalled with the things she was posting and liking. Not only about her new twu luv, but how your past wasn’t a life sentence, and how she didn’t regret the past but wish she had left some things at hello. Awesome things to read from your wife of 30 years.
But the karma of him casually discarding her took a small amount of the sting out.
After 30 years, I hope you’re out and well on your way to Meh. 30 years (and more) with a liar and a cheater has a tendency to make you doubt nearly your whole understanding of people. I’m divorced a little over 9 years from my 30-year marriage. I met him as a young naive trusting girl (22), married at 24, and spent 30 years pick me dancing trying to make him happy. After his 15-year affair with his AP (who was also married 35 years), I was devastated at the time of my divorce. He went on to marry his twu luv. I honestly believe he did it to prove to our children that he wouldn’t have fucked up their lives if it hadn’t had been twu luv. I understand from one of my sons that his life is not that happy now. I don’t care and actually get a little schadenfreude. But mostly, I think it’s so, so sad that liars care only about themselves and none of the people whose lives they affect by their self absorption. It’s all about them. It has always been all about them, and it will always be all about them until they die. If you’re not yet at Meh, someday you will be and you may also feel sadness for the person your ‘wife of 30 years’ truly is. It will always be all about her. I am so glad that the fuckwit is no longer my problem. Will our children ever realize that their dad is a flawed human being? I think they found that out years ago. But they love him because he is their dad, and they still include him in their lives regularly. It bothered me initially. I would stew (not telling them how I felt) thinking, “How could you accept that dick? After all that you knew he did to me?!! And his skank into your lives???!!!” But since then I’ve realized that it’s not that they accepted any of his ugliness that he caused me or the loss of our family. They know that he has done dickish things, especially to their mother. But the tie that a child has for his/her parent is very strong. I’ve learned to realize that they just enjoy the good that he does, and as long as he is no longer hurting their mother, they’ll just accept his skank as an appendage in order to keep the peace. I’ve come to realize that while on this earth, I may never experience karma in the sense that he will get his just rewards. In fact, the older he gets, he’s not likely to leave the wifetress because it’s not easy to start over when you’re old. Your health sucks (at least mine is starting to suck.) Your knees hurt, your heart has issues, you have high blood pressure. For a man, high blood pressure has a tendency to affect a pertinent organ making it difficult to be as ‘manly’. I can see where my ex will just stay in his miserable marriage with his wifetress till he dies for a few reasons. To ensure someone is there to help him the older he gets (wipe his butt, cook him dinner, etc.) and because it’s too much work to buy another house, furniture, plumbing, roof, and all other things associated with a new life. The older you get, the less motivated you are to do anything about your circumstances. They have a tendency to be miserable because they are miserable people down to their core. If you are not yet at Meh, please know and be content that when you’re finally there, that you can spend the next 30 years no longer playing mind games. They truly do suck. I cannot reiterate enough what Chumplady says: “Trust that they suck.”
Did he continue to pay for his kids’ needs? Mine has not sent a penny to pay for food, clothes, etc for years! And does not try to see them. I don’t even know what to say to my kids about it, and they find it so distressing to talk about. It’s just a big, horrible, blasted hole that we all agree to ignore because we don’t have the words.And all their love for their dad has nowhere to go.
As financially difficult as this is for you, and I honestly cannot imagine your struggles, it’s better that he is not in your life. My children were well on their own making their way in life (mid twenties) at the time of my divorce. Child support was not an issue. Additionally, it was more advantageous for me not to claim spousal support. I did not have to worry about receiving any money from my ex at all. I essentially dropped off of his radar which in itself was a mindfuck. I had just spent 30 years of my life with this man and I felt worthless to be dropped like a hot potato. Eventually, with lots of therapy, I realized my worth had nothing to do with whether or not a fuckwit recognized it. I was a good, decent human being in my own right (thanks be to God). I cannot imagine how you explain the absence of their father to your children. I can only caution you not to focus on his absence, as extremely difficult as it is, and be the love they need. You only have one chance in life to bring up your children to be decent, loving, respectful children. If you don’t do it right, even if you have to do it alone, you will never get another chance. Respect goes two ways. Respect their crises, honor their feelings, love them, and be honest with them. I have the feeling that your children are still very young. So tell them that you just don’t know why people do the things that they do, but that does not mean it has anything to do with them. Tell them that their job is to be happy in spite of the bad things that others do. Happiness is a choice. Tell them that they can either let the bad things affect them, and subsequently make everyone else around them miserable, or they can choose to be happy despite the bad things. With you as their only example, it’s much better than having a fuckwit giving them screwed up notions of what’s right or wrong. I will pray for you to have peace and security. Those are the things that you need right now. May God bless you at this very difficult time.
They are not very young, they are 17 and 21. I agree with your advice, that’s close to what I tell them and what I do. I try to model a healthy example for them. It helps me keep putting one foot in front of the other, too. He is focusing on the minor child just as a tool for legal leverage while he has brutally discarded the older one. He left three years ago. Thank you so much for praying for me.
He doesn’t come to see them or send any money for them, or tell them where he is or what he’s doing, ever (!), but he emails them two-sentence emails now and then and writes “I love you”, defying them to confront him and forcing them to pretend along with him that he is a normal. loving dad.. (He never calls them on the phone because he wouldn’t be able to control the dialogue, and he’s only interested in what’s in writing, because he’s writing in order to bolster his legal case.) They write back and are polite and gracious while he is gaslighting them with such callousness. It breaks my heart that they are decent and measured with him. In a good way, I suppose. But breaks my heart.
He also has persuaded their grandmother and their aunt and uncle and family friends not to have anything to do with them! Not only did he desert them but he ripped away their family with him.
He did not rip their family from them. The family did it themselves. If they had been decent loving people, they would have kept your children in their lives in spite of their fuckwit son, nephew, whatever. That was another huge blow to my self esteem. When I finally couldn’t take it anymore and divorced the fuckwit in my life, his family, to include his mother who I’d taken to church Sunday mornings for years, decided to write me off. When I wanted to visit her, my mother-in-law for the last 30 years said, ‘No. You’d just be causing trouble.’ I was flabbergasted, confused, and extremely hurt. All I could do over and over again was wonder, “What did I do wrong?!” With time and healing, I finally realized that I had done nothing wrong. The fuckwit and the family he came from are all broken and messed up people. I had so much anguish over my divorce and so much anguish immediately after my divorce, that had I not been secure in my belief that God loved me even when nobody else did, that I might have taken my own life just to stop the pain. Years later, I cannot be but grateful for my faith, and to think that I would have killed myself over a fuckwit?! Now I realize that all those people are to be pitied, but I’m done with them. I’ll pray for them, but I’m no longer putting myself in a position to be used and abused by anybody. I’m a good person. If others do not realize it and accept me for who I am (I do not hurt others and am always respectful), then I’m of the opinion that it is their loss. I have more important people in my life. I no longer take my value from other people’s inability to recognize it. Your fuckwit needs prayers because when he dies, God isn’t going to let him get away with any of the stuff that he’s doing now. “It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.”
You’re absolutely right, they are a majorly disordered family. I don’t pity them, though,, the way I don’t pity mongooses or poisonous spiders.
Thank you so much, Amazon Chump!!
I think Jen likes the wedding part, but the marriage part not so much. Ben seems like a guy who should just remain a bachelor. It’s too bad that some folks don’t know themselves better & insist on creating a life that entangles themselves & others.
I don’t know about Lopez, but I think “Affect” is a total flaming asshole. That’s a life sentence.
I think JLo was so hurt and publicly embarrassed by what happened the first time around with him, and she really felt getting married now was going to reverse all that.
She’s a rich, beautiful, successful and famous woman who could have anyone she wants and she still chose a guy that cheated on her right before their wedding and who then went on to cheat on his wife, Jennifer Garner.
She needs a copy of LACGAL, stat.
I can report first hand that as someone who knew JLo’s second MIL from her marriage to Cris Judd, JLo has some emotional and psychological wiring issues. I don’t doubt her and JLo’s relationship history would support that opinion. She was not very kind to Cris Judd, who could have used a copy of LACGAL….. 😪
I think he’s the type of guy who marries wives with the same first name so he doesn’t have to remember a new one.
If you choose a public FW like Affleck, things will not go well.
Ballbag McGee and the Triffid were true loves- until he cheated yet again and used one of our kids as his accomplice in his skulduggery.
She won’t leave his decrepit ass as that would look bad….
Dickhead McCluggage and his Klingon are still enjoying their black hearted togetherness- I wonder how she’ll cope with our upcoming court sessions when the lies will really unravel.
Time to fire up that popcorn machine and take a comfy seat.
Imagine…..they DELIBERATELY choose someone they KNOW they can’t trust.
Hello, hybristophilia.
Yep- all cut from the same crappy polyester nylon cloth.
Jennifer forgot that he sucked.
It’s my understanding that Jennifer sucks too…
Good to put on a lovely white frock and heal some old wounds and then make way for some brand new ones. Yay!
Also, Ben’s face epitomises that blank face Chris Watts look we were discussing in a thread the other day. The bloke’s got a screw loose.
I think the “reactive attachment disorder” theme in Good Will Hunting in which sparkly genius boy viciously emotionally abuses the girlfriend character in order to ‘sabotage intimacy” was autobiographical on Affleck’s part. Bet he thought that, if — after crying once in some shortlived therapy spree– he could see it in himself and put it on screen, it would exorcise the tendency forever but nope.
If he hasn’t yet been violent to a partner I sense he regularly skirts right up to the brink and it might only be a matter of time before he goes that extra step. He has that whole abusoholic aura. I don’t agree that it’s “mental illness” per se because abusers are typically too wily at evading consequences and reversing blame. But they can eventually drive themselves mad with their own confabulations and blameshifting.
Except Affleck is nowhere near a sparkly genius boy. That part was fantasy.
Lol, yes. I do suspect that, like the character, he likely grew up witnessing and experiencing severe abuse and then retreated into a fantasy of himself as a misunderstood genius. The film was quite a feat considering his age at the time so he wasn’t completely off base thinking he might have a few brain cells to spare. But world class genius? Hmm. Decent writing, at least part of which was contributed by Matt Damon. And then I think the sheer drive to get the film produced probably relates to some feverish need to prove himself more than simply talent.
Like the backstories of all abusers, Affleck’s history probably starts out as tragedy. But the mark of a true survivor is not emulating the worst of what was done to them. In that sense, he’s not a “survivor”– more like an angry poltergeist that keeps trying to make the world pay for its suffering back when he still had a soul.
Also like a lot of abusers, he kind of covers up for his past abuser, writing odes to his dad about the latter’s 30 years of sobriety. But I think this is a case where “forgiveness” is sometimes toxic. Not to mention that someone can recover from alcohol abuse but still remain an “abusoholic.”
Domestic violence researchers have found that imprisoned batterers often lie about or minimize the abuse of their own violent past role models to the extent that the adult abuser has basically modeled themselves on their own abuser (if that makes sense). Basically a lot of batterers won’t cite the specific “sins of the father” that the son subsequently committed, like a self-serving blind spot.
He also has that only two facial expressions thing – either ott smile or nothing. There is no nuance.
OMG he was also in Gone Girl!! Which is the closest book I’ve found to what my ex did to me!! Ben Affleck is projecting/confessing through his projects!
Yeah, American Beauty was Kevin Spacey’s partial confession, except he swapped the gender of the underage target.
If you look at photos of Affleck through the years, he has that characteristic dead-eyed expression often. It creeps me out so much now!
I had an encounter with him when two of my kids were still tiny. I knew someone he was with who stopped to say hi and sort of coo over my toddler and newborn. I won’t go into more specifics but Affleck clearly disliked small children to a weird degree. From the timeline, this would have been soon after he’d had his first with Garner.
My eX’s main hobby of impression management via Gaslighting everyone he knows (his other hobby: sampling escorts) is still a current event. I’m waiting for the splat.
Those two deserve each other. J Lo is a capital C word. Ben is a dick too but at least he has always been a good tipper and been good to people working in the service industry.
When he’s with bitch from the block, she will stop him from tipping more than 10%. She’s actually taken tips because “they don’t deserve that.” Everyone in Las Vegas hates her. There are so many stories of her being a monstrous bitch here. She gets people fired for fun.
It’s been hilarious to see everybody turning on her and realizing how awful she is. We’ve known it here for years.
Also, she is ugly as hell in person and looks as old as my grandmother. Every photo you see of her is airbrushed all to hell.
If anyone needs a chuckle, watch this quick clip of Ben Affleck holding a door for Jennifer Lopez: https://x.com/kenfucknmasters/status/1656332997199527939.
Cheaters don’t improve and never find happiness no matter who they end up with.
I think the chance of the j/b marriage lasting another year is little to nothing.
Aside from that I have oft wondered why these celebs don’t just marry and then after three years throw all their names in a pot and then choose the next partner. Surely at some point two will match that can actually stand each other for more than a couple years.
Like a Celebrity Musical Marriage reality show. Hey…
I dunno… the desperation not to fail again might spend some time beating the desire to quit this mess 🤔
My ex’s teenage daughter found her stash, took a picture of it and circulated it among the relatives. So my ex had her drug-boyfriend move in with her to make everything look “normal and familial” 🤣 and apparently they pretended to be sleeping in separate beds until they got married. The separate bed was the teenage daughter’s bed when the teenage daughter was at her dad’s house. PS, they never got married. I’ve heard way worse but it is hard to imagine what those kids will be like as adults having lived through crazy-town as they did.
I seem to remember reading somewhere that Ben Affleck is unusually intelligent — super super smart. And also that he is very very rich! I always think Jennifer Garner handles herself well while married to/parenting with someone who is unmistakably an alcoholic. Did anyone over 20 read about the JLo marriage and think for one second it would end well?! Surely not. So cringe!
I have come to be wary of highly intelligent, charming people, it’s a red flag now. I tell my kids, when you get that feeling of being intensely drawn in and curious and flattered by a person’s attention? Watch out! Danger!
There’s a difference between truly freakishly intelligent people and those who try to promote themselves as geniuses. The super-geeks I’ve known have always seemed hungry to meet anyone on the same level, almost to the point that, at least while young and inexperienced, they’ll desperately project talent, perceptiveness and intelligence on people who sometimes don’t warrant it. Meanwhile, the kinda-sorta smart mediocrities are much more concerned with pecking order and psyching out anyone they perceive is in competition with them. In short, actual mega-geniuses are always somewhat lonely while the wannabes are more concerned with one-upmanship.
First, these two DESERVE each other. Two biggest narcissists in Hollywood. No empathy for either.
Second, has anyone seen the new Netflix do. On Ashley Madison? I’ll save you the watch and give you the themes:
1. The people who worked at AM are as bad as the people who were ON AM.
2. AM wasn’t the problem, the HACKERS were the problem!
3. Three stories told: one couple who loved AM because they are in an open marriage, one Christ-y couple who of course, stayed together (and who are rumored to have been paid $2m to participate in the doc, and a woman whose husband committed suicide after the hack. So you see, everyone: AM isn’t the problem!!
4. Just like the Hulu doc, the hackers are presented as the problem. (AM is just providing a service! And so what if 70% of the “female” accounts were bots! Men aren’t the problem! Etc.)
Did you notice how completely unfuckable the people working for AM were for the most part? It made me almost too sad to continue watching because it was so clear that the only people who would support and sustain this ugly, abusive, societally corrosive and vile service were such catastrophic, traumatized, lonely losers that, at least in their perceptions, anyone ever agreeing to have sex with– much less talk to or share airspace with– anyone else must have seemed like a miracle.
I have no idea how much Lizard’s image management hit the mark or didn’t. Honestly, I have friends who think I was the image management for him – the nerd equivalent of a trophy partner, “Look, she’s nice and she loves me and she plays video games and likes anime!” His friends said they liked having me around, playing games with me, and one of them even said I was cooler than my ex, so… maybe it worked? My family didn’t like him, so his image management failed in the end there. He did try, by buying me a large cheesecake in front of them, or buying me things in front of my sibling. But it didn’t happen too often, either, and I think he was too much of an ass to keep it well hidden from others.
Yep, as Chump Lady says, they don’t get character transplants. I gave this marriage 2 years when it happened,and it looks like I was right.
Added Lopez, “Some old wounds were healed that day and the weight of the past finally lifted off our shoulders.
Translation: “I won! I won the prize! I’m a winner!”
Except…. she’s not. And he’s still just a sparkly turd.