Regrets Breaking No Contact with His Cheating Ex-Wife

One Last Time’s ex sounds like the worst kind of male FW though one with boobs. But it’s been my impression that a lot of she-FWs and even a lot of female mate poachers are unusually “dominance-oriented.” That thing of driving by One Last Time’s house (likely not by coincidence) and having the added temerity of interrogating him about it directly smack of disordered-dude-level territoriality and harem-guarding.

Anyone who’s seen a mama bear in action knows average women can be territorial. But I think it’s fair to say that there’s a statistical gender skew in how this is generally expressed and I’m getting the impression that she-FWs tend to display more guy-like aggression in certain ways. One Last Time’s ex even sounds downright batterer-ish which brings up some things I’ve been mulling over for the past few years regarding the “patriarchal model for domestic abuse” so… philosophical rambling alert.

The patriarchal model for DV– the idea that it’s largely fueled by male entitlement and dominance which demands female subservience and inferiority– made a lot of sense when I began working as an advocate for DV survivors. Obviously statistics support the idea that violent abuse is overwhelmingly male on female with something like 85% of severe injuries happening to women at the hands of men and domestic murder being the leading cause of death among pregnant women. Because there’s a high rate of domestic violence within the gay community, there can be a muddling of statistics regarding male victims of assault and domestic murder that Red Pill types have latched onto as “proof” that women are nearly as lethal as men but any closer look at cases and numbers easily dispels the claim. The reason domestic killers like Jodi Arias get so much media and public attention is because they’re not typical.

But once you get into the issue of subviolent emotional abuse and coercive control which I think are factors in most cases of infidelity, there’s a statistical shift. It’s still not close to fifty-fifty but anyone who dealt with mean girls in seventh grade knows that some women can be sadistic psychological bullies and aggressively power-oriented. But from my own personal observations of mean girls in seventh grade and dealing with some spectacularly awful women from the time I worked in the media industry, I’m still convinced there’s a theme of “patriarchy” underlying it because shitty women and she-FWs are almost invariably not only “handmaidens” of patriarchy but aggressive enforcers of it.

Like the #MeToo movement showed, I saw a lot of harassment, fuckwittery and worse going on in that industry which, though overwhelmingly driven by men, also included a lot of women mate-poaching and/or cheating as career strategies. And one of the first things I learned as an intern was to steer clear of chronic sidechicks and she-cheaters because, even if this type gave lip service to feminism when it suited them, they’re never friends to other women. For instance, never expect a woman like this to back up another woman in fighting genuine sexual harassment because that type will only use the situation to court favor with men in power and will throw other women under the bus.

In general I noticed that when (sometimes married) female coworkers began sleeping with a male superiors, they’d start bossing around peers as if wearing the boss’s strap-on dick. I thought that was interesting. It’s like they weren’t solely motivated to curry favor and hitch a ride on coattails but seemed also driven to emulate the worst patriarchal style of dominance and aggression.

Not everyone– female nor male– who ascends to leadership positions will use those kinds of bullying tactics. Organizational psychologists like Stanford’s Robert Sutton even argue that it’s the least optimal form of management. Yet I noticed female FWs seem naturally drawn to the bully model. But just as interesting is that the disrespect wasn’t only aimed at other women but also sometimes men. In fact, this type seems to often have a special contempt for actually decent men. Part of it may be that decent men aren’t particularly useful to someone climbing the ladder on dick-rungs but I also got the feeling that the contempt goes deeper than this. This was pretty clear in the case of workplace she-cheaters who were sometimes betraying decent good providers to bang some knuckle-dragging goon with status. Or not even a goon with status but some knuckle-dragging copy boy goon. Sort of like prison groupies, FWitty women appear to often be in thrall to the nastiest apes in the room and seem to subscribe to the “nice guys finish last” principle. Like all bullies, it’s as if, in their world view, anyone lacking killer capacity will be killed and they prefer to be on the winning side.

Anyway, 1001 philosophical thoughts. This is so far how I’ve been able to reconcile the patriarchal model of abuse with the phenomenon of she-cheaters, at least a bit. Even if many try to cop feminism as an alibi for cheating, I think this is as lame, offensive, incorrect and misleading as cheaters copping “polyamory” pleas or most of the other garbage excuses abusers make to abuse. I suspect most she-FWs are blowing the patriarchy in more ways than one– in terms of who they cheat with, who they screw over and the bullying way they do it.