Translate Some BS

Universal Bullshit Translator
The Universal Bullshit Translator

The Universal Bullshit Translator is not a humble machine. It’s been known to demand songs of praise after it devours bullshit. It eats a metric ton of Lebkuchen and frequently wants its quarter panels rubbed after ingesting a David Brooks essay.

But one thing the UBT can be justly proud of is all its offspring. It reads the CN interwebz and sees all the bullshit detecting, and it swells with conceit.

Whirrrp! A chip off the ol’ engine block! Whirrp!

So, today’s Friday Challenge is to elate the UBT and translate some bullshit. The world abounds with bullshit, I’m sure you won’t have any trouble finding material.

Are you co-parenting with a FW? It’s right there in your inbox. Do you still have all the RIC books you bought on Amazon? Highlight a passage or six. Did a Jesus Cheaters send you a booty call? We want to ridicule that. Do share.

Does the OW want to give you parenting advice? Did your ex say something patently moronic? “I didn’t cheat on you. I cheated on your idea that I would cheat on you.”

Feed that bullshit down the chipper shredder. Snark. Snark. And snark some more.

TGIF!

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nomar
nomar
1 year ago

After the first affair came to light she said: “You’re so strong and independent, I didn’t think you needed all of me.”

Translation: You were the problem. You caused the cheating. You know that quality I always led you to believe was attractive to me and valued by me? Yeah, that was annoying, that was the problem. So you should fix that. Only, don’t fix it too much to where I have to actually do my fair share in this marriage, because that would be a problem, too. Now comfort me while I tell you about how my affair partner didn’t appreciate all I did for him.

JamieC
JamieC
1 year ago
Reply to  nomar

I also got blamed for being too independent. He said that I didn’t really need him, but 20 year old shmoopie did. I had an infant, q 5 year old and a full time job. I definitely could have used the help, but I was so used to doing everything myself and he made every request for help seem like an inconvenience.

BeenThereandWasAChump
BeenThereandWasAChump
1 year ago
Reply to  JamieC

Same here. Really?? If I wasn’t so ‘independent’ who would have done everything that needs done to keep a family of four going constantly, you???? Still pisses me off as you can tell – Ha!

nomar
nomar
1 year ago
Reply to  JamieC

I hear you. When I was supposedly so “independent” I took our small kids to school every morning, ran my own law firm, paid all the household bills, maintained our large historic home on a half-acre plot, maintained my 100-year old office building, and was dealing to aging parents who had serious illnesses. I was only independent because I had to be, because my then-wife was occupied playing World of Warcraft 2,000 hours a year and having affairs with married men.

SK
SK
1 year ago
Reply to  nomar

Same here Nomar. I didn’t run my own law firm at the time, but I worked at a very successful civil litigation firm where I earned enough to pay off all our student loans, take our family on amazing vacations (often overseas), and gave him money to start his own firm. I was worried about making so much more money than he did, because I was raised by a fairly controlling father and an amazing SAHM X claimed to appreciate my efforts at the time, and the money I made so I stopped worrying. I also did school runs, arranged activities including sports, piano lessons, swimming lessons, horseback riding, dance, ice skating and more. Later, after D-Day number 4, he said that I “emasculated” him by earning more than he did. He said I “got lucky” with the job I acquired after law school. He also said one of the most awful things anyone has ever said to me. That I “use my py$$y to advance my career.” This was when he was in full blown narc mode (and unbeknownst to me, high on cocaine most of the time). Accused me of cheating as well, so “why can’t we just work this out?”

I never cheated. I wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing to the beautiful family we had.

Daughter graduated from high school this year, and he showed up to her party dressed like our 21 year old son, again seemingly high on cocaine. I could not be more grateful to be rid of him.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 year ago
Reply to  nomar

Ugh. A gamer. So was my FW. He often told me how strong I am. The thing is, somebody had to be and it wasn’t going to be him. These types were looking for somebody strong and independent so they could get the life they wanted- having fun while somebody else did the adulting.

Chumpadellic
Chumpadellic
1 year ago
Reply to  nomar

Nomar. So sorry you’ve been with this FW. You were paddling upstream while FW is in back of boat chopping a hole in the floorboards. There is NO life or future with someone like her. Arrested development to the max. People like her care for NO ONE especially anyone needy. FWs often abandon when the parents age and become needy. Ask me how I know.
You will do a million times better in life without this loser anchor weighing you down. If you decide to look for someone new, please know you are a catch and be choosy because you deserve so much better. Hugs.

krispysam
krispysam
1 year ago
Reply to  Chumpadellic

OH MY GOD…”paddling upstream while FW is in back of boat chopping a hole in the floorboards”…this is gold…I promise not to take credit but I am totally sharing this with my family! Correct description of my ENTIRE marriage!!!

DrChump
DrChump
1 year ago
Reply to  nomar

Nomar that sucks. I just don’t understand how FWs can treat their spouses so bad. How they are capable to betray without guilt.

Anna123
Anna123
1 year ago

When I first discovered his cheating, I hired a PI to confirm because I didn’t want to risk a false accusation. After I confronted him I included that I had hired a PI. He told me he was worried we would ‘never get past this’. I assumed he meant his cheating and I desperately told him “no, people recover from this all the time. We just need to work on it, we love each other- bla bla bla”. I was in full on dance mode emotionally. He replied, “that’s not what I meant, I meant I don’t think I can get past you hiring a detective.” It literally blew my mind. I think there are brain cells in there that have some permanent scars.

CJ
CJ
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

My said something similar —“I don’t think I can get past the breach of trust you created by reading my texts (the one that exposed the affair, of course). I felt guilty about that for months until my gaslighted head started clearing.

Emma C
Emma C
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

I hired a PI maybe 10 years post divorce because I was concerned his girlfriend was doing cocaine in front of the kids. Long enough ago, had to look in the Yellow Pages. He was an ex-cop and took the initial $35 by phone. Called me back 30 minutes later saying he found a lot in 5 minutes. Felony shoplifting multiple times when she was with disabled son and would blame it on him. Felony shoplifting without him. Multiple prostitution convictions in multiple states. Many many drug charges. The PI credited my card with the $35.

oldcrone
oldcrone
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

Mine had the gall to tell me that his married girlfriend said recording him on our landline was wrong.
I was supposed to be grateful that they didn’t press charges.

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
1 year ago
Reply to  oldcrone

“Mine had the gall to tell me that his married girlfriend said recording him on our landline was wrong.”

The rat faced whore was apparently very upset I’d read all her phone texts slobbering all over the wonderful gifts etc fucktard had presented her with.” She shouldn’t have done that! ”

But taking gifts from a married man and fucking him was AOK. ????????

Daughterofachump
Daughterofachump
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

So…there was nothing wrong with his cheating, but you hiring a private investigator ‘was’ wrong.

SMH. I hope you got the best possible settlement.

DrChump
DrChump
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

Makes me want to go Woody Haye’s on the guy.

marissachump
marissachump
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

Also joining the punching line.

This is so classic. Mine said the problem was that I read her messages so I had destroyed her trust…

brit
brit
1 year ago
Reply to  marissachump

I was cleaning out his pockets to a jacket he asked me to take to the cleaners. I found a suspicious receipt and asked him about it. He said he didn’t remember… He went into a rage accusing me of snooping through his things. Guilt will do that.

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
1 year ago
Reply to  brit

Yes. Your job was to be the useful wife appliance, not to ask him questions. How dare you.

ChumpiestChumpinChumptown
ChumpiestChumpinChumptown
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

Oh friend, samsies. When I first confronted him on his double life, he couldn’t help but jab me about my violation of his privacy. Keep in mind that I completely trusted him and would never consider spying on him in any way. But after several lies… Cheating for decades vs. going on his ashley madison account that he left open …

LezChump
LezChump
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

Wow, ultimate DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim/Offender). Like many chumps, I experienced a lesser degree of this when my STBX acted all butt-hurt that I had found photos of her and AP (that she had claimed she had deleted) on her iPad. This, by the way, was a shared device that our kids also frequently used.

Moral of the story: my STBX literally didn’t understand boundaries at all – like, how they work, in all directions. She admitted as much once in a rare moment of honesty. Character-disordered types (including most cheaters) cannot accept responsibility for harming others, because real accountability activates a place of deep shame that they can’t handle. So, instead they employ DARVO, blameshifting, minimizing, and other manipulations to externalize the source of the harm.

I’m glad we’re free now, Anna! All best to you and to all chumps.

ChumpiestChumpinChumptown
ChumpiestChumpinChumptown
1 year ago
Reply to  LezChump

There’s definitely something to that deep shame thing.

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
1 year ago

Hmmm. I wonder. No, I don’t. I think it’s more “how dare you, my previously quiescent chump, exhibit distrust and disbelief in *wonderful me*? Your getting out of my control!”

I don’t think any of them experience what normal people do, no empathy, no shame. They’re splendid, and we’re bad people for putting any obstacles in the way of what they want.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 year ago
Reply to  Chumpnomore6

I agree CNM. They aren’t reacting to shame, as they are quite shameless. But they are insecure, and being called out for what they do activates that. Their narcissism developed to guard against their insecurity, but it doesn’t work that well. This is why they need control the chump- it reassures them of their mythical superiority. The more reassurance they need, the more insecure they are underneath their gradiosity.
Shame and guilt exist to make people stop the wrongs they are doing. If they ever felt shame or guilt about their behavior, they stopped feeling it a long time ago by rationalizing that it’s okay because_____(fill in assorted bullshit excuses.)

LookingForwardstoTuesday
LookingForwardstoTuesday
1 year ago
Reply to  OHFFS

OHFFS,

I think that Cheaters don’t feel guilt (the internal voice saying that they shouldn’t do something) but have real issues with shame (the external voice that sees other people saying that they shouldn’t do something). They just can’t deal with being judged by others as they’ve already judged themselves as being “not guilty.” Maybe my experience with Ex-Mrs LFTT is extreme, but she is adamant that she’s done nothing wrong, but she absolutely cannot deal with the judgment of others …… which is why she still lies/DARVOs 7 years out from D-Day.

LFTT

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

Bless your unjaded and innocent heart for fessing to hiring a PI. I can imagine this means you hadn’t been through sixteen rounds of vicious DARVO at that point, hadn’t yet had everything you’d ever said twisted around and weaponized into proof of your terribleness, hadn’t been trained out of impulsive truth-telling.

bread&roses
bread&roses
1 year ago

It really does take all of that to “get it,” doesn’t it, HOC? Years of pre-dday abuse, followed by shocking discoveries of betrayal and worse abuse, and still many mighty chumps continue to hold on. I found CL/CN several months after leaving a cheater, and this was a lifeline that helped me cut through the BS, go NC, and feel more “normal” and less alone. While I’d like to believe that if I’d found CL when I was still in an abusive relationship with a serial cheater, I would’ve seen the light, trusted he sucked and left sooner — but the cycle of abuse had a vicious hold on me, and I honestly don’t know. If it wasn’t for all the painfully, eerily similar stories here, I would have believed something was seriously wrong with me.

Also, HOC, your comment about being “trained out of impulsive truth-telling” is so apt.

Thirtythreeyearsachump
Thirtythreeyearsachump
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

I’m getting in line to punch that cheater. He fucking sucks so hard the trees are bending.

M
M
1 year ago

It lends new meaning to the word ‘punchline.’ I’m queuing up now…

UXworld
UXworld
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

I’ll confess to sometimes binge-watching episodes of “Cheaters” on rainy Saturday mornings, when I’ve got no errands to run.

After cycling through the typical denials and gaslighting and “it’s not what you thinks,” most of those ‘caught’ on the show eventually turn to this sort of incredulity: “You’ve been surveilling me?! You’ve had people following me?! What kind of crazy demented person are you?! I can’t ever forgive you for this!! We’re DONE!!”

So, yes — as RecentlyDiscardedChump notes, it’s common. After catching and confronting the Kunty Kibbler and the Carrot Singer at my home, she was (supposedly) appalled and devastated that I’d looked on her phone. it’s indeed a way of creating the false equivalency of “You’re no better than me.”

WalkawayWoman
WalkawayWoman
1 year ago
Reply to  UXworld

UXworld, yes! And the “updates” at the end of each episode, where the cheater claims to have turned over a new leaf, traded up partners, become a better person and so much happier now that the chump is out of their life. ????
We all know who really goes on to gain a life, and who is stuck on “rinse and repeat.”

brit
brit
1 year ago
Reply to  WalkawayWoman

Ex claimed to have never been happier in his life with the first AP and I’m certain he’s said the same thing with the second and third…

Doubly Chumped
Doubly Chumped
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

And they flip it right back on you. Makes me want to rip my hair out.

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
1 year ago
Reply to  Doubly Chumped

Blame shifting! It has to be one of the most difficult traits to deal with. Always always always someone else’s fault, usually the chumps, but never never never the cheater’s responsibility.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

Mine couldn’t get over the betrayal of me telling my dad that he was having an affair when my dad wanted to know why I was so distraught.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
1 year ago

Betrayal? Some people really have the nerve…

Carol39
Carol39
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

Haha! My ex said something almost the same. In my case, I told our pastor that my husband was cheating on me with prostitutes. I foolishly tried to reconcile, and later he told me that he was having so much trouble getting past that betrayal (not his betrayal of me, but mine of him for telling our pastor about it), and he didn’t know if he would ever fully trust me again.

Sunrise
Sunrise
1 year ago
Reply to  Carol39

My ex was also betrrayed after I put down the hopium pipe, accepted I would be a single mom to three kids soon and traded in my 10 year old minivan for a sexy new crossover. Apparently this was much more egregious than him fucking his ho-worker in a hotel near their office.

InfinityChump
InfinityChump
1 year ago
Reply to  Sunrise

Ho-worker! Bahahah! My ex FW has one of those too! She found out I filed for divorce and said now we can go out to dinner and meet the family (her husband & 3 kids under 7) and he dropped her! He moved on to other women and my divorce will be final on 6-15.

RecentlyDiscardedChump
RecentlyDiscardedChump
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

I think this is common. Mine after i presented him with evidence of lies and a whole secret life didn’t answer anything just left saying he could never trust me again. How dare i look at his phone and uncover his perfectly curated double life! Of course I never looked at his phone once in 8 years and only did so after I caught several lies and instead of admitting them lied more and gaslit me, and hey was worried that there were substance abuse issues and he needed help and hey I discovered evidence of not just many more lies but a whole secret life but yes – let’s make the issue all about looking in a phone. And the lies? My fault! I MADE him do it so i got what i deserved.

Ubt: I can’t believe you’d look in my phone or hire a pi-you’ve ruined my cake! I’m so angry that I can’t keep lying!

Gettingtomeh
Gettingtomeh
1 year ago

Omg!! I’ve been hit will the “ now I can’t trust you “ bullshit. It’s always about my reactions to his lies, cheating, and abuses, it’s never that his behavior exists- NEVER!

Chumpion
Chumpion
1 year ago

I experienced the same thing. He said my lack of respect for his privacy was a deal breaker even though the messages I read between him and his AP were all about *me*.

I think these cheaters just cannot admit that they’ve done anything wrong, and there are only so many moves on the chessboard to keep the good-guy mask on. It’s so sad and pathetic.

Queen of Shade
Queen of Shade
1 year ago

CL quote ‘it’s not what I did, but it’s your reaction to it’ that’s the problem. DARVO and gaslighting at its best.

Gettingtomeh
Gettingtomeh
1 year ago
Reply to  Queen of Shade

ALWAYS!!!!

KatiePig
KatiePig
1 year ago
Reply to  Queen of Shade

Yep, basically: “How dare you find out I’m lying to you!”

This is the stance all “our” friends took. How dare I find out he was lying to me and betraying me. No issue with the actual betrayal. That’s why I flushed them all like the rancid shit they are.

OzChump
OzChump
1 year ago
Reply to  KatiePig

Katie, Love it…”flushed them all like the rancid shit they are.” A couple of them I’d known for decades but they supported him because “he hadn’t done much wrong and I was just overreacting!”

Sally
Sally
1 year ago

It is common. I think it’s two things; distancing themselves from any guilt (if it exists) by flipping it onto you and contempt for what they perceive as yet more ‘clingy’ behaviour (which was just you trying to get some level of intimacy and trust back).

These are both ways of squaring infidelity with the conscience, it’s why they often get nasty when the affair begins. We rarely act outside of our own moral code, we justify the things we do. Even killers do it.

This is light skein untangling on my part though. In the end the whys don’t matter.

brit
brit
1 year ago
Reply to  Sally

Yes, I remember clearly and make the connection, the unproved rages when the affair began. Asking a simple question would result in a rage of demonic proportions. It was like he became possessed.

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
1 year ago
Reply to  brit

Yes! I got that too.

He was always bad tempered, but now I connect! Demonic rages over nothing at all, but especially if I asked a question. ????????

Motherchumper99
Motherchumper99
1 year ago

False equivalencies (e.g. cheating = snooping). Such a classic narcissist w/BPD move.

If anyone does this to me today, I end contact with them. I live a narc-free life today.

BTAW
BTAW
1 year ago

I love the false equivalencies:
1-When discussing his raging alcoholism, he said that him seeing me eat something other than a salad is equal to him having a drink. Hmmm. I have not been driving around drunk on donuts for years so………
2-got a cell for myself so that my texts would not be accessible through Apple. Apparently that is equal to his private cell that he used to order hookers, log into Ashley Madison and eharmony, and watch porn. With his equivalency of alcoholism=unhealthy eating, I guess I should be using my phone to order DoorDash (instead of whore dash), sign onto private recipe swapping sites and hide in a room by myself watching cooking shows so nobody sees me. Bahahaha

N
N
1 year ago
Reply to  Anna123

I want to punch him for you.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
1 year ago
Reply to  N

so do I

FuckWitFree
FuckWitFree
1 year ago
Reply to  N

I want to punch him too.

Ty
Ty
1 year ago
Reply to  FuckWitFree

Me three

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
1 year ago
Reply to  Ty

Me 4.????

Boudica
Boudica
1 year ago
Reply to  Chumpnomore6

Same.

N
N
1 year ago

He said, “I just don’t know how to love anyone.” Which means “I only love myself.”

Emma C
Emma C
1 year ago
Reply to  N

My variation: “I’m just not good enough for you. That’s why I cheat.”
It changed to cold bitch when I left. i should have known he was going to cheat and I really hurt him when I left.

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
1 year ago
Reply to  N

Same here. Screaming red flag to leave. I stuck it out for months until I truly grasped the gravity of my situation and those “half” truths that were really little tests to see how I would react. File this under when someone tells you who they are, believe them.

LezChump
LezChump
1 year ago
Reply to  N

Right. I got the reverse, namely “I don’t know how to love myself.” And as RuPaul says, “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

Boy, those cheaters really show they care about our feelings in those moments, right? But they still feel entitled to reconciliation, because they’re so broken… ????

brit
brit
1 year ago
Reply to  LezChump

One day ex walks in and says, “I don’t get butterflies in my stomach anymore when you walk into the room.”
uhm.., okay, I wondered if he was serious, I wasn’t sure how to respond. I shrugged it off as he was just being weird.
We had been married 20 years, known each other for 25, had a teenage son. We were adults, parents, busy with our everyday routines.

We weren’t teenagers, I always associated “butterflies in your stomach” as being associated with teenagers.
I also noticed when he sent texts he started using teenage girl abbreviations, like “K”?
This was also one of the things that made me think he might be suffering from a brain tumor. I couldn’t imagine him texting “K”?

What I didn’t realize at the time is he was feeling “butterflies in his stomach” when AP walked in the room and probably the feeling of doom when walked in.
Cheaters confuse infatuation with love. When routine sets in and the honeymoon phase is over the cycle is bound to repeat itself.

Byebyefw
Byebyefw
1 year ago
Reply to  N

Ha ha, snap. I got ‘I think I’ve fallen out of love with the world’ and ‘he didn’t feel like having sex with anyone’. Yeah right

Morrychump
Morrychump
1 year ago
Reply to  Byebyefw

May I join please….

I got ‘I’m moving out as I want to be alone AND no I’m not moving in with the OW..I just want to be alone and clear my head’

Fast forward 12 hours..I see messages on his phone with pictures of a dress that she wants to wear to their ENGAGEMENT party…scheduled for the following month.

P.S. We were also engaged at the time.

Can’t make this shit up. Idiot.

CJ
CJ
1 year ago
Reply to  Morrychump

Same —except he insisted I move out of the house (I didn’t) and when I said “ why don’t you?” he replied “I can’t! All my stuff is here.”

brit
brit
1 year ago
Reply to  Byebyefw

I got I’m 42 years old, men aren’t interested in sex at my age…

GermanChump
GermanChump
1 year ago
Reply to  N

Exactly the Same words I was told…

MightyKJ
MightyKJ
1 year ago

I never meant for this to happen.

Translation: I have been fucking strange for years but you screwed it up by finding out and calling me out. It’s very inconvenient for me to no longer have access to cake.

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
1 year ago
Reply to  MightyKJ

That comment is usually alongside the “I didn’t want to hurt you”…

Bicoastal Lady
Bicoastal Lady
1 year ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

I got “I just can’t give you what you deserve.”. Oh, so you were doing me a favor??

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
1 year ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

I got the “I didn’t want to hurt you”.

Him: (trying to persuade me his texts boasting about fucking the rat faced whore were ‘just lad’s banter’ and ‘nothing happened’)

UBT: Shit, I’ve been busted. What can I say to gaslight her so she won’t exact consequences? I know, I’ll tell her it was just lad’s banter. She’ll believe me because she doesn’t realise I have zero respect for her and think she’s stupid.

Me: If it’s just lad’s banter, and nothing happened, why all the lies?

Him: I didn’t want to hurt you!

UBT: I’m really a good person.

Me: Why would it hurt me to know it was just lad’s banter and nothing happened?

Him: no reply, just a red face and deer in the headlights look.

Me: Get the fuck out. I’m divorcing you.

????????

sue devlin
sue devlin
1 year ago

my ex said, I wasnt going to leave you ie be grateful
i liked her because she dumped her kids, ie he dumped his kids he has with me as well
shes dangerous, ie why the fuck are you with her then
he said i know people with sti(s), ie hes telling you something there
she was shouting ouside cul de sac once, he said can you have a word with her, no im not a priest i cant
perform exorcisms
this is 11 years ago, he lives several buses away, she still hangs around seeing if he turns up, i realised a
long time ago hes a coward, and probably always was. i have had different sim cards, she still manages to
contact me, so he is obviously still sees her, i have crime numbers against her.

LookingForwardstoTuesday
LookingForwardstoTuesday
1 year ago

Statement: “You have a drink problem because you don’t drink. You are a terrible host because you don’t know how often to top our guests’ glasses up and, when you do top up someone’s glass you look like you are judging them. I am embarrassed to bring my friends to the house because of you …. you have no friends and no social skills.”

Translation: “I have a drink problem and my friends have drink problems …… but we are more comfortable with denying it and making out that you are the one with a problem … and the fact that your friends don’t like being around me is a you problem and not a me problem.”

LFTT

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago

Hah, I was accused of not knowing “how to get along with people” too. It’s my favorite tale from the FW files.

FW’s mother was the first to say this of me after a credibly alleged child molester on school staff was named by a series of former victims and the story was all over the regional headlines. In reaction I joined a coalition with other parents in our burb demanding transparency from the district regarding how it vetted teachers. Because we didn’t drop the issue and play possum like the rest of the community, the administration went mad and retaliated against me and the other parents by targeting our children in terrible ways. Then yet another former victim approached the “coalition” and named yet another child molester on staff.

I decided to pull all my kids from this creepy school and home school in the interim. My then MIL went ballistic over it. That’s when she exhorted her FW son to make the kids go back to the same school saying the real problem was that I didn’t know how to get along with people.

A few years later when FW started the affair but before I knew about it, his first DARVO attack was when he said the same thing to me. It came in the form of a vicious diatribe after I wondered aloud if a nanny I’d hired might be questionable. He hissed “You don’t know how to get along with anyone!” The nanny turned out to be a big pot head who kept leaving the kids alone to play with her phone and, much worse, gave away something chilling about her own character: she threw a fit when I said I supported the Sex Offender Registry. She spat back that “You might as well kill them. Why don’t they have a right to live in peace?” Yikes. I fired her.

Then after D-Day FW disclosed that his schmoopie had said the same thing about me “not getting along with people” despite her having never met me and despite her bilking my kids’ college funds of tens of thousands of dollars. FW acted mystified about how his mother’s precise words had ended up in the mouth of the AP. It was pretty clear that he’d been trashing me to the AP all along but it was kind of bleakly funny that the BEST THEY COULD DO was to disparage me because I’d protected my kids? To quote Franklin D. Roosevent, “I ask you to judge me by the enemies I’ve made.” No, I don’t get along with pervs, perv apologists, cheating FWs and psychopathic side chicks. Clearly I’m a loser.

DrChump
DrChump
1 year ago

HOC, more than likely they were intimidated by your intelligence and knew that they couldn’t take advantage of you because you have boundaries.
Moving to the South I found people rarely say what they mean. I, on the other hand, am blunt and to the point. I “have no filter.” Given that fact I have an incredible amount of loyal friends and in the last 11 months their support has been overwhelming. Don’t think I could have gotten this far without them. It separates the wheat from the chaff.

FuckWitFree
FuckWitFree
1 year ago

HOAC, you sound like a quality human to me! I also don’t get along well with liars, cheaters, pervs, perv apologists, cheater apologists, skanky whores, affair partners, or any form of fuckwits. Guess I can’t get along with anyone, either, if that’s the leveling bar. They are such disordered sociopaths.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  FuckWitFree

Well, as CL says, bless your heart. We’re just peas in a pod. I’d certainly rather have someone like you in my lifeboat than that cavalcade of ick. xoxo

Savage Chump
Savage Chump
1 year ago

After DDay he asked me to move in bc it’s harder to cheat when everything you want is right in front of you

Translation – the other woman lives 15 min away from me so challenge to gaslight you more accepted! come pick me dance in person 😀

Carol39
Carol39
1 year ago
Reply to  Savage Chump

I guess for him, sex is completely about geography. You have to stay no more than two feet from him, holding a stick with which to beat off any competitors. Otherwise, some other woman might slip in closer, and then he’ll get confused about which one is the right one to have sex with.

Byebyefw
Byebyefw
1 year ago
Reply to  Carol39

Carol39 ????????????

Savage Chump
Savage Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  Carol39

LOL right. My own parents didn’t even have to watch me that closely growing up to keep me from doing right from wrong and that was their job. So I refuse to do it for a grown man.

telomeres
telomeres
1 year ago
Reply to  Savage Chump

Or a grown woman as the case may be…

Wow
Wow
1 year ago

I dunno. I’m still processing information just learned last night that a female friend of our family’s dated my ex in high school & how come in all the years I was married to him ( and her & her husband were around) that that information never came to light?? But my ex tells our son about it just the other day?! Another secret. Another lie by omission. Another punch in the gut. Fuck. I have fresh new anger at the ex-FW! Why do I even care???

DrChump
DrChump
1 year ago
Reply to  Wow

WOW, I get the anger. I found a box of expired condoms in the medicine cabinet. They were expired as of 12/2018. It was a box of 36 and 18 were missing. We didn’t use condoms! It showed me that she was screwing in the marital bed and that the affair started at least 7 years ago. What a guy punch

Lee Chump
Lee Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  Wow

I would be upset with that “omission” too. I would probably get some lame reaction like “I did not tell you because I knew how you would react…”

KatiePig
KatiePig
1 year ago
Reply to  Wow

I totally get it. Remember that woman is your enemy. She’s been revealed as that now, do not allow her in your life in any way from this point on.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  KatiePig

Anyone would be sickened to realize they were like Rosemary from Rosemary’s Baby and were surrounded for years by a coalition of skanky dank evil. No cheater can function without a cabal of enabling and like-minded creeps around them. It’s a chilling discovery.

KatiePig
KatiePig
1 year ago

That’s exactly what it’s like! I was actually literally losing my mind towards the end of my marriage. Cognitive issues from pernicious anemia which went untreated for nearly 40 years. I kept telling people I felt like I was living in that point of a horror movie where the main character knows something is very wrong but they don’t know what yet. And just like in a horror movie everybody around me was all “You’re being paranoid! Nothings happening!

The end of the movie was horrible to go through but I’m so glad it’s over and I’m out of it now.

FuckWitFree
FuckWitFree
1 year ago
Reply to  Wow

They lie and lie and lie and lie and lie. It’s a way of life for a sociopath

Elsie
Elsie
1 year ago

My ex took off and made it long-distance when I asked for a separation. With his family’s blessing, he told me, “We can work things out long-distance.”

Deep down, I knew that was, “I’m gone like I’ve hinted at for years. Your job is to overlook the chaos and come running to me, deeply sorry for making me run.”

When the divorce process started, he told me, “It will be quick and easy because I love you and always will.”

My version was, “It will belong, messy, and expensive, showing just how little he thinks of me.” I knew better. At least I thoroughly liked and respected my legal team. It made all the bills a little easier to take. By the end, we had a saying, “No empathy and no regard for the law.” Mine got it settled and is now retired. All is well.

Elsie
Elsie
1 year ago
Reply to  Elsie

“It be long…” Fumble fingers.

FuckWitFree
FuckWitFree
1 year ago

“You were so preoccupied with all those miscarriages that I felt neglected and the work slut with a drinking and money problem felt boosted by my attention and money.”

UBT: I do what I want because I’m a narcissistic sociopath with no empathy for you or your pain and I’ll keep doing whatever I want. But I’ll keep a mask up because being a non caring fuckwit is a bad look and I might miss out on conning another needy potential partner.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
1 year ago
Reply to  FuckWitFree

Wow. Evil.

NotAnymore
NotAnymore
1 year ago
Reply to  FuckWitFree

I got a flavor of this. “You cut me off after our kids were born.”

UBT – you forgot it’s all about ME ME ME. While you were up all night with colicky and then chronically sick kids I slept all night ALONE (after playing videogames all evening) and my dick was so sadz. Surely you should have found time between working to support us, hospital visits and surgeries, and never sleeping to be sexy. Because it’s not enough to go through the motions to placate me, you need to like it, and want it more than me. What else could I do (besides trying to be a loving supportive partner) except sexually proposition our mutual friend and spend all my time in the bathroom wanking on my phone?

———

Ug, I’m too angry to actually UBT today! He is a master of DARVO, he is always somehow the victim ????

FuckWitFree
FuckWitFree
1 year ago
Reply to  NotAnymore

Notanymore, I hate that dickhead for you. Just appalling.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  NotAnymore

FW’s act like their genitals are the perpetual newborns of the family that should be the focus of all care, concern and adoration! I’m surprised they don’t insist on having family portraits taken with their dongs and twats swaddled up in cute bunting at the center and the whole family gazing lovingly at cheater daddy’s/mommy’s crotch.

DrChump
DrChump
1 year ago

Ha, maybe Or do FWs act like there genitals are AudreyII from Little Shop of Horrors with an insatiable appetite.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  DrChump

Oh no, head film!! ????

DrChump
DrChump
1 year ago
Reply to  DrChump

“Their”

NotAnymore
NotAnymore
1 year ago

Hell of a chump – you just made my Friday with that comment! ????

KatiePig
KatiePig
1 year ago

Scabby dick has so many dick pics… He even started an only fans. It’s totally free in the hopes that even more people will get to look at his scabby dick.

DrChump
DrChump
1 year ago
Reply to  KatiePig

As a guy I never understood the whole sending a “dick pic” to a woman thing or even sending a naked picture. I am no prude and find woman beautiful but men not so much. After all the years as a surgeon and one trip to a nudist beach I have to say men should clothed.

Dude-ette
Dude-ette
1 year ago

“Let’s buy you a bigger diamond ring”
=
“I’m cheating on you but when I dump you for the married NJ business associate with three young sons, my image of the generous, successful businessman who found true love will remain intact, all because of the huge ring on your finger”

“I work 80-90 hours each week”
=
“I spend hours each day on the phone with the NJ woman. Every golf round and all my fishing trips with clients count as work and I’m the most important person in the family”

“The affair has ended”
=
“I don’t want my rich new girlfriend to know that the affair is still going on. I love NJ woman’s catch-me-fuck-me heels but the new wallet woman is even better”

UXworld
UXworld
1 year ago

So timely! Had something happen this week!

M the Younger was accepted to a college that gave her a pretty substantial award of guaranteed money for all 4 years. However, because this college belongs to the same tuition exchange network as the one at which the Chlorine Special is an instructor, she was subsequently given an even higher guaranteed 4-year award. (So, the douchebag is good for something after all.)

I was notified of this latest development by KK in an OFW message on May 22, which included: “I was told (M) will receive an amended financial aid letter outlining the updated scholarships, grants, loans, and remainder amount.” No response from me.

She followed up 4 days later: “I confirmed that (M) should get a new financial aid letter mailed to her. Once you receive that please send me a copy.” Again, no response from me.

On Monday I received a one-word follow-up: “FAYL”

That’s it. I scanned the web, enlisted a few fellow chumps, discretely asked my daughters if this was a new term or acronym sweeping social media. I suppose it’s technically possible she’s referring to a village in eastern Yemen located in the Hadhramaut Governorate. Or a “Huntmaster” character from World of Warcraft.

But the UBT knows better. It’s another in her long line of insults: “Acknowledge me, you bitter petulant asshole!! I disapprove of your silence demand acquiescence and recognition!”

notjustawife
notjustawife
1 year ago
Reply to  UXworld

UXworld…I had to look this up in the Urban Dictionary: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fayl
Sigh…they all suck.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  notjustawife

Hacker term from 20 years ago? Kool.

loch
loch
1 year ago
Reply to  UXworld

Hahahaha KK always good for a laugh.
You can see her face behind the screen with a little twist of attention deprivation irritation.

Good on the tuition front.

ForwardOnwardUpward
ForwardOnwardUpward
1 year ago
Reply to  UXworld

This called for coffee and brain wracking this morning!

Fucking Answer You Loser

Schrodinger’s Chump
Schrodinger’s Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  UXworld

That’s hilarious. Do you think she was trying to say “FAIL”? My ex also sends ranting messages with weird typos. I’m sure he has no idea he comes across as idiotic and unhinged.

UXworld
UXworld
1 year ago
Reply to  UXworld

” . . . I disapprove of your silence AND demand acquiescence and recognition!”

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
1 year ago
Reply to  UXworld

KK never gives up, does she? It’s kind of amazing actually. ????

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  UXworld

This is bothering me too. FAYL: Falsely Accused Youth Leaders?

Obscurely it seems to be antique hacker slang for fail. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fayl

Did KK bang some basement-dwelling software pirate back in the aughts? Translation: You are not considered cool among aging hackers with Cheetos dust in their neck-beards and dried cum on their keyboards. With KK’s help, they are currently trying to hack your bank account and crypto wallet.

eirene
eirene
1 year ago
Reply to  UXworld

Fuck All Your Lies ?
Fucking Asshole, You Limpdick ?

I’m gonna be thinking about this all day, UX. And it has given me a potential new tactic for confounding any other person bothering me. You’ve got to give KK a bit of credit for being so creative, though, unless it was just a result of her fingers spasming in fury.

Motherchumper99
Motherchumper99
1 year ago
Reply to  eirene

I think she meant “fail.” She’s trying to be “cool.” What a loser.

Violet
Violet
1 year ago

“I still love you.”

Trans: This is going to cost me a fortune.

Elsie
Elsie
1 year ago
Reply to  Violet

Yes, he pledged his undying love as the divorce process started and said it would be quick. I figured $20,000+ and at least a year for what should have been a simple divorce (no custody issues, no real estate, no business interests).

Turns out that was pretty close to what I paid, and the whole thing took much longer than it should have. My senior attorney figured that my ex paid 2-3x more than I did because of the attorney he chose and how it was all handled. At times my legal work was written off because of how disgusted my legal team was with the whole thing.

That’s not love.

Dontfeellikedancin
Dontfeellikedancin
1 year ago
Reply to  Violet

Violet, so pithy and so true.
Same happened here.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
1 year ago
Reply to  Violet

I got the same, along with, “I think you can love two people at the same time.” Classic.

NotUrChump
NotUrChump
1 year ago

This was from FW just yesterday. As per our consent decree, I informed FW (who has seen his kids a half dozen times in 5 years) that our younger’s last day of daycare is approaching and he will switch to after-school fees following kindergarten. FW then asked if this would reduce out of pocket childcare expenses, a question proving how little he has ever paid attention to anything child-related. In true Grey rock response fashion, replied with the links to both school’s tuition rates, from.which he could do the math himself. He then responded, and I quote:

“Thanks and all, but a simple yes would have sufficed. I have tried very hard to be civil for some time but you are coming across very passive agressive to me, if it matters.

You know I was out of work for over a year and I still made many of my child support payments. I am out of work now and while I have no severance I am trying to keep up and already made June’s payment.

I don’t understand why everything has to be such a apparent hassle to ask a simple question.

I have enough liquid cash that I can float a couple of months unemployed. After that I have no idea what to do. Just FYI.”

Should keep the UBT sated a while.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
1 year ago
Reply to  NotUrChump

Ah, yes! Trying for next level grey rock, I once asked him politely to contact our teenaged kids to arrange seeing them, with a please and thank you. He then accused me of ‘passive aggressive bollocks’ in a rant about how he heard two syllables per month from the kids. (Only a few weeks later he asked me to give him a second chance, after my son had hinted he was having money troubles…)

Him: Passive aggressive bollocks!!!
UBT: It enrages me that I have no control over you, I no longer have a social secretary and I can’t accuse you of being a bitch cause you’re too bloody nice!

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 year ago
Reply to  NotUrChump

“Thanks and all, but a simple yes would have sufficed.
I have tried very hard to be civil for some time but you are coming across very passive agressive to me, if it matters.”

I hope it matters. I hope my projection breaks through your silly boundaries, because I’ll be needing you to cater to and feel sorry for me for quite some time.

“You know I was out of work for over a year and I still made many of my child support payments.”

One bitch cookie with extra sprinkles, please.

“I am out of work now and while I have no severance I am trying to keep up and already made June’s payment.”

Now how about some bitch muffins, hmmm? I got fired for harassing women at the office. This is your cue to offer to waive child support. Act now- supplies of sad sausage are running out. Rageberry pie is next on the menu.

“I don’t understand why everything has to be such a apparent hassle to ask a simple question.”

I don’t understand why my mommy doesn’t like me anymore. You won’t even give me a cookie. I try so hard, but I can’t even get so much as a plain tea biscuit out of you, let alone an Oreo. ???? ????

“I have enough liquid cash that I can float a couple of months unemployed. After that I have no idea what to do. Just FYI.”

Just FYI, I will be defaulting on my payments. God forbid I should have to take a job that’s beneath me. Like a job that involves work. Whatever shall I do? #ohcruelfate

FuckWitFree
FuckWitFree
1 year ago
Reply to  OHFFS

OHFFS, I laughed so hard at your translations that my water came out my nose! Bravo!

I Am Enough
I Am Enough
1 year ago
Reply to  OHFFS

How dare someone want a reward for supporting their own offspring when they can’t even find a job. *angry face

FYI
FYI
1 year ago
Reply to  NotUrChump

But cheating isn’t passive-aggressive at all.

Motherchumper99
Motherchumper99
1 year ago
Reply to  NotUrChump

Omg, he’s a real douchebag, that one. Good riddance!

Schrodinger’s Chump
Schrodinger’s Chump
1 year ago
Reply to  NotUrChump

I mean, how dare you make him click on links and do simple math.

UXworld
UXworld
1 year ago
Reply to  NotUrChump

Awesome NUC. You’ve learned the grey rock lessons well. Drives them nuts.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
1 year ago

The UBT is the grad program that led to my Bachelor’s in Grownup Relations. I will always be grateful!

I don’t have one to type this morning, I just wanted to deluge Tracy in gratitude. ???? Looking forward to reading all of yours later!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
1 year ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

(oops, didn’t delete “grad”, LOL!)

MichelleShocked
MichelleShocked
1 year ago

Here’s a “co-parenting with a FW” one for the UBT:

Recently we had to re-calculate child support. For the past 2 and 1/2 years FW stopped doing his custodial weekends and much of his vacation time with our son. In my state, if you don’t have minimum 90 days custodial time (which is 24 hours/overnights) then the primary parent gets the full child support amount.

FW sent an email that he “didn’t want a lot of back and forth” so he was sending it through his attorney.

UBT: Shut up and just take whatever I say. You’re stupid and should trust me and my attorney and feel lucky I’m willing to do this.

When I pointed out that child support should be calculated at the full amount (you can do it easily with an online calculator) he emailed “Not sure what the custodial time has to do with this. I did talk to my attorney about it, but it has nothing to do with the child support calculation.”

UBT: Just shut up. I’m gaslighting you that child support is not based on custody. I’m going to lie and base it on the days I’m allotted (120 days) and blame YOU that I don’t get to see my son enough. Shut up Shut upppppp!!!!!!

Result? I made his attorney send it to mine. His attorney did the calculation incorrectly. My attorney corrected it (to more than double the amount owed). And it was calculated at full amount because FW doesn’t spend enough custodial time with his son.

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
1 year ago

I think this is strategic. My EX first wanted a small number of custodial days, then after seeing a lawyer, wanted 120 overnights. Sure enough, that was the state limit that would prevent him from having to pay child support at all. I expect his lawyer told him that he wouldn’t have to “use” all of these custodial days but that it would be financially beneficial for him to claim he wanted them during the divorce process.

Sure, I could have contested the issue in a new court hearing once it was clear that he wasn’t seeing the kids much, but for me the risk of having him assert his custodial rights (to avoid payment) was worse than having less money. And I imagine his lawyer was able to predict this as the most likely outcome from the beginning.

ISawTheLight
ISawTheLight
1 year ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

During quarantine in 2019, I ended up taking our son full time because my job let me work remotely (made me work remotely) so it was safer for the kid and also someone was there for virtual schooling. My ex “couldn’t” work from home. Until I had my attorney ask for child support. Then, miraculously he was able to work from home part time. Just enough that we had 50/50 again so he didn’t have to pay.

Schrodinger’s Chump
Schrodinger’s Chump
1 year ago

Good for you! If you can afford it, going through attorneys is much better.

MichelleShocked
MichelleShocked
1 year ago

Even when I couldn’t afford it and was deeply in debt when he left me and I was a SAHM, the only way to get FW to follow the law was to involve attorneys. He’s a real piece of shit.

Carol39
Carol39
1 year ago

The EX and I had this lovely exchange a few months before I filed for divorce:
Him: I don’t understand your negative attitude toward me! I wasn’t always perfect, but my whole life has been devoted to our family! Everything I ever did, I did for the family!
Me: You fucked whores for the sake of our family?
Him: See, this is the problem! You can’t let things go! Okay, I haven’t been perfect, but you need to let go of the past!
Me: That was LAST WEEK!
Him: Yes, IN THE PAST!

I guess if it happened two minutes ago, it was “in the past” and could not be addressed. Well, now he is in the past. Turns out, I can let things go.

MollyWobbles
MollyWobbles
1 year ago
Reply to  Carol39

I had damn near the same conversation with my FW! He had the audacity to claim that he was “a good husband, provider and father” my reaction was nearly identical to yours. “Oh, you dry fucked every stripper from L.A. to New York for our family? That’s what made you such a good husband, provider and father?” From there he claimed that he’s “better now”. Whatever dude. Byeeeeeeee!

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 year ago
Reply to  Carol39

Egad! I’m familiar with this one as well. My FW said the same, that I should get over the past about something that had happened five minutes prior.

Me; You did that five minutes ago.
FW; See? That’s the past!

I shit you not, he actually said that, and he stated it vehemently. They’ll say anything, no matter how insane, to manipulate you.

FuckWitFree
FuckWitFree
1 year ago
Reply to  OHFFS

I wonder how they would react if we whacked them in the heads with a big shovel and told them to get over it because the whack was done “in the past.” Just get over it, losers…I wonder if they try this with police, judges, juries. Won’t work so well in those venues. You did it, you pay, and in most cases there are not statutes of limitations.

Chchchchump
Chchchchump
1 year ago
Reply to  OHFFS

That’s when you pick up the 2×4, whack them across the head, and when they get upset, tell them: “why are you complaining-it was in the past!”

KathleenK
KathleenK
1 year ago
Reply to  Carol39

Oh yes, this! Every morning the x wakes up to a clean slate. He moves on from the past quickly (in minutes) unlike his bitter ex family. He’s so sad for us that we hold on to the past and can’t seem to let go. In his mind he’s an evolved person just trying to live his life and be happy….

RaffNoMore
RaffNoMore
1 year ago
Reply to  Carol39

Mic Drop!

Motherchumper99
Motherchumper99
1 year ago
Reply to  Carol39

BOOM

Juniper
Juniper
1 year ago

When I asked him why her, he said “she’s so easygoing.” You mean…EASY.

bread&roses
bread&roses
1 year ago
Reply to  Juniper

Ha! My ex actually said he went for her because she — or was it ‘it’? — was easy. He evidently thought this would make me feel better?

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
1 year ago

“I don’t know who I am anymore”

Translation: People usually praise me and think I am awesome and now some people are judging me and thinking ill of me. I am not used to that. Who is that person being so chastised?

Goodfriend
Goodfriend
1 year ago

I got this too, and didn’t know what it meant. I love your translation, and I think it’s correct!

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
1 year ago

FW in court: “But I’m NOT a cheater!”
UBT (ClearWaters): “Reeeeeally? So is Ms Flatter Fuck (her real name) just a mirage?”

Snickers, snorts, deadpan faces all around and poor FW’s lawyer looking down into her lap (In shame? To hide her own smile? God only knows what Sparkledick had been telling her; it’s hard to defend a client who lies to the lawyer).

Goodfriend
Goodfriend
1 year ago

To our friends: “Goodfriend is angry and unreasonably jealous because she found out I was giving financial advice to an on-line work colleague who mentioned she was having financial problems.”
UBT: She discovered I asked for pornographic pictures from a scammer I found on a hook-up website and sent tens of thousands of dollars and a credit card with a $5K limit.

To our grandson: “I was trying to help and advise people who need employment and I trusted the wrong people.”
UBT: I sent tens of thousands of dollars to online romance scammers/catfishers because I thought I could get a hot babe to live with me.

To his online sole-mate/twu wuv: “I’ll pay for your college and buy you a business and work there for free, and I’ll also find a way to help you get pregnant so we can have a baby this year.”
UBT: I’ve been losing jobs for more than a decade and have no desire to work. I’ve never been interested in parenting and don’t want another kid. I don’t want to pay for anyone’s college education or anything else. I’ll just say whatever it takes because I want a dumb hot babe who will believe me and make me look like a cool guy.
What he actually told me: “I thought she was stupid and maybe had some mental disabilities, and I liked that because she would look up to me and not question my judgement about anything.”

To me: “I thought you’d like her and be best friends, and we could all hang out together at the house.”
UBT: I want you to accept and welcome her into YOUR life and home so you won’t make a fuss and I can get a really cool new luxury apartment while keeping my music studio/man cave and not have to move it.

tallgrass
tallgrass
1 year ago
Reply to  Goodfriend

Mine also thought I’d be quite fine with her moving in. Told me, “I think you’ll really like her. She’s awesome!” and then tried several times to tell me all about the great new sex he was getting.

OMG – how narc can one narc be? I like Tracy’s book quotes about that subject. In his childish, fractured brain we both worship him – so of course, we would have so much in common and be best friends! Nope. Sorry. My friends don’t sleep with married men, especially while they are still married themselves. My friends don’t blow up families to get their jollies.

Motherchumper99
Motherchumper99
1 year ago
Reply to  Goodfriend

Does he have cognitive issues? Sounds demented.

Dude-ette
Dude-ette
1 year ago
Reply to  Goodfriend

Wow.

Tracy Mull
Tracy Mull
1 year ago

My ex called me from his car while the woman he left me for was in the store to tell me the song “Faithfully” by Journey was on and it was his song to me.

Staroftheday626
Staroftheday626
1 year ago
Reply to  Tracy Mull

What is it with the whole song/playlist thing for FW’s and their tribes??? My stbx’s side bitch is in her late 50’s and she persists in sending over hand picked country /pop lovesongs in the middle of the night like a 14 year old might (eg Blake Shelton warbling – “PS – thiiiiiis is Austin and I still loooooooove yoooooooooouuuuuu”. ) Yecch…. Does she really think anyone who sees FW’s phone with a love song notification on the home screen at 1:30 am isn’t going to notice that? Hehehe regardless – my STBX has no idea that I know (still prepping to file) about the extent of their relationship and if I happen to mention his phone going off at 1:30 in the morning he will usually look me almost in the eye and attempt a Jedi mind trick – “that was just a dream you were having” – UBT – ” I know you know I am lying. I am tired of reminding you that on my home planet not admitting I have done something means I never did it. I don’t want to stand here and take precious time to string you further along when I should have been dry-humping Side Bitch over Facebook Private Messenger 2 minutes ago. So, if you say one.more.word I will turn into Cornholio* and you will get a 9th level of hell narc meltdown tantrum for the record books” (as opposed to the garden variety 4th level tantrums reserved for stuff like “can’t find my keys” or “dropped a few shots at golf”) all of these are the victims fault, naturally. Its funny in a sick jaded/exhausted survivor kind of way but honestly I cant wait to put this crap behind me. When two adults really love and respect each other I am pretty sure gaslighting is not a thing……

*For those who don’t know who Cornholio is – he came from an old US cartoon “Beavis and Butthead” and he is one of the main characters’ (Beavis) archetypal alter ego. If Beavis had too much caffeine or sugar he would suddenly pull his shirt over his head, turn into Cornholio and freak out on the spot- basically100% jacked up and absolutely random with a fake accent, in a funny harmless way. My STBX can conjure the jacked up and random part literally in a nanosecond (not funny in the least though) haven’t experienced any fake accents yet but I won’t necessarily be surprised if they appear soon….

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
1 year ago

“I know you know I am lying. I am tired of reminding you that on my home planet not admitting I have done something means I never did it”. ????????

Yep. Fuckwit refused to sign the admission of adultery form because, ” I’m not going to admit to something I didn’t do!”

When confronted with the evidence rat faced whore was living with him in his flat, “she’s just my lodger”. ????????

bread&roses
bread&roses
1 year ago
Reply to  Chumpnomore6

Lodger, eh? Now there’s a euphemism for an AP.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
1 year ago

Me: Why did we do a financial plan, focusing on our retirement?
Him: I repeatedly and erroneously thought we would be together?
Me: So you basically thought you could have the affair and have me on the side in case the affair didn’t work out?
Him: I thought it would end and I would be with you.

I welcome any translations. I just can’t this morning.

KarenE
KarenE
1 year ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Like my Ex, I bet, Spinach; he thought he was going to have this great 4 day a week affair while working out of town those days for several months, and everything would continue as usual at home and with me! Even after I figured out he was cheating (again) and confronted him and told him to move out, he thought he could leave, enjoy the relationship with her while it was fun while I continued to look after the kids, the house etc, and then come back with his tail between his legs, be extra nice for a (short) while, and all would be well. No loss of family, house, money, retirement plans etc.

They really are quite delusional when high on all that narcissistic supply. (Which is why it’s so hard for us to understand their thinking.) Then SO ANGRY when things don’t work out as they expect.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
1 year ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

UBT:

Him: “I repeatedly thought and hoped I’d be with the AP. There was nothing erroneous about it, but I like how that word sounds. #erudite #Iknowbigwords

I also like for people to think I was swept up by forces bigger than I when, in actuality, *I* made the hotel reservations all by myself and bought airplane tickets (with cash!). And I wanted to make sure that the AP was SUPER committed to me before cutting things off with you. How prudent! Don’t you think? I’m impulsive, but I’m not so impulsive as to risk being ALONE, which I dread more than anything. If my plan failed, and the AP called it off, I would monkey branch back to you. Easy-peasy.

What did you say, Spinach? You’re upset about that? Why? I don’t see it. Second choice is still good. You’d get to be with me if I didn’t choose her. It’s so hard to be me because I had to make THE CHOICE.” ????

Later on, he would send me letters about how he simply “had to move on.” The poor guy!

Chumpling
Chumpling
1 year ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Translation: I have always loved cake. Please give me more and MORE CAKE ????

Dontfeellikedancin
Dontfeellikedancin
1 year ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

I like chocolate cake and vanilla cake; in fact I like all cake, but chocolate cake plus money will always be my favorite. Why would you NOT want to help me get all the cake?

A. Friend
A. Friend
1 year ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Him1: I had these plans…*YOU* wrecked them by holding me to my alleged wedding “vows.” Fwiw i did have my fingers crossed when I said them, so…..

Him2: Why do you think a would pay good money I could use to have a perfectly serviceable wife-appliance taken out of my house? *I* am not wasteful like some others are…..

tallgrass
tallgrass
1 year ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

I get that – he was convinced he would take all of his retirement with him when he left. My attorney and the judge were quite clear that since he had been married 40 years – those were joint assets. He fussed and fumed and pouted. They weren’t impressed with his sadz performance.

I now often wonder how it would have been if he hadn’t revealed his side chick plans; if we would have continued on with the original plan into retirement which was just a four or five years away. I think he would have taken “his retirement” check each month. I think I might have ended up living with no groceries, etc. because he was very clear in the courtroom that was HIS MONEY.

I felt false security all those years, assuming that we were a team and we would be sharing in our retirement. That old human fantasy of having someone to grow old with. Now I know differently and it is frightening. Thanks to a cracker jack attorney who saw through his bullshit immediately – my half of our mutual accumulations over a lifetime will come to my personal checking account. He can do nothing to mess with that. It won’t be a case someday of someone discovering me and investigating for “elder abuse.”

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
1 year ago
Reply to  tallgrass

So true. The concept of marital assets never occurred to him. I think that narcissists struggle with this.

My lawyer laughed when x tried to make the argument that if he purchased, say, an expensive bottle of wine (and he did x many), that bottle of wine is his and his only. haha. I pointed out that, by that logic, our expensive sofa was also only mine. (NB: I did end up with the sofa. lol)

For an ivy-league educated physician, he could be SO stupid.

My lawyer argued fraud, and, in a no-fault state, I was awarded 55% of everything.

He must be impossible to live with now. I love that the AP-turned-wife now has that job.

Quick anecdote: A few months before D-Day-discard, he complained when I put a bag of Stacy’s chips in our shopping cart. We stood in the aisle glaring at each other. I couldn’t believe he was being so cheap. We were having a gang over (our kids et al), so the purchase made 100% sense to me. Little did I know that his selfish brain was doing a calculation about a future with the AP and trying to save money for that life.

These days I buy Stacy’s chips whenever I want…because I can.

bread&roses
bread&roses
1 year ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Spinach: Often, your ex reminds me a very much of mine. This story is my FW dad 100%. The thought of those two wrapped up into one super-FW is terrifying. I’m sorry.

WalkawayWoman
WalkawayWoman
1 year ago

After four years and countless D-days, I finally had enough and told the Lying Cheating Loser we were over. For real this time.
One remarkable line of bullshit that left his mouth was: “I never wanted to be without you.”
Still under the effects of hopium, I was tempted to spackle and interpret that statement to mean that deep down, he really did love and value me.
But no.
UBT: “I never wanted to be without all the creature comforts you provide, like a comfortable home, most of the money, vacation planning, home-cooked meals, 95% of the care and feeding of my two teens, not to mention great sex and loving support of my sad sausage self. I’m gonna keep lying, cheating, sexting and getting drunk daily, but hey, let’s not make a big deal about that. By the way, when will you be home from work? Can you buy me cigarettes? And what’s for dinner?”
Good riddance to that loser.
I still miss his kids though.

Fireball
Fireball
1 year ago

30 years ago he said “I knew I ruined my life” as soon as I did it!. But it didnt stop him for making sure he ruined 3 kids and a wife too. Such loser! Then told everyone during the divorce from hell that it was ME who was crazy and raging. UGH

Nordic Chump
Nordic Chump
1 year ago

After the first affair six years ago, she was mortified that i had violated her privacy by checking her phone and PC. Even as we were recovering from HER affair, she frequently said during therapy she was worried that i was surveilling her and monitoring her every move. It violated her privacy. I never got passwords or openness etc, according to her i just had to trust her! Because otherwise how can this ever work if i don’t immediately trust her again after she betrayed me?

Well, three months ago she had her second affair. Guess what? She was shocked and horrified that i went through her PC, i even looked at old pictures in her google drive! The audacity! How could I violate her privacy this way?!

It still fucking floors me and I’m not sure if she even believes this herself or if it’s some act to blameshift. Id understand if i snooped on her and nothing was going on, but… I was fucking right? She was having an affair? So.. like.. how does her brain even function?

FuckWitFree
FuckWitFree
1 year ago
Reply to  Nordic Chump

Nordic, their brains DO NOT function. At least not like ours do. They are disordered. Sociopaths have no empathy for others; they only want cake and opportunity and no consequences. I am convinced they are defective permanently.

NotAnymore
NotAnymore
1 year ago
Reply to  Nordic Chump

Her brain functions on a tidal wave of entitlement. If she wants something, she gets to have it. If someone ruins her “fun” they are the bad guy because they stopped her from getting what she wanted.

DoneDoneDone
DoneDoneDone
1 year ago
Reply to  Nordic Chump

Yes, blameshifting. They’ll latch on to anything that you’ve potentially done wrong in their eyes, especially when busting them.

Motherchumper99
Motherchumper99
1 year ago
Reply to  Nordic Chump

Trust they suck. They are like zombies- no empathy, no integrity. Destroying everyone to get what they want. Toxic as fuck.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 year ago

A chance to snark at the RIC? Wouldn’t miss it.

This pile of steaming cow plop comes from a suitably disreputable source- Focus on the Family. Yummy!

“Do not make any quick decisions about ending your marriage. Begin the process of healing your heart—identifying your emotions and grieving the impact of the affair.”

UBT;
Don’t make any quick decisions about ending contact with your rapist. Let him/her/them be in a position to continue to rape you for at least six more months before deciding if there’s a future as a happy victim. Don’t forget to take a few spare rape free minutes each day so you can heal your heart. Know that your rapist wants the best for you and will cooperate.

“Unnecessarily graphic information can do additional harm.”

UBT;
You might not be able to convince your victim that a re-raping is in order, so be cautious with any revelations. For example, if your victim asks for a name, just say it’s Justin(e) Justafriend. That way your victim won’t be able to find your soul mate co-rapist on Facebook and discover you moved in with him/her three months ago. Don’t be careless with any other information either.The only thing you really need to say is ILYBINILWY and variations of YUBS (you use bagged salad). Anything more would be harmful, unless it’s to tell your victim other reason why s/he is deficient. That is helpful information victims can use to grow from the experience.

“Give each other individual space.”

UBT;
Move in with your soul mate for a while to get space. Don’t worry, kids are resilient. Just be sure to keep in regular touch with your victim to insure h/she is making the changes you require and is amenable to more rape once you’ve had enough space.

“Make every effort not to neglect your physical health.”

UBT;
Eat kale while your victim eats shit.

“Take a time-out when you need to de-escalate emotions.”

UBT;
Run away and hide in the cellar when your victim catches you sexting with your soul mate again.

“The intensity of the disclosure may motivate the offending spouse to return to the affair partner for escape or comfort. Be careful of these pitfalls, and guard against them.”

UBT;
After being confronted about rape, your rapist may find relief from the intensity of the disclosure by engaging in more rape. You can guard against this by dancing the Fuckwit Flamenco like your feet are on fire.

“The key is to find people who can walk with you through the healing process of recovering from an affair and remain unbiased, supporting you with whatever you need.”

UBT;
Don’t listen to anyone who tells you your rapist meant to rape you and that you should hold him/her accountable for it. Obviously, that person doesn’t care about helping your relationship to grow through the healing journey that is rape, rape and more rape.

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
1 year ago
Reply to  OHFFS

If only the world at large could see cheating for the rape that it is. I make this analogy constantly. They do what they want and take what they want without regard for anyone except themselves. I did not give consent to be treated this way, sexually or otherwise. And now I am forced to parent alongside my rapist.

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
1 year ago
Reply to  OHFFS

????????????????

Absolutely *brilliant* OHFFS!

I especially love “Fuckwit Flamenco” and “YUBS”. ????????

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 year ago

A chance to snark at the RIC? Wouldn’t miss it.

This pile of steaming cow plop comes from a suitably disreputable source- Focus on the Family. Yummy!

“Do not make any quick decisions about ending your marriage. Begin the process of healing your heart—identifying your emotions and grieving the impact of the affair.”

UBT;
Don’t make any quick decisions about ending contact with your rapist. Let him/her/them be in a position to continue to rape you for at least six more months before deciding if there’s a future as a happy victim. Don’t forget to take a few spare rape free minutes each day so you can heal your heart. Know that your rapist wants the best for you and will cooperate.

“Unnecessarily graphic information can do additional harm.”

UBT;
You might not be able to convince your victim that a re-raping is in order, so be cautious with any revelations. For example, if your victim asks for a name, just say it’s Justin(e) Justafriend. That way your victim won’t be able to find your soul mate co-rapist on Facebook and discover you moved in with him/her three months ago. Don’t be careless with any other information either.The only thing you really need to say is ILYBINILWY and variations of YUBS (you use bagged salad). Anything more would be harmful, unless it’s to tell your victim other reason why s/he is deficient. That is helpful information victims can use to grow from the experience.

“Give each other individual space.”

UBT;
Move in with your soul mate for a while to get space. Don’t worry, kids are resilient. Just be sure to keep in regular touch with your victim to insure h/she is making the changes you require and is amenable to more rape once you’ve had enough space.

“Make every effort not to neglect your physical health.”

UBT;
Eat kale while your victim eats shit.

“Take a time-out when you need to de-escalate emotions.”

UBT;
Run away and hide in the cellar when your victim catches you sexting with your soul mate again.

“The intensity of the disclosure may motivate the offending spouse to return to the affair partner for escape or comfort. Be careful of these pitfalls, and guard against them.”

UBT;
After being confronted about rape, your rapist may find relief from the intensity of the disclosure by engaging in more rape. You can guard against this by dancing the Fuckwit Flamenco like your feet are on fire.

“The key is to find people who can walk with you through the healing process of recovering from an affair and remain unbiased, supporting you with whatever you need.”

UBT;
Don’t listen to anyone who tells you your rapist meant to rape you and that you should hold him/her accountable for it. Obviously, that person doesn’t care about helping your relationship to grow through the healing journey that is rape, rape and more rape.

Limbo Chumpian
Limbo Chumpian
1 year ago

“You can’t not talk. You have a pathological need to discuss everything.” And also “you’re don’t open up to anyone. You keep everything to yourself.”

UBT – “my arguments are spaghetti. I throw out contradictory statements to see what sticks.”

Carol39
Carol39
1 year ago
Reply to  Limbo Chumpian

Exactly! I was accused both of being too frigid and not providing for his sexual needs, and also of being too available, so that he never learned self-control. If he was proven wrong about something, he just changed his accusation to match.

BrokenPicker
BrokenPicker
1 year ago

FW: “Please remember I once loved you very deeply.”
UBT: “I remembered you have that signed motor vehicle transfer I gave you for my beloved Porsche as reparations after the first time I cheated on you, and I really hope you don’t come and take the car.”

bread&roses
bread&roses
1 year ago
Reply to  BrokenPicker

Please tell us you took it.

Informal
Informal
1 year ago
Reply to  BrokenPicker

The ex texted if we could work something out about one of his motorcycles that was in the agreement I would get. I must have said no or not responded because he texted again- really? You’re going to take my motorcycle?
There were other things that the moving company removed that day( it was on his parents property. He had stuff hidden all over including different counties that I didn’t find out until after the divorce) but that was one thing I enjoyed seeing loaded. I know he was peeking out the window and at this point I hadn’t seen him in over a year. I had absolutely no use for it and sold it but my financial advisor said get anything I could sell.
He didn’t give a fuck about us but felt entitled to everything.
I had to go to his attorney and sign property to him separately and pick up what he had to sign over because I refused to meet his abusive ass in person. Then next line is to go and have them titled in your name. I found out last year when he took me to court that he had not removed my name from a car and motorcycle. No follow through as usual. You’re not the boss of me. For many reasons, I was livid that he continued to drive something in my name. That wasn’t even addressed. I’m hoping they no longer operate.

Queen of Chumps
Queen of Chumps
1 year ago

Some favorites:
Him: “It was a sloooooow bend in the road.”
Me: “Yeah, a four year road only you and Knob Polisher were on. I wasn’t invited on that road that YOU bent.”
Him: “I was a FANTASTIC father. I COACHED.”
Me: “A fantastic father doesn’t cheat on and humiliate his family. The coaching was image management.”
Him: “You are a completely disordered and emotionally immature person. Here’s an article from Psychology Today for you to read.”

The above article courtesy of my ex father in law who is also a serial cheating, aging/aged hippie THERAPIST with slightly longish hair….you know the douchie type.

Me: “With all due respect, where in this article is there any mention of disordered/emotionally immature individuals having 4 year secret affairs and leading double lives?, and furthermore, those (ex Father in Law) who contract herpes from the neighbor should not be dispensing relationship advice.”

DoneDoneDone
DoneDoneDone
1 year ago

Same with the coaching and only parenting if it gets applause or likes. Now he’s an absent parent.

Carol39
Carol39
1 year ago

I already submitted one, but I just thought of another great one. I discovered that FW was not only cheating on me but also had a big fraud scheme going in order to finance his hooker problem. One aspect involved getting charity funds from a local organization to assist low income families with school costs. He gave fake paperwork to a friend of mine who worked at the organization, knowing that she wouldn’t scrutinize it very closely, since she knew us well. He told her not to tell me about it, because he didn’t want to embarrass me about getting charity funds.
Well, I found out about that, and I said, “How could you steal from my friend?”
He said, “I didn’t steal from your friend. You are such a drama queen. I stole from her employer!”
I said, “But you stole from her organization through her! You gave her fake paperwork!”
He said, “I would have done that anyway. It wasn’t personal or because she was your friend. You overreact to everything!”
Still infuriates me, even years later!

Goodfriend
Goodfriend
1 year ago
Reply to  Carol39

I didn’t steal from your friend…I stole from her employer!” This should get some kind of prize. What an incredible sense of entitlement. He might have gotten your friend in trouble. I bet he loved the triple helping of duper’s delight: you, your friend and her employer.

Chumpouttahere
Chumpouttahere
1 year ago

“I was trying to figure out how to fix our marriage. I’ve been constantly praying for help and answers”.
Ah, well I’m sorry I was so quick to anger, I didn’t realize God told you the answer was between another womans legs.

susie lee
susie lee
1 year ago
Reply to  Chumpouttahere

This reminded me. Recently my daughter in law told me that several years ago whore told her that she felt that God had sent her to whoremonger just when he needed her.

My daughter in law said “God does not send a woman to steal another woman’s husband”

We were talking about things through the years, after my brother and his wife had died; and a lot of stuff came up. She hated whore, and she tolerated whoremonger as best she could. And not because of me, but because whore and whoremonger treated her and her kids poorly, not to mention my son.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 year ago
Reply to  Chumpouttahere

Preying for answers, so to speak.

FuckwitFree
FuckwitFree
1 year ago

First cheating was six weeks after the birth of our oldest, after which he claimed “you and her are the most important people in my life!”. Then my ex had an EA/planned to cheat on me when our kids were 4 and 6. After a few months of wreckonciliation I tearfully asked him “but you always wanted to have kids, why are you walking away from our family?” His answer: “I always wanted children, I never said anything about an intact family.”

Silly me for assuming…

Loved A Jackass
Loved A Jackass
1 year ago
Reply to  FuckwitFree

Well, once we’re over the pain and shock, it’s great that they actually showed us who and what they are.

Ironwood
Ironwood
1 year ago

I got this gem, “we are two good people on different paths.”
Really! The lazy, lying, cheating path versus the faithful, unsuspecting, hardworking and good character path. Hmm…

DoneDoneDone
DoneDoneDone
1 year ago

Same ol’ sad excuses. I was unhappy, you made me unhappy, so I screwed the receptionist at work, and it’s your fault I was fired for it.

thelongrun
thelongrun
1 year ago
Reply to  DoneDoneDone

Except in my case, where the FW XW was the administrative assistant. Or as she tried to tell the marriage counselor, just a coworker. No, whore. You fucked your married, richer, 15 years older boss to get what you coveted: his vacation home on an island off Maine, and all the fun in life you felt I was no longer providing you (aka not providing enough money). All it cost was what little integrity you still had, my love/our marriage, our family (specifically our kids’ stability and faith in their parents). Oh, and free tuition for college for the kids. That’s just the highlights. Hope it was worth it. The karma bus has hit them both already. It may come back for more. Only time will tell!????

CakeEater'sDaughter
CakeEater'sDaughter
1 year ago

“I feel about you like a sister.”

Incest much?

bread&roses
bread&roses
1 year ago

Also telling. He’d betray and abuse his sister?

Dobby is a Free Chump
Dobby is a Free Chump
1 year ago

My ex told my mother in law that he would always love me just like a sister. Who would ever treat their sister like this? He abandoned me and my kids for the AP and provided 0 financial support for 20 plus months. He has never made a child support payment since the divorce went through. I wouldn’t treat a dog the way he has treated me and my kids, let alone my beloved sister. And also ???? to the whole sister thing because that is a weird thing to say about one’s WIFE….

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
1 year ago

“My ex told my mother in law that he would always love me just like a sister. Who would ever treat their sister like this?”

Henry VIII said the same thing about Katherine of Aragon. Even 400 years ago…

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
1 year ago

“I feel about you like a sister.”

I asked fuckwit if he was in love with the rat faced whore.

Him:(indignantly) No! I think of her as a daughter!

Me: You want to fuck your daughter?

Sally
Sally
1 year ago
Reply to  Chumpnomore6

Good God, the depravity of some men.

I love ‘rat faced whore’, I’ve used it myself in the past. The abiding favourite of my fuckwit, however, was a horse-toothed whore with bolt-on cheap plastic tits. Was always convinced she was covering up a past drug addiction or something…

CakeEater'sDaughter
CakeEater'sDaughter
1 year ago

Oh, I did that wrong.

Translation: “For the benefit of my new GF, I’d like to pretend it was never sexual. So she’ll let me keep my hooks in you indefinitely.”

Mighty Sheep
Mighty Sheep
1 year ago

Ex: (joyfully) Should we tell everyone we’re pregnant??
Me-BT: Let’s flaunt to everyone just how happy you are to carry my offspring! How excited you are to rear children with ME, the sex offender against children!

Me: Why didn’t you tell me sooner about your sex addiction? We could have gotten you help earlier and prevented things getting so bad.
Ex: Well you always had so much of your own stuff going on, I thought one of us had to be the strong one.
Me-BT: Your mental health problems which were exacerbated by my emotional abuse are what made me commit felonies against children. I knew you were too weak to handle this. I couldn’t risk you having boundaries or a bottom line you wouldn’t cross. If you knew, you would have left me! And *I* am so strong, but *you’re* so weak, it would have crushed you. See how much I care!

Loved A Jackass
Loved A Jackass
1 year ago

“She’s Ralph’s sister,” said to explain why he couldn’t possibly be having any sort of affair or flirtation with the MOW.

Loved A Jackass
Loved A Jackass
1 year ago

Translated as: “Nobody can know that Ralph’s sister has had a thing for me for years because she’s married now and I would look bad if I openly pursued her. If she got a divorce, I’d have to deal with her kids who still have HS and college ahead of them. Besides, I prefer women when I can take my time to pry them away from their husbands, their kids, their families, and their moral values in secret.” “She’s Ralph’s sister” was both a defense (“how could I be interested in my friend’s sister? That’s preposterous!”) and an explanation of how delicious the kibbles were to be hero-worshipped by a married woman reliving her middle school crush.

Chumpy VonChumpster
Chumpy VonChumpster
1 year ago

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

UBT – I didn’t think about you at all. I didn’t think about the consequences. I only think about myself.

Ironwood
Ironwood
1 year ago

In a nutshell…
This is really the truth. We really were of no consequence, as In my case after 32 years and four children. Its unfathomable.

MightyWarrior
MightyWarrior
1 year ago
Reply to  Ironwood

The ex looked at me in horror when I said ‘there are consequences to your actions’. Panic high pitched squeak, ‘what consequences, what consequences?’ I looked him in the eye, nodded sagely, and replied ‘consequences’. Stunned silence. It had not crossed his lawyer mind that I, a lawyer doormat for 26 years, would do anything other than smile sweetly and give him what he wanted ie sell the house, split equity 50/50 and both hang on to our pensions. I was 60, he was 53. I had been overpaying the mortgage and all the bills except the core mortgage payment which he had always insisted on paying (now I know why). My pension pot was therefore smaller than his. He denied that I had made any financial contribution. While walking round the house in shorts and t-shirt with the heating on full blast in the middle of winter because he had to ‘feel comfortable’. He and exgfOW had spent years planning how they were going to get maximum value out of their intended to be ex spouses. They hadn’t planned on this ex spouse fighting back, sucked dry though I was. I’m sure that he believes my 57% of the assets to be a shafting for him. Because special ones shouldn’t have to face consequences. Most of the time I don’t care about him and her. Some days, today, I care enough to wish that the karma bus would flatten the pair of them. They are nasties!

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
1 year ago

I got that same line. And your translation is spot on.

FoundMyself
FoundMyself
1 year ago

“You go to bed so early like an old person and I am more social than you are.”

Translation: I really enjoy sleeping with my howorker all through the night after getting sloppy drunk while on business trips. It’s really your fault since you aren’t fun & spontaneous enough to meet my needs.

“Some men might be ok having a pretty wife that doesn’t do anything.”

Translation: My affair is your fault because you are lazy and boring. Parenting babies/small children while I’m away on regular business trips proves how lazy & boring you are.

“Honey, why don’t you ever get dressed up for me. Here, I bought you some new dresses. Some women like to dress like this.”

Translation: You don’t dress sexy enough for me. I’ll try to fix you so I don’t have to cheat on you anymore.

damnitfeelsbadtobeachumpster
damnitfeelsbadtobeachumpster
1 year ago

“How could you? I told you not to discuss our marital problems with anyone and you went to your therapist.”

UBT–Over the space of a month, I disclosed our marital problems to my female co-worker, thus bonding with her. A limerance thing, you know? I have these crushes, you see. Like a 12-year-old boy. Not long after, we shared an intimate dinner, and, afterwards, she texted that she loved me and was almost home. I don’t know what it means but I’m confused.

Alive&Kicking
Alive&Kicking
1 year ago

12/6/2022 will be my 30 year anniversary. I first discovered EA in 2010. FW begged and pleaded for me not to leave. Fast forward to 2022 and multiple EAs. I put up with all his fucking shit because I believed that I would literally die without him. In Jan 2022 the switch finally went off. I told him I want him out of my life. We have been sleeping in separate bedrooms since then. He refuses to accept my decision and has tried to make me feel guilty for wanting to throw away a 30 year farce based only EAs. According to him, if it is not a physical affair, it is not an affair…wtff. Never mind the lies, crazy making…..

In May 2022 I recorded a conversation between FW and his brother wherein FW was bitching how cruel and cold-hearted I have become. How I want to throw away everything ” based only on what I know”????Clearly there was more…

He proceeded to tell his brother that I only know that he communicated inappropriately with a certain ‘whore’ via chat, BUT I don’t know that he had a physical relationship with the said ‘whore’. He proceeded to call me a whore that is full of shit as I had the cheek to snoop.

When I confronted him with this new info, he denied having a PA claiming what he meant when he said ‘physical ‘ relationship is that he physically saw her and greeted her. How the fuck do you even begin to reason or get any sort of closure from this kind of disordered mind??

Everything about him disgusts me to the core. Unfortunately I know that our divorce will be ugly. He has threatened to kill me and put his hands around my neck on the last occassion I told him that it is over. He threatened to commit suicide. Manipulation at it’s best, but I believe that he is capable of carrying out his threats.

My youngest son is in his final school year. He has had enough drama in his life because of all our arguments. If I proceed with divorce steps now all hell will break lose. I don’t want this for my son at this stage.

However, as soon as my son writes his final exam I will do what I should have done 12 years ago.

Thank you CL and CN. I see clearly now????

bread&roses
bread&roses
1 year ago
Reply to  Alive&Kicking

Hands around the neck is a red flag for deadly violence. Please protect yourself, get advice from a DV organization and a lawyer, have a safety plan, and if you choose to stay until your some has graduated, then do not let your plans of leaving be known to your husband.

Staroftheday626
Staroftheday626
1 year ago
Reply to  Alive&Kicking

Another vote for having an exit plan and go bags ready bonus points for car fueled up and plans for hotels and or plane tix! The end of any marriage is hard, throw in an affair partner of any type who sees you as an obstacle constantly reminding your spouse she’d like you gone , plus an angry spouse who has been lying and cheating for so long and you might find yourself so conditioned to serious dysfunction that you might put up with these serious threats because in FW land its business as usual. Please please A&K – have a plan ready to go and don’t wait for closure cheaters will never let you have it. Your spouse said and showed he’s capable of violence, even though he’s lied about a ton of things please don’t test this one too long it might be the one thing he’s saying thats true…. We are rooting for you. Make a plan and be around for your son and your new chapter in life. Stay safe!!!

NotAnymore
NotAnymore
1 year ago
Reply to  Alive&Kicking

Here to say I am gravely concerned as well. There are members here with the most horrible stories to tell of their ex’s turning violent. Please step carefully and get free in the safest way possible for you and your child.

Limbo Chumpian
Limbo Chumpian
1 year ago
Reply to  Alive&Kicking