Category: Universal Bullshit Translator

promise bullshit

UBT: “I Made a List”

Dear Chump Lady: After my divorce from an abusive man, I didn’t date seriously until 4 years later when I met the SparkleD*ck. He was …

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bullshit bird

UBT: The Burger-Flipping Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

I’m sure you’re all shocked to learn that HuffPo has yet another steaming heap of clickbait triumphant OW pick-me-dance winner essay. About happiness and personal …

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can't remember

UBT: I Can’t Remember

Probably no other statement gets sent to the Universal Bullshit Translator more than “I can’t remember.” What is it about cheating that fogs the mind? …

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other woman

UBT: I Only Date Married Men

Several folks sent me the archived Dear Prudence article that ran last week, “Help! I Only Date Married Men. And I Like It.” Which is …

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Mindfuck blender

UBT: “Don’t Define Me”

Dear Chump Lady, I ran off a list to my cheating fiancé about why I didn’t think he respected women and I included him cheating …

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shrink

UBT: Affair Proofing Your Marriage

“Affair Proof Your Marriage” articles are so ubiquitous, I hesitate to feed them to the Universal Bullshit Translator. It just rolled its circuits at me. Really? …

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swanning cheater

UBT: “True Love Is Never a Scandal”

Dearest Chump Lady, In July, 2018, my musician husband of 16 years finally confessed to a year-long-plus affair (we know it is likely longer) with …

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glorious asshole

UBT: Married Trader with a Sugar Baby

New York magazine runs a feature called “Sex Diaries,” sort of like Penthouse forum but without the improving articles. Readers anonymously send in details of their …

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forgiveness troll

UBT: “I Forgive You”

Dear Chump Lady, Thank you for your insightful and supportive blog. I am a chump. Married 6 years and separated for 7 months, I have …

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sadz

UBT: “You Might Appreciate Knowing Some of This”

Dear Chump Lady, I’m a chump a year and a half out with 5 kids and a 25 year marriage. Your website, friends and a …

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butt face

UBT: ‘Mark Is Fine’

Dear Chump Lady, After I kicked out my cheating ex-boyfriend Mark, he moved in with one of my best friends, Heidi, as a “roommate.” Yeah, …

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UBT: ‘He Played Me Too’

You guys won’t believe the letters I get from Other Women wanting my advice. I know, it’s like gnats wanting wisdom from a bug zapper. …

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butt face

UBT: ‘If You Need Me, I’ll Be There’

Hi Chump Lady, I got on the hopium and had a terrible fake reconciliation. After the most recent D-Day (two weeks ago tomorrow) — found …

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bullshit bird

Be Your Own UBT

The Universal Bullshit Translator bursts its sockets with pride to think it has spawned a multitude of other UBTs. You see them on the CN …

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planet narcissist

UBT: Cheating on My Husband Made Me a Better Mother

Who’s ready for another personal testimonial to the wonders of cheating? It brightens! It whitens! It dices! It slices! And it’s good for stubborn stains. …

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UBT: ‘My Dad Sucks’

How children feel about their cheating parents is a topic the Universal Bullshit Translator has rightly shied away from. My standard advice to chumps here …

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word salad

Your Best Word Salad, Please

I created this site not just to offer an alternative to the Reconciliation Industrial Complex, but to lampoon the pomposity of cheaters. And there is …

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wayward

UBT: ‘Shortcut to Happiness’

Dear Chump Lady, I could really use the Universal Bullshit Translator to determine if this is a genuine apology. We have an 11 year relationship …

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Jada Pinkett Smith Red Table

UBT: Jada’s ‘Entanglement’

To all of you who sent me Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith’s Red Table public service announcement for Reconciliation After Entanglement — the Universal Bullshit …

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UBT: “Your Cheating Spouse Is the Victim, NOT You!”

Oh hey, were we talking about DARVO this week? (Deny, attack, reverse victim offender.) Do I ever have a heaping pile o’ mindfuckery for you …

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