I know it’s not very meh of me, but I would call it more of a curiosity on whether my theory about most Other Women is correct. I was wondering if you could share your thoughts on how it seems to me, that OW always seem to be the types that don’t really like other women.
They don’t keep a circle of close girlfriends and they only enjoy the company of whatever idiot they are currently involved with, his friends and completely immerse themselves into the idiot’s life. Or, they are the type that are that one girl within a circle of male friends. They will, over time, have some type of hook-up with one or several of the friends, working her way down the line.
I’ve noticed these types of women seem to have what I like to call “Terminator view.” When they see another woman that they envy, or they see as a threat to them being the Fabulous One, the targeted woman must be destroyed. I remember telling my ExAsshat this about his Plan B. He stood there with the thousand yard stare. If I said this to him now, (which I wouldn’t, because he would enjoy it) he would accuse me of being jealous of HER because she’s so wonderful and threatening to women, it’s hard for her to have girlfriends. I’d be interested to read Chump Nation’s opinion on my theory. Thanks again for the daily catharsis.
Hmm. Interesting question. Do Other Women hate women? Do they just hate themselves? (Surely you must have some kind of self-esteem issue to be a side-dish fuck?) Do they love the competition? Or are they just run-of-the-mill narcissistic jerks?
I don’t know. But I can offer a few observations myself. I think we do a disservice to all women if we assume their friendships with men are only to sleep with them. (Or fuck their way through a man’s social circle.) Let’s not make assumptions about all women with male friends. Maybe she works in a male-dominated field. Maybe she likes sports. Maybe she has a lot of brothers. Maybe one guy in the crowd is her boyfriend and she’s faithful to him.
I don’t think it’s fair to make assumptions about women with male friends. I say judge a person by their actions. If she’s acting narcissistically, if everyone is a kibble source, if she’s actually a cheater? Feel free to cull this person from your social register.
I think what your question really gets down to is straight women acting like straight men are a scarce commodity we must fight each other for. Do OW act like that? Oh hell yes. (And I shall take apart their pseudo feminism on these grounds in a moment…) But so do chumped women. You want to perpetuate the patriarchy, sisters? Do the pick me dance. That’s what the “Terminator view” is — destroy the competition. Act like some cheating asshole is a PRIZE. Like you can’t do without him. Like his dick’s happiness is the most important thing in the world and must be serviced at all costs.
Women in reconciliation live with hypervigilance. Is that female co-worker a threat? Is his secretary too attractive? Was that email he sent a bit too flirtatious? To reconcile means you’ve probably bought in at some level that the cheating is your fault and you can prevent it by being a Better Spouse. Prettier, thinner, more in tune with His Needs. You may say you trust — but that trust will need verification. Other women will be deemed potential threats. Because it’s much easier to externalize your anxiety on to the Other, than to recognize that your husband was a traitor and could betray you again.
Now then, Other Women and the Universal Sisterhood? Fuck cheaters as enlightened feminists. Those articles make me crazy. The trope goes that Other Women are not bound by the drab rules of monogamy. They’re edgy paradigm shifters! They so don’t Need a Man. They just like the married ones so they can fuck and discard them — no strings attached! Did she steal your boyfriend? Hey! Don’t “slut shame” her! She’s just expressing her sexuality, which is her right.
Let UBT that for the OW.
A) You don’t need a man? Yeah right. That’s why you’re competing with his spouse. You need an unlevel playing field of secrecy and deception because you’re so very secure in your fabulousness. Got it.
B) No strings attached sex? Using people and discarding them makes you a sociopath, not a sophisticate. You’re not more of a feminist for being a jerk. You want casual sex? Fine. Go frolic among the single people looking for the same. Swipe right and stay away from the married ones with children.
C) Slut shame? You shouldn’t ever be ashamed of your sexuality. You should be ashamed of treating people like shit. (Monica Lewinsky, I’m talking to you.) The problem isn’t your love of sex — the problem is enjoying the naughty deceit at the expense of some chump. Walk away from the triangle. Have more self respect than to play hypotenuse to some fuckwit. Being an easy lay isn’t admirable. Anyone can do it. Aspire to actual accomplishments.
Freebird, no one is jealous of OW, really. The OW just wish they were. You too can walk away from the triangle.