Category: Universal Bullshit Translator

Nice

UBT: ‘I Wish You Were Still Nice’

The Universal Bullshit Translator gets a lot of “It’s not what I did, it’s how you reacted” pitchforked into it. Blameshifting lays around in piles. Why …

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The Unicorn of Reconciliation

UBT: The Mayo Clinic

The un-chumped people of the world sometimes think I exaggerate The Reconciliation Industrial Complex. When my book was first being pitched to publishers, this came …

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gift

UBT: ‘Monogamy Is a Gift’

You know you’re wading in deep bullshit when you see the title “The Unsparing Genius of Esther Perel.” (Editor’s note: They changed the title since …

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conceited

UBT: Leaving and Cleaving

Awhile ago, I got a request to UBT David Brooks’ word vomit “Leaving and Cleaving” — a missive in the New York Times to his dumped, chumped …

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UBT: “Thank You for Always Being There”

Dear Chump Lady, My ex-husband and I were together for ten years, married for one when he asked for a divorce. I was heartbroken and …

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bitter bunny

UBT: “I Made a Mistake”

I get some weird mail. But perhaps none so weird as this letter sent to my Universal Bullshit Translator by John — a cheater. Yes, probably …

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sadz

UBT: “I Needed You So Much”

Dear Chump Lady, I was wondering if you could run this e-mail by the UBT. I received this letter from my ex-fuckwit after 18+ months …

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bubble

UBT: The Couple Bubble

Dear Chump Lady, I got the following text from exhusband over the weekend: First: How to Create a Couple Bubble in Your Relationship Then: Hi, …

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word salad

UBT: We Are All Complex

Dear Chump Lady, I was hoping you might run this through the UBT. It’s my now ex-wife’s (the divorce came through a month ago) response …

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butt face

UBT: I Will Return With a Fuller Love

There’s nothing like a good serving of cake to make cheaters really appreciate their chumps. Shana submitted this gem to the Universal Bullshit Translator and says …

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mindfuck

UBT: Our Relationship Is Over, I Suppose

Dear Chump Lady, Your blog helped me to cut through the nonsense about staying with a cheater and I can say that I am now …

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bullshit bird

Be Your Own UBT

Are you a little less chumpy than you used to be? Can you sniff out bullshit a bit better after you found yourself mired in …

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deserve better

UBT Me, Please

Well, this doesn’t happen very often. A cheater submitted their OWN bullshit to the Universal Bullshit Translator. Yes. Really. This blog is absolute crap! I believe …

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planet narcissist

UBT: Inform Me About Your Girlfriend

Some cheaters find it really objectionable when their ex-chumps start dating. I’m not really sure what they were expecting. (Shrine maintenance, castle walls, vows of …

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UBT: ‘Loving Your Husband Hurts Me Too’

There is no sadder sausage than the Other Woman and her unrequited love. An alert chump sent me this submission, YourTango, “Loving Your Husband Hurts Me …

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piffle

UBT: In Defense of Dating a Married Man

So here’s some MSN clickbait just begging to be Universal Bullshit Translated this morning. A fluffy little piece of sociopathy by Shannon Boodram, sexologist, entitled …

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planet narcissist

UBT: This Isn’t the Real Me

Ben submitted this glorious bit of bullshit from his not-terribly-remorseful wife. She’d like to set the record straight that the woman who cheated on him …

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baby

UBT: A Letter from ‘The Baby’

Dear Chump Lady, I have one that I would LOVE to go through the Universal Bullshit Translator. As a chump I so want to believe he is truly …

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not a unicorn

UBT: Opening the Marriage to Save the Marriage?

An alert chump sent me a link to a sad women doing a sad pick-me dance dressed up as unicorn sophistication — My Husband Cheated On …

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Rachel Uchitel

UBT: The ‘Shame’ of Being Tiger Woods’ Mistress

Several alert chumps have sent me requests to watch the new Tiger Woods documentary on HBO and snark about Rachel Uchitel, who appears to be enjoying …

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