Category: Blameshifting
‘I Fail to Understand Your Hostility’
There is no mindfuck like the I Fail to Understand Your Hostility mindfuck. As mindfucks go, it’s Jedi-level mindfuckery. Oh sure your lesser manipulator can …
Esther Perel’s Myth of the Good Cheater
So, Esther Perel follows me on Twitter. Which is big of her considering I told her to bite me. On the other hand, there might be something …
‘My Sister Blames Me for My Husband’s Affair’
Dear Chump Lady, I just had a conversation with my sister about my cheating husband. I can’t seem to get it through her head that …
Sad Sausage Tales?
The sad sausage self-pity channel probably provokes more Stupid Shit Cheaters Say than the other two channels, rage and “charm.” It’s kind of absurd for …
The ‘People Pleaser’ Excuse
I used to see this “wayward” excuse all the time on infidelity RIC forums — the cheater isn’t a vapid, selfish, destructive person. No! They’re a …
Most Ridiculous Excuse After Being Busted?
Dear Chump Lady, I found several ads my husband posted on Craigslist, of all disgusting places, for group sex and friends with benefits. When I …
My Ex-Wife Wants Me to Go to Therapy with Her
Dear Chump Lady, My ex-wife (20-year marriage) went to my therapist. (Chump that I am, I recommended that the cheating ex-wife use my therapist to save …
“Our Marriage Was Already Over”
Here’s some one-size-fits-all cheater bullshit for you — “Our marriage was already over.” Cheaters say it to affair partners, “We’re all but divorced!” “We’re separated!” …
UBT: Gottman’s ‘Reviving Trust After an Affair’
Yesterday, when we discussed Gottman’s The Four Horseman as an instrument of cheater mindfuckery, an alert chump sent me further reading on the Gottman’s. Apparently they …
The Resentment Rap
Dear Chump Lady, It seems if people aren’t on the Esther Perel train when it comes to their relationship ideologies, they talk about the Gottman’s. …
The Fiction of Unconditional Love
One common example of the Stupid Shit Cheaters Say is cheaters’ disappointment that they were not loved “unconditionally.” Apparently, they are capable of “unconditional love” …
The Wrong Pickle and Other Sins
If you’re responsible for their cheating, (thanks RIC!) then it stands to reason you’re responsible for all the other slings and arrows of their outrageous …
UBT: “Your Cheating Spouse Is the Victim, NOT You!”
Oh hey, were we talking about DARVO this week? (Deny, attack, reverse victim offender.) Do I ever have a heaping pile o’ mindfuckery for you …
The Mindfuckery of Reverse Victim Offender
There must be a bazillion “How To Tell If He/She’s Cheating” articles on the interwebs. You know, the usual — new cologne, sudden penchant for …
Yeah, That’s Not an Apology
Today’s column is on Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse. You know, those weak-ass apologies that upon closer inspection don’t really convey “sorry” at all. If you’re a chump, …
‘Maybe He Was Right About Me?’
Dear Chump Lady, I was totally blindsided by my husband a year ago. (Before D-Day I’d say we were a happy marriage, you heard it …
Cheating Excuses and Non Sequiturs — ‘It Didn’t Take That Much Time’
I often advise chumps to never, ever stick their head in the mindfuck blender after discovery. Don’t ask your cheater why they did this. Their …
Why Blame the Chump?
Dear Chump Lady, Why are these so called experts so rabid about blaming chumps for their part in creating a situation where they got betrayed? …
‘I Thought You Were Okay With It’
This nugget of Stupid Shit Cheaters Say was recently submitted to me: “Let’s be honest. You’ve had another man in your life for the past …
So Why the Hell Isn’t She Happy Now?
Hi Chump Lady, So my wife had an affair and after being found out asked for a trial separation. She said she had been “struggling …
